Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Saturday, March 14, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmmmmm.....







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE


BROKEN ENGAGEMENT IS BETTER THAN BROKEN MARRIAGE...


Good day everyone! I have read lots of stories on domestic violence in marriages and I have decided to share my story. This may be a long read so I advise you bear with me. I sent it as a chronicle yesterday but it didn't deliver. Dunno why.



Over to my story. I am a working class Lady in my late twenties. Beautiful and attractive. I started dating late because I wanted to focus on my career. I met this guy two years ago at a friend's wedding anniversary and we clicked almost immediately. I decided to give relationship a trial since the previous one didn't work out and I am not getting any younger.. 


After several months of asking me out, we started dating early last year. It was a long distance relationship. He lives in Lagos and I live in PH but since that time, he has been trying to work his transfer back to PH so we can be together (his company has a branch in PH.) And he has been complaining that he doesn't like Lagos. The first few months into the relationship was smooth and lovely, I do visit him sometimes when I'm less busy during the weekend. We also talk on phone almost everyday. The problem I had with him then was his talkative nature. Dude can talk 24hrs without stopping and he tells me everything. He is that open with me. He even told me that when he was in uni, he led a cult group, but he later renounced his membership and his parents sent him abroad to complete his studies. 



But I noticed he is too violent and whenever he is angry, or we have a disagreement, he likes using swear words and other stuff like "if I slap you ehn, it's like you want to cry," but I just overlook these things thinking it was just a normal joke. I also do say stuff like that sometimes too jokingly but I am not a violent person. Maybe I didn't really take note of his attitude because it was a long distance relationship and I was in love.



Well, he finally worked his transfer to pH late last year and we got to see each other more often. That was when I saw the demon in him. The first time he slapped me in his house, I thought it was a joke. I saw a girl's nude on his phone and confronted him, his explanation wasn't adding up, we had a heated argument, i called him a hoe and the next thing was "twai" on my face. I was blind for some seconds then I started seeing stars. I couldn't just believe it. I sat down there dumbfounded while he left me and went to his room. I picked up my bag and left, he started calling me that night to apologise. For three days, I refused to pick his calls, he begged and begged and I forgave him.




The second case of dv happened few weeks later, we both attended his friend's birthday party at the club, my bf and his friends were dancing when a guy came and was trying to talk to me, he didn't know i was with my bf. the guy was drunk so I wasn't really paying attention. I was just there sipping my drink. He sat down beside me and was still talking when my bf came and dragged me outside. He started shouting at me and when I tried defending myself, he slapped me and dragged me inside the car and zoomed off. He called me a loosed girl, saying I was leading the guy on that I should have left that place when he was talking, bla bla bla. He later apologized and blamed it on alcohol. He said he was drunk that night. Still, I forgave him.
Well, the beating continued and I was already getting used to it.




He hit me anytime we quarrel. Though he usually apologises. He knows how to cry and beg very well that sometimes I just pity him and accept him back. I lost my self esteem and my pride, I was always doing everything to please him, I turned different men down all because I was in love with a monster! I almost lost my job because there was a day I didn't go to work for three days and missed an important seminar all because of him and I was issued a quarry. The reason I didn't go was because I had a black eye from the beating I received the previous day.


To cut the long story short, he proposed to me on my birthday which was first week of January. I accepted cos he proposed in public. I wasn't too excited and I didn't even post it on social media. After the proposal, he asked me the reason for not posting, I sat him down and talked to him about this issue of dv, I told that if he really want me to marry him, he should never lay a finger on me again else I won't hesitate to return the ring. He agreed and promised to stop. He even swore on his late mum's grave that he would never touch me again. I also told him to stop drinking and smoking, he said he would stop.



That period, he changed for a while and was acting all lovey dovey. He even asked me to move in with him but I refused. He was already pestering me to go see our parents and fix a date, but I was already loosing interest. He reminded me that we are not getting younger anymore and secondly, my mum was already on my neck to get married. So we went ahead to see my parents. We fixed a date for our intro and things were going on smoothly.


