STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BATTLING MARITAL DEPRESSION DUE TO STINGY SPOUSE
Hi Stella, Please I need your advice as well as that of BVNs on this:
I have been battling depression and sadness for a while now. I got married four years ago and it's been far from being rosy. I got married @ a young age and have an amazing career.
When I was single, it was difficult for me to differentiate between men who truly loved me and those who wanted my money cos suitors were all over me. Choosing from d last two was a problem cos one seemed humble, from a christian home, Infact, I saw him as a good husband material and he earned less than me and the 2nd one was quite arrogant, from a rich background,earns a lot. But his arrogance was much.
Now, I chose the 1st cos I saw beyond his salary and felt that with mine, we could achieve all we wanted. We got married and since then, I feel sapped emotionally, physically, financially and indeed in every area of my life. Dude left all family expenses 4 me. I take care of food, clothes and part of rent. We have three kids now and I bought all d things d new borns needed.
You guys know how expensive kids stuffs are especially if you love good and quality ones. From hospital bills to buying omugwo stuffs for my mum; he won't even bring #1. I'd spend huge amounts to settle my mum after omugwo cos she deserves a lot but Dude won't lift a finger and he works o!
I always buy things for his parents, I'd spend thousands of naira and immediately we get to his parents' house, he would hand them the things I bought and they would think he bought them and start thanking him.
He believes in taking care of himself alone. It's only 5k that he has brought for these clothes after much fight. Yet, I spend a fortune in buying them wears cos I love quality. He won't even say you have tried;would pretend like he's not seeing them.
I'm married but it's better i'm single cos I haven't gotten any form of gift from this man. He took back the push present he got me after 2wks and that's the last thing I ever got from him. I buy my clothes and take care of ALL my bills. No gift or help from him but he would wear good things, spend on his car and all year round, would be complaining about how things didn't work for him that year and how he's sorry he's subjecting to hardship by leaving the family's responsibilities for me and all and stupid me would start encouraging him.
Once I beg him to assist me in taking care of the kids,thats how he'd start shouting that every time I'd be saying he isn't doing anything but he buys fuel I enjoy and table water I drink- what matter of dad won't pay school fees, buy diapers and baby foods,take care of family expenses but would still be making noise? he would ask That do I want to be worshipped;that by the way am doing it for the family and not for him.
He never appreciates. And then I open instagram and see how the guy I termed arrogant is enjoying life with his family while I struggle alone to take care of my kids,I just lol.life eh! Shebi I should have married him with his arrogance and saved myself from this energy sapping marriage ;-).
Bottom line: my hubby is too stingy; how do I get him to live up to his responsibilities. I'm supposed to support and not become the breadwinner.
*Hmmmmmm...!!!
Orishirishi.
ReplyDeleteBrb.
*******LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS******
Poster, change your ways... yes, change completely!
DeleteTell him you have to move to a smaller apartment and that you can't afford the rent and school fees all alone.
STOP buying things (even if na snuff) for his parents. During holiday make sure you go visit them empty handed.
Stop buying things for your husband also.
Take very good care of your children. Eat out and eat very good food, but when you are cooking at home, cook with #500 let him come and eat that one.
Stock your house with only the things your children need. No even buy adult milk sef, let him buy if he wants to eat milk. Yes, be that mean.
I know people will tell you to pray,pray, pray, pray........ no be every situation need prayer abeg. Even Jesus flog people for bible, why did He not pray them at that point.
God forbid! If you loose your job today nko? What becomes of you and the kids?
Take action abeg, and fast!
Having too many suitors has its own disadvantage. Father pls take away distractions and bring only the right man for me. This is my year
DeleteMen who don't pay bills......
DeleteTellingly, we now have a preponderance of men who can't pay bills in this era than in any other period in history of mankind. A lot is responsible for this. From the rise and rise of the number of women with skills to compete with men in the Labour market, to the high rate of unemployment which is hitting men the most.
However, there exist a fringe of "fine boys" who simply want to be bottlefed all their lives. This group are doing the most damages in marriages, and unfortunately, the unpalatable stories we hear everyday will never be enough warning to stop the next successful girl from going to the "pet market" to buy herself another gum chewing, feeding bottle sucking fine boy in the name of husband. Yet tomorrow she will bring her sorrows for us to share on social media.
It is unnatural for a man not to provide for his household (even the Bible says such men are worse than infidels). However, most of them in this position loathe their status and are doing everything to reverse it. I pray they find the opportunities. ....
There are very few examples in the animal kingdom to explain away this phenomenon. The Lion who hardly hunts for food but rely on the Lioness in his Pride for food do join in hunting especially when a bigger,more dangerous prey like the Buffalo or Giraffes are encountered. Aside that,it provides protection and help nurture the cubs.
Igbo people say that if a man does not have money,he should at least have good character. Our elders also say that if a woman is barren,she should at least be healthy and beautiful.
If you are not putting food on the table,not picking the bills, the least you can do is to be a responsible father and husband. Help get the kids ready for school, do school runs,attend Open Days,and monitor your kids academics closely as you have the time. Ensure the home front run smoothly, all these will not stop you from having erections and being a man. It even open your eyes to a lot of things and bring you closer to your spouse and kids.
It is not true that women became "uncontrollable" as soon as they become successful. When you want your woman to be the father and mother at the same time,without you lifting a finger to help even in the most mundane things like taking her car to the mechanic, buying fuel for the generator, helping the kids with homework; you inadvertently sold your right at the head of the home. It is natural.
I ga abu ogbenye buru amusu?
It is double tragedy for anyone to be poor and also be a witch at the same time.
If you can't pay bills,please do not mismanage the little your wife is bringing home,be an odozi aku instead.
You cannot not pay bills and still want to be wasteful........
No....it is unacceptable.....
If you care so much about your ego,lift a finger and be productive. ....
Tafia from NY.. Una go well o BVS..
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteMy dear lady, pretend to be broke. That's all you need to waken him to his responsibilities. I don't know how close you are to your boss, explain things to him/her, tell them to pay your next and coming salary into another account and when month ends, start lamenting about how you weren't paid your salary. Act drama ontop, call your boss in your office and put the phone on speaker. Your boss should apologise and even tell you in advance that they may not pay salary for the coming month.
