Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Sunday, December 30, 2018

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmmmm.......







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE....
CHRONICLES FROM A WORRIED MOTHER....


Dear Stella, I've been your blog reader for over 10 years. Please do post this up. I'm looking for advice from blog visitors who live in countries handling situations like this and who can give good advice.


My daughter went to the U.S for her Masters degree about 12 years ago. There she met a young man who is Nigerian born but American bred. He was ( still is) a perfect gentleman and I could see why my daughter fell for him. However, this man came with a lot of baggage.

No 1. Baby mama issues ( An American woman had a daughter for him) 

No 2. His mother wouldn't let go of him. (After relocating from Nigeria to America with his parents at a very young age, his parents marriage hit the rocks. He and his other sibling were therefore raised by his mother alone).
When I got to know about all this , I spoke heart to heart with my daughter. I saw a situation where she might be fighting battles with her mother-in-law and fighting battles with his baby mama in future. I wasn't very comfortable. 


The guy was a good guy, very well mannered, very respectful, humble, hardworking, had a very good job with a good pay, loved my daughter so very much but I wasn't so sure about all this baggage he was carrying. My fears deepened when one day, his mother called me up on phone whilst her son was still dating my daughter, introduced herself to me on phone and casually informed me that she single handedly brought up her children and so any girl who marries her son must be prepared to marry her too. I was taken aback. 


This wasnt the usual route to take when you want to meet your in-laws to be!!

 I called and warned my daughter that the problems were already showing up before marriage. However, this guy was so much bent on marrying her just as much as she was bent on marrying him too. They did both get married about 8 years ago, have children now and have been living quite happily in the U.S. All except for one thing. This baggage. And this is where I need advice from experienced blog visitors who can understand


Baggage 1:-
The baby mama seems bent on making life a living hell for him. Baby mama is already married to a man who doesnt seem to have much doing for himself and she even has two other kids for this man. The child she has for my daughters husband is a little above 13 years old now. However, baby mama will sue in court for increase in child support at any slightest opportunity she has. Initially, my daughter seemed able to accommodate these baby mamas excesses but now the whole thing appears getting out of hands. Now, It seems like all my daughter and her husband ever do is anticipate the next move baby mama is going to make, what angle she may come from again, how to forestall those moves etc.. and to me, it seems like baby mama has just taken over their marriage and they cannot relax. 

 He has to submit his pay advice to baby mama through the court and any extra income he earns must be declared. As soon as baby mama sees he is earning higher, she sues in court for something silly just so that she can get more money. He tried asking for joint parenting and joint custody of the child but baby mama taught the young girl to tell lies against her father in court and the court subsequently awarded full custody to baby mama. 


Is there any blog visitor conversant with this kind of situation and can give advice on how to handle it? He has never defaulted on paying child support but this constant harassment, going to the courts at any time to sue for increase in what is being paid is just the limits. He has his own family now- my daughter who is his wife and they have two beautiful children. 

He wants his child borne by baby mama to come and spend holidays with him and at least bond with her other siblings, he wants to be part of the childs life but baby mama wont allow that to happen. Instead, she just keeps using the child as a cash cow . Why won't this baby mama just let them be in peace? What advice can blog visitors give to this?


Baggage 2:-
MIL wants to be part of their marriage exactly as she said to me from the beginning. She wants their home to be an extension of her own home. She is quite overbearing, showing up frequently unannounced at their home and wanting to stay for undefined periods. So far, her son seems to be handling her fairly well and has set up some boundaries but of course this has not gone down well with her and has created a lot of tension and ill feelings from her against my daughter.


I just feel these battles are too many and is exactly as i anticipated that it will happen many years ago. . I feel quite concerned and will appreciate any advice from blog visitors that may help. I read a lot of advice from BVs under Chronicles and many blog visitors are blessed with very good common sense. Thank you Stella. Merry Christmas Belatedly and a Happy New year to you.



*Awwww,the love of a mother!!!!...I am just speechless reading all these..
These are indeed a lot of baggage in a young marriage.......Let me also read advice from the comment section...God bless you Maam.

59 comments:

  1. It is well.
    I don't have any idea of how things work over there.
    May you get the needed advice from experienced bvs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is where tolerance & understanding comes in! Let your love lead with understanding & be there for him! Because she knew before entering the marriage!


      ... Jesus is my worth!

