STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ABUSIVE BOSS
Hello Stella,
I am writing this on behalf of my sister. I told her I would give her a reply by weekend, so we would both be reading comments and contributions from your bvs .
We lost our dad while in the University-me in my first year, she in her final year. Mom wasn't working, so we struggled to make sure we finished our education as that was what he would have wanted if he was still alive. I sold kerosene, did dropshipping of goods, ponzi schemes to ensure we got our certificates.
To the dilemma at hand, my sister called that her boss molested her. He almost raped her and she snapped the marks on her arm, resulted from struggling with him. She cried on the phone and wanted to resign the next day. I told her to take it easy, avoid the man totally and wait till weekend before submitting the resignation letter. She can't avoid the man totally because she's the desk officer and has to report to him daily.
Hello Stella,
I am writing this on behalf of my sister. I told her I would give her a reply by weekend, so we would both be reading comments and contributions from your bvs .
We lost our dad while in the University-me in my first year, she in her final year. Mom wasn't working, so we struggled to make sure we finished our education as that was what he would have wanted if he was still alive. I sold kerosene, did dropshipping of goods, ponzi schemes to ensure we got our certificates.
To the glory of God, my sister got a job after service while I am currently serving. The job has really being of help to her and my mom while I still do small jobs for upkeep purposes.
To the dilemma at hand, my sister called that her boss molested her. He almost raped her and she snapped the marks on her arm, resulted from struggling with him. She cried on the phone and wanted to resign the next day. I told her to take it easy, avoid the man totally and wait till weekend before submitting the resignation letter. She can't avoid the man totally because she's the desk officer and has to report to him daily.
She said he hasn't made any approach again since the last time but I know he would do it again because this isn't the first time but it has been subtle compared to the latest occurrence. I don't think we can sue him because he is very affluent and popular. Most Bvs familiar with Lagos society, would know him if I mention his company, his name or that of his wife.
I am scared of my sister remaining without a job if she resigns. She is my younger sister and I feel so troubled about everything. I want this to stop. I don't want her to be a victim of rape. I am so sad. I wish my father was still alive. I wish we had someone to run to. What do we do?
*I hope the comments help cos i really dont know what else to say other than she resigns ASAP!!!
Let her resign ASAP. God is the giver of everything so He will surely get her another one
ReplyDeleteShe should use the situation to get money out of him. Black mail . Take photos/videos show him demand money & tell him you need to leave the company for peace of mind.
DeleteHe-goats all over!
DeleteWith the money he has he cant go & be a big god to a small girl, he wants free pussy by force.
Anybody that rapes is evil enough to commit murder just to silence the victim especially especially if he has a marriage/name or business to protect.
DeleteI have been raped by a senior colleague before who I took like a senior brother. I had to agree to all he said including agreeing to date him just for my safety. I saw the demon in his eyes. I had to stop fighting because he looked like he could have strangled me and no one knew he had lured me to his house after work in the guise of checking his new place. I was compliant to everything he said if not he will have harmed me the way he pinned me down.
I reported him and he was dismissed. But I still left the company becos of the trauma of it all.
This reminds me of Anastasia Steele and her boss Jack Hyde in fifty shade darker. Why is it that some superiors like to force themselves on their subordinates and they feel they can always get away with their atrocities.
DeletePoster, let your sister resign so that she can have rest of mind first before any other thing.
Most Lagos socialites r living with HIV or Hepatitis, are there no CCTV? Can she plant a hidden camera to blackmail him? Cos this baby is a money making opportunity for both of u. Stella has refused to post my comments
DeleteIs the boss the owner of the business? If not, tell her to report to the owner but if he owns the organization, tell your sister to resign fast. She should give Stella evidence of this rape attempt. Once she (SDK) gets it , she will contact me.
DeleteShe needs to invest in a spy-cam.
ReplyDelete....in a country where the law doesnt favour the common man, even if she presents a hard evidence of him ripping her undies off, you think it'd help? Does she evn have the resources to follow up the case?
DeleteShe should just resign, & be at peace, instead of wondering when the next assault will happen, cus it will, her staying back has proven that she has nowhere to go & no one to report to.
She has to resign, though it wont be easy but that is the only way.
DeleteSpy cam ke?
