Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Tuesday, April 02, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmmm.....










STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SURROGACY


Good day Mrs Korkus,
I think I might just be one of those few women that will say they got exactly what they have always fantasised marriage would be. My husband's level of cooperation, understanding, support and faithfulness still shocks me after years of marriage. However, we have been TTCing and I have experienced quite a few miscarriages.



Both of us are white collar professionals and both earn a combine income in excess of a million monthly so we are comfortable and we are also into philanthropy.

After my last miscarriage last year I haven't conceived again and I have had one IVF failure and 9 healthy embryos in storage so my doctor recommended a hysteroscopy and we found out that my last evacuation was harshly done and has affected the walls of my womb. 


The procedure is one I have no intent of going through ever again and all the hormonal drugs are making me miserable.
My IVF doctor is quite positive that my next IVF attempt will be successful but...I HATE side effects of my drugs(making me fat). So I broached the option of surrogacy with my husband and he agreed with me but on the condition that I wear a pregnancy prosthetics so people wont know I didn't give birth to them myself.


Now this is the problem! My husband knows how I hate lying. He knows how I call out so called Christians and pastors who get help from fertility centres and keep it a top secret. Why would you see people suffering and secretly find solution to yours but turn around to deceive them to continue in their agony?


 He said I should take time to consider it because he knows that when mine is successful I might even go on talk shows to tell all who cares to hear that this is what I have done and he is right. I have been thinking... wearing this prosthetics will make me feel like a hypocrite.


What do you think?



*Na wah,this is a very sensitive issue and i really dont know what to tell you other than when the matter becomes personal opinion always changes...why dont you wait first until you get there and see if your opinion might change?

118 comments:

  1. Touches chronicle..
    Poster,May God fix it for...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love non conformist she is one, but with a partner it might cause u problems later in future. If u can strongly stand your truth pls do ur wish

      Delete
    2. You are certain your next IVF attempt would be successful but you don't just want to go through with it because the drugs make you fat? Okay.

      Delete
    3. Madam the lie doesn't stop after you gave birth. You will keep up with the lie and I am sure you won't want anyone to blackmail you in the future.
      Please try and convince you husband to be open about your fertility journey. You might be an instrument to bring hope to a lot of homes.

      Delete
    4. Lies never end well.

      Delete
    5. When you don't know people's story don't judge them, Una no go hear. Some people still hide CS how much more surrogacy. Do what your conscience permits but be sure to be on same page with your hubby. Guy man doesn't want any stigma attached to his baby knowing Naija.

      Delete
    6. Madam I beg you, please follow your husband's advise to the later. Nigerians have not accepted adoption and surrogacy. In everything you do, may God be with you. It will surely end in praise. Cheers

      Delete
    7. If surrogacy is the way, why pretend to be pregnant? A secret is hard to keep when it involves 2 but in your case, it's now 3 or more as your carrier didn't fall from heaven.

      Take a break and Trave far away while the news of pregnancy filter slowly.

      Come back some months after baby is born. Don't decieve yourself hence no need to deceive others.

      Delete
    8. Nigerians.. Is her baby for Nigerians? By the way, who gave you the right to speak for Nigerians?
      It's her life. It's sad her husband thinks this way. She doesn't owe anybody any explanations. It's her life for crying out loud.
      She shouldn't turn herself into an object of gossip. Of course people will still talk anyhow, but living a lie will rob her of her peace.
      How much I love my peace!
      I'm done ttc after more than 10 yrs. We're looking to adopt. No pretenses.
      It's nobody's business. Can't help how people think, can I?

      Delete
    9. Lols @anon 19:40,you sound pregnant already. Check your self next month and come back with testimony.
      God shows himself when we are done with our own ways. You are more relaxed, no stress, no expectations, no hormonal confusion, no agitation, no mental influence and boom you are pregnant. That will be your story.

      Delete
  2. Just kukuma go and adopt .

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. To me, the only thing that matters in marriage is what you and your spouse agreed on. Other people's opinion don't matter. Pick your fight carefully.