The final straw that broke the camel's back happened few weeks ago, we had a little misunderstanding and he stopped talking to me. He even blocked my line. he called me a day to Valentine and told me he would like us to hang out together on Val's day. I told him I wouldn't be free cos I will be on night duty that day. I told him that if he had told me earlier, I would have looked for someone to cover up for me. He started complaining that I'm choosing my work over him, he is not important, bla bla bla. I told him I will make up for it the next day which was on Saturday. When i discovered he was still angry, I told him I'll look for a way out to be with him that night.



 But I was very busy that night, nobody to cover up for me and I couldn't just leave my work like that. I called him and told him the situation of things, he got angry and ended the call. I went to his place from work the following morning after handing over my duties at work. He was still sleeping and recovering from hangover he had the previous night. He started shouting at me telling me how I stood him up on Val's day, how I disgraced him, all his friends were with their girlfriends and he was all alone, he said he planned to surprise me that night, he wasted all his money cos of me, he kept on ranting and shouting and when I tried defending myself again, he said I should shut up and not talk when he is talking. I told him that he can't shut me up cos i have heard enough.




 He said I was with someone else that night that's the reason I stood him up. Before I could even say jack, He slapped me and this time around I slapped him back cos I was already fed up. He got really mad, locked the door, pushed me and started beating me. He beat me up to the point that I was so weak and couldn't move. At that point, He tore my clothes and forced himself on me. I wished I was dead, I tried to stop him but couldn't even fight back cos I was so weak. I was so angry and bitter. When he had fully satisfied himself, he went to the bathroom to shower, I was still on the floor lying helplessly. He later came back to apologise, this time around, i was so bitter and mad. I was about leaving but my clothes were already torn. He gave me one of his polo to wear and dropped me off at home.


I couldn't even talk that day. So many things running through my head. He kept on begging saying he was drunk and that he would never drink again. I kept mute. Deep down my mind, I knew it was over. Later that night, I sent him a text that I'm done with him. He started begging again as usual thinking I'll accept him back. He came to my house the following morning but I refused to let him in. He has been begging, all his friend and family members has been calling me to beg. I have already made my decision and not going back. I went to his office on Monday of it to return his ring, he was shocked. 


He reminded me we are supposed to get married by June and we are not getting any younger. I told him I'm no longer interested. His sister has been calling me on phone, crying and begging me to forgive him. I told her I can't marry a rapist and a wife beater. She was shocked when I told her her beloved brother r***d me. She begged me not to tell anyone. I told her I can't keep quiet about it cos her brother is not ready to change. Someone that swore on his mother's grave that he would never touch me again, he ended up doing worse.


Well, I am happy I broke up with him finally and not going back no matter what happens. I blocked him on all social medial handles. I have forgiven him but can't forget all the abuses I suffered in a hurry. I am enjoying my single life once more and I'm happy I didn't continue with the marriage plans. Our intro is suppose to be next Saturday. His dad called me last week and told me to reconsider. He said his son is a changed man now currently undergoing rehab. I bluntly told him I can't and his son should look for someone else. He said his family and friends have started calling him regarding the intro and I shouldn't being shame to the family by turning them down. (His dad is a high profiled man in the society)



 I just ended the call cos it seems they care more about their family name than my own life. I have already lost interest in the whole thing. I cant marry him. At first I thought I could cope but it was just too much.... I won't even pray for my enemy to go through this. We should learn to speak out and stop encouraging dv. We should stop enduring and suffering in silence. 

 I just hope someone going through domestic violence in relationship learns from my story. Broken engagement is better than broken marriage. He won't stop after marriage, and won't change either

95 comments:

  1. You should have ended the relationship from the very first time it happened and saved yourself all this stress. Age is running nowhere. Better to get it right late than jump early into a frying pan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have never been there. The guys that practise DV can beg amd cry for forgiveness. If tou are in love, it makes it hard. Better late than never. At least poster came to her senses.

      Delete
    2. Exactly, I don't know how a guy will slap you the first time and you didn't end it right there..
      You still wait and let the slaps grew onto beating.
      I wonder how girls chill with guys that beat them..

      Delete
    3. Congratulations poster, you tried your best to make the relationship work. You loved him but he refused to love himself and work on himself. Thank you for for loving yourself and saving yourself from future headache. True love will find you soon.

