Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Saturday, September 29, 2018

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmmmmm.....A different kind of Chronicle!







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

OMUGWO BROUHAHA


Hi Stella,
I don't know where this falls. But I need advice. I lost my mother when I was 2 months pregnant. Right now, I don't know how to go about this omugwo thing (I'm a first time mom) as my mother in law is in her late 70s hence too old to care for me when I give birth, my older sisters are all working and my aunt is still in the civil service.


 My husband is a very busy person (his job is demanding) so him helping me is out of it. Right now this is what is bothering me.

Has there been anyone in my shoes? How did you cope?

Are there people you can pay to help? (don't blame me for the funny question ibeg, I'm at a cross road right now)
Thanks for all you've been Stella.





If i can do it,you can also......me when no sabi anything did it!

I did my Omugwo alone,was at the same place you are in right now and i decided to be independent,asked myself whose child it was and why i was expecting so much of others...

My mum in law (Bless her soul) came to visit and i was happy she had come for Omugwo the first day after i came back from hospital,i needed sleep so badly but lo and behold she spent just a few mins and was leaving to give me some quiet time.......My mouth hang fall for ground oh.....

You can do it!...I am so sure others will encourage you and you will find the strength to carry on......Make yourself proud!

66 comments:

  1. Abeg make you no go collect persin wey go give ya baby winch o?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had my first child at 22years far away in Europe. There was no one with me, husband mother , mother inlaw. I did all of my omugwo myself from child1 to the 4th child.

      Delete
    2. Poster, you can do it. Your church members or mosque members will visit to help out.

      Delete
    3. Poster, I don't know your location, I would have come to help you bath, the baby in the morning, when I drop my kids at school, stay with you, till 2pm, then come back by 5.30pm to help you bath your baby.

      Delete
    4. Need a nanny in Lagos or anywhere? Call me 0706536858229 September 2018 at 17:59

      Your really tried anon 16:04

      Delete
  2. It's not easy abeg. Don't you have any big mummy or experienced mother in church. Times like this, is when the church should step in biko meet your pastor. Let him give you someone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Senior spaghetti, not like that o abeg. It is a dangerous world

      Delete
  3. If you can afford it, you should pay a nurse to cater for the baby. Better still, let an elderly woman in your place of worship assist you. Congratulations in advance

    ReplyDelete
  4. Stella I follow you hang mouth.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Get a nanny. An older woman who already has grown up kids. She will come in very early and and close at 6pm. Very easy.If u prefer live-in , no problem.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I did it all by myself, and u can do it. This entitlement mentality is annoying. Nobody must help you cater for u, except your husband. Google everything u want to know. My first child was 8 months when I got pregnant with my 2nd...I did everything by myself with both. You can do it. Congrats

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I did it all myself too, this lazy parenting is annoying

      Delete
    2. If you can afford it, get a nanny if you feel overwhelmed.
      I planned to do mine myself but I had the blues and it was hard. I got a nanny who closes at 6. I recovered thank God.

      Delete
    3. You bitches are stupid for calling it lazy parenting...una well so? So cos you lot were forced to do it alone una dey claim superhero....pls shush it abeg, if you can get help by all means do except you have no choice like these fakers here...what if she has CS then she superhero do it alone?

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    4. Except you had cs madam you will be ok. You have two hands between you and your husband let your husband help out.

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    5. I had CS and still did it alone with a TODDLER. I did it alone for my first baby too. I don't regret it. Trust me, you can do this

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    6. You’re not automatically stronger than others just because you couldn’t get anyone to come help and had to do it all on your own. I on the other hand had MIL come over for omugwo after a month of having the baby. My duties and responsibilities quickly quadrupled and so did my stress level. Instead of having the help I desperately needed. I started running errands, cooking as soon as I got home, before I could sit to rest, I’m told to come feed baby cos baby’s hungry or to come change diaper etc. I would clean entire house because it was in a state and still get called to come change diaper in the middle of cleaning while MIL sat down and watch nollywood movies. The story is too long sef. Now if others see me outside, they’ll say I had help so those who didn’t have any help are stronger than me but that wasn’t my reality. Poster, if you don’t have any help, just try to research a lot of things online and count your blessings that at least the baby is all you have to care for instead of a new baby plus a demanding and overbearing MIL. You can also organize for friends and family to come visit TO HELP YOU at different times and catch all the rest you can during those times because it’ll be back to you and the baby once they leave. Also have your husband contribute in the helping. It’s his child too. He has demanding work but he should be able to excuse some time for his flesh and blood. My husband was working out of town during my period so I suffered it all alone but made sure he took over most things on the days he came home. I cannot come and kee myself