      Delete
  4. If u won't feel comfortable wearing the prosthetics, why not change environment for sometime? Like, leave after 4 months, hubby will tell those who care to know that u travelled for the babies and then return when the babies are born.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She doesn’t have issues wearing it... her problem is she doesn’t know how to tell lies.

      Delete
    2. Why is she living to please people who can't help her? Telling lies to who Pls?

      Delete
    3. Lies never end well. Your conscience will flog you for the rest of your life.
      There is no sickness that cannot arise from guilt!

      Delete
    4. I thot that pregnancy is for 9 months

      Delete
  5. Poster, why not go through it yourself, it's not as if you will take the drugs forever, you can still burn the fat after delivery.
    As for the wearing of the prosthetics, I understand where your hubby is coming from, he is concerned about what people will say. Well you alone knows what you want and wearing it doesn't make you an hypocrite, it is part of your testimony.
    May God see you through it all Amen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!!! Pls loud it!!!!

      Delete
    2. Not everyone is built for ivf. Stop being insensitive towards the poster. Ivf is not EASY.

      Delete
    3. If you have never taken hormonal drugs before. You will never understand the effect it has on your body.

      Delete
  6. Keep talking with your man and also work on finding a surrogate. If you find one, then really discuss the topic of not wanting to keep this a secret. Secrets are tough business. But there's no need focusing on it until you find someone to do the job .meanwhile, I suggest you try a different doctor. Just to review your records and get a second opinion.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My sister you better obey your husband because the moment you let people know some of your trials,they will always use it to tag you and your family, do what your husband asked or if you can withstand the mockery that may come from mean people then go out and tell the world your problems.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. is surrogate a bad thing? everytime 'obey your husband' even when he's asking her to lie and pretend. Are you people worshipping God or marriage? Nothing to be ashamed about. If people become more open about surrogacy it will become more popular and hence even more cheaper. Many people in America do it, Nigerians included. IVF is a PAINFUL procedure please

      Delete
    2. Nne eh
      I taya o.
      So surrogates go get mockery
      Known Polithieves una go hail them open toto collect una share okwa ya?
      Known kidnappers/yahoo boys, una go open toto collect fork, collect blood money come
      go social mmebi dey pose?
      Amu robbers, horseband snatchers, dubai (toto) shareholders una go dey hail them say them toto
      dey expand and them get big gods eh?
      Another woman come sacrifice carry pikin for another woman, una go mock am treat am like market thief?
      Persin go yarn say na nyansh drilling with persin horseband dey sweet am pass una go hail am
      Naija girls unu eyibego egwu ooo. 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲
      Bianu na ara agbabagonu ndi ara o.😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲

      Delete
  8. It is well with you poster.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't see why people like deceiving others. The baby is yours but another woman helped u carry it....so freaken what!? Yes you are a hypocrite na....since u even call out pastors and yet u wana do the same.

    I know my pastor is also trying IVF but she doesn't know that I know. I pray that everything works out well for her

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why do we like been harsh on ourselves, is the world not harsh enough?
      The poster is now learning why d bible says not, so that you will not be judged. Must you have all ur personal details out dia bcos u want to be all sanctimonious? I bet you know it is not worth it.
      Please, do not embarrass it husband, he has cooperated and has let you know how what he doesn't want. You both are in this togeda.
      Your personal life is not ur naibor's business. You feel like this bcos you have stuck ur nose into other people's business and embarrassed them with it without knowing their story.
      The ball is in ur court, what do u stand to loose if you keep it business and the process to yourself and what do u stand to gain if you don't? Think it tru,it is your personal call to make bcos you will live with the results or consequences of it.

      Delete
    2. Lolzzz.... easy for you to say when you have nothing to loose.

      Delete
    3. She's not. She dislikes people who lie about their situation and has no problem with their method of solution. Capish?

      Delete
    4. Detective Adaobi2 April 2019 at 16:34

      I suggest you go back and read the chronicle again, this time please read it slowly. Thank you.

      Delete
    5. Detective Adaobi2 April 2019 at 16:37

      Hey my response wasn't for you, it was for another comment. Please disregard.

