Thursday, March 05, 2020
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ReplyDeleteI am currently watching a movie set in the ‘60s, and one beautiful woman there was a housewife, but that’s not the point. She wanted a whole lot more, but I don’t think she ever realized that what she wanted was to do something that will earn her her husband’s respect. The guy ‘loved’ her, in his own way but was more in love with the fact that he had an awesome eye candy by his side at occasions. Had it been the woman wasn’t dissatisfied, it would have been the ‘perfect match’, but she wanted her husband to respect her and not be so dismissive, just like he was with other ‘attractive’ women he met in the course of his business.
DeleteThat movie gave me an insight into exactly how that situation is, for both man and woman. People should marry those with whom they are on the same page wrt things like this, it’s bad when done otherwise.
Men need to continue to emphasize this because it’s a very serious problem in most African countries. How can a man, meet a lady in college, studying medicine or law. He dates her and proposes in her final year. Lady graduates, weddings completed and dude says lady should stay at home.
DeleteGood job Yul. Continue to say it so people like Caesar will hear. Caesar will not let his wife work because he is thinks she is under him. Caesar will not even trust his wife’s boss.
Well said...
DeleteSo apt! Imagine the one who married a Doctor but expects her to become a stay at home mum. So wrong! Marry those whose wants tally with urs. There are loads of women who would absolutely love to stay home. Go for those. There is nothing wrong with that!
ReplyDeleteMy story.He married me a doctor and wanted me to stay at gone.not as if he is so rich.why marry a doctor when u feel intimidated?
DeleteJust imagine. There are actually wome that don't want to.do anything like my sister. Marry that type if you like stay at home wife. Don't come and marry my type and be forming boss thinking you gonna be ordering me to stay at home.marry your type and let everyone have peace.
DeleteLadies dodge insecure men
DeleteGbam!
ReplyDeleteGbamer!!
Gbamest!!!
He is correct but he’s beginning to talk too much. No week passes without him dropping a line.
ReplyDeleteWhy not ignore the lines
DeleteLast time I checked, Mr. Baritone voice was talking to you. And yes he made a very valid point.
DeleteWhy are you pain Anno 12:24 so he shouldn't talk again ni. Or is it your phone and data.smhhh
Deletetalk too much how? his page his talk..nobody forces anyone to read. imagine
DeleteYou no talk, problem
DeleteYou talk, problem
Odiegwu ooo
Gbam!!!
ReplyDeleteGbam!
ReplyDeleteTrue.pls where is chi exotic olori beloved chikito iphie dearie
ReplyDeleteGbam! I support Yul on this! I have a friend who the husband wants her to stay at home! My friend is an NCE holder if my friend gets job,Oga go say NO,if my friend wan do business,Oga go say NO! We wanted to open a restaurant together, Oga say NO,say na Ashewo business be that! Na so Oga buy grinding machine make my friend dey grind pepper for house. My friend say NO that is not the kind of business she wan do! Oga break bottle wan stab my friend, na so she run for her life,leave the marriage! She is doing well now, has a good business, building a house in Abuja, she ran and didn't look back. Am so proud of her after 18yrs of useless marriage my friend is happy,glowing and a successful business woman! Some men can kill a woman's life! Some men no be am!!!!
ReplyDeleteLooooooooooooooooooooool. Jesos! Grinding machine kwa? Imagine. Destiny killer
DeleteA whole 18years of marriage. wawu
Deleteimagine....when i started reading i just said this one na abuser till i read he broke bottle..they do that to put you under there control so they can oppress you. thank God she left to build her life. me i cannot stop my job for any marriage oh. i try to make sure my home doesnt suffer in terms of stuff expected from mummy or wifey so i dont know the excuse hubby will use to say let me remain home 24/7
DeleteMaking sense
ReplyDeleteSo on point. Thanks SDK for the data.
ReplyDeleteData well recieved. Thanks a lot Stella.
ReplyDeleteGbam
ReplyDeleteSame thing goes for men who want a "deeper life" looking lady. Then they will go and marry a "coza" looking lady and be forcing her to change. If you know what you want, go to where you can find it and pick from there. Don't go to the opposite side to pick then you'd come and frustrate and torture someone's daughter in the name of forcing her to submit.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, very correct. Go for what you want from the beginning. Men shey una dey hear? Me wey be career woman make one man come marry me open shop or stay at home, no matter his money , that fulfillment wont be there. i love earning my dough
Delete"deeper life" and "COZA" gat me. My ribs wan break oooh.
DeleteNothing but facts!!! How many of us will enter boutique to buy green shoe and hope that by the time you want to rock for that wedding on Saturday, it will become red. Much less human being.
ReplyDeleteWhile I subscribe to the notion that people change, I believe that it is not your prerogative to change them. My elder brother has always been a traditional man to the core. The type that is used to reading paper on the dining table while waiting for the women in the house to serve him.
The tin used to pain me ehn. One time laidat during my service year, I travelled from Calabar to Yenegoa by road. It was a long and exhausting trip. I got home by 10pm (bus broke down). Mum had gone for vigil so it was just dad and big bro at home. These guys (daddy set follow) asked that just entered the house to make plantain porridge. I cried as I cooked.
