Hmmmmmm.......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE CONSEQUENCES OF BREAKING FREE
I have thought of writing this for sometime but I kept putting it off. Today I decided to.
Years ago, after I came back to Nigeria after my study, I have always hoped to move back abroad but I have not had any anchor or direction. I had prayed about it and forgotten I prayed about it, but I just hoped everyday in silent that I would get a job offer or something to make me move. Last year I had a terrible health crisis and had to go to the US for surgery, because of the system of appointments I had to stay there for 5 months. During my free time I did a lot of research and immersed myself in their system to see how things work. I did a short course in Nursing, and I did so well the medical school gave me job offers and recommended me to go higher with the medical education, p.s I had no prior knowledge or educational background in medicine.
I came back to Nigeria after my last appointment and since then I have been thinking of moving. Now to tell you the truth it’s not as easy as people think to move to the US, you have to work very hard and the first few years may be challenging but after that with the right direction and Gods help, you will stabilise. Another thing, in the US they do not care about your certification, when you move, you have to go through their own educational system and get your own certification. I have a degree in Corporate communications from an Australian Uni and recently completing Law in Nigeria. No matter what position you occupied in your home country, keep it aside and start all over, except a company there offers to bring you straight to work for them (For instance I have always hoped for a great offer from Amazon in their creative or marketing dept).
I told my family about my hope to move and all hell broke out. Firstly, I am 30, and my folks do not want to hear anything BUT marriage. I am the first child out of the 5 girls and the pressure has been crazy. They said what should be on my mind is how to “fix” myself in a mans home and not looking for opportunities, that a woman without a man even if successful is not complete. LOL. They also said If I had taken the step years back, it would be easier for them to approve, but now that am 30?
To be honest, I want to find myself, am not mentally ready for marriage because I have not found the centrepiece of myself. Moving to The US is one of my topmost goal right now, but am soo scared because I have no support, am all alone in this risk. Yes I have a job here in Lagos, but with all my international certificates and degrees, my job pays less than 100k, oo Did I mention, I also have an MBA from Dubai, youngest and top of my class then. (Yes I am grateful I have a job, but it’s ok to want more for myself.)
To be clear moving to the US, does not mean everything automatically becomes perfect, but I need a different platform. I came back to Nigeria when I was 22 after my first degree and nothing by now to show for it lool. I am a thorough hard worker but I feel like I am exhausting so much energy and no vital result. When I move I will have to do nursing, since health care is popular demand, or IT and then explore other growth opportunities with time. Have a voice and create a new platform. I hate that.i can’t stand on my own here and have to depend on my parents. I make so little to build my dream and people here want to help you conditionally, especially the men.
My sisters think am stupid, that I am so brilliant and I want to go and start low jobs in the US. Yes, here at my job I head a department, but it’s all titles and little or no reinforcements. In the US hard work is rewarded, truly it is not easy, the system is so structured that you must be in line, pay your bills and work for your money. But platform of growth is completely different.
I am seeking your advice, or people who have taken this kind of step. I know everyone’s destiny is different and even if it didn’t work for most it will work for me, but please give me some advice. No one will wish me well or talk to me about it at home because no one supports me, in fact they are blaming me for making my mom cry and refusing to get married. I know My family means well and I understand that their friend’s kids are all getting married.
I would love to be in a meaningful relationship, but am not right now. I have been introduced to potentials, and I have been asked to just pick one, that even if I don’t like any, the feelings will grow. Lol. When my mom cries, I consider it but I ask myself if that is what I want for myself, to succumb to pressure and be miserable. No.
Thank you Stella, pls advise.
*My dear,do what makes you happy,and gives you peace!!!
I don't know you but all I can say is I sense greatness in you. Pray and ask for guidance, and be courageous to take the step once you get that clarity.
ReplyDeletePoster move to US if the opportunity comes. Marriage is highly over rated.
DeleteTotally Totally agree with Cynhams Cakes, pack your bags and move straight to the US now that you still have a chance and still single. Marriage especially in Nigeria is over fucking rated! I left the UK to come start a family with my husband here in Nigeria 4 years ago...biggest mistake everrrrr! Planning on going back next year with my kids to start building my career and real life back...and I am 38...