      Delete
    6. That is why she has to stop calling out people...anyway they'll soon call her out as she wan fake pregnancy so

      Delete
  10. I don't like judgemental people like you castigating others when you haven't worn their shoe, anyway, goodluck on your next treatment, not everyone broadcast their stories for fear of stigma coz Nigeria is not yet mature enof to accept even ivf self, cos some people will look at u funny, even enlightened people still view ivf as not God's plan, that being said since fear of fat won't make u undergo another one, use a surrogate n tell d world, u could've even maximise ur chances by doing it along side d surrogate, people do it everyday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Asking others to do the right thing isn't being judgemental.

      Delete
    2. Poster please listen to blackberry, consider going through with the ivf alongside surrogacy...I am a doctor and have worked in an ivf center, and I tell you, majority of Nigerians are judgemental, we are not yet ready to fully accept procedures such as these....go with your husband's advice of wearing a prosthetics, it will shield you and your family from unnecessary side talks. I wish you all the best

      Delete
    3. This is a dicey situation, I don't even know what to advice. Will she keep changing the size of the prosthetics as the supposed pregnancy progresses. How about all those family/friends that like rubbing your tummy, which I hate BTW and they find out its fake. Is that not worse.
      Or the oversabi aunties that when the baby is crying, they start shouting, give your pikin breast nau. will you say you cant breastfeed.
      I know a lady that till today ppl are doubting she's the one that had her son just because she was TCC for about 15yrs, she travelled pretty early and came back with the beautiful boy. Some church members started gossiping that did anyone see her breastfeed the child when they went visiting?
      people are just horrible,iv always advocated surrogacy bcos quite honestly its still your child and shld be no ones biz but yours.

      Delete
  11. Awww the most important thing to me is you get to carry your babies. Congratulations

    ReplyDelete
  12. If you are a Christian ask yourself just one question- what will Jesus do? It’s a difficult road and I am not saying this in condemnation but as a reality check. May you hear His still calm voice as you decide.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It isn't a sin for someone else to assist one continue their lineage,in the old testament,a brother was mandated to continue his late bro's lineage, it is just that their are so many mean people around, people that mock the upright and praise the law breaker, if people can mock Virgins and people who refuse to accept bribes then they will toast you for being unable to bring forth your child and will gladly make the child feel weird, personal I minimise the people I relate with and I make sure they are upright people who would hardly compromise.

      Delete
    2. Who said anything about sin here again ooo anon!?

      Delete
  13. Find a way to convince your husband into allowing you be as truthful as possible when God blesses you people through an angel carrier. (surrogacy) You say he's cooperative and understanding. A lot of people do it these days and lie about it. Allow God to use you so people can see that it's no biggie. Congratulations in advance madam.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Your hubby doesn't want outsiders to see his home as anything less than what it should be. This surrogate thing Nigerians are still backward oo. World people can use mouth and destroy your home if they get to know.

    Secondly, if you don't hide it as you like to announce, you can champion surrogacy awareness in we country. Its a good thing oo. lol

    Madam decide with your husband, he should be on the same page as you be it for or against before this thing scatter your happy home.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The only problem here is what people will say. I think that's your husband's fear he doesn't want a situation where by people will start poke nosing and asking questions of which they will certainly do. But now it will take you to begin to explain to anyone that asks still people who don't know about it will give you side eyes. But like you said won't want to tell lies and appear a hypocrite, stand your ground and let your husband know this is how you feel about it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Poster i might be wrong but i feel Nigeria has not gotten to that stage yet where they see such thing as nothing, they won't even understand that the child is sorely yours.

    I feel you should do exactly what your husband is saying, forget that i don't lie itch. i know people opinion doesn't matter, but it also do matters.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When even CS is still an abomination to some people in this una country!!!!

      Delete
  17. It's a blessing to have your dreams come true even if it's via surrogacy. Don't cloud it with deceit and exploitation.

    whatever you decide on is your prerogative.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is what you get when you're very judgemental.anything can happen to anyone,i bet if not for your difficulties with having a child you would have had a higher than life attitude,look at how life has humbled you.let's be more sensitive to other people's predicament pls.i hope you learn a thing or two from this temporary life lesson you're going through.may God grant you your heart desires,amen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster they are already mocking you, did you see this statement about life humbling you? I know one thing about us is we dont want people to speak against the sins we commit, we start screaming Jugdemental and wish them evil , but if we don't speak against the ills in our society it will gradually consume us,e.g. the whole country is littered with fraudsters and prostitutes because no one wants to speak out against the ills.

