Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Thursday, April 25, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmmmmm........







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

WEIRD SITUATION



Good day Stella. I've been meaning to send this mail so I can get other people's opinion on this weird issue. 


I met this guy 18 months ago, when we met I was going through a phase(health wise) which I told him about. We had a heart to heart and I opened up about everything. 


He really encouraged me and was constantly calling to check up on me. Even while I was in the hospital he was coming to see me, he even paid quarter of the medical bills. 

My family and friends think we're dating, Stella you need to see how hard I have tried to convince them that we're not. Even the nurses at the hospital kept calling him my boyfriend, I was too weak to argue so I just smiled along. My mum even called me aside when I was discharged and asked me to be honest with her, I told her the same thing. She then asked me if he asked me out and I turned him down, I said no. 


Now since I have known this guy, he has never asked about my relationship status, if I'm seeing anyone or if I'm even having s#x. He likes to pretend that part of my life doesn't exist but I find that weird because if someone is your friend especially someone of the opposite s#x, you guys will talk about things like that. 


This guy gives me 99 percent of anything I ask him. He calls me, confides a lot of things in me, in fact I am his de facto girlfriend. He wants us to hang out, attend functions together, go see a movie and all that but that's where I drew the line and told him to go and get a girlfriend.


I have male friends but one this unhealthy, I am no longer comfortable. I am not against us being close but I feel he is too emotionally invested in this "friendship". Even my cousin said he's using me to pass time until he gets someone to marry. Truth is I don't like him enough to date him. 

When I liked him has passed now I just see him as a friend nothing more. 

Did I also mention that one time I called him and he was a hotel room, He lied to me the the was home. I called him the next day and asked him why he lied. I am not his girlfriend, I don't care who he's shagging, he was so embarrassed because he would rather die than admit he's seeing anyone.


Stella I want to stop asking him for anything. There's a thin line between friendship and emotional attachment and I feel he's constantly crossing it. On two or three occasions he has dropped some s#xual innuendos which I warned him about. People might say this guy is just being nice to you but deep in my heart I know this isn't how normal friendship is supposed to be because with the kind of care and attention he gives me what will be left to give another girl? 


Bvs am I overreacting or are my assumptions right. Also if anyone has been in this type of situationship before please share how you handled it. Thanks in advance and kisses.



*You are just a confused human being......
So you dont want to be friends again or are you upset he didnt ask you out when you wanted...

he is not your kind of guy?SMH but you took from him when he was gifting you?He was there for you when you needed someone?OK since he is not your type,let him go and you go your way If it is not obvious to you that you are with someone who is really shy but really likes you..
Some smart Ladies would have noticed this and helped him or have a heart to heart talk...some will sit down and be waiting to be toasted until he falls in love with someone else...........

131 comments:

  1. Yeah he likes you and you already know so what do you want us to do? Don't push him away just yet. If you don't like him that much, keep being friends with him and wait for Mr. right

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sounds like dude is gay and is just keeping you around so people can assume he has a girlfriend

      Delete
    2. A girl can always tell why she doesnt like a guy or why she cant date him, this poster didnt tell us.
      But you told us you liked him before, so what changed?

      Delete
    3. The problem here is that the relationship has not been defined by both parties. Until then, you guys will just be skating on never never land. A total waste of time.

      Delete
    4. I once had a guy treat me like this, i gave him red flags too and i liked him but yet he never said what he wanted. I summoned courage and poured out my heart to him and also asked him what he wanted but he just told me how he appreciated my courage. From then i decided to enjoy the moments and waited for what ever would come. Well the guy ghosted me for no reason at the end. I wasn't happy but its all good now.

      Don't ask him nothing, go with the flow, if he eventually says something good if not dont put your mind in it, keep an open mind and enjoy it all. A man knows what he wants from the word Go and if he isnt saying anything maybe he is weighing his options or he wants to be sure. You like him already so enjoy yourself but keep an open mind and don't push him away. Goodluck

      Delete
    5. Greenlight*

      Delete
  2. You should have a heart to heart talk with him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only a desperate fool will say this. Heart to heart to discuss what?