This is the kind of person my bro is. So, fast forward 2years later, mum arranged one sweet village girl for him to marry. She was pretty and smart but a secondary school drop out. She was age appropriate, spoke both English and Ijaw but my brother was looking for spree spree spree speakers. My mother kukuma commot mouth sharp sharp.
A month later, brotherly brought home this Ogoni beauty. Smart, confident and very savvy...My kinda girl. We were happy for him but me and my mum had secret conversations about their compatibility but we kept it to ourselves.
Year one of marriage, brother was sneaking home to eat food almost every evening. Year 2 SIL was bitterly complaining about how demanding and bossy he is. I tried to pacify her. Year 3, brother was giving ultimatum for SIL to have babies or pack out. For ove 3 months, SIL was staying with me in Lagos.
It was mad and all of us were suffering for their marriage. After SIL got her 3rd degree, she finally gave in to motherhood. It has been 13 years now but they are still going strong. They have had to fight for everything in their marriage but they learned to compromise.
My brother learned to go to market and cook occasionally. SIL does it when she can. But she also gave up her dream to work for a multinational company in Ireland. I wish she went sha but na compromise. Moral lesson: cut your spousal expectation according to your vision.
Ten Q
Ten Q my dear aunty.
DeleteThe BudgetMom, Ten Q, same reason I said I would not marry a 'typical Igbo man'.
DeleteI was raised in a home where you chase up your dreams and wait on yourself. Nobody serves the other.
Thank u. I reside in festac axis and see them alot. Although I am igbo i dont think marrying a cultural igbo man ll make me happy
DeleteSo inspiring. Marriage has really drained a lot from women. May God strengthen all the women.
ReplyDeleteThat's how I'm frustrated at the moment.
ReplyDeleteMarried someone that we are not just compatible- we want different things and it's causing us so much unhappiness.
He will make a great husband for anyone he is compatible with, and vice versa
I pity us because we are just frustrating each other and getting a divorce in this part of the world for such a reason won't fly
Let's keep enduring each other like that
Singles, please make sure you agree with whoever you want to marry to a great extent eg If you prefer staying at home, don't go and marry someone that is always out partying or if you don't like putting your life on SM don't marry someone that is always posting on SM, etc
These are things to be discussed prior to marriage. I know some well to do men with busy schedules who do not want to marry a career woman, because when they finally get a chance to come home they want the woman to be available to them. Every marriage has its own energy and there is no one formula to making a marriage successful. But these things are to be discussed during the courting stage so everyone knows what is up. And ladies please stop trying to change a man when he already showed you what he was about. Don't take him on because of his wealth or influence when you damn well know you don't agree with his views.
ReplyDeleteSoo true
ReplyDeleteI just broke up from a 10yrs friendship nd relationshp. Am a career woman who loves to go out nd do my job,
But he want à stay at home mum /do business, i had to painfully breakup
My regret is that ,we should av talked about it, rallier on, plus am 34yrs,now nd i want to settle down.
I dont know where to start from or how to start a r/shp again,
D Love, communication, respect were all there.
But being a career woman gives me Joy, am just tired nd confused sometimes ,but i believe its for d best .
Why not send this as a chronicle so you can get varied views?
DeleteEspecially as you said the love, respect and communication was there.
DeleteDid you try to negotiate? Always try to negotiate first, bring your terms and he bring his and pan out a system. Negotiation is a necessary part of any romantic relationship. However, since it did not seem like not even an engagement took place in the ten years and no solid commitment towards marriage then you may not have lost anything. Next time don't let anyone lock you down so long without a clear picture of the future together. Dust up and brush off and put yourself out there on the social scene. Answer every social engagement opportunity to give you the greatest opportunity of meeting someone on your wavelength. You don't have time to sit at home and cry, get on about the business of life and put yourself out there. All the best.
DeleteThat’s how my MIL refers to her son (my husband) as my master. When I newly got married she’ll say “how is your master”. Initially I’ll correct her by addressing my husband with his name until one day I summoned courage and told her the only master I have is God...since then she has been carrying face for me.
ReplyDeleteLike as if her son met me standing with one leg at London Bridge looking to be sold to any bidder abi colonial master. In a nutshell, most of these men Yul is referring to were raised by some low life mums.
If she's Yoruba and used the word oga, I don't think she meant it the way you took it.
DeleteI wrote what I wrote and didn’t mince oga with Master: So don’t come under my post and justify anything: And no we aren’t Yoruba:
DeleteYou Yaraba folks should carry your eye service Oga and be going ooooo.
DeleteNot everyone is Yoruba and not everyone is raised to see men as their lord and master.
Anony 00:16, we know your type. Foolish future MIL/FIL IN FUTURE.
Anony 00:16, Oga kill you there!!!
Delete00:16 Are you the MIL or the poster that wrote what she observed in her MIL?
DeleteSome of you just want to comment as if you must say something:
Ewu!!!
Why the aggression or anger? I am not Yoruba but I have lived with them which was why Ibasked the question.
DeleteMadam, you don't have to be aggressive, life is not that serious. You call Jesus your Master but can't display Christlike behaviour.
As for you other anons, i can see the frustration in your marriages must be serious. Better resolve it than carrying it about everywhere.
DeleteActually seems all the anons are even the same person 🙄
Delete