      Delete
    2. exactly what i was about to type. never say never. being judgmental is evil

      Delete
    3. She's not judgemental. She hates lies. Some hide and do ivf but skip that part when they testify if waiting on the Lord. That's not fair .

      Delete
    4. GBAM! GBAM!

      Delete
    5. Since she hates lies na let her be truthful and call a conference meeting for everyone to meet the surrogate mom when she starts with it...

      You hate lies and you're still here asking questions🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️

      Delete
  19. I don't even knw wht to say sef..u n ur husband should discuss n come to a conclusion n ask God to touch him to accept ur terms...tho he has a point in wht he said.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Do what you have to do woman! And stop complaining, world people always have something to say, in case you need a mom, I'm very much available and would really love to help. Congratulations in advance.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dear poster why not go along with your husband's idea of wearing a prosthetics. People don't need to know if your babies were born via surrogacy. You can tell people it's IVF which isn't a lie.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Get ur surrogate, wear your prosthetic womb and keep your mouth shut madam! Must the world know what u did? The universe doesnt need any more motivational speakers so madam when ur baby comes nurture it in peace!
    In a way God is teaching you that all those people you have judged in the past are human too! Until you wear a person’s shoes wish them well
    Best of luck and congratulations

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. best advice,no body cares how you did it..they jst want to see result...dont waste your time lamenting. and also consider the effect it may av on the kids when they start growing and pple tell them that there mum wasn't the one who gave birth to them

      Delete
  23. I'll suggest you travel out of the country pending when the baby will be delivered.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The travelling out is worse. They will still talk

      Delete
    2. They will say they never saw her with pregnancy that she went to buy pikin

      Delete
    3. It's not worse abeg. Travelling out is very common and no one says anything .rich people go abroad to have babies all the time and for somone that has waited, people will even blsne the guy if he doesn't send her to the abroad so make sure everything goes well with the birth. Doing that is smarter than trying to wear fake stuff. What if someone vtouches it and gives you away

      Delete
  24. There are people who would want to take the part of surrogacy, if yours would give them hope and will, then do it. In life, people must have needed to things to say, it's left to us to ignore them, or listen to them and let them decide our fate.

    ReplyDelete
  25. May God come through for you. Fat is not a disease o, you can always try again by yourself, just see it as another form of sacrifice.

    I also feel that there is no big deal in compromising with your husband and please stop being judgemental of other People's way of life. Best of luck.

    ReplyDelete
  26. So your husband is understanding when it comes to you but you can't understand him and do him this favour? Do you know how many women will do anything just for their husbands to say yes to surogacy?

    Okay madam please do what pleases you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! like whats your problem with the world people. Some husbands are not conceding to IVF let alone surrogacy . Just hank your God you have a very loving and understanding husband cos some are just wocked!

      Delete
  27. You see why it's not good to judge people?

    Me too I'm confused on what to advice you since you've been condemning same acts of others in the past.

    Or, maybe, you can convince your hubby and enlighten him that there's nothing wrong in another woman helping you carry your baby.

    Or, you obey and go with his opinion to keep your home before we starts hearing stories of "my hubby impregnated another woman/girl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most Nigerian men would never agree to that! Think about it. I mean, his extended family gets to know? They would jejely get him a new bride.

      Delete
  28. Hey darl,
    Since this is the one small compromise hubby has asked you to make , can you do it for him without complaints?
    As you said yourself, he deserves this