      Delete
    2. If only your daughter had listened. Now she fit dey regret

      Delete
  2. They have married already for years the best for her is to tolerate.she entered the marriage knowing fully well about the baggage and accepted it.She has no option than to tolerate since her husband loves her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly

      Mummy it is too late your daughter has already entered

      1) baby mama issue. The daughter is 13 and child support stops at 18 in US i think so mummy you just have to be patient.

      2) let him continue to set boundaries for his mother and face front jare let the mother do as she like

      In all mummy pray always for your daughter and let God do the rest

      Shalom

      Delete
  3. Yaba left escapee30 December 2018 at 15:16

    They should endure, remiaining 5yrs the daughter will be an adult, then lets see her next move.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yaba left escapee30 December 2018 at 15:19

    This is the bad side of marrying a "good man"... theyre too soft and do everything by the books.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I disagree with your notion.
      The guy is just not firm enough to control his mother's excesses.
      Not all good guys are like that.

      Delete
  5. Baby mama issue,i would av suggested DAT d guy should relocate to Nigeria,Mother in law ish,d guy shud leave the area he is residing and be free from all this issues.I would av suggested dat ur daughter shouldn't av marry d guy.But now dat she's married to d guy let her bear d consequence. Let her show love to her mother in law.love covers every thing,for the baby mama let d guy look for a means to relocate d child to Naija

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What are you saying? Relocate which child to naija?

      Delete
    2. Child that he doesn't even have joint custody of yet and the mom even refused she com spend holiday with.
      You think US is is 9ja????
      You want to put him in more trouble

      Delete
  6. They have weathered the challenges for 8years, they will overcome, with each others support.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your daughter knew the madness of the horse she was going to ride and decided to hitch it anyway. These are two scorned women acting up. Baby mama isn't happy that he married her. MIL isn't happy that another lady is getting married while her own marriage crashed.
    Your daughter has begun so she must finish this race triumphantly. She has to be patient and loving with regard to both ladies. Try as much as possible to stay out of their lanes and concentrate on her job and kids.
    Patience and love is the key here. Any attempt at confrontation, she will be in jail; they can arrange it. Already, you can see that the daughter from baby mama has been taught to "arrange" things in court. It is where I live.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Poster, I appreciate your concern as a mother for your daughter.
    As for baggage number 1, that will be over in another 5years. I know it is quite a long time, but for them to have gone through it for 13 years, I believe that they can see out the remaining 5 years. He is doing the right thing by declaring any additional income and not defaulting on his child support. As for wanting the 13 year old to bond with his two kids, I think that is unnecessary considering the fact that her mother can use her to lie against him. He should let her stay with her mother and do his usual visitations.
    Baggage Number 2: Well, your daughter knew what she was getting into prior to marriage. You warned her about it and she still decided to go ahead with her choice. She should live with the consequences of her decision. I appreciate her husband's bravery to put checks on his mother's involvement in their marriage. I tell you what, your daughter will have to live with that for as long as it last, as I don't think that would change.
    Your concerns as a mother are very genuine. You should continue to pray for her, be a support for her and help her in any way and form you can. It is her marriage let her live with the choice she made.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U saved me from typing
      Poster...this is d best advice.
      The child support will end when the gal clocks 18 so she should endure.

      Delete
    2. Mhiz A
      Saved you from typing and you still typed all these?

      Delete
  9. They should get a lawyer who can see through the Baby Mama's bull shit and Sue her for some irresponsibility in child rearing, her an investigator is needed to gather some evidence. She's cunny so get cunnier. As for the MIL, the man is the one to call her maama to order or does she want a broken
    marriage for her son like hers๐Ÿค”๐Ÿค” Your daughter only owes her love and if she doesn't reciprocate, packs her aside. The tension can crack that marriage so they better up their games

    ReplyDelete
  10. For the babymama, they should just endure for more 5 years since the girl is 13 and that is it.

    As for her mother-in-law, there is nothing much to say. As a guy, I would say you are a woman and will mostly do the same if you were in her shoes, so enjoy till one of you is tired.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Madam, tell your daughter to mind her business. It was well spelt out before she began.

