Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmmmm........





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DISRESPECTFUL HUSBAND




Good day madam Stella....


 My husband is older than me with 9 years and makes sure I know that almost everyday. 


My issue with him is his constant disrespect of my mother. She had me young and is presently in her early fifties. My husband is almost 41. He has insulted her in 3 different instances and i am at a Point where I don't think I can handle it anymore. 


The first was when he said I talk without thinking like my mom, then we were having an argument with my mom present and as she was trying to intervene, he shouted at her wagging his fingers at her, even though he apologised later, I hated him from that moment and my resentment of him is growing every day. 


The last was when we had an issue and I hissed and walked out to the other room, he said I was hissing at my mother. I understand that arguments are not new in marriage but is it fair to always involve my mom? I am hating him everyday and I hope I don't do the unthinkable to him one day. Thank you.



*Looks like you also do not have any respect for your husband right?Think about it and try to change your approach to how things are in your Marriage,its not about his age or your mother's age.....I am not in support of him disrespecting your mum but your character towards him is also zero.....Check yourself because if you leave this one,you might fall into the same routine of having men disrespect you....
Arguments are not new in Marriage but they can be avoided or weathered down to avoid escalation.....

174 comments:

  1. Stella! Forever siding with men over women when issues arise. Poster it seems like your mother and yourself rely on your husband for upkeep or she has made herself overly familiar with him? Try and avoud arguing in front of third parties. Also speak to him about it when there is peace btn u. But stella i am also curioys. I notice u r harsher on women than men. What is the issue?

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    Replies
    1. I don't know what you people are saying, which one be "she probably disrespects her mum that's why he does the same" as my month sharp reach my hubby can never say anything. there no reason for anyone to disrespect his inlaw, even if he is feeding them. I don't even know what most of you mean by he isn't her mate, why did he marry her since he needs to marry a grandmother before he respects her....rubbish

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    2. Its not about being harsh. Women we too dey overdo sometimes n still expect a pat on d back.


      Poster whether ur husband is older than u 9yrs or 1sec learn to respect him. In my 30yrs of living with my parents there was NEVER a time my mum hissed or walked out on my dad despite shes d hot one. They were married 37yrs b4 my dad passed.

      Personally I hate that with a passion. Hiss n walk away.u dont do that.

      Ur husband too get him own 4 body. Does he ve prob with ur mother? Y attribute every of ur bad vices to ur mum? This is where I feel ur pain. Bottom line, u both need to sit n talk deeply.

      Loosen up hun. B calm. Relax. Wake him up at night n speak to him calmly about how u feel. While at it, release ur FEMININE charms thats if u still care abt ur marriage.

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    3. A man can only have the guts to disrespect ur family only wen u open up to how ur family is and has been. Be careful what u tell ur spouse cos he will surely use it against u, no go dey stupidly inlove begin spill wetin u no suppose spill cos na u go take the heat later.

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    4. Stella I don’t understand u. Couples argue all the time. So he’s allowed to talk to her how he wants but she should argue with him with respect??? I don’t get. Try to explain more. I’ve been happily married for 18years and when we argue we talk to each other any how we want to. We trade insults anyhow and my husband is 10yrs older than I am. So she should control herself while angry and he should not? Waiting for ur explanation I beg. U know u r my fave blogger so I need to understand u.

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    5. Poster your husband lack manners and respect women. However speak to him about it and hope he will change.

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  2. You and your husband have a problem, u guys fit each other, two sharp tongued people, I won't be surprised if u talk to mom anyhow n he knows hence the liver to bring ur mom into your tantrums.

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    Replies
    1. BB you are not far from the truth. okwu gi kwu oto ka cigar

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    2. I always say it.
      Having your inlaws respect your spouse and your spouse respect your inlaws is dependent largely on You.

      Your spouse will MOST LIKELY treat your family the way you portray/treat them. Be careful what you say about them to your spouse...

      No matter the rift, you both should never have had a fight in front of your mom.
      Sentiments will start flying and terrible seeds are sown and the fruits will be painful to swallow.

      You both can't be hot. Someone has to learn to be calm while the other rants and rave.

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    3. Them say for fight you go pinch person for where go pain am. You hissed and walked away to hurt him and he brought in your mum to hurt her. Both of you are wrong but your horseband is wronger, the wrongest of all was wagging his finger at your mum. Who does that? he should have hissed and walked away too.

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    4. Stella your advice are starting to make sense... Wetin Happen? Did Angel wisdom fall on you?

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    5. Poster if he insults your mother, insult his own mother back. FULL STOP.
      Me I don't know what Stella is saying.
      Give it back to him hot. He will stop it with time

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    6. What sort of hog wash am I reading on this blog??? I rarely comment but this is nonsense. My wife is 12years younger. She always says it that I never make her feel that much younger, and she shows me a lot of respect,i don't have to and have never demanded it. Our age difference shouldn't be a point of reference for respect, as husband and wife we are supposed to show each other respect and regard period! Which one is I am 9 years older.

      Then I am seeing some comments about her mother interfering and she picking her mother over her marriage, and asking what her mother is doing in her matrimonial home?? Clearly most people making these comments are either not married or in dysfunctional marriages. Her mother trying to calm a heated argument is interference?? Would she just stand there and watch until it gets to blows?? .... About she choosing her mum over marriage... NO! She is choosing self respect and the respect for the woman that birth her and raised her over condescending comments about her mother. She should be rubbished just because she wants to stay married...see talk.

      I once made a snort remark about my wife's mum, it wasn't even a direct insult, and she cleared me immediately, that she didn't come to use her mum to marry, this is someone that doesn't have a good relationship with her mum... Well I never tried it again.... Then as to the question as to why the mother is in the house, what if there's unavoidable reason for her being there, is that enough reason to insult her, abi you don't don't know it she is the MOTHER of your wife??

      And Stella all wives in the world have in one way or the other hissed and possibly walked away in the middle of an argument.

      My Conclusion.
      Poster! Your husband is petty and quite disrespectful. And has to be handled carefully... For a while at least. Talk to him a few times, specifically after any incidence where your mum. Is insulted, if he persists, use the Neurons 3rd Law of motion. That states: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction... I am just kidding don't do this please, would probably strain the marriage further. If it does happen again, report him to his own parents... So it is on record, in case you lose your cool some day.

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    7. Never get into the routine of just looking calmly whilst someone rants and raves at you. It is abusive. Learn how to have conducive arguments. No need for shouting . Being shouted at and called names eventually affects your psyche and makes you into a shell of a person .

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    8. Both of you should learn to respect each other. Next time know what you will tell your husband about your mother so that he won't use it to abuse you both.

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    9. Respect is obviously lacking from both parties. I think you both should work on that..... it is well with your home

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    10. Anon 19:14, may enrich u more in knowledge... Don't mind those bvs that dish out advice they can never take.
      Insult my mother and I will deal with you... Nonsense with ingredients...

