Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Marital Problems Inherited From Up Bringing........

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Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Marital Problems Inherited From Up Bringing........

Do you know that Some of the problems we have today in some of our marriages, is from our upbringing.????






 The way we were brought up comes back to affect our marriage.


I have a friend who as a growing child, her dad was the breadwinner. He paid their fees, have money for foodstuffs , paid the rent and helped dem with their home work. Her mum was a nurse but her father still played his role.
She grew up with the mentality that a man should be d one to provide for his family


She got married to a man who in his own family, his dad had abandoned the home affairs to his mother. She would hustle from morning till night just so dey can eat. She paid their rent and fees. Mind u, his father was not broke oh!


Now wen they got married,She expected him to bring money for feeding...wosai!!
The man don dress go work. He didn't know she was angry. And sincerely he was just being normal .He didn't know he was doing something wrong.
Wen kids started coming nko?
My friend was mad. She was dying inside. To her, he should know what to do as a man.
She stopped buying the kids pampers and food. Until he brought money.


The quarrels came
,the fightings came ,
the name callings came and
the beatings came too.
His family saw her as a wicked wife.
do u blame dem?mbanu


That was wen i came in. I told her if u have the money,buy it. They are ur kids too.
She heard me and started buying things at home.
Then came the next complain ..
"he does not appreciate my efforts "


I had a talk with him and from our discussion, i knew where the problem was coming from....his background.


He kept saying..."cant she do it? After all my mother did it since i was born till date. Wat is she doing dat i wont hear word.?"


See eh, any mentality u grow up with,especially wen it was practised by people u hold dear, e dey hard to leave u.


So i told my friend to keep talking to him. let him know dat d woman is only a helper not a bread winner.


In my own house, na me dey fix bulb if e die. Cos if i don't, dat warri guy no care
Na me dey fix my door handle ,or call plumber if the taps have issues...
At first, i been dey vex say which kind man no go maintain him house?
We stayed in a house for 3yrs without a lock on our door cos he didnt even notice it was bad. Me too i comot face. If he wont do it, let it be like dat


Until i went to warri for holidays...they were all using touch to bathe in the bathroom and there was light
wen i asked, they say the bulb don die since.
inukwa? Bulb of how much.?
The money to buy it was not the problem but nobody mind even go there.


Am still talking sha
Something he grew up with, e go take time to change.
If i didn't understand the problem, we for dey fight everyday


U marry man wey family no dey do any gathering .Dem no even know their papa birthday. Everybody on him own.
Then u want him to always be at home,care for u ,remember ur anniversary and birthdays...u enter one chance.
Wen u start complaining,he will see u as a nag.
before u know,fight don start,e go pack leave Ur house.Even with that, e no see wetin dey wrong oh!


Its not just the men,we women too get our own.


I believe communication can solve most of the problems dat fighting will cause.


It is now in our hands to train our kids the right way.Not just our daughters oh!
Becos if u train dem well ignoring the boys,ur well trained daughters will end up marrying the untrained guys.Taking us back to square one


Lets give our children the best training with sound morals so dat their generation of marriages will be sweeter than ours.
I rest my case.

#Copied#



This makes a whole lot of sense!!!!

108 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Kindly marry your type. How can a man let his wife be doing everything because his mother did so.
      The fact that his mother did everything doesn't make it right. No one is a mumu so everyone should contribute and yes the man should do more.

      Delete
    2. This is very very true!

      I will also chip in dat b4 marriage we should try n kno d kind of people we marrying n also spend some days,weeks or months with dem! It will help.

      Delete
  2. Wow! Best post so far. I love this

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tell you!!

      Even though I've always known this. My ex has a super woman mum so he didnt understand how to pamper a woman. It looked as if it was too much to be pampered when one is dying of stress. And I am used to being pampered. So well....

      This is why marriage counselling is advisable to set expectations and deal with wrong mindsets. This is also why two genuinely good people can get married and divorce.

      Delete
  3. I grew up in a fighting home. At intervals I’ll beat the hell out of my husband.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poor man. 😡😡😡

      Delete
    2. wow πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„

      Delete
    3. Loling at your comment Anonymous 12:08..
      Poor man
      Issa pity.

