STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HOT SLAP
I think I am ready to end my marriage. On Saturday, my husband and I had an argument over something that would have been a non issue on a normal day and without provocation(God bears me witness that I did not attack him verbally with insults or physically), he slapped me repeatedly.
This is unforgivable because I am 5months+ pregnant.
Even though it has never happened before and he was under the influence of alcohol, that is not an excuse. I have told him I dont think I want to continue in this marriage and he has been begging.
He even swore with a bible for God to take his life by accident if he ever hits me again. He has been a good husband and father before this event and I dont know if I should give him another chance because he hurt me badly.
DV is a no no for me and its not something I grew up witnessing with my parents so I have Zero tolerance for it.
*Your hubby got drunk and slapped you and has sworn that God should take his life if he does it again?Madam you should not have even allowed him swear because under the influence he will not remember
Sometimes,the first slap is just the beginning......
Sometimes,the first slap is just the beginning......
“He was under the influence”, what it means is that he just needs to get under this influence whenever he wants to hit you so he can get away with it.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, the ball is in your court. If you claim you have low tolerance for something, you wouldn’t be here seeking advice because majority will definitely ask you to stay since you have stated clearly that it has happened only once. Hopefully, if it ever happens again you’d be alive to come and share with us. Married people with 100 years experience should be able to guide you accordingly. All the best!
Seriously babe, you can't know it all. You always feel we are waiting for your opinion. And you ensure you must come give it to us hot hot on every chronicle.
DeletePls you sound so ignorant it renders me mopping and then I burst out laughing.
It's a faceless blog, chill with your great wisdomic opinions doppelganger. You almost always miss the point. Ciao.
Yes @ Doppelganger I will advice her to stay, we all make mistakes.
DeleteMadam pls forgive him since is his 1st but if he tries it again DIVORCE him straight up.
Forgive but warn him. Pregnancy causes anger issues too
DeleteI agree with Lily simple, I'll just add that you get him to stop drinking since that was what influenced him. Let him choose between you and alcohol. Then pray for him and cancel the curse. But make it very clear that any day he drinks alcohol that you are out!!!
DeleteHe wont stop drinking. Next time it will be more than a slap, he will keep swearing and keep testing you to see how much of abuse you can tolerate. I have been there and I finally left but wish I left earlier
DeleteHmmmmm
DeleteMany men in naija have this violence trait in them. It's like a norm because of society and environment.
Even Nigerian parents batter their kids how it pleases them, even in adulthood.
I stopped at a mechanic sometime in march last year to fix something in my car and was shocked with what I saw. A full grown man supposedly in his 30s was kneeling down and the oga was flogging him on his ass.
I wept. I waited for the show to be over before approaching the so called oga and he said the boy didn't take in some work materials and rain messed them up. Told him what the guy did was wrong, but he shouldn't be flogging a full grown adult.
He was like *icho ka umuazi a la niyi* (u want this kids to spoil?). Told him which kid? He went on rambling about the worst things he endured while doing his own apprenticeship
That was when it dawned on me that it was a cycle!
Majority of them make noise on social media, but still do this shit in their homes.
The day my colleague's wife confided in me that he sometimes beats her up, I almost fainted! This guy is one of the best in human rights activism in my office (I am a lawyer).
I am not telling this to suggest you stay back poster (cos I don't know what to say as per advice)
I am just using this as an opportunity to voice my thoughts on how this madness is a cycle that is still deeply rooted in our society and majority of the people screaming blue murder for it are still doing this shit/enduring this shit in secret.
May God help everyone
Anon 15:22, 1 + 1=11. You must really think you’ve said something profound. At least now I know you’re a fan because why else do you still read my comments since they are not “great wisdomic opinion”. Next time, learn to jump and pass my comments o.
DeleteWhy is this dopple always angry nowadays. Did someone here annoy her. Always an angry beaver. Take life easy abeg. Advice on chronicles always sounding bitter. And she must always respond.
DeleteAs a man, who to a certain extent understands the psychology of men. If it was one slap, i'd say stay and wait it out, it might not be a thing. But it was repeatedly done, thats a different animal altogether and you are pregnant?!!! Nigga had been holding it in for a while. HE WILL HIT YOU AGAIN. Its not a taboo to him, from this point, advice yourself.