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    11. This is a very mature and intelligent response. Thank you sir for your response. Makes sense and I learnt a few things too.

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    12. Abeg anon 19:14 do you have a single brother that has the same mindset as you ...you are woke...asking a sister😁

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    13. @Femilicious...i actually do... Lol

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    14. Shey u see? Some women actually think that men are stupid babies with no sense of right or wrong.The kind of nonsense women take all in the name of being married. Can she say that about his own mother without all hell breaking loose? A man can only disrespect you to the extent which you allow. Oga @anon 19:14, may your home remain blessed. He's a man oh, not a woman, if not with what he typed up there, they would have termed her a bad, abi 41st century wife, or a frustrated single who should wait till marriage to understand what's being said.

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    15. @femiliciious...tell 'your sister's that I actually do... Lol

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    16. Anon 19;14.. U are obviously a woman pretending to be a man..I read through all d things u said ,d tone of ur writing is feminine..No man will write such except he is a she-male or d wife is d bread winner of ur family.
      Don't come here and deceive gullible women that u are a male when u are a female using a Man as a cover up so that d foolish women will believe it's written by a man..No man will advice a woman to challenge the husband back no matter d level of provocation..So keep ur lies to urself..
      U are d one from a dysfunctional home for going to dis length to stress home ur frustration..If u are from a bad home or have a bad marriage,deal with ur problem and leave us out of ur lies

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    17. Anon 19.14 thank u. Which wife has not hissed and walked out on her husband? In fact which husband hasn’t not shouted at his wife? All na part of marriage and now Stella says she’s disrespectful?? I vex o. Anon u really sabi marriage joo. So as man dey shout u go just take am patiently cos u be wife? Hian

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  3. Stella has hit the nail on the head, the tone of your story show you also look for trouble. Check yourself first.

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    Replies
    1. Poster your husband is just childish gaskia. He reminds me of when we're growing up. Once someone you're older than insult you,you will in turn insult someone older than you in their family. Your husband is very childish, tell him to grow up.

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    2. Yaba left escapee27 February 2019 at 16:33

      Stella has hit which nail on which head?
      How much insults can one swallow from man before you "unconsciously" fight back in a sibtle way?
      Why attack the mother? Cus he knows it'd really hit her hard... its been ongoing like a chorus and just when she hissed & walks away, y'all tag her rude & disrespectful?? Who knows what he said b4 reflex kicked in & she did that..... we all have a breaking point.

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    3. Yaba left escapee27 February 2019 at 17:00

      Subtle*

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    4. Yaba left you’re right. When a man keeps using what he knows hurts his wife as a leverage in an argument it calls for concern if he cares about her at all. Fights and arguments are inevitable in a marriage but you must never hit your partner below the belt. You address the issues and leave each out of it let alone your families.
      I used to think that much older men made the best husbands but the chronicles I’ve been reading in this blog shreds that theory apart every time.
      Poster my advice to you is to try to keep the peace as much as you can then if he disrespects your mum again, use all that anger you’ve been storing to shred him apart with your mouth. You’re a woman and he can’t outtalk you. Bring out the crazy in you and show him Shehu with your words. Use his own mum, dad, everything in your arsenal. I assure you that after that fight, he’ll never disrespect your mum again. If your mum were that bad then he has an affinity for bad products rubbish.

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    5. I disagree with Stella. Haba!! The man is highly disrespectful; wagging fingers at his mum in law, you sure say that one no go slap person one day?

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  4. Your husband doesnt only not respect you,he also does not respect your mum. One reason,which can never be justifiable,might be because the age difference between him and your mum isnt much.
    Another reason could be that you may have told him things about your mum that arent very pleasant. Is he the sole provider? Are you and your mum dependant on him?. This is clearly a case of see finish sha.

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    Replies
    1. Bottom line is the man is rude. My grandma was close in age to my father but my father never insulted her till she died. Even if you don't respect the age, you should respect the position. She's MIL for gods sake

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    2. Anyn 15:07 you are with she not respecting her own mother and he is watching. You are also rude to him and he is getting back at you. Try and be soft please except you are in the league of the women that claim "I won't take nonsense from any man" then you should be looking at divorce. So many men won't bend.

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    3. So the part you guys saw was her hissing. This man is very rude, and disrespectful for Christ sake. Girl is properly tired from the disrespect. When people constantly disrespect you, it gets to this point you gradually start not having much respect for them anymore. This man has no respect for himself.

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  5. If you know you hate your husband then the right thing to do is to leave the marriage,dont stay in a marriage that might make you end up in jail (because you might harm your husband one day).

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  6. Stella where you take see this wisdom?
    Tuale for you
    as I dey read the chronicle my belle bin don dey hot, comot smoke for my nose like say make I dash the man manual reset but as I jam your comment na im the thing kill the fire wey dey my belle

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    1. Poster next time he insults your mum, tell him you don’t blame him but yourself for marrying someone who should have been your father in law. Mad man.

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  7. How did Stella conclude that she doesnt have respect for her husband? The hissing & walking away part? Who knows what he said..... besides resentment has already been built inside her, instead of doing something she'd later regret, isnt it better she walks away?
    Poster, wheres your dad or brothers? Tell him to direct all the insults to you & leave your mum alone or your dad & brothers will hear it.

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    1. I know right. Hissing after all the crazy things he said. How is that being a disrespectful person.

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    2. The way u people mislead married women on dis blog eh..And some of u are single and miserable..U singles are filled with wisdom on how to handle a husband hut u did not use that wisdom to get urselves a husband..

      Stella who has been marrried for like 15yrs or thereabout has given her an advice as a married woman who know what's up and all of u here are against her..SMH!

      The woman is probably rude for hissing at her husband..It's disrespectful to hiss at anyone no matter what..If d man had said something bad to her she would have mentioned it in her story..She kept that info away bcos she know she will be roasted here for hissing at her husband over a trivial issue..

      The reason why d husband is always insulting the mom is bcos d mom must have done something bad to him in d past..she must have insulted him before or that he heard d mother was a bad wife to her husband and always feel d woman is misleading her daughter..Or maybe d mom refused u marrying him initially and d man hasnt forgotten d rejection..
      Why is d mom in ur house when u were quarreling? Who/what caused the quarrel in d first place? What did ur mom do/say at dat moment that made him wag his fingers at her? Did she insult him? There is more to dis story than meets the eyes.. I have seen places where men are disrespectful to their MILs bcos of one of these reasons I stated above..U and ur mom shout search urselves and know what u did to that man to warrant such disrespect..

