Stella Dimoko Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....


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Monday, August 05, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....



Hey Stella, i have been a reader of you blog for years on end. Thank you for this platform. It's quite a long read and I made it as short as possible. Here is my story.

I'm a 26 year old doctor who schooled abroad and retuned to Nigeria to be licensed here. I'm currently doing my housemanship in Lagos after which I plan to leave after youth service. I'm a church girl and I'm also pretty but I realized that i haven't gotten a lot of attention from men.

 Like i can stay for 6 months and no one is on my case. Well i don't go out except from church and i don't even go to church always because i can be on call on some Sundays and I'm also new to the church. So i don't know where people meet people again. It's like guys just don't just walk up to people anymore and somehow people always think i have a boyfriend.

 I'm also very specific about the guy i want, because I'm a virgin and not planning to change until after marriage. So you can see how the pool of men have further reduced.

To the main point. I always hated the idea of dating someone who was even my mate to talk of someone younger than me. But when i got back, i met this guy through a friend at a wedding that was 3 years younger. As a Nigerian, that's like already a taboo. I don't even want my friends or family to know. Even the one that introduced us. They all think we are friends. He is like my best friend, we just clicked from the onset. Its been over a year now and we still talk everyday even though he is in another state as i moved to another state for my housemanship for one year. I really like him and we even say I love you even though i feel like it would never work. He is always planning future things, talking about our kids and I'm just always looking. 

I feel this attachment is not allowing me be free to even meet people because I don't even know if I'm single or not and i can't deal with this guy not being in my life even if its as a friend. We tried to go our separate ways but it just didn't work. I really wish i cut it off sooner. 

I don't know how to break it off. I'm just confused. He earns like 3 times less than me and still working on finishing his degree in a few months. I have had to give him money on several occasions because it's not easy for him. I also know that his level today doesn't determine his future. So marriage is not even in the books at least for 3 years. I like him but I don't think I can wait and the age thing is something i can't even tell anyone. I also don't want him to feel like he has no choice than to marry me when he grows older because I waited for him.

I feel like i have to give myself a chance to meet someone older than me and feel like I'm in a proper relationship. The truth is that if not for the age and his level career wise, this would have been the person for me. He is such a supportive person and i have a fear of never meeting someone else like him. He is coming to see me in a few weeks and i don't know whether to break it off then or just do it now so he doesn't stress himself coming for this. I also feel I'll chicken out.

I have a wedding coming up and i feel i might meet someone there since i never go out. I don't want to tag him along and then meet someone else and break it off with him. I don't want him to feel like i was using him. Because i can meet someone even now and I won't lie to him or even to the new person. I can also break it off with him and meet no one but I'm not scared of being alone for a while. I have done that for a long time in my life. I just want to meet my person.

 I just need advice. Is this age thing a Nigerian mentality or should I just be realistic and give myself a fair chance at love with someone else. I have only been in one relationship before when I was abroad with someone that was from another country. So you can say that I have not had a proper relationship ever. He is aware of my fears but we have not talked about it in a while. I know I sound naive but please I need your advice...

*So your problem is age?Age is nothing but a number anywhere else but in Nigeria....You said you are only in Nigeria until you are done with service....Shouldnt this also be a problem?...That the relationship may not survive the miles?
My advice?give someone else a chance at love but know that these days it is hard for the/some men to agree to dating without  intimacy..
Good luck.


  1. Replies
    1. Poster even if you overlook everything and you agree to date him he will still ask you for sex. All these while you have friends did he tell you he is celibate. This one year he has been friends with you, where has he been getting his feel?So if he dates you he will now suddenly stop sex.bikonu say something else!Besides all is niceness could be because you just arrived. And you have achieved more than him.

    2. Age is nothing but number, but make sure the family like you alot, and you love your boyfriend very much to avoid stories that touch. God bless you.

    3. Poster you are just 26, in Nigeria temporarily and in my opinion focusing too much on the relationship ish. Why so worried? Just live your life and be prayerful the right guy will come. Just chill. If you have friends go out, jion church activities, do stuff you enjoy. All will be well. Don't forget to invite us when things click.

    4. Poster seem to be thinking now and not long term which may never exist.
      Poster, enjoy ur stay here and don't carry any baggage bcos of emotions.

    5. I think your head is over-worked for a relationship that is not even real. I wonder what you would cook up in your head if you finally find a man.

  2. The guy is like 23/24, well I can tell u he won't be ready to settle down till he's in his 30s n that's is if he hammers on time.

    If he was through with his first degree at least, I for say play around him but this one sperm fit still dey learn work. pls keep your eyes up.

