Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative -UPDATE

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Monday, February 04, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative -UPDATE

Hmmmmm.......





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RE- WHEN A MARRIAGE BREAKS DOWN COMPLETELY


https://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2017/12/chronicle-of-blog-visitor-narrative_16.html?m=1

Hi Stella this is my chronicles update.

Wow, where do i start, its been over a year i wrote and you posted my chronicles. So what's changed??

Despite being very pro divorce its difficult going through with one especially when kids are involved, no violence and you are married to a shitty husband but an amazing father to the kids.

Hubby got a very good job last year. Infact, changed jobs x2 in one year. The pay from the 2nd job is so much that what he gives me for the house is one and half times my monthly income. Remember we survived solely on my income for several years.

The relief of not having to stress about bills i can't really put to words.....for so long to finally experience what it means to be married to one who shoulders the home financially.

We are still amazing friends because through the ups and downs and separations, we somehow remained friends, perhaps that made living together whilst separated easy and initiating divorce difficult.

Inlaws have a higher respect for me because whilst their son is now the "breadwinner" they are also aware that i have and can run my family without aid from their son.


Sadly, i have been so used to a non sexual situation that its hard going back to that. Oga also remained faithful during that period of no sex (which was several years) and now has premature ejaculation. I have asked he seeks help which he has repeatedly declined to and thats made the marriage a platonic one.


Finally, i can still see some egoistic traits from hubby....like trying to prove hes now "a man" etc

Overall, whilst i am truly thankful for Gods blessings and answered prayers, the pains, stress, tears, struggles and all i went through to get to this point, i dont think was worth it. I think we both abhore some resentment towards each other. I feel he should have been smarter and acted faster to get a job rather than drain me completely whilst he feels i should have endured all because marriage is till death.


A huge part of me still feels i should have walked away earlier, though i am content with all thats happening, i cant help but wonder.

We are now 15 years in marriage and i am still in my early 30's and hes pushing 50....marriage is hard...



*Well,at least it worked out for you.....Congratulations.You really married quite early!
If you have an update on your Chronicle,please send it in for us to know or drop it as comment in any of the posts and i will pick it up....Thanks!

52 comments:

  1. You are still not happy dear lady........ Or, doesnt your personal happiness count at all?.....
    Best wishes though....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Disadvantage of marrying someone far older. While her hormones are raging, he is near impotent. This causes frustration. Next thing you begin to find a fault in everything he does

      Delete
    2. U are in ur 30s and ur husband is in his 50s,so what? u want us to see him as too old for u and advice u to divorce him.. He is almost 20yrs older than u but inititinititini in ur story u made it sound like both of u started from d scratch when he was earning 50k..He is almost 20yrs older than u but he was schooling at d time u marrued him 15 yrs ago and he was on scholarship? How old was he then? There are so many lies on dis story bcos u are trying hard to cover up so we cannot bash u..
      We haven't heard from ur hubby or his family to hear their own side of the story..U know u will be exposed Daz why u were sceptical about sharing d story initially..

      The truth is that u are not a good woman..Slow poison .This is why he refused to sponsor ur education bcos he know that once u get u education and start earning,u will start looking for a way to divirce him..Dis is why most Nigerian men don't like taking their wives abroad bcos once they open eye,they will start having friends who will advise her to leave her marriage just like ur own did..

      I am sure the time u left ur home and travelled to ur so called relatives house,u were actually in a man's house and ur hubby was right by suspecting u .Why would u leave ur home and travel just like that?

      Reading ur post u said more that once that sometimes u regret not divorcing him when u should have .U are regretting not leaving him now that he is making money? So u never wanted him to get a job in d first place that's why u feel dissapointed not leaving him when opportunity called .U are a wicked woman .