      As for d age difference,it's not much..9yrs difference is no big deal..Many girls marry men who are 20 or 30yrs older than them,even men who are older that their parents but the husband still respect their parents.. U are not a kid..A 32 yrs old woman. Should know how to handle her home..
      Ur husband is not innocent too and I'm not trying to exonerate him,but u and ur mom should know how to respect him too so that he will respect two of u..Ur mom should stop coming to ur house for now except during omugwo and stop gossiping about ur husband to her in his presence..If u have a story to tell her,wait till he leaves for work before u make dat call..

      If u still hate him like u stated,pls divorce him before u stab him one day and end up in jail .Dat ur mom u are protecting will be heartbroken to see u in jail..Be guided!

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    3. Babyfire you are very stupid. Sing and bitter my ass. The man is wrong and the lady resvted like a human being. You can say it's wrong to hiss hut how wrong is it to hiss at someone disrespecting you and your mother. Is Stella's husband abusing her or her mother?

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    4. Baby fire, you don't have one sense in your head. This man is so wrong. So in your mind he disrespected the woman, because she has insulted him the past? Smfh..Why did he apologized later then? I don't know how some of you think. Ok, then the poster also hissed, cos the man probably hissed in the past. What kind of man is this? He has no respect for himself. No matter how not normal you are, you won't fight Infront of your in law. This man has no shame. If this poster insults her in law in her face, na divorce be that..but this man insults her in law, and this woman is still being blamed.

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    5. Aunty marriage counselor of the married women committee of Nigeria clap for your self, so one has to be married to have sense? no honey you don't, you just have to know what you deserve which is respect, so because he is old he shouldn't respect his wife or her mum? she shouldn't hiss at someone that insulted her mum? she's the disrespectful one for walking away, I am sure you will be happy if she stood there to bow her head and receive all the insults, rubbish mentality. marriage is not a do or die affair, and yes I have been married for half of how long stella has been married.
      any man that disrespects his mother inlaw doesn't respect his own mother, cuz you actually can't give what you don't have.

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    6. This Baby fire very senseless annoying human.. u dont have one sense at all.. see the kind yeye advice you spewing out. Your mum should sit down let your husband insult her, thats if you are married oh mtcheeeewss i wonder how some people can be so daft with sawdust brain

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  8. Your 🐴 band is a crazy man. Does age put food on the table.

    My dear next time don't talk back. Behave like mumu, he will get tired.

    This one marriage come tire you, you sure you go continue.

    Too many demons attacking marriages and manipulating husband or wife.

    Marriage is for enjoyment not for endurement.

    It is well with you. You need to purge your mind of

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    Replies
    1. I love u dear..why u go de marriage de watch your every move..forever is too long to not be free living. Stress of kids and their future is enough strain in marriage. Why add mumu thing like age and insultg

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    2. My dear she should behave like a mumu ooo and then know his mumu button. Many don't know mumu buttons that is why there is trouble.

      When they saw you the first day and they could not rest until you become their wives that is when you are supposed to know the mumu button.

      Mba today chyking is fuck I fuck

      Delete
  9. Most times when I have arguments with my husbands he insults all my family members, but bcos I don't really insult him I will stylishly be insulting his own family too, every family has their own issue, anytime he insults your mum look for something negative his family and use it to abuse him too, Rubbish.

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    Replies
    1. Lol one should cultivate that rule. Don't ever bring ones family into ur matters.

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    2. My husband never disrespect my family and I dont do the same to his,if I disrespect him,he should disrespect me too not my families.. The day u insult my mother,I will insult your own too..mama no pass mama abeg..the man is rude..so she hiss at him and he said she hiss at her mother,really,why not hiss back..

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    3. Any time my hubby insults my family member I always return the favour. So poster stop sulking n always make sure u return d favour ten times over

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  10. sdk i totally disagree. the man is a foolish disrespectful idiot. respect is reciprocal mhen you cant disrespect my mom and expect me to respect you and ur mom. infact u must be mad to think u can even point ur useless hands on my mother and expect me to let is slide. if u like be methuselahs age mate amma give it to u hot hot.

    these are the sort of men that push women into lacing their husbands food with shayin kpera instead of yaji.


    woman tell him how you feel and if he doesnt stop give him a tastw of his own medicine but be wise about it. dont do it in the presence of his mother or better bruise his ego alittle bit. shameless man.

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    Replies
    1. Marriage makes you brothers and sister, friends, gossipmate, enemies...Infact you guys would see everything n urself quarrel and settle

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    2. Do me I do u..
      If I insult u,insult me not any of my families.. The day u insult my family u just sold ur own to me...or until he slap her oneday?

      Delete
    3. Thank you finny. My own horseband will even abuse my dead parents over an issue that has nothing to do with them. But when I dealt with him, I mean gave him a very bitter taste of his own medicine, he answered "Ekwusigo" by force. If you know you know. Some men are so mean, if you leave them, they will drive you crazy.

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  11. So because she hissed and walked out she has no respect for him. Na wa oh. Women have suffered . It's alwasy our fault .hmmm

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    1. I'm telling you. Women have really suffered.. I dont even know what stella is yarning. Please reapect is reciprocal!!

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  12. hmmmm
    na wa ooo
    I thought ladies said older men are sweet, wise and caring.
    ngwa just negodu nonsense reading bikonu..

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    Replies
    1. yes when they have money and are not petty,arrogant and senseless like this poster husband.

      Delete
  13. Why not treat ur husband like you would your biological Father?! There will be peace in the home front if U try THIS.. Argue with a sense of respect please, U dont need to walk out on him. simply ignore and zone out if you dont wanna hear what hes saying to U... Better still, call for divorce if U cant stand him anymore, do not allow the devil lure U into murder.

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    Replies
    1. So when he's insulting her she should stand and be listening. U try

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    2. My father does not gbensh me..my father does not call me baby...a husband should be your best friend and there should be respect BTW u too..the man should respect the woman... Ogini no be only father. Jeeez take this marriage thing like its big work

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    3. Anon 15:21 its advice like this that have gotten people killed in the heat of an argument. You are telling her not to walk away when that's what should be done as the atmosphere is already heated up

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    4. Is he her biological father? How can she treat a man she have sex with, plans with, have kids with as her biological father? Honestly, I don't know how some of you think? With this kind of thinking, how will any man treat you with respect? How can somebody have a normal conversation with you? Mu 3gyimi gyimi too much.

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    5. Pls get that'solomon capsule'for this guy. Pls poster return d favour to ur husband.

      Delete
  14. Madam Stella I don't buy into this your advice. Argument is bound to happen in marriage I understood that but insulting her mother is out of it. The horseband should know when to draw the line. Again we don't know what the man did that steer up her anger that make her to hiss. Nigerian men can be so annoying at times that you would want to end the marriage immediately.

    As far as I am concerned the day my husband open his mouth to insult my mother hell will let loose...
    I will deal with him with my last drop of blood.

