Stella Dimoko Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....


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Thursday, April 02, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....




My fiance(we did our intro recently) has been asking me if there is anything i will like to tell him that he prefers for me to tell him things than for him to find out(they all say that right) he asks randomly and i keep saying nothing. but the truth is that back in UNI DAYS i had about 8 abortions and once had genital warts, i didn't have any complication everything was fine and all in d past. i want it to remain in the past, i don't want to tell him. should i keep it that way or i should tell. 

I really need answer ASAP.....

Let me spell it out for you...If you tell him,the Marriage will not hold or even if it holds,it will be over!!!...You understand?8 Abortions?OMG;you were busy!!!



Someone I assume to be my best friend got married and didn't use me as her chief bridesmaid. She met her husband in December last year and met his people in January. Yet she decided to use her husband's relative that she met in January as chief bridesmaid instead of me that she has known for more than 10 years.

 I used to think that shes my best friend. To think that she always frequents my house. Then she asked me to join married women aso ebi. I told her I cant because Im not married yet. So I just attended the wedding in my normal clothes looking like a stranger in my supposed best friends wedding. Am I not supposed to be sad? Is this not somehow?

I don't even know what to say to you....Did you think about if she may have been emotionally blackmailed into using her new in law?she is your best friend,fine....ARE YOU HER BEST FRIEND?did you both ever have a conversation where she told you she would use you as Chief bridesmaid if she was getting married?Please wake up and smell the coffee and stop creating issues where there are none...With this attitude,i would cut you off if i am that friend.


  1. Poster one, eight abortions??? Wwhdone ma! Im waiting for ang. But are you sure he doesn't know already and just waiting for you to spill? Maybe one of your friends must have told him already and he wants to find out from you. Think about it...

    Poster two... I'll advice you to Chill. You may call her your beatfriend but can she proudly call you her best friend? Maybe it was a one aided friendship and you didn't know all along. That's why I don't like this bestie beatie sonething

    1. It wasn't a one-sided friendship. I hardly visit her house but she's always at mine. Always putting pressure on me to accompany her to weddings and other events. I hardly call her on phone. She's the one that always calls me. BTW Stella, she doesn't need to cut me off cos I've already cut her off sef. And I didn't send that as a Chronicle. It doesn't bother me that much. I only wrote it on spontaneous weeks back

    2. Poster 1, go to the grave with it, it baffles me how u guys tell your current guys about your pass life especially abortion, ain’t the guys the ones that impregnate the ladies.

      You may just say one if u don’t want him to feel u are naive, but I beg u never mention that EIGHT 8888888888 if u try hamm, your relationship is gone.

      Poster 2, She is your best friend doesn’t mean you are hers, you know we Africans believe in going to see a Pastor/imam b4 marriage, maybe just maybe it could be one of the prophecies.

      This kind of friend will stay away from you after the wedding, you too stay your

      A friend did this to me, on her wedding she ask me aso ebi/ braidal train, I choose aso ebi, 10years now we never see, flashing back when we were in school we were inseparable couple with the fact that we were neighbors back home

    3. Oh ma goodness!!! What did I type? I didn't even crosscheck
      One sided

      Ok poster we have heard!!! ๐Ÿ™„

    4. Poster, with what you wrote up here under this comment, it showed that you're not even her friend, it was truly a one sided friend, you were not her friend in the first place, she was the one that choose you as a friend but you didn't choose her now you're just ranting because she dumped you.
      Abeg put plaster for your wound and leave her alone.
      You're not her friend.

    5. I think she wrote that rant up up there because of how angry, hurt, betrayed and disappointed she was/is about the frien๐Ÿคท‍♀️๐Ÿคท‍♀️๐Ÿคท‍♀️. #CHISOM

    6. Poster 2. There's a possibility that she didn't have much choice, she might have done that just to please her in-laws. Being her best friend, you could jokingly tell her your mind and hear what she'd say, Hana its not that hard. If she had used another friend, I'd have said you aren't her best friend. You're the one keeping this grudge till April, so talk to her, and be very conscious of her response so as to know where you stand.

    7. This your secret must go to the grave with you. Never tell him anything if not, he will either end the wedding plans or keep tormenting you for life especially if anything goes wrong with child bearing

      My husband ordinary the fact that 3 of my sisters had issues with child bearing everyday he will be asking me "how long did it take .. to have a baby?
      Meanwhile, someone placed a curse on him that he will never hear the cry of a baby cos he denied impregnating her. He told me after wedding and I've never reminded him of it in anyway but look at the nonsense questions he is always asking me.