      Delete
  3. Only useless men invest in women.women are meant to be gbenshyn alone.only fools will respond to this.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Stella I beg to disagree with your red pen. Nigeria is not a country where you ask a man out, 9 out of 10 times the lady ends up regretting it. And as you can the poster already said she wants to stop receiving things from him. Poster please don't ask him out, you'll regret it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you abeg! Heart to heart talk as how na? Mtchewwwww

      Delete
    2. poster @15:08, she can have a conversation with him, heart to heart. she does not need to toast him, all she need do is sit him down and ask him to define their relationship. is simple! No reasonable man will take a bold and eloquent lady for granted. By asking a man what he wants is not been cheap. It is simple clarity and to avoid unnecessary drama.

      Delete
  5. Do guys still ask the question “will u please be my girl”? Because if it’s me, me and dat guy are dating already o.this was how my husband was acting when we were friends until he popped d question and and I fell on his di*k one day mistakenly lol.

    Now we are husband and wife and he’s a sweetheart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ‘

      Delete
    2. Hahahaha my husband never asked me out too,never even proposed too. The way we met is even funny. We had spoken on the phone for like 3 weeks. He finally came to pick me for a date and we had sex that same night. I was shocked,never done such before.
      And we just continued seeing eachother. No,can you be my girlfriend.
      8months later I got pregnant. He was even desperate for a child cos he was 38,I was 33. We were not kids.
      After the pregnancy we told our parents. Did traditional marriage and registry before I started showing.

      Delete
    3. Your husband is an outlier. SIMPLE

      Delete
    4. Same as me. My hubby never asked me out, we just started dating and he’s the best thing ever. Which one is can you be my gf😌 if you guys clearly know what you want. When I was seeing my hubby, I had a bf, he had a girlfriend too, we were good friends. He had issues with his gf, later on my ex bf broke up with me because he wanted to relocate. I will remind him tonight, I know we’ll have a good laugh tonight, we are more of friends than a couple, we do everything together, ride or die.

      Delete
    5. So 3weeks talking on the phone was what lol

      Delete
  6. I think you’re the one emotionally invested in the “friendship”. How did you find out he was in a hotel if he didn’t disclose? Also why do you feel the need to remind him he needs a girlfriend when he asks to hangout? Has he said “come let’s go out as partners”?.

    You need to calm down, you sound upset that he treats you as his girl when he hasn’t asked you and while it’s good you’re not falling over, it’s best you enjoy the companionship. He hasn’t forced you to do anything and if you truly are uncomfortable with the arrangement then it’s best to let him go. Stop entertaining his calls and messages. Perhaps, he is married or not sure if he wants to be in a committed relationship. Also, I don’t get what your cousin meant by “he is using you”. Does hanging out with him take anything from you? When he was a shoulder to lean on and paying hospital bills, who was using who? See I’m all for people opening their mouth to talk. If I were you I’d ask him point blank “his intentions”, as in Oga what’s this thing we are doing? If he doesn’t say anything sensible I’d just blank out but that’s me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The world would be a better place if we were just honest and straightforward with each other honestly.

      Delete
    2. Aye.......πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘
      sense

      Delete
  7. This is how some women lose good men in their lives and be lookin for outspoken men that would show them pepper..Like stella said,u dont like him but u accepted all he was giving u..Naija gals stop this bullshit,if u see a guy is givin u hints,be able to talk to him about him,some guys wont be caught dead askin a woman out so the one they manage to get,she wuld be the one with them forever..They dont have that liver..Have a talk with this guy nd dont throw ur man away

    ReplyDelete
  8. You like him.

    That's why you wrote in to Stella with this long epistle.

    Stop deceiving yourself..

    Sit him down and ask what's up. You guys are dating already, this is what dating should be about.

    Ask him to state his intentions so both of you could stop behaving like teenagers.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lemme drink my cold kunnu. This sun is too much and this chronicle just gave me migraine headache.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Poster darling πŸ˜€. Some men are not into too much talk ooh. He likes you, maybe love even but your attitude is scaring him away.

    Calm down, you hear. If you truly see him as a friend, you will love him. A true friend loves.

    ReplyDelete
  11. He’s not your kind of person yet you cling to him and collect stuff from him.
    You don’t have sense o.
    A wise girl will find a way to make him her boyfriend/husband.
    Keep complaining .
    Man wey I for don colonize since.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No be everybody be ashawo like you. Have some dignity

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    2. I tell you!

