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Monday, December 17, 2018

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmmmm.......








STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LETTING GO OF LOVE....


Good day Stella
I am one of your Nicodemus readers have been following the blog for a year. As much as I find the blog educating but some truth spilled here are scary.



Here is my story, I am a young man of 31 currently out of Job. I have worked in 2 financial institutions since . But last year I met a lady in the church exactly the month I lost my job. Since then we've been dating in anticipation of settling down. She's Nice, God-fearing, and Industrious she's 24. She just graduated and started her Internship as a medical lab scientist.


The challenge is that the job is not forth coming yet. And I don't want to appear like I'm wasting her time. She's not complaining though. Each time we discuss marriage she says I should come and see her parents first and get acquainted. But she doesn't realize I will look irresponsible if I go there to tell her people I'm doing nothing. She feels I'm not really committed. I'm sure no parent want to hand her daughter to a jobless man. 


Now Stella I want to resign from the relationship to deflect the pressure and focus on my career. I've not slept with her, no intention of doing that anyway . This is second year of the relationship and I don't want to keep a relationship for so long. As a man I have blood running by veins . I think there are guys out there that are ready to marry her with her virtues. 


Do you think I'm being cowardly with the relationship? The truth is no job yet. No money for wedding self. We are both God fearing and she said I don't have faith that so many people have married without money and today they are doing fine it's just a matter of time. 


No matter how true this may sound Is the risk worth taking ? Please advice me. person we no get money no dey chop ofe owerri. I really need a wide range of opinion especially from people who have undergone similar case before.
Thanks




*Well i think its good you want to give her the option of breaking up or staying cos its not fair to lead someone on in a situation like you describe....
Please dont go and see her parents until you have a job...that is if you decide to continue with the Relationship...

82 comments:

  1. You don't seem to love her if you're thinking of breaking up. If you love her, go and see her parents like she asked. It's possible they can help you with a job sef. Don't throw away someone you claim to love over something that is temporary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abeeg poster go and look for job haven't you read it severally on this blog that broke guys should never contemplate going into any relationship. End it already and go and hustle like a man.🙅🙅🙅

      Delete
    2. But love has to be wise. And it's wisdom to not get married until you are financially able to. It is not love to bring kids into the world or have a family when there are no plans to provide for them. Is it love to see mothers begging for help right from the start, right from the hospital when their child is born? It's foolishness, not love. You run a family on money, not 'love'. There is a time to hustle, and there is a time to marry. Don't awaken love before it's time.

      Delete
    3. Anon 15:04, what do you mean by he should go see her parents and her parents might give him a job. The parents na federal govt abi? Poster you are doing the right thing jare. Just try and explain to her the situation of things. Forget that she is not bothered now o. She is a woman. By the time you eventually marry her without a job, you go hear wein. Just keep searching for a job biko. God will provide

      Delete
    4. I think the poster is a sensible and well raised guy compared to many. Others will still chop n clean mouth. Tell the girl your fears and give her the option of waiting for you if she can. Hopefully, God will bless u with a job soon

      Delete
    5. Poster you are a man scared of responsibilities and commitment !!!

      You don't love this lady enough

      You love her but NOT ENOUGH

      When you loose this woman willing to build with you; don't come crying later how girls broke your heart when you finally get the imaginary job

      Truth is you don't even know yourself yet. The kind of girls hungrying is not her type. You want flashy girls but can't afford them yet; thats why you are asking this jamb question

      Las las you will turn to *Emy mouth odour* in 15 girls contacts when you get the imaginary money you are throwing away a good woman for.

      Bye

      Delete
    6. Some of you ladies are so pathetic. Are you the lady, did she complain. Anon 3:04 is right. Have you ladies not seen in-laws that had set up their sons in-law. OP for the girl to tell you to meet her parents, she have trust in them and that they wont embarrass you, don't you think she has already told them and you and your present job status. if you really love her and she loves you too, tell her to give some time sort your self out, but don't leave her, meet her parents if you want to and explain yourself, they wont kill you.

