Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Amebo Column -Memo To Awa Dorty Gehs And Onku's

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Monday, September 23, 2019

Amebo Column -Memo To Awa Dorty Gehs And Onku's

Kai, some people can be filthy oo! How in God's name would you share a bathroom with someone and you can not flush after yourself! 








Shush! It does not matter if it's just pee! For the love of God, If it wasn't such a big deal, why not make tea with it then! Buy bread and fry eggs on top!
Ehn, Aunty you wee na be collecting pant from 3months ago and be putting under bed or under box! You would rather buy new ones than wash the used ones!Then you begin reusing the used ones.! You get serious problem nor be pikin play!


To eat and wash plate is war! Your flatmate will cook, you will stretch neck and eat! Well done! Minister of water works! Since your excuse is conservation of water!


How can you be on your period and we all need to know about your business?! Aunty- it is not like my blood has HIV! We hia you loud and clear! If it was for general viewing, the punani would have been on all women's foreheads!


Why would you, a regular 'raw gbensher' return from your escapades without bathing, then you remove your undies and sit on the bed you 'share' without wearing anything and you put 'pillow' between your legs and be pressing phone!
The same pillow the 'glorious' daughter of another woman will put her HEAD and 'sleep' at night?! Ehn, some body's destiny! A whole daughter of Zion's head on a head collecting kumkum!


Whoever started this 'bathing too much washes off the skin's nutrients' should please stopeeet!
Hian! If you see some skin around the 'ferifera', mah jor close mouth nor talk anything!


Ajor pity some men wey dey knack inside dark! Make una 'Horn' light see road to congoslavia before you do mouth like person wey wan convulse! If she say 'I'm shy please turn off the light! No mind dem o! Carry torchlight inspect weh weh! (*sideeyes*)


So you sef wan on torsh! (*hands akimbo*) Ehn-hen Papa Emeka?! When AIDS nor dey show for face! You leave Banga soup for house begin check if okpa get crayfish inside! When last you on torsh hep Junior finish homework? Dey pursue wetin no pursue you! Na so dem go carry wetin no get name go give wife for house!


Why will you carry weave on for months soteh no need for insecticide for house! Whatever happened to removing that mop and taking proper care of your scalp! Is it until the entire hair has fallen off before you are 50?! cos i don't understand!
You comot wig, person pikin begin cry! When you resemble him grand mama wey him see dey waka go judgement arena for the other side! ( dey side wey dem Mikeh Jaxon dey)



AWA UNKUZ DEM DEM!!


Now to the men, awa uncle plix, that boxers did not offend you in anyway! Gaan worshit! Bia, all the air under your arm can make 10 packets of blonde crotchet! We know you like to give back to the society! We understand!


There is a reason God created rivers in the villages! Before oyinbo man made it easier, please gan baff! Men perspire more than women naturally! Even if you sit in AC all day, there's something called hygiene! Hep us na before the day sun knack you and your real atmosphere begin circulate! Coat is a metallic shield for ooze, while suit is a fashion statement.choose wisely.


Please ooo! If una must 'enter' suit do horse-tool under sun, please ehn use some deodorant! Nobody takes a person who smells funny seriously especially in business! It can be very distracting.


If yours is a natural strong smell without any hygiene clause, i believe you can invest in the right perfume.


An office nerd took offence when he found a deodorant in his office drawer! He wrote to the HRM that he felt insulted! Someone who walks past and nobody needs to ask 'who was that'. His hoodie 'stunk' and his sneakers look unwashed for centuries! Being a nerd doesn't make you filthy! It wasn't like he was the smartest nerd in the firm! He was just damn too lazy to wash his boxers!


Awa uncles that dine with roaches waiting for gehfrend of the week to comman wash plate and clean house! Clap for yourself! Atink you know say woman wey no tie wrapper curse dey dey very sensational! You think is only payint dey cough benz?! You lieee! Your boxers go coff plane!
The aunties wey no fit clean their own house go dey do slave trade for man house! Kontinue o! Minister for Embodiment and Sanitation!
Men, stop faking good hygiene with the fit wears and beards! Some of una mouth dey ooze pass latrine! When na alcohol you dey use brush in the morning! Your halitosis is concealed with the alcohol. Please! Stop chewing gum like prostitutes! Hamiinn! What are you selling biko that you need to advertise?


Finally, to the ones who do everything hygienically right and the space owner is just a difficult pain in the neck, Receive grace to own your space and keep it clean!

I will drink water but i will not mind my Business!

Na me Amebo!

79 comments:

  1. My mother taught us that girls must bathe at least twice daily -morning and nights.
    Some ladies pitiably do not bathe, even during their menses.
    How do you do it, can they explain please?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Grown girls for that matter. That’s why a lot of them have funny body odor.
      Some have different flavors of body odor...Yuck 🤮🤮

      Delete
    2. I always beg God that the tiredness that will not let me take a shower after a hard day's work should never befall me. Sometimes, the way I scrub my skin at night ehn.. I don't joke with my personal hygiene at all.

