Stella Dimoko Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....


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Monday, July 01, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....



 Stella good day. I've found solace in your group for Seven years now. Sent a chronicle once. Well done.

This is 3am and for the past three weeks I have found it difficult to sleep, because of what is happening to me. I have dated a lot of guys some for years but they leave. Some leave because I'm a virgin that won't open my legs before marriage and they want to taste before marriage, some don't even want a virgin and others vain reasons. 

But one thing is sure, most guys that leave get married and of course I ask God 'why'. 

I was trained in a decent home, brought up with much discipline but here am I at the age of 30 without a husband. Currently i am not dating. 

Now to what scares me the most .......I am very used to being alone that I've been 'comfortable' being alone, save for the last three weeks I became comfortable in my skin. I have always prayed to settle down early in life, have my kids....but here am I. I get depressed, sometimes I give up. I went to a very good school, I have degrees but it took me time to have a job. Now the job is not very good but I'm able to save little, thank God. 

I want to leave the country, BUT I'm equally scared, that it may take a longer while for me to settle and get to know people there before marriage. Most of my friends have 2kids, what scares me is the fact that I'm not even dating. Now here is the situation. 
There is this boss of mine he is
-God fearing
- Our genotype matches
- All people that know him give good report about him
- I've known him for a while, even before getting the job.
But I've been scared of him before as my spirit refused to accept his. Getting to start talking to him now, he has shown interest and wants marriage but my fear

- I'm not attracted to him in any way, i have tried and tried but nothing
- sorry to say but he easily gets me disgusted, when I visit him I find it difficult to eat in his house. Yes he is not scattered but he does disgusting things like he doesn't wash plates well and some how all the things he does disgusts me

- he is 13 years older and has virtually nothing to his name as he has been helping in paying his younger ones fees and they are still on ground. 

Meaning more years to pay school fees so at this old age, when do we build?
- most times I feel, just like many of my ex's he wants me now that he has nothing because my family is quite stable(bless God). But his eyes are on my family name and money. Sometimes I feel he doesn't love me, but he sees me as a trophy. That's what happened to many of my ex- boy friends, when they get on their feet with Gods help through me , then I realise they were not who I thought they were. 

Stella and bv's , he isn't exposed at alllllll, so we reason on different levels and it's quite tiring and draining.
- Then the annoying thing is as I have not agreed to date him, he has made sure he has become a monitoring spirit over my life. His house is close to mine. If he sees me going out he begins to call me, sometimes he dresses to follow me, he can call me morning, afternoon evening. I'm tired, he is choking me. When I try to reduce taking his call (cos I don't call him) he starts emotional blackmail. 

When I'm travelling and I mention it, he will dress and cone to the park with me (as if to block other suitors). Please am I seeing this differently or advice on on what to do. Cos I don't feel attracted to him after marriage I can't even let him touch me, he has noticed I have never eaten in his house. We work Mondays to Saturdays and that is how he chocks me at work, people think we are dating but we aren't . I'm tired and drained. 

 I feel time is sooooo much against me, yes he is a good man but i don't love him. Please Advice me. Thank you::

Why do i have a feeling i have posted this before?this happens when Chronicles are sent several times and i save all....Anyway if i have pardon me and give your advice again..


  1. You have the answers already poster.

    1. Hey lady... relax, 30 is not too old. Blessings come from God.
      Do not settle for anything less out of desperation. Your best bet is to travel out. When you get there, join a dating site, it helps a lot. Please, discard that man like a bucket of shit.
      such person will shut out family and friends from your life and start manipulating you. Be warned. Enjoy your single life while you wait for The right man because he will SURELY come!!!

    2. Dear poster, I'm 34yrs old, single with an MSc and yes, very confident of getting married and I'm thinking to a younger man sef, bcos somewhere in my head I feel they come with less drama.
      So dear poster, do u mind relaxing and focusing on building the future you want for yourself, try enjoy life bcos it is a privilege to be alive and always pray with faith knowing hears and answers prayers.
      So about the pain n frustration you feel, but trust me, it's a torture of the pit of hell, dont allow it.

      P.S: I'm currently single and unemployed, but very happy and full of hope. Pls snap out of that tacky mood.