      U stated in ur 2017 post that u contemplated suicide bcos u are shouldering ur family responsibilities..U are a bloody liar..U used that line to get us to pity u and pass mean judgement over ur marriage..Who gets suicidal over such issue? A friend on mine is a divorce with 6kids and she is doing that alone knowing fully well that her ex husband is somewhere enjoying his life..She gave the life to Christ,became hard-working and she is raising a 6 graduates all by herself..She never thought of suicide..But u that is taking care of ur home and probably with fewer kids is complaining..Let me hear word..

      It's better u divorce that man so he can find a woman that truly loves him and not d one he brought from Africa and joined bad gang to bring bad luck to him...Keep fucking around over there till those guys will disgrace u one day on d internet..See how I are screaming u are in ur 30s as if u are a baby..Some are in their 20s but are not making a hell of noice...Mtcheeeeewwww.

      Delete
    3. This must have hit you close. All the bile your pouring out on top someone else matter!!
      Receive peace!!

      Delete
    4. Anonymous, whats with the bile? Are you sure you read the story well before spewing rubbish.

      Delete
    5. lol see frustration...u better get out of your own marriage before you die there...go back and read the story well before u come back and vomit nonsense u call advice. bitter goat. poster you are still not happy and problem is obviously only not money. African men most times will not get past their egos to see what they are doing wrong.. you need to be happy cos you are still young. work with him and explore all areas to a solution for his problem so you don't be pushed to cheat on him. cos now he earns more if you say u want out people will not understand its beyond money. u deserve a good sexual life and happiness

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Maybe you both should seperate and see if you can date all over again. Or lets say you move to anothe city for a while the see if tha space andfresh air can help restore anything.
      See my dear, i honestly belive there is nothing that is unforgivable. I appreciate you more for ur honesty staing both of you must have been harbouring resentment for eachother and the truth is you can neither wish or pray that resentment away. You bouth need time apart to revisit what initially brought you both together in the first place.
      Trust me if there is true love and with God on both your sides, He will come through for you.
      I just feel so sorry for this situation and will have you in my prayers. The part that you both remained friends through it all shows there is alot of hope.

      What am i even saying? Why dony you both go for therapy? Yes.

      Delete
  3. Child abuse. You married between the age of 15-18 to a man that's twice older than you. Where are those ones that scream the older the better. I wish you all the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If she married at 23,she will b 38

      Delete
    2. I am still team the older the better

      Delete
    3. Anons 17:38 38 is late 30s

      Delete
    4. She lied about her age so that we will say she is too young to be enduring d marriage..She wants us to see her husband as old man..When she sent her story two yrs ago,did she mention about their age?
      There is no way he will marry her at d age of 15 and take her abroad immediately like she said bcos he Int'l passport will bear her real age and she might have traveled as his wife..Won't d embassy or immigration ask questions? All I know is that she is not in her early 30s and her husband is not in his 50s..She chipped in that line so we can tell her to move on to another man..Na Toto dey scratch her..By the time she enjoys that life she is looking for and see there is nothing in it and wants to come back,d man must have moved on to another woman who gives him peace..

      This is what my elder brother's ex wife did,after moving on with her life and spending 8yrs enjoying her life out there yet no man married her,she is now begging to come back now that my brother has remarried..She wants him to send d new wife away and bring her back telling him that Bible said divorce is bad blah blah blah..When she wanted to pack out and we were begging her to stay dat marriage is endurance,she told us her name is not Ndidi that we should leave her alone..After rocking d whole of America and enjoying her life with plenty sugar daddies and fuck boys,she realise that Bible is against divorce..
      Some women are stupid and dis poster is one..

      Delete
    5. She did mention in her first post that she married as a teenager

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. U think she doesn't have a fuck boy already? I can sense a fuck boy hypnotized woman all over d post..All she is now talking about is that she regret not leaving when she could even now that her man is working and shouldering family responsibilities,she is still not happy..Then u wonder what was her problem initially.. Some women are scum...I am a woman too but dis post annoys me..

      Delete
  5. Congratulations. God has shone HIS light upon u. It pays to endure sometimes.