    1. Lol, #bull's eye .
      That guy is not about to marry you and even he does, na so you can cross him to the abroad

    2. Blackberry, hmmmm..

      My best friend(male) lost a very good woman based on his "overcalculation" too.

      They were initially same level in different Universities when it all started.
      During the time of those very long ASUU strikes, his father made him go start all over at a private University so he fell 2 years behind her.

      Lady didn't mind, was still supportive and all. That's how my stupid best friend started calculating and whining saying that she will soon grad and then might start pressuring him to marry and he still wanted to go to medical school...blah blah.

      I asked him if the girl complained to him? He said No. Did she ever insinuate/give off signs of being marriage-needy. He said No, but he knows women get pressured blah blah.

      He broke up with that girl, the girl was really heartbroken.

      Guess what?

      She graduated before him of course, went to Europe for her, is back and still haunting for a job. My best friend left the country after his degree, got PR in the US of A, got a license as a pharm tech, currently works at Johns Hopkins.

      He started begging the lady back as soon as he found footing in USA, girl said No and is still saying No. Rumour has it she's engaged to another already.

      Bestie keeps lamenting about his foolishness at letting her go.

      All i am saying is you never can tell, status can change.

      But with the age thing, if the poster is quite disturbed, then she should let him go.

  3. It's like nobody wants a virgin anymore. I am 29 too a psychologist and a virgin, yes very beautiful. But no godly men around. My friend told me when I was 22 that no guy wants a virgin but I chuckled.all my friends are married now. They get attracted but chicken out when they realise even kissing is off the table. Why kissing? Because I don't want one thing to lead to the other. Well you will be fine. Since you aren'sure of where your heart stands with this guy, I will suggest you go out more and make friends. Hopefully you end up meeting the one. But beware, some would pretend to be okay with keeping off sex for a little while, but the moment they sense that you are not giving in, they give a cold attitude. So brace yourself .

    1. You will find my dear. Give it time.

      Change your circle, move with like minds.

    2. @peace, story of my lifeπŸ˜”.

      Poster please focus on your relocation and forget him. He doesn't seem much if a good prospect. He is planning his future with you in his head and still has the impetus to accept money from you. He doesn't seem honest and prolly sees you as his escape route from Nigeria.

      How are you sure he even wants to get married in the next three years? Come on...he is just 23!

    3. Lol.
      You just want to play the victim card here. Who told yu guys don't want virgins.. you must be a comedian., . The thing is just that we are tired of meeting girls that would say they are virgins and then boom!they were not virgins anymore. They begin to tell you stories of how the were molested as a child, or how they lost it while dancing shakushaku lol.. as a matter of fact, I don't believe in celibacy, it just a scam, I will only do it with a lady that is a virgin. By this, I must get prove of the virginity ,to avoid stories that touch later lol.
      If guys are running away from you, it's not because you are a virgin, please check your character and other necessary stuffs.

      Another thing, what do you mean by godly men? You need to calm down and really think of what and what is expected of a man, then use it to pick the 'godly' men you so desire. Some of you lose treasures because you have a messed up definition of how something should be.. you think godly men are all those men going to church and attending all the weekly service. I pity you.

      Also, tamper on your rules, me saying I can date a virgin until marriage, doesn't mean we won't enjoy some other fun benefits. I'm not saying you should kiss, if that's your weakest spot, all I'm saying is that you compromise some of your rule and reach an agreement. You don't expect anyone to come and join as a party to an agreement he wasn't part of. You also don't expect just one party to be making all the sacrifice and expect them to stay.. Hell No. He is as important in the relationship, the same way you are. Bless.


    4. I'm 30 and also a virgin. It's nice to know there are ladies like me who choose to keep their virginity (either for protection or to obey God's laws on sex).

      I agree. Even the so-called christian brothers are also requesting (demanding) for sex and i hear some sad stories of women who have fell victim to men who say they are cool with no sex but turn out to be either gay or have some sexual problems. All these give me headaches sometimes.

    5. If you want to have sex go ahead. Read your Bible well. it doesn’t stop you.

    6. Virgins get married my dear,I got married @ 28 as a virgin.i kiss,I see no big deal in that.d poster u calm down but without age difference she should find love somewhere else..I was in such relationship too,was older with 8month bt he never told me he was not comfortable with it and started giving me altitude when he got a new job.i just jeje chicken out without drama

    7. Poster 1935 you can't tell us that after you give am kiss, it ended there nau biko. Give dem an inch dey take a mile. Na wetin she dey avoid be that. Before they shout say she dey lead dem on. Anonymous 1857 You read your bible wella and drop that novel wey dey deceive you. Sex is only honourable within the confinement of marriage and the bed undefiled. Stop to dey gather unnecessary soul Tie u hear?. Sex is spiritual. I got married as a virgin in my 30s. Don't worry ladies it will happen for you soonest. You will all get the best. Chronicle poster, if you are having doubts about any situation then it's your intuition telling something ooo. Key into that and stop giving that bobo money, let's see if he will continue to show love.