    I loved my mother so much that when she died last year I nearly ran mad. People in my were just were just staring at me wondering what ws happening to me then because I became the shadow of my self. In fact till now I mostly cry to bed and woke up with tears in my eyes.

    Instead of my husband to insult my mum its better he beat the hell out of me than insult my mother... Yes I am that obese with my mum...

    I can't trade my mother for anything nothing even marriage. You married me not my mum.

    Poster the next time he try such shit with you insult his mother too so that it will teach him a lesson. You can't carry like a pitch of salt and expect me to carry you like a bag of rice

    Long hiss....

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    Replies
    1. This your response got me teary @DG. God bless you for this comment��������

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    2. When it come to issues that concern my mum most especially like the one this poster posted, "hubby pointing finger at my mother's face right in my present" I bet with you with my life I will give that demented horseband a dirty slap and insult his ancestors. Yes I can be that rude when it comes to anything that concern my mum. And I will never forgive him.

      Thank God my hubby can never try such shit with me....

      Must you insult my mum before you correct me? Forgetting that no one is perfect.

      Nonsense!

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    3. Thanks alot , but that ws what I meant to write because despite the fact that she is late I couldn't love her less that's why I used the word "obese".

      Delete
  15. Madam if I may ask how did you present your mother while dating this man? Some of you talk down about your parents when you are dating a man and expects them to treat them differently

    Some even behave rudely to their parents in present of their spouses and expect other wise, it doesn't work that way.

    If you rubbish your parents before your bf expect worst when you marry
    One thing is for sure,that boldness came from somewhere.

    Or do your mum depend on him?
    Anyways you need to put him in his place.

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  16. Madam Stella I don't buy into this your advice. Argument is bound to happen in marriage I understood that but insulting her mother is out of it. The horseband should know when to draw the line. Again we don't know what the man did that steer up her anger that make her to hiss. Nigerian men can be so annoying at times that you would want to end the marriage immediately.

    As far as I am concerned the day my husband open his mouth to insult my mother hell will let loose...
    I will deal with him with my last drop of blood.

    I loved my mother so much that when she died last year I nearly ran mad. People in my were just were just staring at me wondering what ws happening to me then because I became the shadow of my self. In fact till now I mostly cry to bed and woke up with tears in my eyes.

    Instead of my husband to insult my mum its better he beat the hell out of me than insult my mother... Yes I am that obese with my mum...

    I can't trade my mother for anything nothing even marriage. You married me not my mum.

    Poster the next time he try such shit with you insult his mother too so that it will teach him a lesson. You can't carry like a pitch of salt and expect me to carry you like a bag of rice

    Long hiss....

    Mrs Stella pls post am vibrating here..

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  17. Poster this is bad advice. It can break your home

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  18. There’s a cycle to this thing. Address your husband with respect and he’ll treat you with love

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    Replies
    1. Yaba left escapee27 February 2019 at 16:42


      You think that shit works with all men? So many men out there, the moment they see you kneel to serve them food in a tray, they'd request for a massage while they read newspaper... not all men reciprocate love, they embrace that & take advantage of you, the trick is knowing your man & regulating

      Delete
  19. but why did u marry some 1 with almost a decade older that you, you marry Mpa,treat him like one

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    Replies
    1. Yaba left escapee27 February 2019 at 16:43

      Worst comment ever!!!!

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    2. Can u really stop sounding childish all d time? Is d woman a baby? She is 32yrs and not a child herself..Young girls of 18/20yrs are marrying 28/30yrs old guys and no one complains about it...and a 32yrs old woman is married to a 41yrs old man and u are calling him mpa..How do u mean? Was she supposed to marry a 32yrs old man that will look like her younger brother?

      If she had married a 29yrs old man when she was 20yrs,by now her husband will still be 41 and she will be 32..
      Most 20/21yrs old girls that married 10/15yra ago,their husbands are in their 40ys now and they too are in their 30s..

      I hate it when single 30something yrs old women sees 40something yrs old men as too old for them..Are they thinking they are still in their 20s?
      Even young girls in their 20s are marrying 30/40somthjngs yrs old men with no complaint..na all these 30somthing yrs old grown ass women that are comparing age when their own biological clocks are ticking..

      I know some women that married men in their age bracket but it's not a must that u will find urs..It's only few 30something yrs old women that are lucky to find men their age..If any single 30somthing yrs old woman sits around waiting for a 30something yrs old man too,then she might end up not finding any..Most guys in their early/mid 30s go for 20something yes old girls..
      So grab d one available and stop judging people based on their age when u sef no be spring chicken.

      Delete
  20. The male privilege in Nigeria sha. A man will insult his mother in law and nothing will happen. Infact mother in law and wife will beg him. If a girl insults her mother in law, marriage has ended. Infact even if it's boyfriends mother. Relationship will end.

    Poster, this is very reconciliable differences. Unless there's sth frustrating him, more warmth, love and togetherness can cure this. And seems your Mum living with you is getting him worked up.

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    Replies
    1. Na real male privilege. Poster ur husband is childish and petty. Sorry. Even if he is feeding ur mother he has no right. Is he the first? He’s a child that just it

      Delete
  21. poster you are part of the problem.i guess from beginning,before you married him,you said so many unpleasant things about your mum to him,so he is just using it against you.you should also learn to control yourself even if he is older than you with 9yrs,that doesn't mean that he should treat you that way.my hubby is 13years older than me and he respects my parents and doesn't take me for a ride because when we were dating,i portray my family in a good manner.please take Stella's advice and don't talk back at him.you can always talk to him when he is calm.cheers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How did you know she said so many pleasant things about her mom? Where you dere or you just decided to jump into conclusions

      Delete
  22. Some men take this age thing too seriously... OK remembered when my elder bro who is older with 5yrs always harasses me that I don't respect him...but dh is way older an dhe has never made m efeel he is older. But I sure know e is boss

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yoruba people no de joke with age oh, even if na 11months they want maximum respect from u, prostrate n greet them

      Delete
    2. Anonymous I'm Yoruba but I don't give 2 fucks about any foolish respect. I believe respect is reciprocal. Learn not to always generalize.

      Delete
  23. Stella are you saying being rude to her husband justifies the husband being disrespectful to her mum? That's a hard no for me. Whatever goes on in ones marriage, it's absolutely wrong for either party to involve and even insult the others parent. That's the height. What if she insults his mum same way too, will he be able to take it?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Stella this your talk no gel at all.no matter what the husband has no right to be rude to that woman.if the wife is rude to him,he should face her not the mother.