      Delete
    4. And you are proud to write.

      Your brain must be full of pap !!! E-diot

      Delete
    5. I don't why I am laughing but it's not funny. Easyooo. No kill person pikin

      Delete
    6. Wow...This shouldn't be a proud thing to say. It needs to be fixed as it is not normal at all.

      Delete
    7. Abeg Janet Li cam Dan

      Biko

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    8. U guys don't get the sarcasm, she means the man's upbringing is not a valid excuse not to provide for his family. Cos she fit dey beat the man as she sef don chop beating for upbringing.

      Delete
    9. Not funny at all, you need help. Hope u never born kids sha? Cos e no go good make una dey fight in front of those kids. Stop it please 😌.

      Delete
  4. This is one of your masterpiece of writing ma'am. Thank you so much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not her masterpiece. She clearly indicated copied

      Delete
    2. U no see copied ni πŸ™„πŸ˜πŸ€·πŸΎ‍♀️🚢🏾‍♀️🚢🏾‍♀️🚢🏾‍♀️🚢🏾‍♀️

      Delete
  5. I came from a polygamous home with a Narcissistic dad. Mum saw shege in the marriage till she finally walked away after 30yrs of suffering.

    I on the other hand is married and I get so defensive at any slight opportunity, it was so bad at d beginning of my marriage which is 4yrs plus, but I’m now getting to control my emotions lil’ by lil’. I know this trait is as a result of my parents marriage, Mum was d gentle dove that couldn’t stand for her self which gave dad the very strong hold on her, tho no DV in their marriage but she took all sorts from him which made me vow that I will not take shit from any man Nd that is y I get easily defensive with my man. A trait I don’t like Nd pray I successfully work on it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ***cont.**
      All in the name of being a submissive wife, my mum was a door mat. Oh she suffered in her own home which really affected us her kids. This made me selective with my submission in my marriage o, all so I won’t become my mum, even tho my husband is nothing like my dad but their marriage really took a toll on me coz I am always ready to give him hot hot anytime an issue comes up coz in my mind I don’t want to end up like my mum. Too bad

      Delete
    2. Just don’t over do it, he shouldn’t suffer for your dad’s mistake. You will be fine sis.

      Delete
    3. You are really strong dear..I will do same too..Thank God you realized and you are working on it...

      Delete
    4. Omg did I write this or someone else did for me? Anon we are in the same boat o. My mom was the bread winner while growing up, even till date. Popsy has a career that wasn't bringing in much but he's very laid back and easily content. Momsy will hustle day and night. Travel for meetings, conferences and seminars. While popsy was at home doing nothing. Momsy would pay tuition fees for her kids and other kids that stayed in our house, buy clothes feed the house, paid rent till we built our house (which she single handedly funded the project), take care of my dad and his relatives till I got married. Even till this moment, she still feeds the house. Then I said to myself I never wanted to be like her cus i saw how hard she worked to make sure we never lacked, I would never be the sole bread winner in my marriage. Now im independent for myself not to take care of a man and foot all the bills.
      I pray God helps me become a better person cus i married a good man who is family oriented, knows it's his responsibility to take care of his family and has my back anytime.

      Delete
    5. This table has lot of our mothers sitting on it.

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    6. This table has lot of our mothers sitting on it.

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    7. Same as my mother.. funded everything even up to his under wear.. funded his projects that never worked out, funded his family even to the abroad.. I also picked the complete opposite. My husband Infact doesn’t understand why and how a man would let a woman feed him. His father took care of his mother, household even till now.

      Delete
    8. Most women are on this boat because back in the days our mother's did almost everything.
      My mum did everything, unfortunately she passed away few years ago not enjoying all she laboured for and my so called dad is looking very young with a new wife 🀷🏾‍♀️. It always pains me sha "God help me make i forgive oooo"
      I dont even speak with him anymore, dont know how he got my new phone nos. Text and left me voice messages tire few months ago that he is around on holiday and I just blocked and ignored him.
      My husband is from a broken home but he is indeed a JESUS example. God bless, protect and prosper this angel for me.