      Delete
    4. Poster,you really went through hell in that relationship. I'm glad you called it off. Make sure you take your time to heal or see a therapist before embarking on another relationship. Pls even if he brings the whole Nigeria to beg never ever take him back.may they good Lord heal your heart and give you a godly man that will forever cherish you.kisses and hugs dearπŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ˜

      Delete
    5. I'm happy you got the will to call the sham off and take a good walk. Many wouldn't have, considering the picture of the kind of family, you painted he comes from.
      You stayed longer though, you should have left after the second altercation. Violence is ingrained in him, so change is hopeless for such a painted character. His attitude is so paltry and cheap - a spoilt brat who thinks he owns you already.

      I wish ladies could date guys long enough (12/18 months) before introducing eachother to friends and families - to ease the pressure from these people when things don't add up.

      Choose to see the flaws in who you are dating than the love, with your head. And decide if you can live through it. But all forms of abuse is off limit, especially battery.

      Delete
    6. Poster get a restraining order!! Yes i am shouting!! That guy is up to no good..

      Delete
    7. I'm surprised, I didn't see SDK's red pen.

      Poster,I'm happy your mind is made up.
      I thank God you didn't lose your life in the process.
      I'm happy you didn't lose your self respect in the process.

      No matter how convincing he may appear to be, please don't go back.
      Men like him don't change.

      You're not getting younger my foot. Is cussing and battering a good thing he should be keeping up with?
      Do not look back. Take your stand and be firm in your resolve, the right man deserving of you will come.


      Delete
    8. RUN AWAY.....IF ANY FAMILY MEMBER CALL YOU AGAIN JUST SUE THEM.

      Delete
    9. Nice one girl. Move ahead. U made d best choice. D guy na bad market

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    10. Every one saying she should have left from the start, what exactly is the point of saying this? She has left. And some of you will be living in hell and still be judging someone who had the courage to walk away.

      Delete
    11. It's really appalling that I didn't see in the post where you got him arrested. I'M SAYING THIS LADIES, ONCE A MAN RAISES HIS HANDS ON YOU, DON'T PLAY IT DOWN, TAKE IT UP AND GET HIM TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON. GET HIM REALLY SCARED - THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE IT STOP, IF YOU STILL WANNA BE WITH HIM. OTHERWISE, JUST LEAVE HIM. IF YOU DON'T DO THE ABOVE, HE'LL KEEP GOING AND GOING AND GOING. IT'S ADDICTIVE LIKE DRUG!

      Thank me later ladies.

      Delete
    12. Do not reconsider or entertain any form of reconciliation. That beast will never change. He has a temper and will only get worse when he maeries you.
      Congrats, you made the right decision. Love will find you again; you deserve better.


      Abroadian BV

      Delete
    13. Hmmmmm

      That is how one idiot that has been disturbing me called me one day to please accompany him to buy perfume. We got to the supermarket and while shopping he brought one yeye cologne. I told him the smell isn't nice in my opinion; next thing the idiot started lamentations of woe that you don't tell a man off that way. I was like how? He said I am even more rude by asking how instead of saying sorry. I said *like seriously?* That one was a bigger offence. Before I could say jack, he was scolding himself out loudly. I just did a quick turn to the next alley, walked straight to the door and that was it. Could even hear his voice at the door. I smh and said a silent prayer of thanksgiving. He later started calling but I just never picked. I was so glad I didn't gbensh him; if not pulling out would have been so hard.

      Delete
    14. Anon 00:35 you're very right. Involving friends and family members does nothing. All they will do is come and beg on your behalf or gossip about your issue and some may even side with your husband sef. I know because it happened to my mother. I was sitting for JAMB and Neco then so all my focus was on my books and I realized late until one night I heard screams coming from my parents' room. I was a bit ashamed so I told noone. It would stop for a few months and then they would have an argument and it would start again even til the time I travelled for studies
      . What finally broke the camel's back was when my mom finally reported him to the police. That was when my dad's eyes cleared and he knew that it wasn't a game anymore. He realized that he could lose everything, his reputation, his job, his career , his good standing among those who admired it. And only THEN did he stop.


