Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Friday, January 10, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Na wah






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED ON HOW TO KEEP FRIENDSHIPS

Please I need advice and to know if this is normal. I am a type of person that likes to be on her own. I meet amazing people, chat with them couple of times and just creep into my corner hence I have not been able to keep friends.

I probably have just 2 'friends'. we used to be close but because of this attitude of mine there has been a sort of gap.I reached out to one just recently and my oh my! she told me how she understands that I am busy but can't deal again.

i tried explaining but she was not having it. feels like a break up (lol) but seriously I have had people complain. In the office they know I am the president of the Sweet girl association but once I leave the office that is it o. once you complain, I apologise we gist for few days but then back to normal again.

Please I need advice on how to keep friends. I have read books (E.g. how to be a people person among Maxwell) but I never change




You know your problem and cant seem to change or adjust so wetin we wan tell you wey go change you?Dont worry,when you get old with no friends to share special moments with and gossip with,then you will know what you have done to yourself......
All of you always saying you dont have friends,how do you survive without friends?

54 comments:

  1. Stella I survive ooo.. Poster you must not keep friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too don’t complicate ur life with friends. I have only two n am ok.

      Delete
    2. Me too o. My life has been better ever since then. No snitches, no betrayers

      Delete
    3. Well it's all fun ,no snitches no betrayer until one changes a location and finds out that being able to forge new friendships does come in handy. You don't need to be friends with the whole world but one needs to be able to make new friends as circumstances demands whilst not discarding the few old ones.

      Delete
    4. Stella this is Nigeria. Times have changed. No GOOD friends anymore. My dear my Dp is boldly displayed with ' A lone Wolf, find comfort in solitude"
      I hqve been betrayed a million times over so hey, am DONE

      Delete
    5. Stella ask her please.
      How do you survive without friends,good or bad friends either leave a lesson or good memories.
      All humans can't be evil. Continue looking, you will get one.
      Try calling to check up,please avoid chatting.

      Delete
    6. Not keeping friends cause I think they are evil or out to see me fall. I just don't keep up with them.

      on the contrary they tell me everything going on with them, I advice and pray with them but as I mentioned it does not go past that....

      sigh*

      Delete
  2. The best time to build friendships are sec school and uni... Those sort of friendships hardly die. You all might get busy cos life happens but after a while there will be a reunion. Just saying I've not been able to establish friendships as strong as the ones I had when I was in school... Old firewood no dey quick quench even for friendships. Whenever we meet its like we never parted gist just dey flow with no unnecessary formings.

    My dear sister, apologise to your old friends and learn to be more open and accommodating.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Only Jesus can give you a true friend. 😊
    Proverbs 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

    Ask him to come into your lifeπŸŽˆπŸŽˆπŸ’πŸ’πŸ˜˜

    ReplyDelete
  4. Is not a must to keep friends.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am the same way and continuously learning I need them. Better call apologize go visit her, laugh gist , and really try. I had a friend who almost cut me off as well. I lover her to death, so na to beg na ni. N today we are better for it. She’s just forming vex. But you seriously need to do better

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That your friend doesn't sound understanding, poster leave her alone and try to be more outgoing. You will make new friends. You really don't need too many friends.

      Delete
    2. unfortunately we both live on different side of the continent so timing is another things working against us..

      Delete
  6. Did i just type this chronicle? Or did any of my siblings sent this chronicle on my behalf? I'm so on this table. God help me, i really want to change

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We plenty for this table.

      Stella, your red pen today get as e be. Those of us who behave like this are not demons. We just tend to love our company a little too much. And we know we need to change

      Delete
    2. Thanks o. It doesn't make us less human. We're introverts. As some one would say, if there wasn't such a thing, it won't be in the dictionary.

