Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....

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Friday, April 05, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....

Na wah!!!






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

DIFFICULT DECISION


Good day......


. I am a regular visitor and would want my fellow "BVNs" who are neutral to help me analyze this situation and tell me what they think. 


I started dating this guy about 4/5years ago. Let's call him Mr A. We met here in Nigeria before he travelled to the UK like 2years back. I also met another guy about 4months ago through referral and let's call him Mr B for purpose of clarification. Mr A was and still is so caring, nice person, not stingy to me and very understanding. 


he takes care of me so very well and I didn't see my future without him. Last year January, Mr A started acting up. He will call and we won't flow well like the way we use to. This issue lingered till around July when he called and made an attempt for a breakup. I begged him, made him see reason why we should be together and asked him what the problem was and that if there was a problem, he should let me in on it. 

Meanwhile, he stopped sending money to me because things weren't too good for him over there and he was trying to stabilize in the UK after relocating 2yrs back. So when he came up with the relationship draining him, I reminded him that he had stopped spending on me so didn't see why the relationship should be his problem because part of his excuse was that the relationship was draining him. Well, he accepted and we became cool again but the communication wasn't still flowing well. 


August, he came again with the breakup thing and I kept begging him. I started calling his friends to plead with him for me; I told him I had built my world around him and wont be able to cope without him.


Fellow BVs, by September, he finally broke up with me and kept re-emphasising on the need for me to move on. He said if I see a willing suitor, I should go ahead that his head was full and he needed a break. I went besark!!! I cried, begged, pleaded but seems his mind was made up. For one whole week, I didn't bath, barely ate anything, I was devastated. By the way, I am a graduate but because of no job, I learnt sewing while serving so I sew now and I do get jobs sometimes. Well, middle September, my very good friend and schoolmate got married and after her wedding, she jokingly told me to go get married oh; that was when I told her I didn't have a boyfriend again and she asked me about my guy.


 I told her we had broken up and she connected me to her husbands' friend and roommate who is Mr B. Mr B on the other hand asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told him No and he told me straight up that he wants to settle down if we are compatible. We started talking and all; he stays in Canada and came back last month to come see my parents and I saw his too. Mr B is a strict kinda person, always serious and a "core value" kinda person. 

The few days he stayed here before travelling back, we were always having issues. He said its because we are still getting to know ourselves and all.

 So back to my story, after the breakup, Mr A still kept in touch, will call and ask how i am doing and end the call. In December, Mr A came back and called me to come see him. I saw him and we talked and i told him someone was already in my life. When he went back, he kept calling and we kept talking normal. Maybe he didn't believe i had moved on or whatever, i can't say; I don't know. Lately he started asking that we come back again, because initially, the plan was to do arrangee marriage so I can come over where he is; so distance wont be a barrier to us anymore and then I can start working and he will want us to settle down when we are like 28(we are 25 now and we are age mates) while when Mr B came back(hes 32), he asked me to marry him because he wanted us to do registry so he can start processing my papers to Canada.


 I have told the both of then to give me time to sort things out in my head but I am as confused as hell. I love Mr A because we' ve been together for like 4years and you know the saying of the devil you know being better than the angel you don't know but there are so many what ifs going on in my head. This is marriage and I would want other people, the mummies in the house, those that can see this from a clearer view, pls advice me on what you all think. 

Pls note* both of them are working legally in both countries and are stable financially.


*From the narrative you gave up there,if i was you,I would go with Mr B.....Mr A already fvcuked up and he will again.....He is only challenged because you found someone else -thats how some men are,they will come back into your life when they see you dare move on,they will cause a storm and drop you when you least expect it......Mr B is the one to choose.

103 comments:

  1. Mr A seems to me like he is indecisive but I rather you go with him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Better run and follow Mr B with his strict persona.
      Only strict persona.
      You de beg man, shame on you

      Delete
    2. Go amd pray to God and ask him who your husband is. Dont gamble on the choice of a life partner. For all i care, none of these two might even be the one for you

      Delete
    3. Exactly, begging man over and over again.