      Til today noone knows. The only person I've ever told was a very close friend i met in uni years later who is not Nigerian so I doubt she will see anyone to spread it too. The thing made me lose respect for my dad and fear getting married esp to anyone from my tribe or even this country sef. It has made me so bitter, defensive, aggressive and paranoid in my relationships and that has put a damper on me getting married. I always think the worst of every guy and want to prove to them that I can't be messed with and this attitude and emotional baggage has chased many guys away. Before you know it, they stop talking to me or stop trying only for me to find out that they have moved on to another woman. Even the casual guys that are not ready, they become ready and move on ontop my head tone serious with another girl. It's horrible. most romantic relationships I've had fail due to one badly handled argument or the other, either I started shouting or got aggressive. Never violent sha.

      But self love and self therapy and moving closer to God are helping me overcome it though. When you realize that you're moving from relationship to relationships and they keep ending then you have to take that painful look in the mirror and realize that you need to do some serious work on yourself

      Delete
    15. Lmao 8:03 AFI lamentations of woe. That one is suffering from serious self esteem issues. Many guys are like that. They can't take criticism for a woman and it shows how disgusting that Male entitlement and superiority complex in naija has become

      Delete
  2. God bless you sis. No relationship is worth ur sanity.

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  3. I pray God answers your inner prayers and give you another man who will love you unconditionally come rain or sunshine. Amen

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  4. That guy was a full baggage abeg. I'm glad you dumped his sorry ass

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  5. It is well with you. Take as much time as you need to heal and stop rushing yourself because of age . Age is not going anywhere. Let God give you a good man.

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  6. Congratulations cos I was about to curse you out but since you already gave yourself brain kudos! Please leave that mad man and never go back. 1 more thing, they and watch your back for now, be careful make him no try to harm you.

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    Replies
    1. I totally agree with you. Dear poster,bikonu watch your back

      Delete
  7. I once dated a guy like this. He batters me at the slightest chance he gets. His family is aware but using church to cover up. His mum always call to pray for us. Chai I suffered ooo. I became the neighborhood Laughing stock, pretty babe with black eye all the time, my voice always heard at night when I am crying. Nigga even proposed.
    Chai. They always cry very well and promise change, for where.
    Never stay with such a man, he will ruin your self esteem. I became a ghost, afraid to tell anyone.
    Las las na me give myself brain, run commot. He would have killed me.
    Sometimes when I think about it I just shudder. I can't even imagine myself chopping beating anyhow.
    No man will try that shit with me now, no one
    Like you I am also a strong survivor.
    Don't ever marry him, even if the Pope came to beg you, tell him mba ooooo Daddy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As in they have degree in crying and begging. They will hold ur legs begging and crying when u want to leave.

      Poster, this one u said he's an ex-cultist, pls protect yourself, try and be safe out there. Those people handle rejection in the worst way possible.

      Brings back memories of what I went through after finally deciding to cut off from my cheating, violent, cultist ex boyfriend. Please be safe.

      Delete
    2. Na who no go no know. I was going to tell poster she should have left the first time but I also remember I didn't leave the first time it happened to me. Mine didn't get to that level. Slaps and arm twisting. I was choked one time I think. I left when he threatened to burn my credentials and I had rehearsed how I would destroy his car but I thought about it. That was not who I was and that was it. No amount of begging could bring me back. From then on, I told myself no one would as much as point a finger angrily to my face. Last year, someone tried to hit me and I turned to something even I was scared of. I jacked him, pushed him to the wall and warned him sternly to never try it. I could see the shock in his eyes. I left and never went back upon all the apologies.

      Glad you called it off. No adult has the right to hit another not to mention one you are in a relationship with.

      Delete
  8. Nne, I love you so much. Thank God for giving you the guts and thank you for sharing with us. Don't be pressurized into marriage biko. God makes all things beautiful in his time. I wish you the best.
    xoxo
    ij

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  9. I applaud your bravery. You did get sucked in for a while but thankfully you broke free. Run and don't look back. You need to love yourself so much that no amount of pressure will make you take him back.

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  10. good decision... not some that will wait until dy get killed because of marriage

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  11. You have done well my dear!
    Please don't change your mind no matter what and watch your back.
    Imagine the nonsense!!!
    Mtchewwww!

