Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Monday, March 18, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmmmmm










STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TITHING IN MARRIAGE



Good day Stella, I don’t know if this is chronicle worthy because it’s gonna be short, but I hope to get good feedbacks from my fellow bvs regardless of where u post it. 


Let me start by saying, I’ve never been a religious person right from time. Although I went to a catholic school growing up and would check Christian on a form if needed, I don’t really agree with a lot of Christian stuff or religious stuff in general as they tend to come off as extreme to me. I’ve gone to the church, mosques on invitations but no strong attachments. 

My stand on religion is very obvious as I don’t pretend or lie to anyone about it. So whenever I’m dating, my partner is always aware of the situation. I don’t force my beliefs on anyone as I like to think that everyone is grown and knows what’s best for them, and I don’t like people imposing their own beliefs on me too. 

So I recently got married this year January, my husband is a “Christian,” we dated for 2years before marriage. We started a joint account for bills and home necessities, where we agreed to put in 60% of both our incomes in it. We make about the same amount after taxes so it’s a fair
Percentage. 


Last night he said “babe you know I’m a Christian and I have to do what is right, so I’ll like to start paying 10% from our income once we get paid.” So I told him that’s not gonna be possible as I have different views about that, so if he wants to take 10% from our incomes combined I’ll also take 10% and go shopping to make it even. He refused saying “but I’m not spending the money on myself, it’s for God.” 


Well, we argued and I simply told him that if he wants to do that, he can do it out of his own income but, he should put in mind that if it affects him and he can’t put down 60% in the joint account for bills then whatever he puts down is what I’ll match. He got a little uncomfortable and started acting weird and had an attitude throughout. Has anyone gone through similar situations? How did y’all come to a compromise?



*Na wah this tithing problem again?Let him pay tithe from his own money and stop forcing you to do so...Paying of tithe should not be forced on anyone otherwise it will be a wasted venture.

130 comments:

  1. Let him pay from his own income. Not from the joint account/savings.

    I have never heard this kinda thing before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Where is your marriage standing? Is it on Christ the Solid Rock or on the world pattern?
      You better decide now...

      Delete
    2. Your husband is a criminal, you dated for 2 years and he never mentioned tithing and he wants to tithe on YOUR OWN INCOME TOO! Ah, Madam, your husband is up to no good. I hope you are safe with him...

      Delete
    3. @MAO ABEG!!! What kind of manipulative and condescending message is that. All the white people abroad that don’t worship God still treat their partners with respect unlike people from religious countries like Nigeria suffering in marriages with high rates of domestic violence and infidelity upon all their fasting and praying. Why are some religious couples also poor. God doesn’t hate non believers and frankly from the way so called believers behave the people that should be showing pride are the non believers. We are called to love God for Him and not because we think tithing or believing will make us rich or have good marriages

      Delete
    4. Just make sure that tithe is actually being paid to God and not to a mistress, I don't think your husband is a true Christian, otherwise he wouldn't have even married you in the first place...

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    5. Poster, if he takes 10% out of his salary to pay tithes and contributes 60% to your joint account you are still going to feel cheated cuz that would reduce his own contribution. Ideally I believ3 the 60% should be taken out first before he pays his tithe. The best thing is to come to a figure that should be contributed instead of using a percentage. And this can be done before or after tithing. Tithing is a personal decision and cannot be forced on anyone.

      Delete
    6. Thank you Anon 17.14

      Delete
    7. Anon 5.14 doesn't the same Bible state "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband." 1 Corinthians 7:14 abi you people just assume that being a Christian makes people somehow superior. Being a christian doesnt make you a saint, just someone who believes in God and STRIVES to do the right thing. Not sure why we christians are always so condescending of others yet seek to use grace to cover or forgive our own evils. Pls pls

      Delete
    8. This life you have to be smart...Poster you should have just noded and said “oh that’s true, I also need to be paying tithe” you will remove your 10% and do whatever you want with it.
      Anyway, in your anger you have spilled your plans, I’ll advice you to apologize to him, tell him sweet nothings and say you sort for advice and you have been convinced to pay tithe. At the end of the month, take your 10% and do whatever you want with it.
      Women should try and have sense, wisdom is profitable to direct, it’s not everything you will be doing gragra for.
      Patience is a Virtue. Act like you are stupid to fool the stupid.

      Delete
    9. Abeg, he should pay his tithe and leave you to do as you like with your money, whatever he save is what you should save too

      Delete
  2. Out of his own sweat he should pay tithe. Finish and klaar!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. South Africa lingo!! Finish and klaar
      😁

      Delete
    2. Anon 15:40 😊😊😊 u got me...