      Delete
    4. Yaba left escapee5 April 2019 at 16:33

      Lemme tell you abit about the effect a new environment has on mentality, it has a way of shapening our thinking reevaluating our choices, you can relate it to the grass is greener syndrome.
      Now you say your boyfriend complained about being drained in the relationship, most long term relationships experiences similar bump, & they mostly scale through, after deep soul searching.
      Youre both young & i'm guessing you can say youve not been entangled with anyone else, so with life presenting us with truck loads of varieties to choose from, most people pause & ponder if theyre making the right decision, being that they really havent explored & have little or less to compare you to, its very similar to the Amish rumspringa, if you know about the Amish sha.
      Rumspringa is an important rite of passage occurring b/w courtship n marriage in which community rules are relaxed and Amish teens are allowed to experience worldly activities before deciding to commit to the Amish church, well some youths return to the church, while others dont...
      But from research, those people that survive the green is greener syndrome and quickly give themselves brain & return to their partners, are now fully commited with no doubts in their head & the relationship gets way stronger.... cus theyve seen the mirage & smoke morrors on the other side and they prefer to water their own grass, this might have been what happened to your BF, so i'd suggest u keep watching him with side eyes & put the canadian on hold, leaving the open for Mr. C.

      Delete
    5. Poster.
      I had to drop a comment because your story resonates deeply with me.
      you see, i just got out of a 6 year relationship.
      yes , you heard right, 6 years .
      We got engaged some months back and i thought i had found the one, but alas , he grew tired of the relationship, had his doubts, started praying for another woman while still with me , i found out, was heart broken, and i broke it off and returned his ring.
      It made me remember how he suddenly broke the relationship the 2nd year into it and came back after 6 months and i accepted him back.
      It goes a long way to show how unstable he is.
      See, its draining to live or build a future with unstable / confused men.
      A man that wants you will show it.
      One who is not so sure would show it.
      These are signs. Do not say God did not warn you.
      .
      DO NOT GO BACK TO A.
      I would advice you seek the face of God and do not let B pressurise you into marraige.
      Its marraige, not WAEC or Jamb, you dont just opt out.
      .
      As for me, God has been using this period to teach me.
      I am gold,
      I am valauable,
      No one would use me as a rag ; use,,drop and pick up again.
      Refuse to be treated the same way.

      Delete
    6. It’s beats me as to how and why ladies will be begging men not to break up with them. Like WTF!!
      The fact that you both have spent donkey years together is no excuse for keeping up with his BS!
      At 25, babe you’re an adult so own up to it.
      Deep down your gut instinct is telling you something.
      Listen to it.

      Delete
  2. Poster go for Mr B, Mr A will break up with you again, he just want to be sure you moved on.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. Exactly! A relationship with a foundation of you begging, you can imagine what the marriage would be like. That is if he doesn't dump you before then. You would beg him to eat your food, beg for sex, beg him to take you out, to look after his children. My dear sorry would be your middle name.
      My dear you are valuable you just have to understand that, see Mr A for what he is (a monitoring spirit) and forget about him...

      Delete
  4. Pls i think you should go for Mr. C kikikiki


    On a serious note, marriage is serious so pray about it. Peace is a sign that this is the one. Good luck

    ReplyDelete
  5. Poster! Poster!poster! How many times did I call you? Mr B is the one for you. Pls forget about A.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yaba left escapee5 April 2019 at 15:11

    Time has a way of making things clearer, you need time.
    Your options should be Mr A and Mr C. Trust me you dont need Mr.B a strict remote control for a husband, even worse he'd pride himself for being responsible for making you breath Canadian air.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yaba left escapee5 April 2019 at 16:05

      Breathe*

      Delete
    2. I am worried about you being age mate with Mr A most times is doenst work. Go for B

      Delete
    3. I'm of the same age with my hubby but i don't even remember. It works sometimes, just like you said.

      Delete
    4. I'm of the same age with my hubby but i don't even remember. It works sometimes, just like you said.

      Delete
    5. I have just come accross this post I hope it’s mot too late but Mr A is who you should go for!!! Mr B is not it o! Please don’t make a mistake. He will comtrol you. No relationship should have issues from the start sorry .

      Delete
  7. if the strictness is the only "but" you see in Mr B i think its OK to consider him....maybe with time ull both be free kos i guess he's strict now bkos you dont no him well

    ReplyDelete
  8. B.....but then u can't advice a woman in love. Goodluck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or a woman that just got her heartbroken.

      Delete
  9. I can't properly aany advice cos my relationship life is so complicated that I don't even know myself honestly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Write in your story let's see how we can help you.

      Delete
    2. So you can put more complication in my head with ur harsh advice? Please keep your help Mrs relationship adviser General

      Delete
    3. 16:26 you're rude and extremely foolish.

      Delete
    4. 😂😂😂 Anon 15:14 you are mouthed but I can’t blame you. Some people’s mouth here will make you not see yourself sef in the name of advice. As for poster learn to love yourself first. I won’t get back with Mr A if I were you. Like someone said you might need up to Mr E to finally get Mr right.