    3. Poster, I met my hubby at a wedding at 33 and got married at 36 and we have kids now. Don’t rush or pressure yourself, just plan your life well. Most times, we get what we’ve been praying for or what we need when we’re not even expecting it - which was what happens to me. I never would have believed if anyone told me that the silly guy who kept teasing me about my city at the wedding we both attended would be my husband few years later. I wasn’t even thinking of a relationship because I had recently dumped my ex at the age of 32, whom I thought would be my forever and I was going to take a break from relationships to reflect in order to avoid missing the red flags I missed with my ex. Hubby on the other hand said he planned to marry me the moment he saw me and just needed to go by it on a way that wouldn’t scare me away. Poster, leave the country if you can. It’ll even be better. Make good friends in you new location. Get your education and take good care of yourself and don’t let age weight you down, that mentality would make you look older than you really are. You’re actually still young, trust me. Your youthful, and vibrant light will shine bright to the right guy. And anon 17:07, hubby is 2yrs younger with little to no drama. If you meet a serious and decent younger guy who shares similar values, please go ahead and God will bless your future unions, poster, anon and all my naija sisters hoping for forever love. May your heart desires locate you. Amen ❤️

    4. Anon 15:39, most ladies abroad are single, please do not mislead the poster. Poster, there are hardly any good marriage prospects abroad, that's why many people come back home to find spouses. Marry before you travel or ask God if your husband is abroad, I don talk my own o...

    5. 21:04, story! So why didn’t I have to travel back home to find husband? Nobody really goes back home to find wife because of all the recent stories we’ve all being hearing. Plus naija babes don’t have the best reputation anymore even though I know it’s unfair and there are lots of decent girls there. That’s why a lot of girls a meeting one-chance “abroad” guys these days. They just go to naija to deceive and use girls and then return to their base because they believe all naija girls want is money/go abroad and that they pretend a lot. Also, a lot of men who go back home to marry especially nurses, we know their stories online and how it all ends. Poster, as long as you’re not going on a man’s ticket but your own. Even though you can find your husband anywhere but it’s easier to meet someone outside Nigeria plus you would not be weighed down by the mentality of “age is not on my side” when you’re outside Nigeria. That would help you focus on other things while you take time to meet the right people and make a good choice. By the way, at my wedding last year, I was surprised to see a few of the groomsmen scouting girls for their friends who couldn’t attend the wedding and they hooked up 2 of my bridesmaids with theirs friends because all the groomsmen were engaged except one who was married. I just thought only ladies did that. So men too are looking for wives and are asking their friends to keep a lookout for them when they attend weddings. True Story! So poster, if you can’t travel out, that’s fine too but if you can; please do. You can meet more open minded guys who are looking for real wives and who won’t think or act as if they’re doing you a favor for marrying you at any age.

  2. Someone created you; isn't it?
    Your creator loves you; doesn't he?
    He knows what you need even before you ask him; do you know this scripture?
    He wish above all things that you
    reproduce and fill the earth and that
    in a lovely marriage; isn't it?

    The last two point is what might
    be "a kind of puzzle to you".
    Every good product comes with a manual.
    The human being isn't an exception. The problem is that a lot of us have
    never cared to open the Word of God the Holy Bible.
    I crave your indulgence but these are the principles I've applied in my life
    and I have not found any that does not work; from salvation to where
    I find myself now.
    My advice to you lady is that you begin to seek to know your creator
    who "makes all things beautiful in HIS TIME..." (google this please).
    HIS TIME for you to get married, have kids, die etc. is something you can
    know from seeking him. I knew mine and I walk with them. David said... help me to know the number of my days
    that I might apply my heart to wisdom. Psalms 90:12.
    If you do not have this wisdom of
    the number of you will fret and fretting leads to evil... the evil one can so easily harvest
    the souls of anyone that frets.
    How do you seek God? Good question:
    Praying, fasting, the word of God. That is how. You may be surprised that I did not
    add "church"? Know you word and the Holy Spirit will lead you.
    Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and every other things will be added to you.

    1. Very apt response. God bless you for this

  3. Let me just ask one question. This man that is following you about, if he gets
    a lot of money like wins a lottery of 50 million naira, will you agree to date or marry him?
    This will help your reasoning.