      Delete
  3. Las las na tithing go scatter that account.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shebi he has 40% left after the contribution. He should dash his pastor 10% every month from it and leave you out of that.

      Delete
    2. Aunty you sound selfish, you stated that you dint want anyone forcing their believes on you so why are you trying to force yours on him? He doesn't have to pay from the joint account but he can pay his tithe and still contribute.
      You have a good man who decided to tell you how he feels, instead of seeing reasons you want to force him to stop a tradition he has been doing all his life.
      You will soon scatter your marriage.

      Delete
    3. Lol. Blackberry I read this your comment out and laughed really hard.

      Delete
    4. Except you don't believe in marriage and family. Except you feel "I will dump him if he messes up" unison is marriage that's what it preaches. What he is saying is what every sensible man will tell his wife. It is now left for you to object or agree. which you now not didn't agree. This is a concern for him that's why he is acting up. If you allow him to pay from his own part I bet you , you will now see a different man. Because he feels alone. I don't know the plans for you guys money. I also don't know how much is it you have extra. I will suggest you agree with him, but make sure you monitor him so it doesn't end up in another wans pocket

      Delete
    5. Push pls explain how on earth is she forcing her believe on him? She's not stopping him from paying tithe but not from their joint account. What's so wrong in that?


      Poster stand ur ground or dissolve that account.

      Delete
    6. What is this push-up Saying now? You’re not making any iota of sense. How can you accuse the poster of forcing her beliefs on her husband when it’s the total opposite. Way to go on your attempt at blaming the wife -as per usual naija move. A for effort there. She doesn’t tithe and her husband is trying to force her to tithe. If the husband wants to tithe, he can do that from his salary, not hers. You said he’s done that all his life, how? Someone poster said just decided he’s a Christian and wants to start tithing? He couldn’t discuss such with poster before they got married?Also, even if he had tithe all his life, poster is not tying him down. He can continue tithing from HIS salary. He should leave hers alone. If he takes the tithe out of the 60%, then she’ll match whatever he puts in their joint account. Simple! If he wants her to pay 60%, then he better take the tithe out of his remaining 40%. The guy is trying to use “echo” on his wife and some people are yarning dust. Who knows if he’s trying to put some smallie on a permanent pay cycle? Who he wants to use this to start a trend whereby the wife will eventually end up carrying majority of the load? No small small dem dey start. Kudos to poster for seeing through the bs. Nonesense!

      Delete
  4. Tell him to pay from his salary before contributing his own share of your savings, pastors are buying expensive cars everyday, and gullible people still give them their hard earned money to live a flamboyant life, stupid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster. Be wise like a serpent.
      Yall should pay tithe before transfering to the joint account.
      He can use his to do whatever, tell him you want to pay yours at your discretion.
      You can then use it to do whatever

      Delete
    2. we dont pay tithe to pastors. how much i ur tithe ma sef, that u think its what affords them the luxury? pay ur tithe for the propagation of the work of God finish.

      Delete
    3. Paying b4 contributing is unwise. Say he earns 100k 4 instance and pays 10% as tithe b4 contributing simply means he will b contributing 60% of the balance 90k which still directly affects the usual amount he is supposes 2 contribute. So he should pay his 60% 1st and pay his tithe from whatever he has left.

      Delete
    4. Anon 15:52 who then do u pay to? Do u ve God's act details? Ure asking how much is the tithe? Have u counted the members b4 asking? Imagine a minimum of 5k from 5k people every month.do d math. Remember I said minimum.

      Delete
    5. Collect 1k from 1000 people that is 1m naira

      Delete
  5. Very easy he should take the 10% from 40% that is left which is his own personal money. Is a straight forward solution.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Paying of tithe is a personal thing, not to be imposed on others.its his choice, so it should come from his "income"

    ReplyDelete
  7. na wa o... if the money in the joint account exceeds what is needed for bills and stuff then y'all should have a talk to reduce your contributions to only what is needed to maintain the household. the money is excess there thats why he's getting ideas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha... U too get sense

      Delete
    2. Busybee sence don finish you. Lol. Very true tho.