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  12. Ah. Sorry poster.
    Glad you left at the end of the day.
    Please do not go back. I beg you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. You survived and I am soo proud of you for choosing life and peace. Please drop their family name for them. That is the noose they will hang around your neck for the next 50 years as the beast continues to beat and rape his way through life. Only God knows what killed the mother. When next they mention family name, tell them they should not have raised a rapist and woman beater that would be soiling it up and down.

    Forgive yourself for staying and congratulate and praise yourself for leaving. Giving him back his ring in public was a good thing since he also proposed in public. DON'T KEEP THE SECRET OF HIS ABUSIVE PAST. He has no right to ask you to bear that burden. Let the man carry the shame. Give your reason to those that ask and you can trust. With his history as a cultist and his antisocial antics, you would be believed. Let him not cook up a tale to soil your own good name.

    These kind of men that spend money to surprise a girl them beat her for not showing up- you can tell it was never about the woman but his image. He wanted to use you to shine as a good boyfriend and when it was time to actually be a decent human being and ask you how work went and wether you want him to help you run a bath or massage your neck, he turned into a demon. Even his wicked family reason the same way- image first. You didn't dodge a bullet o. You dodged DEATH.

    You can use daily affirmations to help heal your self esteem but I'm sure the freedom and safety alone will do wonders. I wish you well survivor!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous 16:44, you've spoken well. I agree with you in all but one, and that's the part you mentioned the guys "wicked family". You know in our part of the world a very large majority of families would always defend/protect their own. That's one reason I always ask people not to take seriously the other person's family when they come begging and that's the same reason I don't tell my family EVERYTHING that goes on in my home. Most Families are so protective of their own in our part of the world.

      Delete
  14. Small time they will be writing useless chronicles...why didn't you leave immediately the first slap landed on your face??,,,,I hate seeing chronicles on things you can avoid**Funny thing is,People like you will still go back and marry him.πŸ˜€

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  15. Infact end it at the very beginning. I was with someone and he denying my pregnancy. Saying I shouldn’t come to his house or call anyone around him again.

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  16. Thank God you survived but you really need to be security conscious now. Don't go Solo to any where for now. if possible change house location and be sensitive to the environment. A rapist and a beater is to be feared.

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    Replies
    1. Exactly!!! His type are very violent and then he used to be a cultist.

      Delete
  17. Guy is an idiot. After giving him several chances to get it right, he still messed up..

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  18. Sweetie, I can totally relate.
    Even the rape part.

    I am happy you were able to forgive yourself almost immediately. I forgave myself just last year after 5 years (I beat myself up for the longest time over this). Felt real stupid for giving a mere mortal the go ahead to treat me the way he did.

    Well, both of us have met and have been dealt with by men like that (I can’t really say why the universe decided to send such men our way, maybe some other girl would have committed suicide or murder but the universe knows we are strong women, so let’s toast to this, cheers to strength baby girl).

    You know what we (I have been doing it) should do? Speak up when we are comfortable, teach ‘our younger ones’ (our sisters, friends, neighbors, nieces e.t.c) so they wouldn’t make the same mistakes. It’s like saving a soul from going through torture (our names should be written in the good book because of this).

    This chronicle has taken me down memory lane and I’m smiling as I type this.

    We are strong and beautiful, never again shall we go through this. I love you already without knowing you.

    You’ll miss him, he’ll still contact you but fight it. Do not think of hanging out with him, you might ‘fall in love’ again and trust me girlie, he hasn’t changed nor does he plan on changing anytime soon.

    Pull yourself together... you just dodged a bullet.
    You should go for ‘thanksgiving’ (drown yourself in whatever you enjoy the most, I take chocolate).

    You are fine.
    I love you.



    **May**

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  19. I am shocked that a young lady or any lady could endure any form of violence and accept apologies and tears!

    Parents, please raise your children especially daughters to have dignity and a voice.

    You don't even raise your voice at me not even when I was a little girl in primary school.

    Back when I just started work, I would not let anyone raise their voice at me or bully me. I wonder how those people behave at home.
    Just a couple of weeks ago, a former colleague told me she was raising her daughter to be like me.