      Delete
  12. Will I say that it is "ogbanje" that is worrying most ladies. You are the problem here. Sit him down and tell him what 'You' want. Many girls are looking for this kind of opportunity, spend on me , care for me but don't mention sex. It is you that will define the relationship, this is not marriage please.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I swear i love you for that comment

      Delete
    2. Very soon they will say they can't find husbands. You better take this opportunity.
      This "he is not my type of guy" have made many women old,lonely and single.
      All these nice looking men you are seeing now. Go check their pics from 20yrs ago, even 10yrs and you see as some worwor.
      If it's his appearance or dressing you don't like there is a way you can tush him up afterall he has the money and he seems to listen.
      My aunty personally told me my uncle wasn't really her spec but she was able to mold him,changed his dressing with his money,even rearrange his home. By the time they married and she cooked good food for him. The man became fresh.

      Delete
    3. Anon 15:12, I met a guy recently who spent on me, took care of me and didn't mention sex until I found out he was GAY... poster be careful.

      Delete
  13. Poster I will say that you are not taking the right step in solving this. Sit him down and ask him what he really want. Let him tell you if you guys are just friends or he want something more. Again love is not all that matters in a relationship. Good luck. It will surely end in praise

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is the same way one aunty i know was doing shakara for one guy till she had one horrible accident that she almost lost her hand,she couldn't do anytin at a point nd this same guy she was doin shakara for was the one washing her clothes even down to underwear,guy man did all for her meanwhile she had a guy she wanted to marry then in her mind o,nd that one didnt do half..They didnt tell her before she chose the guy that stood by her,sometimes this is just God's way of tellin us this is who i want u to have..Hold on to this guy cuz he wuld treat u well..Hold on to him,good guys are scarce

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your advice is based on a lot of fear. Decisions shouldn't be made cos of fear.

      Delete
  15. Lol... Dude is either married,engaged or in a seriouuuus relationship #fact

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yaba left escapee25 April 2019 at 15:55

      ...or has mouth odour πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      Its possible when she was sick she had catarrh also & couldnt perceive it, but now her nose is clear.
      She didnt say why she liked him then, and see him as a friend now, what went wrong?

      Delete
    2. God bless you. He doesn't want her at all because he is invested somewhere. Same situation happened to me. He was treating like his girl but never asked me out. Showing excessive care and concern. He was too perfect but still wouldn't open his mouth to officially ask me to his woman. I got tired and told asked him hat he wanted.
      He opened his dirty mouth and told me he wants us to be friends with benefit. I was infuriated, all this just to get into my pants. I told him if you wanted that , there are some girls around who wouldn't mind so why don't you go for them. He said they aren't his type. They want to poo but not on any floor. They would still be looking for gold tiled floor to poo on. That was the last time I spoke to him. A few weeks later he uploaded his family picture and that was someone pretending to be single at the time he hing out with me.

      Poster this guy doesnt want anything serious with you stop fooling yourself. He acts like your personal life doesn't exist before truly that's none of his business he just wants sex from you. He couldn't open his mouth to ask you out but he could open it to utter a few "SEXUAL INNUENDOS". because that's what he wants. If hat is not a red flag I don't know what else is. He hadaleasy stylishly opened his mouth to tell you what his intentions are with you by hinting with sexual comments but you warned him to stop. He doesn't love you. You are confused because he has refused to open his mouth and ask you out directly. He won't okay. He is not scared you would turn him down, he is not scared you God stop being his friend . He is not opening his mouth to do the needful because he doesn't want you in that way.

      Delete
    3. I would have thought I wrote your comment anony 16:03. Dear poster, although I cant say for a fact, but there is every possibility this guy is married. Na their way ooo, show you all the love and attention but refrain from asking you too much details about your relationship status because he deosn't want you prying into his. A man who wants a serious relationship will definitely find a way to either tell you or show you unequivocally.

      Delete
    4. But I need to know the health challenge.

      Delete
  16. Stella edon tey when u date oh. There are guys like this everywhere
    Dude likes her company. She’s a good girl. He likes loving her and sleeping with others but he doesn’t want her to know about the others because a good girl will stop talking to him. They’ll buy you expensive things but they don’t want marriage or something very serious. Sometimes you’re even the only one in their life. Finally told the guy that treats me like that it’s ok lets have sex since u say that’s why you’re not signing in the dotted line, since that day he no talk about I love u but don’t want no sex relationship . Poster if you’re not sure if he likes you, go ahead and ask him. See whether he’ll say he’s interested . Don’t stress yourself wondering. Just ask

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly Anon. If the guy's conscience is clear that they're just friends, he won't be hiding his relationship from her. The guy is keeping her incase his other girlfriend fails him.