      Delete
    7. Ask for tips at the hospital before you get discharged. Hubby learned how to bathe the baby, change diaper etc from the nurses at the hospital and showed me when we got home before he travelled back for work. I had c-section and had other complications right after birth, I had wires etc all over me connected to machines and stuff. So I couldn’t even sit up in bed talkless of stand up to learn things then. It needs to be a collaborative effort between you and your hubby. Other people from other families cannot leave their family to come help you while your own husband and father of the new child will be saying he has a demanding job and can’t help. It makes no sense. Drum it into him and let him know what’s expected of him as the father and protector of your home. It is time for him to look after and care for his family instead of leaving everything on you - a new first time mom. God forbid, if you collapse due to exhaustion or anything related to too much load on you; everything will become his sole responsibility then so it’s better he helps now and avoid the avoidables. If you guys happen to get external help at one point or the other, then that would just be a plus. Also use that to set the tone in your home so that you’re not always automatically expected to bear everything while your hubby just works. His physical input is also needed in the home. All the best and congrats on your baby!

      Delete
  7. Ask your older sisters to tell you how to Bath and care for a New born.

    Don't go and bring just any body into your home all in the name of Omugwo.

    Good Luck

    ReplyDelete
  8. We did it alone in the UK, just my husband and I. Was it easy, NO, but we managed. We have 3 blessed kids, youngest is 10. So you will be fine, just set your mind to it. Wishing you all the best

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lol your mum in-law is funny. My mum has already told me that if she stays more than a week, that means I'm lucky...all these career women sef, anyway i understand. Look for someone to pay,it will be easier for you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My dear...catering for a baby alone as a first time mum will be hard ooo.

    There's need for someone to guide you in what to and not to do.

    Someone needs to massage your tummy with hot water at least for the first 2 weeks, help with showing you how to carry baby while breastfeeding, teach you how to sit on a low hard stool with your legs closed tight so as to avoid a 'talking' vagina in the future.

    What about the cooking? Washing and cleaning especially in the first one week after delivery. Help is really needed.

    I will advice u look for a woman in her 50's either in your church or in your neighbourhood, have an agreement with her and treat her well. She should be with you from when labor starts till u deliver and return home.

    Even white people have doula and it's similar function that they perform.

    If u have a friend whose mother is still strong, but not doing a demanding job, u can ask her.

    So my advice is, get someone, get someone, get someone. There's no strong man in this issue ooo.

    Congratulations and wishing you a safe delivery.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nawa ooo, which kind long thing be this? She can do it all by herself. Most of the things arw by common sense

      Delete
    2. Mhiz A u are a lazy woman. she doesn't need help.she can cope., lazy woman , get someone ko, get someone in. If u stayed aboard my dear u will do all by urself.

      Delete
    3. 15:47, stay away from my comment.
      I aired my view from my experience, just air yours and move over biko.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous 15:47 busy body, next time try and contribute your own...
      Common sence for a first time mom is not always common, most times one needs an older mom or a care giver. I suggest the elder sisters should work out how to perform the motherly role here, they can take casual leave for few days, if they truly love their sister.

      Delete
    5. U for kukuma write the whole book for her na... imagine the long list.

      Delete
    6. Mhiz A you're right o. It's not easy at all. Help is needed.

      Delete
    7. These anons sef, cos you did it yourself, everyone must do it themselves. If not, they are lazy?

      Delete
    8. Lol @ anon 17:45
      Leave her alone jor.
      Get someone if you are a lazy person. Congrats on your bundle of joy.
      My MIA and mum were both around, I enjoyed no be small. The enjoyment na tory for another day.

      Delete
    9. If u'r living outside the country, take note that the system in itself makes life a whole lot easier. Nobody will tell me that a 'sectioned' woman will come back from hospital and be handling cooking, cleaning , caring for her baby and her own needs from day one under Nigeria's gruelling circumstances and I won't take that with a good dose of salt. Abeg, talk another thing.