    8. Funny world we live in...I'd have loved to meet/interact with you girls. Traditional values appear not to be attractive these days. As it stands, if a guy says he isn't into random sex, that he limits sex to his relationships, or has never had sex, you lot will say he's either wanking, lying or something's wrong somewhere. Guys hear you say you're a virgin, they smile and be like 'na so'. Hard to believe anyone in this so called mordern world.

      One thing though, virginity isn't an indication that anyone is 'good'. My only worry with virgins is that it is tricky to predict what they will become after they open that high and mighty place. If only lots of pple will concentrate on developing, protecting and flaunting warm human qualities as much as they do 'virginity' (which by the way is not a human quality...but a decision).

      Anyway ladies, stay resolute, that decision can be a pointer to a strong-willed mind. Poster, u knw u'd leave naija soon, u knw he's younger, u knw u prefer older, ur instinct tells u this won't work....if only u knw how powerful a woman's instincts are. Be informed though, that meeting pple abroad is even trickier than back home. Take it from a guy who's been outta naija for a bit. Luckily u r still youngish...2yrs from now panic button might begin to buzz in ur ear when u return back. Residency adds to the complexities of social life abroad for most Nigerians who value African culture...Meet as many pple as u can mix up! Go places...stop staying at home, we don't knw where u live, even if we did, we can't just knock on ya doors and say well hello!

    9. Anon 16:25. Well "LOL" right back at you.
      Permit me to quote you "If guys are running away from you, it's not because you are a virgin, please check your character and other necessary stuffs". Well I was expecting this part.
      Isn't that always the normal retort, you lot dish out to virgins? The usual "Something must be wrong with you, you must have a bad character" mantra. Like the ones who keep getting married are saints or perfect, no wonder the last divorce recorded took place in 1785. Two perfect people and a perfect marriage. I see!

      Guys aren't the ones running, (please re-read) on the contrary, I do the running.
      When a guy tries to use reverse psychology on me, by giving me an attitude due to lack of sex thinking that would make me lose my resolve. The moment he realises the joke is on him, I have moved on.

      I have a bad attitude yet they always come back proposing marriage after they have roamed the whole nook and cranny. Yea right! I believe you.

      You don't believe in celibacy? Honestly, I don't care! Don'take this the wrong way, but You definitely aren't my type, so do you.

      You will only do it with a virgin? Are you one yourself? You must also get prove of virginity. *sigh* Mr, Really... I am not on the lookout for your kind.

      I am not a virgin because I want to look desirable to an infallible human. I am one because I know who I am in Christ and I don't need to engage in fornication to prove myself to a mere mortal.

      *Godly men definition* according to biblical standard and not worldly standard (doing this because you asked)

      A doer of the word not just a listener. Someone who put God'doctrine into practical use in his everyday living.

      Someone who knows his body is the temple of Christ, and you don't need to attend church to be a Christian. (You are the church but the one you attend is just an edifice) Not someone who believes attending church activities and acting religious is synonymous to being godly. Yes! There is a difference between a Christian and a mere church goer. I know that. Why do you think we were warned to discern so as to know when we meet wolves in sheep's clothing? You pity me? I know it's coming from a good place, but honestly I don't need it.

      I should tamper on my rules? Woow! And you got me thinking I was the comedian. I don't have rules except biblical principles laid down by the only one who matters☝. We don't twist God's word to suit whatever suitation we find ourselves in. His word is FINAL! I don't kiss not because it is my weak point, like how would I know my weak point.I have never gone that route before.
      Read song of Solomon and you will understand what the Bible means when it says "Flee from all appearances of evil". The Bible says" he that is trusting in himself is a fool". "who plays with fire and doesn't have his bossom burnt"?

      Are you even suppose to enjoy few benefits outside of marriage? Sorry! But I don't see someone who doesn't obey God's word as a treasure. Our definition of that word truly differs. Have a good night.

      Anon 19:35. I know that darling, my big sis got married as one back then. Just exagerating, I guess.

      PS.Stella, didn't mean to digress. Resending not sure I sent it the first time.

    10. I got married at 33 a virgin, your man will come.

    11. Anonymous 22:00 , I hope you married a virgin because if your husband wasn’t a virgin it means you married someone who has done soul ties with other women...hian

    12. @Peace I was laughing like popcorn while reading your comments but you're doing the right thing you'll get the right results.But at least you don't get heart break cos no intimacy. @ANG see your sister.

      @ ANG tell @Dante who's requesting Peace to relax her rules how you were able to marry without compromising.