      Delete
    2. Hes still weighing options to know which one he'd choose

      Delete
    3. Everyone keeps giving different opinions to confuse this poster.madam na you dey wear the shoe,I suggest a heart to heart talk,from there I’m definitely sure you’ll know his intentions.

      Delete
  17. Yaba left escapee25 April 2019 at 15:18

    "When I liked him has passed now I just see him as a friend nothing more"..... Really??
    When you were having health challenges & hospitalized you liked him then, but now that phase is over, your eyes are now opened, you gave him greenlight till ure up on ur feet, & now youve turned red.
    If hes playing it safe & walking on egg shells around you, why not coke clean with him, while ure at it, stop with the requests, i'm guessing he already knows you'd refuse if he asks you out, so he'd rather stick around & keep showing u his good qualities till its clear you'd say yes if he asks...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yabaleft I am the poster. Plz I never gave him green light. The first time he gave me money, I asked him what he wanted and he said just a friend. I asked him on three different occasions and he said just friends. At first I developed feelings for him cos he was very nice to me but I had to kill it cos I don't want to destroy our friendship. These days he always dropping sexual innuendos and I am not comfortable with that. I also met someone else when I went for a work trip, we really like each other. I don't want my friend casting a shadow on my new relationship. Stella easy on your judgement, I have never asked a man out and I will never. You painted me like a gold digger which I'm not. Are females supposed to date every man that helps them out financially? I want to move on from him instead of sitting around hoping he'll ask me out someday. That feeling is dead in me.

      Delete
    2. Then cut him off if you're not interested poster, why this long speech again???

      Delete
    3. poster i think you killed that feeling because of the new guy. Don't chase this man away till you are very sure of the new guy you met, always remember that people will show you only the side they want you to see. People are always sweet at first till you know them in depth. Keep this friendship, you never can tell.

      Delete
    4. 16:02 because guys like him don’t just go away. They’ll guilt you into thinking well I’ve been there for you. I’m only asking to be friends just like I’ve been your friend

      Delete
    5. If the feelings are dead then cut him off and stop disturbing the peace abi you want to fuq him first so body go cool down?

      Delete
    6. Why not cut him off, tell him you are in a relationship and you don’t want your boyfriend to think you are cheating on him with him. All the best

      Delete
    7. Yaba left escapee25 April 2019 at 16:47

      No need writing a chronicle.
      You'd have just dropped a line in SP asking "How do i cut off a friendship with a guy completely"?

      Delete
    8. Poster Yaba left is right! You gave him greenlight.
      Eachtime u allow him come over its greenlight.
      Accepting things frequently is greenlight.
      Not straightening things wen ppl ask if ure dating, its greenlight.
      Being curious to know he was in a hotel is greenlight

      Delete
    9. Poster if truly you have met someone else pls just cut him off. I have been in this type of situationahip before. I think he liked spending time with me,liked me but didn't want to date me. He wanted to keep his options opened also to other girls,so he can now decide who he wants to marry. He doesn't really want to date you,so that when he is ready to move on it won't be like he broke anyones heart. You are probably kind of a plan B for him. If everything else fails,he still has you.
      Meanwhile you must have feelings for him for you to be this worried.
      When my own guy found I cut him off and started dating my now husband. He now wanted to come back and do the proper thing but I was gone.
      If you have someone. Move the hell on.

      Delete
    10. Is it that u people dinnor understand the poster abi you just wish to judge her?
      If he wants anything serious with her he WILL let her know.
      Why painting her as a gold digger??
      Stella easy with your red pen sometimes, inugo? It’s been a long while you’ve dated so I understand you perfectly. It’s just that young guys of these days now have different colors like the rainbow.
      Madam poster, you know that thing your gut instinct is telling you ehn, follow it. Tankiu.

      Delete
  18. Poster how old are you? So you don't know some guys are nga jide ama rom ekwu (take I don't know how to talk) men, they are shy & don't know how h where to express their feelings to opposite sex but madly in love, that's that guy, his type makes good husband & boy friend. My SD is like him but they spoil women silly. Hold him tight before one sharp Beb take over

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nothing to hold tight. He's taken and just using her

      Delete
    2. Bless you shooter gyal. I say this all the tim the moment it get to the stage where you as a lady gets pushed by a guy's inaction to ask him "What are we?", then that's the moment you need to take a walk. Come on Guys!!! It's not rocket science. A man who wants you will clear your doubts and won't leave you in a confused state of trying to figure out what his intentions are.