    ReplyDelete
  25. If you like, allow your loyalty to your mother scatter your marriage. She had you young, so? So, it was painful to you that he referred to your mother when you walked out on him, but he should have been jumping for joy that you did such to him? Can't you see he's doing it on purpose - he knows your mother is your trigger point! You want your husband to honour you when you put your mother above him. You're joking because he will go out of his way to make you miserable, just because he can. Some Nigerian women are stupid, sha. You want your husband to choose you above his mother but you want to call your mother on your head in your marriage. Lol. See how your village demons are dancing skelewu on your marriage matter and you're providing them the dance steps. If you like, don't pray to God to help you fix your marriage; you will soon return to your mother's house. And before you ask, yes I am a woman and very married.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So ur husband insults ur mother while u just watch and say nothing because u want to remain married?πŸ™„ Enjoy ur marriage ma

      Delete
    2. Best comment/advise.

      Delete
    3. Some Nigerian woman are stupid and you are sitting on that table comfortably as the chairlady

      Delete
    4. Mrs. Sharon Aminu -

      1) my husband & I rarely argue
      2 my mother is not in my marital home, interfering with my marriage and fanning crisis. I can't even imagine it; that can NEVER happen as I'll pack her out myself
      3) the day my MIL tried herself, it ended with her being physically removed by one elder that just happened to come from the village. Till today, her daughters are still suffering the repercussions, as the news that her son + the elder have spread in their village is that my MIL is a troublemaker that came to worry her son & his wife. One good turn will always deserve another
      4) Genesis 2:24 & Matt 19:6 are not mere suggestions in my home. My husband is the one that I have a covenant with & vice versa. Therefore, as long as he hasn't committed a sin or a crime, my loyalty is to him. I will voltron on his matter. Every other relation is & will always be secondary to "us". I don't put my husband in a position where he feels like he has to compete with my mother, therefore he can't listen to any demon telling him to lash out at me the way the poster's husband is obviously doing

      Delete
    5. Anon 15:42 you're very silly for d nonsense you wrote.
      In fact something is terribly wrong with you.
      So because she wants to stay married, she should kneel down and thank d man for insulting her mum.
      So what if d marriage scatters? Is that d end of d world?
      I know your type, marriage is ur only achievement in life so u don't mind dying in it.

      Delete
    6. Anon 17:21 lol. Why don't you help her file for divorce? She's already indicated that she's tired of the marriage, please collect her details and do pro bono divorce for her quick quick. Man-hating, battered, bitter divorcee forming faceless online feminist! That a man beat you out of a marriage doesn't mean other women are being beaten or subjugated, you hear? I know your type; always on the defensive and looking for men to punish cos of one man from their past. Some of us don't have anything to prove to silly bints like you - we're very accomplished in our careers (which actually consists of dealing with people like you) and we're totally pampered in our marriages. Sorry dear, if you like vibrate till you have an epileptic fit - to me, the only person that comes before my husband is God Himself.

      Delete
    7. Seems you're the stupid one here though. Carry husband for head like gala.. mtscheeewe

      Delete
    8. Anon 18:28...U are wise..Dats a savage reply..Don't mind all these bitter women on dis blog always bashing men at a slight opportunity..if u check well,d bitter anon might be in a miserable marriage but couldn't walk away or a divorcee..She wants other women to be like her thinking all men are like d man that made her miserable.I pity any married woman seeking advice from bitter divorcees and single ladies.

      Delete
    9. This anon is the most stupid person I have ever come across on this blog... Is that how cheap and worthless you are? Where is your pride and dignity as a woman? Oh you have lost it ever since you married your husband right? Who bewitch you like this that you have to underrate the woman that brought you to this life? Even in the Quran, God called mothers 3 consecutive times before he called fathers. It is also stated that your relationship between you and your mother determine your hereafter. God also stated that if your mother is not happy with you, no matter how you worship him you have no reward here on heart and hereafter.

      If you value your mother you can never watch your hubby insult your mother right in your present and award him an accolades for doing that. From the shit your wrote up there, it's obvious you don't value your mother.... Nonsense!

      Delete
    10. Ode, must you bring in feminist?? You sound bitter and sad..

      Delete
  26. Sisi, tell your mother to gerrout of your marriage!
    It is either you are devoted to your husband or your mother.
    The God you folks chant about here said that;
    a man leaves his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two
    become one flesh.
    You are not "one flesh" with your mother; are you?
    If your mother leaves your marriage, she will be respected.
    As it is, she is courting disrespect. Allow your husband to be the captain of
    his ship.
    I've always said it here. A lot of ladies here prepare for wedding but not marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chai! We must be twins! This Bible some women claim to read, eh? Man should leave and cleave, but wife should bring all her relations. And I don't understand any mother - whether husband's or wife's - that will see their presence is causing problems yet still stay there. See women vibrating on this post cos it's the woman's mother, not the husband's own.

      Delete
    2. So how is her mother in the marriage? She should allow the husband continuously disrespect her mother just cause she's married to him. Na wa oh! From this statement one can easily deduce the kind of marriage you have. If you read that Chronicle with understanding which i doubt you have she never said her mom stays with her but he makes such statements and the once it happened in her presence the woman could have come visiting and it's normal for a mother seeing a conflict between two people she sees as her children will try to intervene. M sure if your husband disrespects your family you won't be happy with that

      Delete
    3. If it's a man that sent in dis chronicle and complain about how d wife is disrespecting his own mother,all d bitter women here will insult him and advice him to tell his mom to stay away from his wife/marriage and remind him that Bible said a man should leave his father and mother and cling onto his wife blah blah blah..
      Now that it's d other way round,nobody remembered to give her d same advice..Many hypocrites here..I wonder why 80% of naija women are bitter at men..

      Delete
    4. Baby fire, where did the mother disrespected the man? Can't you read? It is the man who constantly insults his wife's mom, even when the woman has done nothing to him, and is not even around. SHE said, what hurts her the most is when the man insulted the woman in her presence. Which rightfully thinking man will fight her wife In front of his in law? Where do you girls meet these bush men?.

      Delete
  27. Infact i remember when my hubby wanted to use divorce as a thing of my family. I reminded him dat his mother and father werent talking to eachother even when he was on his dying bed. So who is divorce inclined more? He shut up after that day and never mentioned dat shit again. Use his ancestral family problem to yab him. He will keep quiet. Nonsense

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚@ancestral family problem.
      You're right, that's some men for u, they think they can yab, not knowing that we women were created for that.
      That was how my husband wanted to start yabbing me that I wasn't a virgin when he met me, therefore I'm unfaithful. I had to remind him dt his unmarried sister just recovered from complications from D&C.
      Meanwhile they were keeping it as a family secret saying she had appendix ish, baba didn't know dt I snooped and saw d info on their family grp chat.