      Delete
  8. 2 Corinthians 9:7

    Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

    ...........
    That is all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!!! All these Christians tithing yet they say they’re under grace. This is the only scripture that matters if you call yourself a Christian. Stop duping people and defrauding your family in the name of tithe

      Delete
  9. Just follow Stella's advice,he should pay from his own income and everyone will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is where many so called Christians get it wrong. Tithes is 10% of what you make, your salary. Why does he want to use yours as well? Salvation is individual and if he was serious about tithes the percentage would have been 20%, that is 10% for him and 10% for you. He is being greedy self, giving God 5% from his salary and trying to get your 5% to make it 10%. Stand your ground, he should first remove 10% before even putting anything in the joint account. I just don't understand how you want a grown ass person to do something they don't believe in just to make yourself happy. I don't pay tithes o, I give money to charity and I do that every months even when I am not pay while in vacations. Your husband should stop being selfish and greedy at the same time because what he is trying to do is even cheating God.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mathematically it will still amount to 10% of his and 10% of hers. Not 5% of each as you have calculated.

      Delete
    2. Please don't mislead the poster. 10 percent of their joint income is still ten percent, the amount has increased, so definitely the 10 percent value would increase, don't mislead her. Her husband should however not force her, he should pay his 10 percent from the remaining 40 percent left, and let his wife watch God bless him immensely. My two cents

      Delete
    3. Funny enough his only going to pay 5%

      Delete
  11. All I read here were two cohabiting adults with defined shares.
    Nothing like marriage here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marriage is now a business venture o. A business where your partner's love for you is based on how much you have. The only unconditional love that exist on earth is the love of a mother others are conditional love.

      Delete
    2. Huh? A couple that shares a joint account what’s more united than that :/ or because of love they should be careless with their finances or what

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    3. Marriage by definition is a covenant. A covenant, no matter how you dress it, is a contract. You may not like the meanings attached to the word contract, but it is one. When you take your vows, you make all these promises to each other and that instantly says the relationship is conditional. Love is unconditional. Relationships are not. We relate to people based on what we get from them (it doesn't have to be money). The sooner we all appreciate that as human beings, we place value on relationships based on gains and losses, the sooner we can deal honestly with ourselves. All of you looking for unconditional relationships need to understand that even getting into a relationship is a calculated endeavor - what will you gain, what will you lose? Those who only see money signs in this sentence need to look again and think deeply. Poster, do your calculations. What will you lose or gain from all the alternatives above and below? Whichever weighs more is the one you are attracted to.

      Delete
  12. First of all poster you have to make a decision of either being a Christian or not rather than sitting on the fence. Well since it's a joint account removing 10% for tithe would mean you are putting in more.this wouldn't have been an issue if you also believe in tithing but since you don't agree with it both of you should find a way of resolving the issue so that when he takes 10% you take 10%

    All the same you should have married your fellow person who doesn't really do religion maybe an atheist

    ReplyDelete
  13. I gbadun this understanding in this una marriage oo. You say yours, I say mine. your hubby should pay his tithe from his income and still put in the 60%. If he refuses, then I feel you are fair enough to say you will put in whatever he puts in. Fair and nice.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I believe tithing should be an individual thing and so if your husband insists on paying tithe, then it should be from his salary, meaning he will be left with 30% after his tithe and the compulsory 60% you guys contribute.
    If he insists, take 10% from the saving too,and then it's left for you to either pay it as tithe or do whatever you want to with it without causing a rift.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Tithing is a false doctrine that leaves you poorer and your pastor richer. God will judge all pastors still collecting tithes and selling false hope to His children that paying tithes will make them richer. Let your husband pay tithe from his own money. I only help the widows, poor and needy and God keeps opening doors of financial breakthroughs for me. Your pastors are greedy muthafuckers and the tithes they stubbornly collect will begin to choke them from this year on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you for this stAtstate,greedy lots.😒😒

      Delete
  16. Although the opinions of others may differ, i believe paying your tithe should be voluntary. What's the point in paying if you don't really believe in God?

    You have a right to your religious dispensation, however, you have to thread carefully because religion is a touchy subject. Most people will view your position as defiant to God's instruction.

    If your husband wants to pay his tithe, let him. Especially if the 10 percent will come from his own income.

    Sit him down and make him understand that your refusal to contribute isn't limited to your religious differences alone as you also have other responsibilities such as providing for your extended family (whether or not that liability exists).

    Also, your body language and method of delivery are just as important as the message you are driving across.

    It's possible you gave him the impression that his suggestion doesn't count because its your money. He feels disregarded or even disrespected.

    No need to let any grudges linger. Just revisit the conversation when he is in a better mood. He knows he married an agnostic woman. So it should not come as a shock.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Paying of tithes is not compulsory why serving God too is not compulsory.

    Oga pay yours and leave madam.

    Madam why will you marry a Christian when you know he wants to pay thites.