      Delete
  2. Give her the option bubto me get a job

    ReplyDelete
  3. Some girls sef .
    Desperate insyd poverty.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Please let her go... When you're ready, you can go back to her, if she's still single....

    Most important thing is for you to get a job first, every other thing will follow.. Only love cannot sustain marriage, she might not complain now, but will do that when she cannot cope anymore.. All the best to you

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous mode activated. When i knew my husband, he had nothing. No job, no money, nothing. We started talking marriage as he got a job and my people were asking how i'd cope. I come from a very wealthy home. Right now, hubby has made a name for himself. Good job, good business and money in his account.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. my dear that it worked for does not mean it will work for everybody

      Delete
    2. Good for you. Still waiting for something to happen years later. Your story is optimistic but it’s not all roses. May take one years to get there or instantly.

      Some people just end up struggling throughout.

      Delete
    3. Poster are you reading how she had fate? And it worked for her.... that ur church that turned u into spirikoko, dont they tell u fate & hard work goes hand in hand? U even have a supportive woman ure there doing sme sme.... if u leave that r/ship now wetin you gain? Even pussy u no chop! Abeg grab ur balls & look for a job or business! Its just a matter of time, at least ure being honest with her.... see lemme tell you, if u let another grab this girl it'd pain u later, cus you'd get a job with no good girl to match, in this land of Oloshos, you think its easy to find a decent girl??

      Delete
    4. You started talking marriage as he soon as he got a job not when he has no job.

      Delete
    5. There are some people without jobs at the moment, but if youre close to them you'd just know something will turn up sooner than later, maybe they have connected friends or family members, or theyre so brilliant n hard working, such ppl u can bank on them & risk it, not like nothing nothing kind of ppl, just looking up to God, saying "e go better"...

      Delete
    6. A wise marriage counselor said... "If something is important to you you'd find a way, if not you'd find an excuse".... he was right.

      Delete
    7. Different strokes for different folks. It works for Mr.A doesn't mean it will work for Mr. B. Destiny differs.

      Delete
    8. @anony you also have to say the year this happened. The chances of getting a job after losing one in year 2000 is not the same as in year 2018. The stakes are much higher now. You also mentioned your wealthy background which must have helped. His variables are not the same as yours, so the outcome may not be the same. Also poster what are your chances? Your degree, certifications, experience and drive should let you know how long you need to get back on your feet. But whatever you decide, communicate with your girl.

      Delete
  6. Dont even try to settle down without a job....ha,if u do,u go hear am,forget all this lovi lovi...it will clear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right mrs Sharon. Poster, If you marry her without a job it won't be funny o. That's when you'll see her true character. Not all ladies can cope with a jobless husband o. It can be so frustrating at times. If you know you know

      Delete
  7. Explain things to her and hear what she has to say

    ReplyDelete
  8. Which one is God fearing. See Papa fear catch you. You are writing God fearing.

    Be a man and tell her your reasons. God fearing don't lie but you want to lie to her and not tell her the truth why you want to slack from the relationship

    ReplyDelete
  9. Correct hit with correct head.
    It's good you are thinking like this, but you have to discuss with her and while doing that continue in hustling for a job or look for something small first, you can start from there.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You dunno how long its gonna take u to find your feet, you are an honest man for giving her the options so that tomorrow she won't have any ground to tag u time waster or insult u for being jobless just in case.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ..... but my annoyance is that he hasnt broken any bed, after all the honest & patience, one guy man will now come & scatter the bed beyond repair.

      Delete
    2. Lol... @Oxygen be nice naa

      Delete
    3. Oya, guy go n break her waist...just once.