      Delete
    10. No older woman is needed when the is google. Woman up! Don’t be a chicken

      Delete
    11. I agree with you 100%, there is no strong woman there. You do not have the experience. I was in the same shoes with you 6years ago, members of my chutch were of great assistance. My Pastor sent two elderly women who took turns in assisting me a ..



      L




      Dear poster, you need help and get help, I was in similar circumstances six years qgo,you can engage the services of a mature woman who has grown up kids preferably from your church as it was in my case. She lived with me for three months and till date, she is still very supportive. My children call her grandma and she helps me out with the kids as my job is very demanding. Just make sure that you and your husband treat her very well and be liberal with her, develop a personal and strong bond with her. Make her feel like a mother and the rest will be taken care of.
      Congratulations dear and have a safe delivery.

      Delete
  11. You can do it my love, I did it too...in this Europe....

    ReplyDelete
  12. You will pull through all alone, much consider you were abroad and have nobody, you will do it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Poster if you can afford it pay a nurse to help you. Or just like Stella said brace up and love and take care of your baby. From what I know most ladies abroad do their omugo by theirselves. Congratulations in advance.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You should look for someone from your church, experience mother’s in your church, close to your area that you relate with them, your friends who has been there before, just look around and stop forming Oga/ madam. You can do it

    ReplyDelete
  15. I did it with hubby Dear, though he was busy with work most times. I have 2 kids now, 3 and 1 year. When a young lady put to bed in church I started practising my skills...its not easy in this abroad oo if u don't have anyone. U just have to manage because even if someone comes to help u they can't stay much like the one's back home. Highest 1 week...

    ReplyDelete
  16. You can do it dear. The only stressful part about omugwo are the first three months. If you can afford a laundry machine, get one pls. If will help.
    Welcome to motherhood dear.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Poster u don't need any body to do it for U.I just gave birth tru cs.tomorrow will make us one month.no help of any sort.I started bathing my baby a day after T the birth cos d hospital announced they weren't bathing them for us all in the ward.so all my friend did was help me fetch hot water downstairs n I did it.I've continued since I came home n I do love it.lost my mum 3yrs ago.we are all young n we keep pushing.so brave up girl.na u alone open leg collect so do ya thing.I like my space so when hubby talked of bringing someone I knocked it off.im doing really fine

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You lied.she needs someone to help her.in my case my mum was around o but she be wakawaka.and me being d spirikoko christian won't want pple to see the type of mum I have..painting face,heavy weavons & long nails like jezzy own.so I employed one elderly Yoruba woman that was coming to help me.she bathes baby & I. I was doing my cooking myself.finally baby's code fell and circumcision healed I began to bath him myself.so poster u need help u hear..look for an elder in ur church or neighborhood abi ur towns meeting woman.someone u trust.pls don't forget to get aju mbaise standbye.its well with u.

      Delete
  18. I'm glad I'm reading the comments, I was wondering how I was going to cope with my mum gone, but hearing these strong women that did it by themselves have given me hope

    ReplyDelete
  19. All of sudden,you all did your omugwo yourself abi?
    Sdkers,I hail.

    Poster,we all are not same. What works for A might not work for G! Na you get yourself,if you know you wont be able,get help! Talk to your sisters or your pastor should help you get an elderly woman you will pay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahhaha shanty....na so o

      Delete
    2. Me sef weak for i did it myself crew them. Poster please visit wwww.omugwo.com and work out modalities. Postnatal depression is real oh

      Delete
  20. Poster I can help if u stay close to me... cam stop by after dropping the kids off. To school and leave 2pm to pick them.. .u know why? Cos I know how u feel.. .you just need someone to guide u with The routine. you have alot to learn. .. . . Don't over stress urself. Feed the baby well and clean the cord very well.. It becomes easier once the abdomen heals

    ReplyDelete
  21. This is exactly just me... Expecting my first child too. I must say this is very timely.

    I noticed that most people who did it alone live in the "abroad", you know our systems are not the same..think about it, constant electricity, water (you r not climbing down to fetch water), a lot of gadgets to help at home. etc Who will go to the market, cook, clean, wash, and still take care of the baby. Get ready for sleepless nights too..except you have a very very supportive hubby or have a family member staying with you.

    Hubby brought up this issue last night, he was suggesting a lady from 18 upwards. I was like "18 wetin? did I tell you i was looking for another child to babysit. If it was just a normal househelp,that age would be appropriate.