DeleteTry this and see if he won't buy bag of rice and takeover his duties immediately.
Please ignore typos ooo. Typed this with sleepy eyes.
I dont think theres anything you can do cos it seems thats who he is.
DeleteMy dear, dont be envious of the 2nd guy o, you dont know what his wife is suffering, maybe she has even sent in chronicles here but you dont know.
From what yiu have said, it would have been different if he didnt have but how can a man not contribute to anything in the house and hes working?
Sad and shameful
He is related to teebliz
DeleteMadam poster, are you sure you're not my mother? Your marriage is still new and you're already complaining. My parents have been married for 25 years and counting. My dad has never bought any shoes, clothes, even pant and boxers for my siblings and I. He never brings money for upkeep. Mom built a house where we stay right now, he is claiming he is the one that built. My dad is an assistant director in a federal ministry parastatal o, so imagine his salary. What I always say to my mom is she caused it. How can she be living like a widow and we be living like fatherless children when her husband is still very much alive? When the nonsense started she didn't curb it. It is when the iron is hot you bend it. You just dey start, you better hit the iron. Ask my mom who is sponsoring my siblings and I, feeding the whole house - dad's family included, buying both our and her clothes how she feels now? She would tell you she never should have married him. For crying out loud her ex is a naval commodore. You better fight for the change now before you become like my mother who is suffering and smiling in her marriage right now. #MyTwoCents. God bless my mom.
DeleteMadam poster u don't have a single problem.just adjust.take it that u are single and divorced but u have a guest in ur house u can't ddrive away:ur husbandd.dont do anything u know will make him feel married!stop all de benefits.always go out wit ur kids and pls detach from him and his family.be ready to divorce him.save very well and take care of ur babies.that man get babe somewhere wey dey validate am.and he spends on her!a man must spend on a woman God made it so,if it's not u den someone else is enjoying it while u are doing oshofree.trust me do it!except if ur own marriage is do or die
DeleteGod forbid!
ReplyDelete*startS to speak in tongues*
@Fab mum, poor lazy men only derive happiness in gbenshing Toto. Dats why u will see a poor dat lives in 2 rooms with 10 children. But u will see a multi millionaire with just 2 children.
DeleteLMAO
DeleteUna no go kill person o *joins her
Madam poster,it's ur cross,carry it
DeleteRotfl....*joins speaking in tongues*
DeleteI can't deal with stingy men... God any man may go pretend as we dey date I rebuke am out of my life.. Bcos if I marry am , he later show me he true colors nah divorce straight... If a man doesn't have, is well understandable... You get and decide to b stingy , common who does that?..abeg may stingy men go hug Transformer
DeleteSister, watch war room
DeletePray for him
Madam, abegi keep quiet. Them force u to marry him?
ReplyDeleteCarry ur cross please. It is for better for worse.
In your next life, don't be in a hurry to tie the knot
It's sad reading what people like you type, you still av a lot to learn.May God help you
DeleteWere you trained at all?
DeleteShe needs advice not curse besides she wasn't in a husband to marry
Poster sounds naive. First of all, you said you married young, so why were you that desperate and in a hurry at a young age, that you closed your eyes to these things? All this chronicle people can lie! They will be feeling themselves, saying suitors are all over them and all of them will be fuckboy suitors. Secondly, check your self to make sure you are not rubbing your wealth in his face. Are you forming miss independent for him? Reduce your spending on his parents and change from high end brands to normal clothes for your kids. Are you even saving? This issue is his fault obviously but you made the conscious decision to be with him, so the responsibility to keep the marriage is yours now o.
DeleteThere's nothing bad being married to a man who earns lower than you. You just have to come down to his salary standard of living. My mind tells me you insisted on staying in the particular house you are now, because it is "quality", not putting into consideration his disposable income. If you want to tackle this issue head on, be ready for divorce because it will be a tasking battle. My parents have been seperated for over 20 years now because of exactly this your issue. He started beating her sef. 3 kids too.
DeleteShe was earning more than him too. You need to start saving madam.
Hahaha I love this. True talk. I don tire to dey read the same thing in different versions. International version, King James version, holy version, broke ass version etc.
DeleteMy dear, carry your cross, divorce him or pray to God to remove the spirit of stingyness in him. It's that simple.
Next time pray to God before picking a spouse.
Tiwa, please dump teebillz he's gonna sap you dry. Dump him oooo...before u start looking for how to pay 45million naira!
ReplyDeleteLmao. Madam poster make a video about your ordeals and post on YouTube.
DeleteMadam everything is not as it is on instagram so quit the comparison.
DeleteYour foundation is faulty, you let the man enjoyed the fact that you're an independent lady before marriage and he never bothered to change after marriage. Poster, you need no advice, just pray to God to continue to bless you more because you're the head of the family.
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Lmao.... Wetin u talk dey bitter but na true
DeleteMy thoughts exactly. Theze days i use chronicles as a lesson. Two qualities a man MUST have befote you date me: generosity and patience. Ladies, if you're independent still make sure the man spends on you in certain ways. How many times do we have to say this? You people be forming I'm tough and okay. Me? I'm 'never' okay oh! The way I throw bills even before we start dating, only the strong can survive. Who send u message? I will tell you I need my toiletries. If you can't follow me to buy I'd order on jumia and use your address and phone number. I can very well afford it but mehn, I'm a generous person and God knows I've passed that stage of handing over generous me to stingy guys (I am generous with everything-time, effort, money, gifts. And I like better thing!!) Your mechanic will be my mechanic oh! My fridge is constantly empty when you visit at weekends. You want soup? Oya let's go to market. Once u park, I don commot and for soup money. You must be a giver before I start giving.
DeleteIn the Bible, Abraham sent his servant to pick a wife for Isaac. What did Abraham do? He gave his servant GIFTS for the wife he had not even seen. And when the servant saw that Rebecca had all the qualities he prayed for (by giving his camels water to drink and telling him about her lineage) what did he do? He FIRST adorned her before asking to meet her family. The bible says she went and told her family about the man and when her folks set their eyes on her, they knew what had happened.
