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African men and this pride thing...isnt it time they put a sock on it?
Dear Stella,
Please can you pose this issue to your readers.
I'm a young lad that had met a beautiful God-fearing and professional lady and I'd love to marry her so we talk about marriage freely.
This lady has been so blessed with a job, and so diligent with her savings and spending that the month just before I met her, she had purchased a house, a 3bed duplex, that is currently being built.
Now we are talking marriage and she has suggested we move into the house which can serve as a starter home for a young couple (with a kid or two) while we live rent-free and save towards building/buying our dream family home.
I dont earn as much as she does but she has proven to be submissive towards me. I am hardworking and have great prospects, however, I love her but I'm an African man. Is this right?
Thanks. P*****
Please can you pose this issue to your readers.
I'm a young lad that had met a beautiful God-fearing and professional lady and I'd love to marry her so we talk about marriage freely.
This lady has been so blessed with a job, and so diligent with her savings and spending that the month just before I met her, she had purchased a house, a 3bed duplex, that is currently being built.
Now we are talking marriage and she has suggested we move into the house which can serve as a starter home for a young couple (with a kid or two) while we live rent-free and save towards building/buying our dream family home.
I dont earn as much as she does but she has proven to be submissive towards me. I am hardworking and have great prospects, however, I love her but I'm an African man. Is this right?
Just thread carefully.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I can see through you. You are simply after that woman because of her money. Period! And you are writing this story so that the lady in question will get to read it and come and start promising you she will always respect you and that her money/house will always be yours as well.
DeleteYou better go and look for your own money and house. Lazy man.
Go and look for a lady in your class and love, then you both can grow together. African man! If that lady says she doesn't want you again, you will be looking for ways to hurt her.
LOL @ anon3:33pm, you spoke my mind... Dnt mind the Mr poster...Gold digging tinz. Mr poster, I will advice you pick up your pride wherever you dropped it, go rent your own apartment with your money, and leave her property alone Simple! But seriously, you don't have shame. *flipshair* *walks away*
DeleteLmao
DeleteHahahahaha! You are so damn mean you know! But the truth is,you just might be right.If one beams a searchligh on this guy's story,all you'll sse is, where his interests are-her money!
DeleteLOL @ anon3:33pm, you spoke my mind... Dnt mind the Mr poster...Gold digging tinz. Mr poster, I will advice you pick up your pride wherever you dropped it, go rent your own apartment with your money, and leave her property alone Simple! But seriously, you don't have shame. *flipshair* *walks away*
DeleteLol @ anon!
DeleteBut I share ur sentiments!
This poster appears manipulative and I'm not buying it!
So you mean you will stop being "an African man" if we SDKers say there's nothing there,#YIMU!
Dear Poster,it is somehow,go and work hard and provide for ur family to be as God intended it to be.
Do not sell your birth right!
As for the girl,u be olodo,stop flaunting material things in front of ur man,as we have materialistic women,we have men too.
Be sure he's real before u start flashing, inugo!
Hian!
ReplyDeleteWhat is this poster saying?
You are an African man and so what?
Mtcheeew!
Poster you don vex my sister lol.
DeleteAwwwwww!!! Genny Baby don vex be that, she's always so loving,moved to tears and praying for posters.
DeleteIt is right dear, grab dt opportunity n dnt let it pass u by provided u trully love her n not willing to hurt her emotion.
ReplyDelete@queenamy not surprised u r a gold digger too mtchewww
DeleteThere is nothing wrong with moving into the house, its all about understanding between you guys, but just make sure you are responsible and working hard towards getting yours and try to manage whatever little money you are earning
ReplyDeleteYour comment will be visible after approval
Nor go o,u see dat submissiveness? It'll fly out d door(cos window too small), wen d chips r down. So my broda,begin save n leave her n her "blessed wit a good job" alone.... I've talked my own o
ReplyDeleteLeave her alone??? Jeez. I'm suprised at d way we still reason in this part of the world.