    All the men that love to browse holes and deposit semen like they deposit monies in banks, this is the dividends of your investment. There is not divestment at all.
    All the ladies that trap men in holes and bring children they use to war, no peace too; married or not.
    All the girls that will not listen to mothers' concern in the heat of love, it is dividend sharing time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Both husband and wife are reaping the consequences of: as you lay your bed, so you lie on it.

      Delete
  12. Well, for me oh the only issue i see here is the 13yr old child. If i was in the wife’s shoes, that idea of wanting the 13yr old kid to bond with her other 2 siblings will never happen! They will Never bond anything with that child because i dont want that child’s negative influence on my own kids! That Child is a girl, she also has her own grievances towards the wife and her kids cos she would likely feel like they stole her place. She has been coached by her mok as well, whatever happens in their home will be discussed when she gets back to her mom. Yoruba people say when theres no crack in the walls Lizards cant come into the home. Let that 13yr old stay her mother pls. She’s already 13! Andother 5yrs no more child support! I know 5yrs seems like a long time but everyone will be okay. Leave that 13yr old alone
    As per the MIL? Thats the least of anybody’s worries. Na ur daughter and her husband dey shake for am. Make them measure ground for am she go adjust

    ReplyDelete
  13. I have been in a relationship like this before, all what she narrated I went through. I met this guy, very humble and charming above all respectful. He had a baby with someone else and above all he's a mummy's boy. He truly loves me but we started having problems that whenever we had little issues he'll call and tell mummy, if we want to eat maybe I prepare a delicious meal, in his voice "mummy she prepared a native soup and we are about eating" so many things I can't really remember right now. The mom will call and tell me her son told her that we had an argument, at that point I knew I can't manage it let alone continue with the relationship. The baby mama on the other side giving him hit that he can't get married to someone else but her. I was now looking for a way to break out, it got to a time he talked about marriage and I quickly ask him we should go do a genotype test together even though I knew mine, and it turns out we are both AS' at that point I was very happy that I got something to hold onto, then we went our separate ways but he was still pleading that we should get back together that medically we can get a solution but I refused.
    My advice here madam, you've done your bit, but keep on talking to her cos she's your daughter! but let her be to see things for herself, maybe then she'll realize you meant well for her.

    ReplyDelete
  14. 5 more years and the baby Mama ish will be over; the child can bond with her father and step siblings. No more child support too. As for the mother in-law, your daughter should just ignore or tolerate her. No marriage is perfect, her mother in-law is still better than most...

    ReplyDelete
  15. I agree with some of the anons but your son in law and daughter are too gentle. There are a number of options. Endure with baby mama until the child is 18 which is 5 more years. Or they could fight back but they should prepare to go all out. The moment the baby mama married and is under the roof of another man, your son in law only owes her child support commensurate with the income and lifestyle of the father or in some cases, the partner earning more. Not being a dead beat dad sometimes has its disadvantages. Some men could declare an increase in expenses for instance. Some men would start putting in more money into their 401k. Some would hire a very aggressive attorney and a detective to investigate the baby mama's habits and spending. They would also hire a child psychologist to uncover all the lies. I could go on and on but it might be best to endure for 5 for years as at the end of the day, no one wants to damage the child caught in the middle of this mess.
    With regards to the mother in law, she needs your son in law to set tougher boundaries and she also needs to be distracted. If she is the religious type a 'vision' from a prophet is in order. Above all be very prayerful as your daughter is already part of all this.

    ReplyDelete
  16. For the baby mama and child support payments, it will be over in 5 years once the child turns 18. For the mother in law, don’t know what to say other than your daughter should just tolerate her.

    ReplyDelete
  17. since I am not in d US and av no advice to give...lemme just read comments

    ReplyDelete
  18. Mama, your daughter has been patient for 8years, if she can wait 5 more years for his first fruit to turn 18 so they can be free from babymama's ish/troubles. Your daughter and hubby sound like good people, they should endeavor to paralyze them with true show of love while they await their freedom. No matter what the babymama tells her daughter about the dad, the girl has got common sense, she should be able to tell the truth from the lies... As for the mother in law, there's just nothing love cannot do, honestly. Let your daughter learn to disregard her excesses & pay attention to her ONLY when she thinks she needs to, after all, it's not affecting the loving relationship with her hubby. She will get tired eventually. All these issues never last though, all will be well, trust the Lord on this okay?! It's well...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Baggage 1 (Baby Mama Issue): Patience is key. The child in question is already 13 years. Only a few more years and she would no longer be a child. In other words no more child support. Your daughter and son-in-law have been enduring the baby mama for eight years. Just five years more and the baby mama ordeal will be over.