      The most Complex

    13. Lol.@Peace
      Its easy to see why you are where you are from this your write up. Nagging up and down. You don't know anything but you think you know. Asking me if I'm a virgin myself bah.. them feminist dem.. I just hope you get your acts together before it gets too late. Bless


    14. @Peace πŸ‘Œyou have got a good hea on your shouldersπŸ‘πŸ‘.

      Dante that one up there isn't your regular virgin. This one has a purpose and a vision engraved in the creator. Woow! Would love to meet you though, I am mesmerized.

    15. Lol@Anon 2:49

      Let's flip the script. You are in a relationship with a guy, he says no sex, well cool. Then he adds, no kissing, no touching, no hugs, no swwt talking, no nothing at all. You have never seen his dick raise, never felt it's turgid state. In all honesty, won't you be worried? I'm sure you will send a chronicle here, and your fellow ladies would tell you to run that the guy is gay.

      Whenever a guy puts a lady on check, You ladies just throw caution to the wind and refuse to be logical one bit, and turn it to gender war.

      It's from a relationship one gets hint of what to expect in marriage, would you see a future with a man who refuses to compromise or sacrifice one bit? Everything has to be on his term.. that's when big words with start flying about- chauvinist, sexist etc. I never advised her to have sex, hell, didn't even advice her to kiss, go back and read my comment, only advice she find a common ground.

      See her saying I'm not her type, so make i fly enter bush nah😊.. I don't know what you think you are, to think everyone everywhere most be interested in you.. lol.. you better park well.. me weh dem dey rush like shawama lol.. na invisible drama Queen I go come dey find.. I pray


    16. Dante for a man you are so petty. Gosh!!! Writing lol up and down like a sissy. Now give it a rest. That lady gave you an uppercut bikonu now go and nurse your wounds.

    17. Lol@Anon 8:45

      You must really be smart to see lol as a sissy word.. I'm so petty that I think I should sissyly write my next lol in capital letters.. LOL 😊😊

      When they want to start with their manipulation, you start hearing words like "for a man. A real man"etc.. all of you should better park well, before I take it upon myself to be schooling you guys here😊..

      Have a productive day✌. Bless


  4. confusion everywhere. Sister, you are young there's nothing stopping you from hanging out with more than one man at a time. Men do this all the time. You can go out with your younger boo while still hanging out with other men. Keep your options open. Like someone commented earlier, download anybooks app and read the power of the pussy. That book can help you.

    1. Shurrup. Now return to the coven you were sent from. If some men do something wrong(according to you), so she too should join the band wagon of doing wrong things bah? That's how they go about giving bad advice. I pity your friend's boyfriend and husband

    2. When there is no sex,a woman should be able to go out with multiple men. It’s called courting. Ideally a woman should have multiple suitors who she goes out on dates with until she chooses the one she will like to marry. The introduction of sex in a relationship changed all of this.

  5. “As a Nigerian, that’s like already a taboo”
    It’s your mentality poster πŸ™„
    You feel like you can’t be with him cos he earns less and is not done with school yet.
    Let him go.
    If he’s yours, he’ll find you again.

    1. Except he facially looks like a teenager.
      Does she want to start walking around telling people how old her man is?

      Poster, finding someone who truly loves all of you is hard, don't gamble.

  6. Ladies please let us define something here:
    1. Meeting someone -this can happen at random, anywhere and does not mean anything.
    2. Dating/(mutual) friendship -to those in the world (sex is involved), but to those who fear God, it is a time of MUTUAL FRIENDSHIP. Both partners are also open to befriend others. Character learning is subtly going on here.
    3. Proposal: The MAN HAS ASKED THE LADY TO MARRY HIM IN UNMISTAKABLE TERMS. That he is talking about "our kids, our accounts, our home etc." does not mean a thing.
    5. Marriage: Bride price is paid to the lady's dad. At this point, legitimacy can start 😊😊😊

    Pleas ladies kwanyere nu onwe unu ugwu -respect yourselves and carry yourselves with dignity.

    To Dear Poster: You actually studied medicine (books) but pitiably, you are deficient in simple matter of decorum.
    Has this man asked you to marry him? If the answer is NO, you are on your own. Na only you waka come.
    Better stop that charade and seek in patience, the one the Lord Jesus (though you mentioned "church" but not him) has for you.

    I don yarn finish o.

    1. 5.MARRIAGE: bride price is paid to the girl's Dad and then legitimacy can start.