      Delete
  10. Sorry proffer

    ReplyDelete
  11. Both men, (especially Mr. A) married a white women to get papers and that was the reason for wanting to offload you then.
    I hope you are not one of the Naija girls who wants to marry and go abroad desperately.
    Okay, you built your world around Mr. A and can't do without him?
    How many days did it take you to hook up to referred Mr. B after A offloaded you?

    If a girl been dey serious to marry a guy, remove costly gifts/money from it all (and fork). The draining nature of the relationship with Mr. A wouldn't have arisen if you did not receive constant funds from him even when you sabi say im no get.

    Now you and B don dey quarrel already? It mustn't be about the two men. What to do now is a test of patience. While you pray and clear your head, let see which of the two men will stay put or if they will go.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I will advise you in capital letters to leave Mr A and go for Mr B. I think Mr A met somebody there and thought things will walk out for them. He came back now because things weren't okay with them meaning he wouldn't have come back to you if they are still together. Again anytime he break up with you you will be the one begging him and calling people to also beg him, my question now is when will you stop the begging even if you guys marry tomorrow? My dear DUMP Mr A and take your time to learn Mr B. In all na men dey rush you. Congrats. It will end in praise. Cheers and good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Her begging ability has nothing to do with Mr.A... whoever shes dates or marries, she'd beg that person, she needs to find her lost self esteem.

      Delete
  13. I'll advise you to go with Mr B if he's treating you right and you at least love him.

    See, Mr A is back because someone else is now serious with you, if you leave Mr B, he will start again with talks of the relationship stressing him. For the talks of being together for years, it doesn't count sometimes. It's not how far but how well.

    Lastly, once you chose Mr B, cut all communication from A. You need to face your front and not be distracted cos Mr A is now a distraction. Tell him to stop calling you. Be wise!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Is your name Beggar? You like begging oo and u even want to enter one chance to where u will forever be begging that your Mr.A nonsense boy. If you don't like Mr B leave him oo but this your nonsense A doesn't love you, and na UK dey shark u?

    ReplyDelete
  15. None is yours, another will come. Mr B is strict and not romantic I guess, so why go for him? Go with someone you are very much comfortable with,not someone that will make it seem like you are walking on eggshells simply because you are trying to please him. Mr A isn't the answer either ways, you both are still young and he has his own fuck ups as well .

    ReplyDelete
  16. Don't allow Mr A to play with your emotion..
    He will misbehave again big time..
    Follow Mr B..

    ReplyDelete
  17. the best option is Mr B, Mr A will always fuck up!

    ReplyDelete
  18. My instincts tell me Mr A is most likely married. Poster, this is a lifetime decision that can make or mar your life. If I were you, I would go down on my knees & ask my creator for guidance.

    Shallom ✌️

    ReplyDelete
  19. Miss Ess u want her to go with a guy who she pleaded and pleaded with not to break up with her? A man who left her in tears. Who hurt her. Who left her to walk alone. But now is back as if nothing happened ? Will u wish such a man on your sister ? Dear friend or child? If there is one thing i can state for sure. Mr A is not the one !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Havent u heard of second chance?

      Delete
    2. Inspector Bediako6 April 2019 at 19:30

      More like 5th chance

      The guy is a repeat offender!
      No time to check time, no time to waste

      Delete
  20. Poster what exactly are the issues u had with mr B? U shouldve been very specific so we ur readers can tell if they are trivial or basic issues.

    Mr A is still a kid. Keep him at arms length while u study mr B.

    At d end u might ve to do away with both.

    ReplyDelete
  21. @25 you still dont know what you want? I wonder when gals will have sense and be with men who values them.

    how can u even consider Mr A who made it clear you are draining him? see this heat is making me feel like sending u e slap now.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Go with Mr B who's matured and ready for marriage. Leave Mr A alone and stop thinking you love him bcos of how long you guys have been together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She loves him...
      A woman cant cry & beg a man that she doesnt love.

      Delete
    2. A woman can cry and beg a man she doesn't love because she has dated him for long and wouldnt want to start afresh. She should move on. What she feels for the guy isn't love.