      Delete
  11. Correct Guy with correct head.
    It's good you are thinking like this, but you have to discuss with her and while doing that continue in hustling for a job or look for something small first, you can start from there.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You just like that girl because she's godly, you really re not in Love with her if not you won't look for ways to let her go. Free her someone else will find her. And yes you have no business meeting her people, even you will embarrass yourself when you start explaining what you do to them.
    Let her go, when you are ready if she's still single then you can find her out again.
    Broke guys can confuse girls with loyalty and sweet talk eh. See the girl is saying come and meet my people it doesn't matter. Ahhhh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty pocket creates creative minds, what else do they use their time for other than to plan?

      Delete
  13. Don't go see her parents without having a job. If she has faith, join your with her to pray for employment breakthrough first. As a man you should have something doing(source of income) before talking Marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm sorry to say but I think U re a coward... Oh well, just like ur post up there, explain it all to her & walk. Even if she refuses, pls walk away still with your fickle feelings & little faith. U re doing her a favor, she will later realize U ddnt deserve her

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Re U minding the lazy coward. Why did U start dating the very month U lost your job? U used her to get over the hurt. U have probably grown bored & decided it's career U wan face now. Shouldn't that have been your first recourse

      Delete
  15. Make it an open relationship. Settle yourself first. Don't tie her to yourself. Free that girl for other people ready if after u are settled she is still available fine.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Poster why not start frim small ?? You can get a teaching job and also be waiting for the bigger job.atleast you Will have something to tell the parents when you visit them.I dont advice you cut the relationship just like that..get a teaching job and visit the parents, and if they reject you, your girl will know is no more your fault.Abi dont you love your girl ?? Your babe is really a good girl oh, is rare to see her type.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What do you mean by start from small by getting a teachig job..?so teaching job is now for everyone abi.so if you fail to secure a job one should go try teaching..just like that..give respect to the teaching profession abeg.

      Delete
    2. Eka joy well done oh

      Delete
    3. Lol... Anon 15:50 e av vex! Simple gold, will U stopppiiittt?! Respect our profession oo

      Delete
    4. No sensible school will employ a person without teaching certificate or experience! So quit this Nigerian talk of “finding a school to teach” its disrespect and undermining.

      Delete
  17. Marrying without job is sheer wickedness and not faith.finance is one of the engine of marriage. Get a job lst before u think of marriage but if d lady insist u marry her like DAT no p as for me I can marry a jobless man I can't open my eyes and enter into poverty u can look for capital to set up a business if the job is not forthcoming

    ReplyDelete
  18. Some girls with their fish brain. "Come and see my parents" with no money and no job. If at the end of the day you impregnate her she will come here and write chronicles and call you a scum.

    Poster leave the relationship. You are still young and she's young as well. If she can wait till when you get a job good and if she cannot call it quit.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dont be stampeded into getting married if you are not ready - no job is a good enough reason not going to meet her parents. If she's desperate & cant wait until your economic situation improves, then let her go. If she's truly yours, she'd come back!👌

    ReplyDelete
  20. I agree with your decision but you need to have a heart to heart discussion to allow her see things from your point of view.

    ReplyDelete
  21. My dear BV, when I got married to my wife in 2010, I was jobless and she was working,a job I helped and encouraged her to get, though I had money in the bank.since we got married I've changed jobs thrice, now I'm even currently working overseas,and she has a good paying job back home. She always believed in me and encouraged me and still does. I also believed in her and encouraged her career growth. If you believe in yourself and she believes in you, my guy sky is the limit. Iron sharpens iron. I met her parents as a jobless fellow. But I'm glad I married her. She's the greatest encouragement I have asides the kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'YOU HAD MONEY IN THE ACCOUNT' according to you.
      Your wife had a JOB, a JOB with a salary. NOT an intern living on a stipend.
      Please let us be realistic.
      Your daughter brings a jobless fellow home as her fiance, you will shine teeth like an orangutan and say 'carry on' ba?

      If he desires to marry her, let him get a freelance job, or home tutor or sell moi moi. There is dignity in labour.
      No sensible father in law seeing how he is applying himself, will not give him a chance to prove himself.

      All I see is a man who is looking for how to discharge somebody who is an unwelcome distraction.
      Poster, fold your balls up and tell her you want to focus on your life for now.
      Simple.