    1. What is 50M naira, e no reach buy Royce royce, talk of 1billion pls.

    2. @15:34
      With 50 naira, your legs spread like Lokoja confluence town for any
      rod ready to drill.

    3. Lolzzzz... a native fowl remains a native fowl. Money is built on existing foundation and create a new foundation for the new borns. So, forget the man becoming posh after becoming rich.

  4. From your narrative,you have 2 problems;
    1.You are 30 and still unmarried while your mates have at least 2 kids.
    2.Your boss is interested in you but you don't love him and you feel disgusted by him.
    Hmmm,don't marry a man you don't love because you will never be happy and you will transfer that bitterness and hatred to your child(ren) subconsciously.(i learnt that from my late mum).
    Let him go,your own man will show up but if you cannot wait,you have to apply 'spiritual' wisdom!
    The ball is in your court!

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    1. I am really sorry you had to experience this. I pray you find a release soon in Jesus name

  6. you haven't posted it before. We dedicated readers know . It was posted in anonymous post. few of us commented she should send it here.

    1. This has been posted before under this Chronicles post.

  7. Yes stella you've posted this before.

  8. I really don't understand this chronicles. This is the first time i am having difficulty in comprehension. Please if you understand advice her duely

  9. Don't be in a haste to settle down. All those men didn't leave because you are a virgin. They left because they weren't the ones for you.

    This may sound like a cliché, but trust me, when you meet the one for you, you will finally understand. And please stop saying I am 30 and not yet married. Why don't people realise that God doesn't look at that? Our ages are inconsequential, else we will all be married at the same time, aferall God isn't partial.
    Know this always.... Your timeline isn't God's timeline. You will only get married at his time, and that's the plain truth. When you've come to the full realisation of this, you will rest well on your oar(you've worried enough) and let it happen in due time.

    1. I agreee
      When I met the man am getting married to, I understood why all those past relationships never worked. This man is EVERyTHING! I cringe at the thought of if i had settled!

    2. When I got married, I understood why and I still thank God everyday that none of the ones before worked. My husband is exactly what I need and want. I am even thankful for the age at which we married; if we'd married in our 20s, it wouldn't have worked.

  10. Next guy you meet don’t tell him you’re a virgin. Some guys pester and say virginity is the reason they can’t go forward but it’s not always the case, once you mention it, they start guilting you about it and making u feel that’s why they want to leave. If you don’t want to wait again and you want to have sex, pls go ahead it stop feeling like virginity is stopping you. My friend that hasn’t had any reasonable man ask her out for s few years also said virginity was bothering guys. I said please be honest. How is it bothering people that don’t even know about it.
    If you don’t like this guy ,break it off and stop letting him stand in your way.

  11. Madam, this life is easy o.i am in mylate 30's though not a virgin but i have been single for over 5years. Dont kill yourself, anything that you need to change about yourself to attract a good man pls do. But that virginity, pls keeep it God will bring a man who will accept your terms. As for this oga man, draw the line at once, tell him its not working and dont waste his time.

    1. But was that what u wanted for your self? let's be truthful Its not it

  12. Don't marry a man you don't love.Love is not enough in marriage but it helps keep you sane.You should stop visiting your boss and giving him green light(picking his calls and telling him your whereabout)I am sure he thinks you are playing hard to get or testing his patience so he's trying to please you.

  13. Your spirit rejects him for a reason - he's the counterfeit. I know it is hard but trust God. I married at 32 as a virgin. I was also mocked by an ex who nearly raped me. Virtually all my friends married before me. It's not like nobody was coming but my spirit no gree. They said I was too picky, asked me what I was looking for. Next they started saying, "We'll see who will marry her. Shior!" I didn't know how to articulate it; how do you explain what you have never seen? But I knew I'd recognise him somehow. My spirit recognised my husband before my brain did.

    The story is long and still unfolding but suffice to say God Himself honoured me with this marriage. I'm educated and accomplished, but leave matter. If I had married someone else... shudders. It's not as if my husband doesn't annoy me sometimes or vice versa, oh. I always say my marriage is an arranged marriage but it's also a love marriage. We didn't date; he indicated his intentions five years before it actually happened. And when it happened, even I was shook-eth at the speed and seamlessness. I literally didn't have to lift a finger. I'm not saying yours will be exactly like that but I felt the need to mention it cos you're worried you're not dating now. My husband and I dated other people that we didn't marry. Dating isn't what makes you know someone, or makes them right for you.