DeletePoster please pack your bags already. Do not succumb to pressure of marriage you will regreat it all your life. If only followed my dream of moving to Canada 10years ago. Now with a husband and two kids and almost completing my Ph.D. It is not easy to move. But I pray that 2020 smiles at me. I want to move badly, God help me.
DeleteTry Canada express entry instead and when you get PR u can move to USA
DeleteI like u studied for both degrees abroad
Madam cake marriage is not over rated oh at all, with all diz travel here nd dere, some times u get tired and need someone to talk wit,fight, nd play dats were marriage comes in. U can travel round d world buh wen u clock 40 without a husband or child u would know dat marriage is definitely not overrated.. Please y u chase ur dream look for a partner dat can support ur dream just like u mother said.... Because wen u come to tell us ure a successful woman later buh nor husband or children d same people date said marriage is overrated will ask WHAT WERE U DOING ALL THESE WHILE...u can b married be whoever u want.....NAMASTY POSTER
DeleteLike Stella said, do whatever makes you happy! That is what I'm doing now and i have a great peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteGo for the job but put family in your mind. I see a lot of pregnant nurses at work which means they are able to balance work and family. US is a very boring social place and time moves quickly. If you don't have your children soonest, you will look back and regret it. Go for the career moves but don't rule out family. Interests change as you age.
ReplyDeleteI agree
DeleteFollow the Career path Abroad, please. It is important for a woman to be financially stable before marriage. Your family will support you later, NEVER rush into marriage.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Abi husbands nor dey US?
DeleteStella, what do you mean by whatever makes her happy? Have you ever seen a happy woman in your life? They are all miserable.
ReplyDeleteAre you ok?
DeleteI agree with Stella. All the best.
ReplyDeletePlease do what makes you happy, so that you won't end up regretting or blaming anybody in the future.
ReplyDeleteThat word "destiny" you mentioned there, in as much as it is so abused
ReplyDeleteby Nigerians, is worth discussing.
You also mentioned "God," so where is he, have you sought him?
Yes, you have "no supporter," if God be for you, who can be against you.
Well, you did not tell us the "nursing course" you did in less than 5 months in the USA. The much I know, the least is LVN; licensed vocational nurse, which takes at least 1 year to run. Again, you did not tell us your "visa status" in the States for that will have a lot to do with finding a job and reading a degree.
Back to the destiny issue; personal experience.
I have a citizenship like I mentioned before. After that resignation from my well paid job (due to sexual harassment) and the pressure to relocate was building. I decided against it, why?
I did mention that every year, between Christmas and New Year, I go on a personal retreat; seclusion, fasting, praying, studying the Scriptures. It was in one of such that I saw the person I will marry.
After I resigned, I had to seek God same way and I got to know that I should not succumb to the pressure of leaving the country.
After I met my DH like I discussed here, I realized that if I had disobeyed God by relocating (I have a postgraduate from there so there is no
issue of starting afresh etc.) I would have missed this pleasant gentleman that I am married to presently. 😮😮😮
Now, who do I advise you to do?
Ajuju oo
Seek God, humble yourself...forgo the
entire pressure and you will find him...he will make known to you, his plan for your life; what people call destiny...
Matthew 6:33 33But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.…
Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
well said
DeleteIf you can be patient enough to follow ANG's advise poster, please do.
DeletePls do not ever succumb to any pressure for your own sake. if they want to live their dreams it should not be through you. If you can on your own make travel plans without their knowledge all the better. Do not share your dreams and plans with them anymore, difficult but doable, because they will always demean it and make you question your dreams.
ReplyDeleteGood luck dear....
ReplyDeleteFollow your mind do that you will not regret it later in life or blame anyone...
Good luck
For the longest time I wanted to be married early mostly because I admired my parents cos they had us early....but now I hear what people go through in marriage and I guess I have cold feet and i am a lot more ambitious now, and well smarter about my choices. I guess what I am trying to say is go for your dreams love will find you when it will find you. So many guys come around and disturb me now but I have no interests in any of them all I am is hungry cos I like the good life and I want what's mine in this world....yes and the abroad offers so much more...