      Delete
  23. It is stories like this that make many ladies unmarried at 35 and willing to break any home at their desperate moments after wasting good opportunities, not everybody should marry and not everybody will marry, but if you're sure you want to marry madam poster, go for Mr B asap and learn to work on your weakness, if you wait for Mr A by the time you're 35 you will be so frustrated,so better make hay while the sun shines. You really don't want to experience what most ladies in their 30s go through, many become wicked and start wishing others don't marry, they start to target married men, the give men money and many go Spiritual, they suffer insomnia, flashbacks of wasted opportunities, daily crying, shame, hiding from people that know them, hating married people etc. I have 2 currently working with me and the bitterness in them is 2nd to none. Only the strong and godly can go through unmarried status in their 30s and still stay nice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abeg speak for ya sef. I know many late 30s ladies that are very kind and marrying sef. Don't know one mean one. Be judging the ones you know instead of helping them. They work with you. Did they tell u that are mean cause of no man or cause no money to enjoy life

      Delete
    2. What are you talking about???!!!!! You are not alright! On this blog alone, when Stella made the regret post, more than half of the blog comments were related to marriage regret, the women regretted their marriage deeply and those are just the ones who posted. I put it to you that marriage makes Nigerian women bitter and unproductive. I did not see more than two comments regretting not marrying at all. What are insinuating. There's a lot of people on this blog with limited exposure! Look at your whole spill. Married women in Nigeria cheat with other married men so do not blame unmarried women. Look at the way Nigerian women are dependent on marriage to determine their lives' trajectories. Ridiculous!

      Delete
    3. You are very correct. i missed so many opportunities becos i was young and naive chasing money. now i have money, no husband at 38yrs. it can be frustrating i tell you. i still have hope. Plssss poster cut off communication with both of them and pray for guidance. if i were you i would take my time and watch Mr B. Mr A is a closed case if you ask me.

      Delete
    4. Yaba left escapee5 April 2019 at 17:17

      I agree with being single above 30, the heat on them no be here, even now we're experiencing heatwave in the country, theirs is doubled, so you can imagine! Just a handful can actually maintain their cool & make a right decision... anyone who says Hello to them on the way, they start asking themselves "could he be the one"... before realizing that the man just wanted to say "Hello, please what time is it??? I know its frustrating cus ive spoken to lots of them

      Delete
    5. Anon 16:32 for you to have blamed yourself for your predicament, God will have mercy on you and you will get married before September, leave the other posters who 're deceiving themselves, go watch being MaryJane, you go know say Oyibo too face pressure.

      Delete
    6. Yabaleft God BlessYou , I wept for my 2 Colleagues when they narrated their ordeal, I had to dedicate this Lenten season to pray for them and all single ladies who desire marriage.

      Delete
    7. My friend cried for marriage at 21. Poster is begging at 25. Age has nothing to do with it .People like you would have told Meghan to hurry and pick one . She removed herself from rubbish and found better

      Delete
    8. Lol you're basing life on being maryjane . The pressure in oyibo land is different abeg. It's mostly internal .your own pressure on your self

      Delete
  24. A is a time waster. Your first love isn’t necessarily your greatest love. Go with B.

    ReplyDelete
  25. U would have stated the kinda issues U had with Mr B while he was around, to at least help determine the validity. Anyway, going by this narrative, Mr A seems childish & confused, he's not the type U'd wanna lean on. Even though U have known him for years,his unstable nature would get tiring eventually, then U might find urself resenting him & regret choosing to be with him...

    Nevertheless, have a mental & honest talk with urself, who do U feel @peace in mind being with&around? Which of these two can U unconditionally love or respect still, despite their shortcomings? Seeing as communication is very important for the growth of any relationship, Who do U think would be more open to & also fairly reasonable between them? Be very aware & attentive to ur feelings/instincts, If either of them threaten ur self esteem by their actions/in actions, & efforts to communicate this fear proves abortive, please accept the reality & abort, immediately!!! Its not mandatory that U choose from these two anyway, there re lots of responsible men searching intensely for ur type out there, just as long as ur intentions re also pure...

    Good luck dear!

    ReplyDelete
  26. You love Mr A because you've dated for four years. You're a big fool. A man honestly told you that you're draining him but you stayed. You even went begging his friends. Why didn't you find his village and lie down for his mother so that he can marry you? You're the type that will cry that you dated for 10yrs, he dumped you and he married someone else he just met after three months. Don't go and pray for scales to fall off your eyes; Mr A's future wife is probably praying that God should keep him occupied but unavailable till she's ready. Get ready to send more chronicles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your type will do worse..
      You seem to think youre smart & dont take shit, whats your bodycount? Olosho