DeleteMy cousin is currently being detained FOR BEING RAPED!
she reported to the police and they detained her, my uncle is now in the process of bailing her. This is Nigeria
I will advice she quits because she can't fight her boss, even with proof, case could be swept under the carpet and he may come for her. Please resign
I was raped by someone I considered as an Uncle that was helping me get a job. I wept bitterly and told him I was going report him. The Stupid man laughed and said which money do I have to settle police that I should better go and rest. I hated myself and felt filthy for more than 6 months. I lost so much weight but thank God I have my mum by my side. I have left the idiot to God to Judge
DeleteIf i were in your shoes i'd curse him so much to his face his blood would curl at the curses
DeleteAnon 17:07 you should have still reported.
DeleteWow this is very serious and her boss should be very ashamed of himself
ReplyDeleteIf she is to lose her job by resignation then it is also cool for her to expose the man for this evil act,as she can’t or won’t be the only one he has attempted such with or even gotten away with...stuffs like this is what leads to depression amongst our society and it is just sad to know
If he has been trying and almost succeeded then I tell you that the next time he’d succeed. She shouldn’t work in that kind of environment Where the owner is a beast. She should resign and seek another job, I pray she finds one soon enough.
ReplyDeleteAlso, this is why it’s good for a wife/mother to work. Earn something no matter how little so that when the head of the home is no more, you and your kids won’t be left at the mercy of fools. I’m so sorry your sister has to go through this but he is rich and can even buy his way with money. She should leave while she can before “if I had known” would come into play. Stop thinking about money/job for now, would you rather he rapes her just because she’s trying to protect whatever is left of her job? Please dear, you two contribute something and help the family. Your sister doesn’t deserve to be in such an environment and if I were you she’d stop work immediately because you don’t know what his next plans are. I’m certain it’s a private organization where there are no line managers et al. He runs the show and is not accountable to anyone, please she would get another job same way she got this one.
Why dont you comment and leave their mother out of it.
DeleteThis can happen to anyone, wether your parents are living or dead.
I don't see anything wrong in Doppelganger's comment. It's a general advice to women who don't do anything. Your sister should resign dear poster. The beast will meet his Waterloo soon.
DeleteAnon but what she said is the truth. One of the major reasons for still considering the job despite its risk is because they need to keep providing for their mum. It's just an advice, no insults given here.
DeletePoster your sister will need to leave that job as hard as it seems.
The environment is no longer safe for her.
In a bid to silence your sister, her boss could do much more than just rape.
Let her live to tell the story someday.
Anon 15:32 you seem to be on a fault finding mission. What Dopple said is nothing.
DeleteMeanwhile poster did you say subtle? My dear, there's nothing like subtle attempt to rape. Let your sister leave before he rapes her and kill her to hide what happened.
Anon.15:32,Doppelganger is so right.
DeleteI'm a case study, but won't be able to type...
I'm the first in the family of 6!
My dad died when I was in my final year with no one in the university after me as at then.
Nne,we always relied on our father. Mumsy wasn't working. But the moment he died my mom WOKE Up!
Her girls started meeting different challenges at the little jobs we got. Girl,the woman started a business and they all left mini jobs for school.
Singlehandedly, she has produced 5graduates,1 in 200l,she did these with no uncle or Aunty's help.
So hell,yes Doppel made a point!
You are right
DeleteAnon 18:06, thank God for your mum. So glad she made the right decision when it was needed the most. God bless your family.
DeleteDainty T, imagine o. If that happened to me I’m certain my sisters would go to his office and give him a good beating and no going back to work for a monster. She is conflicted because they are burdened with caring for not only themselves but their mum. Thanks for getting my point.
Anon 17:18, exactly he is only buying himself time. The next attempt won’t be unsuccessful. To men like that, it’s a game and he is excited each time she struggles to be free of him.
Poster, please ehn you are the only thing between your sister and that job. This man has nothing to lose, he’d get away with his act and still sack your sister because he’d need a new victim once he is done with her.
She should resign
ReplyDeleteThe money (even in millions) does not
warrant her being raped
and unable to
prosecute the culprit.Supposing she gets hiv/aids or other sti from such
a rape?
Nobody should humiliate a woman this way all because she pays her for works that she does.
Who knows, God might open a brand new
and better door for her if she is patient and perseveres.
it's easy to say resign. but then where will the next job come from? u know the answer to your question. I think what u want is for bvs to give her a better job. someone can assist. what qualifications does she have? we can rally and assist her. God will bless your hustle soon. it is well
ReplyDeleteU hope you ain't the poster
DeleteAnyways nice point you made though
I*
DeleteI would have said "keep video/recorded evidence" but the kind of person you
ReplyDeletedescribed in the Nigerian
situation can make your sister disappear if he knows about the existence of such.
Let her resign before she is raped.