      Delete
    3. I have a feeling that amebo is either from Ondo or ekiti state.

      Delete
    4. My ex needs to read this, he thinks fine boy is just by wearing designer brands and expensive perfumes. He will spray poop all over the toilet and not clean it, he won’t wash his hands after taking a dump. He showers without any soap and sponge he will just pour water on his body and rub it around. Brush and spray toothpaste all over the mirror and leave it there. I summoned courage to tell him about his nasty behavior, the rest was history. I cannot stand dirty dudes.

      Delete
    5. Please add this to the list. Girls wash your towel weekly at least, wash your pants at once, who soak pants, wash your pot/plates/cutlery again when you bring it out of the cupboard to use, you don't know what crawls in there, especially with MPF wood.pls wash your dusty fan monthly abeg, clean out kitchen cabinets every 3weeks, wash your hands after touching a mobile phone if you must put that food in your mouth, yuk. Wash your sink first thing every morning before you start cooking anything. If you don't use bacteria spray, at least wash your fridge handle and other appliances not forgetting work top too. All these won't take more than 7minutes before you start cooking. For those that give blow job, hmmmm don't wanna puke right now,lol. Just follow the advice on the post and make sure your hubby does same. I have seen many women that don't use tissue to wipe after wee. Every lady should have pocket tissue, hand cream and sanitiser in your bag, it's better than make up bag.people with long nails, I bet you need microscope to see the pop in there. If you wash your toilet, invest in clinical gloves, it's just 1500 and it can last you 4/5months. I no go stop if I continue.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. I stopped reading after the first 5 lines. Such a boring long ass read..

      We all know our hygeine should be paramount damnit!

      Delete
    2. Shooter 😂😂😂😂😂

      Delete
  3. Some girls will pass by and you will think they are making snuff around you or that someone farted.
    ladies please wash your undies daily.
    Water scarce, water scarce, have you ever stayed one day without recharging your phones to browse social media?

    ReplyDelete
  4. My flatmate needs to read this, I pity most future wife, very dirty person

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you both live in the same flat?
      What's that proverbs again, goats of the same feathers?

      Delete
    2. Na for God hand some of us men dey Lol.

      Delete
    3. As in ehhhhn! Mine freaking needs to read it too... Like seriously she tops this list of people... I've never stayed with a person so dirty... Passing out soon tho... NYSC is filled with hood and bad experiences

      Delete
    4. Hahahahahahahahaha......@maryama, sorry about that.

      Delete
    5. Anon 13:21, they bleat together 😂😂

      Delete
    6. @Yori
      He goats of the same smell, smell together.

      Delete
    7. Goats of what? 😂😂😂

      Delete
  5. Oh well..if not for occasional body/mouth odor, people easily mask their 'dorty'.

    It's their kitchen and bathrooms that i judge and if they are unsanitary, i lose all respect. Even if I don't say anything, my facial expression would say it all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nothing irritates me like people smelling as a result of not taking proper care of their clothes, undies or even body. I hate those stench from women whose hair do are beginning to stink as a result of how long it has stayed. If you must wear jeans, then sun it after wearing it if you are lazy to wash. I don't wear a cloth twice, not even boxers. I have over twelve boxers that I wash one everyday after bath and put on a new one.
    We advocate people to do well so they don't inconvenience others in public. Some ladies are so lazy and dirty that the smell if they open their legs you will throw up. Too bad and disgusting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Teejay
      do you take proper care of your hygiene?
      Everybody is pointing fingers today?

      Delete
    2. When you enter some people’s kitchen, that’s where you’d see the real dirt. If your kitchen is messed up, then you are a dirty person.
      You should see some people’s white towels, turned brown 😱😱

      Delete
    3. Anon 13:41, do you take care of your mouth? It stinks 😷

      Delete
    4. Anon 13:41 thanks your stars @SluttyChic have responded to you, else you wouldn't have recover from the grenade I was about to shoot you. Tomorrow is another day.

      Delete
  7. Thank God for my life. Not sitting on any of these tables, never will. I must be the cleanest guy ever sef 😂

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Clean your heart and mind of bigotry

      Delete
  8. Chai

    But will they drop shoulder pad, learn and adjust?

    They package dirty,arrogance, ignorance and hate correction with passionate violence

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 😁😁. Jet li, I got the shade.

      Delete
    2. Lmao @ passionate violence. Make una leave Tachasteristics alone oh. He fans love her stank body and attitude laidat. 😁

      Delete
    3. Her song is trending
      Tacha featuring OMA
      CHIWAWA

      Delete
  9. People DAT don't flush after offloading waste from their intestines aint used to modern facilities 😁

    Again rinse yourself after sex, endeavour to pee n wash up, plus freshen up before n after...n tell ya man to wash his fingers before inserting it inside u if u are fan of fingering n when he's using d toilet, his penis shouldn't rub d WC before he will jack all d germs n insert inside u without condom.