    Baggage 2 (Mother-in-law palava): Seems they are coping well. Hubby is setting boundaries (that is good). Most husbands here in Africa do not know how to do that. Let your daughter continue enduring her excesses like she has been doing. What union is perfect in this mortal sojourn? (Even the European Union has issues!). Your daughter should see this as an experience that would help her develop moral strengths of patience, tolerance, forgiveness etc.
    And lastly there is always light at the end of the tunnel. It will surely end in praises and thanksgiving.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your name made me comment, are you named after late Obafemi Awolowo's wife? She was also H.I.D too just exactly as yours๐Ÿ˜Š

      Delete
    2. Hello, I'm just curious about your name with the initials H.I.D, what's the story behind it, are you related to the late Obafemi Awolowo's matriarch? Cos you coincidentally share the same name, are you named after her? Just like to know๐Ÿ˜Š...

      Delete
    3. Hi. I am not related to her. I was just named after her.

      Delete
    4. Ok H.I.D thanks for responding, I sent both messages๐Ÿ˜Š...
      Guess your parents must really love her to name you after her. Met her and her hubby once during their lifetime though๐Ÿ˜Š...
      Happy Nu Year in advance, have a good one.

      Delete
  20. For the baby mama ish, your son inlaw should get a lawyer and let him do investigations codedly and get his evidences before suing her.

    ReplyDelete
  21. In five years time the issue of child support would be over and they will be free from the baby mama issue. For the mother in law issue it is good that the husband has set boundaries so he should keep enforcing it and your daughter should stay out of it so as not to be termed bad dil.as for the bonding with the 13year old girl,I don't think I will want my young kids to bond with a girl who already lies in court to support her mum and who might even have resentment for her half siblings. Who knows what she and her mother will Cook up if she is free with them.all the same tell your daughter to keep managing the issue with time d problems will subside since your son in law is a good man and good men are hard to find these days.keep them in ur prayers daily too ma.God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Just like someone said above, I feel the guy is too good to a fault and this made him a softie. Now there's nothing wrong in being good, just that there are invincible lines that should be maintained and not cross sometimes.
    Due to this softie nature of his that's why his ex and mom are gaining grounds over his peace and happiness and as a matter of fact his spouse will share the burden of it too.
    In Western world especially UK & USA, women get favored mostly when it comes to alimony,custody battles, divorce and all. However in his case according to what you wrote, he is keeping the end of his bargain as per the child support, all he can do is to try and let the court know exactly what the ex is doing and how she's making life miserable for him, the court might help fixing it since he isn't defaulting and also the lady in question has moved on, though this ain't guaranteed because, it all depends on who is deciding at the court(hope won't be a bitter soul) but it can help and be a way out. Another angle is, he will soon be done with the payment because under the law, it ends when the child graduates from high school. Though there are some extensions to the rule but since the child is 13 in about 5-7yrs he should be done...so Ma'am encourage them to be strong and hang on. Not letting their home be broken as a result of these baggage, though it's easier said than done, especially when one is just an adviser☺
    As for the MIL, well it's like a mirror thing because if I'm to be candid, I'd say you both are kinda doing the same thing just that you may not see yourself as overbearing but you're equally in their biz too just as her, however her son is the only one that can curb this excesses from her, but being a softie that I sensed he is, will make it a tough one. Your daughter should be able to tell her man exactly how she wants her home to be run and if he truly loves her, he will see to her happiness and kindly make his mom understand some things without hurting her feelings.
    Truth be told this situation isn't and won't ever be an easy one because of third parties involved in it, may God see them through and bestow them all the endurance and wisdom they need.
    -Tee๐Ÿ’ซ๐Ÿ‘€

    ReplyDelete
  23. Baby mama issues.. I"ll pass on this one

    ReplyDelete
  24. Lol, film story...

    ReplyDelete
  25. I feel for your son.i live here in the us.paying of child support is big bizness for baby mama's.that is while you see most women having 3 or more kids for d/f men.one of the mistakes some men have is letting the baby mama knows he income cos the higher the income,the more you pay for child support.so the baby mama will use your own child against you feeding the child with all lies.i will suggest let ur son get a undercover spy,and a very good lawyer to monitor her and see her way of life if she really spends the money on your child.remember she have two other kids with another man.the man may be jobless.the baby mama may not even have a job.she even makes more money.if you know how much some of this baby mama's makes during tax returns.just investigate her with enough evidence and go to court.