    May God help both of you Amen

    ReplyDelete
  18. What do you people discuss during dating/courtship; are they not supposed to be issues like this?
    All wey una dey do na to fork, fork and fork until una fork away una senses and begin to act like kids on the playground.
    Una go come answer Christian (the man in this story) and claim to be in love; which love? Love wey no fit share common income? Love we dey selfish and always seeking her own?
    Make una dey remove fork for una courtship make una eyes clear and make una get time to think and discuss issues that concern una for marriage.
    All these living together (in bondage) does not last. The foundation don dey crack.

    Madam, go and submit to ya husband make una begin work am out together. Don't pay that tithe grudgingly else it is not acceptable to God. If you don't submit here, your next chronicle fit be "marriage don scatter". We go read am like that. Whosai.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear most courtship na fuck fuck even if the man no sabi, dem no mind at all

      Delete
    2. you should take your medication more often

      Delete
    3. @"Anonymouse"15:58
      NEE more often medication

      Na who be oke mmuo a wey dey urinate under my comment eh?

      @Yori Yori, e don become "dem" okwa ya?
      Ndi Pharisee ndewo nu o.😂😂😂

      Delete
  19. He should pay tithes from his income alone, if you decide to pay tithes, he doesn't have to pay for you, if he is true to himself, this shouldn't be an issue. Paying of tithes should not be forced on anyone. If he uses 10% to pay tithes, you should also be able to use your 10% as you like, be it shopping, charity etc. I hope this issue is sorted out as soon as possible. Best of luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You said it almost like I would have. Just one thing, pls poster concentrate your 10% more on charity

      Delete
  20. Poster do not let this issue bring problem in ur marriage,your marriage is still young and there will be so many conflicts that will come up,this is minor.my take,allow him pay his tithe frm his own salary and let him drop d remaining percentage in d joint account ,even if it's not up to 60 percent,if it's 50 percent its fine,sometimes it's better to just avoid some issues

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. how is this up to her? The men mess up and we expect the women to invent solutions. She's the victim here whose salary is being used for something not part of their initial understanding. Her so called Christian husband is the one bearing malice and trying to strong arm her into paying 5% of her salary to a church. If he cares that much why not an orphanage? Sending money to poor relatives or widows back home etc. Why the obsession with paying tithe to a pastor somewhere

      Delete
    2. Sometimes you have to also stand your ground if not whatever you permit will continue and it will be difficult for you to stop. Just don't start what you cannot finish and don't accept what you can't handle just deal with it now once and for nothing will happen to your marriage.
      Poster let him pay his 10% and still bring same percent you are also bringing to the table, if you allow him on this believ me in no time you will start footing bills alone while he use his money on different things. Goodluck to you

      Delete
    3. I have this strong feeling, the 10 percent isn't for tithes. Are you sure the man doesn't have a child somewhere? Could be side chick sef...Took 10 years for me to find out my husband had a daughter ooo.

      Delete
  21. My dear stand firm don't allow him to force you into doing something against your will. He knew before now what he was up against. As long as you are not comfortable with paying tithe do not do it since its not from the heart. Let him give you all the attitude he wants later. E go tire. If he wants you in his tithing corner let him pray for you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. While I believe in paying Tithe, I also think he should not force you into it especially as you guys didn't come to agreement before getting married. He should pay his own from his remaining 40% of his salary.

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  23. He should pay from his own income and also pay the necessary percentage to your joint account. That will be his own sacrifice to God. It's that simple.

    ReplyDelete
  24. The main problem is that they do not pay this tithes to those that suppose to receive it according to scriptures;
    The fatherless
    The widows
    The strangers; e.g beggars.
    Those working as gospel minsters without any other source of incomes.

    you want to read it? Deut. 14:28-29
    Deut. 26:12-15, Matthew 23:23, Acts 6:1-6, 1 Tim. 5:1-9

    Your pastors will not quote these scriptures but only quote Malachai so that he will position himself to embezzle it.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dear poster what's wrong with you? Why won't you allow your husband to pay tithe. Do you know the blessings that is attach to tithers? You better do what you know is good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As in ehhhhh
      If u don't want to pay please allow the man to pay

      Delete
    2. Is she stopping the man from paying tithes? She just doesn't want it to come from their joint account since she doesn't believe in such, let the man use his own personal money. The bible said one tenth of your income not one tenth of your joint income

      Delete
    3. Because ‘tithers’ as you call them, do not fall sick, do not die, get everything they want because God is a Father Christmas that is just there to give and take...

      This is why you people will not smell heaven. You have no understanding of who God is.. and you teach for doctrin the commandments of men

      You

      Delete
  26. Is ur hubby even aware that heavenly race is personal? Why pay tithe from joint account? On behalf of U both or himself alone? Odikwa egwu! He needs to use his personal money for that biko, & stop playing smart...

