Stella Dimoko Saturday In House Gists - Be A Stand Up Comedian


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Saturday, February 04, 2017

Saturday In House Gists - Be A Stand Up Comedian

Now read this instructions carefully.......Who is your Favourite stand up Comedian?

Tell us why the person is your Favourite stand up Comedian and share ONE of their Joke which you think is the Funniest.
ONE JOKE::.....The stand up comedian you think is funniest can be any of the popular ones or someone near you,can be your sister,brother,father or friend.

If you do not want to take part in this you can entertain us with Freestyle Jokes.

The Winner gets 20k.


  1. Original 
    On Christmas eve I decided to buy chicken to celebrate with my family, got to the market bought the chicken, and I was asked if I will like to kill it, and I asked for how much, the guy said #200 ,hmm just to kill and remove the feathers? I said lai, I can't waste my money, I took my chicken home, boil water, ‎in my mind I was busy abusing the guy that want to kill it for #200, I went outside carried my chicken, killed it and I put it in a bowl, went inside to bring my hot water, lo and behold by the time I got outside, chicken say make I carry am, I can't find my chicken inside the bowl! , my mind was racing, immediately my mind goes to my neighbor that was outside when I was killing it, I said this woman is in it today, as I made a dash to her house, I saw a dog running towards our gate with something hanging on its mouth, hmm lo and behold, it's my beloved chicken, I screamed, help!, my neighbor came out to pursue the dog but it ran into this street, Kai I was inconsolable  that day, chai I should have killed this chicken in the market with #200, but I decided to act like ijebu woman .that was how my Christmas chicken take Waka o

    1. Eya so how did you celebrate your Christmas

    2. Ikwakwakwakwakwa...lolz

    3. Hahaha sorry ooo

    4. Lol, thank God you didn't accuse your neighbor wrongfully

    5. Stingy goat

    6. Dry chicken story

    7. Dry chicken story

  2. I over heard two ladies discussing. Here is there discussion (let me call them Ono and Oho)
    Ono: my friend Doris is very lucky.
    Oho: what happened? I thought she is in the hospital?
    Ono: yes, but if you see the guy that hit her with his car, the guy is so cute, tall, light skin and rich. If you see the way he was calling her baby and asking her are you OK. He carried her up and put in his car. Hmmmmmm, my dear I wish I was the one he hit.
    Oho: eeh!!! She is very lucky ooo. Relationship don start be that ooo.
    Ono: yes nau. I don't know why I don't have that kind of luck so that I will be the one he hit.

    I was like are these ladies for real or is their brains under going recession?


    1. Hahahaha this one serious oh. It's only in abroad I know people deliberately want to get hit because of compensation.

    2. The hustle is real na😎😎

  3. Chai 20k in this recession, and my battery is low,can type much. Hope I can still participate, let me go and charge my phone. Brb

  4. Woooow woow this would be easy
    but whatever you do, the rules for winning are as follows

    *Anonymous gist and black colour id gist is invalid for wins
    please use your blog id

    *Each person is only entitled to one gist, multiple entry get you
    disqualified for any win

    *You must state the source of a gist ie either #copied or #original for the free style gist

    *The reactions on your gist also boost your chances of winning ie the number of lol/lmao/hahahaha etc

    *Anonymous /PLASTIC( ie those id that is black in colour) votes don't count ... only votes with blog id (blue colour ) is valid

    I hope the above will do

    1. You didn't even read Stella's post before running to come post ur conditions

    2. Sweet heart check again I read before posting.

  5. Ama get my popcorn and bobo drink once again.

  6. I'm depressed, MMM please come back and pay me my 980k before i loose it, infact i don't want the interest again. i know i can't commit suicide because i don't want to experience hell in the hereafter after going through hell on earth, but i hope i don't run mental from too much thinking. i was brainwashed in to this and because d money is for d new shop i want to rent and i also needed to remove a life threatening fibroid and i dont have money so i had to PH d money so i can use the dividend to pay 250k for fibroid removal.