      Delete
  6. How about those Naija girls who are in marriages and sneaking out to go and steal fork?
    Those married Naija girls who have fiances while married?
    Are they all doing it because they learnt it from upbringing?
    Those who are passing other men's kids to their husbands and their hearts
    shoot "gbim, gbim, gbim" when you mention DNA... and
    those who have not repented of their adulteries or received Jesus as Lord is it from
    upbringing????
    Okwa ajuju n'ese okwu oo
    πŸ˜•πŸ˜•πŸ˜•πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes it is the root of upbringing or being rebellious that brings about all these...

      Delete
    2. And the men who go outside to fork as well. It’s all from upbringing

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    3. Mr/Miss/Ms./Mrs. 'Fork', you're so predictable in your comments. Just stop using that word all the time. Just say 'Fuck' and call it a day.

      Delete
    4. @18:20
      Aren't you so confused in your comment?
      You are addressing someone with all those titles, you could have as well
      added; chief, Barrister, General, Rear Admiral, Pilot, Architect, Navy commander, president,...
      Keep writing.

      Delete
    5. You're lack basic comprehension Anon. 20:15.
      Everyone, absolutely every human being goes by a Mr/Miss/Miss/Mrs title. Whatever prefix that applies to him/her is what it is. Your professional identity is quite different from you as a human being!

      Delete
  7. There is nothing I can emulate from my parents marriage,Nothing! Is it the emotional abuse from dad to mum or the several other wives? Or the part of my dad hanging up with his favorite wife to always humiliate my mum and we her kids? 😭
    I still detest my father fr the things he made us go through in life.
    He hasn’t learnt his lesson, all his wives left him including my mum dat left him first, now he is fucking the woman selling roasted corn beside our house.

    Dad is all what u shouldn’t pray for in a man, Narcissistic, manipulator, oppressor,abusive.
    But to outsiders, he is the religious Alhaji, generous, kind and friendly. Hmmmm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally get you Anon 12:20. Men like him are the worst types. They're generous to outsiders and treat those close to them like SHIT! All they care about is public image and because they have a good public image, they use it to manipulate those close to them who know their true nature. I have been in a "relationship" with one for over five years. Taking a walk and never looking back. Narcissistic, evil, selfish womanizing piece of scum is all he is.

      Delete
  8. Totally on point. I agree#@@@@bia bia 1πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘

    ReplyDelete
  9. My husband sees cheating as his right coz his father is a philanderer. I don’t even think he feel it’s normal to stick to one woman. The irony of it all is that he was the one always confronting his dad when he was alive about keeping many side hoes. I’m in a fix!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is an asshole. Leave him when you can. It will only get worse and he will only stop when he is well into old age and can no longer get it up at will.

      Delete
    2. That is what is called genetics in sceince and generational traits in culture. Sometimes you just find yourself being just teh way your parents were without planning to. That is why religious groups dont take it for granted, they request you to resist it vehemently. Geenerational curses in particular. Once you see a trend that you dont like in your family dont joke with it.

      Delete
  10. So whatever behavior/attitude we exhibit tells a whole lot about how we were raised by our parents.

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  11. Poster you are right,but we as individuals should know how to do better even if our background no too make sense. My hubby is from a family where his mum does almost everything. He dislikes his dad for that and he made up his mind to do better. He takes care of us like he doesn't slack at all. I only do whatever I feel like doing in the house. I'm also from a background where my mum did everything for us too. Seeing my hubby taking his responsibilities very seriously is a huge plus for me. My dad never bought anything for my mum,but my hubby spoils me silly.All I'm saying is that we should try and do better by and for ourselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right. God bless you and your husband always.

      Delete
    2. Exactly. It can affect you positively or negatively depending on you.
      I will even say it affects us psychologically more than physically.

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    3. Ma'am, that's because your husband chose to do better. He chose to be a better man. You can't say same for every man out there. ✌️

      Delete
    4. Odun, what is the difference between what you wrote and what anon said?