The pain hardly goes away.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHold on? Do you want your sister to hold on until she gets raped? Ask yourself this: what is the worse/best thing that can happen if she resigns (life gets a little tough or things turn around real fast and she gets a better job)?. What is the worse thing that can happen if she stays with her boss (she gets raped and keeps getting raped, her life still gets tough and more messed up, no justice and she will be fired or will resign)?
ReplyDeleteSometimes when we experience some kind of challenges, it’s a way of God telling us it’s time to move to the bigger plan/place he has for us. If her boss is sweet to her, she will relax there and may never grow or move on to do bigger things. It is time for your sister to move!!!!
billion likes
DeleteGod bless
Poster pls take this
Think about the worst scenario and put your trust in God
Resign asap,she will eventually get a new & better job..
ReplyDeleteExcept she wants to be raped & then thrown out of that office like a used rag,or she succumbs to giving the boss sex in other to keep her job.
Ur sis should jejely resign ooo. So many of such beasts are HIV positive and looking for who to infect. Let her resign and look for another job
DeleteNot easy to get a job. She should think of a good way to retain the job while avoiding him. Pray after midnight and call him name to leave her alone😊
ReplyDeleteGod said receive sense. Please receive it. So because you have God that is why you will put your fingers inside fire and expect it not to burn? Because you know how to pray? Sigh
DeletePoster please let your sister resign next day. Safety before money. She can still get raped and be sacked #Godforbid
She should cry to the boss and explain her situation to him or play along leading him on for the now, he might be moved and not try again for sometime, giving her enough time to find another job. This might sound silly but it works. Just manipulate him.
ReplyDeleteIf she cant do this, then she should resign and hope to get another job immediately. Hopefuly, God will surprise her beyond her imaginations.
She should not resign but she should start looking for another job.
ReplyDeleteHe wont attempt to rape her again...at least for now.
"He won't attempt to rape her again...at least for now". Wow imagine your sentence. You know the mind of the Rapist abi.
DeletePoster sincerely I would advise your sister to resign because, if she doesn't resign, she'd still be fired.
ReplyDeleteSuch manner of men find it very difficult to handle rejection. So, most definitely he would not be able to stand seeing how everyday and also, there'd be the fear of her letting out his dirty secret.
If she doesn't resign and he doesn't fire her right away, be sure that he wants to try again, make sure he succeeds and then, fire her immediately. Either ways, she's out already.
She shouldn't try to file a complaint because if she tries it, he's going to turn it around and lie against her, accusing her of stealing or anything he feels like. Knowing the kind of society we live in, she's going to end up apologising to him cause, he is definitely going to win.
My point please, let her resign first thing tomorrow morning...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhen you believe in your God,potentials and good at what you do(your day job) you won't be scared of walking out of toxic situation like this scenario above..
ReplyDeleteRape is worse than losing a Job! You can get another Job later and move on,but the rape incident can't be erased from your memory forever..
Please your sister should resign cos there is no positivity when you are doing your day job while living in fear and still scared of the unknown..
Whatever costs you your PEACE is too expensive to be kept..
@MARTINS ABOY
She should resign today.
ReplyDeleteI pray everything good will find you and your sister.
Please tell your sister to resign. I know Nigeria is hard and there is no job anyway. But one thing is certain which is she will get a job that is bigger and better than this is one she is doing now. Cheer up. It will definitely end in praise. Good luck
ReplyDeleteLet her tender her resignation letter and move on. There's no other way around it.
ReplyDeleteThe don has spoken, listen.
DeleteReporting him to the appropriate authorities due to his affluence will be futile.{seeing how corruption has eaten deep into our system}For they might fail you for some token thrown at them
ReplyDeleteResigning without punishing his ass will be too easy, unkind and foolish.
Remaining there is very dangerous because he's sure planing his next attack
Take the photo shoots you have to a Human right under Ministry of woman affairs.Get a lawyer and file charges against.
Please start looking for Job else where and forget how good the pays against the safety of your Sister.
let her not struggle with the man. she should date the man and make money out of him and also keep her job. is your sister virgin? this kind of girl now will have one broke guy somewhere she calls boyfriend. nonsense!
ReplyDeleteAnon 15:42. That is all shades of wrong. The boss is a beast!!!
DeleteIf the boss wasn't a beast in human form, he would have asked her out and enticed her with gifts and money to sway her to accept his advances into being her sugar babe. In such situation, your advoce would have hold water.But no, he didn't. He is a psychopath who enjoys hurting his subordinates and inflicting pains on them.
So that your advice is dead on arrival.