      Delete
  27. i support stella.. Mr A is only coming back because he has gone to test other babes and he feels u are still better or he hates the fact that u haven't committed suicide because he left u babes i dn,t know u but i am sure u are far better than been treated as an option. as for Mr B y is he rushing dn't let him use canada as cover up for his bad attitude or to scatter ur head. Take ur time still get to know him till u find peace in ur hrt,body and soul and dn't forget to pray.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Mr A is a time waster. He only came back because you have someone now. He doesn't want you to move on. It's obvious you don't love Mr B, you only saw him as an option. In my opinion, take your time before you make your decision. it's not compulsory you choose either of A or B.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Go to God, please. I would choose guy B, if I were you.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Lolll Mr A is not offering marriage. He's offering come over sex me well and wait for me to divorce my arranged wife then I'll marry you. But what if you get there and he doesn't marry you, you'll regret missing Canada man. Mr A is not honest. He wanted to discharge you and even tho you almost died of sorrow, he didn't change his mind .don't marry Mr b yet. Get to know him better. He's older than you by a little bit and you say he's strict so try to make sure he's not one of those that will treat you like he's your father. The problem here is there's no real chance to get to know him better because he's Faraway. But I wouldn't let him go. Ask him if he can come visit one more time for a week or so. Talk to him more and stop confusing yourself with Mr A.
    S
    Do you have any fun with Mr b. Are u attracted to him at all?

    ReplyDelete
  31. none of the above

    ReplyDelete
  32. You are just 25, what's the rush? Leave Mr A , he is not serious. Give yourself time to understand Mr B and maybe meet Mr C or D. Take it easy.

    ReplyDelete
  33. B, with my 13 years in marriage experience

    ReplyDelete
  34. Poster, plz thank God and make hay while sun shines. Study Mr B well before going for him. In marriage,when you rush in you will rush out. Study him and see if you can cope with his weakness or not and as for MR A plz give him a sack letter. You don't need to continue talking to him. If Mr A get married to you, he will eventually dump you besides he is indecisive. I don't like indecisive men. That's why I left my ex boyfriend.He will see vision that am his wife today and by tomorrow he will see vision that am not his wife. Don't ever revolve your world around a man so you can easily move on incase of break up. When men see that you don't care that's when they will start begging to come back into your life. Love is never enough sha check ur compatibility with Mr B and forget Mr A. When my ex tried getting in touch with me I have to block him on Watsapp bcus I don't want distraction. I am praying for a new man.There are many fishes in the ocean pick wisely.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Cherie, Mr. A isn't ready to settle down. Most men are not sure of what they want out of marriage at 25. Mr. B is a fine prospect. He is mature and knows what he wants. The reason why you think Mr. B is controlling is because Mr. B is a " core value kinda person " You need to set your values right ! stop talking to your ex it isn't healthy ! A man who loves you wouldn't make you beg or crave his attention no matter how difficult things are. what happened to " we work this out together" ? I like a man who know what he wants and goes for it. Mr. B fits the profile ! Plus never keep a man waiting, make up your mind asap !p.s. make sure to get to know Mr. B very well his insecurities and all, share yours with him too. Bonne Chance !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Smh many women run from a bad man to a worse man because it's easy to justify the bad in the new one. After all these nit ththe same type of bad. A controlling man is not a good man. She should look well. Many abusive marriages are due to abused children that jump to safety and the new situation is worse than prior. Poster look well. If Mr b is simply not an extrovert ,maybe continue. Hut iif by strict, u mean controlling, then continue your journey to another

      Delete
  36. The only reason to consider Mr a is if he pushed you away to protect you. You say the craziness started when things turned bad for him. It's possible he felt he was wasting your youth while trying to sort things out and he wanted to help you move on. If that's the case, check the current situation. Looks like he's still buying time . If he's legal there, why does he need you to wait for marriage. Maybe he's just not ready to settle down. You'd be taking a big chance if you wait for him

    ReplyDelete
  37. Neither A nor B is your husband!
    Desperation to settle down can make you settle down with someone you are not compatible with.I will advise you run away from A,if he fucked you up before,he will fuck you up again and since he already knows your mumu button,he will make sure you lose the other guy and then,he will dump you and shatter your life.
    You are just 32,tell B to give you some time to get to know him.I dont like sudden marriage proposals because,those men are trying to hide their bad characters.Before you know it,you are already in and may not get out again.
    If you are running from an indecisive man,dont go to a strict man.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Neither A nor B is your husband!
    Desperation to settle down can make you settle down with someone you are not compatible with.I will advise you run away from A,if he fucked you up before,he will fuck you up again and since he already knows your mumu button,he will make sure you lose the other guy and then,he will dump you and shatter your life.
    You are just 25,tell B to give you some time to get to know him.I dont like sudden marriage proposals because,those men are trying to hide their bad characters.Before you know it,you are already in and may not get out again.
    If you are running from an indecisive man,dont go to a strict man.
    You still have time,dont settle for any of these guys,you deserve better!

    *edited*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perfect. I don't need to type again. Poster should consider Mr C. Better to be single than to be with an indecisive man or a strict and controlling man.