    With the premature ejaculation thing, it will get better. You guys should talk things over and bury all grudge. Hubby sex drive may be low cos of the ordeal he went thru (no job for years, no money and his big ego being bruised by a smart career wife), your affection and attraction for him will let the sex drive come back gradually.

    Thanks and God bless your home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. About the premature ejaculation, from experience o! Try to exercise, take long walks and watch what you eat. But mainly the walk, it will open up the pores abi break the fat. Try this for about 2-4wks and tell us the result. Enjoy

      Delete
  6. congrats dear. your kids will look like your younger siblings

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is always good at first but when old age comes, they all would all age together and the children may not be agile enough to care for the old parents because they would be equally old , for those of you who are having kids as insurance.

      Delete
    2. And what does your kids looking like your younger siblings do exactly? NOTHING

      Delete
  7. Too bleesed to curse4 February 2019 at 16:06

    It feels like i just watched the movie Acrimony in your story. You have come thus far please keep it moving. You are strong woman and a good wife.
    Your husband just needs to drop his Ego abit and let you enjoy him as you deserve it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm glad u didn't throw in d towel hastily, enjoy your marriage, your husband is middle aged, don't expect him to break bed with one thrust, lai lai, he cant, just manage him like DAT, perks of marrying a broader age gap.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Woman, since you were able to single handedly hold down your family as a young, inexperienced lady in a foreign land, please rekindle the flames of passion in your marriage with the same zeal since you are determined to remain in the marriage, you might as well make it enjoyable for yourself. Why live blandly when you can spice it up. You are a “can do” anything woman.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The woman try gaaaan. Lady you are very intelligent. I hope you are now studying further? I wish you two can seek sexual therapy. You both will be glad for it. Also his being more romantic will help.

      Delete
  10. You don't sound happy.

    You're in your early 30's and you're keeping up with sexual starvation?

    What is Platonic marriage?

    That marriage doesn't sound alive.

    I'm sure there are reasons you left in the first place

    You're too young to keep yourself in such a situation

    Marriage is more than just celebrating years please.


    Reevaluate your life and give yourself whatever you think you deserve.

    Best of luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Will you give her another husband or you are part of the ppl that will be mocking her and keeping your men from her or the type like my uncle who said his wife can no longer be friends with her bestie that she will be a bad influence cos she left her husband.
      Lets be careful about advising women to just up out of marriage, how many good men are outside there. After toiling for so long, the husband now has a good job. Let her too enjoy the money abeg and kick her feet off.
      premature ejaculation is quite common in men that havnt had sex in years. In time as the elationship becomes better he might improve. Most important thing you never lost the friendship and he's a good father.
      Pls put your marriage in prayers. Try and rediscover the love you once shared. In time things will be fine.

      Delete
    2. Note that scientific studies have shown that most women hit their sexual peak in their early to mid thirties with libidos quite similar to teenage boys. No one knows why for sure. Perhaps a greater understanding of their bodies, more realistic expectations of relationships, greater confidence from a budding career or business or relationship. Note that this happens to most and not all women. Perhaps this may be what’s going on. Find a way to work it out with your husband. Take a holiday for the weekend since there money plus you are abroad where such things can be arranged. Also forgive forgive forgive. That resentment right there, plus the ego dip Oga took might be affecting your sex life. Wish you all the best poster.
      .......Fogg PhD

      Delete
  11. My sister is experiencing d same issue,wife being responsible for d family.She and her husband work but d husband use his money to take of his own family, neglecting his wife and children.

    D husband family even thinks he is not taking care of them cos of my sister,every time it is war...

    My lovely sister, in her mid thirty is being admitted in d hospital with her BP 190.she was in coma for days...my family is confused...d fight dt led to her collapsed was becos she didn't gv d husband money he requested for..she pays d children school fees,lesson,nanny,house help,buys food, building the house,buying food etc while d husband uses his own money for his family...