DeleteDear Abigail, its good to see that you are a woman making this comment. Your comment is based on personal experience or from others. You are very correct.
DeleteMr poster, you guys are still in the lovey dovey stage, so a lot of things might be overlooked. This world is not fair and we humans are flawed with so many weaknesses. People change over time, and with experience, get bolder, less inhibited, more critical, begin to question things etc. The novelty of marriage fades with time as the realities of parenthood, work stress, family stress, financial issues, age/health issues and things like that kick in. Try and imagine how you will feel in 10yrs time if, God forbid, you guys are still living in HER house with 1 or 2 kids? Will you still be cool with the arrangement?
Most women process and deal with things in a different way from men. This is part of what makes them unique and we have to understand and love them for that. A man naturally feels it is his duty to provide or be the larger provider for his woman and his family and he feels very proud doing it. This is not often the case for a woman - A MAN'S MONEY IS THE FAMILY'S MONEY, WHILE A WOMAN'S MONEY IS HER MONEY. A woman might eventually begin to take a dim view about the fact that she is the higher provider, and this fact will mostly come out in times of stress and argument. Its always a deeply depressing thing for any man to reconcile himself with.
If you guys really love each other, then you need to get her to LIVE WITH YOU BASED ON YOUR INCOME. Her house could be rented out while you rent what you can afford. Trust me, couples have to deal with far more complicated issues.
You might feel that you are very confident that you will make it and will eventually buy your own place and then rent or sell her place. Then I say to you, what if you don't make it in the timescales she is expecting? Besides, you guys will eventually have to sell or rent her place, so why don't you guys just do it out now and get a property based on your present income?
I've been married for over 10yrs and, trust me, adultery/cheating is not the biggest thing that splits couples. In fact, most couples sweep infidelity under the carpet so long as its not publicised and doesn't involve personal friends or family. What splits couples the most is irreconcilable deep-rooted differences due to a marriage that started off on the wrong footing or insecerity. Infidelity is just one of the side results of these differences.
Good luck!
Capt power hammer
Amazing reply.
DeleteCapt power hammer! Have you discuss with your wife?remember, marriage classes you talked out with Ezenwanyi, class 201 is holding next tomorrow at
DeleteEzenwanyi's tent! Starting from 1pm to 6pm. Endeavour to give her the necessary articles as stated in the list. Be rest assured that after the programme, there will improvement in:
-Positioning
-She will make you quiver! No more the round
-you will cum uncountable times in first round
- you will only think of her no more side chick
-after work hours you will run straight into her arms
-you will start to wash her pants! And a lot more! Please endeavour to pay bill latest first thing tomorrow morning.
Pepper Ose Oku! Na hazi!
Capt power hammer ure so on point n dts just d truth of d matter• Ure talking out of xperience ch is d best teacher• Dear poster marriage is not a bed of roses so make d right decision dt u won't regret later• Good luck. Nwanyi Owerre
Delete@anon 12:31 I didn't mean breakup wit her,I meant leave her money 4 her
Delete@Capt power H. perfect reply. I love the part you said "If you guys really love each other, then you need to get her to LIVE WITH YOU BASED ON YOUR INCOME."
Delete@anon 12:31 I didn't mean breakup wit her,I meant leave her money 4 her
Delete@Capt power H. perfect reply. I love the part you said "If you guys really love each other, then you need to get her to LIVE WITH YOU BASED ON YOUR INCOME."
DeleteNo it's not right. The right thing will be that you leave her the hell alone, so that someone who appreciates her should marry her.
ReplyDelete#see you mouth like "but am an African man"
me; Am an African man. But I won't mind having such a lady as my wife.
lol!
DeleteHahahaaaaaaaa. @ see you mouth like "but am an African man". Loool. Don't mind him. Bia Mr poster, are you guys based in Abj, cos you write like someone I know.