I use this passage to pray everyday. "FATHER ANY MAN THAT CAN'T ADORN ME PLEASE KICK HIM AWAY FROM ME". Cos women aren't built by God to be the breadwinners. They get drained easily. Check it. Any woman who is the bread winner in her home is always angry.
Madam, you have to do something drastic. Maybe lock him out of the house since na u be oga nau. Or leave with your kids to your folks. Tell them you're still single and there's no impact of a man in your life. You have to make trouble and call his shame out. You're covering for him that's why he's doing all this bullshit.
Gba.. u started by forming independent. Lol
DeleteSpot on. You showed him you could handle everything on your own now you are complaining.
DeleteI don't think there's any solution to your problem except praying that the Holy Spirit would make him do the right thing.
I still don't understand why women are always in a hurry to marry. Most times they end up with a man they know very little about.
ReplyDeleteJame!
DeleteJames
No be dey ask dem 2 quick marry?
Now you don change mouth
My dear sis some men dikwa naturally stingy, pls go on your kneels and ask Jesus to fix it. It is well with you.
ReplyDeleteI swear stingy dudes
DeleteYou just described Teebillz, pls leave before he saps your destiny
KNEES oh! KNEES
DeletePoor men always seem humble, that's y they will keep getting d good gals. Rich men are always arrogant but usually spend at home, if u will condone their infidelity though. Pele my dear, but u just av to take care of ur kids n stop buying things for his mum. Take care of urself n kids n ignore him. U can even move to a smaller apartment next time without him. If he complains, tell him u can't afford d luxury of d big house since he isn't paying for d rent. If he sees u surviving without even bothering him, he will sit up by force.
ReplyDeleteI support house move mehn
DeleteDude be paying house rent and feeling fly. Is it hose rent and bottled water that sustains a home? Rubbish
DeleteOK. He is stingy. What then attracted you to him?
ReplyDeleteIt must be dat he used to gbensh ur Toto very well.
You never cease to amaze me with the way you display your stupidity publicly..you will be fine
DeleteJames use ur head for once abeg, this ur comment got me real thinking. Na waoo, dem force u to comment? abeg relax, de woman needs good advice and encouragement.
DeleteStupidity per excellence, *clapping.
DeleteHahahahahaha
Delete@ James, must everything about you be about gbensh n toto...
DeleteU really need to reset your brain! Jeezz
James !James!! The brainless mofo....kikikikikikikiki
DeleteYou're just a fool. Irrelevant comment.
DeleteHow do you date someone that can't buy you gift? Not to talk of marriage
ReplyDeleteI love gift mehn!
This is thought provoking
ReplyDeleteJeeez, second tiwa and tblizz. Fix them lord
ReplyDeleteWhy won't he be stingy when some of you women claim miss independent?...
ReplyDeleteNo matter how rich a woman is,make sure you tax your man!...
It's an abomination to allow your wife to feed you where I come from...
There's nothing you can do again poster cos you didn't tackle this from the begining of your marriage with him!...
Take it as your cross and carry it with a smile on your face...
Don't worry,your children will wipe away this tears from your eyes when they grow up!...
Best comment.
DeleteI agree with you,she don already start am. Nothing like miss independent in marriage,my money is mine and urs our. No matter how small ur own is. Call me wicked but it is bcos I love u and I don't want to take ur responsibility from you. I wld definately b dere for u wen d chips are down. Dts how it shld be
DeleteTruth
Deleteposter abeg tie ur legs, don take in again. since only u don turn to the papa and mama of de kids. I knw a woman who suffered like dat and she later died out of stress. thank God dey r jst three kids, so nne jst kwantinu wit wat u have started. and forget abt procreation biko.
DeleteSTOP buying anything for his parents!He will be forced to do so by himself. You are trying too hard to be on their good side.
DeleteSTOP your 'high taste and quality' you better safe for rainy days! Because, your husband is a saving his money very well! You think he is spending it on himself alone?
CUT down your expenses at home. Tell him because of a huge loan you took from the office to take care of your pregnancies and other stuff that, your salary is being deducted drastically.
You better wise up woman and stop wasting money because you have a lavish taste from your write up.
Awww
DeleteSweetest comment from you ever.
👏👏👏👏 Thank you ma'am!
DeleteGbam!!!!?
DeleteSpot on queen and boss
DeleteAs i am earning molar online now, my man buys everything that i need including my tooth brush, gives me money for human hair by fire by fire.infact everything that i need what so ever and even fuel my car. Every damn thing that i need
I only spend my money when there is a little misunderstanding between us or i just feel like preparing a nice meal for my family apart from that. My money will be in my bank acct. It is his responsibility to take care of me and my children while my responsibility is to give my children better home training and prepare nice meal for my family and not the other way round. It is an abomination in my place for a woman to be feeding a man and taking up a mans responsibility.
She can SUPPORT anyway and not taking FULL RESPONSIBILITY of a Man
Kedu isi bu na obu dibia uno ?
Obuzi so ila otu ka opasitara huh?
Njo kwo nwa na azu ka obu.
If u re a woman and u have money, dnt brag about it to ur husband by taking up a responsibility that u will regret later. For my side anaghim ako udi akuko ahu ako self.
So poster better carry ur cross u have two options either u continue spending as usual or u run for ur dear life
Ladies /women abeg make una no start wetin una no fit finish. Cos thats the reason why there are so many lazy men in the world because they believe their wife is capable financially.
Wobbish
But some men sha
DeleteWell said Madam
DeleteGbam!!!
DeleteIt's simple.
ReplyDeleteStop spending on him and also stop buying stuff for his family.
Think of yourself and your kids alone,if need be your mum.
Asides those,the other responsibilities should be left.
If he doesn't do anything,you shouldn't as well.
When time to pay d rent approaches,if you nags about not having a Gud year,tell him same aswell.
If he likes he should pay,if he doesn't then d landlord should kick y'all out.