    ReplyDelete
  27. This man has entered one chance.

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  28. Tell him u will also pay tithes n keep ur 10 percent. No need to cause any trouble at home. Tell him u love d idea n u have slept over it.

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  29. I think you should stand your ground on this one. He is the one being unreasonable here cos there is nothing wrong in both of you bringing 50% each. He can use his 10% for tithe and you can do whatever you like with yours. Simple.

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  30. Oga want to share everything 50/50 including his tithe na wa for this 21 century husband o. Women be careful o while you carry your heart inside a marriage pls use your head. Shey you lot read the story of that banker on regret post yesterday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That comment is still doing me one kain sef. I'm scared of the institution called Marriage.

      Delete
  31. He shouldn't force you to pay tithe after All he knew your stand before tying the knot. I don't understand why people get married hoping to change their partner. Salvation is a personal race,Let him pay 10% from his own income and 60% in the joint account .

    ReplyDelete
  32. I think paying of tithe should be by force. Its a commandment by God so we have to keep it. Its like God saying thou shall not steal. Poster please reason with your husband and try to regain peace in your home. Good luck and cheers. @Blessed Princess

    ReplyDelete
  33. Your husband doesn't want to pay no tithe.........He has another plan.

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  34. Tithing shud not be forced and he knows this.Let him pay from his money and not from ur savings. i pay my tithe pls so dont get me wrong but, we dont need to force our beliefs on others.

    ReplyDelete
  35. even from your tone i sense rudeness, there are other ways to go about it instead of trying to counter his options from every angle..talk to him calmly....i am a tihter and with all honesty tithe works for me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly I agree. she should have knelt down and given him the tithe money on her head

      Delete
    2. Anon you totally killed me with this one 😂😂😂😂

      Ivannah

      Delete
    3. It is not tithing that’s working for you. It is just the law of give and you shall receive.

      Delete
  36. this has nothing to do with not being religious. Even if he were married to a religious person he should pay from his own 10%. He wants pastor's attention but only wants to use 5% of his money, he thinks he's playing smart. he's trying to use emotional manipulation to guilt her into doing his bidding, knowing that in Nigeria the women are always expected and advised to endure and cave in. She should not!! Women's emotional health and happiness matters too! HER OWN SALARY! next thing he'll use the same tactics to use their joint savings to buy the pastor a car. And start dictating what to use their money for. They know how to be 21st century husbands when it's time to split bills, but want to be original African men when it's time to force obedience and endurance. This is the beginning. He's the 'religious' one yet he's the one sharing bills as a so called christian head of the home, using someone's salary to pay 50% of his tithe, and bearing malice. I'm sure there are Bible verses for men to treat their wives well and to be equitable in financial dealings, but the only ones we tell men in Nigeria is 'wives submit to their husbands'

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  37. I don't know why men get uncomfortable when women take their stand. Your husband should pay his tithe before putting in the 60%. If he can't, then he should pay 50% and you also pay 50%.

    ReplyDelete
  38. @Poster your hubby should pay the tithe from his income I believe in tithing, he don't force it on your joint income, you also have to apply wisdom as your marriage is still very young. I wish you luck.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Thanks madam Stella and other bvs for your input. I really appreciate it. I’m gonna send him this link. Thanks everyone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. don't send him this link. Before he will drag this whole matter longer than necessary and accuse you of sharing your issues with strangers. Just stand your ground,Period!

      Delete
    2. Madam your blood is too hot, now you want to send him this link. Calm down for Jesus and use sense to manipulate this man to do your bidding.
      Hope he also assists you with house chores and child care 50-50 oh. This one that you guys are doing partnership.

      Delete
  40. Please tell him that you have come to realise the essence of tithe paying, You also need ten percent for the tithe, be diplomatic to get what you want. At the end of month, both of you would remove 10% for tithe each and save the remaining money. He might not be paying any tithe, Nigerian men can lie like spiritualist. Talking from experience.

    ReplyDelete
  41. My wife pays tithe from monthly home expenses.I just look at her and SMH. Where do Nigerian's get these extreme doctrines from?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you for real?

      Chai, I suppose turn pastor oh😄😄😄

      Delete
  42. See scope.. madam no gree ooo.. the man is a nonsense and ingredient sef...he will use all form of psychological ways on you..but lie lie no gree oo. Let him pay his tithe on his own money and still contribute 60% because he is the one that believes in it and not you . You told him from get go so he should go and sit down. Besides how are we even sure he wants to pay tithe with the money..madam hear me..do not agree

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  43. Darling, when it comes to finances in marriage, caution has to be applied. I have seen too many marriages crumble because of money related issues. I may be wrong but I would have advised you guys to maintain individual accounts first for a couple of years before you do the joint account thingy. Get to know yourselves and mesh as husband and wife. Established a baseline of some sort before delving into areas that are potentially problematic. Joint account isn't for all couples.