ReplyDeleteDo what makes you happy. Ask God for direction.
ReplyDeleteAs a highly educated woman trying to navigate more education,career, relationship and marriage, you are gonna face series of challenges and the reality is, its often more difficult when it seems like you are way in over your head.
ReplyDeleteMy advice would be to encourage you on your desired path but not to give your folks the impression of it's that above all else. I promise you, sis..you can balance dating interests and focus on being a career woman if you can just be well rounded and open.
I'm also into IT so you are well on the right part. There's a balance and you can achieve it, sis. xx
In a bid to sound intelligent, your first paragraph is ambiguous and weird. It's PATH by the way.
DeleteDear poster, do what makes you happy. If you had a well paying job in Nigeria, it would have been a different issue.
15:59 thank you for the *path and whatever you are critiquing me for.
DeleteWow Girl you are such a go getter...High Five mehn 🖐🖐👊👊.. I am impressed at your resume..Your case reminds me of that movie ''Matilda''...See you need to do you..Pursue your dreams and do it at your own pace..You are 30yrs so you know what you want..I advice you keep great friends that will encourage you all the way who knows once you are ready, a life partner will be there for you...
ReplyDeleteShe is very brilliant. Poster I am scared on your behalf that you might settle for less. You have great potential. Wow. But in all seek God's will. And if you find a really good man along the way, hold on to him. I wish you the best poster.
DeletePoster, I will advise you move to the US and start a career. Moving to the US does not stop you from getting married if you meet the right one but the most important thing is do what makes you happy and at peace.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Your own even good say you see men whey dey ready to settle with you. We are only 5 girls in my family,two married(one living abroad with her husband,while the other lives in naija with her husband) the 1st & 2nd(me) and the 2nd to the other is single as. We are all managing peanut paying jobs and business,no better man is coming, mind you my elder sis is also very intelligent & determined just like you stated with good degrees & experience yet no husband. Our attempt to relocate abroad US & Australia hasn't yet yielded success .so na Sidon look we dey. Mum always praying & crying for us to get good husband. So you dey lucky seff you see who wan match-make you.
ReplyDeleteLasslass if you have the means required to go to the US then go.
Try Canada express entry
DeleteYou better move to US, I wish i had this opportunity by not allowing my loved one talk me into marriage, of course i love my husband dearly but it's killing my dreams,i have always wanted to relocate but now pursing my dreams has become my greatest challenge as hubby won't hear non of it, always trying to convince me that Nigeria will better just because things are going well for him. Please don't be like me and listen to anybody, you alone can make yourself happy.
ReplyDeleteThere are many frustrated dreamers in US too. Relocating doesn't automatically make you successful. There are losers and winners in US and Nigeria
DeleteYou are blessed Queen. I am glad you know it. It is 50-50. You can't really say what could have happened if you had travelled.
Deletedo anything genuine that will make you happy and give you peace of mind
ReplyDeleteThis is my own advice.
ReplyDelete1. First find yourself, I succumbed to family pressure and now after 7years , we have separated and I am trying to build myself.
2. With a masters and at least one year work experience, 30years of age and score of IELTS 8777 in LRSW, you can migrate legally to Canada.
3. Here in Canada you can start a nursing degree, with low tuition and government loan, in ontario it's called osap.( if your first degree was science based you would have done fast track RN at york university for 2 years, but since its not you might have to do the full years.)
4. Before the time you are done with school you will be eligible for citizenships and when you pass NCLex you can move to USA.
The point is with Canada you come as a permanent resident ( same as green card). Dont be in a hurry to marry, who knows tomorrow you might meet whom you like when you find yourself.
All the best
Thank you. Please can i get an email to communicate with you on, in order to get more information. PLEASE
DeleteNo. She will marry when she hits menopause. She is 30 not 20.
DeleteIf you have to use impending menopause to threaten a woman into marriage, I fear for your thought process. God is the maker of the clock. I know people who married at 20 and are still trusting God for a child after 26 years. Age does not stop God from perfecting his work. Stop using marriage as a weapon.