    Poster, if I could put my job on the line back then to resist such verbal harassment, why did you put up with such a damaged man?

    There was no need for you to have gone through this beatings at all. You should have ended it the first time he threatened to slap you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A guy has not even touched me and im already out. Shouting at me is a huge problem for me sef. I dont condone you raising your voice at me.
      My husband when he is upset he just ignores you and dat silent treatment will be killing me till i beg him cos my mouth can be sharp too.
      I still prefer it to a man hitting me abeg. As soon as i beg we wld even have sweet make-up sex.

      Delete
    2. Shut it!!! Its not about you. People are different Miss Perfect.
      I feel like whoosing you a hot slap, imagine so sanctimonious

      Delete
    3. 17:45 you just showed you are no different from poster's violent ex-boyfriend.

      If you could react with this much anger on a blog, you obviously won't hesitate to strike with your fist!

      Go tame your emotions.

      Delete
    4. @Anony 17:19,I also would rather have the silent treatment than a hurtful word, raised voice or laying a finger on me.

      Please, nobody should tolerate any form of abuse. The abuser never stops.

      Delete
    5. 18.09 πŸ‘Œ someone getting so vexed over another's comment.

      Delete
    6. Anon 17:19, your mouth can be sharp but you can't stand someone shouting at you. You better watch it. 'Dat sharp mouth dey put person for trouble.' What you don't take don't give. If we follow this principle life would be a lot nicer.

      Delete
    7. Anon 19:51 Don't mind her. Soon she'll send in her Chronicle or her she abused her husbands genitals and now the man wants a divorce. I don't get the reason why people boast with things they should be ashamed to mention secretly not to talk of coming on the Internet to boast about their foolishness.

      Delete
  20. After beating you, he forced himself on you? Kai....such nerve.
    It's good you broke off that engagement.
    You deserve better than that monster.

    Sluttychic.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am proud, very proud of you.
    Do not let no one in his family try to sweet talk you to reconsider. Next time, walk after the first slap. I wish you luck.
    Secondly, do not let anyone pressure you to get married. You are young. I didn’t get married till my mid thirties. The right man will come.

    ReplyDelete
  22. And me dey kinda like this kain one o e dey make me orgasm like mad woman I dey enjoy am wella. But my new guy na akamu na me dey beat am sef

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have deep rooted issues.you need to see a therapist

      Delete
    2. You must be kidding @ na me dey beat am sef πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    3. Sicko! You are sick with a low self esteem probably from an abusive home. Find help!

      Delete
    4. People like you should form a Facebook group so you can meet and marry instead of beating those who don't want it and looking for those who will beat you.

      Delete
  23. Sometime reading something like this makes me feel embarrassed, after all the chronicles we always read here, you still allowed yourself to be used, beaten, humiliated, disgraced in public and finally being raped before you knew that you cannot cope with the monster all in name of age is no longer on your side. The day one guy I was dating laid his hand on me was the day I ended the relationship but I made sure I left him with a mark with my teeth.. No man can beat me up not even insult, because I will not allow it to get to that. All this you curse me, I curse you I don't do it with my partner, before you know it, next thing is beating. It is girls like you that makes all these vagabonds think they can treat babes anyhow and get away with it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A lot of people esd chronicle here without learning anything.
      If they are learning, the level of chronicle e read should have reduced overtime but it's like ladies here read Chronicles as a form of entertaining themselves.

      Delete
    2. Henry, calm down. People are different. The fact that you handle a situation differently doesn't make you superior to the poster. Let's be glad that she discovered herself worth and in a better place right now. I'm sure with that experience she won't make the same mistake again and she'll be able to advise people around her.

      Delete
    3. Judgemental much!! I can bet you're dealing with your own hell.

      Delete
    4. Henny- It's not as easy as you think. She is out, she doesn't need these your smart talk.

      Observer...