      Delete
  39. Mr A excuses for breaking up with you sounds so inmatured, he felt You were the one benefitting from him while he benefited nothing. first thats demeaning of your value. he can always turn on you when things go south. he also sounds like one who will always wanna impose his decisions on you without considering your reaction or stance. he is still very inmatured and lacks discipline.

    now you can't really be sure of what actually induced his earlier decision of quitting. maybe he did it to protect you due to some contingencies other than the socalled financial setback he sighted as his reason (eg falling for someone else who he thought would be better. cos he just saw you as a burden). so he broke up to push you away rather than wasting your time.. now probably, it turned out that the glitterings he saw in his alternative were not actually the gold he thought and thus decided to fall back to you (since he sees you as someone that is so inclined on him, and therefore he can influence your actions and decisions anyhow he wants).. he can always come up with other silly excuses tomorrow..

    I prefer you go with Mr B if you love him. he's got the zeal and seriousness. you guys should just get to know yourselves better and with time everything would fall into place.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Abeggi go & marry Mr B before u become unfortunate

    ReplyDelete
  41. This poster enh
    How I wish I can give you a dirty slap
    Pls go for Mr b

    ReplyDelete
  42. Where did some of you see Mr c ,she only mentioned 2people.my advice is Mr A ,marry the man u love regardless of his mistakes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na so you daft reach?
      See ya mumu advice sef

      Delete
  43. You deserve the best things in life.DON'T settle for anything less than you deserve.
    It is not in a woman's place to beg for love or attention.
    AND Yes,just in case someone deserving of you comes again,please be true to yourself
    You're stronger than you think.
    Whatever you think you're not comfortable with right now,please withdraw. Don't be pressured into making hasty decisions.
    Marriage is only beautiful when you're comfortable,in-love and understand your spouse well.
    Like I said earlier,Leave both men alone

    ReplyDelete
  44. Hello dear, let me ask you few quick questions . Have you verify real well the legal and marital status of both Mr A and B? ( And I do not expect you to base your belief on word of mouth Assurance of both men) I just want you to be clear they are both legit so as to avoid another big drama post your wedding with either of them. Back to Mr A, he might love you genuinely before his 'UK Hussle',however to be candid, the survival and ' fitting into a " foreign system' is tough! And Mr A like many Others might have wanted to sort himself out, he might also have wanted to date / hook up with someone who understands the UK system better and not someone he will consider a little a liability ( in this case,(you stated he was always taking care and spending you). So he called bit off with you then instead of stringing you along.cruel but still better! Now, for Mr A coming back, it's either his own 'perfect plan' didn't work out as he expected over there and want you now, or he is jealous of you moving on with another guy and just wanna be ' a dog in a manger' ( what I can't have, others woun't have it too snydrome) . Back to MR B,apparently he has firmly set his mind on getting married As soon as practicable to anyone he find this year, hence his haste in Rushing this relationship. It is clear the two of you are yet to know each other well, He might appear strict to you because the 'Abroad' system changes people s mindset and Mr A too would have change / seems strict if you decide to chose him and live with him in UK. Marriage is a BIG thing! Ask yourself this question, who can you truly call a real friend out of the two? Which of them can you communicate/ gist better with? Who seems dependable and will get your back when chips are down? Who is open handed/ more generous? If you are some one who loves PDA/ affectionate, which of these men fits into that with ? Which of them shares same life goals, dreams, aspirations with you??( Have you been able to discuss and find out these with them?) Do not let marriage abroad seems like one stop medicine that will take you out of 'poverty' life.You should aspire to be the best Taylor / fashion designer you can be if you have talent in that field.unfortunately and as it seems common with our African women, you have no money of your own ,so you are not going to d marriage table as equal. If you wanna jump into the abroad marriage ship, know that grasses often times are not greener at the other side, Try to get to know Mr B too, start by having real conversation with him base on the pointers I gave you up there. Pray by yourself about it constantly too( note I said by yourself and not ' prayer merchant') all the best!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Hello dear, let me ask you few quick questions . Have you verify real well the legal and marital status of both Mr A and B? ( And I do not expect you to base your belief on word of mouth Assurance of both men) I just want you to be clear they are both legit so as to avoid another big drama post your wedding with either of them. Back to Mr A, he might love you genuinely before his 'UK Hussle',however to be candid, the survival and ' fitting into a " foreign system' is tough! And Mr A like many Others might have wanted to sort himself out, he might also have wanted to date / hook up with someone who understands the UK system better and not someone he will consider a little a liability ( in this case,(you stated he was always taking care and spending you). So he called bit off with you then instead of stringing you along.cruel but still better! Now, for Mr A coming back, it's either his own 'perfect plan' didn't work out as he expected over there and want you now, or he is jealous of you moving on with another guy and just wanna be ' a dog in a manger' ( what I can't have, others woun't have it too snydrome) . Back to MR B,apparently he has firmly set his mind on getting married As soon as practicable to anyone he find this year, hence his haste in Rushing this relationship. It is clear the two of you are yet to know each other well, He might appear strict to you because the 'Abroad' system changes people s mindset and Mr A too would have change / seems strict if you decide to chose him and live with him in UK. Marriage is a BIG thing! Ask yourself this question, who can you truly call a real friend out of the two? Which of them can you communicate/ gist better with? Who seems dependable and will get your back when chips are down? Who is open handed/ more generous? If you are some one who loves PDA/ affectionate, which of these men fits into that with ? Which of them shares same life goals, dreams, aspirations with you??( Have you been able to discuss and find out these with them?) Do not let marriage abroad seems like one stop medicine that will take you out of 'poverty' life.You should aspire to be the best Taylor / fashion designer you can be if you have talent in that field.unfortunately and as it seems common with our African women, you have no money of your own ,so you are not going to d marriage table as equal. If you wanna jump into the abroad marriage ship, know that grasses often times are not greener at the other side, Try to get to know Mr B too, start by having real conversation with him base on the pointers I gave you up there. Pray by yourself about it constantly too( note I said by yourself and not ' prayer merchant') all the best!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Please go with me.B. Mr A only came back because you told him you now have someone in your life. He doesn’t believe you can move on without him