      Delete
    5. Exactly.
      Your husband didn't accept the status quo and decided to do better. That's the way it should be

      Delete
    6. Hubby's Dad stopped his mum from continuing skol after he married her, cos his relatives felt he was wasting his money on a girl and encouraged him to spend the money on sponsoring his cousins in the village to skol instead. He did just that. Now my mum in- law, as smart as she sounds and behaves doesn’t have an education. Such a waste and it pains me! The heights this woman would have reached! Today, while I’m away from the house, my children will innocently quizz her to help with their home work. She tries to explain that she dint go to skol but they just don’t get it. Hubby’s dad treated her like a slave, taking care of all the relatives he brought form the village to sponsor, while he was hardly at home, traveling everywhere and building houses his wife knew nothing about. His children suffered bcos there were too many mouths to feed in d house while he disappeared for months. I see my hubby acting the opposite of his dad. Taking deliberate actions not to be like him. We just purchased our first major property and he put it in my name. I am still shocked. So there is the prayerful effort not to replicate bad traits u saw during ur upbringing. God wld help us. Amen

      Delete
  12. I lost my father when I was very young and my mother solely took care of us and did a very good job.
    I am married now and even though I never really experienced the presence of what a man is in the home,I still had expectations of the man being the bread winner/disciplinarian and I the helper and caretaker. I was working before and doing well but it was decided by my husband and I,i will stay home till both kids begin school. So for the next 4/5yrs I'm going to home. He wants me home permanently as we can afford it. But I don't like the idea personally. My mother never stayed home for a day she was a hustler and I feel the need to take care of her in old age without my husband's input. This sitting home permanently can cause see finish,so no way I'm doing it permanently. Right now I have little money coming in through investments so I don't over-burden the man.
    Yes upbringing may affect the way you reason and see some things in marriage but sometimes it even makes you do the opposite of what was done in your home because you saw the adverse effects. My mum was hardly ever home,same as my mother inlaw,she was always travelling for business and their last son became smthn else. So it was important to us that atleast I stay home in their formative years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi @ @non 12:29 do you mind sharing the investment platforms u used?

      Delete
  13. wow.i learnt something.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is soo true. In my house, we care for each other, call each other everyday, we help ourselves a lot and we don't keep secrets. I got married to the opposite. I can't even visit my parents, it's unnecessary, calling my siblings means gossiping and irrelevant. Husband beating wife means correction. A woman is not supposed to manage her money even though she's the one making it. I found out he grew up in a home like that. They don't even remember their birth days let alone remembering yours . His mum will always try to correct him but it's too late. He's grown already.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kai...Na wa.
      You can’t visit your parents 😧😧 and you allowed him have his way?
      That’s selfishness on his part. No husband or wife can break the bond my siblings and I have. It’s well with you poster.

      Delete
    2. Slutty I said that too bfre I got married. Just pray you don't meet the type of man I married. It's either you stay with him or you go back to your siblings. I couldn't take it. I left his house and came back after I empowered myself financially. I'm no longer that naive little liability he orders around. Respect come dey sef. I no fit shout

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    3. Na wah, it is well πŸ˜•

      Delete
  15. Bad upbringing is the root of most marital problems. My hubby is Exactly like his father. If I had known I would never have married him. He used to talk like he would never make those mistakes and yet he has turned out exactly like him. Broke, neglects his family for women and even has a child outside. Just like his father. And cos his mom took it he expects the same from me. I beg enh I’ve thrown him out.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Absolute truth!!! That's how my neighbour back then will leave his toilet dirty without flushing even when there's water stored in those big drums at arm's length. And of course he sees nothing wrong in his wife flushing after him simply because he grew up to his dad doing the exact same thing and HIS mum enabling dirty father.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See ehn, I will keep advising ladies please before you marry, know the man's family very well and observe how his dad treats his mum.

      90% of them believe if their mum could take it so who are u not to. a friend introduced me to a guy and within 3months, I noticed their dad contribute nothing to the house, and all of them live together in 3bedroom flat, father smoking, brother smoking and fighting. That house was something else geez! house of commotion.

      Now this guy my friend introduced me to saw their life style as normal and was even calling me fake and if my urine is irish cream, imagine such mentality. Only God knows how marriage with that one will be, just 3months and i took off without looking back.