      Delete
  7. you're simply an introvert and you didn't make yourself but for people to complain that much means you need to adjust. Try just try as much as possible to come out of your shell make it a habit. The yr is still fresh you can start now

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think its easy to make friends.
    When you meet new people you call them up to hang out,get to know them, invite them to events you would love to attend together, from all these you will know who truly wants/need your company...you can invite them to movie at your house,or the cinema, a little party,form activities to reduce boredom of not having much to gist. Talk about things you all have in common & make merry out of it(it doesn't have to cost much)
    You can actually keep your very personal life out of it,after all what you let out is what they will take. All you need is gist about trending topics, fashion, relationship patterns,politics, making money etc
    Personally I love my space,I love quietness,but I like to really go out & have a nice time, I like to gist & laff indoors with one or two friends,you don't have to always keep to yourself all your life.
    You can mix with anybody even if they are not your level/class,its all fun as long as you use you tongue to count your teeth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can I be your friend? ?😒

      Delete
    2. I love my space and quietness too. I also don't like to be coerced into things. I have always avoided groups.

      Delete
  9. Stella honestly, I enjoy my own company more than any thing.Who friends epp

    ReplyDelete
  10. My older brother has been away for a long time now. His childhood friends came into the country and they came to greet the family as per looking out for our guys family.. They are grown up men today but started out as boys who grew up playing football who built and believed in friendship.. Even when away, when there are weddings or funerals the family members here attend to represent their sons who are away. Or was it when they assisted themselves financially when they were still hustling.
    Friendships are good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Men seem to be better at meaningful relationships amongst themselves.

      Delete
    2. That's because men are less likely to sleep with their friends' girlfriend or wife due to spite or jealousy.

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything

      Delete
  12. I am on this table, oh my God help me,I don tire for myself

    ReplyDelete
  13. I was like you, but I worked on it.

    What I did was to put a reminder on phone to call or chat my friends. Twice a week or atleast once a week. I also made it a duty to visit them occasionally on weekends, attend their events(go on time to help out with preparation).. It was a deliberate act at first and difficult, but after a while, I loosened up and became very comfortable talking to my friend/s..

    I don't have a lot of friends but the few I have are so good to me and I'm grateful I have them.

    ReplyDelete
  14. It’s not a must to keep friends. I don’t have friends, my husband is my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  15. For most Nigerian women friendship means gisting and gossiping everyday, with some group/clique/herd mentality which is not me so I don't keep many friends. Luckily for me, the few I have are as busy as I am. We don't talk daily but when we do, it's hours. And we go back to business. I don't have a single gossipy-envy all the time friend. And I'm quick, cut a sistah off, so don't get comfortable..

    ReplyDelete
  16. Enter your comment...i don't have friends,,and it disturbs me alot.just office,mall and church,,

    ReplyDelete
  17. This is so me and I don't see anything wrong with it. when I get to hear what people went through via friends. it gives me the strength to stay away from friends lol

    ReplyDelete
  18. My own is that I get bored easily.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Discernment is needed to make friends
    There are loyal , value adding friends that stick closer than a brother

    However to get friends
    You have to be a friend yourself
    Pray about it( the right ones to come your way)
    Be friendly
    Show concern

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dear Poster, you could be my double! I swear you sound just like me. I always believed myself to be odd until I read this article on how our "parental relationships" affect how we view relationships in general. I grew up pretty quick as both my parents sort of made me their confidant but it felt like they were always pulling me in different directions. They still do it. So as I grew older, friendships, relationships in general, seemed like a lot of work and way too burdensome. I would make a friend today and I might really love the person but with time, I'd find myself withdrawing until I won't want to see the person again. It affected my marriage, that is relationships with my laws; my relationships with my peers and such. Surprisingly, the only two really close friends I have, I've had them since Uni days. The others... well... Now that I understand "why" I am the way I am, (and believe me I have read a lot of books; fasted and everything so I understand your struggle) I approach relationships differently. I am a little more open. I choose my friends more carefully and I don't jut dive in. I have two at the moment that I do not intend to loose NO MATTER WHAT. A guy and a girl. I'm working on myself bit by bit. It's hard for people who do not have problems adjusting socially but for those us who live with this problem everyday, it's a task. A real task. Start with understanding you. Your story could be different from mine. Then work your way from there. In my experience, "enjoying ones company alone' can sometimes be a way of escaping something. I could send you the article if you're interested. Just reply under my comment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd like to read it, though I'm not the poster. People call me room and parlour.