DeleteMarriage is overrated abeg
DeleteWhy not leave Doppelganger and face the chronicle? I have noticed that anon always complaining when Doppel posts. I thank God Doppel no dey send una. I usually miss her comments when she is away busy. Make una leave Doppel, we like her like that. It is ok for people to have contrary views. She did not abuse anyone and she has every right to comment. Tankio!
Deleteplease leave doppel alone. Some of us love to see her comments. Everyone cannot be rubbing your head or trying to kiss your ass.If you don't like her comments, just jump and pass. Leave her alone!!!!
DeleteMadam, I know you wil not leave so I will tel you this only this one time.
DeleteCounseling!!!!
Do not do the ‘forgive and let go’ thing that We Nigerians do. Well, that is if you want your marriage to be peaceful and happy going forward. Because if you do? 3 years or less down the line, it will happen again and he will be drunk too. Or when any hardship comes, he will turn to alcohol and use that excuse to batter you!!
Put your foot down! Keep that anger burning and let him agree to go for couples therapy as your only condition to continue the marriage.
Oh and by therapy. I do not mean go to your pastor. Please find a licensed marriage counselor. There are a couple popular ones in Lagos now and I have heard of their wonderful work.
Anon 17:55 You are so right. Violence is sadly a defect that many Nigerian men turn to when things dont go their way. That and calling women ashawo. It's like they secretly hate women. Even as bad as bolt or uber drivers getting physical or abusive with female passengers to prove one rubbish point to their manhood or what? I experienced it for the first time on Friday. Luckily for me I ended the trip before it turns physical and the guy use his frustration and bad market to spoil my weekend or harm me. The guy con dey order me to get out of his car ontop say I wan quietly and neatly eat popcorn for his car n he didnt want me to eat. Only in naija bolt driver will say u cannot eat. When someone is almost dying of hunger?? Na wa. I've never heard of such. I don't get embarrassed esp when I know I'm in the right so if that was his plan, then he failed. Lol. I made sure to report his dumbass to bolt and they have suspended the guy. Very vile, bad mouthed creature. Men like him hate women and are waiting for every opportunity to run to blogs to say one woman was rude to him. Frustrated beings
DeleteSorry about the slap, I wont tell you to leave now, u can leave when it becomes consistent, when a man/woman is drunk, avoid them, they can stab you n claim drunk.
ReplyDeleteI think you should punish him for a while so he will know how serious you are.
DeleteLet him just set his face so you can give him two hot slaps... That would teach him never to do it again🤣
He shouldn’t have slapped you like that in your condition. What if you passed out or something had happened to your pregnancy? No matter what you did or said to him, he shouldn’t have done that.
ReplyDeleteSince he’s been an amazing husband and father, please forgive him and give him a second chance.
If it happens again, you have every right to walk away.
In her condition you said.So he can slap her repeatedly if she isn't pregnant.It is well
DeleteDamabiqs...you and comprehension are enemies, I swear.
DeleteMechionu damabiqs.una go dey find trouble where there's none.she spoke well
DeleteResponding to some of you is a total waste of time. I feel like I let my self down doing that.
DeleteYou are entitled to whatever meaning you read to my comment damabiqs.
😂😂😂😂
DeleteBlackBerry let's have a drink .
Slutty 😘😘😘😘😘
Madam it's like you have made up your mind to lewve your marriage.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to leave, fine and if you want to stay, all well and good. We are not there with you. The decision is solely yours.
I'm just wondering the "normal thing " you said to a man under the influence of alcohol that resulted to a hot slap.
Get out of here Don, I hope you are tough like this in real life... Egocentric As*
DeleteI absolutely detest you. you are incapable of empathy, egocentric, narcissistic, every time you wish someone bad or make light of their situation, I pray you’re thrown into worse situation, can’t wait for it to come through, let’s al be wicked in our thinking and dealings. Ekwensu!
DeleteEven if she was rude, slapping her is wrong please. We at different points of our life have been rude to someone older or superior and didn't get slapped how much more when its your better halve. DV is all shades of wrong. NOTHING ON EARTH JUSTIFIES IT.
DeleteYou're becoming so irritating here you this so called don, your comments are a reflection of who you are, an evil stupid boy. Just like the anonymous said, I hope you're this tough in real life. Tufia!