    Trust God, don't allow the devil use your emotions to push you into what you'll regret.

  14. If u don't love him leave him and tell him.. No need marrying someone u don't love

  15. Not loving someone is one thing,feeling disgusted at his sight is another.You cant eat in his house and you cant even allow him touch you.
    Please poster so not marry this man,if it were to be only love ,i would have said it can grow but the other one ?please wait till you find someone you love .30 is not the end of the world.

  16. Do not marry a man you're not attracted to.
    You have listed all his shortcomings, if you're not comfortable, warn him to steer clear.

    1. Not attracted to is one thing. She's disgusted by the man sef.

  17. Poster, sit up, hold your ears and repeat after me;
    Now listen, the fact that your friends already have kids and yada yada yada shouldn’t be your concern.
    Your comfort being single right now is a plus ‘cos you get to focus on other more important issues e.g purpose.
    From all indications, you don’t like this your boss.
    Aunty your own husband will come. Who knows if he has seen you sef that this your monitoring spirit boss is knowingly barricading the way???

  18. I'm going to be 32 for this month and i'm single. But you know the amazing thing is I have found myself and I know what peace of mind supposed fiance doesn't want a wedding and threaten to suspend the marriage plans if I talk about it. Meanwhile we already agreed to have a simple small wedding, he didn't pick my call for 3days and I stopped calling. I choose peace of mind anyday anytime. All my friends are married with kids but I have refused to be desperate. it's not easy but you can do it consciously. Marriage is beautiful when the equation is right and getting depressed because you are yet to is crazy. Take yourself out,give yourself special treats, let your joy radiate from your inside, love God and pray for his guidance. Do not marry that man till you are convinced.

  19.'re still 30...don't be depressed abeg. If you're not feeling this guy then don't get pressured into a relationship that you may regret in life. Travel if you want's hard to make new friends,it's true, but it's not just have to 'not' give up..go for functions, bars, club it up sef, church .etc...just don't sit at home doing nothing. I would have advised dating sites but mehn that place is more dangerous than you going out. All I am saying is...being in a relationship is not everything in life...just be more bold and live your life,suppress fear and be happy. Good luck.

  20. Dear Poster,
    Reading your chronicle almost brought tears to my eyes. We're almost on same boat.
    Single,not dating, virgin and we're almost age mate.
    Sometimes I wonder why do bad things happen to good people.
    Anon 15:15 said every good product comes with a manual.
    What we need is faith and trust in God.
    If your spirit doesn't accept him, please do not go along with him.
    Take it to God in prayer and believe HIM Totally, Only go ahead if He (God) said you should.
    I have some one on my case but I do not love him. I just wish I do but the love is not coming forth. I made him understand but he still will not let me be. But I know better than marrying someone for the 'MRS' title.
    Dear, We need to go to our creator, He alone have every answer to our questions, needs and wants.
    If you don't mind, we could be friends and prayer partners, gisting about any and everything thing and most especially helping each other grow spiritually while waiting for 'Bro'. Send me an email if you're interested, I'll get back to you.

    1. Have sex if you want. I don’t believe scripture stops you. There’s nothing in Old Testament saying don’t have sex before marriage
      Only Paul talks about it and he’s not God and doesn’t even seem to have said don’t have sex before marriage

    2. 18:34
      It defiling the body
      Its called formication

      Don't mislead others abeg

  21. Dont marry him oh, il tell you for free,ul regret it, and cry day and night like ive been crying, theres no need to suffer cus of desperation,he would never adjust,and its harder when they are broke, intimidation disturbs them badly especially when ur from a confortable home.

  22. Poster please don't marry this man. Stop him from following you about,let him know he is choking you. Haba is that how to love someone? God forbid.
    You need to start socializing more. Go out more, plan hangouts with friends,take yourself out to nice places,get involved in church activities. Pray. Marriage & marrying the right one for you is by grace not by luck. It will come but you have to make moves,strategic moves to take it by force & preventing all these enemies feim stopping you. Start by socializing so you can have more options, continue praying,don't relent,call on God to settle you. 30 is young for you to start getting all worked up . concentrate your energy in doing things that will make things work out & stop thinking about how miserable life has being or can become.