    ReplyDelete
  29. If you have ever mocked or stigmatized handicapped, the poor, single ladies, single mothers, or been a womb watcher for those trying to conceive and you're sympathizing with poster, you are a hypocrite! The society she and her hubby are afraid of...that society is us, you and I. Your comments, your words..hurt people and gives strength to the side words, side eyes, stigma, rumor etc. How will you change society without changing yourself? How will you teach the children when you are still vile as an adult?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She is against those lying in their testimonies,I also have my reservation for those lying about how they continued praying after 20 years and boom pregnancy and birth. A truthful testimony could have saved a lot of people some pains and delays.while I was single, I have always told my friends how I would go ivf if pregnancy don't come immediately and God didn't punish me oh, he made sure I always get them at first try. People should live their truth. Surrogacy should be made open and encourage or child stealing and baby selling business will continue to boom.
      Thanks poster for calling them out. You didn't the right thing.you see you fellow woman suffering, you can advice cos you already lied to her in your testimony. Please wait, and pray and convince your husband to be on the same page with you.never do what he is asking you to do. Live your truth so no one will shatter your joy by bringing out into the open things that shouldn't be a secret in the first place.Your only job now is to educate and convince your husband. Don't wear anything. And yes, go to church and give your testimony loud and clear, and so some cowards will start crawling out. Everyone shouting Nigeria is not ripe for this and that what have you done to change it, nothing just waiting for someone.Poster, this is you chance but first convince your husband and others are non consequential

      Delete
  30. It's your life. Do you hun.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Madam, if you have no peace when u think about it know it is wrong. See people will talk but give them max 5 months they 'll forget. My pastor kingsley okonkwo of David's Christian centre first adopted his first child(A girl) before giving birth to his own biological child and he talks about that girl with love. Don't allow d devil to turn your testimony into a lie. Don't wear anything

    ReplyDelete
  32. Nekwa nu ndi Pharisees o.
    Madam, do not join the Pharisees.
    Stay true to whom you are and know say
    nothing dey wrong with having a surrogate. Naija girls always dey find wahala where wahala no dey.
    If you do am, anytime you see that child, e go remind you say you be hypocrite!
    Tell your husband make im respect ya view on this.
    Surrogacy should be celebrated! Surrogate mothers are paying enormous sacrifices.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gbam.Nigeria is not ripe for this and that and no one will do anything to change that even when they have the chance

      Delete
  33. Why don't you guys adopt? What is wrong with Nigerians and adoption! You want to use somebody else to carry your child who would accept because of money. That is exploitation which I despise. If somebody would do it for free like your sister then fine. I hate when people are exploited or make money out of people's strugggle. Adopt or use an altruistic surrogate!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't tell her what to do. She wabts her own blood either by compensation or altruism. Don't force someone to adopt if she's not ready for that

      Delete
    2. Pls shatap. Surrogacy is not exploitation. Stop talking rubbish. She will pay or the person will volunteer. What nonsense are you saying . Adoption us for everyone. Leave her be

      Delete
    3. See your mouth like exploitation.

      Delete
    4. What is this one saying now!? As I'm here I am ready to do it for someone that I know but they haven't asked so I don't wana impose those things on people....I'm not even thinking about the money. It's just that I know the stress they're in ttcing for longgggg

      Delete
    5. Pls offer even playfully. They might be scared to ask. I'd be scared to ask my sister and I know she loves me but I'll feel like she can't say no if she wants to

      Delete
  34. Your Hubby shouldn't be bothered with what people ll say..this is between u two.Do not be coerced since it's against what u believe in..The world has gone global for crying out loud,anyone who doesn't know about Surrogacy n fertility techs is sleeping.Do what u deem best..

    ReplyDelete
  35. You have an understanding husband but you on the other hand is not understanding...Oh I see!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Poster I will advice you to do exactly what your husband asked you to do. Tell a small white lie.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I dont think you have to wear prosthetic belly.Leave your environment for sometime and return with your baby.That way you won't be lying or deceiving anyone.I wish you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  38. This is Africa!
    No matter how many times u have gone abriad or how rich u are. U will always be surroneded by African mentality.
    We are yet to embrace surrogacy..don't allow ur kid to suffer emotional pain and laughter from the world.
    Some people get head and no sense in it.
    Some do have anointing in immature talks and insults.
    So pls follow hubby's advice and keep it a secret.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Poster try to convince your husband not to use that prosthetic...., just like you, i find it so difficult keeping up with lies cos i might expose myself someday so i rather prefer not attempting at all. Btw, must we live to please people, everything about us must not be perfect as your husband is implying,anyway if he insist, go for the ivf and work on your weight loss afterward.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Madam, this is a delicate issue. I understand where you are coming from a bit. I hate lies and pretense a lot, I'm not righteous though!