    God i know i was greedy and I've learnt my lesson but pls let me get back my money.

    1. My dear,pls stop thinking,yes u hv learnt ur lesson in a hard way.ask God to help u out,am sure with time u will be ok

  7. #You can't make footprints on the sands of time by sitting on your butt... and who wants to make buttprints?*

  8. My favourite stand up comedian is Bovi. The funniest joke to me was a scene in his comedy series(extended family) He(Bovi) and Imaobong the cook attended a party which was against the house rule.They carefully arranged their pillow and duvet to make it look like they were sleeping peacefully On the bed. They came back in the early hours of the morning feeling cool with themselves. As they made to lie on the bed, their boss(The general) emerged from under the duvet with an evil grin on his face holding his famous belt. The look on their faces was priceless.

    1. Lol....i can imagine d look on their faces

  9. My favourite stand up comedian is Bovi. The funniest joke to me was a scene in his comedy series(extended family) He(Bovi) and Imaobong the cook attended a party which was against the house rule.They carefully arranged their pillow and duvet to make it look like they were sleeping peacefully On the bed. They came back in the early hours of the morning feeling cool with themselves. As they made to lie on the bed, their boss(The general) emerged from under the duvet with an evil grin on his face holding his famous belt. The look on their faces was priceless.

  10. My dad and my mum are my stand up comedians. They can make us laugh wella. I don forget all their jokes because every day new joke.
    But I haven't forgotten this particular one by my mum, we were all listening to news on tv one night CNN oo they showed one black American guy my dad just shouted Chineke!! We all turned to look at him and my mom suddenly said "nna is he your kinsman" twas funny sha una no go understand because una no dey there. Lol
    Also one day my sisters and I were discussing about one of my friend that is into movies and wanted us to come give it a trial, we were just fantasizing and discussing various roles we will play suddenly my dad said abeg if they need someone to act as dibia, houseboy, drunk, elder we should contact him. Kai we laughed so hard. Imagine the character he want.
    Hehehehe hope i no bore una

    1. awwwwwwn...bless your parents, i love their sense of humour.

    2. Boredom is an understatement, u over bored me

    3. I liked the last joke. Funny parents.

  11. I'll read comments later. Congrats in advance to the person that will win the 20k.

    God Bless Everyone.

  12. My best stand up comedian is Bonsua (not quite popular) he was my MC at my birthday last year. The party was about to start and I don't see him. Called his phone and it was switched off. I was so worried. The guest were seated. Finally, a young man approached me and volunteered to do the MC job for me without pay. He said he was good. So I agreed since I couldn't get Bonsua whom I have paid already. I just said within me that BOnsua must refund me. So as the guy went on stage, he greeted people and immediately he said 'let's make welcome, the finest comedian of our time, though he is late but please pardon him, let's welcome BONSUA .... People were shouting and screaming. It was at that time that I realised that the young man was working with BOnsua and that planned the whole lateness thing for him to take off.
    So BOnsua came on stage and began like this. " my people, I am so sorry that I came late to this event I started to prepare for since 8am (mind you, the party was scheduled to start by 6pm). So I left my house for this event by 4pm. My car developed a problem as I was about leaving so I boarded a bus. As we were moving on the road, one man inside the bus brought out his drum and started to play and sing. He continued singing and playing. We enjoyed his songs and play. At a time, he then open the bus glass window to take some fresh air. He brought his head outside and unknown to him a van carrying roofing zinc sheets drove by and cut of his head. The man continued to play and SING. We were still moving on the road and u was almost getting to this venue in a journey of 1hour drive when the man became sweaty and brought out his handkerchief to wipe his face, then he realised that his head was not there. He SCREAMED and we went drove back to the place where the van driver with zinc sheets cut off his head. That's like 50 minutes drive. We got there, picked the head and placed it back. Then we continued our journey. My people that's the reason why I was late to this event" wow wow wow Hahahahaha at this point people were laughing out their live . Lo . I was thrilled. BOnsua really entertained us that night. So I give it to him

    From 080349**027

    1. i was scared when i got to the zinc and head outside, seriously mayb coz i wasn't at d event but d story is scarier than funny to me.