      Marry this type and ur name is sorry. Somebody that comes into the room,removes clothes while standing and leave at that same spot and the mother will come pick them up and wash.

      Delete
  17. Family background and upbringing is not an excuse for anyone act in a certain thinking that's the norm. One needs exposure outside of the family, one reason we all go to school to learn and meet people from different background and culture. Any man or woman who still think things should be the done the way they saw them when they grew up should remain with their parents or guardian.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You deserve a plate of Dooneys Nkwobi.

      So because you grew up like that, you should keep on such behavior?

      Delete
  18. My dad was the breadwinner, the provider, the listener, the giver and the commander of the 🏠.
    He never waited for his wife (my mother) to ask him money, before he gives.
    He will buy her hollandaise, jewelleries and every other beautiful latest fabrics.
    He knew how to handled his family, he was a disciplinarian and go getter.

    He was very generous and a great dancer 😊😊😊😊

    My mum on the other hand, was always a receiver, take , take and take... No matter how much thousands given to her to start a business, she always come back to ask for more and never bring returns.

    When I was much younger, I use to pray for a man like my dad and I actually, met almost a replica of my dad (albeit a Caucasian)

    I was raised by my dad... And I believe a man should be able to shoulder his family responsibilities, the wife can always support.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In my own case, my mom worships my dad to the core, never saw my mom and dad quarrel, my mom is a whatever you say goes kind of woman, my dad has so many children outside, he brings them to the house for my mom to take care of them, without talking to her about it first and my mom won't question him..
      Our home became a duping ground for his other children, my mom believe so much in staying with your man no matter what..
      She idolises my father, if my mom is passing through pains,instead of calling Jesus name, she calls my father's name..
      That's why I vowed never to be like my mom..
      But my late sister took after my mom..

      Delete
    2. That's why you're always happy.
      Enjoy your life aburo mi

      Delete
    3. Oh darling Ugegbeotega, so sorry about your Sister. May God continue to rest her gentle soul.

      I wish you and your family strength and courage πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ˜˜❤️❤️

      Delete
    4. Thank you very much Anonymous 15:45πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ’–πŸ’–

      Delete
    5. Ms. A, had it been we have 2 females in my house, would have guessed maybe you're my sibling.

      My own mom doesn't even know her shoes size, dad used to buy everything for her, her friends are always jealous that those of them working were not using what my mom was using.

      Mom had different types of golds, the ones for outing, playing at home and special occasions .Give my mom #10m, she will come back to tell you how everything finished.

      I never experienced my mom bought ordinary panties for me, not even pad money, dad was my ATM, may almight God continue to grant him eternal rest.

      Children raised in such our homes do love our dads more and we always enter marriage with such mentality that our husbands must do everything, whereas, it's hardly impossible in this age and time. Women too must support their husbands




      *Larry was here*

      Delete
  19. upbringing really matters alot, while growing up it was just my sister and I with my mum, we lost our dad early.

    My mum always bought us things separately, my favourite colour was red and my sister yellow. So my things were red, like plate, cup, hat, toys etc and same with my sister, yellow plate, cup too.

    One day my mum's friend visited and started advising mumsy against that arrangement, that she should encourage us to share things. Na so mumsy cook finish and said the 3 of us will eat together with one plate and cup.

    Okay oh, i wanted to drink water but wasn't sure where my mum and sister put their lips on so, I used the cup handle side to drink water and got a big knock. Her friend blamed her that she caused it. Till date i still don't share with my sister, if I'm on and don't have pad, I will just take one from hers use at the moment and go buy mine. Even body spray, perf etc. I rather copy the name and go buy.

    While i have seen family where one person buys soap and everybody will use it till it finish and act like nothing happened. I have even visited a family and they girls there started using my soap, toothpaste, bodyspray and slippers huh? I was like what if i didn't come.

    And they are always fighting. Upbringing matters alot oh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate poke nosing friends. Your mum's friend was just jealous of your arrangement and decided to ruin it.

      Delete
    2. That's how one of my mums friend will be advising against so many things she longed for out of jealousy because she didn't have her daughter around. You see a mother bond well with her daughters and out of jealousy you start advising against it 🀷🏾‍♀️. I dont play with the relationship I have with my children ooooo.