      There's a debate as to when legitimacy should start. Some say after the bride price is paid some insist it's after the wedding

    2. Correct yarns ANG πŸ‘πŸ½

    3. @DeHeroine
      Which one be "after the wedding again?"
      Think Scriptures and common sense.
      Let's start with "common sense"; You introduce your fiance to your dad and next thing, you go to a church or court and "wed"
      and then, you appear to your dad with big belle. The man will praise you?
      Okay, your finace carries his dad and people to your father's house and pays bride price and a ceremony is done and then,
      you appear to your dad with big belle, won't the man celebrate? That is common sense... see 1 Cor. 9:8

      Scriptures: When was the church called "the bride of Christ"?
      Acts 20:28 Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood.

      Answer as in every scriptures: After he paid the costliest bride price; with his own blood.
      Please you see DeHeroine Dear, I no dey involve myself with that kind of "debates". I depend on the Scriptures; the manual
      of life to live my life not to please anyone but God alone.
      Search the scriptures and you will not see in the OT, where wedding took place in a synagogue or NT where it took
      place in a "church". Jesus or his apostles did not wed anybody. I do not have anything against people who find it
      convenient to celebrate weddings in churches. But nne, know when you are married inugo?
      I have see married couples turn to murderers of kids all because they "have not worn white and gone to church".
      And after the abortions, they go to church to chant empty murderous songs to "which God?" 😯😯😯😯

    4. Thank you, the moment the parents of the bride gives consent the lady is married especially if the man doesn't have money to pay for the bride price.
      In the situation that the man pays the bride price the have become a couple.

      Wedding is formed by churches

      The most Complex

    5. @Most Complex 00:05
      That BRIDE PRICE MUST BE PAID -very important. It is scriptural, it is the token that make that lady
      the man's wife. IF NOT NO LEGITIMACY.
      Marriage is a mystery that talks about Christ and the Church Ephesians 5:22-32
      Before we could be "the Bride of Christ", he paid for us with his blood on the cross.
      The Bride price must cost the bridegroom something.
      Do you understand this?

    6. Ok.

      The most Complex

  7. The whole situation has you feeling confused, because I do not even know if its a proper relationship. You seem to be a spectator. You have to treat this head on so you do not go wasting precious time. Age seem to matter to you, and he seems like he is still finding his feet. If the gap is huge you need to decide if you can go forward or else plz stop waiting time. Time is so so precious.

  8. Madam wake up from ur sleep that guy has seen yanki package, keep searching and let God guide u once u start having mix feelings then it is not 4 u

  9. Since you are not staying permanently in Nigeria, is it wise to start a relationship and then leave again after youth service?

  10. Stella koko just said her own fiam..intimacy ni

  11. what is this pressure you women put yourself under? take each day as it comes..he is clearly not ready to settle so just be friends and see how that goes....i got married at 34 and hubby was 31...we have been married 14 years this year and have 2 kids......for this naija oh..only my parents who saw the marriage certificate know his age and a few friends. do i need to announce it? if they know nko? is it anybody's business? shebi u will still go back abroad? just live your life and enjoy life, a man will come in Gods time abeg. stop giving your self headache analyzing and thinking for nothing..u are no having sex so no strings, enjoy the moment and be friends with him...some men are more mature than others, he can get a good job after service and decide marriage who knows but pls no need to pressure him or yourself..

  12. Me I don't even know wht to say wt this ur mindset... Renew ur mind first, nt just on age

  13. We women are so emotional. girl, you don't have any problem...continue seeing youngie but go out with other people. Relax and have fun while you are still alive and young. You are beautiful. Go out and make friends... you lived abroad and I expect you to know all these. Before we meet that special man we must meet some not so good men

  14. Hmmmm i don't have anything to say.
    Lets wait for RonaldaπŸ’…

  15. babe, shine your eye jare. Tired of chronicles of babes being taken advantage of.

  16. i understand your fears. Whatever happens maintain your celibacy. The age thing can be confusing but keep an open mind for now. Don't get too attached to him likewise don't call it off outrightly while you keep hoping, believing and observing

  17. No 1 anonymous aka anonymous 15 August 2019 at 16:18

    Just try and go out more , obey the Lord (do not fornicate) your man will come. Its hard to close up, but its obedience to Gods word.

  18. Age is generally not much of an issue, but your case is quite different. You are 26 and already anticipating marriage, he is 23 and still looking to complete his degree programme. Let me lay it out for you clearly, just in case you haven't looked at it carefully.

    1. Nigerian men hardly get married early, I don't know why for sure, but I do know that the economic situation in the country isn't helping matters. When he is done with school, he will wait to be mobilised for service; If he schooled in a public university, that may mean waiting for about a year. During service, he will earn 19,800 and would occasionally need you to help out financially.
    After service, if he is lucky, he will get an average job, not a high paying one, at least initially . If he is really lucky, he will earn about #100,000 which can barely meet anyone's needs. He will survive on this money and at that time, he will probably be about 25/26 years old. At that age, he will definitely not be thinking marriage, he will be thinking SURVIVAL. at this time, you will probably be around 29/30, waiting for a 25/26 year old who is still waiting for a breakthrough to marry you.