DeleteHahahaaaaaaaa. @ see you mouth like "but am an African man". Loool. Don't mind him. Bia Mr poster, are you guys based in Abj, cos you write like someone I know.
DeleteNot right poster,I know women...she will just wake up one day and throw you out of the house...
ReplyDeleteLet her rent the house out...
Oga(in bovi's voice) now wey u don see "sumisive" wife,chop ur pride or manhood,loool,n marry.
ReplyDeleteGbam!!!
DeleteShe has proven to be submissive to you, then why is moving in with her in her house the mean time a problem?please let go off this whole pride ish! Some African men are even wishing their wives can build a house that they can move into.
ReplyDeletePepper then owner of an 8 bedroom duplex on Banana island.
Ose oku!
Yes some men, some useless men mtchewww
DeletePls don't move in with her cos that would be the beginning of see finish in ur life.
ReplyDeleteInstead,advice her to rent out the apartment n use the returns to rent a residence which u must also have contributed to.
It's not only an african man thing but morally the man should be in charge.
The man shld be the provider.
It's not always rosey
GBAM!!!!!
DeleteGBAM!!!!!
DeleteWonderful!!!So u get sense like this?
DeleteNa u Don talk better talk
DeleteBig deal! Better move in, nothing wrong provided she doesn't rub it in. On the bright side you get to save your money , build better house and move the family in.
ReplyDeletemr poster and african pride, was marriage instituted in africa? does it function based on the african tradition? so why allow yourself be a bondage to the african mentality that seeks to subject women? if u are a christian and born again or not, go and pick up your bible...write out all the scriptures on marriage and meditate on it.....when u do that then go back and see if ur fears are even worth it.....if she is submissive to u why do u want your ego to start rearing its ugly head and causing problem in your home? if u truly love her and respect her she will only be a fool to start lording over you.....if you are not lazy and just marrying her for her money then no need for fear......even if you are hard working do you give her money for little things sometimes like her hair etc? do u buy her presents?
ReplyDeleteher suggestions make sense cos if you want to marry why waste money on rent when she has a house....it is how u carry yourself there after that matters..if you move into her house do not allow her make all the expenses for everything cos she is well paid.do your part and you will have your respect..don't misinterpret all she says cos u live in her house and assume she is bossing you....if at the end of the day you marry her and move into her home, you can use that time to build another home in both your name if u want then u can put hers for rent and of course the money ploughs back into the family..lastly God does not recognize u as an african man, he expects marriage to be done by his rules and in this case if she is submissive to you i dont see what your fear is..play ur part as a man and all will be well.
Best comment ever by Anon 12:24pm. Nobody needs to say anymore. GBAM!!!!!
DeleteChai, anon..........I jst fell in love with u for those words......na here wey d matter dey settled na
Deleteabigail you are a total idiot....a stupid woman who does not deserve a good man.....how dare you? have u been so battered in life u have no self esteem as a woman? do u know the woman? it is your type who tells cheating women their wife is to blame for their cheating.....what has african tradition that oppresses women got to do with marriage?...you are a disgrace to the female gender....stupid she goat
ReplyDeleteHahahhahahahahahaha na so e pain u? Agbaya
DeleteBest response Abigail
Deletestupid linda eze, cos ur mama na bad example of women u think all women are like her.....shame on u
ReplyDeleteIf he is so concerned about his pride, he should rent the house from her. Let him pay the rent for her house.
ReplyDeletehire-purchase
DeletePoster u can marry her if u feel genuinely 4 her but not kwarangida in her OWN house. Be the man u are. Let her rent it out, u rent an apartment and start a family. With time, u work towards achieving ur own. Don't ever look @ her money oo. Be responsible and don't be found wanting in d home. That way, whether she earns more or not, ur respect go dey 4 u. This is not abt women earning higher. As 4 me, if I make dat kain suggestion 4 my wld be hubby and he buys into dat, respect go comot small. I don't like a "yes ma'am" man. Being a man does not mean being oppressive. It is being sensible enough. Being hardworking. It comes with huge RESPONSIBILITY! #Belle
ReplyDeleteThis is marriage you are talking about here,once you take that idea with you as been an African man and what you say is final, then it gets really boring and controlling. You are married to a professional and a very hardworking Lady,that means your idea of being in charge and controlling might not work 100%,because she will always have her own opinion and according to life successes and her level of achievements you must listen.