    Sweetheart, I don't know the dynamics in your marriage but for me, I solve sensitive issues with tenderness and not confrontation. I'm old school, and I know the wonders of a well massaged male ego, it works like magic. A lot of conflict can be avoided with less confrontation and more tact. Perhaps you can fine tune your delivery? Instead of saying you would remove your own 10% for shopping, just smile and say "that's alright my love". A wise woman never reveals her plans, she hides it well with a smile. After he removes his 10%, remove your own 10% and use it on what you like. If he gets upset, just act surprised and tell him you didn't think he would mind since both of you deposit 60% each, and he has started a new style of deduction, you felt it's only fair that you should have such privileges as well. If he is a reasonable man, he will see that he is being unfair and he will let it slide. If he isn't a reasonable man... you may have to be more creative.

    You have to use your feminine wiles and wisdom. Men refer to us as the "weaker sex" but there's so much strength in our "weakness". We keep outsmarting them and bringing them to their knees without them even knowing. My love, your marriage is too young for such avoidable conflict. With the difference in your religious beliefs and probably your mentalities as well, you are going to have more huddles ahead. You have to learn to be smart if you want your marriage to work. Being smart isn't trying to show your hubby how smart you are. It's allowing him THINK he is smarter, while you laugh within and watch him do what he feels are his decisions, but we know who is secretly pulling the strings, don't we? Welcome to Matrimony 101.

    e-hugs and kisses.

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    Replies
    1. These things don't work on every man. They work on men that want it to work. Men that like you and like being married. All marriages are not created equal. I agree don't always be confrontational but pls know some women are dealing with men that defy these options

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    2. I love you so much Ronalda.So much.

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    3. I agree, my darling. It's only a suggestion. I always recommend tenderness in place of confrontation because that's what works for me. It may as well backfire. No advice is one size fits all. Know your man and what works.

      e-hugs and kisses.

      Delete
    4. Thanks for your input, we agreed to the joint account because of immigration purposes. They’ll need proof that our marriage is for real before they’ll give him his green card. You see, he was an international student before he dropped out because he couldn’t afford it no more, so I’ve been pulling in overtime to help pay up his debt so he can go back to school. Am I not being stupid to be doing overtime upon overtime to help pay up his debt while he gives his money elsewhere? He reported me to his mom already and she’s saying “I’m selfish” that I’m supposed to render all my salary to my husband as the head of the house, and I have to ask his permission before I use the money. I don’t believe I’m selfish, i only want good for him. That’s why I’m trying to get him back to college. How else can someone support their spouse’s wellbeing?

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    5. so you're convincing a non-christian to lie and manipulate just to please her husband as the 'wise christian' thing to do. LOL. I love how we pretend that bending over backwards and doing men's bidding is an act of empowerment. Stooping to conquer yet the only one winning is the man. You should have given this advice to the banker who was submitting till the husband cheated her out of two houses.

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    6. Poster you are not selfish at all. He has not said what he wants to use that money for. There is no point quarreling over the issue sef, just keep quiet and match his action for action to avoid unnecessary exchange of words.

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    7. @ Stella I think you need to post her update as a continuation, including what her mother in law said. It seems they are tying to dupe her out of her money in the name of submission. Poster stops working overtime for him. Keep your money for yourself and stop being stupid. The handwriting is clear on the wall but you women keep thinking you’re the one whose risk and suffering for a man will pay off

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    8. Anon Poster be careful with that man and his family. They are spongers. His mom's got a cave mentality! Nigga may have married you because of papers. Be careful!

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    9. Poster immigration doesn't need a joint account. You'd be better off saving your money and getting pregnant. If u want to show proof or marriage, a child is best . Change to individual account if you're more comfortable with that. you should let your husband get his green card first before you relax totally into the marriage ears have heard.

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    10. @anon03.17..immigration does need a joint account most times because they need proof that they work in unity as a couple. They will request for joint filing for tax returns. Evidence of co ownership of a lease which could be joint payment of house rent and utilities. All these need to be provided while filing for the green card

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    11. Just divorce His Royal Stupidness already? This man is not a husband. His true name na one chance. The mama sef na mama one chance.

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  44. I'd rather remain single than marry this kind of man. So it isn't enough they contribute equally to the joint account, he still wants 5% of the money? What kind of greedy, self-centred men do we have these days?