DeletePoster I will advise you give him a second chance,I understand how you feel ..He has been a good husband to you before now.please forgive him God bless your home.
ReplyDeleteI'd let Sluttychic advice you.
ReplyDeleteI'm out.
She has advised her already. .
Delete😂
I sha told my husband that the day he raises his hands to hit me will be the end of our marriage.
ReplyDeleteNoise. Na your type dem dey carry do carpet for house. You go come here dey boast to ghosts.
DeleteYimu.
DeleteEasier said than done!
And the day you run your tap-mouth is the day he will throw you to the streets.
DeleteNa them..... be there making mouth.
Delete😂😂😂.. Yinmu..
DeleteIt is good to be telling them ooo, than keeping quiet like mumu, so they know you are not likely to take bad behavior lying down. It will be a deterrent for some.
DeleteSorry Ma'am. Kpele.
ReplyDeleteI have Learnt not to Give advice in Marital issh, cos there is no Manual for Marriages and it is not a " 1 size Fit all. So Just do what will make you sleep well at Night.
Best of Luck in whichever Decision You take.
👌👌👌. Words on marble 'there is no manual for marriages and it is not a 1 size fits all'
DeleteAnon, where do I send your carton of malt to?
Was he still drunk when he was swearing on the Bible? And you allowed him? Or is widowhood hungrying you?
ReplyDeletePeople need to understand that swearing is a sin, not to talk of swearing with the bible. I advice that you and your husband start praying againt those negative things he said while swearing. May God heal the hurt you are feeling. sorry
DeleteSo youre saying she should pack her bags and leave??
DeleteAre you waiting for us to tell you not to end the marriage park out na
ReplyDeleteSorry poster. We all know you are not going anywhere! Atleast not this first time!
ReplyDeleteWarn him seriously and inform important peeps in your marriage of this development.
Have it at the back of your mind that he will do it again.
But start planning for the next incidence.
Fix your finances, make sure you have savings that can pay rent, pay school fees, feed and cloth you and your kids comfortably for 1 year minimum without assistance when shit gets real next time!
Don't ever inform him again you will leave if he hits you. Keep it to yourself. Taking him unawares next time will be to your advantage.
That is if you have it in plan to leave with your kids.
Just start putting boss moves in place for eventuality.
Pele ooh. Please take care of yourself to avoid developing Pre-eclampsia because of high blood pressure.
Hugs
*sighs*
ReplyDeleteplease forgive him and move on.. if u leave jst cause a slap,then d next gives u a slap.. na ten husband u go marry before your time on earth expires
ReplyDeleteWho is or are Mary and Martha's husbands?
DeleteWhat a shallow response
Delete@Anony 15:28, Really? Just wooow? Can't believe I just read this....Kai....women and marriage by all means...
DeleteI have been married for years and no one has slapped me so what are you saying? Do you think all men are violent? I don't know the kind of men you've met o
DeleteSo a Nigerian men are abusers? Wow !!!!
DeleteLeave him. Slap is usually the first step. How are sure he wouldn’t be under the influence again? Prevention is better than cure.
ReplyDeleteDV is never a good thing and no man should ever hit a woman no matter the circumstances
ReplyDeletenot to talk of a pregnant women.
Mmmmmhhhh, so this man was drunk and slapped you without...?"
Eziokwu?😮😮
Never vouch for or believe the words or actions of a drunk person
But never vouch for or believe the words or actions/behavior of a pregnant woman
I don't mean any insult here (make ndi uta). All I am saying is that during pregnancy
you may not know when you run your mouth (if you do not live a life of discipline through fasting
before the pregnancy). I've been there -fasting before taking in and knowing the difference... 😊😊
All I can tell you Sisi is this, tell your husband that "swearing with a bible" won't cut it, but
living according to the biblical teachings of Jesus (in that case, you take the first step).
Since alcohol is the culprit (which I don't think he suddenly began drinking during marriage), let
him drop alcohol once and for all. Tell him that you want both of you to
read at least a chapter of that bible, especially the New Testament, every morning and pray
before he leaves the house. Yes, that that's your condition to know that he means not to
land hot slap on you again. if you don't take this steps, mmmmhhh, that red pen up there
may mean we should expect the second, third and, and... don't offload him o.