    ReplyDelete
  26. There is nothing like five years remaining like everyone else is saying. If that child gets into college, her father will still be responsible for support. It only ends at 18 if she does not get further education.
    Secondly, your son needs to get an experienced family law attorney. If the lady is working too, he shouldn’t be the only one taking care of their daughter. He has other kids now and his living expenses has increased. That’s why he needs a new attorney for child support review. The lady needs to turn in her pay advice too.
    The issue with MIL is a sad one. I have seen several Nigerian men here who cannot speak up for their wives. Some of those women make life miserable for the girls. Unfortunately, your daughter just has to be very wise and learn to tolerate her. Good thing her husband backs her. Many here do not.
    I wish your daughter the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. College support is only applicable in some states of the United States and not all.

      Delete
    2. College support from parents yet there is student loans all over America?

      Delete
    3. Do you think student loans cover everything??

      Delete
    4. It is applicable in most states.

      Delete
  27. Maam you and your daughter's mother in law are one and the same. You want your daughters happiness and she wants her sons happiness. The only difference is that maybe because of her presence in your daughters house, you are not allowed to come around as often as you want. So to me I will say that you should just allow your daughter to handle things on her own since she knew what she was getting into from the onset and still decided to marry the man. As for the baby mama, her daughter will soon be 18 and by then, she will run out of lies to tell. Your daughter and son in law should just have a little patience and all will be well. They should also stop asking for their children to bond because it might be a bad idea.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Madam, it is not the same thing. You cannot feel that my matrimonial home and you can come at any point in time to spend however long you please. You have to inform them when you're coming and how long you would be staying. You can't just come and spend 3 months because you feel like. Her Son is not living alone.

      Mee!

      Delete
  28. Your gal knew what she signed up for.baby mama is to be patient.then for mil.it lies in ur son in laws hand.the mil will never love ur daugther no matter what she does.even if the mil stays dines and know in and out of their marriage she will still always have an excuse.u can't force every one to love u.so ur gal should keep giving her space.

    ReplyDelete
  29. They should just be patient for the remaining 5years. As for the Mil, most of them are like that especially Nigerians. She should just continue giving her space because she will always have reservations about her. Most Nigerian mil are always carping, very difficult to please and very intrusive.
    And, it's very good that you didn't ask for Stella's input/advice, she most times don't help/give helpful advise. obviously,German/Oyibo mentality is playing a role in her sense of judgement.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Ma,if you believe in God and prayers,start praying about this issue seriously since is is affecting your peace. God knows how to take care of this issue as serious as it may seem. It will be alright. Try not to think too much about it.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Five years it will be over, five years it will be over. To me that's a very long time to put up with such drama. Your son in law should seek advice from a good attorney on the way forward, there has to be a way to check that woman. As for the mother in law issue , I believe he should keep protecting his wife and enforcing the boundaries and all will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sharap there shakara! Because u dont know any shit. For abroad, in western countries it's unavoidable not to pay for child support, alimony & spousal support etc applicable in a relationship breakdown. Nothing like "talk to a good attorney."
      That's why r single & see certain types of people with crooked life, baggages etc, then u should jump & pass!!!
      After all this wife now benefited from the husband's American citizenship status to get her papers. And also enjoying the pleasures of being married to a good income earner husband. So why should the baby mama not play okoroso on the baby daddy's head???
      Ntoor!๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜› by the time he finish paying child support, then he will be retired from work! And then him & his wife will end up working to make ends meet till the age of 90 yrs abroad.
      Una dey there dey think it's fun or game to create baby mamas & illegitimate child(ren)
      At the end of the day, nobody will be smiling!!!
      It works both ways, when a man has a child(ren) somewhere & then want to be playing "happy family" with his wife at the expense of a baby mama!
      BONDING GBA KWA OKU!!!
      BONDING WITH NDI ARURU ALA & UCHU!!!

      BABY MAMAS...PLEASE KNOW UR ENEMIES & IDENTIFY THEM IN WHICH EVER GUISE THEY COME IN.
      SHIKENA!