      Delete
  28. Poster your horse and is not okay. How dare him insult your mother, which rubbish age difference will make him disrespect your mother, even if he clothes or feed her. Anytime he insults your mother, insult his mother too back, you can’t disrespect mine while I respect yours

    ReplyDelete
  29. Check deep down if the fault is from you but if it's otherwise, mention his own mother whether late or alife, some men can be so arrogant and full of ego

    ReplyDelete
  30. Please, there is not arguments/fights in marriage always.
    I've been married for more than ten yearn and my husband and I have
    never argued.
    You lie on the mat the way you place it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That you have never argued with ur husband since u got married doesnt mean others don't and it also doesn't mean that their own married is bad.. All marriages are not d same..so don't use ur own to judge another person's marriage..Give her ur advice and leave ur perfect marriage out of if..Yes I have seen many perfect marriages so I am not doubting urs.

      Delete
    2. I hope you are not the slave or the breadwinner...poor men are loyal

      Delete
  31. You both lack respect for each other. My husband is in his early 40s and am in my early 30s, he is the most respectful person I have ever come across, even my dad that is older than him accord him respect and he can't talk about my parents anyway.him chop winch

    ReplyDelete
  32. Stella na wa for you o. What has the story narrated have to do with she not having respect for her husband. Shebi na 2 fighting. Poster if he insults your mother , tell him iyalababa e and so on.... nonsense illmannered man

    ReplyDelete
  33. The man should respect the mother no matter the way she placed her. Even in heated argument he should know better, because he's way older. He should have wisdom.. When I got married I wasn't talking to my mom, but my husband made sure I settled with her, not minding all the rubbish I said about her in anger and till date, he has not used any of my word to insult my mom, that's maturity.. The posters husband is not mature at all..

    ReplyDelete
  34. Poster, you and your hubby should check yourselves and change any negative characters both of you might have

    ReplyDelete
  35. Your husband is rude and immature. Forget about his age.there is marriage without issue. Disrespecting anytime you have issue with him is very wrong.
    Let him know how you feel about it when he is in a good mood. If he refused to stop then tell him what will pain him too about his family so that he knows how painful it is. Nonsense. Is it your mum that is the cause of your argument with him?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Pls u guys should trash that, Wht u told him abt ur mum is wht made him act that way...a well brought up n respectful man will nt insult her senior as a sister or brother,talk more of ur mil,if u can insult ur in-law,u can also insult ur mother.so poster talk to him abt it..so that when he repeats it n u react...he won't pick offence

    ReplyDelete
  37. Bottom line, don't sell your family out to your spouse. package them well well and also let them respect your space to avoid see finish.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Madam, it's not age. A lot of people who were raised by a single parent, are attached to that parents in a very unhealthy way. They go above and beyond to compensate for the parent having to raise them alone. And when they get married, they try to drag their spouse into a compensation plan that is really none of their business. You didn't say where your father is, so I'm guessing he's not in the picture. You feel guilty because you think you owe your mother more than you do. And the fact that your husband isn't buying into that, is what is really annoying you. As long as there was no threat of violence, your mother had no right whatsoever to intervene in your argument with your husband - married couples argue. I would be pissed if my husband's mother interfered in an argument between my husband and I, cos as long as we're not killing or beating each other, it's really none of her business. If your marriage is to survive, you and your husband need to remove third parties and your resentment (he also resents you).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you'll be pissed if an elderly person intervenes in an argument happening in her presence. Sigh

      Delete
    2. Anon 16:08...You dont have sense at all.

      Delete
  39. Sweetheart, marriage is a union between man and wife, the other family members should support without undue interference. Your husband is the king of your heart and your home, if you don't feel that way it means you made the wrong choice. That's why the importance of choosing the right partner cannot be over overemphasised.

    If you want your marriage to work, you have to work at it. I don't know if you ever told your hubby stuff about your mum because one fundamental mistake most ladies make under the guise of "he is my best friend", is they tell the men they are dating or married to way too much about some negative stuff their mum, dad or siblings did. Forgetting that the day you guys have a quarrel, those secrets will be used against you. You must be very careful what you tell your husband about your family, no matter how close you guys are.

    I'm not sure what your mum is doing in your house but unless she's there to babysit, she shouldn't be visiting too frequently. Harsh but true. Darling, I know she is your mum, probably the person who loves you the most but you are married, your hubby takes priority as long as you are married. Couples quarrel but like sex, it should be done in the privacy of your room. Quarrelling with your hubby in front of your mum is actually disrespectful to both your mum and your hubby. It takes two to quarrel, no? Even if your hubby starts quarrelling where your mum is, please, my darling, don't engage. Don't say a word, wait till both of you are alone. If there's only one thing you take from all I have written, let it be this, NEVER have a quarrel with your hubby in front of anyone, especially the kids.

    You have a lot of growing up to do. There's a certain level of maturity needed for a successful marriage. Forget all these talks of 50/50 in marriage or the "what about the man" arguments. Just put in the best you can in your marriage. The reason your hubby keeps reminding you of his age is probably because he feels disrespected. Sweetie, on no account should you hiss and walk out on your man. What? Are you 15 years old? That's so unbecoming of a Queen! Super unladylike. There are more mature ways of handling conflict and disputes in the home. Don't think if you do something untoward to end your marriage, you wouldn't feel the backlash. It will surprise you to know that you may even be the one who will hurt more. Don't even put that out there, that's so negative and juvenile. If your marriage means so little to you, why did you get married in the first place? Now be a good girl and go love up on that hubby of yours.

    e-hugs and kisses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ. This is the reason love you.
      Always saying it as it is.
      poster come and read this.

      Delete
    2. Ronalda your advices are usually top notch for me..but not this one. I agree she should not have hissed and walked out on him. Pls poster try not to do that to anyone not just your husband. But the whole advice you Ronalda gave, is for her to basically form ladylike so that her man will have sense. He also has the responsibility of behaving like a gentleman. He has no right to use what she said if indeed she said anything about her mum against her.

      A woman should not quarrell with her husband in front of anyone and which includes situations of when he talks or shouts at her she should keep mute but wait till they are alone in their room. All I can say is no one should heed that advice. Whether you like it or not such situations eat at your confidence and self esteem before you know it the daugther(s) will think it is ok to let a boyfriend shout at them in front of friends and strangers while she keeps mute.

      It is simply not healthy. It is better you tell her to talk to her man when they are both calm to reach an agreement of never to argue in front of anyone.


      Ada.

      Delete
    3. @Just Bella, thanks for the compliments sweetie.

      @Ada, my darling, I appreciate your input and I respect your opinion. It's always good to have different opinions, it gives more clarity. We tend to give advice based on what works for us but there are no guarantees that they will work out the same way for someone else. I think the most important rule is, know your man and what works for him.

      I pray God gives the poster the wisdom and discernment to sieve through all we have written and pick the right advice for her situation. We all mean well but our advice may actually turn out to cause more harm than good. Life is full of cruel ironies sometimes.