    ReplyDelete
  47. Why would Mr A go for arrangee marriage, why not the real deal, even if it’s only court? Hope he doesn’t want you to go over there become a nurse and then you’ll start working for him and his family? 25yrs is not too young for marriage mbok.
    Mr B on the other hand, apart from being strict you didn’t expatiate why you guys had issues.
    Wake up at 12am, naked as you came, call on God and ask him to show you who truly your husband is with prayers and fasting and thanksgiving there’s nothing God cannot do.
    Please ooh, this is a no prophet zone

    ReplyDelete
  48. @ Dame sexy, you hit the nail on the head.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Am waiting for thatnigerdeltachik and Ronalda to drop their view.

    their words are always on ppoint.


    by the way, poster can go go on break with relationship, this will give you room to think deeply.

    I was once in your shoes so i know what the problem is, mine parent went for prayers then to get a final solution but i will not advise you to go for spiritual ways, rather work on yourself to pray more about them

    Also the love and yrs of dating Mr. A will make you to be measuring any guy that comes your way in same way, forgetting that guys are not the same.
    Mr. B is strict ? in wat way, dont you know its good to be strict to make in life?
    for the fact that you guys are new and distant to each other will not let you understand each other well, also you need to block A now.

    workn on the relationship with B for at least 1yr, you say you are 25, my dear you still can hold one for a while now than to rush in and regret later oo.
    ghost Mr. A totally, forget everything abt him, focus on this new man.

    after so months, open up to Mr. B about his strictness or unromantic way , am sure he will work on it.

    remember there is no perfect being and you cant compare men to men in relationship plus this thing called marriage needs more than love or yrs u have known before.
    May GOD help you while you help yoursef, use your head and not your heart alone.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Poster, if you beg to have a man marry you, just know that you would keep begging to keep him in the marriage. You don't have to choose Mr B either because of the harshness. Keep trusting God to bring your own man. Btw, I've been married for 25yrs and wouldn't choose either of them if I was a youth and single.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Marry Mr B. Mr A only sees you as a trophy. You begged on two different occasions and he still broke up with you. His heart was definitely no longer with you.

    ReplyDelete
  52. You are 25. Whats the rush about? Because you dont have a white collar good paying job yet abi cos they are from the abroad and you think it might be a wonderful opportunity to get married cos you dont want to become gweged.

    Here me my sister; this serious mr B is not it o. He marrying you, you might end up as one of his acquisitions hence no emotional attachment with you. You will end up being lonely in a foreign land and dependent on him for emotional, financial and psychological support. Do you think he can prodide them all? There are actually women who are built for such men but from yoyr write up you are like me (emotional) and his being all macho will hurt you.

    Mr A is a no no biko. And why do our girls still have this mentality that a man married to a white woman is arrangee?! Babe, he is a married man and wants you as a side piece. What makes you think a white woman cant get him to fall in love with her?
    Girl stop latching to a man for validation and happiness. If anything i would suggest you you this your Mr A and cross over to Canada and start a life since the one you have in Nigeria is not lucrative. Use him as he has used you...get there and keep working for your papers but dont marry him and dont get pregnant. He will mess up, i promise you, he will be the one to break up with you then you move on. Let him do bride price payement and relocate. When he finally gets that usual twiching in his brain again, give him back his pride price and move on. Divorce traditionally is so easy since no court hassles are involved.