      Delete
    2. Can I also have, pls send to me e-copy

      Delete
    3. @anonymous 17:01. now this is me. I was my mom's confidant and my father's judge growing up. I grew up way too fast and had to hold a lot for people emotionally.

      the weight of it could be crushing but I like to think that is what I am called to do. I can categorically say each 'friend' I have met have been a blessing to me and VV but keeping it... nah

      kindly share the article please. I know the negative aspect of this especially when I get to marry someone... Hmmm poor guy would probably be choked with too much love or no love at all hence me seeking help now!

      Delete
  21. I love making friends but been so unlucky with them. They tend to ride on d fact that I love checking up on them. My uni friend that we were besties, infact we won award for longest besties in yr4. After she got married she just changed. Its 9 years she got married now but ive never visited her in her home.Not that I dont want to but each time I want to theees always one excuse or the other till I left Lagos. Even Wen I visit lagos and I call her up next thing she doesnt pick calls again or reply text. I dont even bother again. We chat whenever she chats me up sha.
    I made 2 friends here on sdk sha and they are LOVELY ladies😘😘

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pele. Most ladies tend to treat their friends that way once they get married.

      Delete
    2. Waooooooooo some one did that to me too

      Delete
  22. All of u without friend should form friends association nd be friends with d poster,let start from dere

    ReplyDelete
  23. I once tried making friends but it was exhausting. It was all gossip from her end. She gossips and I just couldn't take it anymore. That I started seeing everyone in a bad light except her for she had one or two bad things to say about everyone. It was more like she wanted me as a friend for herself only so she badmouthed everyone.

    The other issue is that any friend I have tries to sabotage my other friendship and they try to limt my friendship to them alone. How can I be friend to only you while you have lots of friends? I got tired and stayed on my lane.

    Another one is, a case of "your best friend also have another best friend. My friend is also a friend to another person so I have to be careful of what I reveal and it's stressful. I realise most of the thing strangers knew about me was thanks to my friend who sees nothing wrong in answering questions about me asked by others. I am private to a fault so when people who aren't my friend knows about my profession, age, my marital status because they are your friend then you have to go.

    Poster it's not a must to keep friends. A lot of people will say "how come you don't have friends?" but they will never tell you the bad side of keeping friends.

    Come to think if it, how many people really have friends? Just acquaintances who they have out with once in a while, but real friends, who really does. They can go 360 on you in an instance, and you always have to be on your toes.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Friendship takes sacrifice, patience and commitment. You have to be intentional to sustain one. If you're a one track mind kinda person who doesn't know how to multitask, then doing life (that gets busier by the day) and sustaining friendship (calling, visiting, being a shoulder and a listening ear, generally being there because you want to), might not be easy for you.

    If you're so bothered about it, then you have to make deliberate efforts to keep one.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Poster you alone can make a change towards your attitude. No one will force friendship on you, he that want to make friends he must . friendly before someone can think of becoming your friend.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I have no friend at all.
    I don't even greet my neighbors at all not to talk of respond to their greeting or that of their children cos I feel they may mistake it for friendship. Friend or no friends life must to go on

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's not nice. You never can tell the day you will need the help of your neighbours. At least greet.

      Delete
  27. I have few friends and the ones I have are very loyal friends. We became friends from university and been friends for about 20years. Infact our kids call themselves cousins. Coming to adulthood it’s so hard having true friends. In all I try to go out of my way for my office colleagues, though I know they wont do the same for me. However it’s good to be friendly and kind. Adulthood friendship is hard .

    ReplyDelete

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