      Delete
    4. Ronalda good to have u back on d blog..Have missed ur wise comments and that of Bloglord..and TGW too but she tries too hard to sound nice and please BV..
      Pls don't stop giving good advice to married women of these days..I don't know what is happening to marriages nowadays..Every woman is looking for a way out over flimsy reasons..

      Delete
    5. Yes I love Rohalda. Not just for wise comments, but the delivery. Without judgement or insults. See how she made her point without referring to single ladies as bitter. Two wrongs don't make a right.

      Delete
  40. That was how my husband told me I should go and meet my mother that she does not train me well because I served his friend food 1st before him. is it bad? please enlighten me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My ex husband and his family disrespected me and my family so much. They insulted us freely. I bore, I sacrificed, I played the doormat, I fought for the marriage. The day I exceeded my breaking point, the flood gates opened. I spent the last days of my stay in that marriage replying every insult I ever got in five years with insults. There was nothing I was fighting for anymore, I had enough. Needless to say, I moved on since and no regrets. Poster, keep the option of walking away from his negativity open. It is better than doing the unthinkable

      Delete
    2. Your husband na bush man. Why didnt be serve himself?

      Delete
    3. Not really, for some people it is a sign of respect to your guest to serve them first. It all depends on the culture though, but if his friend is a dear close friend he should never have spoken to you so, he could have simply said in my neck of the woods this is how we do it, so in the future do it this way. I honestly think it was his ego at play here, maybe he felt you had some attraction to his friend why you served him first, because in truth this was a non-issue.

      Delete
    4. No it is not. In my house, the guests are served first. If your husband wants it done differently, he should say so. Homes are different

      Delete
    5. You are wrong..U should serve ur husband first before others just the way u serve ur kids food first before other kids..No matter who comes visiting,I serve my man first and his meal is always specially packed with enough orishirishi..Sometimes if he is in good mood,he will pass it over to his friend and ask me to bring another one .Daz what I grew up seeing my mother and other women do .
      Next time serve ur husband first .Though some men don't mind who was served first but Charity begins at home..
      Anytime we visit friends in their homes,their wives always bring their husband's food first before bringing ours .
      The day I went to my younger brother's house,his new wife served his food first before serving mine..I had to join my brother to eat his own before she finally brought mine..Dis is a girl of 20yrs oh..I guess she learnt from her mother..
      So apologize to ur hubby and take corrections.

      Delete
    6. Chai...we can make small things become big issues. I serve visitors first most times.....it's not a big deal. Same way you hear people fight on issues such as quantity of toothpaste used for brushing, no of eggs fried at once. Poverty is truly a bastard. We need to learn tolerance..... doing things differently doesn't mean lack of training. That just shows we all grew up in different homes. Maturity in marriage is more important than love

      Delete
  41. What did I just read?your husband disrespects your mom?what is the meaning of that rubbishhhh.Your husband does not have any right to insult your mom,is he maaaadd?poster you can marry another husband but you cannot have another mother.I don’t care what you did to him to warrant him insulting your mom,crase dey worry him head.Jisos,why are some men so badly behaved?no home training.Thunder Fire That man,and yes ,I am taking it personal.Oniranu Omo okunrin.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Lol. I see some of the comments and I smh. See women who will not take you into their homes, encouraging you to be foolish. I understand walking out to avoid something escalating, some men even leave the house during an argument for this reason. But your mind didn't tell you that hissing at someone isn't polite? Poster, what is your mother doing in your marital home? Is it omugwo or is she living with you? Where is her husband - your father?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So she can't pay her daughter a vist? Some of you are not wise at all..

      Delete
    2. So the mother can't visit or stay with them without the husband bring rude. Sigh

      Delete
  43. No matter what the wife said as long as she did/does not insult her in laws, the husband she described is an uncouth and insecure man. I have seen a married couple tell themselves "na your mama you dey talk to" but you will know it is just quarrells that are not serious cos they are as good as jokes. There are times the man gets really angry but he does not call any member of her family. He faces her squarely. I don't even really get the joking one but the serious quarrells that leads to insulting her mother is something that is totally uncalled for.

    Since you have managed to be calm about it, tell him you guys should have boundaries when you argue. If he doesn't respect those boundaries, I will advise you return the abuse just the same way with his own words.

    Just do not let this continue or even let the last one slide.



    Ada

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A man will cheat on his wife-its the woman that will take the blame
      A man will loose his job-her in laws will blame her
      A man dies from accident or sickness-they will say his wife killed him
      A man adds weight-his wife will be blamed for over feeding him as per he doesn't have brain to know when he is filled up.
      Society will blame the woman for giving birth to female children.
      Men blame us for everything and our fellow women have joined them knowing how wicked and irrational some men are.May God have mercy on us all

      Delete
    2. Best comment ever. Women we are speedily losing ourselves yet we are the first to jump on feminist wagon......****longest hiss*

      Delete
    3. @ Bibire, o toju sun mi.
      I think I want to be a man in my next life.

      Delete
  44. I totally disagree with you stella. Insulting her mum is very wrong and her mum shouldnt be brought into any drama they have. People dish out what they cant take. Can he take what he is doing to her? Couples will gave disagreement from time to time, that doesnt show a wife is disrespectful. Should there be a conduct that he/she needs to correct and an arguement ensues, does it now call for insulting the others' parents. If not for her mum who must have struggled to raise her up where e for see her marry. Thats someons child. You dont do that please.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Poster, if you had shown him madness the first time he insulted your mother, he wouldn't have tried it ever again. Both of us would have ‘died on the line’ that day if na me. Now he has crossed a line and because there were no consequences, he will continue to insult your mother and apologize. It is just like domestic violence, a man who beats you once will most likely continue unless he faces serious consequences.
    At this point, you should call him for a meeting. Tell him that you can no longer continue to have him insult your mum, he should never even mention her or refer to her in any argument. And that you will not be responsible for your actions the next time he does it. Be ready to carry out your threat oh, because he will test you again to know your threshold. When he insults your mother again, do something he will never forget, something that will shock him and pain him to his bone marrow... only you knows what that thing is.
    I won’t advice you to insult his mum back because that will just turn everything into market woman quarrel with different insults from both of you and you will still be hurting from the insults. I also didn’t say you should stab him

    ReplyDelete
  46. Poster learn to love n respect your husband please,in marriage you get what you put in.also call him to order with love but if he repeats it,retaliate.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Poster you need to use his family problem to insult him, you will see how he will go mute.