    -Castle Windsor.

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    Replies
    1. Calm down .it's just a conflict. Nothing to run away cause of

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  45. When the blessings from the tithe starts to manifest in your household - Who will take all the blessings the husband only or both of you?!?!

    If he is giving money to church, let that be, he is not spending it frivolously - Stop the argument before it becomes a disaster.

    You were not blind when you married your husband.

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    Replies
    1. The husband too wasn't blind when he married her. He should give his own 10% not forcing someone into it. Afterall when a spouse is fasting you can't refrain from sex without permission from your other spouse. If it were a man complaining everyone would understand and beg the woman to refrain from extremism to 'keep her home'. A lot of successful marriages in Nigeria are ones where only the husband is happy. Is that good?

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  46. Well, I think this particular issue cannot be adjudged logically. Firstly, you have different spiritual beliefs and if not well addressed would create unwarranted/avoidable issues. Please ask yourself some pertinent questions... do I love my husband enough to bend over backwards on his demands? How do I manage our disagreements or opposing views to mine in my home? You see, wisdom is profitable to direct. Without sounding biased, you well knew that he was not only a church goer before walking down the aisle.
    Please pray well before making further comment on his decision to begin to pay tithe. Having a man that wants this level of closeness with his wife is not bad at all. But please allow him for now as more serious issues will arise in future and at that point, your ability to submit to him would be an added advantage to adopt your position. Please note that courtship is a totally different ball game from marriage. An issue that your spouse will overlook becomes a bone of contention while married.
    Wish you the best and God's wisdom.

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    1. all the man needs to do is give HIS money. he can give 20 0r 50% of HIS money. Where in the bible does it mention joint tithing? You people think women just exist to bend over backwards, and to what end? It's almost like what alot of you worship is marriage and not God. At the mention of MARRIAGE every Nigerian woman must bow. And that's why the men misbehave

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  47. Madam, first of all. Please Give your life to Christ. When you do, the spirit of God in you will direct you on what to do. For now my advise will be that he pays tithe from his earnings and then you match with what he saves. Don't see why this should be an issue at all. But please give your life to Jesus. You sound alright with your stands about Christ. It's not about religion here. Its all about the saviour. Peace.

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  48. It is clear that both of you have different believes and value. Marriage that is just two months, you have started having problems because of tithe. Poster please read Malachi chapter 3.you are robbing God by not paying your tithe. This marriage is on a long thing

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  49. Please read Malachi 3.my husband pays his tithe.he earns a little below 200k a month.but my dears these year alone we have paid tithe not less than 1million naira.I realised while dropping a tithe of 300k yesterday.the truth is my Bible says pay your tithe and we do.then more doors keep opening from unexpected sources.you can't obey God and not be blessed. As against believe that tithing reduces your resources it will make whatever is left after paying it,yo be more than enough.there are so many things I can't share here. Poster if you confirm that your husband is actualy using that money for tithing,please let him .by the time you start experiencing God unlimited blessings,no one will ask you to surrender.
    My take oooo.no one should come here to yarn dust .

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  50. This man shouldn't have gotten married to you in the first place because two of you are unequally joked. You are a neither a Christian not a Moslem. Come on..what was this guy thinking when he proposed to you. I feel sorry for him. Abeg allow him to pay his tithe because it is a spiritual thing. And please please give your life to Jesus Christ before it is too late. If you fail to confess the Lordship of Jesus over your life and and you die, na hell fire be that ooooo.
    A word is enough for the wise!!

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  51. My dear, you guys didn't discuss giving before marriage? I can't imagine how many people don't discuss about giving; as in, how they can use some part of their income to bless or hep someone else on a regular basis. It can be a tithe and for a non christian giving to other worthy causes.
    If I were you I wouldn't even argue. Please just tell darling husband that you just realize how important it is to give. You don't believe in tithing but do believe in giving and helping other needy people or causes.
    To compromise, tell him it is a good thing he wants to obey God and help his church grow. You too equally want to help other needy causes that you believe in. So each of you will take 10% out of your own income for giving. And you guys can re-evaluate your household budget or joint account if need be.
    Voila problems avoided and both of you can cheerfully give in peace.
    PS: I did not say you should now take the 10% and hide it instead of giving. It is a blessing to be generous. Just sow where your heart is willing. Help an orphan; give to a worthy cause. Your life will be richer for it.
    PS: A tithe is a personal decision. No one can force you to tithe especially as you are not even Christian. But if you handle this conversation with wisdom and emphasize on the importance of giving, instead of fighting your beliefs, you will find common ground and peace shall reign in your home.
    Wisdom is profitable to have. Be a Wise Woman. Every conflict does not need to be a battle of wills; it should be an opportunity to unite. You can both grow even with opposing view points. God bless your home.