    2. Hahahhahha...funny

  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

  14. My favourite comedian still and will always be Bovi
    I think his funniest joke is this
    Gf:honey ,one man touched my bum as i was coming
    Bovi:you mean am?him no know say you be my gf? Okay where im dey?
    Gf:he is just down the road
    Bovi:ok make we go, i go teach am something, im no get respect
    They go out and bovi sees the guy, one very hefty muscled guy like this
    Bovi :(to gf) is this the guy?
    Gf:yes thats him
    Bovi walks upto the guy and starts greeting him and the guy is like 'na me you dey find?' Bovi: i say make i come greet you
    Big guy:so you no dey fear, eh starts to move forward ,Bovis gf starts running leaving bovi behind, when she gets to the gate she locks it and turns to go in, only to see Bovi already inside panting,
    Gf:ahah baby how did you get here?
    Bovi: you no see me that time i pass you for road?..
    Old but cracks me up everytime..

    1. Hahahaha....i totally remember this one.. Very funny

    2. Hhahha.. I still have it on my fone lemme go n look for it

  15. *bovi is my favourite because his jokes are always funny and original#

  16. Basketmouth is my favorite stand up comedian, his jokes are just 2 hilarious..

    In this life we are living there are TWO things involve, it's either u are a Man or a Woman, if u are a Woman u are safe but if u are a man there are Two things involved, it's either u are a civilian or in the military, if u are a civilian u are safe but if u are in the military, there are Two things involved, it's either u are in the office or u are at the war front, if u are in the office u are safe but if u are at the war front there are TWO things involved, it's either u kill somebody or somebody kill u, if u kill somebody u are safe but if somebody kill u there are two things involved, it's either u are been buried or u are been used for manure, if u are buried u are safe but if u are been used for manure there are TWO things involved, it's either ur body is been used to grow flowers or u are been used to grow trees, if u are been used to grow flowers u are safe but if u are been used to grow trees there are TWO things involved, its either u are been used in making timber or u are been used in making tissue paper. if are used in making timbers u are safe but if u are been used in making tissue paper there are TWO things involved, it's either u are been used by a man or by a woman, if u are been used by a man u are safe but if u are been used by a woman there are TWO things involved, it's either u contact GONORRHEA or HIV, if u contact gonorrhea u are safe but if u contact HIV there is only ONE thing involved.

    1. yea dis joke is always fresh and funny anytime. Basket mouth is no longer funny to me tho, he tries too hard now and dry at d end.

  17. Even beloved rules for winning is funny. Goodluck everyone

  18. I like basket mouth especially for his joke "mistake". About a how a lady can cheat on her man by mistake...probably by slipping on a banana peel and mistakenly falling on the guy's ready manhood.... I dont really remember the full length of that joke but it really cracked me up

  19. Please im using this cause my phone is bad, using someones phone so i cant use my id
    My favourite comedian is one guy i ff on fbook, he always makes interesting jokes..
    A Yoruba Man was sitting with an Ibo man and a Hausa man in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them. They were initially given a death sentence but, as it was a national holiday, the sheikh decided they should be released after each receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh said, "It's my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping, but you cannot wish not to be whipped!"

    The Hausa man thought for a second then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping." This was done but the pillow lasted 10 lashes.

    The Ibo man saw this and said: "Please tie two pillows to my back before whipping." This was done and lasted for the whole 20 lashes.

    The Yoruba Man saw this, but before he could make his wish, the sheikh said: "As you share the same ethnicity with the president of your country, you are permitted to have two wishes!"

    The Yoruba Man thought for a second, then said: "Thank you, most royal and merciful highness. My first wish is to receive 100 lashes with the strongest, toughest whip available." "If you so desire," the sheikh replied with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?" "Tie the Ibo man to my back."