    We don't want to lose my sister...wat do we do.She hid everything from us,d neighbors and friends told us...we are afraid of depression and hypertension..wat will happen to her children if ds lady,cos of her foolishness decides to just waste her life like ds...she just opened her eyes...we d family are scared and confused....I would have loved to mention his tribe but i don't think I will ever in my life get married to such tribe,dey are useless as used tissues.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is not based on tribe!!!!!! It’s based on upbringing and individuality! Y’all need to stop this tribal crap. And I bet you, your sister saw warning signs before getting into this marriage. When marriage go dey hungry una. Now eye don clear. Your sister better leave that yeye marriage for mental sanity sake.

      Delete
    2. Please rally around her and encourage her. Remove her from that toxic environment for some time if necessary. Your family has to find a way to let her know that if she dies because of that man, another lady will come and enjoy her sweat and maltreat her kids on top of it. Actively save your sister o, don’t take her situation lightly.

      Delete
    3. U people should go and bring back ur sister before d man brings her back in body bag..If she refuses to come back,send 4 able bodied men to beat d man up and warn him sternly not to raise hands on ur sister again..Dat move will anger him into throwing ur sister out and Daz d opportunity u have to take her back home..Don't let her know of ur plans and make sure they don't kill d man .
      If he refuses to divocrd her,then he will not raise hands on her again bcos he will be afraid of ur brothers ..
      U people should stop keeping quiet..Ur sister is no longer in her right senses bcos she wants to remain married to Y-Demon..All of u should use ur own senses and drag her home.

      Delete
    4. I hate women who are stupid in marriage....we both work, I will pay the bills and you spend your money on your family? NEVER.. poster go and bring your sister back home, let the marriage kuku end. I can bet my royal arse the guy doesn't love her..pls take her back home oh

      Delete
  12. "Thankful for all that is happening?"
    Meaning; Money is now coming in! Full stop.
    Naija girls!
    YOu been wan divorce am because moni no dey show, no be so?
    And no be say na man fault say moni no dey show o.
    Money begin show, "we die there"; no be so?
    As for that fork mata, make im repair am o
    If im dey shak, make im stop. That one na time bomb.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Poster go for marriage counselling to clear the negative energy

    ReplyDelete
  14. Acrimony Remix
    Poster is a strong woman. Men can be very egoistic. Get a job...no
    See a doctor...no

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thanks for this segment Stella because it shows Chronicles is not a waste.
    Poster I am glad things are better for you. Yet I sense you are not happy. It feels like the love is gone and you both are just tolerating each other and trying to be dutiful without sex. Sex is important and definitely part of the problem. Worse, your husband doesn't want to help matters. Why? I wonder what is really going on.

    Now he is working I hope he is saving for a rainy day and retirement. What plans have you to improve or are you ok as you are. In all I wish you the best and thank you for your feedback.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Maybe you and spouse can take a vacation to one of those raunchy islands where they have girls in bikinis and guys in shorts? Maybe it will rev up your sexual drive. Counseling will do you both a world of good though, if your husband can agree to go

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What about the psychology aspect and emotional aspect? Sex is not just about banging and banging. We’re talking about a marriage that needs to be revived. First thing shd be therapy sessions, then sex therapy if possible. Also remember hubby is much older than poster. If he’s approaching 50 and she’s still in her early 30’s, the sex drive might be different but that shouldn’t stop the emotional connection though. Emotional connection brings bond, affection, hence sex will come naturally without even trying. So they shd work on the emotional connection again not friendship alone. The friendship they have is what holds them together till today. If not, they for don pack up since. However friendship is also not enough.