    Bone biko! You are just 25. If you move to Canada yo will find your feet b4 you clock 28/30.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And it becomes a bone in her throat?

      Please where her "smartness " ends another ones own begins

      Don't use anyone if you don't want to be used

      Delete
  53. Darling, if you had a red dress you really like and have had for about 4 years, then it has a conspicuous tear in front made more obvious after mending it. Then some one offers you a blue dress that is really not your fit nor style but, at least, it's a dress. Then someone tells you to wait a while because very soon a boutique with the choicest dresses with different beautiful designs and colours will soon be opened. Which of these three options seems the best? That's your exact predicament.

    With all the scary chronicles you read here, aren't you super scared of making the wrong choice? Because, darling, the signs are ALWAYS there. People make the grievous choice of ignoring the signs and hoping things will work out, they rarely do. I'm sorry my love but under NO circumstances was the way Mr. A treated you acceptable! Are you kidding me? Who plays ping pong with the emotions of the one he claims to love? By the way, honey, on no account should you ever beg for a relationship to continue. No matter how your heart is breaking, walk away from the relationship unless you see yourself as a charity case and you don't mind being pitied like a wounded animal. Who wants to be with a man who is with you because you begged him to? You will take all the crap he dishes out because you are too desperate to be in his life and he knows it and guess what? Eventually, he will still dump you because you've become irritating and boring to him. Grieve, cry, scream, break stuff if you must but NEVER beg a man or a woman who wants to leave to stay.

    Just because there are two guys in the picture now doesn't mean it's an either or situation. No! to all who don't fit the profile of the best man for you. Honey, you are still young, is it how far or how well? What happens if you marry the wrong guy only for the right one to turn up 2 years later? Will you now send in another chronicle of how you are no longer in love and have now met the man of your dreams? Until you know what you really want, you will settle for anything then live to regret it and remain unstable, emotionally tossed to and fro. Please wait for the right man, I don't see what the rush is for.

    e-hugs and kisses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Very well said.

      Delete
  54. Mr A is not the one for you. Don't rush to settle down with B, take your time. Mr B may not even be the one, don't be desperate.

    ReplyDelete
  55. None is right for you, if you ask me.be patient the right one will come.

    ReplyDelete
  56. I agree totally with Ronalda. You don't have to marry now; neither of these men appears right to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will check Mr b well before letting him go. It's not easy to lose Canada paper. Just being realistic. Personally I say marry him at the registry. Move to Canada and continue observing. Don't get pregnant right away. If he gets worse instead if better, get a divorce there and move on with your life. There are no assurances in life. Sometimes take a chance but cushion yourself just in case. Canada can give you and your family a great life and he's offering it on a platter

      Delete
  57. So poster,you want to marry someone of the same age bracket with you. better to marry someone more matured. That Will not play games with you

    ReplyDelete
  58. Please dont go for any. I have been in your shoes. Begging a man to stay with you is never an option. I wony go for Mr B. Forget what he said about " u are still getting to know each other" if the beginning is not smooth now, it wont be. My ex husband was so strict that it was as if I was walking on egg shells. You choose the words to say. You find yourself rehearsing before talking to him.
    You can date Mr B but please dont commit to marriage yet. Meeting your family is good but not enough. Date him for sometime. Let him visit again and see how it goes. I live in Canada and the truth is that you will be miserable if you move here and it doesn't work.
    Please keep an option for Mr C open

    ReplyDelete
  59. Sweetie, I honestly believe you haven’t met Mr Right. Neither A nor B will lead to a lasting happy marriage. Trust me.
    Forget A period.
    Marry B only if you want to use him to get to Canada.
    Look for C.
    Signed, wise woman.

    ReplyDelete
  60. I only have one question for you dearie

    What do you want in your marriage that you'd term it bliss?

    I'm not asking what you do not want, but what you really want.

    The choice of whom to marry lies in your genuine response to the question above.

    ReplyDelete
  61. I think you are not seeing the good in Mr B becos u are still stuck on Mr A, let go of Mr A seems like a time waster to me. Good luck

    ReplyDelete
  62. Stella spoke my mind. I would only add that most people here speak like single ladies when certain issues are raised. I think Mr B is matured, been around and done that, all you need to clear your head fast and seek God's face. But B strikes me as a marriage material.

    ReplyDelete

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