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ADVICE ON HOW TO TACKLE MUMMY DEAREST

Good day Stella and Bvs. Please I need advice on how to handle my mum. She is a converted Muslim. She is now a fanatics and very narcissistic. She prefers being applauded in church for donations than meeting our needs.


If my mother is broke, that is when she will start boasting that she will give her children money to do a project/further education or assist for marriage plans. She will beg us or borrow money from us. When money comes, instead of her to save up for the rainy days to fulfil her promises, she will rather donate about 60% of the money to church.


Then, few months later she will be broke again, and starts begging people for little assistance here and there. When it is the period for her to support financially, she won't have money again. It's either the things flop or we cater for it ourselves. The church won't even do as if they see her. In short, she doesn't have a savings. She spends as the money comes and spends the huge amount of the money on church needs rather than cater for her family.


Although, she can go any length to pay school fees when we were still in school. But now that we are out of school, OYO has become our case. We are still managing and we assist her with token but why can't she be an abiyamo-a supportive mum. She's owing the bank and her account have entered dormant. I advised her to be saving 50k monthly to offset the loan and use the arrears the government owed her to balance everything. Now that things have started falling into places, she decided to give 150k to the church this month instead of our agreement. She said her God will pay her loan for her. I told her that God is already providing and that's a sign but I'm being termed "delvish". We have talked and talked but she can't change.


For instance, she promised to assist with my Masters by giving me some token monthly to add to my personal savings. she has seen money now and eaten up her words. She said that her God is the first. When my sister had her Intro, she had nothing because she already lavished the money she ought to have saved. The ceremony was somehow, thanks to Dad that supported. I also gave my token. I did my Bsc project myself. She didn't drop anything. She doesn't even know how to plan for a ceremony like I see my friends' mums do. I do see how mothers sit up for their children's sake. Where was this her church people when we were managing?


I sat in my office today thinking about everything and I saw how my older colleague is running around for her daughter's wedding preparation. I was moved to tears because I am 100% sure that my mum will just sit like a guest for my own wedding next year. If her salary doesn't enter close to that period, she won't drop one kobo to assist me, my sis and dad. All the burden will be on us. I told her this afternoon that I can't be a mother like her.


It has gotten to the point that I am now saving in an account where I don't have ATM nor mobile App should in case she comes teary and starts asking us for money. She can't go to extra length to make us happy but she can borrow money to pay her tithe. She has not celebrated any occasion for me (graduation, convocation, promotion) just like my mates but she can buy a complete TV set worth 70k for her church. We can be taking gaari at home and she will be giving her "converts" money to buy bread. I am not planning a big wedding but I see no hope in her to behave like the mother of the bride. All my life, I've been living my life as if I am without a mum.


I don't know what else we can do. She just can't reason with us because she has been brainwashed. Please fellow Christians in the house, is that how it should be? Should the church come above the needs of the children? None of us attend her church. Please what is the way out. She is a good mother but the only problem is her church. Thanks so much.


*Hmmmm I dont know what to say at alllllllll