    My husband is 11yrs older than me, 1 am 32 while he is 43yrs but he looks so young. Before marriage he doesn't bother about respect thing ooo, after marriage he said I should be using "e" for him in Yoruba and also sir, I told him I can't. He now said he feels because we don't respect our men that's why we marry late in my family, yepaπŸ™†πŸ™†πŸ™†, I told him immediately that the reason your people are poor is because they are illiterate and like too much respect as if it will put food on their table ( hubby is the only rich and educated among his family). Na so he went mute.
    over a year ago that he said I don't respect him because he doesn't want me to work or do business, I said No, then he said if I think he will be like my dad that is not man enough just because he allows my mum to work and also have a supermarket. I told him I don't want to end up like his mum who is still hawking goods at 79yrs of age and more so he should have gone for his agemate if he is looking for "sir".
    Since then he never mention anything about respect or age. We went for counselling too and he has changed his mentality about the age thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow...you gave him hot hot.

      Delete
    2. Chai.... your dont lack words too oh, fireback as e de hot

      Delete
    3. You can't be a BV and not be mouthed. I don laugh tire tonight.

      Delete
    4. Ur husband is a calm man..It's not all men that will keep calm at u insulting them back like dis..Some men will take it serious oh..I have seen where it happened..Na d man insult first oh but when d woman fired back,d one she said was used against her and was tabled before her family(after he sent her packing)..It was her pastor who interveened and counseled them..They are back together now and d man still hasnt changed..His bad mouth no be for here..D woman has found a way to ignore him when he starts barking like a rabid dog..though he doesn't beat her. She will either put her earpiece and be listening to music or she steps outside till d dog stops barking..

      Delete
    5. I hope after all the hot hot words... you genuinely apologized to him. Reading this post made my heart stop beating for some milliseconds.

      To the chronicle poster;
      1) Submit
      2) Your mum should not be a regular visitor in your home.
      3) Calm down. You can’t afford to ‘shat’ when your husband is ‘shatting’. Biko everything is not ‘let’s see who can fight or say the most nastiest thing’. Forget all these people pushing you. No two home is the same. Identify what works best for you and stick to it. If it is respect he wants.... Biko respect him.

      Delete
    6. My kind of girl lol

      Delete
    7. What the hell is wrong with this Babyfire of a person? Someone narrated a story and how the whole thing ended in a win-win situation for her and her hubby, e still dey pepper you for body. Please you've stated your opinion on this issue, rest while others state theirs. Not everyone agrees with your doormat style of conflict resolution. That it works for you doesnt mean it works for others.

      Delete
  48. Nigerian men self.That was how my husband kept inferring that I had an unruly mum,when its absolutely false.I asked him nicely to stop involving my people whenever there is an argument between us cos I do not talk about his people when he gets on my nerves.Of course it fell on deaf ears.

    Few weeks later he was pissed about something I cannot remember now and rudely told me that my mom did not train me properly on how to make a good home. Mogbe!!!

    I felt so humiliated and dehumanized. But I didn't reply him immediately. After I had finished the house chores, went to the market, returned very famished. Got to the kitchen to scoop some food(indomie actually that he prepared in my absence), I realized that he ate everything and left the pots,dirty plates and utensils in the sink for me to wash as usual. I went ballistic (mind you,already I was feeling pissed at what he said earlier about my mum)

    I asked him why he didn't leave any food for me,knowing I'd be hungry as I left for the market without eating earlier. He mumbled something about what's the big deal,I should prepare something else and eat.

    I took a deep breath,looked him calmly in the face and said to him," I don't blame you,how would you know to love a woman.You weren't properly tutored by your father in the grave when he was alive. How then would you know how to show your wife love,when you didn't have an attentive father?".He went still for a long time and couldn't respond.

    That was the last day he ever spoke about my mum derogatorily. Do not ever give what you cannot take,man or woman.

    Madam Stella,please enable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chei! That was hot hot! Even me, I felt pity for him esp with the 'grave' mention.

      Delete
    2. Thank you!!! 1000000 likes!

      Delete
  49. But why would a man stoop so low as to bring up the mother of his wife in an attempt to win an argument. WTF? He is trash pure and simple. I hate ppl who go for low blows to win arguments. Some things are off limits and this is one of them. I am not sure what to tell you, because anything I will tell you will likely lead to divorce. You should ask him if he is attracted to your mother why he keeps bringing her up in the marriage, if he wish he had married her instead. Yes o, I would ask him why my mom is so on his mind if he is fantasizing about her, because only a man who wants someone keeps them on their mind so much. I don't know the length of your marriage or if you have children together, but he needs to stop what he is doing and if he won't stop insulting your mother better you leave than stay there hating him. Hate is a dangerous and toxic emotion and nobody should remain in an environment which causes this emotion to fester. You will have to leave him if your hatred keeps growing, once a spouse starts becoming the enemy you are not in a marriage anymore.

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  50. Ayele o ibosi o.

    Who runs the world? Girls?

    Beyonce, come to Nigeria, its who runs the girls? World!

    Poster, don't take your mum for granted, make sure you stand your ground politely against insults on your mum.

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  51. this chronicles remind me an incident that happened during my younger sister's wedding. my hubby contributed towards the wedding and he invited guests. my in law's were also present for the occasion. I was trying to serve my in laws food at the same time he expect me to serve is guest also u kn I can't share myself into two before u kn it, he was shouting at me and called me oponu don't kn the English word in the presence of everybody I don't kn how God did it I was calm did not even respond but I was seriously furious after wedding when we got home I called him his full name 3 times I told him the day he ever try that with me again he will regret the day he was born that I will disgrace him. OK about three month later his mum and sister came visiting I can't remember what actually happened and he said am stupid. immediately I told him u must be very stupid for telling am stupid he was shocked even his mum was surprised. he could not alter a word.i even thought when he comes back am already ready for fight but he never brought the matter up and since then he as not used bad words on me. madam, will advice u retaliate back with full force u will see he will stop.

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  52. You sound so disrespectful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don the society gives you men so many privileges which you abuse. Women are human beings who thrive on respect too. You didn't see that she is reacting? Which means her action was based on a previous action? If you want to resolve the problem from the root, then it is the man that should stop insulting her. Like she said, which he did. No human being should be disrespected and abused, even children and househelps.

      Delete
    2. Leadership by example

      Stupidity in not knowing boundaries is not excusable in marriage especially by a 'supposed head'

      Delete
  53. Poster please change the manner you use to talk to your hubby and you will have a peaceful home. Stop hating him e never reach that extent.

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  54. I believe that God knew what was He was doing when He told us to respect and revere our parents. Couples fight, lose their tempers and hurl insults at each other however, I believe that parents should be completely off limits in a verbal fight. The man is wrong. First, he is the leader of the home and should lead in respect and humility. Its sad that men only realise their authority when it suits them. At the end of the day, each party should respect the other and learn to express displeasure without insults. But If you think you can continue to insult or berate a person just coz you can, then be prepared to take whatever you see the day they decide to fight back.

    ReplyDelete

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