    Shuuu.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I receive grace to own my own space Amen. I live with a relative here in the UK and this man will shit and scatter it everywhere. Even when his wife asks him to go and clean up he declines saying she should clean it herself. As the wife too no send, she will leave it there. Mind you we have just one toilet and guess who has to clean it-me. The day I don’t feel like cleaning shit I have to carry my poo to the office. Even the bath tub, soap and pubic hair will be all over the place when he showers. Same with plates, this man can never eat and wash his plate even spoon. He will just dump everything including the left over food and bones in the sink. PS. I’m paying rent o cos nothing is free in this abroad. I’m planning a 10days vacation, by the time I come back the dirty plates and shit would have reached the doorsteps...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear if you have money, please rent another place because one day you too will join them in doing that because you will see it as a way of life

      Delete
    2. Such a dirty man. I pity his poor wife.

      Delete
    3. God forbid evil. Can’t you find another place? I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than marry or stay married to that animal because only an animal would behave like that. Kai kai kai. Even the littlest piece of shit someone misses after flushing irritates the crap out of me I don’t care if it’s a baby’s not to talk a grown man. You should see my face while typing this.

      Delete
    4. Please rent another place since you’re not staying there for free.

      Delete
  11. Okay, nice one but was a bit difficult to read because of the "pigin" I had to read it over again to grab the message "aunty, you wee na be collecting". what's that? I dey speak "pigin" very well but this one get as e be.

    Interesting but hard to read.

    Next time, write in good English or normal "pigin" English.

    You try.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you interesting but difficult to read because if the diction.

      Delete
  12. Used to have a cOursemate,d the hair she uses to resume she will use till end of semester,till one day,she wanted to contest for class rep with a guy and quarrel burst out.the guy and his friends told her,u wey dey carry hair for one full year,ur hair go dey smell for class anyhow na wan go see lecturer.she cried but stopped one hair for one semester stuff.
    A very very neat girl though cos we were in same emotan hostel


    Another one how can people bath once a day???
    How comfortable are you?,some will even wait till evening to. Bath.
    Teach ur kids,bathing and brushing before breakfast.make it a routine.
    some people's dirtiness is something else,.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow...emotanite 🙌🏿🙌🏿

      Delete
    2. so na AAUE you go?...no wonder

      Delete
    3. Slutty yes ooooo.
      Anon, which one u go?

      Delete
  13. Thank God for hubby and I. We are on the same page in the hygene department. We both bath twice daily and always smell nice. We both wash off after sex and keep the house clean. I think dirty people are a function of how they were raised. Am battling with my cousin who came to live with me from the village, if you see her pant? 14 this year but very dirty. I have to get her to soak her pants last week when I thought it was a rag hanging in the bathroom. Pant I bought 3 months ago naim she no fit wash well, meanwhile she just started period like 2 months now. She can wear a nighty for one week if I dont tell her to change it. In short eeh I tire for her matter. Now I gorce her to bath at night like say na assignment. I pray she changes before leaving my house

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I commend you for paying close attention to her but 3 months old panties are ready to be discarded, don't you think?

      Delete
    2. SDK advisers. Don't you have panties that are more than 3 months, Perxian? I laugh in Esan

      Delete
    3. Madam perxian are you even serious 3months old panties ready to be discarded? You are a joker! If it’s toothbrush yes that’s a necessity but panties? You must wear cheap panties. SMH

      Delete
    4. Throw away my VS panties after 3 months because of “hygiene”? Haq Haq Haq! I’ve owned some of them for years and they ain’t going anywhere.
      Perxian please swear that there are no panties older than 3 months in your underwear drawer or just keep quiet.
      You BeeVees will not kill me sha😂😂😂

      Delete
    5. This Perxian is super annoying! Buy Victoria secrets or lasenza and discard in 3months ! Jeez. When you can wear pants for a year and it still looks new.

      Delete
    6. The girl clearly has questionable hygiene and I doubt she has that many panties or even interchange them. But of course, you will try to justify your sloppiness because Perxian said something. Nonsense and dorty!

      Delete
    7. You all don't mind perxian o. Always forming posh, when she's actually nothing.
      Parading herself like she's one big thing. Talks down on people's comments. What's wrong in wearing pant for 3 months?
      You have extreme low self esteem. I see how you go about correcting people's English when you clearly know nothing. How come you didn't know it was cattle? Madam cattles. Ikwakwakwakwakwakwa.