      Delete
  17. Poster i admire your atitude. I might have walked away but you stood by him during the trying times kudos to you. Since you are both friends why not go for counseling?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Reading through your story again, you both really do need marriage counseling and maybe individual therapy for each of you. It will really help you deal with and let go of the resentment.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Marriage is made of two forgives.havr a heart talk with him.make sure ur kids now have a future mapped out for them.forguve.and start having a positive mind towards ur marriage and not living in the fear of the past

    ReplyDelete
  20. God this is so me. Wish I could just leave and start all over. But my kids will never forgive me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Trust me they will! The worst thing is to realize your mother suffered pointlessly because of you all your life when you yourself wasn’t that happy in your childhood. You could also end up destroying you kids marriage in the future, especially sons. Because you feel you stayed in a miserable marriage because of then so when they get married, you’ll feel they must do your wish and listen to everything you say because they owe you. That’s what leads most women to become destructive MILS who cannot let their sons go. You know you exact situation, just make sure your children are taken care of but don’t let them feel like it’s ok for men to leech off women in the name of marriage or for women to choose leeching and unsupportive husbands. Trust me, I know what I’m saying. I’ve lived it as the child and ALL the kids blamed my mum for taking so much rubbish all in the name of “I did it for the kids” because he now started turning his egotistic, controlling and demanding ways towards us the kids once we started working when my mom was the one that suffered for us within the confines of his demands, control, commands and orders.

      Delete
  21. years when you should have enjoyed your youth, you got caught up in a marriage. You got married at the age when you’re finding your self. you could have explored the world, date, travel, meet new folks of different backgrounds, learn new hobbies. Kaii I feel your pain man. I couldn’t go through with it. I don’t even Know why your parents allowed you to marry at such a young age to a much older man. Heck when I was still in my 20’s to late 20’s, I was still figuring out my life and what I want in a life partner and life in general. I’m also I’m my early 30’s now and I’m finally settled with a wonderful husband, expecting our first child. Dating experience made me stronger and made me appreciate my husband the more. My heart hurt for you deeply and I really hope you find happiness, fulfillment and your purpose again. Good thing is, you’re done with kids so now is the time to find yourself again. Go for individual therapy please, then marriage counseling. If husband is not willing to go for counseling or change, what’s next? Spend the rest of your life unhappy??? Ahh Jesus Christ of Nazareth, your children are trying o hmmm. May the lord sort things out for you. Pray for divine intervention as well.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Reading through posters chronicle, I’m just thinking to myself, So what’s the purpose of rushing into a marriage because of pressure and then at the end of the day, it ends in a tumultuous marriage??? Marriage filled with unhappiness, loneliness. Depressed feeling and frustration all the time? And we have just one life to live. Isn’t it better to wait on God’s time while praying so you can enjoy a blissful life with a loving husband and kids? Single ladies, please take your time choosing, know what you want and your deal breakers. Don’t rush because you feel lonely. Sit in that lonely feeling until you’re able to enjoy your own company. It’s hard work but it’s doable. Some bad marriages have sent folks to hell at the end of their lifetime. Always remember, there’s no marriage in heaven and everything ends here. So why not wait on God’s time to fulfill his promises in your life. Wishing all the single ladies and married couple all the best! Poster’s update is still filled with pain and hurt even though things have gotten better financially. Emotional aspects takes time to heal but hoping for the best for you. Thanks for updating us. Wish I could speak with you and encourage you. I’m here in the US.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Me too, am just tired. Too much resentment about the past. Got a toy boy but after sometime dude started feeling important. Dating game is also scary. Am just focusing on my goals as a person and still in a dead marriage, atleast he pays half the bills. I will manage but i can tell you, its a fucking sad situation to be in a loveless marriage

    ReplyDelete
  24. I think marrying much older men is a problem. I used to think they’ll pamper and spoil and teach their wives gently but it seems the opposite is the case. They don’t believe you should have a say, you can’t even play with them anyhow as per elder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. this her case is different cos she married early when she didn't even know anything. her parents might have been poor and pushed her cos the man is abroad.

      Delete
  25. All I can see for this is you still love each other,and none of what you both went through is UNFORGIVABLE, why hold on in SADNESS?when you can call him aside,express everything you feel and forgive him?can u walk out now?divorce him now?do you still want to make love to your husband?do you find him attractive sexually?you see now that money was not the major problem back then?resentment over the little and big things is,let it go by leaving or let it go by forgiving,stop hanging in the balance ma'am,time waits for none !!

    ReplyDelete

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