Ekwuchakwa m -I don yarn finish.😘😘
Make I show you one of those verses to show him;
Ephesians 5: …28In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. 29Indeed, no one ever hated his own body, but he
nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. 30For we are members of His body.…
Why do you need advice for this kind of a thing in the first place. If can't afford to receive another slap in the future, take a bow and leave.
ReplyDeletePlease pardon him, for the sake of God Almighty. Your hubby askd for forgiveness, plus 4give.Also what brought up this argument that made him slap you playing avoid it. Also you two should always pray TOGETHER, for couples who pray together, stay together. God bless you and happy pregnancy journey and safe delivery when due. E go be ✌
ReplyDeleteOkay, one slap i can say it's the drunken state but repeatedly?
ReplyDeleteJust how drunk was he?
Arguing with him knowing he was under the influence was not a smart move but his action is inexcusable.
If the table was turned and it happened to me just like you detailed, i wouldn't leave just yet. There's always room for forgiveness for a first time offense. But that's just me, i don't know bout you, sis. 🙂
@Perxian
DeleteCorrect yarns.
No offloading.
You don commot ya profile picture?
Next now, you go commot ID? 😮😮
Wise words!
DeleteANG Baibay, Google account acting up and signed me out. Lol, i ain't commot anything. 😊
DeletePretend u r done with d marriage, leave for about three months let him beg call his whole village of family n friends to beg you before you go back n make sure u give him conditions. If he doesn't beg then good riddance. A friend of mine left d hubby for 6 months just bcos of a slap n its been 8 yrs of no violence at all. If he lays his hand on u again after DAT run without looking back
ReplyDelete@Abortionist
DeleteYour name says it all, always aborting everything; babies, marriages, abort, abort.
You want her to leave for 3 months and let the alcohol loving husband knock up plenty
girls before she returns?
Three months is enough to fill plenty tummies with babies and then your advice will
be, abort all of them? 😮😮😮
How else do you complicate an already intricate situation?
😮😮😮😮😮
Same solution I would proffer. I would even suggest you stay away until you put to bed. Let him handle the kids and cool down within that period so the loose bolts in his head can be corrected.
DeleteMy first reaction was to sigh to this chronicle.
ReplyDeleteI work in a liquor store and I take many bullshit from customers who are tipsy, not because I can't quit (which equates to divorce) or because I dey do 'customers is always right' (after a degree in Philosophy I don't believe that they way it is misused). I hang on because I know alcohol alters the senses.
And I give these customers shit sometimes too. I don't do it because my uncle owns the place but because "To live is to find a balance". Gandhi was a pacifist, but he knew when to add some pepper
Do you have a mother figure? Have you spoken about this with them?
Many people be shouting leave, divorce, this that, it's easy putting down words. I tell you eh, the reality of life is difficult to navigate.
I will stop cos I am a lazy fellow who hates typing long epistles
Aaaaah but this your comment long naaa lol!
DeleteBut sure made some valuable point.
@poster. I know that many persons would tell you to leave your hubby,but pls, don't!....like you said,he's been a good hubby to you before,so why don't you hold on to that & hash things out with him?
ReplyDeleteMarriage ain't a bed of roses, that's why people are advised to seek God's face concerning their partner before marriage,& also continue in prayers while married.Pls,Have you been praying for your hubby & your marriage?...don't you know dat d devil is out to ruin marriages & you want to give him a hand by walking out of your marriage becos of a mere slap??...have you worked on your marriage (both spiritually & physically),before you decided to call it quits?..I can never quit my marriage becos of a slap & I won't advise you to.pls wake up in the midnight & pray concerning your marriage!!!....
when ladies are single,they know how to pray & cry to God for marriage.But once they get married(thinking everything has been settled),they forget God & begin to enjoy the world.Pls,carry your cross & fight your marital battle yourself!
Hmm. I absolutely hate anything that threatens the sanctity of marriage, and that's why I hate hearing stories like this. My dear start saving for a rainy day because you and I know that you are not going anywhere and oga will not stop. If I were you, I will move out to stay with my parents for a few months. I will then get him to sign an undertaking that he will never lay his hand on me and that he will quit alcohol. I will also demand he pays 'compensation' so I will at least have some financial buffer. I truly wish you the best but this does not bode well for the future.
ReplyDeleteAnd who says he will not stop? Please stop making marriage look like child's play, where you can leave at any provocation. The young man in question has apologised, he should be given a benefit of the doubt. No be only undertaken...