Date?
DeleteDid the man tell you he wanted to be dated?
We are talking of outright rape and you speak of dating?
Lord help me provide for my girls so i can give them ALL they want so they dont have to fcuk a married over priviledged idiot to make money
#hungerbadsha
One thing I know about working with rich people is this, once they smell your fear they will use it against you.
ReplyDeleteshe has to confront him with a very stern warning that says "I don't mind loosing my job but if you ever try that Nonsense with me again I will bring you down"...SHE SHOULD NOT RESIGN as Nigeria is hard.
The warning will jostle him as most rich people are used to getting away with whatever they want and when they see people who darm the consequences and call them out on their rubbish they mellow.
So if she doesn't want a repeat attempt of rape by her boss she needs to draw the line...worst that can happen is that he will fire her but in her mind she will be glad she stood up for her self
LEP😛
Most women in the corporate world have experienced some sort of sexual harassment. In fact, some see it as office culture and look the other way.
ReplyDeleteOf course, people don't usually like to report because in most cases the person doing the harassment is a superior. Your sister has no choice but to simply find another employment.
Since this is a job she wants to keep, it may be worth it to identify a potential ally. This should be someone also on the receiving end of the harasser's behavior and they may be able to give you more insight on how to avoid the boss or make him stop or you can file complaints together (power in numbers).
If your sister is too afraid to file a complaint, let her send a mail from her personal email explaining the issue to HR. That way if anyone tries to retaliate or HR does nothing, you have proof of your communication to HR and if they try to terminate you, you still have access to the emails you sent and can use it as proof if you wish to pursue legal actions. Emails are forever just as Hilary Clinton.
Goodluck sisters.
Haba let her tag @segalink the man go go jail..gone are the days where people can be taken for a ride. Resign and pursue the case.
ReplyDeleteWhy shed the guy. Call him out. If you can't be like pretty mike, then don't know what it is. Your sister resign and another take her place, this same man will continue his animalistic attitude.
ReplyDeleteIf its me, I will call his name out and let's see what happens.
Your sister can resign as everyone suggests.
My own is shame the idiot. Let people know who the animal is.
Let her resign, unless she is willing to give in to him. She should resign tomorrow and tell him to pay her for the wotk she's already done this month and if he refuses, she should place curse on him and his female children, if he doesn't have, she should place the curse on his granddaughters yet unborn, that should bring him to his senses, to pay her off. Then she should look for another job, God will help her
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don’t know the hardships you guys will face after her resignation before she gets another job, I advice that she should start protecting herself by wearing a strong tight pant and a jean trouser to work for now while job hunting seriously. Trust God to give her a good job better than this hell. The wicked will not go unpunished.
ReplyDeleteShe should just wait and collect her May salary, then resign. Glad he didn't have his way the last time but you cant guarantee he won't the next time.
ReplyDeletePlease let her resign, God will give her a better job in Jesus name!!! Do you know the trauma she will go through if that beast succeeds? She will hate both you and your mum. It will affect her life negatively forever. Let me add, if she doesnt resign and the beast eventually succeeds, will she resign? Or she will become his sex slave?Please let had resign FAST!!!!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how distraught ur sister must feel. I had an experience like dat once. Truth is why It hurt me so much was because I taught I covered all bases. I never wore mini skirts. Always had sleeves...never showed too much skin and yet it happened. He reached for my breasts. I was even wearing a sleeve that day.So i waa so stunned.And i kept wondering wat I did wrong. It took time for my support group who told me it was'nt my fault. There was nothing i could have done. He was the problem. He did'nt rape me. I never reported him. Who was I to report him to? He had the highest title in the company. And he was a man. Your sister has scars meaning the situation is dire so let her let go of the job. Another will come. Will be praying for her.
ReplyDeletejust resign and move on..its a trial
ReplyDeleteReport the Man with Evidence!!!!
ReplyDeleteShe will get another job
Love and light to your family!!!
Thanks Stella for posting this.I am the poster. We are grateful to all the bvs who gave their opinions. She would resign at the end of this month. We are still contemplating different options and she has been submitting her cv to different firms. I would be through with service by July and would start looking for job or start a business. We both have substantial savings that we can use to set up something, pending the time a job comes along. We believe God would see us through everything and would not abandon us. Thank you everyone.
ReplyDeleteGod bless u both!
DeletePoster before the end of the month the man might still force himself on her and probably have his way with her this time. If she insists on staying till month end she should be armed at all times with pepper spray or anything she can use to defend herself.
DeleteEnd of the month is too far.