      Delete
    3. Dey there make pant dey wear you
      Any love that cannot be expressed verbally, Fada Lord, take it away from this posters’ life.
      That’s how girls build emotions on guys that are just well meaning and not emotionally inclined. Till he introduces them to his wife/girlfriend.

      Delete
  19. Madam Stella, you are too gbaski! Infact, you too jasi! "let him go and you go your way If it is not obvious to you that you are with someone who is really shy but really likes you..

    Some smart Ladies would have noticed this and helped him or have a heart to heart talk...some will sit down and be waiting to be toasted until he falls in love with someone else...."

    Love this!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Poster, say the truth and let the devil be ashamed.... You like that dude. You better stop pretending to yourself. Have a heart to heart talk with him and find out what he really wants.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She likes taking things from him and also the attention.
      She didnt tell us why she doesnt like him.

      Delete
  21. Me thinks this man just wants to be friends with benefits and you look like someone who wants more than that so he’s staying on his lane but I don’t know sha

    ReplyDelete
  22. Smiles**I don't see anything wrong in all this,see,everything shouldn't be abt r/shp I mean dating kinda r/shp.why not just enjoy the friendship.There was a frnd of mine her friendship with the guy was just like this..They were frnds for over 5years but u know what?as a friend the guy started introducing her to his family as a friend o,when the guy wanted wanted to change his apartment she(my friend)was the person that choosed where she preferred not knowing the guys intention. They did the interior decor together in her own mind she's a friend,after the guy saw that he was ready guy man just proposed to her.. Now they're married with a child funny enough all those time she was friend with this guy she was always gusting him abt her ex's,the guy she's just dating and all.so why not play along and see how it goes I see no big deal in this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They were friends for over five years?. And he wasn't dating any one at the time. When he was ready he just proposed ?. Yes she was his last resort and her waiting around on the sideline eventually paid for her . Buy life it's not always like that.

      Delete
    2. It gives me goosebumps when people actually type 'smiles'. It is like a horror movie thing.

      Sorry Anon.I am sure whatever advice you gave is absolutely right.

      Delete
  23. Replies
    1. Shooter God bless you. Poster ignore all these low self esteem women on this blog. The guy doesn't like you if not he would have done the right thing since. One day you'll wake up and see his wedding IV . Poster move on please. See them telling her to go and ask a man out. Jezzzz. See as shame leave me dey catch una

      Delete
  24. Stella I am disappointed in you. You want her to toast a guy because he has been there for her? Haba. I have been in a similar situation before, the guy was there for me. I thought he was eventually going to ask me out, after waiting for 7 months, I did the honours. The dude turned me down and said he just liked me as a friend. I was so embarrassed and hurt. Poster don't try it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He wanted to date or fuck you initially, trust me but nigga saw another side of you hence the denial

      Delete
    2. Well you were embarrassed but you moved the hell on right? You were clear he’s not into you. So nothing to be ashamed of abeg.

      Delete
    3. Chai.. e go pain oh

      Delete
  25. Stella, you mean she should help him ask her out? Which kain yeye heart to heart talk is that one?

    If he isn't bold enough to ask her out, then he should fuck off. I just think he's not into her else he would've chased her. Shy or not!

    ReplyDelete
  26. She is not confused Stella. She knows her worth, I for one will never ask a man out, I don't care if he buys me a house. Nigerian guys that talk anyhow, you want her to ask him out and tomorrow when kasala burst, he'll be like after all she asked me out. Some men are like that, they'll do everything but never ask you out. Once they see you're dating someone else they'll start saying you dumped them meanwhile they never did the needful. Stop accepting anything from him or hanging out with him. If he's the one for you, he should ask you out.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Indeed you are confused, so very much confused!! Sit down and question urself, ur conscience and ur heart!! SMH☹️☹️☹️☹️

    ReplyDelete
  28. You are d one catching feelings, else you won't be concerned if he lied or not.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Have you tried talking to him on you feel about your situationship according to you .
    However if you haven't you should ,if he hasn't asked if you're in any kind of relationship, have you tried telling him you're in a relationship or maybe hint that you're looking forward to being in a relationship with your dream kind of guy?
    Truth is only a few people are disciplined enough to draw the line and not let feelings come in .
    I once had a bestie at some point he started developing feelings for me and I gave him a resetting speech that sent him back to friend zone
    Sometimes we lead people on without knowing.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Communicate please. Every "ship" in our lives should be defined. Be clear if what you have going on is a friendship, a relationship or a situationship. Talk with him exactly as you have told us here, make your decision from his responses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't y'all see he isn't into her? Poster just cut him off and do NOT discuss shit with him.
      If he really wanted to date you, he'd have made it known long ago. I mean 18months is a long ass time!