If d food stuff @home finishes,do nothing about it rather stylishly take your kids out eat to your fill,,make sure they've had enough and then go home like nothing happened
Notwithstanding,that doesn't mean u wont buy dem lil food stuff for your kids though and stuck up d house
If she stop spending like before her decision might turn him into a monster. Madam if u take dis advise den very soon we will read ur "chronicle of domestic violence" if there's anything like dat in here.
DeleteGbam... I like this your advice. But this poster seems like a softy to me. Am very sure she funded a bigger part of her wedding. Madame it's not too late. Learn to also fold your hands & be stingy too, just pretend you don't have. What rubbish.
DeleteExactly what I was about to say.
DeleteI love this advise,is true u have to stop if not he won't stop, plis if he raises his hand on you move out, you have tried very much. I respect u but there's little a woman can take... Don't spend on him don't buy gifts for him.
DeleteSince you're the head start acting like it.he's a fool when he sees ure not bringing out anything he's head will become correct. Mumu man
@Elena, you advice is good but dangerous because we don't know his personality apart from being stingy, but she can gradually introduce that system in her home by reducing the quality of food she cooks and be complanning bitterly how things are increasing in the market. But I doubt if she can pull it off because she has taste for quality.
DeleteHOW CAN SOME WOMEN BE EATING WITH THEIR 10 FINGERS? smh!
WOMAN! SAVE!
SAVE!
SAVE!
SAVE!
Anonymous I disagree with you. The man is cunny and playing games. So she has to be cunny as well
DeleteOti o! All i know is that i hate stingy men o. Ah! Stop buying things for his parents. Start from there then use warri sense for him joor.
ReplyDelete946 comment 2016
@ poster...yur Husband just went 'Teebillz' on you.
DeleteHere to read comments & Learn...
Madam U better runnnnnnnn
ReplyDeleteRun to where? Your house?
DeleteSinging *hit d road jack...n quit coming back no more!....No more!!..#humming #dropsmic
ReplyDelete*hit the road jack and quit coming back no more.... more.... more. ... more....
DeleteYou started forming Miss independent from the beginning. Now you're reaping the fruits. Wise up. He is going to rebel now because youre asking him to do things he is not used to.
ReplyDeleteI advise you go back to square one and let him take up his responsiblities.
Even though I'm financially comfortable I refuse to take up my husband's responsiblities. My friends even see it as greed that I still collect monthly allowance from my husband for my hair and cosmetics. But its my rule. He complained once that he knows my account balance so why am I still disturbing him. I asked him then if I wasn't his responsiblity? Since then he stopped complaining. If your husband isn't spending his money on you and the kids then what is he doing with it?
U re on point my darling. Stingy men no bi am. Abeg husband (s) can u guys just b responsible for once. Even me.... I feel my husband is stingy n I do preach to him about it though we re still new in d marriage
DeleteMy dear, ask o
DeleteYou laid your bed,so keep living in your depressive life, you chose wrong,you can't say you didn't see the warning ⚠ sign while you were dating,even if the guy was a great pretender at that time but you still knew he wasn't earning much salary.i think you encouraged him to be that way not spending any money on you,the guy is used to the way you groomed him and that is why he doesn't still bother spending on you and your kids.you caused it now you wish he will change...take him for counselling.
ReplyDeleteI thought they said if u earning ur own money, d man would respect u?
ReplyDeleteFor where!!!!!
DeleteRespect ko Represent ni
The lazy ones will relax...as in RELAX...
😂😂😂😂
DeleteEarn ur own but not to rub it on the man's face. Stop forming overly independent biko
DeleteMiss independent, deal with it.
ReplyDeletePoster is your husband related to TeeBillz?
ReplyDeleteAnyways, u too stop spending ur money on him and spend it on ur children.
Meanwhile social media PDA btwn couples is nt always rosy as u think so don't assume nonsense in ur head.
Before I finish reading, 3 kids in 4yrs?? How do you all do it?? Wow.. OK let me continue reading
ReplyDeleteWhat is how do you all do it? You want her to birth 3 kids in the span of 15 years?
DeleteHmmm!
ReplyDeleteIf you read sdk blog and you don't learn in one way or the other, then you are daft. I've learnt a lot from this blog.
Madam, you have 3kids already. Lift your cross. You are the breadwinner of your family and God has been strengthening you. What your husband doesn't know is that, he will never receive the blessing of a breadwinner if he continue that way. The lord is your strength ma'am
Tax your husband girl even though you don't need it. I used to earn more than my husband but he gives me my monthly allowance steady. Enough of miss independent abeg.
DeleteIf he does not change, please make sure your children know you've been doing all ooooooooooooooo! Some men are not worth it please.
About the in-laws, don't stop giving them stuffs but make sure they know you bought them with your hard earned money!
This bible wey u dey preach. .... This man doesn't seem God fearing so no need 😂
DeleteTrue talk dear
DeleteChronicle,chronicle everyday una no dey Taya for pr**k matter
ReplyDeleteMan,man man, everyday.
He is not just stingy, he is also wicked......why not divorce the bastard and go enjoy ur life with ur kids......I wonder how a man will feel comfortable with a lady taking care of the expenses, i can't just deal.......when i go out with a girl or a girl visits me, i feel so miserable and shameful if she spends her 10naira......madam as far as i am concerned u are single
ReplyDeleteThis your own too much haba divorce on top wetin shebi she be miss independent
DeleteHe is not just stingy, he is also wicked......why not divorce the bastard and go enjoy ur life with ur kids......I wonder how a man will feel comfortable with a lady taking care of the expenses, i can't just deal.......when i go out with a girl or a girl visits me, i feel so miserable and shameful if she spends her 10naira......madam as far as i am concerned u are single
ReplyDeleteYou feel 'shameful'... Okay kontinu
DeleteSorry dear about your predicament. Everyone has one problem or another and never believe all you see on Instagram or social media, you don't know thier pain.sit hubby down and talk to him.
ReplyDeleteWord! I don't do all them Instagram and social media fake life. You have no idea what his family goes through.