    But this is NIGERIA, NIGERIANS have NIGERIANS MENTALITY(read this slowly). We are still in the era of NIGERIANS being judgmental and hateful about IVF and surrogacy. Can you live with the stigma? Can you allow your babies live with the stigma as kids. Most Nigerians believe if you didnt have intercourse, get pregnant and deliver from your virginia then you can't be called a mom and that something is wrong for nothing birthing your children "naturally". Madam think deeply. I like someone's suggestion. You might think of travelling with the surrogate to a different country, when she want to put to bed, you guys can come back together after a while.

    My Aunt did it, she is matured and became a surrogate for someone, a yoruba couple,while she is isoko, she stays in PH and is petite, how she got to be connected i don't know, i mean she is an adult, i will see pictures of her in South Africa, The states even UK thinking what the hell is she travelling about for and who is funding all this? I know she doesn't do big god, she doesn't have a career or business. She has had kids for the couple and she is living the life. Nobody knows jack, when i confronted her that she was pregnant in excitement, she blocked me on SM and won't pick my calls.
    Please speak with your hubby that you won't wear any fake thing but will leave the country when the surrogate is 5months, go birth your kids abroad, take things easy, you said you are fat, let the fat be for now, it will hide the fact you didnt carry your babies in your womb.
    But think of your husband and kids of what people will say if they know you didn't birth them.

    Finally, I still believe in miracles, as you are planning to birth your babies through surrogacy, the CREATOR that wasn't CREATED can perform miracles weak womb or not. He doesn't see us the way we see ourselves. He manufactured it, He can fix it. Goodluck ma'am. I wish you all the best.

    Iya Boyz, Stellz, i hope this doesn't enter your Owoh soup pot!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Drugs make you fat? Something that will help you get pregnant but you choose your out look over important matter.
    Nothing to say again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do find that a little silly. Madam poster rethink your sense

      Delete
  42. Sweetheart, what happens in a family stays in the family but nothing really stays hidden for long, sooner or later it will come out. The way you choose to have your baby is strictly between you and your hubby and no concern of others, strictly speaking.

    Darling, I totally understand how you feel, we had our first two angels via IVF and it wasn't a smooth ride. OMG! It was horrible! My hormones were through the roof, the weight gain was traumatic! Had issues with water retention so from a size 10 I ballooned to a size 18!!! This is me, a lady who vanity becomes her. I take my looks seriously serious. Lol! To me, style trumps comfort. I can rock 6" stilettoes for 12 hours instead of flats then cry to hubby for a foot massage. Imagine vain me waddling around with all that weight and I had to go through all that TWICE. Imagine our surprise when our third, our miracle prince arrived naturally and I was a size 8 till I had him. So sis, you're preaching to the choir. I totally understand the rigours of IVF.

    Since as a united front you guys have decided to try surrogacy and the only issue is how you feel about wearing prosthetics and lying about it, the question is, is lying about your "pregnancy" a price too high to pay for the peace in your home to be maintained? Put differently, would you feel better with a clear conscience but with a pissed off hubby? You've enjoyed a happy home in spite of not having kids, I don't think you should allow your piety rock the boat. It's time to take one for the team. You may not be able to fool everyone but at least you're in it with your hubby. Both of you will face the consequences together.

    I'm not a fan of such a bold face lie but sometimes we have to compromise for the sake of peace. If you can't convince your hubby to ignore people's judgement then you have to bite the bullet and have a go at another round of IVF, the reward far outweighs the disadvantages. If you don't want another try, then you have to go with hubby's idea and wear prosthetics. You really don't have to go about confirming or denying speculations because it's nobody's business. Now you know not to be too hasty to criticise until you've walked a mile in a person's knickers. A baby should bring joy to a home and not conflict. Choose your options wisely.

    e-hugs and kisses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love this comment.
      1million likes!!!

      Delete
  43. I really want to say a lot to you, but I am constrained at the moment and would not really be able to do so. My area of specialisation is reproductive health and I understand you and your husband's predicament.