      Delete
  20. To me, family background shouldn't define you. If you are from a polygamous home doesn't mean you should tow that line, if you father used ur mom to PRActice UFC, don't be like him, strive to be better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm telling you... it matters o
      But that shouldn't be the determinant of your actions when you have your family. You must have learnt between the right and wrong while growing and meeting people so it's your choice to pick the right or wrong. The issue of mummy helping daddy and all those in house issues can be settled through effective communication

      Delete
  21. I saw my mum as too weak and my dad too authoritative,I never wanted my marriage to be like theirs,infact I prayed never to marry a man like my dad,Goa answered me o,my husband is one in a million,he listens to me and we plan together,wen he has money,I and daughter comes first unlike my dad day will spread it outside and we will be lacking in d house...or is it d fact day he always tries to bring her down everywhere even to us d children but I thank God we be eyes and we saw,I just wish he will treat her better,although now day we r all grown up,momsie Don de tear eye for am small small...

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm from a family where my dad was the sole bread winner, while my husband is from a family where his mum was the bread winner.
    My husband told me he promised his mum of blessed memory not to be anything like his dad.
    My husband is the sole provider for our family and he has never complained.

    Although I lowkey dislike my father in-law because of all I heard he put his wife through.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm telling you... This is how it should be as he has learnt between the rights and wrongs and he has made his choice

      Delete
  23. One thing I have come to realize is no two marriages are the same.

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  24. This poster is on point, our background has a way of shaping our lives. I grew up weeping for my mom,she practically gained nothing from my dad, after sacrificing so much for the family. My dad doesn't give her a penny, even when she asks. Yet he comes back to her anytime he goes broke. There's never been peace in my family, what about domestic violence? This has really affected my siblings and I. I however took my lessons, and consciously using everything I learnt positively. I pray God continues to strengthen me and my family.

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  25. My wife was raised by her father and her oyinbo stepmother...so her father was in charge of market runs..foodstuff etc...automatically, she expected me to be the one going to the market then she'll do the cooking. I notice we always fight whenever she comes back from the market and have to also cook, now i do all the market runs...as a matter of fact on my way home from work today i still go buy meat, her own na just to cook, i just tire

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    Replies
    1. There is nothing wrong with a man shopping for food. No be your wife dey cook am?? Please don't act as if what you are doing is a great sacrifice.

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    2. Bitchplis, God bless you. Once in a while you guys can both go shopping if you don't always feel comfortable. Marriage na wisdom, may God bless and keep your home πŸ™πŸΎ

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  26. What an interesting write-up, I'm challenged......kudos to the writer

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  27. Those saying we should strive to be better than our parents, you're absolutely right but that's not the logic of this post. This post is acknowledging the psychological influences of parental upbringing and how it affects people's behaviour. Unfortunately, some people are worse affected than others while others succeed in carving a better path for themselves. How and why that happens is what we should be more interested in. Why do some go on to perpetuate the dysfunction while others do not?

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    Replies
    1. Very good question. I would love to know the answers too

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    2. @17:15 Mindsets and determination. It's a lot to get rid of psychological limitations in ones upbringing, but it can be done

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  28. I feel there are certain behaviors that you grow up to see as wrong no matter how much you have seen it growing up and you should make conscious effort to change the narrative. We should learn to take responsibility for our actions as we get older because of life experiences that comes with old age and we now know the consequences of our actions. You cant be comfortable with someone else taking all the responsibility in your home when you know you can afford it and blame it on your up bringing. You are just a user and a selfish person. These mothers or fathers are being advised to accept the situation the way it is and move on to avoid issues but the children you are raising in that home are also taking note of the bad behavior and are expected to follow same behavior as their dad or mom (because that is how they were raised). Sometimes, a single parent home might be better for the children. You are advising your child to ensure he always changes the light bulb in his home(for example) but he can see his dad not doing it. Showing example is the best teacher (this is if we are going with the idea that the cheated or deprived or abused partner should just remain there to avoid issues and raise their kids better in same environment). This is why i repeat, some single parent home is healthier than a home with both parents. Most of the comments i have read talked about diff forms of abuse their father/mother experienced at home while they were growing up and they are making conscious efforts to change the narrative in their homes. This is as a result of a dent that has been left in their hearts as little kids growing up in a dysfunctional home all because their parents wanted to remain married.