      Delete
    2. Yea 18 months is a long ass time...that kind of conversation should have been had long before now. Nobody is asking her to toast him, in normal friendships, you should know your friends relationship status, past relationships and all that, the fact that they have never spoken on that angle for 18 months is worrisome. I do not support that she should just cut him off or ghost him, he hasn't harmed her in anyway in the past. The adult thing for them to do is talk and everyone can move on knowing which page they stand on amicably.

      Delete
  31. Poster, i advise u have a heart to heart discussion with him, to know your stand...

    I once had a friend(thou still friend) he was my listening hear, shoulder to lean on for years, what baffled me more was that i did not know his house, we hang-out every weekend( i thought i have found MR right). But he did not ask me out.

    At some point, i asked him what he wanted from me,he said, "babe, i love u so much, your entrepreneurial act is top-notch", ok! what do u want from me? He replied, time will tell(after how many years?)

    At some points, i started withdrawing myself from him cos everyone thought we were an item.

    Later, i realised he is married, all this while, reason why he did not take me to his house

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know their type.

      You will click so bad and tight only to discover the mofo has a woman and kids.

      The craziest kind of love is the one that you guys just have this connection before sex even comes in

      Delete
    2. Wicked man and a time waster

      Delete
  32. Probably the guy dey serious relationship or he's just not into you....Stella make una welcome me o.....na reader's association I dey before but now am stepping up...ehn yes o....I won dey comment now. 1st comment since 2012. Bennyticko #Zanku#

    ReplyDelete
  33. He's a good friend poster, just remain friends with him, don't chase him away

    ReplyDelete
  34. You sound like you don't want his friendship and attention anymore but if he moves on completely, I believe you'll miss him.

    Ask him what he really wants? Don't push a good man away just yet but if you know you can't date someone like him truly, then break off him and stop receiving any form of assistance from him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is not a good man. He wants to take advantage of you and he will run. He will never tell you he loves you but will work on your emotion till you will think he is genuine. He wants to break your heart.

      Delete
  35. children why cant you enjoy and let things fall into place? must it be defined? abeg you are in too much of a hurry relax jo

    ReplyDelete
  36. Darling, whatever you are accusing the guy of, you've acted as an enabler. This, whatever "this" is, went on as long as it did because you allowed it. What I don't get is why you seem hot and bothered about a guy you claim not to really care whether or not he is seeing someone else. Baby girl, your lips say no but your actions are incongruous with your lips. That usually happens when you aren't being honest with yourself.

    Subconsciously you may be lashing out because he didn't and hasn't asked you out. Why would your cousin think he is using you to pass time till he gets someone to marry? Perhaps your cousin sees you're catching feelings already, if you aren't and you are as emotionally detached as you claim, your cousin would have been more concern about you using him and not the other way around. When you called and he lied about his location, why did you feel the need to let him know you knew he was with a lady? Sweetheart, can't you see that your actions fit that of a lady with emotional attachment to a guy? You could have just laughed over the phone and teased him, but you waited an extra day to ask him why he lied and to tell him you don't care whom he shaggs, but darling, you obviously do. It's like claiming you're over an ex then you put on a sexy outfit, hair, nails and makeup on point then you go over to his house just to remind him that you're really over him. Really?!

    To answer your question, yeah, my love, I think you are totally overreacting. Ladies typically don't encourage a guy to get so close and all up in their space if they aren't hoping for more. Ladies, we are the queens of "friendzoning" guys we aren't feeling. You've refused to do that, you accept and even demand stuff from him. You stated he gives you 99% of your requests. Honey you seem more emotionally invested in him than he in you. Why allow him get so intimate? Visiting you in hospital and even contributing to your hospital bills? Naaaah! You should have shut this down long time ago and put him nicely in the friendzone.