Deletedo what give you joy, do not allow family pressure to push you into settling for anything lower than your expectations.
ReplyDeleteAsk for God's direction and follow it. Goodwill.
ReplyDeleteYou can seek career advancement either here or the US and still be open to relationships. Trust be it can be navigated. It will even make you feel fulfilled seeing that you can be happy in all aspect of life.
ReplyDeleteDo what makes you happy hun, just try and be open to the guys you're being matched to, you never know where your breakthrough can come from with no strings attached ofcourse.
You think women can be happy? Pleeeease!
DeleteI lived in England from 2008 to 2018, and moved back to my home country after I realised my life felt stale - social and love life were almost non existent. When I first got home, I was so demotivated with the salaries companies were willing to pay for my wealth of experience. I was earning £35,000+, but the highest offer I got back home was the equivalent of £400/month. I stopped wasting my time with these companies and focused on multi-national ones instead. The pay obviously doesn't match up to what I was earning in London, but it's a great start. My current company is based all over the world, so after a few years, I will most likely transfer internally to a country/continent of my choice.
ReplyDeleteI suggest you do the same. Find a MNC in Lagos, and after a few years, transfer to one of the international branches! By then, they know your work ethic. Since it's an internal move [this shows loyalty to their brand], they will be more than willing to do your work permit etc. for you.
Do what makes you happy.
ReplyDeleteFlee to the US now!!! I had 5 degrees and was well over 30 when I met my husband. My academic intelligence is a turn on for him and his very high emotional intelligence makes me swoon. Even if you marry in the next year or so, you will be so frustrated as you have not found any career satisfaction yet. You need to be in an environment where you can soar.
ReplyDeleteNne, Your comment made me swoon like a duck in swan lake.
DeleteNne, Your comment made me swoon like a duck in swan lake.
DeleteWhat are you saying? Duck and swan lake? Please it’s not by force to try and sound intelligent lol
Delete@ Poster, please go before God in prayers and ask Him for direction. It is well with you in Jesus name
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle is highly refreshing. I don't have any advice for you dear poster but I read some very meaningful ones above. All the best.
ReplyDeletePoster I must really commend you and your achievements so far. I’m in my 20s and I’m still working on building my certificates as well. Moving abroad or staying here is a 50-50 chance, but if I were in your shoes though I’d move. What I have learnt about life even tho it may not seem much is that I must always follow my intuition. Most things I do and that I have succeeded in, is mostly when I listen to myself and even if sometimes I end up being wrong, I don’t bite myself about it cause at the end of the day it’s my decision. Your parents really tried sponsoring you through all this levels of education so please don’t think they are just been bias when they get worried about you settling down. Just try and explain anytime they query you about the issue. You can date and still be focused, I pray you find a man that sees things the way you do.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I am yet to meet a close person to me who relocated to the US and say they regretted it. Yes, they say it’s not easy at first but they scale through. Follow your intuition on this one please.
What i can say is the menial jobs or low jobs people do in us pays more than some of the professional jobs here in the us .writing from atlanta i know what I'm talking about.
ReplyDeleteLike other Bv’s have said, Firstly go to God in prayer to hear from him, go to a place where you can be alone with God and no distractions at all,
ReplyDeleteSecondly Never live your life to please your parents some friends that did came back regretting many years down the line. Do what makes you happy, you know what you want please go for it.
As for getting married, your husband will find you.. A man finds a wife not vice versa and who says that husband won’t find you in whatever location you are.
Finally as a woman, if you are not fulfilled you can’t make a good wife or mother because you will end up transferring your frustrations and regrets on your husband and Children. God brought you to this earth for a purpose so go ahead and fulfill it. It is not a man that will complete you..
If you are planning to enter the US as a student and to study science or tech then it's a good idea there are lots of opportunities. It seems you are already aware of how humbling starting life abroad is so no issues there. As someone who left a good job and went to study in Germany, I will say make the move if you feel strongly about it. You can never be happy if you don't move, you will be full of regrets. Also don't stop your life waiting for marriage to happen. Follow your dreams, build them a d in the process if marriage happens to fit in then good.