      Delete
  24. See the rubbish you put yourself through all in the name of relationship.
    You should have end that situation you out yourself but it's still okay you had the courage to called it off.
    No matter who come to beg you, don't ever think of going back to him.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dear poster, Thank God for you,i like the way you stood your ground and let go of him, I'm against domestic violence no matter what???All the best to you, true love will find you

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  26. Poster I pray to you don't reconsider...ignore all those plead6 on his behalf now..when you enter, nobody will beg you..they will change it for you. They'll say you aren't submissive enough.

    PLEASE Ignore their pleas.. your sanity is not negotiable

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    Replies
    1. πŸ‘. They won't remember their excultist son is a rapist. They'll ask you what you did and remind you of how you can't take away their grandchildren. They'll remind you of how time is still not on your side and how many men don't want single mothers. The family are accomplices.

      Delete
  27. Trust me,they never change.Thank God you left with your life intact.They should go eat their profiled name and all,who cares

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  28. You took too long to call it off which was a big risk.... Dont let any man raise their hand on u, talk u down or make u feel worthless. He cant change, this is who he is. You should have called it off in the first instance but thank God u made it out alife. Lesson for others too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Olomo Olomo, I agree with you that she took too long to call it off, but I'll tell you what, she can't look back and say she didn't give him a chance to change. Also, she came out strong and knows better now.

      Delete
    2. Actually, the best way to change the society is giving these perpetrators a chance to change cos this evil act sometimes stem from poor parentage, hence, the wife beaters see see nothing wrong in their act cos their parents did same.
      I think she did d right thing, giving him a chance and and forgiving him over and over.

      Delete
  29. Poster you are a patient person for waiting that long before you call it off.

    That guy will never change, he will beat you more and more after marriage. The day he will finally finish you no family members will be there to assist you.

    I am very happy you walked away before it will be too late. This his sisters, father, friends calling you are not going to suffer with you, they want to marry him off but you alone will suffer the pains. Od will bless you with a better man.

    ReplyDelete
  30. His family know his crazy my dear you dodged a whole weapon

    ReplyDelete
  31. Very proud of you for leaving such toxic situation.

    If I were you, I will sing of his abusive behavior to anyone that ask me why I broke up the engagement.

    Let the whole world know he has a problem. Do not keep quiet and let anybody turn the tables or blame you for the break up.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Congratulations on your new found freedom. His family is aware of all his problems that's why they want to marry him off to you. They believe you'll change him. They're not calling because they feel door for you but because you've found out their secret.
    Please report him to the police and spare another girl facing the same trauma you did otherwise you'll answer for it.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Kudo to you. You took a wise and life changing decision. Do not look back. Keep it moving.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'm scared for you, Poster. Your ex fiance is a violent rapist and an ex cultist. Please stay safe. If it's possible for you to relocate, please do. Abeg.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Poster I'm happy for you. If only my immediate younger sister could walk away from her abusive husband. Someone that locked out his wife, daughter and a month old baby outside rain just to punish her. any little argument he will change the locks of the house and lock the kitchen door, other rooms and left only one room for her.he will cuss her and call her so many bad name but she will still remain there.
    I have begged her to walk away but she won't. He see himself as Demi god. abegi there matter don tire me. I told her if she does won't mourn her.

    ReplyDelete
  36. So proud of u posterπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘. For ur strength in the end. U will find a man who will love and treat u right!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Poster sense will not kill you ! you are a woman and half!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Congratulations girl! Marriage is a choice and you made the right choice not to marry him. You did this because you have RESPECT for yourself. You tried, took some beatings, got raped but at the end you decided not to go ahead. The only thing missing was that you did not report his sorry ass to the police for the rape. Keep on moving on, no looking back and no regrets. You'll meet the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Congratulations girl! Marriage is a choice and you made the right choice not to marry him. You did this because you have RESPECT for yourself. You tried, took some beatings, got raped but at the end you decided not to go ahead. The only thing missing was that you did not report his sorry ass to the police for the rape. Keep on moving on, no looking back and no regrets. You'll meet the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Congratulations, Love. Please dont go back. Please see a therapist for the rape. You will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
  41. My takeaways which I have always advised my friends to avoid:
    1. public proposal -puts the girl under undue and unnecessary pressure
    2. Sleeping over in his place -cheapens you, makes you a sex object and demeans you
    3. fornication -gives him leverage over your body and sees it as worthy of being abused
    4. Going ahead with marriage plans, involving two families when you saw all the signs of
    violence, nonchalant attitude,
    5. Alcohol -increases the sex drive and fuels violent behavior
    6. clubbing -you are likely to meet smokers/drinkers/womanizer in this community.
    Above all -Making Jesus your Lord for a peaceful and responsible life and eternal home.
    🎀🎀😘😘😘😘

    ReplyDelete
  42. Thank God that you left, no one deserves to be treated like that. It will only get worse in marriage, and you will end up getting maimed or killed. Please stay strong and safe

    ReplyDelete
  43. See better girl like this in this same PH.