  23. Desperate lady @ 30, cos you are 30 you want to kill yourself before our time. If you like rush and marry someone out are not into just because your mates has two kids is you that will still rush out.

    Someone out don't have feelings for you are saying time is against you, Weldon madam time keeper. Are you God? Where is your faith?

    Forget all the guys that want to test your pupsy before marriage, non is your husband. When the right man comes he will never complain, you will fall in love with him yakata. Relax, focus on your job, build your elf esteem, age is just a number and not the end of the world. Wishing you all the very best.

    1. Your comments are always poorly written. It is a hassle to follow through and understand them. I don't know if you do not proofread or auto correct fucks you up or you just have very poor command of English.

  24. Poster:
    1. Do not get involved with a man you have no attraction towards, do not date out of pity and definitely don't marry him
    2. Do not cry over men who leave you for wanting to be a virgin on your wedding night, they're not for you
    3. Do not let desperation let you consider a man you're disgusted by
    4. Focus on becoming a better person, further your career, learn a new skill, move to a new country, don't waste this precious time worrying about a man, when you're at the top of the game, you're better positioned to get the cream of the crop
    5. Get a tangible goal to work towards, like owning a house, starting a sustainable business, something that gives you purpose; work towards it and you will find fulfillment, and let me tell you nothing brings you closer to the man meant to help you in life's journey than working towards your purpose
    6. Relax

  25. I really want to know what is with Nigerian women and marriage? Like seriously? Is there something in that country that makes people desperate for marriage? I was feeling really terrible the some days back when my aunt spoke to me in Igbo and I could only reply her in English I said to myself "darn it!! if only I had grown up in Nigeria, I would not have this problem." I want to speak Igbo fluently and once in a while I wish I grew up in Nigeria but then I come online and see these chronicles and I am grateful to the universe for sparing me small mindedness and male worship or should I say marriage worship. Out of all my African friends, colleagues etc.,Nigerian women are the most desperate for marital relations.

    About 3 weeks ago, I celebrated my 37th birthday.I invited more than a few work colleagues and when it was time I stated my age which was boldly put on the cake as well, the next thing I heard was a Nigerian colleague literally scream "Wow! you are old o. God would make a way and fulfill your heart desires. You would get a husband and your house shall be filled with kids before your time is up." Like WTF???!! First off I don't believe in any "Gods" and I certainly don't ask anybody to grant my desires. Second off I don't want kids!! This is a colleague that I am just cordial with, nothing extra ordinary. Another colleague, again Nigeria asked to speak with me privately and "advised" that I need not wait on the fanciest of men and marry anyone so I can at least have children who are not bastards and would be there for me when I am old. I am like, okay?? I had no idea what to say to this person. They are always obsessed with marriage and/or kids and think everybody should be too. Ridiculous! Event the women who have been here for a while and a half have this same outlook. It tires me to be their friend. Always insisting on weird prayer points and "points of contacts"!

    Just look at this 30 year old and what she thinks about. I have no advise unfortunately because this narrative is ridiculous to me. They need to quit teaching Nigerian women to aspire to marriage. It shouldn't be a thing in 2019! I am asking genuinely, what does marriage give Nigerian women that they are so desperate? Is it children? Property? etc. I have tried and tried and picked my brain, I just can't seem to grasp why. Anyway I would appreciate some enlightenment.

    1. My dear, your brain nah correct one. If you desire your peace of mind in this life eh, better leave Naija pipo/fake friends alone.

    2. My dear, your brain nah correct one. If you desire your peace of mind in this life eh, better leave Naija pipo/fake friends alone.

  26. 30 years old and you are crying. You are still young. Don't be desperate and marry someone that will make you regret. When you make that mistake the people putting pressure on you now will not help. Next thing you will be a young divorcee.#experience

  27. I am 37,currently single,i work and live in Lagos. I haven't died.
    Get rid of this attitude and live your life.

  28. Dear poster, i think i might understand you. I am 30, i clocked 30 in february and i just started dating again a little over a month. There were 3 of them and it was up to me to chose one which i did. Please, relax, be yourself, invest in yourself and please pray too. If you get to see my comment you can reach out to me. I'll be praying for you, please be safe.


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