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  29. God bless this writer,every input will help a lifeπŸ’ƒ

    Background check is very important when you choose who to spend your life with! my brother is trying so hard not to be like my dad that its almost affecting him!!
    We grew up in a home where domestic violence is the order of the day,I remember I failed mathematics in WAEC because that day my dad had been hitting my mom while we were prepping for school and I left half of the street in my compound trying to sort them out
    My dad was a lecturer (still a professor) but we were hungry most of the time,we sold orishirishii to feed!!
    I had a very serious suitor in my 3rd year who had been asking me out since I was in Ss3,the day I knew I would never marry him was when he told me how his dad at a point married his Secretary and brought her homeπŸ˜•
    When my now husband came,I said I wasn't ready but my mum kept pressing me to better say yes that shey me I can't see the type of family he's from(the coolest family in the neighborhood, all quiet with zero scandal,comfortable too)its been peace and love though I am the screamer(I can fight)its our 7th year and he has never raised his voice at me,I had to learn how to whisper when we are arguing because anyone standing 10feets away will only hear my voice😁😁
    My sister on the other hand insisted on marrying a man exactly like my dad and its been a rollercoaster!!
    May God help us!
    I have to go anonymous on this😊😊

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  30. Very True.
    I grew up seeing my daddy cook,sometimes stop by the market on his way back from work, help mumsi with the house chores etc.
    When i got married i kind of expected same. But i no see am. My husband cannot cook, or do any house chores. It was a very terrible first 2 years of marriage. I felt like i was a help,he felt i was a nag.
    My mother inlaw had to sit me down and begged me to calm down. That its her fault. The father never allowed the boys do anything, that it is prohibited. She does everything in the house. Its so bad that my father in law cannot make a cup of tea for himself.
    Somehow with love and patience we were able to work things out. He helps out now.
    Lesson learned my son will be raised differently.

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  31. A whole lot of sense. When I wws still with the father of my daughter,I do almost everything,the day I realized am sitting on a time bomb in future for my daughter was the dayshe wants to buy 100# biscuit and my daughter was disturbing me to buy it for her,I just snapped at her to go meet her dad and her response brought tears to my face,she said "mommy give me money for it,my daddy does not have it, you must do everything....I cried because I realized I have been aiding and encouraging the worst thing that can happen because he truly has but always wants me to do it and I never knew my then 4 yr old girl saw it aw my responsibilities

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  32. I grew up seeing my mum fight my dad's relatives, she literally chased the ones that wanted to depend on my dad for everything. In most of the fights, she was right as we had a dad who liked to do for others and neglect the home .
    Today I'm married and settled in my home but I find it very difficult to bond with my husband's siblings and relatives. I sometimes see them as leaches and pests . So yes I agree with the poster that upbringing plays a greater role in shaping our lives. I pray to be more accommodating towards my Inlaws.

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  33. Hmmmmm. That's all I can say. My boyfriend and I have been talking about settling down together, but now I have to start scrutinizing his upbringing and family. We do have an amazing communication but his family & upbringing nko? Hmmmmm. I'm still deep in thought. Don't wanna enter one chance.

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  34. The poster is so on point..her hubby is just like mine but the good thing about my hubby is once you complain he works on changing that particular habit..marriage is hardwork I beg especially if your spouse is from a polygamous home like mine...e no easy at all.

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  35. My ex husband grew up in a domestic violent home. D father used to beat the mother. Also his sister are Dv homes bcos they dont see any need to leave. He talks to his mother like a child and thinks it's how men should address women. He and his siblings keep malice for months. I was really naive when I got married.picked my child and never looked back

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  36. I grew up in a family of 9kids! My father was just a civil servant. We had to strive for everything. Feeding was hard, clothing only at Christmas. Today almost all of us has two kids each.Only my last sister gave birth to 3kids. We swore to give birth to the number of kids we can comfortably take care of. I love my parents though. They tried their best.

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