    1. upon say u borrow phone your story is stale and not original.

      i wish u luck homa

  20. My sister is my joker. We dey compound dey take breeze oo she knocked we opened the door for her she said lock lock the gate abeg and next thing she bursted out laughing like someone that inhaled laughing gas, na so we confuse come ask her wetin happen? And she said as she was just coming back she saw two of our neighbors discussing she is in good terms with one and not with the other so she greeted and just passed and the one wey she no dey in good terms with come crack one joke wey dey very funny she been wan laugh but she come hold the laugh until she come inside kwakwakwakwakwa.
    They don settle since ooo

  21. My favorite stand up comedian is Elenu.
    Reason being that he Naturally looks funny. His facial expression is priceless even in jenifa's diary,he nailed his scene.
    One his jokes he performed live was that he was going home after eating a meal in a restaurant. It turned out the meal was upsetting him or so. He was just passing gas anyhow and the smell was nothing to write about. Words couldn't describe the smell. On his way home, he was stopped by the a police man. The police man opened the door of the Car, entered inside and shut it demanding for a bribe, mehn he that is Elenu couldn't hold the gas for a long time so he just released it. Omor see how the police man face change from a person who just won a lottery to a person who lost what he won. Mehn the police man carry race comot the car.
    The next day, Elenu passed that area and he was stopped again. Elenu said officer immediately the man saw him, he said you again, Elenu said yes sir. The man replied "My friend dey go dey go, oya dey go quick quick".. Mehn that joke was funny, one should have seen him when narrating it


  22. Then they dragged Tuface to Jesus, with stones in their hands, Saying;

    Hypocrites- Master, Master, this one has babies from different women. In fact 7 children from 3 women, he has no moral standards to lead a peaceful protest asking the FG to sit up and do her job. What shall we do to him? He is no example of abstinence.

    Jesus bent down, writing on the sands all the women they have slept with legally and illegally, he said to them.

    Jesus - He who has never ejaculated inside a condom should cast the first stone. Know ye not that, those sperms inside a condom are potential children you flushed down daily in the toilet ?

    The PharaAPCistsies on hearing the words of Jesus, knew that some of them have not only flushed down potential children in the toilet but have paid for multiple women to abort their babies for them.

    The PharaAPCistsies dropped their stones and left Jesus and Tuface.

    Jesus turned to Tuface and said

    Jesus - Tuface, has any one condemned you?

    Tuface shaking and with his hands raised answered Jesus.

    Tuface - Baba Jesus, na you be the correct baba, with you nothing dey happen.

    Jesus said to him.

    Jesus - Tuface, go thy sins are forgiven. No body holy pass. Lead the protest my son, tell Pharaoh to make life comfortable for my children or resign (let my people go).

    The end !!!!


    1. you just decided to deliberately west my time this afternoon...chai!

  23. I remember when I was going home one day, it was a day to sallah nd everywhere was crowded there was no bus nd transport fare tripled that time so it was really rowdy,all these trailers that are empty decided to carry some people for free while I was inside one small cab where we were being sqezzed nd even adults were lapping each other.just before we get to toll gate along abk expressway one of the trailers brushed our vehicle nd our driver that has been singing praise nd worship who I even thought was a pastor first gave the driver 3 curses (aye de to baje Leni) he came down and trailer driver was just saying sorry while one of the beneficiary of the free ride decided to carry the matter on his head nd started insulting our driver, he came down nd started forming Bruce Lee ooo gave our driver one blow on the head nd we heard his knuckle break lol, our driver retaliated nd gave one blow nd we saw two big teeth on the floor...The man asked ejor shey Eyin mi niyen nile (pls is that me teeth on the floor) one man replied yes nd he just started shouting haaaa Eyin mi, Eyin mi ,WA le pada oo(my teeth u will gum it back) he started crying nd begging people to help him gum it(ejo e ba mi le pada) lmao ....I just kept wondering how he will explain to his wife and kids how he lost two front teeth coz he is an elderly man

  24. Finally I smoked weed for the first time
    and nothing happened to me!! Merry Xmas
    to u and as we enter this 2014 we all shall also
    see 2011 ..
    Happy new year in arrears..