    Marriage is a partnership and it is built on understanding, tolerance of a different view and compromises. Without these, life will be a lot more difficult.

    There is no shame in using a surrogate, I sometimes work with surrogacy agencies and draw up contracts for them, but everyone's perception of Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART)is different. This also affects their acceptance of it and influences the ways in which they are willing to take advantage of ART. The journey to having a baby is not an individual or lone journey, it is a collective or joint journey, including and involving your partner. Therefore, you must go about it in ways that does not result in a negative or uncomfortable perception of the process by your partner. You must also be careful to go about it in a way that will not affect the love or acceptance of the child that will result from the assisted conception process by your partner.

    If using prosthetic pregnancy will positively enhance your journey to having a child, make your husband more accepting of the process, cause him to at least 'publicly' bask in the euphoria of his wife finally carrying HIS /OUR baby, make him feel confident and not threaten his manliness particularly before other men, WHY do you then want to rob him of these and even many more unspoken desires that he has not communicated to you yet.

    You said these and I will quote you 'My husband's level of cooperation, understanding, support and faithfulness still shocks me after years of marriage'. Is wearing prosthetic pregnancy not too small a sacrifice to make for this man who has stood firmly by you in your TTC journey? You don't always have to tell all your story to people you know? It does not make you a liar!!!!!

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    1. I'm sorry faking a pregnancy is too much even for a man I love. It won't end with the birth. ShellS be faking stories for the rest of her life. Where .she has her kids and they start having babies, will she fake her experience to them too. What story will she tell. She has a perfectly reasonable story nwo that she can oriavtely share with those that matter. I wouldn't want to be in a position where I'm making up stuff to family mememem. Will she also lie to her mother. OMG the horror.

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    2. She won't lie to her mother na. But outsiders shud not know. When her kids are of marriageable age ,she can tell them na.

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    3. Anon 19:27
      Pray to God almighty that life doesn't put you in such a fix. For now, shut the fack up, except you have been in the poster's shoe

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    4. we need to stop prioritising men's feelings over ours. women are humanbeings too and their feelings matter. Her salvation too matters. abi christianity is only submission to husband

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    5. 04 can't you see you're the foolish one. I'm supporting poster and you're saying pray life blah blah . What does one have to do with the other
      She hates lying and I do too .

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  44. M y fear if you decide to let it out would be the kids. It would take them a while to understand and believe it or not, they would be mocked with it.

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  45. You can share your testimony by saying that you did IVF, which is true, Tell them about the failed cycles, tell them about the failed IVF, then tell them that God used technology to make it possible for you to become a mother. Tell them that several options are available for mothers who are trying to conceive, tell them they can do surrogacy, tell them they can get an egg donor if they are comfortable with it, tell them they can use a sperm donor if it is compatible with their faith and convictions. But they mustn't all know the intricacies of your journey to motherhood.
    Who knows, a few months down the line, after the birth of your first child, when God helps you conceive another child naturally, you can share the story of your use of a surrogate and tell them that was an information you did not feel comfortable sharing at the time, because of societal perception, BUT THAT IS ONLY, IF YOUR HUSBAND BECOMES COMFORTABLE WITH THAT LATER.

    Choose your battles wisely woman, the Lord has blessed you with a husband who is willing to travel this road with you. My Uncle waited with his wife for ten years and after that, said he was fed up with trying and waiting, he got another woman pregnant and has three children with her now, he is married to her also and is still married to the first woman, though they all live separately. It is rare to find a patient and understanding man who is willing to support you when he can easily have children with another woman. Don't threaten the peace of your home over 'sharing your EXPERIENCE TRUTHFULLY with other women' women who will hear your experience and still go back to their lives If you need support through the process, search for the 'fertile chick' online. You will find a community of women who share their TTC journey and who will hold your hands through the process.
    People go to their grave with really dark secrets; e.g people whose children do not belong to their husbands, people who 'bought' babies and you are really worrying your pretty head over this!!!!!!!! Please accept the offer to have a child with a surrogate, keep it quiet and enjoy motherhood. If you are not comfortable with it, ask a doctor for hormonal drugs that will make you have all the pregnancy symptoms, including a big tummy for nine months.