      Delete
    2. Anon 2:25, I don't see anywhere the Poster said that the Baby Mama is responsible for his citizenship or ability to get good jobs. Don't just assume. He is American-bred.

      Mee!

      Delete
  32. Madam,

    Please u and ur daughter in America must have to learn how relate to or deal with people who are uncooperative towards you.
    Because she has knowingly with open eyes walked into a very very complicated situation, that is emotionally and financially draining. Now she must also adjust to her life as surrounded by people who are unwilling to reason well. The issue of child support will come to an end when the child turns 18. And the only thing in that regards is to bear with it for now.

    Mother in-law issue is always 1 of the biggest marital problems for many Nigerians/ African couples also like the Asians and Southern Europeans (Italy, Greece, Spanish etc)
    As a wife you must draw clear boundaries once it becomes a big discomfort for you. In order to protect your sanity and mental health. Otherwise you could be pushed to doing something diabolical or serious criminal with severe consequences too !!!!!!!
    TELL YOUR DAUGHTER TO PROTECT HER MENTAL HEALTH AND SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES WITH MOTHER IN- LAW.

    Anyway, on a lighter note, I remember watching the Kardashian show some few years back, when the mother of Bruce Jenner, came to visit the Kardashians & Jenner clan in Los Angeles. It has been quite known that Bruce's mother hated Kris Jenner so much for a very long time and it's been that way since they first met. And nothing Kris could do could impress this very...very old woman at all! Even with the arrival of the grandkids (Kendra & Kylie) and also a successful family blending of Bruce's older kids and their younger siblings and also the Kardashian kids, yet this mother in-law will not let Kris be. But at the same time she adores and loves her grandkids (Kylie & Kendal) to bits!!!
    It became a very dysfunctional and toxic environment for Kris to be around this woman and at some point, Kris made it clear too to her that she is very sorry and does not know how to please her, and it will be best if she will staying in a hotel or outside guesthouse far from her when ever when ever she comes to visit and also Kris stopped cooking for her or wasting her time to entertain her or be around her too. To protect her mental health and also remove herself for a very toxic situation. As I watched the show that day, funnily the old woman true to her manipulative and twisted games, was mocking Kris and openly bad mouthing her in front of her son, Bruce and grand kids, Kylie & Kendal to their amusement and laughter. Which Kris did not find it any funny!

    So, let you daughter learn how to deal with manipulative people & No Win situations. Or maybe she seek for professional marital counselling with her husband to learn of strategies with her husband together to deal with their family issues. I think the husband loves her and therefore the marriage is not the problem in that regards. Just only how to best deal with other forces that threatens their financial well being and also for her mental health.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Well, your son in law can opt to not take any pay raises. When he gets a yearly bonus he can have his employer cut a separate cheque for it. He could take stock options instead of pay increases if available. He would still be gaining financially, but his salary will stay the same.

    The mother in law situation is far more complex. Perhaps you can try to befriend her, invite her to come to Nigeria and spend holidays with you, or you can vacation together elsewhere. Women without an active social life seem to be the ones who are overly involved in the their children's life. Introduce her to men, so she can go on dates and have her own shit going on. Once she is distracted with her own life she will forget about your daughter and her son.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like that first paragraph

      Mee!

      Delete
  34. My take on this. It was a mistake to have a child with an African American woman. Let this be a warning to our men. Do not allow them trap you with children. It's just a way for them to milk you for several years. However, if you are genuinely married to one and have children but eventually get divorced, that's different because you know that you were a genuine family but life happened. Your son-in-law should not go out of his way to get the 13 year old daughter involved in their lives because she is being brought up by someone whose values most likely run completely parallel to theirs. They despise us Africans and will stop at nothing to destroy lives. I'll advise that they get an attorney to review the child support issue and see if they can increase the family expenses as they have more kids. Your daughter may have to stop working for a while for it to make a significant difference. This should be doable after all the baby mama is probably not working so why not your daughter. They're just using your son-in-law to fund their live style. The other alternative would be to wait 5 years when the girl becomes an adult. One thing is certain though, he should not stop paying child support arbitrarily as this can put him in trouble with the law.
    On the issue of the mother-in-law, she needs the assistance of her husband to curtail her excesses. It's her home too and her marriage. She deserves to be happy. She should also be patient and accommodating. They've come this far. It can only get better. Through it all, they should keep being prayerful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Points gotten:

      1. Your son-in-law
      should not go out of his way to get the
      13 year old daughter involved in their
      lives because she is being brought up
      by someone whose values most likely
      run completely parallel to theirs.