    Start untangling yourself emotionally from him. I'm sure he likes you and likes the idea that a beautiful medical doctor is smitten with him. But there appears to be no future in this. Look around our forsaken country and ask yourself how many 30 year old men are married? Harsh economic realities make it tough.

  19. Oh Dear,
    You're so disconnected.
    It is better to stay single than marry for all the wrong reasons
    You don't need the validation of BVs to know whats best for you.
    I believe you know what you want.... Dam age,Nigerian mentality and all...
    That you both say "I LOVE YOU",he talks abt family and all doesn't not make the GUY the best or worse of his kind{many vulnerable ladies have fallen upon hearing this lines}
    Please don't lead this Guy on. Don't break his fragile heart,bcos you know don't love him. Even though your heart desperately want to keep him,your head[intuition] is still keeping you on track. He's not your kind of man.
    What you're feeling for him aint love but pity.
    Trust me,Dude is more concerned than you are.He has weighed it all that's why he is telling you what you want to hear bcos he's gaining Financially from you.
    Set and face your priority straight for now so that when the right man comes,you'd be the right lady,ready and better equipped to take on.
    And please take time out of a busy schedule.Do not go out with the mindset of meeting someone.Spend time with yourself and be happy.
    Be Prayerful.

  20. Darling, before I got married, I had a list of the qualities I want in a prospective husband. I grew up watching my dad adore my mum so, instinctively, I knew I wanted a man like my dad. Of course, I was raised to see myself as a Queen and never settle for less. I always had a mental picture of what I wanted so I was never confused in spite of the numerous suitors I had. If you don't know what you want, you wouldn't know even if he walks up to you.

    Banish the fear of not getting a man in future. Settling for anyone because you fear the unknown, is a grave mistake. If you haven't found the man you want, keep it moving. Honey, I don't know about you but I can't marry a man I can't respect. Some blog visitors call me all sorts of names because of how I believe a woman should treat and respect her husband. I do so because my husband treats me like a Queen and in turn, I treat him like my King. If you marry a joker or a man you feel is less deserving of you, you will be a very miserable wife and you will keep disrespecting him and join the "marriage is overrated" or "marriage is a scam" squad. If you marry right, you will see that marriage is actually a blessing.

    It appears age isn't the only issue with this young man, you still support him financially. Again, this is just me, as a rule of thumb, I never give cash to a man I date. If you want my financial assistance, the relationship must be platonic. This principle saved me from a lot of unnecessary complications. If you decide to help your guy out financially, that should be purely your decision as long as you don't expect loyalty from him.

    This relationship you're in seems like one of those relationships you "manage" for fear of being alone. Sweetie, never manage a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, you still have the choice of moving on. There's nothing wrong in not being in a relationship at every given time, it even healthy to be alone sometimes. Some people manage marriage because it isn't that easy to just leave. You need a man you can respect, in spite of your qualifications. Unless age is a deal breaker for you, I think you should be more concerned about the qualities a man possesses than his age. There are 25 year old men who are mature with a well evolved mind, while some 50 year old men still behave like pubescent teenagers. Please don't rush into marriage until you find the right man for you.
    e-hugs and kisses.

    1. Ronalda has spoken.

    2. Chai!!! The only thing I learned, never give a man you dating money.

    3. @Anon Chielo but you do give them money even my friend ANG does too. Thank you @Ronalda.

      The most Complex

    4. thank you Ronalda not giving a guy money too was my principle back then but i was seen as too rigid and wicked...but guess what now my hubby takes care of most needs in the house so my salary is just to help. when you give a guy money anyhow you wont know how responsible he is in taking care of his woman..meanwhile my friends who were "good loving girls" and ready to drop money are still dropping money and bread winners in the marriage. one is always borrowing money cos oga lost his job 15 years ago but always at home now pressing phone and madam goes aborrowing to take care of 4 girls...alot of men are not responsible these days like our fathers and have no shame..sorry to digress oh but women should stop spending money on a man, except if he truly is in between bad times and you know he works hard to earn his money...

  21. My Sister, if truly you want this guy, all you need is discussing these issues bothering you:

    When do you want to settle down?

    Is age a problem to the guy?

    What is his future plan and vision?

    Concerning being a virgin, that is a plus for you, many want to marry virgins but you hardly see any, so we accept what we see.

    What you need is to increase your social life and enlarge you friends circle, move closer with decent men and women. Professional cycle, church, singles, career people, etc. Be nice to whoever you meet, be principled but not hard to get. Have value for yourself and know what you want.