    Whereas a well trained,handsome man like me has been looking for love all over PH. It is well.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I beg you in the name of God stop picking their calls. This man will do everything to deceive you into marrying him. Don't ever think marriage will change him, it will even makebit worse. He beats you at will when he hasn't paid your price, how much more after he's paid. My dear, if you like ignore our advice and go marry him just to save face. Only you will carry that heavy cross, your father in law or aisyer in law with not carry it with you.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Poster, go tell in on the mountain, over the hills ans everywhere that Baba is a beater and rapist. This would help save your life and that of every other woman he may encounter that is ready to hear word.

    With the public breakup and even more public account of your experience with him, he would be too scared to sink back to his cultist tendencies and hurt you. It is like belling the cat. Hanging yourself on his neck means he can't touch you. Tell your family everything and tell friends and colleagues. Tell HIS FRIENDS and their girlfriends. If he disturbs you, WRITE HIS OFFICE. GET A LAWYER THAT WOULD WRITE EVERYBODY. and let him know that should anything happen to you, he would have to retake JAMB at the police station or worse, with the press and the public. Let shame cage him. Even if the issue of rape is still sensitive, tell those closest to you whom you trust when you are ready. Congratulations on the long life and peace you have chosen for yourself. Bye bye to jatijati.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I am so sorry to read what you went through and I commend you for speaking up. People are not supportive to victims of domestic and sexual abuse, so I pray you find a process that works for you to bring you back to your old self. My only wish is that you also find the courage to expose this man. Yes it is embarrassing and may be stigmatizing to you in our society but remember a family like theirs that only care about their name will surely bury his next victim rather than see her leave the marriage. Please find the strength to call out THE RAPIST AND WOMAN BEATER FOR WHAT HE IS, a MONSTER. Please if you can, expose him so that no other woman goes through what you did. Let them take care of people before taking care of family name. May God give you strength and healing- you are blessed

    ReplyDelete
  47. Leaving earlier wouldn't have been better cos i believe u have learned some important lessons at the later part. U did the right thing, thinking he would change and forgiving him series of time, that's the right virtue to say that u can make your own man from what he was to what u want.
    I wish u luck in your next relationship cos u seem a good person, if your story is not slanted.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Leaving earlier wouldn't have been better cos i believe u have learned some important lessons at the later part. U did the right thing, thinking he would change and forgiving him series of time, that's the right virtue to say that u can make your own man from what he was to what u want.
    I wish u luck in your next relationship cos u seem a good person, if your story is not slanted.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Leaving earlier wouldn't have been better cos i believe u have learned some important lessons at the later part. U did the right thing, thinking he would change and forgiving him series of time, that's the right virtue to say that u can make your own man from what he was to what u want.
    I wish u luck in your next relationship cos u seem a good person, if your story is not slanted.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I'm so proud of you,the fact that you realised you deserve so much more is beautiful.dont bother picking his call cause if you marry a man like that he will kill you and kill your children and his family will cover it up.
    Giving you e-hugs from here.😘😘😘

    ReplyDelete
  51. I'm still worried about you poster. So it had to take rape for you to have sense. I'm worried for you because you seem to have a high threshold for pain and for abuse. Who knows whether you won't repeat it with your next boyfriend? This man beat you up several times over the course of months and you still stayed with him??? Because of what? Love? You don't know what love is o. Many women had their lives ended the second or third beating. It didn't even take rape before they got killed. I'm glad you've left the monster but you as a person need to work on yourself - your self esteem and self - love because you don't have very much of it.

    ReplyDelete

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