ReplyDeleteIf you are very controlling you might have issues with her,i.say you calm down,learn from her, marry her,you will grow better and still respect her once you have achieved a lot;Congratulations in advance,he who finds a wife,findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the Lord; you are already favoured before marriage;expect more.
well said Kaycee.
DeleteChop knuckle,LOL
Good one kaycee! 'If you re very controllng'.As an 'African' man',he definately is, Even if its a BQ at mushin,rent it, before you marry your 'landlady'.
DeleteBOOM LOL!
DeleteHmmm guy mbok don't move in with her unless you're sure you won't misbehave and you'll up your game. As long as you can make her happy and continue to be the man she fell for you have no problem.
ReplyDeleteExactly Trina! If u dont misbehave,there wont be issues.I believe there is no mad woman out there, if a man treats his wife well, she will surely love him n respect him.
DeletePink-shell,I appreciate ur sincerity when u called me even though u took a long time b4 u called.u sounded genuine n truthful. I was expecting u to be sceptical of d prophesy I delivered to u.anyways,just do wat I asked u to do n it will all be alright.my regards to ur sisters. To all d SDKers dat take spiritual things lightly,learn from pink-shell(I don't wanto mention ur real name). Bless. Contact me via: Deliverance@prophetjames.com
ReplyDeleteProphet James, Howdy? Can u see what exactly d problem is? I dream of lizards once I sleep at night. And I wake up scared. I'm actually scared of lizards in reality. Dis dreams come every night I fornicate with my bf and at times even when I don't fornicate I will still be dreaming of lizards looking like old women especially d head of the lizard. 2ndly, I'm always having sex or aroused or being smooched in my dream by faces I don't know. And I wake up wet n horny. I have gone to mfm Onike for 1week deliverance but dis issues haven't stopped. Can u conduct deliverance for me. I want to start having peaceful sleep without being disturbed by reptiles or spirit husbands. Waiting to hear from you.
DeletePut ur no down. Il call u
DeleteProphet james, werey ni e.
DeleteAbeg wetin be my real name?
Stella wia is my comment?
Why re u now announcing ? So others can call? She called or not should be private abeg!
DeleteAhhh!!! Oluwapinky,asiri tu...lmao. No wonder u'v been mentioning prophet james in all ur comments today...so u don go do ise with him... How many demons he don cast out?abi na river birth he say make u go do?I'l gladly escort u if na river bath o
DeleteLmao!
DeletePepper
Hehehe! #Egbami oo
DeleteBitchplis ori e o kpe
O re gidi gaan ni
Comedy re-loaded.......hahahahaha.....i cant stop laughing with dis comment and replies.......
DeleteSo far u dnt allow 'third parties' I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ ur relationship α̲̅πϑ marriage, all Ȋ̝̊̅§ well with you. However, pls dnt ever be a lazy man!
ReplyDeletepeteru! Is dat u? Seems dem dey folo u 4rm ur village!
ReplyDeleteAbi dem swear 4 u 2 hate beta tin?
U wel so?
C'mon ll u jst marry d hardwrkn lady n shove dat "african man pride" of urz down ur a**!
Nobody is suggesting he shouldn't marry her. He just has to understand certain things and put some safeguards in place. Its amazing how quickly some sweet things turn sour.
DeleteMarriage is not a businesses venture that you go into with calculated risks and affairs are conducted in a levelheaded business manner. With business, levelheaded love may turn into levelheaded hate, and people cut their losses in a levelheaded way if things go wrong. With marriage, intense love turns into intense hatred and people behave irrationally when things go wrong.