    My people eh, Yesterday eh. ..I was very hungry so i walked into a fastfood to have lunch. A male and female were sitting next to me. I was so shocked when the female started to pull her blouse up and lift the bra and...

    the male grabbed her boobs with two hands and started sucking her nipple like there was nobody watching themπŸ˜‰... the female was around 30yrs and ..

    the male is just 2 months oldπŸ˜’πŸ˜’(Mother was actually breast feeding her son)...

    Thanks for reading (may God forgive ur dirty mind)...😧

    I'm in my house if you like come and beat me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  26. I don't have a favorite comedian but i can remember vivdly a joke my dad told me years ago
    My dad grew up with his uncle and his wife who were so wicked to him and his siblings
    They will do all the house chores, cook and do every every yet they will still maltreat them. They usually do not give them meat to eat and they gave them food after every one had eaten in the house.
    My dad and his siblings had been long throating for meat but who born dem well ask for meat?
    On this faithful day, his uncle was eating and they were watching him. The man when eating his meat will bite small and chew to devour the sweet taste close his eyes and stretch out his hand while shaking his head enjoying his meat
    For the love of meat my dad and his siblings planned that whenever the man would stretch out his hands eating his meat and closing his eyes they will snatch the meat from him and quickly eat it and say they assumed he was giving them the meat
    This they targeted to the day the man was eating snail, as he bit just a little and closed his eyes, they snatched the snail and ate it and the man was like *what the hell just happened?* they started shouting saying uncle you gave us na, you were pointing it to us
    Choiiii i can't explain the beating they received that day but they ate not just meat but snail
    Anytime we're all eating on the dining, somebody will just close eyes and stretch meat and that's the end of the meat but we will all have a good laugh
    I hope i did north west ya time *kisses all*

    1. πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…...could you imagine i started laughing before the end of the joke? from the part you said he closed his eyes and stretched out his hand while chewing the meat hahahahahaha...wicked uncle. you did north west my time at all!
      i vote u

    2. No you didn't. Very funny πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    3. I like ur dad and his siblings

    4. Poster hide your father o, ibukun is broke & randy, horrible,combination!

    5. Now this is funny.

    6. This is the best of all.

  27. My best comedian is Lai Mohammed. (Lol) I consider him one. His funniest joke/post lately.
    " The Presidential jets are still under-going
    routine maintenance. President Buhari may
    likely not make it back to the country tomorrow" - Lai Mohammed
    " If what I heard is true about the condition of the Presidential jets. I shall send a private jet to convey Mr. President tomorrow. No sacrifice is too big to have our President back to the country " - Atiku Abubakar
    Lol. Hw una see am.

  28. Wife: Darling, give me your phone
    Husband: ok dear. Let me switch it on for you. Delete videos. Delete music. Delete messages. Delete private folder. Delete incoming calls. Delete outgoing calls. Delete messages. Format memory card. Uninstall Whatsapp. Unistall badoo. Delete pictures. Delete....Delete..... Delete.....Delete....
    Husband: here u go honey. I have nothing to hide from you.
    Wife: Thanks dear. I just wanted to check the time.
    Husband: Oh my God

  29. Ok i need the cash....original
    My brother can worry for Africa
    You can't be idle near him, even with your friends around
    Am the last. Was with my friends when my brother called so i ran to hide, he was about going out.... So my sis came out from the toilet nd said i should enter
    Nd hide, she locked the door.....
    Because i was in a haste the smell no hit fast.. Till like 2secs.....
    She had left a smelly massive missile without flushing ...
    Naso i begin d knock for door like mad woman.........
    She opened it nd lo nd behold was with my bro laughing........
    He still sent me on the errand
    Later eh i laugh tire.......
    Mbok voteπŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