DeleteSort Yourself
ReplyDeleteYou saw the signs earlier
Some men can be really annoying. Once they see u start making small money, they will put eye and leave part of their responsibilities for you. This one is worst sef,complaining that he us buying fuel and water. No buy nau,let another man buy them for your wife. Poster you better do the little you can and start saving. This type of man will be a cheerful giver outside oo.rubbish
ReplyDeleteI sabi one naija actress wey don sucK her hubby dry cos he was a cheerful giver in his single days. She don enter him pocket sotey the guy stingy to everyone else by force. Haha.
DeleteThis one is tough o,I suggest u hold on to ur money for now.Eat out or chop wash plates n pots.do not prepare food let him go to bed hungry just generally pretend to be broke stop all expenses for now and see if he'll manage to bring out pretend as if u were dupped of a huge sum or something. What do I even knw? abeg let me no gv u advice dt will add fuel to a burning fire
ReplyDeleteLol.
ReplyDeleteAnd how do you know that Mr. Arrogant 's wife is enjoying her marriage to him?
You should know by now that people put up only stuff they want others to see.
So, in other words, your husband is pulling a Tbillz on you.
There's no hard and fast rule to get him to take up responsibility o. Especially as you've talked and talked.
Since you're capable of doing so, just keep taking care of yourself and your children.
You can try paying your children's school fees without his knowledge, and tell him to get the money, to see what exactly he'll say.
Lol...it may not even work, seeing as he knows you can afford the fees, but what's the harm in trying? And stop buying him things. Which kind mumu love be that one sef?
And why did he take back the push present?
Maynne, I just can't with some chronicles.
Everyday, I see more reasons why no girl wants a broke ass man anymore.
#WhiteDiamondOut
@ White, ur comments re always d best I get to read on this blog. Thumps up to u jare
DeleteHe can always find out from the school if the fees have been paid na.
DeleteIf u can afford it why complain?
ReplyDelete#genderequality
I feel she just wants to be appreciated...and the burden is kinda becoming too much for her...I mean, the man gata MAN UP u know...
DeleteY are u now complaining? I hate stingy guys with passion . I would've advise u to leave him if maybe he was violence please carry ur cross.
ReplyDeleteViolency nko?
DeletePoster, is your husband TEEBILLZ? Just asking o
ReplyDelete#teamrichoveranything
ReplyDeleteNa now day break? You encouraged him from the beginning thinking he'll respect you more if you don't bug him for money. Something you should have raised alarm on from the beginning...
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing much you can do than to continue from where you stopped or hope he changes (there's nothing beyond God).
It's hard for stingy people to change especially now that he's passed the stage of getting your attention to marry him.
And don't even wish you married Mr arrogant. You hav mo idea what his Family is going through, forget IG show off.
Exactly.
DeleteLol @ na now day break. Correct question. Day don break since, she decide to continue sleeping. Miss independent no dey pay dem no dey hear. Deal with it o
DeleteThis one pass me o
ReplyDeleteMoral:Dont marry a poor or struggling man
He is not a poor man just a very stingy one.
DeleteIf you marry a RICH STINGY man nko? Wht diff does it make...
DeleteMarry a man that knows his responsibilty as a MAN...Period!
a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
ReplyDelete.
Talk to to him but if he fails to see reason cut down some expenses thats all....
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***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
+ts much better to marry a rich guy than marrying a broke ass. Let me tell u poster,broke ass guys claim to be sooo inlove,too humble and all that when you see them.Don't let these things confuse you.They are wolf in ships clothing.Am telling you that they can pretend.Some will claim brother in the lord,huusaii....lol. I always advise girls to look beyond that.Once you marry them,no love,no attention,no care,financially nko..Zero.Infact nothing to write home about.Then tell me,is it not better to marry that rich arrogant guy??At list you will see money to handle your needs and other things.... I think you may have shown him at first that you are capable to handle the bills and thats why he relaxed.Most women make that mistake.The hand you use on day one of your marriage determines the shape it will take.Try and talk to him more over it.And if you check, he maybe spending that money on one side chick.I don't know what to tell you but like what people say 'Pray and Pray' God will answer.
ReplyDeletePoster, I think you should stop being good. Go a full month without buying anything for anybody, not even food at home ( except food for the kids).don't pay for anything.
ReplyDeleteAsk him for money n if he doesn't give, be looking at him. No fuel for gen, no phcn, no dstv etc. Tell him you are broke. Simple.
Women need to stop being good to irresponsible men. Kilode.
Thank u o. Wasting goodness on a fool
DeleteGbam
Delete3 kids in 4years? Babe wat do u want us to tell u. If u can't deal please move out since u're rich and can take care of ur responsibilities. I hate poor men. I ain't doing bad on my own but I refuse to settle for less THANK God for blessing me with wat I desire for.
ReplyDeleteIn another news, i went to elegigi market this morning in Woji....4 medium sized tomatoes 200naira. I talked and talked the woman didnt even answer me. I left went to another place same thing until i angrily bought some.
ReplyDeleteThe one that pained me most is the banga soup spices(the native onea)...the girl was pinching it as if if she puts much the world will end.
Stella abeg how person go relocate come Germany cos the things happening in Naija tire me. I mean relocate wt DH....lol
944 comment 2016
U even saw medium sized and u r complaining. 4 small ones here is 5h
DeleteD grass always look greener from d other side.Now u are comparing ur husband with ur arrogant ex .U were even stalking his IG page..Do u know what his wife is going through? Do u know if his wife is d bread winner or chopping beating morning and night? Forget his PDA and show off on IG..Many of them arw beast..
ReplyDeleteI havent seen anything dat bad with ur husband other than d fact dat he doesnt provide as u expected him to..U earn more than him right? He is trying to livw within his meagre salary while u on d other side is living above ur standard(salary)...Bcos if u were actually living withing ur standard u wont be complaining.
U sound like an extravagant woman..buying expensive things in d name of buying quality things..Ur husband couldnt keep up with ur high standard daz why he kept his little money cos if he give u d amount he can afford u will start complaining..He now allowed u to do things ur way and ur own money..