DeleteWell, one thing you should have at the back of your mind now is that your husband has a wicked side to him, alcohol doesn’t give new behaviors, it amplifies existing ones. Hitting a woman who is pregnant shows a man that is wicked and violent; he may have controlled himself thus far but if you let this one slide easily, he could let himself loose and he’ll hit you whenever he has the urge to - alcohol or no alcohol.
ReplyDeleteI will advise you raise a much dust as possible on this one instance, e.g reporting to family, taking a break from living together, enforcing a condition to living together (like quitting alcohol) etc; you will know better what you can do. I will also advise after this to forgive him and continue the marriage, but by then he will understand that the next one sees you out of the marriage.
On the other hand, reflect also on your words before the incident. Consider if you said something you shouldn’t have said, if so, also refrain from such going forward.
Poster go this advice
DeleteThis and prayer
DeleteAccepting Christ
This is spot on
DeleteNo one is perfect, we all make mistakes so forgive him this one time and stay in your marriage!
ReplyDeleteon a normal day? does it mean your husband stays at home and drink to the point of getting drunk....work out your issues
ReplyDeleteI would advise you give him a second chance since he has been a good husband. Though domestic violence starts just like this, give him the benefit of doubt. It might be difficult but please don't condone any form of abuse the next time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, he needs to stop getting drunk and then coming home to hit you, let him know that he needs to stop asap.
At this your condition, you need all the love and attention not slap and any other forms of abuse. Be safe dear, sending you lots of love and kisses.
Aren’t you a Christian to forgive.
ReplyDeleteI tire oh.
DeleteAfter all the holy book says if someone slaps one cheek, turn the other.
But the holy book did not state what happens after the other cheek ooo. It could result in death for both parties
DeleteForgive, forgive, forgive.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteMadam, I understand your situation but I don't think u should quit ur marraigm yet.
ReplyDeleteIn my first year of marriage, I and my husband had a hot misunderstanding and he slapped me. Just like ur's, he pleaded and pleaded with me that it wouldn't happen again. True to his words, this is 10years later, He hasn't hit me again. He has been a wonderful father and the best husband anyone could ask for.
I'm not asking u to entertain Dv, I'm saying give it time. If it was a mistake, it won't happen again and then u can make a decision.
If he is a good man as u said, then don't lose him because of a "mistake".
It's not easy to raise a child alone
Please give him a second chance. Hopefully he sticks to his promise. But if he ever try to hit you again, then it's time to leave.
ReplyDeleteur husband just committed suicide. unless you leave him
ReplyDeletebecause he will get drunk again, he will slap you again and god will kill him. get ready to become a widow, else you take all his bad behaviour without argument
since he had sworn,why did u bring the issue here?
ReplyDeleteThe second time may be your last time on this earth. You are also pregnant and more prone to blood pressure and other such things. If you must stay please inform your siblings and both your parents, your closest friends (people who will go out of their way to investigate should (Godforbid) anything bad happens to you and you’re not there to tell your story)
ReplyDeletePeople on this blog often guilt people for saying “leave a bad marriage” but the reason we value marriage in Nigeria is simply because it’s valued. That’s all. It’s a sacred institution but it’s not the only way to live to please God. If you must stay, please have it chronicled with relatives and have him sign an undertaking. Act as crazy as you must: he slapped you and continued, that’s like a baby lion (cub) who tastes blood and keeps going for more. Ask them if they’ve ever seen a black man slap a white woman on tv or anywhere in their lives. Mistakes they never make with white women they feel free to make with us
❤️ correct comment.
DeletePlease, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR MARRIAGE!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby hit my in our third year of marriage, he pleaded and promised NEVER TO HIT ME AGAIN. This is our 19 years and he never hit me.
Please FORGIVE!
Just let your famiky know and if you have able brothers, let them roughen him a bit to scare him, so he won't think or dare it under the influence of even PURE WATER. How can a grown man slap his own pregnant wife and blame alcohol? It means he is not mature enough to be a man and married. Can a drunk man slap himself? His wife is his flesh, so why slap her. It is not acohol but a hidden nature which if not TAMED, will repeat it again. But once he knows the family knows and has been CAUTIONED by his fellow men, he will discipline himself.
ReplyDelete