    So I suggest, get an older woman who can come in early and close in the evening (that is what i intend to do) if you can afford it. If you can't afford it, then find a neighbor or an older friend or a church member who would come in and help you

    Its your first child, trust me you would need help.

    ReplyDelete
  22. You can do it by your self. The moment that baby comes that motherly sense will come. For my own I was worried I can't change diaper, I use to watch YouTube videos. When my baby came she was premature, 5lbs she was so little, the nurses were so scared to give her a shower. I just stood up and showered my baby. Mind you my husband started dating someone else while I was pregnant and we started living separately. So I single handedly took care of my baby with no help from anyone. Trust me you can do it. You can watch YouTube videos if you're unsure. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nawa for your husband

      Delete
    2. My dear, that your husband no try at all o. I hail you. I feel you on the doing it by yourself attitude. I'm a first time mom of a 6 month old and I'm doing it myself as my mom and mother in law are late. Maybe because I live in the U.S. Some women don't know how strong they are until they are pushed to the limit.

      Delete
  23. I am in the same shoes with the poster, pregnant and no hope for an omugwo person. I don't know anything about baby care but I am not really bothered. This is a baby I prayed for and God who answered my cry for a child will help me. I am strong and I know I can do it.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Everyone is doing it all by themselves forgetting that we all don't have the same strength,I will advise,if you can afford it, just get a Carer/Nurse, I could link you up to a Nursing Agency that provides qualitative home care services with passion and professionalism in the comfort of your home.

    ReplyDelete
  25. So Women who take care of their children without omugwo have 2 heads.
    My husband has a very demanding job blah blah blah. Please take care of your child and stop all this lazy talk.
    I live in the Uk and the average well brought up British is very hardworking. Women and men go to work and yet you see them in the gym After work. It took me a while to try to catch up too!
    This ‘ I cannot kill myself mentality ‘ is a lazy Nigerian disease

    ReplyDelete
  26. Get someone in your church or a trusted neighbor to help and teach you for a week or two, from there you are free to go.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You can do it biko.... Dont mind people who make it look like its so much..... rest when the baby sleeps... go to YouTube and watch how to bath your baby for the first time.... pretty easy and straight to the point

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dear poster you need help, who will be buying the grocery, the local food stalls, put on generator, watch the clothes and hang it to dry, do the cooking etc the works to do are endless and your hubby is a busy person so you are not likely to get help from him.
    so try getting a nanny(live-in/out Now or a Month before Due date and get to know each other.
    I wish you a save delivery.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Most people who "did it" stay overseas.Life as a first time parent in Nigeria is not easy & you can't compare it to the life you have over there.And I am sure all of you who did it would not have mind having someone help you if you had the opportunity.There are people overseas who invite their mum or MIL for omugwo so you all should stop with the I did it.Dear poster,get an elderly woman in your church and discuss it with her,if you are very strong some days before delivery,you can make soups and store in your freezer,buy enough food so market runs would be out of it.If you can't,there are errand people on twitter and IG,you can even order soups.Buy a washing machine if you don't have one.Wishing you a safe delivery.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are u minding them? They're so tough yet they couldn't stay back and slug it out in Nigeria.

      Delete
  30. Madam look for a live in elder nanny that can get a day or two days off

    ReplyDelete
  31. Folks stop using your own experience to give advice. Especially those above calling her or others suggesting help, lazy! If you did it yourself, great! That’s you! Pls stop it! Yhankfully I had my mum to help and my last pregnancy, was twins! If she can hire a nanny, then great! If she has friends to help, then great! After having twins, I wouldn’t call another woman lazy because she is struggling with one baby! Your experiences are yours!!! Mchewwwwww

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just weak for all the people calling her lazy!!! Like y'all were not 'forced to do it due to circumstances at that time. If you people shouting 'I did it alone' have the opportunity to do it with someone around You, will you all reject the help!!!! Low key hypocrites all around. Mtscheeew

      Delete
  32. Watch YouTube or read books and take care of your child. Even Omugwo does not last forever, you will have to face your child on your own eventually.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She knows that. The idea behind Omugwo is to give u guidance in handling a new born as well as assist u till u are able to get around on ur own and avoid detriment to ur health, immediately after delivery. It could last from a few days to some months, depending on each person's capability and circumstance.

      Delete

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