Capt power hammer
Stella as if you don't know how smug and disrespectful women are when they seem in control just because of means.
ReplyDeleteIf you really want that girl, rent an equal 3 bedroom apartment that's comfortable and in an environment you can claim is better for you. Ask her to rent out that her own. If she chooses to contribute with the income from that her house, no problem. But be a man just as you would've been if she was all you said she is but without such enormous blessing yet.
If she didn't buy the house and you married her, won't you provide accommodation for your family.?
Be warned. Marriage no matter how sweet has bitter n quarrelsome moments. Without meaning to hurt you but in heated moments, you may hear what ordinarily she wouldn't want to say to you and that become the genesis of your problems out of bitterness
African men r intimidated by highly successful women.
ReplyDelete*e-hug*
Delete*e-hug*
DeleteWell said
DeleteOga poster, if u knw wat is good for u put dat house on rent nd use d money to get a place bikonu.
ReplyDeleteI see nothing wrong with that provided you can vouch for her submission when the chips are down. My own parents were in the same situation and they had to move into my mother's house and are still there now. Infact,with the way things are going,I doubt my dad will build on his own land he later bought.by the way,they have been married for 26yrs. So calm down and increase your hustle. It shall be well.
ReplyDeleteif you are both Christians and strong in the Lord then there is no problem. you will both grow and reach even greater heights and even if it takes longer than either of you anticipated, you will have the joy of the Lord in your hearts.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER, if you are a wordly man (partying, drinking etc) and she is God fearing then there will be a problem as she may feel used and have issues continuing with the submission.
she seems like a jewel of inestimable value. do well to her.
Stella stop encouraging men to become what they are not created to be. Unless you lot are married to SISSIES, is it not a man's place to provide?
ReplyDeleteI hope you will be happy your son or brother is getting married and will move into the wife's house after the wedding.
You women on this blog should gauge your comments regarding men and women matter by asking yourself- what if it's my son or brother?
Stella stop encouraging men to become what they are not created to be. Unless you lot are married to SISSIES, is it not a man's place to provide?
ReplyDeleteI hope you will be happy your son or brother is getting married and will move into the wife's house after the wedding.
You women on this blog should gauge your comments regarding men and women matter by asking yourself- what if it's my son or brother?
@ poster pls investigate the girl thoroughly.
ReplyDeleteThats how a very nice man I know fell deeply and married one stupid runs girl ,he was always like she never asks for money, she's so enterprising blabla
long and short, not only was she a runs girl, she still continued sleeping with that animalistic alams after her married.
what can I say the young lad ended up divorcing her ass, while she's still milking on her profession- runs!
Are u a learner?? Getting married to a submissive and prudent wife is the best thing that can happen to any man. Nothing gives a man relief like a financially and morally supportive wife. So Mr man, if I were u, I'd take the offer and also work harder to balance it.
ReplyDeleteI live in Uyo. I know many men that married off all the single ladies from Akpabio's family or single ladies working directly under Akpabio's government. The ladies in question are the bread winners and house builders. After 2015, we will know those that married for love. We will also know the men that came to chop money and we will also know the ladies that were just looking for a man that will be the father of their children. *the games people play. For the young lazy men that thought they were the players, they will be surprised to see they were dealing with the master players.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing first, how long have you two been dating?
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing like African man mentality. I personally think it's a phrase weak men use to hide their insecurities and low self-image.
The duration of your relationship for me has a lot to do in the decision of if or not you should move in with her.
Cause if you've only known her for 3months and you are already talking marriage and moving into her house then you might want to slow down and get to know each better.
All other things being equal, there are some really submissive women. In Nigeria today a lot of women are the bread winners in their home yet no one knows. They give their husband all the respect and submission. Some will even tell their children go and ask your daddy, and she will be the one to supply daddy with the money at the back to give them oo.