ReplyDeleteI've been abroad for 3 years, I've had to work so hard to achieve my dreams...I'm still in the process but I can say that I'm progressing
I know very soon I will be where I want to be
1. Pray. Pray very very well.
ReplyDelete2. Watch. (Watch and pray). Sometimes, you may not get a vision seeing anything in particular, but the signs around you will tell you what to do next. God always leaves signs around us and if you keep hitting brick walls, theres most likely something He's trying to tell you.
3. Forget all that parental pressure. Its bollocks! See everyone is selfish. Even our parents!! They want what's good for them so they can look 'proper' to their friends. When you begin to see life like this, you will not let anything bother you. That's how ex Miss World's mother was running upandan and calling pastors for prayer meeting in their house. Shey she eventually married a Muslim billionaire at 30 something, her mama wey dey form prayer warrior still attended the wedding to a Muslim. Lol!
4. I see you holding on to so many things "I have this, I have that, America is this, America is that, top of my class" Girl!! Life doesnt work like that way eeeeehhh. Be the brightest, fastest and most put-together, you can never tell God's ways. #facts That US you are calculating, you can move there and God sends you a husband and you wont even need to work so hard to make ends meet because God has set him up for you. All the degrees you have here, the tenacity you've built in your 100k job and the skills you have masters WILL still come in handy, so dont talk down on them. You wont quake at minor challenges like those who havent seen what your eyes have seen. So stop looking at what you have or dont have, or what you know or dont know. God uses the foolish things of this world to confuse the 'wise'. Pray, trust Him and do as He has said. If He says you should remain in Nigeria, trust that an opportunity will come that will collapse years for you in Nigeria too.
5. I need to say this: STOP amassing degrees just because you can. Instead, build other skills. Like confidence, communication, networking, public speaking, appearance etc. That you are so intelligent and yet unable to land a good job in Nigeria means something is definitely missing. You've done corporate comms, law, then masters, then IT and Nursing are on your radar too. How many industries??!! I know, because you are intelligent and you no dey fear book you can read anything, write and exam and pass. (I am like that too!!) But you need to ACTUALLY chart out a career path for yourself. Reflect on your personal dreams and visions, then decide on what exactly you want to do and pray for wisdom to accomplish them. Look at people who are already where you want to be, how do they act, talk, think, dress, network. Start emulating them and position yourself for an opportunity in that space. Do you understand??
6. If you remain in Nigeiria, apply for the bigger jobs in Nigeria. Those jobs you are thinking you wont get, apply for them. The people there are not more qualified or intelligent than you are. Keep applying, keep tweaking the CV and applying.
7. Lastly, try Canada. Canada and US na the same thing. You can enter and leave as you like. Many American companies have their offices in Canada and have staff who drive from US to go to work in Canada everyday. And vice versa. Your have a masters so do the Express entry thing. At least you wont have to do many menial jobs or get another degree to get a good job in CA.
Good luck and let us know!❤
Beautiful advice *claps*
DeleteThank you so much.
Delete@Chikito well-said.
DeleteCorrection, that former Miss World did not marry a Muslim. That's if you are referring to A.D.
Her husband's family are Christians.
Well said Chiki
Delete@ Anno 23*55
I also disagree with her in that part. Btw I thought Agbani's mum is dead
Oh?? I didnt know he was a Christian. Pardon that 🙏
DeleteMake sure you go to the US with the right visa. The fact that you stayed 5 months and did courses on a visiting visa may count against you if you plan to renew. US is not smiling again like before, they are rejecting left and right.
ReplyDeleteSoo many beautiful advice up there
ReplyDeleteAbove all pray and try Canada
Marriage is far from what you need now!!
Discover yourself before you get married and have kids
It's like I'm repeating all the wonderful advice up there
May the Holy Spirit direct and guide you dear!!🙏
You didn't say if you have a green card or legal stay in the USA. If you do not, please don't bother because frustration will be your second name. Life is not that easy there without papers. But if you do, you can trust God to guide you on the best decision to take.
ReplyDelete