    8. Don just mirrored my thoughts. Your friend is better off without you. Imagine the sense of entitlement. You dont visit her, dont call and you were expecting her to make you are maid of honor. You sound like a Narcissist btw. Her inlaw she met in less than a month probably showed her more reciprocal love and friendship than you ever did in the years she knew u.

      "BTW Stella, she doesn't need to cut me off cos I've already cut her off sef."
      So this is how you really feel about your Friend.
      Good riddance, for your friend. You sound bitter and Toxic anyway

    9. Sometimes, most times, our "best friends" have their best friends
      You only know what a person is to you, not what the person sees you as.
      My wedding was an eye opener. People I thought they were my friends never reciprocated my gesture. All is well

    10. Poster 2 please don't take it to heart. I guess she was blackmailed like Stella said. My cousin got married recently and wanted to use her bestie for the chief but it didn't happen. Her maternal auntie threatened her mum that if her daughter is not the chief then they wouldn't come for the wedding. She didn't like the idea but her mum convinced her to. She's still best of friends with her bestie and nothing has changed. And her bestie is also matured enough to know that those things are not basis for their friendship so let it go.
      Poster 1, I don't really know what to tell you. Just go to God in prayers.

    11. Poster, with what you wrote, quite obvious she fought to be close to you but u never opened and accepted her freely.

      If she was the one always pushing for you guys to be close, then just like you thought, she assumed you won't accept her offer. She placed you where you belonged, as in where she won't need to push hard to be your friend

      Please move on as you have learnt it is not all about you. Life happens

    12. Poster with the reply I’m guessing you are anon 15:44. Girl climb down from your imaginary high horse.
      Your friend made the right decision not making you her chief bridesmaid. On that day it’s possible you won’t even be there for her or you stand her you know what being a bridesmaid entails? It’s not about the glamour or the position on that have to be ready to act like a maid like the name entails. With this your mindset, you ain’t gonna fit it.
      I have a friend like you. I’m always visiting her, she only visited my house once in our 10 years of friendship, but she’s always urging me to come to her house. I’m Always inviting her out but she’ll never attend(it was now like I’m disturbing her), I’ll call her on wtsapp she will not pick unless I call her on normal call, stating she can’t be picking wtsapp call at her On my birthday my bf was ready to sponsor me and a friend to Dubai...I would have picked her but I gladly chose someone else. Since then she’s stopped talking to me. I said “ope o” opportunity to delete her from my life.
      So poster you are the one that needs to apologize to your friend.

    13. Poster 1...mayday! Mayday!! MAYDAY!!! Abort! Abort!! ( no pun intended. I am a guy and i believe i am open minded to an acceptable degree. 8 arbotions is a lot, and it screams HO even though it might not have been your fault. You can spill about 1 or 2 at the most, but 8!!!! I would be out through the window. Now from a 3rd party point of view, i can understand how ot was in the daysnof ignorance. But from the point of view of the owner, what is it a abortion?!!

    14. 1. Poster keep quiet! ๐Ÿคซ Old things have passed away.

      2. It is not that big a deal. Move on, but I suspect she is no longer your best friend.

    15. Any girl that does 8 abortions is stupid and dumb as fuck.
      YOU must be a dimwit to Stupidly open your legs 9 times concieve 8 times and take the life of those babies. I'll be weary of you if I knew you as a person talk more of living with you not to even think of marrying you. Infact if you were my sister I'll limit my interactions with you as its clear you're pure evil.
      Bloddy 8 abortions! God is merciful Sha, God and cry to him for mercy and stay single the rest of your life. You don't deserve the chance to marriage and possiblity of conceiving again.

      I need to go and ask God for forgiveness, you just caused a serious hatred in my heart for you. You're evil Mehn.

    16. Poster 2 sounds like a jealous and envious friend. Be happy for others so yours can happen too, ican imagine how u must have squeezed your face on that day and now u will expect her to call u. Stop feeling entitled has she ever promised to use u as her bridesmaid?

  2. Maybe she did it to please her new family, you family, new allies.

    Er, the first poster, are u a mumu?
    Lol, go n fess up naa, radio without battery.

    1. Poster 2, I read your comment up there and permit me to say, nobody needs a friend like you, you are the worst kind of ally anyone should have talk more of calling you a friend!
      "She does the calling, I don't call. She visits me, I don't go to her house. She likes us attending weddings together, I don't." like she's supposed to be grateful for having you as a friend? Like you are some prize?

      Besides the fact that you obviously are jealous that she met someone who chose to marry her in such a short time, because you feel you're all that, and she's not. You're also a very bitter person and do not wish your "friends" well...

  3. Poster 2, SDK may be right that your Friend was blackmailed into having someone else as her chief bridesmaid. Don't take it to heart. Its not that serious. Not a do or die. Just be happy with her and move on.