DeleteResign for what? Doesn't the company in question have an HR you can anonymously report to? Hold unto your job while searching for a better one. Keep records of your encounter with the boss, don't be the last one to leave the company, don't stay around him alone. His day of reckoning is nigh.
ReplyDeleteSTART VIGILS
ReplyDeletePlease resign. Promote yourself to a CEO. Start a business.
ReplyDeleteI’d like your sisters contact. Wish to be sending her monthly stipend so she can leave that job now!!
ReplyDeleteTell your sister to resign asap unless she want to give in to the boss sexual advances \harrasment else let her leave the job asap
ReplyDeleteEven if she will loss her job she should expose him too. Not reporting these men is the reason for the high rate of rape in our society. You will be shocked at how many he has raped if this comes out. Forget blackmail find women lawyers with NGOs and strong voice
ReplyDeleteGosh!! This is one thing I love about my company. No baga dares try this with a staff with all confidence that he is untouchable. By the time I send evidence to HR, the person whether MD or not is so gone!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your sister's ordeal.
That won’t be possible in this case as the perpetrator is the owner
DeleteI would not resign
ReplyDeleteIf only be around him in the presence of others or with the door open. The thing is everywhere and I cannot come and die of hunger running from job to job. I no get mind if not if set up my terms to collect money while sleeping with him
Resign fire! in this country where they are no jobs???? See, poster your sister needs to be street smart. she should cook up a story." sir, I've rejected your advances because you have been good to me and my family (if he has) I'm a virgin and I belong to the marine kingdom, ( she should say "i'm at risk for stating this") if you disvirgin me, you have to marry me in the physical and marine kingdom. if not, Within 12 days you loose your wealth, your wife, your kids and your life. if you still want me, name location and time. if he rejects you, state he can't fire you cos you've exposed what you shouldn't have cos of his lust or suggest he pays you three month salary to enable you look for another job. you need to be confident and look him straight in the eyes oh. she shouldn't go and be shaking like one jellybean... if he accept, as she's leaving the office for the location, she shouldn't turn back oh for he is a lost soul..... she should look else where for a job.. Gbam
ReplyDelete@angrybenuegirl you’re just a fantastic fool!!
DeleteLmao you watch too much of African magic
DeleteAnd you think most of these wealthy peoples hands are clean, the man might be occultic so he will not mind because he will be able to counter her spiritually.
Delete@Angrybenuegirl your comments made me laugh like mad woman pickin .
DeleteChinwe Uba
Anon 17:47, it takes a fantastic fool to know one. see this ode, I'm not the cause of your life problems oh, don't come under my post and start menstruating. Wetin do waka pass? But since u want to be useless in this life, I will help u. I mind my lane, comment when necessary but witches like u will make ones horn shoot out, don't make me bring out the angry side. nonsense....
DeleteDon’t tell him you’re a virgin oh. Some men will get more determined to be the first
DeleteShe had better resign immediately because the next time, he will surely have his way satisfactorily, boot her out and use his money to start and close the case. This is Nigeria and so much happens right under our nose and most women don't report due to shame, societal stigmatization, pity and mockery. Poverty makes one think a bird in hand is worth two in the bush. Truth be told, if she resigns, she would end up picking a far better offer and there are lots of opportunities available. Rape is worse than death especially as the victim watches the perpetrator walk free ad karma can be very very slow in action.
ReplyDeletePoster your sister should resign for her peace of mind if not the boss will make life hell for her if he doesn't succeed in having his way with her.
ReplyDeleteResign!!
ReplyDeleteNot easy but God will make it easy
Poster you are still asking jamb question. Abeg let her resign asap. I also went through sexual harrasement but I didn't wait for it to get to this before I left. Let her resign abeg she will get a better job.
ReplyDeleteIf the man is not the owner of the company, get enough evidence and report to his superior and see what happens. Then, you threaten the man too with your evidence. If she is bold enough, she can still stay and challenge the threat, however,if the man is the owner of the company. No other option left than to resign.
ReplyDeletePlease o, let her resign for her sanity and safety , another one will come, dont even think of managing the situation till a better job comes, i know it might be hard but thats the best option. The next time the man attempts it, she might not be lucky
ReplyDeletePlease let her resign,he won’t stop until he makes her life miserable. I really really hate this, ive been in a similar situation whereby mine got alot worse,I didn’t know what to do,i even brought d matter to sdk,but everyone wanted pictures, i just didn’t want my face out there. The best solution to this is for her to resign and look for another job,she might even get a better one
ReplyDelete