    It's good you've decided to stop collecting stuff from him. Honey don't accuse him of constantly crossing any line because you allowed him cross it. If you reacted the first time the line was crossed, he wouldn't have crossed it a second time. You even christened yourself his "defacto girlfriend" because in your heart that's how you see yourself. Darling, shut this circus down, it lost its humour long ago. Let him go and stop playing the role of whom you are not before it gets ugly and you end up with a broken heart and a wounded spirit. Like the immortalised words of Shakespeare in the play HAMLET " to thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man..."

    e-hugs and kisses.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Ask for a definition of this friendship. I once had a friend like that and when I asked that we define our friendship, dude told me he wanted just a fling and I told him if I wanted to have a fling then it’ll be with someone that can pay my bills not someone I’m looking at starting a life with. Moved on with my life and cut him off. Now he’s all over me but hey his time has passed.

    ReplyDelete
  38. This was how I started with my hubby. Help him , you can never tell how it would end. When I was friends with hubby then people taught we were dating because of how much care and attention he showed.3 years down the line we tied the knot. My hubby is extremely shy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She should help him how? Na cripple? That it worked for you doesn't mean it would work for others. That guy up there just wants sex and nothing more

      Delete
    2. I tire for the matter o
      He cannot ask her out but he can drop sexual innuendos? Na wa o

      Delete
    3. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.... OMG!!!
      He wants his dick to take the lead na, so if the sex is bad, no need to ask her out. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  39. My dear, it’s obvious the guy likes you. It’s not every man that have the liver to toast. My husband never ask me out, but when I noticed all the care and love, I stylishly pulled him close without asking him out. I really don’t understand all of you saying that she shouldn’t toast him, must you open your mouth to say it before a guy knows you are in love as well. Are you not woman enough to know that you can show love and care to a man in different ways without saying a word. And no, I am not saying throw yourself cheap at him in terms of sex.

    Look I am a really shy person but I was smart enough to grab my hubby’s attention 15 years ago. and I am saying this with joy that I never regret marrying this lovely man. It’s being 15years of uninterrupted happiness, and success and it will continue to be in Jesus name.

    Babe, show him love, open both your heart and arms to welcome him, and most importantly do not have sex with him until at least 3months into the relationship so that you will not look cheap. Ladies, please learn to lead your man to the route that suit you, after 9months of dating my boyfriend now hubby, we went to the mall and again, I stylishly entered a jewelry store to look at wrist watch / engagement ring. My sisters, my hubby went back to the mall in the evening after dropping me in my house and bought the same ring o and proposed that same weekend inside a restaurant. So the summary of the story is that my darling hubby is a shy person like me but I helped his ministry and led him on. I am so grateful to God that I didn’t let my shyness block my sense and face to recognize a lovely man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are not making sense. Poster follow this advice at your own peril

      Delete
    2. But he was gbenshing other girls.
      Why was he not shy doing the do in a hotel room.
      If he was not;why lying to her he was home.
      It may be your hubby sef had other girls. But people will be telling him you are ok and better than the other babe whilst he was observing you.
      Even if he had engaged you and saw what he did no like he would have dumped you.dont think for a man pls.they do know what they are doing.esp men of these days

      Delete
    3. He is shy and yet he is dropping sexual innuendoes?Nawa for una!

      Delete
  40. A guy once gisted me how he was friends with a girl.they were so close that if they are having any issues with the girl.they will call on him.
    He was paying her pocket money and sends provisions for her.
    But frankly all he wants in the girl was just been friends with her.he was suprised that one day the girl stopped and asked him what he wanted from her.
    He felt bad cos he felt the girl saw him as a friend and brother.
    He said when he told the girl he told her he saw her as a sister.the girl was very much pained and was telling everyone the guy was her boyfriend.
    Dear poster pls let him go.
    He knows what he is doing.
    Give him a long rope.
    He is a time waster.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Poster anon 16.03 and 16.40 had similar experience see the men response to them and open your eyes. Guys who don't open their mouths to outrightly ask you out are simply playing a game with you called"stringing along". Ghost him and stop wasting your own time by yourselfπŸ™„

    ReplyDelete
  42. Poster this situation is simple. Here is what you will do.
    1.Keep enjoying the companionship & freebies
    2.Its time you ask him who his girlfriend is, what you both are doing together, you can start with hey Jude, I really like you, as in I feel you & I don't mind having a more meaningful relationship with you, but I need to know what you feel about me & our present relationship before we can plan to become more or remain like this.
    3. Whatever the outcome of this discussion, keep enjoying your life. Be happy for you & keep your head up high.
    4.Stop sounding angry cos he hasn't asked you out, cos you sound really mad at him.
    5. No matter what he says, keep your FBI heart on, be wise, be smart, ma sun, ji ooooo. . .All he best.