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    1. God bless you for this comment..best comment

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  46. A lot has been said poster.
    Do what suits you.

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  47. Poster, just do what your husband said, wear the prosthetic and keep your mouth shut, you don’t need to go about telling people what you did, if you have the time you can also go abroad till your surrogate give birth, when you hold your child I am sure you won’t even bother about what people will say.
    I know a woman that gave birth to her two children via surrogate, at first she was nervous about what people will say but after their birth she doesn’t even hide it, she is very rich, people were saying all sorts that she used her womb for rituals that is why she couldn’t birth her children but this woman doesn’t care what people are saying..

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  48. My only question now in addition to all that has been said is how you will manage the breast feeding in the presence of people, to convince them you gave birth yourself? That's my only worry.
    I know there is a condition called mastitis that makes breast feeding difficult for new mums. But will your visitors believe that you have the problem which makes breastfeeding painful and almost impossible.
    I found a lot of information on how to deal with TTC issues on fertile chick blog, it deals with infertility and treatment Reach out to them there .

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    1. My friend carried her baby and did not breast feed

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    2. Do you know you can breastfeed without giving birth. In those days when a woman can’t breastfeed or died during child birth, her mother can help breast feed the baby. Also as a medical professional, the baby sucking can help breast milk production and also there’s a drug to help you produce breast milk. Ask your doctor about all these if you want to breastfeed. I really cannot advice you faking the pregnancy. The choice is totally yours but if your reason for refusing Ivf is fat then I honestly think you are not ready to be a mother. Xxbarbiexx

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    3. Some babies naturally reject the breast, they don't want it at all. There are some like new who self weaned at an early stage, for me I stopped taking breast milk at four months. Also, some women don't produce enough milk to sate their baby's appetite so they have to give them formula from the get go. Others decide to bottle feed exclusively because they are small breasted and don't want to be sucked dry. This will not be an issue for her, I don't think ppl care too much in these times if you choose to exclusively bottle feed your baby.

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  49. I think you should just try the IVF one more time. I believe it will work this time. You can always loose the weight. Inugo?
    That way, nobody has to bother about surrogates or prosthetic bumps.

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  51. Take your time and explain things through to your husband , having a child through a sorogate is not a sin an nothing to be ashamed of hence the pretence. In my church this year alone we have had 10 already. People are even opting for open adoption now d

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  52. The truth always have a way of coming out, and it usually does in the most painful way possible. If you don't want to wear a prosthetic device then travel out and stay away for a few months and then resurface with your baby.

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  53. This chronicle is living proof that nobody's life is perfect no matter how it looks on the outside. Everybody is going through their own shyt.

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  54. Madam poster, you are being really selfish in this marriage. You have a man who has been understanding and patient, and is only asking you for one thing, but you are more concerned about what people will say. Smh
    How about his ego as a man?
    His family?
    Friends?
    Colleagues?
    Oh it's always about you yea? Better be careful before you loose a good man over a trivial issue.
    My sister's husband waited 10yrs after their first child but couldn't keep up, he got his side chic pregnant, and today they have two kids while my sister is still waiting on the Lord, and his family supports his decision.
    Please get a surrogate and travel with her at 5mths, even if it is to SA or GH, when baby is born you return home OR try the IVF one more time... Forget about plenty motivatioal words on social media, likes, or what people will say, focus on your marriage because at the end of the day, these social media likes won't save your marriage or give you a child of your own... Wisdom is profitable to direct

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  55. There's nothing there in d surrogate,I appreciate your husband support but if being free ND truthful about the subject issue is what you want he should try to support you on it

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  56. Longest time lurker and this is my very first comment.

    I used a surrogate for my most amazing twins. I didn’t wear any prosthetic and I am fairly senior level at a multinational. For their naming ceremony, I had a massive party and danced my heart out.

    Men and women from far and wide asked me how I did it. I counselled them, as best as I could with my experience and since then many of my friends and colleagues have had babies using IVF, surrogacy, and adoption.

    When the heart wants what it wants, no ones opinion matters. Nope.

    All the best.

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