    I was looking for a lady like you before I settled with the one available.

    1. As par virginity don’t tell the guys you meet that you’re a virgin or celibate
      Just say you’re observing and not ready for sex. When you know them more, you can talk about it. Some men that are not worth tor time or not really interested will stick around once they hear virgin cause they hope to be the one to chop first and then run
      Some... not all

    2. This virginity of a thing. How can you say you love me and you get angry because I refused having sex with you?

    3. Anon 20:55 exactly my plight. You love me but you can't love me without sex. Is that love?

    4. Because the man you are talking about lack the love of Christ. Real love isn't selfish. At that point when he is vexing it is his selfish desire a.k.a lust that is at work. Date someone on the same late with you. It's much more easier ke

  22. I'm gonna be 38 and I only recently gave up on this 'timed marriage' thingy. I believe everybody's time will come jare. My dear, I'm now team 'what will be, will be'. Some married people currently wish they are single, many 'have' divorced, many dead, many TTCing.

    Life is not about a marriage alone. Living life is holistic. Live your life first and every other thing will fall in place. Good and bad girls get married everyday. So it's not about virginity. Have you never wondered how come divorced women have a higher chance of getting remarried than single women get a chance at all?

    Being 'marriageable' is one thing, being a virgin is another. Women who have mastered the art of being open, being vulnerable, making mistakes and willingness to take risks, have a higher advantage at getting married. Whereas the 'holier than thou', uptight and 'spirikoko' (overtly moral) ones like us, dey as we dey!

    Take your mind of this marriage thing first. Live your life! Enjoy it! If you love him, enjoy it while it lasts, stop thinking about marriage. If someone more eligible comes along, break up with him and move on. Simple! You don't owe anybody any shit. Your happiness comes first. When you're tired and want to break up with him for instance, remove the indulgences like the money you're giving him. He'll waka jeje by himself.

    Just don't be a wayward woman. Know what you stand for. As for marriage, just relax, your time will come. And if it doesn't, will you be the first?! Or the last?!!! Take every day one at a time.

    I think you need to stop being a virgin though. It's old fashioned for your age. What you need is the wisdom to know who, when and when not to open your legs. That's maturity.

  23. I think you love him
    I can assure you society doesn’t care as much as you think. Invite your mama for a talk and her reaction may let you know there’s nothing to worry about. You’ve kept this to yourself for too long. Time to open up and stop torturing yourself.

    Still keep your options open because my only real concern is dude depends on you for me
    Many men hAve acted in love when they didn’t have money and changed tune after

  24. People lose their virginity in different ways. Some, through curiosity, some, through rape and some through self exploration. Once a person has tasted the sweetness of that release, it is hard to just stop. Many men who agree to the no intimacy rule before marriage either cheat or they will be wanking. If you have been exposed to it from age 15, just know that by age 25, he has done all the styles. If you tell a man to wait, he will want to hasten and marry you, which is what a lot of Nigerian women want. This is the godly thing to do of course but it could deprive you of quality time to really observe each other. Also, many women who marry as virgins go in there with a lot of expectations. They already have a set pattern in which things should flow and that is one reason why some men avoid virgins. And it doesn't make them bad men.

    Now Poster, that boy has sweet mouth and is enamored with the glamour of your foreign degree and medical background. Continue this relationship at your own risk. Way back, I had this Facebook friend who was asking me out. One time, I looked through his friends list and I saw that he was just adding fine fine girls who were either living abroad, medical doctors or oil company workers. Ratio of male to female friends was 10:90. His favourite pastime was posting "woke" stuff, funny memes and pop culture stuff. This is one of the things that can make you think that you "connect" with him. He had a legit job but it was still odd to me. Afterwards, I noticed that he jumped to my sister who falls into 2 of those categories I mentioned. He didn't know that we were sisters.
    Have you made sufficient investigation into his family background? Does he have any dependants? What is the earning power of his academic background? How does he act when he is broke? How is his spending habit? Is he using the latest iPhone with his 50k salary? Does he have any business plans? Is he following through or he is just day dreaming?

    1. Ajebo hmmm.Always look forward to your comment. You are indeed wise. You are right, celibate men always get married to the woman fast. Didn't we see Russell and Ciara, Meagan good and devon? Within one year they settled down.but when you keep sleeping with them. The ring takes forever to appear.

    2. Thank you for your kind words anon but let me point these out please: Bam Bam and Teddy A, Chris Hemsworth and his wife, the couple from the show Empire. Amal and George Clooney. All engaged and married within a short time and they never mentioned that they waited.
      It doesn't make sense for a man to want to marry you just because he wants to start being intimate with you. For a really good man to wait for you, he has seen other great things in you apart from his desire to be intimate with you. Russell and Devon did not rush the wedding because Ciara and Megan denied them intimacy. They saw other things that they felt they could lose out in life if they let them go.