    ReplyDelete
  43. It’s simple. Stop communication, give it space. Since you say you don’t have feelings for him. When the dust settles, you will know if you’re still friends or not. Time will define what you guys are eventually.

    ReplyDelete
  44. This man has chased away all your suitors by appearing to be a very serious boyfriend. Yet, he will not talk cos he's quiet and shy? Don't be fooled. A quick man who is not mute can still talk, oh! My husband is very quiet and reserved but that didn't stop him from opening his mouth to talk to me. Before I could recover from "Yaaaas! He has said he really likes me", he found my village and paid brideprice. He doesn't have two heads.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Sitting in a garage does not make one a car! Poster, get on with your life and your new found love, and for the generous friend, keep him as a friend. Glad you are calling him out on the sexual innuedos. He spent money on you does not mean you should pay back with sex.

    If it bothers you still with a strange behavior, tell him how you truly feel or better still cut him off.

    He was your angel in the time of need does not make him your future husband.

    ReplyDelete
  46. If you snoop you will be surprised that he is married. But his wife is far off . Just saying . Most guys act this way .

    ReplyDelete
  47. Poster let me tell you a story, i met a friend years back he ask me out and i said no cos he had a son, we continue being hi friends cos he is a very busy man. One period like that he was on leave and me too, so we started chatting, talking on phone, videoing and it was amazing. The closeness was too good to be true, is it the attention? Care? Trying to reach out to all that concern me? Oh my God it was too good to be true.

    I talked to everyone around him from his mum, dad, sisters, nieces, nephews, inshort everyone he knew. Even people from his work place, they will just be passing the phone and i will say hi. We talk every night before we sleep. It was the kind of feeling i cant explain, but one thing he never did was ask me out, he never asked me out. I was inlove already, i gave him all the green light for where?

    One day i asked him how far with us and he said we can only remain friends, the kind of connection he had with me i knew no man on earth wouldn't have damn any consequences for us to end up together. Luckily he came to visit me in my town and we kissed but no sex as I'm team no sex relationship, and he never forced it but i knew something was wrong somewhere. To cut it short guy man was married and he never told me, i only saw a comment section on fb. He has only one picture on his fb and not constant.

    Let this guy go dear one, the guy is playing you no Nigerian man is ever shy to ask who he loves out worst them go text you the question. sorry for any errors

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow.
      Wicked family, they didn't even challenge what their son was doing even though they must have known his wife. Thank God you escaped!

      Delete
    2. The man did you no wrong. He asked you out but you turned him down, later you got closed to him and you started feeling like you're in a relationship with him?
      What do you expect of him? To be waiting for you or ask you out again and get turn down for the second time ?
      Abeg you played yourself now feeling like he wicked you for not telling you about his status.
      Since you turned him down, why not stay away from him?

      Delete
  48. Just plainly ask him again what he really want. If he says nothing, then ask him if u can go ahead to have a boyfriend as u will love to settle down soon. If he is cool with it, introduce him to the new guy as your friend turned brother. Shikenah.

    ReplyDelete
  49. I don't think there's a need to ask him anything though... Since U re no longer interested in him, simply friend zone him, he'll get the message..

    ReplyDelete
  50. What I don't get is why you will be ASKING a supposed male friend for things? How do you even feel comfortable with that? Now you have suddenly realised you don't like him enough to date him.

    ReplyDelete
  51. This is how my hubby was. Sharp guy in every area but to toast, na problem. He just kept showing me love in various ways. So one day he came to pick me up from the airport in Lagos after a trip to Abuja and at some point on 3rd Mainland, I told him that I felt uncomfortable because we were becoming too close. He kept quiet for a long time. I remember feeling I will enter the ground if this guy starts saying I am imagining things. Na so the bono talk say he likes our closeness and that he thinks that I like it too so we should not stop ourselves. Let's just say after dinner that night I told him that I am his girlfriend then. He said that is fine by him. And this is our 10th year of marriage. I thank God that I did not look at the poor quality of his toasting.

    ReplyDelete
  52. You don't have anything for him but you were collecting things from him, you sllowed him to pay part of your hospital bills and stuff like ?
    Be there deceiving yourself, waiting for who go tell you what to do, when you already have your plan.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Maybe the guy is the shy type

    ReplyDelete

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