So there's nothing African about marriage. One should just pray to God to meet the right spouse.
I am a woman but I will advise that she put the house on rent and move in with you..even if na one bedroom you dey stay.
ReplyDeleteIf u must marry her,,respect urself to avoid had i know,,play ur part perfect
ReplyDeleteExactly...
DeleteYou pple shud stop scaring this young lad now.
ReplyDeleteDear poster,husby-to-be go and ahead and marry her buh don't shoot her like Oscar Pistorius.
Men and Ego, I smh.
"You attract who you are".
Some men will prosper through their wives no be curse nah destiny.
I don't know how you want to be using the rent of just 3bedrm duplex to build another house of your own.
Kuku start afresh by using salary and others proceeds buh not rent.
For a professional and a successful woman no matter how submissive she is,you guys will surely argue ni sha in this 'space' age (keep dat in mind).
Looks can be deceptive too,she might be submissive now becos she wan marry and hope to resume her true sef after marriage.
Above all,seek God to show you if you guys will work out, money or no money.
Plus my mum built her house at her hometown b4 she got married and I never saw her cause trouble buh that was in 197*.
Great News...very relieving! Soldiers and local hunters rescuing about 80 out of the 100 abducted girls in Borno.
ReplyDeleteAnon 12:38pm I totally agree with you. And he should pay rent at a normal rate not subsidised. If I am the lady and mr man refuses to move into the house or rent mine, no problem. He should not just expect me to contribute the proceeds of my renting it out for household upkeep since he has excluded it from the marriage agreement. Now I understand why my mum said I should never tell any suitor that I have a plot of land even untill I marry him. Once a single woman is successfull, people judge her to be rude and unsubmissive. We are really very suspicious in this country.
ReplyDeleteif you are humble and obedient you will eat the good of the land
ReplyDeletePoster i will NEVER advice my child to go into such marriage. I am very exposed but when it come's to things like that i am old fashioned.
ReplyDeleteIf you love eachother, then no problem. Though living in a woman's house has its ups and downs. But if you are a certain guy in saudi arabia, I pity you. You will regret your life cos what are think is what she wants you to think. Do enough homework before thinking of committing. To be fore warned is to be fore armed.
ReplyDeleteYou must be MAD to let such opportunity pass you by.
ReplyDeleteGold digger alert{}
DeleteU really need to evaluate things before you go ahead. Marriage no b beans o.
ReplyDelete@poster u no her better dan we all do here. In my own opinion I will tell u to go get a place of ur own than moving in with her.
ReplyDeletePoster- Are you willing to rent a house and pay the rent alone until you can afford to buy your dream home? If the answer is yes then suggest this to your girlfriend but it could pose some problems for you guys though because she could come up with the 'you don't trust me phrase' All the best!
ReplyDelete7 types of men who will never marry you- click my name to read more
Poster- Are you willing to rent a house and pay the rent alone until you can afford to buy your dream home? If the answer is yes then suggest this to your girlfriend but it could pose some problems for you guys though because she could come up with the 'you don't trust me phrase' All the best!
ReplyDelete7 types of men who will never marry you- click my name to read more
Dear Poster your story just dey itch me for body.The more I try to tell myself It's ok to move in with her something just doesn't feel right so I will tell you the truth. Pls talk to her gently to rent out the house you guys can then contribute money and rent an affordable place. She might be very submissive and all that but remember couples quarrel & if she talks back at you now or argues with your idea you will fill she is being possessive b/c you live in her house. So Mr Poster find a neutral ground, rent an apartment, marry her, the two are newly married need to be able to express yourself without any fear of being judged by each other.
ReplyDeleteBut remember her kind is rare. Guard jealously.
Breezy
It is a welcome idea but dont hurt her and don't because she has money more than you and you decide to be lazy. try and encourage her and also make sure you truly love her not because of her money
ReplyDelete