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    1. Lmao her husband is trying to dupe her and you’re telling her to be a wise woman. She’s working overtime to pay for her college and he’s trying to withdraw HER money in the name of tithe. Poster do NOT fall into this trap of being bullied into stupidity to prove submission. When you say your chronicle here people can only tell you “sorry”

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    2. And where did she mention that her husband was trying to dupe her? They have a disagrement over the paying of tithes. I dont agree with the husband's reaction but not all men are thieves and cheats.. Nigerian women this is the mentality that kills your marriages before arrival. Not all men cheat, not all men are liars. She didnt say her husband was cheating or trying to dupe her. She just wants to know.
      Again I say to the writer, use Wisdom. It's not every problem that is solved by shouting fire and brimstone. Sometimes you may not agree but it is your attitude and manner that makes or breaks the situation.
      Poster use wisdom and discuss with your husband cordially. A man who loves you will reason with you. Not all this brash attitude that's being displayed here.

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    3. If you read her comment in the comment section she clearly states that she’s working overtime to pay for HIS college degree and he reported his own wife to his mother who said that she should turn over her ENTIRE salary to the husband. Not all men cheat not all men are liars but when something goes wrong you tell women “didn’t you see the signs”. Abeg abeg. Is it being careful that destroys marriages or the tons of men out there committing adultery and expecting a pat on the back or using their wives income as they please. Nigerian women forever packaging victim blaming and female suffering as wisdom

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  52. I believe your husband wants to use the 10 percent to start something in his name. Something he wants to have all to himself. Be wise. That man is not a real Christian.

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  53. This is where compromise comes in, babe. Either of you should do that for the sake of your marriage, I am not a strong believer in tithing, but honestly,his own stand is more sensible than the shopping spree you intend. please, be wise.

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  54. This is what happens when u marry someone u are UN equally yoked with. He had no business marrying this.
    A man shd be able to tithe the general income. Of the family

    Its not her income but their income with him being d head

    They shd be a sense of agreement thou



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  55. Besides d marriage isn't a business partnership.

    Where u share percentages
    Marriage is about filling up
    Idealy
    If d man chooses to. Tithe their net income. No big deal

    If she doesn't believe in tithing he can tithe his salary before send ing say 50% as against 60%

    This people shd have a common goal not separate goals
    So sad

    Men pls don't rush and give a woman d ring
    That's your only leverage
    Until. She is willing to submit don't!!

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    Replies
    1. Abusers united “your only leverage until she’s willing to submit to you”. If you’re so sure of your manhood and intelligence why do you need someone to submit for you to feel like a man, so much so that men like you are willing to play dirty with wiles like sabotage, public disgrace and silent treatment to abuse the woman into subservience. All you’ve listed up there is about forcing the woman to do as you please even with her own money. Disguised babies with bruised egos clamouring to be alpha males. If he was such a good Christian she would be converted by now, instead he’s keeping malice and reporting his wife to his mum like a spoiled infant. And men of similar mindset will of course support him

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    2. God bless you, Anon! I couldn’t have said it any better.

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  56. when the bible says be not equally yoked with unbelievers this is what it means..your husband is born again but married a woman who is just a christian. how can you both be on the same page? tithing is biblical and as Christians we should give back to God. the church where you feed spiritually is where you pay tithes. i do not even think of what the pastor does with it but i believe i pay tithe to a man who is true. you make it sound like he wants to take the tithe from the joint account. i do not believe he will force you but he is telling you he wants to pay tithe and that will affect his contribution. you are obviously not born again and you do not see any need for tithing. its a pity cos i blame your husband for marrying a man who does not see things the way he does. singles marry wisely and marry someone who has the same spiritual values as you. let him pay his 10% from his income and reduce his contribution to 50%, you can reduce your own contribution to 50% too so you wont feel cheated.

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    Replies
    1. Tithing is not CHRISTIAN!!!! Just because it is in the Bible doesn’t mean it is for Christians! Stop bullying women in order to use their money in the name of God

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  57. From you last comment poster and what his mum said omo na planned work o. He married you for papers and money. Goodluck

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  58. See ehn if God can just grant my wish and divorce this marriage and send this woman straight to me I'll love and cherish her for the rest of my life.

    The husband is not giving to the pastor but to God through the pastors account... Lol

    So the pastor is Gods account holder 😁😁😁😁

    All my life I've been praying for such a life partner.

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