      Delete
    2. But did u tell her parents u were job hunting? Advice him well na

      Delete
    3. Perhaps the money in the bank gave me some level of confidence, coupled with the encouragement my wife gave me. He can still meet her parents and have be committed to getting back on his feet. Some people need a burden before they make it in life. Only saying some people perform or hustle harder under pressure.

      Delete
  22. Do not go to her parents. Marriages don't survive in poverty. The girl needs a brain reset, instead of her growing in her career and making money, it is marriage that she is thinking about, shioor.
    Poster, go and double your hustle and stop discussing anything that has to do with marriage with her. Poster, please walk away from that girl.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Please let her slow down she's just 24. Why on earth would a girl with her eyes open enter or want to enter into poverty. @poster let me tell you money is important in marriage, love is just extra. After God in marriage money follow then love. Please don't mind her saying come see my people later she will start insulting you. Get a job first. Poverty is real especially when you have extra mouth to feed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes when people do things, there is always an underlying reason that propels such actions.

      For the lady in question I think she was brought up in a strict Christian home where she was taught that sex can only happen within the confines of marriage and maybe she has never had sex and we all know that ‘Konji’ is a respecter of no one. Probably she feels she loves the guy and wants to gbensh legally so she doesn’t mind walking into poverty to achieve that.

      You know she might want to start having sex without guilt so she’s hurrying the guy.

      Delete
  24. Why is she in a hurry? You guys should take it slow, tell her she needs to calm down that you have to find your feet before going to see her parents while you intensify your job search

    ReplyDelete
  25. Marriage is enough work. Marriage for a man without money is more than enough work.. Some marry without money and heaven smiles on them within few months. Some never got out of that poverty forever. If you are poor and marry a wealthy man's daughter. Your second name in that home is servant.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I was in her shoes 7years ago, I loved him I still love him sef. He had nothing but I had a job and was not materialistic (I'm still not materialistic anyway). He didn't have a job but was doing business but that didn't even have a structure. I wanted to build and grow with him, he presented a hustling spirit and showed me potentials of a go getter. My family is comfortable and understood the principles of building a life with ones spouse since that was how all my siblings started out and now they are super duper comfortable and enjoying their sweat with their spouses.
    Ogbeni went 180° on me few years after the marriage when money wasn't forthcoming from his side. It became my fault; I didn't enter the marriage with "good legs", a wife is supposed to bring fortune to her husband and so on and forth. This is rich coming from a man who I supported with my last kobo. I don't have any younger ones to train neither do my parents depend on me for anything so 101% of my income was swallowed by my marriage: running a home and footing his business bills at the same time. I went from having a very healthy account balance to living from one salary to another. His hustling facade faded away, his prospects died off and yet I'm the problem? I feed, make provisions and created a comfortable home with my sweat yet I'm the problem? When I faced him with cold facts it became his mom; she is not supportive enough, she has refused to sponsor him abroad etc!
    I don't have a problem with a broken man but you see one that is comfortable with being broke? They are the spawn of the devil because they will blame everyone for their misfortune but absolve themselves of any blame.
    So Oga if you are like my husband, leave that girl alone and don't frustrate her. You should have a steady source of income before you can even start to talk about getting married. Marriage is hard work and been broke will expose your inner devil, break you and pile unnecessary pressure on the marriage. I carried mine for 6years and it nearly broke my spirit because I was the pillar. Marriage is all about complimenting your spouse, nobody should be doing a particular thing alone if not resentment and hurtful feelings will enter the equation.
    Find your square root and discover yourself first before tying her down. If she loves you, she will wait until you guys are able to start off with something tangible and dependable no matter how small.
    You self if someone comes and tells you he's jobless and broke yet wants to marry your daughter, what will you do & how will you see him?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gbam!!!!

      I just want to replace the 'i' in compliment withe 'e'.

      I say double 'Gbam'!