      2. I'll advise that
      they get an attorney to review the child
      support issue and see if they can
      increase the family expenses as they
      have more kids. Your daughter may
      have to stop working for a while for it to
      make a significant difference. This
      should be doable after all the baby
      mama is probably not working so why
      not your daughter.

      3. One thing is certain though, he should
      not stop paying child support arbitrarily
      as this can put him in trouble with the
      law.

      4. It's her home too
      and her marriage. She deserves to be
      happy. She should also be patient and
      accommodating. They've come this far.
      It can only get better. Through it all,
      they should keep being prayerful

      P.S: Post reads American not African-American Baby Mama.

      Mee!

      Delete
    2. Sharap there! Anony @ 08.02

      *** why / how could the wife there stop work? Just to spite the baby mama? Don't u consider financial impact on all of them when / if 1 person's income or earning capacity in the family is removed???
      She should destroy her own life or career for this toxic triangle? Rather why not divorce the man? And then remarry him if she wishes to again once the stormy weather is passed.
      This is a situation that has affected so many people & even my senior brother is 1 such person in America who was heavily penalized with back payment of child support for 16 years on his 2 kids. The American govt. seized over $200,000 from his assest with his current wife. When the American govt comes for a man, they don't spare his current wife's money or assets.
      Let her bear her cross!!!
      Plain & simple: single people must shine their eye well well before marrying person with baggages & drama, entanglements involving family ish that will escalate as time goes on..
      Nobody, especially an innocent woman or a wife deserves to be roped into a toxic home & dysfunctional extended family members. It is not simple as picking up your bag, or packing ur belongings & walk away from this marriage. Her own kids r now tied up too with this crazy situation.
      No wonder some people will easily retire at age of 50 or 60. While others will keep on slaving away abroad, working like jackass till they reach 80 yrs old & even they have no shishi..in savings or lifeline investments to depend on!
      This is why I SAY THUNDER HELL FIRE ANY NIGERIAN / AFRICAN PERSON OR ANY WOMAN FOR THAT MATTER DREAMING OF DOING MOTHER IN LAW UPON MY CHILDREN OR GRANDCHILDREN'S HEAD.
      The only thing they know is to come & squat in basements, pollute the house for their son in laws, or daughter in laws & bring wickedness, manipulations & a poisonous mindset into other people's marriage.

      Delete
  35. Hello Ma.
    It can be done. Her excesses can be curbed.

    Permit me to ask some questions.

    What happens if the Couple get an Apartment, put some furniture there and move few clothes there? I'm glad over there, rent can be paid monthly. They wouldn't pay for more than four months. The man would still show up there to eat but they have to put a front that they are separated for this to work. No talking to Friends or letting Mother in-law know what's going on until it's all over.
    Only thing about this is that the MIL would want to use this as an opportunity to separate them and if they've been having other problems, it could work. The Couple should be Partners in everything.

    What if the Man starts paying spousal support to his Wife legally bound, pays exactly what he gives his baby mama for their Child on each of his Children with his Wife?
    The money has to be equal on each Child. If what your Daughter wants is that the 13 year old should get less than her own kids, then that won't hold up anywhere.

    What happens when you add Baby Mama $ + Spousal Support + Child support on his Children with his Wife + his own upkeep?
    Automatically, the Child support on each Kid would reduce legally. Some men even have more kids to spite their Baby Mamas if they're not happy with her so that child support would reduce legally. They would just file that they can't afford such amount of money and the Judge would have to rule in his support because they have to give all the kids equally. except it's a Child with special needs. To cite an example, if your Daughter's Kids attend Private School and the 13 year old attends Public School, it is only right for the Baby Mama to demand equal treatment as long as your Son in Law is the one footing the bill alone without contribution from your Daughter. He would just make sure she attends as intended.
    Let me reiterate that if your Son in-law can afford more for his 13 year old, it is his moral obligation that he gives it. It is no one's business if she has other Kids for a GoodForNothing that does nothing over them.

    The MIL isn't really a problem as far as I'm concerned. Her Son should continue letting her know her boundaries. That's all


    Mee!

    ReplyDelete

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