      Delete
    8. I disagree with you on this Perxian bcx i as am typing all my pants are over 3 months but guess what they all look very neat as if i just bought it new. Meanwhile i have seperate panties for my period. I dont use my normal panties for my menses. Even after 1 year its still very neat, most especially when one have it in a reasonable number and quality.

      Delete
    9. Perxian shut up and admit you goofed! Where was it written she has few panties? Sabi sabi will just kii you there! You this fake blog celebrity.

      Delete
  14. Thank God for the kind of man I married. We are both neat so no problem in that department. I have 2 girls and I teach them hygiene. I wash them well back and front when they bath morning and evening, they dont repeat clothes, brush twice daily and always wash your tongue etc. Now any small stain on their clothes its mummy I think I need to change my dress...lol...another thing that annoys me is when I see some little girls with very rough hair..haba mothers if the hair is rough and cant be made just comb into sections and use ribbons. Pickin go carry hair for head like baby ojuju. Very irritating. When they grow up how will they not have smelly birdnest on their heads in the name of weave-on

    ReplyDelete
  15. Everybody is now neat 😂😂😂

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha 😂😂😂.

      Delete
    2. Exactly, clean people full everywhere!

      One of my fake friends who gossips about people being dirty and being bad moms, well my children have been sick snd caught infections from her house three times! One of my kids almost entered intensive care. Thank God for my daughters life.

      Come and see her toilet! Kitchen sink as well ewoo!!!! And she can abuse the whole world behind their back, me included. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

      Discovered she be frenemy so it’s easier to give excuses and keep my kids away from her house.

      Delete
    3. Lol anon you know this
      We would soon be beguiled by their hygiene routine and how they bathe 6 times a day, change outfits thrice, and how they cannot digest food properly if they don’t take their bath in the night 👀.😂😂😂
      Na joke I dey oh😁

      Delete
    4. Snarker you gorrit.

      Delete
  16. Even the one wey no dey baff daily will come here to complain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha you know our people na. Na form everyone dey form o

      Delete
    2. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

      Delete
  17. I’m just glad you included men in your rant because they are the worst. Of all the dirty and stank people I’ve come across, most of them were male. 90% of people with body odour I’ve come across are male. I remember when I was still in the uni, as early as 8 am during class rush some guys will breeze by you and the stench would almost knock you the F out. I remember when we had an evening program for the graduating class, my friend fell sick because she sat amongst some stinky boys and their body odour gave her diarrhea- no jokes. She couldn’t eat well for days. Girls tend to be more conscious of how they look and smell while boys think it’s okay for them to go around smelling like unwashed two-day old ass because they are well, men. Abeg smelling is very rude like Elo said and men should understand that it’s not more tolerable for them to stink because they are men.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are very correct,i have never experience body odour with women. Chai! most men are dirty especially when you often take public transport.

      Delete
    2. Our Nigerian men mostly have poor hygiene...Sept 1st this year I went on a date with one guy..This guy dressed shabbishly and had serious mouth odour plus one corner saliva for mouth..Jeez I was so irritated that I had to end the date, got home and told him no to call me again and to think he was talking about rubbish love...

      Delete
  18. I can't even sleep without taking my bathe. If you see some ladies pubic...egwu dikwa☹️ armpit nko...
    Please don't repeat clothes, pants, bras in this tropical... It's not healthy and it makes one to smell. Haba!!
    Parents, please pay attention to your children. Their personal hygiene is very very important.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dem don come
      “I don’t sleep without taking my bath” 😂😂😂
      We need proof my sister or else na Pharisee yarns
      And Wetin concern you with other ladies’ pubic hair? Na your own? Why you dey look am?

      Delete
    2. Hahahaha help me ask her. Go dey look pubic hairs of ladies. I dey suspect you o

      Delete
    3. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

      Delete
  19. If u poo and flush but the toilet water is still colored, abeg flush again cos the next person that use the toilet might catch toilet infection... Thats y i always flush before i use the toilet

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Clap for yourself 😂😂😂 you’re a very neat girl 😂😂😂

      Delete
  20. Ewwwww


    I couldn't finish this article

    My very vivid imagination.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I was on the dance floor with a posh babe ,after few minutes, her wig started smelling like a cow. I understand it’s because of the sweat and different stuffs ladies do apply in their hair/wig to look good..but menh, I gats switch to another babe sharply. D kain bad eye she give me henn, who cares.. I no wan die of suffocation.

    ReplyDelete
  22. My coursemate is comfortably on this table... dude comes to class looking all shades of dirty. Hair isn't combed, shoes are dirty, legs looking like he just came from the farm, and if he's wearing a white shirt you'd see all those lines that on the clothes that indicates that the cloth may have been washed but not rinsed,just left in a bucket to dry overnight. He's constantly reeking of alcohol and weed, azin he's the definition of DIRTY! And he's here asking someone out smh. There are two of them sef and they're namesakes. Kai

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lolzzz you guys are freaking funny...

      Delete

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