If he had married someone below his standard he would've been spending his peanut on his family and d wife will still appreciate..
Madam pls dont have more kids so u can be able to train ur kids to ur standard cos i dont see ur husband changing except u divorce him..Grown ass men dont change! He wont change anything.
U have to deal with ur choice..Manage d one he gives u and add urs..There is no marriage rule that states dat a man must be d bread winner of d family and nowhere it is a taboo for a woman to be a bread winner...Marriage is compromise and understanding.
So much loving this.I like quality.the man can't afford it,so you either come to level of the man or live with it
DeleteOya chop kiss
DeleteThe bible says a man that can't provide for his family is an infidel. So it is a taboo my dear
DeleteDid u not read he spends on himself??? What high above her means?? So he can't give her from the small he earns??? I beg do not abuse the woman pls. U must be a stingy person ur self
DeleteMy dear,communication matters. Try talking to him,maybe he will come around.
ReplyDeletePretend as if you're not getting enough money again. Open another account secretly. Fake tears of not having money on u, but don't insult him while trying to correct some money from him, in fact pet him while trying to correct some money from him, a good woman knows how to correct something from her husband. That's it from me. My grandmother will say, you can only throw away my words but you can't throw me away. Build your home woman. And forget what you saw on Instergram, because you don't knw what plays behind closed doors. Finish
ReplyDelete* collect*collect... Jeez!
DeleteAs u have painted him this terrible, what should we say, u go far above his means, what do u want him to do? He would watch u do the spending, do u want him to go steal? When ur budgets re far far above what he earns. Madam u knew he wasn't bouyant and u were ready to assist, nne pls don't complain ur assisting, him being stingy I doubt ur truthful about that, cos u go for things he can't afford n u want him to pay, where does that happen. Stop complaining, the person ur envying might be having it rough, don't look at ppls pictures n judge, u dont live with them, be okay with what u guys have.
ReplyDeleteSimple
DeleteHe married you for ur Money. He married you becks he knows you will be his lifetime mugu.
ReplyDeleteStop covering for him.stop keeping both families in the dark, let them know what's going on.
Call him for a talk and tell him how things needs to change henceforth. He should stop seeing you as his meal ticket.
This is what happens we we start forming miss independent for men! Some girls will tel you I don't know how to ask any man for anything I laff! Rmbr to always start what you can finish! What you start when you where dating will continue after marriage! Even d bible says ask and you shall receive your even buying for his family Continue!!!
ReplyDeleteHi poster, sorry to break this to you but IT'S TOO LATE, you can't bend a dried fish!
ReplyDeleteAnd you brought this upon yourself, God crested women to be HELPMATES not FULL RUNNERS,
Once you start taking up a man's responsibilities, MOST men hands off completely, what you started doing to help your man, maybe because he's not earning much, now becomes your full responsibility even if he starts raking in 10 times your income, some men are selfish like that.
Most times, it's outta jealousy, like you once had more than him and now he never wants that happening ever again, so by the time you spend your income on every, you'd be broke and can't save.
Some questions;
Do you feed him?
Stop feeding him, let him feed, at least, himself!
Whose name is on the tenancy?
With the way you've described him, I'm guessing his, stop paying a dime of that rent, na him name get the gbese, not yours, make landlord dey drag am.
Are you still buying stuff for his people?
Stop already! What are you covering, shame? For a shameless man wey no send you or your family?
Do you still love him and want to stay?
Learn to ignore his rantings about "no money", be focused on you and your children, be selfish!
Ready to dump his stingy arse?
Read the above again and start saving like your life depends on it, cos it does.
Once he sees you've changed and not as "stupid" as before, he'll change too and start calling you names, he may even take it up a notch and start hitting you so be ready to move before it gets to that, save, save, save, thank God you have a job.
If he sees your change and gets worse, you're better off without him, one LESS mouth to feed and care for.
From this moment, start spending your money on you and your kids alone, if he no bring, make sure you don't even give him oil to lick how much more, food, his family no consin you, ignore them too, let's see how he'll take the things you refuse to buy to "shine" at his family house.
This case na moi moi if only you can ignore him and stay focused
Lastly, no more kids pls, 3don do, so if push comes to shove, you can take care of them on your own.
Good luck.
SHARONNA
Wch she and her kids, she shld spend on herself and start saving. If deir clothes are too small. Let him see d kids wearing dem like dt, she shld not shake body @ all. Na only she get d kids.
DeleteI love love love your comment.
DeleteDon't I just love you right now?
DeleteI will tell at I will do if in I'm ur situation (God forbid it happening to me) Take care of your kids very well.pay their fees,buy them good clothes cos they are yours too.As for food my dear I have siblings like dt.My elder bro and my younger sis can be stingy to their own selves.
ReplyDeleteI love eating good and nutritious food and so I will use d little money I have to cook while they are always ready to save theirs to buy something while I'm d one who doesn't have what to buy.My elder bro has two laptops while I'm looking for money to buy for use in sch.d day he said DT he is saving to buy another laptop was d day I gave myself brain.if I cook,I wash d pot after eating after all I also need to save too.bathing soap,cream,toiletries etc is under lock n key.so its me DT doesn't hv wt to use money for.
Stop buying things for him,you are the one encouraging him.DTS how my mum encouraged my dad n she is now tired after all highest he will say is dt people are advicing u.
In summary, look at yourself as a single mum who wants the best for her kids n bone his contribution after all u are working n can afford it.Ur kids will grow up to appreciate u.
Finally,release him from all d anger n hate in ur heart towards him for his attitude n ask God to change him.d heart of d king is in God's hands.
I just wrote an epistle
*hugs*
DeleteSiblings ehn? 😂😂 their wahala join.
Hmmm
ReplyDeleteNa wa ooo.
ReplyDeleteIt is always greener from the other side.