      Delete
  27. My pastors said that to marry is not a big deal, we are taking it so. If u have relatives that can support u in paying d bride price then pls go ahead.
    Some men donot have their ways open till they marry the right partner even d bible says so. So poster pls pray about it and thank God uve not had sex with her,so that if God tells u to leave, ur fleshy desires won't tell u otherwise. Pray about the job too, weeks before d wedding and u might get a call that'll change ur world. Have faith and pray, things will fall in place.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'm the same situation. I am 32 with a 32k job but a prospective PhD holder (by the grace of God). I have been with my lady for about two years. I will go and see the parents tomorrow. What will be will be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is your woman 32 too? This one 32 is chasing u everywhere u go.

      Delete
    2. I don laff taya,32x32

      Delete
  29. Dear poster,

    The issue here is not necessarily you not having a job yet but you neither trusting God to get a job soon nor believing in getting something soon. I will not advice any man to talk marriage with a woman when he does not have any source of income - Adam was given work in the garden of Eden before he was given a wife. That it works for some peeps does not mean it will work for all. It all depends on how hopeful the man is.

    Also, some women cannot handle pressure, it may be easy for your girl to say meet my parents...bla bla bla.....but she may not say so when the real deal comes.

    In fact, your bringing the issue here and your tone show your lack of confidence AKA 'faith'. You are not ready for marriage yet - please, let this lady be, build your self-confidence and find a work/business to do.

    All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Why do I feel this poster is Teejay

    Yeee!!! Who slap me?😂😂😂😂

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Loling at your comment 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

      Delete
    2. Aproko queen but why? *in Igbo man's voice* 😂😂😂😂😭

      Delete
    3. This is 😂😂😂😂😂.
      Teejay has previously said he's single so it's your village people that slapped you for talking too much 😅😛

      Delete
  31. I love your honesty sir. From the dept of my heart, I hope that you find a very good job. I know how you feel.

    ReplyDelete
  32. My brother I understand you. I will advice you hold this girl tight. This is the time to know if a woman loves you. Not when you are loaded. You might be confused in choosing a partner. Go see the parents let them see who you are now. Dont be a coward Unless you don't love her

    ReplyDelete
  33. Poster am advising u from experience although people are different but don't leave her.Get either a job in a fast food joint or get a teaching job in any private school. Am sure luck will smile on u nd remember God hates laziness. Don't commit crime in a short time ur story will change. All the best of luck to u

    ReplyDelete
  34. You have it all my brother,don't throw it away because of money, money will come,but you might not find someone quite like her,many are not like wat u described up there and when you have made the money,it will be difficult to know who loves u or who loves your money.so if u ask me I say stick with her,eexplain to her,u could go see her people to declare you interest and then start doing things small small till u find your feet as a man.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Some foolish men be like" as a man, I have blood running through my veins..Is it soup running through women veins?... mtcheew..

    ReplyDelete
  36. Don't like that people are guilt tripping this guy into marriage. Forced marriages no dey last. Sometimes people are just not ready. Financially. emotionally. whatever. And when you're not ready, it's better to wait for the best time, while praying and hustling. During the waiting and hustling season, I believe its best to do that single, for focus and clarity. But poster, you've been out of a job for over a year, that's quite a while. Good luck though!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Pls guy listen. Don't marry or even talk abt marriage wen u r not stable. She will talk now that she can manage with you and all but when you are married and reality sets in then she will show you her true colors.. Focus on yourself, get a job and stabilize urself. If she can wait for you fine. If she can't free her pls. There are loads of good women.

    ReplyDelete
  38. poster please dont do it ....i repeat dont go and see her parent just try and get a job even if its a change

    ReplyDelete
  39. Gosh!

    We all are so very different aren't we?

    Me that I can't date if I don't have money in my pocket. As in my OWN money. That I have worked for.
    There is a confidence you have when you're making your own paper. No body can come to chat rubbish in your front because at least you can feed, clothe and house yourself to a reasonable extent.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Do not marry!!! I consulted DH on this matter too and he said do not marry!

    ReplyDelete

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