  25. You are so confused. Just concentrate on your housemanship and leave men alone for now. You seem socially awkward and egotistic at the same time. Free the 23yr old so he can find a complete woman who has the maturity for a relationship. All this back and forth with you and deep down you don't even know what you truly want. You want to be wanted and have that feeling of being chosen by somebody, but nobody is lining up in droves to choose you in Nigeria because the men can sense that something is 'off' with you. The only reason the 23yr old has chosen you is either is is truly in love with you, or his innocence did not pick up on your fickle energy.

    My comment may seem harsh, but you need to sit down and really figure out what you want from a man and what you have to offer a man other than a degree and the prospect of being financially well off in the future, these things alone will not keep a man spiritually and emotionally bonded to you in the long term. I wish you well.

    1. This is not true
      The men can’t sense Anything bad in her she just needs to get out more
      There’s nothing wrong with her talking to this guy and wondering if he’s right for her
      Don’t break up with him for now

    2. your comment is harsh and totally stupid...she just has a lot going through her head so what is off about her character? typical naija attitude of if you question stuff that means you are proud...rubbish..poster abeg just relax and enjoy the are team no sex so nothing to loose

  26. Please don't rush anything. Nigeria does not have to be your last bus stop, you mentioned that you will be going back. There's this Igbo lady with a YouTube channel who met her husband on Christian mingle and he is even white. You need to be flexible. There are many conservative Latin American, Philippino, etc men there.
    I sincerely apologise for being alarmist and deviating from the age thing, I just do not have a good feeling about this. Age is just a number but you mentioned that you give him money. You didn't mention the specifics of how you connect with this guy and I have a feeling that the connection is superficial. You didn't even say much about his family background.

    Please try and go out alone to a nice restaurant or the movies. You can get a table and just sit alone and be forming activity on your laptop with a cup of coffee. Find a tush NGO and volunteer. Like animal rescue or something. You will now be introducing yourself to other pet owners as a volunteer who is also a doctor. Attend a Ted Talk. Go for a Seminar in a Business School. Register in an upscale gym and volunteer to be "fitness doctor on duty" once a week/month. You will help to check blood sugar, blood pressure, etc of the members. Introduce yourself to the pastor's wife and in a straight forward way, let her know that you are single and searching. It doesn't have to be a church member. If anyone is playing match maker for you, open your eyes and always carry your sense everywhere you go.

  27. Kindly forget about u. He earns way less than u. He’s way younger. Trust me lady his goals are not ur goals. He will marry u but u will be miserable

    1. True. He still has a long way to go and she on the other hand is already marriage minded. Women even mature faster than men mentally. They can be friends while she broaden her tentacles.

  28. Poster what will you be doing with your younger brother's mate in three years without giving him the cookies?

    I will advise you cover your legs and pretend to be marmaid. He is only loyal cos he has not tasted your cookies and you are also assisting him with cash. We have lazy guys everywhere looking for ladies without brains to chop to deal with. You better receive sense, give your cookies to someone who will value you and not some small boys.

    You fall for him cos he is the only one interested in you at the moment, take your time, do not rush, love will find you.

  29. Hello poster I am 32 and still a virgin, I do have a pleasant personality. I am naturally a happy person so I pretty much don't let singleness weigh me down. I know life can be quite confusing the way you see things happen for others and not you. However, I have that self respect and feeling of cleanliness, I think that's a good thing, and I believe that one day I'll definitely meet the right person for me who will accept me for who I am. So please keep yourself from every filth. Do not follow the crowd. Not following the crowd is so cool in itself.

  30. People that use condoms too feel clean

  31. You're only 26 how can desperation be clouding your decision making process like this?
    Young lady focus on your career, stop funding men, increase your social circles, maintain your standards and love will find you.

    At your age, husband really shouldn't be hungrying you like this to the point you're acting like a borderline desperado

  32. You are too young to be bothering yourself about marriage. Free yourself and enjoy single season, the right man will definitely come. I met the right guy at the age of 28 and got married at 29.
    So stay cool and happy.

  33. Doc, stay away from this guy you're in a situationship with. Your proffession makes it a bit difficult to meet guys, you're busy. If you don't mind give matchmaking a chance. When you meet a guy don't lead with I'm a virgin talk, make him sweat for it then tell him you want to wait. Please now isn't that time for long term relationship,lastly at 26 the pool of men around you dries up...there are hotter and sexier 22yr olds churning out daily. Sift carefully through the guys and stay away from 23 yr olds


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