ReplyDeletemy bf doesnt call at all,he is always online on whatsapp 24hrs but will never chat me up.when i meet him online,im d one to start d chat.it makes me feel bad.i can stay a week without going online and he wont still chat me up to know whats up.it really making me bored.but when i'm with him,he acts all lovey dovey.why cant he do same when we re not together.are there actually people like this
ReplyDeleteIf he never calls and is always chatting other people up then I am afraid you dating youself.
DeleteBorrow brain... he's into other women.
DeleteSorry dear, u are dating yourself......
Deleted truth is dat guy dont love u.cos if he those he will always want to check on u n knw how u r doing.even if nt call but d chart.d reason he is acting lovey dovey wen u r around is bcos he knows he will FUCK!u r just is fuck mate pls give ursef brain.
DeleteNo .
DeleteSigns that u are dating yourself...
May the spirit of mumu leave your body today. Amen.
DeleteBabe, yur d side-chick ok?
DeleteIf he won't call, won't chat u up...he aint yur bf ok?
You are a side chick,get another guy.
DeleteDear young lady,
DeleteThat 'boy' is not in love with you..you are in a r/ship with yourself. He acts all lovey dovey when with you cause that's how he can have sex with you. You are his sex toy. Please let go, get busy and love yourself. God bless you
My dear you are very much single o...he is always online chatting with the one he is dating..he acts all lovey dovey when you are around just to lead you on,to make you think you guys are dating..pls find your square root.
DeleteYou are dating urself, he is lovey dovey when u r together cos he considers that foreplay. Pl tie ur legs together
DeleteHave you discussed it with him the way you wrote it here? Me I can't be in that kind of relationship sha. You need to double date jor.
DeleteBabe u are dating yourself. I hope you are not the type that when are guy asks u out u start telling them DT you have a bf.If do OYO is ur case because it will do u like film trick very soon.Or do u think there is no girl that he is spending his calling card on?
DeleteM-U-M-U!
DeleteCos while he is your boyfriend u are not his girlfriend!!
DeleteChai Pele.
ReplyDeleteOne thing men don't understand is this! If You want to prosper and for God to also bless the works of ur hand! You better make your wife happy, provide her with the little you can! So that her heart will be happy and bless you. Nothing will stop that man from prospering. U want to prosper and hurting ur wife in the process, na doh be ur name.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing you can do about it!
ReplyDeleteLick your wounds in silent.
You made the choice, so endure n btw,stop spending your money on him n his family.
Save n spend the rest on your children n urself
You get "respeckt".
DeleteMy dear thank God u are financially stable Just continue taking care of your family as u have been doing.A stingy man can hardly be changed.
ReplyDeleteFirst rule, never tell a man how much you make. Never let him know how much you make either
ReplyDeleteNever let a man know you can shoulder some responsibility. Never let him know from the beginning that you will help out with whatever he earns..
Never let a man know how independent you are.
Now what you can do is stop paying the bills. Stop paying everything you are catering too. Act like you haven't been paid or something so big is draining the money before it comes in. I'm hoping this will help by making him start taking rsponsibities.. Or sit him down and tell him your salary can't carry all its carrying again and thay you are cutting down on some of the things you have been helping with...
Things like school fees and feeding. That he should start doing thay one while you continue taking care of their clothing.. Insist on it. Don't bulge. When it's time to pay school fees don't pay. If he doesn't pay, let the kids sit at home until he pays. If he doesn't bring food money don't cook, if he complains tell him you told him you couldn't handle that anymore.
And make sure you stand your ground to this things. He will come around to doing them but I'm sure grudgingly..
hmmm...der re so many things to 'Never let a man know...lool
DeleteNice one Fab Mum!!!
As a women, your responsible for food . School fees and rent na him work. You can now add clothes just for the fact that you earn more than him. Please after food for the house and clothes for the kids don't do anything than save towards rainy day. Remember that change is constant and this job may not be there tomorrow. In fact if you have nothing to do with your money go and buy a house in one of these up-coming estates. You can buy gifts for his parents but please hand over the gifts yourself to them. God bless you.
DeleteGbam
DeleteGbamest gbam!!!
DeleteAnything that concerns him rent, clothes for him,gifts for his parents let it stop. And see if he won't do them. Yeye man
ReplyDeleteI don't know what the poster is complaining for.... You should be happy that you are in a better position to take care of your kids.. Africa mentality
ReplyDeleteMadam your husband isn't stingy because that is how he was probably raised, seeing his mum do everything.
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of sounding tribalistic, I am sorry to say this habit of leaving the bill for one's wife to pick up is common amongst the Yorubas. I have seen way too many examples.
I wonder what man allows his wife pickup the tab regardless of her earning "billions"?
Her mother came for omugwo. She is not Yoruba. And she bought so much for her mother because she deserves it.
DeleteI don't know why you are making excuses or justifying your expenses, as if you want validation from us.
You claimed miss independence and lady of high taste, which he has accepted. I won't be surprised if he is spending it some where else.
Edo people too o. Always waiting for their wives then they will go out and be boasting.
DeletePoster please stop whining. What do you expect when you marry a husband that earns less than you do. How do you expect a miracle from him. Better carry your cross and stop expecting him to lick your ass cos you are the bread winner. Just know that you are married to yourself while you pray that God blesses him.
ReplyDeleteA man who cant give or go the extra mile while broke won't lift a finger evenn if life opens the floodgate of blessings upon his life.
DeleteWow!
DeleteI have an inlaw like ur husband who is also so stingy like ur husband. That my inlaw don't know if my mother is existing to atleast once in a while to send her something so I really understand what u re saying. Even push almost all of the house responsiblity for my sis but when u talk nd try talk to my sis to see resons that the husband is cheating her on the expense, u will hear what u don't want to hear so just look for a way to lie that u were robbered so he can release his own money to start taking care of the family. I hate stingy men
ReplyDeleteThere is no marriage here; the two are not one. I saw two individuals who are living their respective lives. Not only your "husband" is stingy, you too are stingy; you have "my money" and sees it as yours. All you see in the "arrogant guy" are the things he wants you to see in his pictures; is that what you call "enjoying life". Stop looking at other marriages and work out yours. Stop complaining and expecting things from this man. Teach him generosity by giving; yes, begin to plan this family as if you are the only one and you'd see him ashamed of himself in the long run.
