Stella Dimoko Iya Ibeji Series -The Pressure To Have More Children


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Saturday, December 16, 2017

Iya Ibeji Series -The Pressure To Have More Children


I grew up and in a large family. If you see where we dey turn garri you go think say we dey do party. And because I was the only female child I got to do all the kitchen work and I hated it. And I always use to say I won't have so many kids.

There was a point in my life I wanted 4 kids, then 3. But before I got married I knew what I wanted. When I met Oga I told him I wanted to have 2 kids and adopt 1. We talked intensively about adoption and he bought the idea.
So I had twins and the first two years was bliss. People will be like Pele o, e no easy to look after twins, you are strong o. But when he got to three years ol boy see pressure from every quarter.

My mum knowing I have always wanted 2 or 3 will call and be begging for just one more. Mother in law asked what the matter was and I said we were waiting for God to do it, my sister in law came from no where and said na lie o. Iya beji say she no want again. I was like since when did you become Gods PA.

My friends nko, those ones sat me down and told me that I'm not oyinbo and that my husband might seem ok with it now what about later.
The one wey pain me pass is my boss, my boss na american brought up and you will think with all that exposure she will understand for where she sef join.
My doctor sef called me and was asking if it the trauma of having
C. S that is making me scared.

Street people and well wishers na so them go dey offer prayers ibejis go get siblings o. You know yoruba people sabi pray. The way they curve out prayers is amazing.
In church nko? When they call for people who want the fruit of the womb you go see friends dey give me side eyes. One even ask if I'm trying to copy my G.O who has only 2 children.

We had gone through some hard financial times, we were thrown out of our apartment we had to get a smaller place, like I said last week our car has broken down and a lot of other stuff. Some of these people are aware of these challenges and you will still see them say no be because of these challenges mean say you no go born. NA God dey provide money to take care of children. 

Are you serious? Because I don't talk about my problems or because I don't beg. 

Then sometimes I would be like what about people like Peter Okoye, SDK, Chioma Chwukuka?

The pressure I feel now is more than when I was TTC. At least then they were sympathetic. 

My question today is why do we put pressure on poor/ low income earners to have more kids and its ok for rich people to have less?


  1. Reminds me of Sir Ebenezer Obey Song, ko si Ogbon tele le da, Kosi I wa ti ele wu, Tele fi Taye lorun oh.
    In fact Iya Ibeji let me add to the Pressure. Father Lord bless Iya Ibeji with another set of twins, for you said go ye into the world and multiply, father Lord Iya Ibeji wants to Multiply, please bless her so she can Quadruple-ply... Lol.
    I think I understand what you are going through, my Eldest sister was also under this pressure.

    1. Exactly my brother
      That was how my mum after having 3kids was under pressure to have the fourth by my grandma,btw the third is a boy oooo .

      She succumbed,got preggy after 8years rest and almost died.
      Was in Ss1 when she had our last born.

    2. Lol Rowland I been dey wonder where you dey all these days.
      You wan join my husband wey dey always dream say I born another twins

    3. Lol, this is so me. Everyone is on my case. My parents are so livid I can literally see the smoke coming out of their ears. My dr always chases me away when I come for birth control. Random acquaintances would be praying for me lol. I'm just not ready Biko, it's not easy.

  2. It's a Nigerian issue. I dunno y we are like that. As for me o, two and I'm stopping. If e pain u pass. Come born am for me. What's the point of having many, when they'll all leave at the end of the day. I don't understand the logic behind the thought. I was still thinking about this yesterday. My sister in law has 3 kids already and my mum in law is still pressuring her to have one more. This is some who is a doctor and her husband a consultant. They have their plates full already. If not for the African factor. I think one sef is OK. Baby dust to every one TTC.

    1. It kind of seem that 3 is the standard these days

  3. Especially if u don't have a boy. Ah pressure x million

  4. My dear,don't mind people. Be content with the two you have until YOU decide you're economically ready for another child...