  30. My favourite comedian is bovi anyday,anytime,anywhere

    One of his jokes I like was when he said that it was in the biblical era God could send his angels to people to deliver messages and stop war and it will be effective and they will return to heaven safely

    If Na now when things hard he nor fit happen at all,as God send angel Gabriel to come settle fight or pass message naijans go just dey look am as he talk finish Dem go dive am kidnap am dey demand Ransome from God lolzzz,if God nor answer or pay Dem go pluck all angel Gabriel feathers(wing)dey sell am give people lol

    Angel Gabriel go come dey stranded for here begin hustle and sell gala to survive...still boys go dey monitor am steady for go slow with hot water inside cooler or kettle they say guy d feather don dey grow small small make we rush am now ooo lol

  31. #original.
    When WAEC result came out, One of my neighbour's sons who had 3 E8s and 5 F9s came to me to advise him on the school that will accept his kind of result. He was mentioning schools like OAU, UI, Unilag and that he would like me to assist him in making the decision, After listening to his epistle, I said to him, Dimeji listen to me very carefully, the only school that can admit you with this kind of result is Sunday school....cos it is only God that can accommodate every kind of failure.

    Mc Idemudia.

  32. My favorite comedian is bovi. And the comedy goes this way.
    Once upon a time in our home, I stole meat from the stew and was banned from eating meat for a whole year as punishment.when its time for holiday, I went to visit my rich uncle who deals in dollars. On getting there, I found out that if you stole a seed of groundnut, you will be given Hundred seeds to eat as punishment. Omo I come dey happy, on christmas day, my uncles wife was frying meat and I sneaked into the kitchen, took one and was eating it pass my uncle but unfortunately he did no notice me, so I passed him again and he noticed and asked what I was eating, I told him I stole meat and he said to the wife "give him Hundred pieces of meat as punishment,u gonna hate meat so bad you will not steal meat again. I come dey do like say I dey cry but For my mind I come dey happy. But the wife gave me only seventy pieces and said"look hide it so your uncle will not know I gave you only seventy pieces. Hmm, I said no oo ma ooo, complete my punishment.
    But I made my uncle Stop that punishment because I went and stole one dollar from the money, when he was counting it he was pretending as if Nothing happened, I went ahead and asked him if he is looking for something and he said he is looking for one dollar, I told him am sorry, that I stole the dollar thinking he will give me Hundred dollars as punishment since its the norm in the house. He shouted, you stole dollar, look give him....... And stopped. And said look, don't do it again. I shouted nooooo, punish me, punish me. Henhen. From bovi. I hope I win. COPIED

    1. Lol... This always crack mwy

  33. My favorite comedian is bovi. The comedy goes this way. I stole meat in our house and was banned from eating meat for a whole year. When it's time for holiday, I visited my rich uncle who deals in dollars, on getting there, I discovered that if you stole a seed of groundnut, you will be given a Hundred groundnut to eat as punishment. Hmm, I come happy.
    On christmas day, I sneaked into the kitchen and stole a piece of meat, I walked passed my so he will notice and punish me, unfortunately he did not the first time so I reapeated the act, when he noticed he shouted, so you stole meat, look, give him a Hundred pieces of meat to eat, you gonna eat meat sotey you will hate meat" I begin dey do like say I dey cry but my aunty gave me only seventy pieces. Hmm, I said nooooo, complete my punishment.
    But na me make my uncle Stop that punishment. He wanted to travel and I went and stole one dollar from his money. When he was counting it he was confused but did not want anyone to know was looking for one dollar. I later ran out of patience because I expected to be punished with one Hundred dollars as was the norm. So I went ahead and asked if he is looking for something. He told me he is looking for one dollar and I confessed I stole it, expecting to be punished only to be told not to do it again and I shouted "nooooo, punish me, punish me'". That made my uncle Stop his punishment style.
    I hope I win. From bovi


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