ReplyDeleteIf you know Jesus, then begin to pray; there is nothing God cannot do. If you don't know him; why not call on him?
Hmmm... this is a tough one. Well, first,stop spending your money on him or his family. You've got a new family now to take care of. You can't really force him to take care of you or the kids so,you'll just have to spend your money wisely and take good care of them. Thank God you've got a good job. my dear some men are so useless,you'd be surprised to know the number of married women with able bodied,working husbands, that still have to provide for the home. It's not uncommon at all. Your story has got me thinking... will outing him to his parents help? perhaps he needs a good talking to from someone other than you. Hell,i don't know.. goodluck.
ReplyDeleteI posted a comment yesterday concerning all these things. My dear I don't knw what to say. U hv already started it, d man feels u r richest than him so u can shoulder all the responsibility. U like quality 1 tin 1 tin u better stop all that . Tell him u r broke too. Dt u can no longer keep up d responsibilities,dt u used d money to do a big project, u can think of 1 dt won't cause a problem in ur marriage. Stop doing everything,bcos he knws u wld do it dt is why he doesn't raised a finger to assist u. Don't b suprised he wld hv a gf he spends on. Earlier on u made him feel u r better than him and dt is d character he has started following. Maybe he gave u 1 small money and u looked down on it. U Better stop shouldering any responsibility concerning ur kids, if na Aba he fit afford u better but Aba. Follow his pocket and stop taking up all these responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteposter your husband is so stingy,cunny and selfish,stop buying anything in the house be wise like a sepent ,open your eye biko,ogini bu ihe nka ?chai ebere m na emere gi seriouly,some men self u are married but single.make sure u are not putting any food on the again.starve him both finiacially and otherwise. stop answering mrs while you are so single marrying yourself.
ReplyDeletethis just tiwa case
hisssssssssssssssss
cheta said so.
All I can say is "Cunny man die cunny man bury am"
ReplyDeleteYour husband relaxed when he saw what you are capable of doing, who likes to suffer. My dear stop buying gifts for his parents Jor, even if you do give it to them yourself.
ReplyDeletedats how dat idiot wants me to manage with him..u no plan ur life since na me u one take plan ur life..ewu..
ReplyDeleteOne thing some women don't know is that stingy husbands get one babe for outside wey dey refer to am as pay master.
ReplyDeletePoster,you have to become as selfish as he is from henveforth.
ReplyDeleteYour children are your priority so you should take care of their every need. If your husband doesn't bring money to run the home front,then let it be that way. Make sure you stop acting like the breadwinner.
A man's role is to provide for the home. Since he doesn't want to take up his financial responsibilities,then don't help out.
Look after your children and yourself. Maybe he will learn the hard way. All the best.
Madam.U see ur life? U are now regretting marrying ur horseband.
ReplyDeleteU saw a successful man but u don't want to be humble.U don't want to be under ur horseband.
U prefer to be d head of d house.
U hv gotten ur wish naw. U are d man of d house now. Why are u complaining again?
My cousin is married to a stingy man too but she has learnt to stop spending for him when he announced he was taking a second wife.He left his kids school fees unpaid & went for introduction,On a good day,we will all contribute and pay the fees but this time around,I advised to let the kids stay at home since their father is senseless.They stayed home for two weeks before he paid.Stop treating him like your child,you have to be mean when it comes to buying things in the house.Quality baby clothes dey bend down select.cut down on your expenses and spend wisely
ReplyDeleteYou let this happen tbh. It's too late to do anything about it cos it may not go well. And what makes you think all is well in the other one's marriage?
ReplyDeleteNever start what you can't finish
Meanwhile cut back on spending on him and his family, do not pay the children's school fees. Something has gotta give, but prepare cos he'll fight back. He saw you as his meal ticket and too bad you didn't see that in the beginning.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteIt is well oh! Madam don't envy other people's marriage no matter what you are going through. Things are not always the way you see them. Those who advertise their partner on social media are most of the time the saddest people. They just use it to keep themselves going so people won't laugh at them.
You have to cut down how you spend now. Tell him you've had enough and if he won't contribute henceforth, you guys will live with what is left and stand by your word. It might be difficult at first but you have to do it. The kids belongs to both of you so he should sit his ass up now.
Please also take it to God in prayer. I really don't like men that behave this way. Na crime for women to support una?
The best way to live with a stingy man is to give him a dose of his medicine. Take care of itself and kids too and totally ignore him. He shouldn't eat food he is not paying for, never spend a dime on his people. That is my case oh,I treat him exactly the way he treats me, and I rub it in. This morning for instance he bought bread and when I ask my son to bring three slices he chased him away. My dear he loves pap and akara,which i really do not like. I got up went out,but pap and akara. When I got home I made the pap and enjoyed with my kids ,he was parading upvand down hoping I will call him. We ate the much we can eat and I washed out the remaining pap. Do me I do u God no vex
ReplyDeleteIt's only a useless man that won't cater for his family. no matter how buoyant your wife is, your family should be your number1 priority. Madam if you cant leave, focus only on yourself and kids. Stop feeding him with ur money, stop buying things for his parent. Haba!!
ReplyDeleteYou ma are a special kid of stupid.. He's your 4th child not your husband...keep feeding him u hear.
ReplyDeleteYou ma are a special kind of stupid. He's your 4th child not your husband. Keep feeding him you hear ?
ReplyDeletePoster u should have written here b4 marrying him and we would have advised u to go for the other guy. U said his humility attracted u. Poster it was not humility but stinginess. That being said u don enter so let's see what can be done. First of all stop buying things for his family. Wether u buy or not they will abuse u so stop and use it to better urself. From a veteran of marriage all that eye service is of no use after a while. They will still abuse u. Then kindly stop buying things for him. As for school fees just do not pay one term and say u dont have money. Let the kids stay home. He will bring it out. As he is not spending for u my dear he is spending elsewhere. Be it babe, family or church. Nne ndo o. U don already enter so just manage urself. Gd luck.
ReplyDelete