  5. Hahaha don't mind Nigerians oh. They'll put you under pressure to get married and have many kids even when you don't have the means of taking care of them. They'll tell you that God that brings children will bring what you'll use to take care of them. If you listen to them, you'll continue to struggle until you die. You'll bring innocent children to this world to suffer and they'll resent you when you can't provide basic things for them. Best thing is to have d no. of kids you know you can take care of . Give them the best things life has to offer. Comfort, good education etc.....

  6. Mama Ibeji, please sit down with your husband and plan what is best for both of you. I'm happy you are counting your teeth very well. Most people giving advice just talk without thinking through what they say.

    Nobody owes you anything oh, so plan yourselves and ignore all those talk talk. I wish to have twins like you, then I will think carefully if to add one more.

  7. No one should allow anyone pressure them into having more kids when they know that they aren't financially buoyant.
    Remember that you will suffer alone and they will still be the ones to laugh at you if you don't have the funds to take care of the child.


  8. Nigerian parents & pressure are like 5&6.
    Later one pikin will be feeling bored and depressed bcz of d pressure. Birth as much as u can provide quality life please for them.
    Living a life of purpose outweighs the number you take among your siblings.
    In this present age na who birthing of one batalion of children help?

  9. I know somebody that has 9 and 5 are schooling abroad high sch and university, three are leaving next yr.

    I know someone that has two but cant put them in sch or even feed them.
    So, many rich have many children

  10. My marriage just reached its first year and on the day of my wedding anniversary all I kept hearing was it's time for the babies to start coming ...truth is I'm not even trying yet..I'm not ready! All of their baby pressure and questions will only ruin things rather than fix it. I feel like I shouldn't have gotten married when I did self Since people dont believe in taking your time here

    1. This is my story exactly, neighbours, church members, friends are just disturbing me about kids and I still need a year before I can start trying.

  11. I'm presently facing such pressures frm different angles...what I do is listen to them but pay deaf ears

  12. Stupid people they will never mind their business, sheybi nah load wan you fit carry you go carry..

  13. hahaha iya ibeji plenty children dey sweet o if u get money.I was asking my elder bro some days back y he and his wife don't want to add another kid..they have 2 already and d last is 6yrs.He said he doesn't want his kids to attend LEA schools like him so I want to have jst 2 he can take very good care of.
    me o I like kids o thou I have 4 but my hubby said enough and I'm afraid of birthing boy I would've risked it.

  14. Children are blessings but Kai taking care of them isn't easy rara.see this ones I have here they can eat like yokozuna.when they finish eating breakfast after saying mummy thank u ma the next thing is what are we eating for lunch.And they are still small o.sch fees nko dat one Na tory for another day

  15. Lol my husband said he needs 6 children. Lol menh i'm still @ number 1.well he is on his on. Labour pains is out of this world just wondering how women do this. My mum gave birth to 6 children and i'm like how did she do that. D cut they gave to me on my vagina is out of this world

  16. Thats how my mum advised my uncles wife to continue giving birth until they have 5, this my uncle is a useless fowl and the poor woman is the one catering for the 5 kids.

  17. Sometimes you can have a boy and family pressure will come. Then you have another son multiplying the number. Different marriages, different challenges. Some have 2 of theirs and raise 3 of other people's children. It depends.

    Honestly, Igbo men don't have 2 kids except on rare occasions. They want more not about money or poverty.
    Coscharis... 4 boys, one girl.
    Orange drugs... 3 boys, 2 girls.
    Aren't they wealthy?

    Nice smooth read Iya Ibeji. Thumbs up.
    Let me go find the old series and read up. I've been missing better gists. Kikiki

  18. My hubby wants only one oooo, but as i took out the contraceptive , waiting on my period to regularize,i got preggie! He has begged me to tie my wombs that he can't stand having another kid after this!


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