  4. First poster, your past should remain in your past. There's a reason we are advised to be careful of our choices.
    You don't have to tell your fiancรฉ that you've had numerous abortions in the past.

    Beg God for forgiveness, grace and mercy.

    Second poster, seeing her as your best friend doesn't mean that you are her best friend.
    Maybe you should ask her why she didn't use as her Chief bridesmaid, tell her you were looking forward to being her CB.
    You attended the wedding ceremony. Be happy for her and continue to treat her as your friend, maybe not as bff any more


  5. Poster 2... maybe you should talk to her about it and express your shattered expectations and displeasure, please do this as politely as possible. Her response will let you in on whether you were best friends with yourself and act drama please๐Ÿค—

    1. Poster 1...while I am a huge advocate of leaving the past where it the past, I will be very disappointed and never trust any one that looks me in the face and tells me a lie especially when I've given him/her the chance to come most of the time I already have my suspicions so please use your discretion in this case as you wear the shoes.

  6. Ist chronicle. Please just be quiet, that before you met him I would have said disclose but you see these niggas they are wired differently they will convince you to spill then you will be at their mercy for the rest of your life. If you guys do not have any issues now please just a pin

    2nd Chronicle,atleast now you know where you stand. Adjust accordingly

  7. NO 1
    zip your mouth and make sure you are right with God.
    NO 2
    I feel your pain, ask her about it.

    1. Don't mind Stella. She has every right to be angry biko. What are friends for? She didn't even use another friend but someone she just met. It's a big insult abeg

    2. Yes 2nd poster has every right to be angry..if it's me sef I'll attend ur wedding as a spectator and after that ghost jst cut her off and stay on ur own.
      1st poster pls I dobale for u don't tell shiii.see ur own na child's play compare to mine..I had 12 and wen I met hubby I told me I had 2 body count whereas I've lost count.see ANG face front of cos that was my past.

    3. What do u guys use for this abortion?is it abortion pills or d suction stuff?..cos am still wondering y someone would go thru this tin 10/12 times๐Ÿ™„

  8. Poster 2, anyone "loyal" in your shoe would be sad, but like they say, life is full of surprises.
    I'm sure you guys must have fantasized about your weddings, you being each other's maid of honor.
    You can talk to her about it and let her know you are hurt and maybe she would have a good excuse for you.
    Don't take it to heart, let go of the hurt.

    Poster 1, do not tell him anything. It will surely be used against later on. Just hope and pray your womb is still intact.
    If later on, the doctor says you won't be able to bear children cos of the series of abortions you had, be kind enough to allow your husband have kids by another woman.
    Don't let someone else pay for your sins.
    What happened to using protection though?


  9. As far as ur womb was not damaged in d process,Some secrets are meant to go with u to the grave,after all he also must be hiding some things from u,ur past is ur past,don’t even bring it up except u don’t want the marriage to hold sha,m not even judging but what were u thinking to have had 8 abortions,weren’t I scared for ur life or future?

    1. how did she get to know her womb is not damaged? i have seen someone whose womb was damaged by she was not informed,,till now,aunty neva get bele

  10. But warts always reoccur.

  11. Poster one, I don't think you should tell that man anything o, believe me, he too must have a secret that he is not willing to tell you. In all, be wise like a serpent.

    Poster two, Stella is right. Please be rational in your thinking and don't feel too bad about it.

  12. She should be angry. An explanation should have been given to her.
    What are friends for ? Stella na wa for she sometimes. Abeg she get every right to vex.

  13. Poster 1, I will say tell him but not as it is. You can tell him you fell pregnant once in school but had a miscarriage within the 2nd month. Don't say it's an abortion and don't say it's more than once.

    The reason you need to come clean about ever getting pregnant is,if ever there's any complications in the future, you made him aware your womb is not a virgin womb. It ever carried futeous, hence the complications can be due to miscarriage. God forbid though.

    1. It is better not to say anything than to lie.

    2. Naa..she should say nothing.

    3. What kind of complication?
      Anything can happen to anyone, virgin etc as long as pregnancy is concerned
      Even if you are asked in the hospital poster, don't disclose it(It almost never matters)
      These men can go to any extent like going back to ask a doctor or whoever will give them your medical history

  14. Poster one the past should be left where it belongs.
    Poster two, I have learnt that you can call someone your best friend but it does not mean, they see you as theirs. If you feel let down, you can talk to her about how you feel or re- access the friendship and choose to move on.

  15. Poster one, just take that secret to the grave. Whatever comes your way after, you will deal with it. Just ask God for forgiveness. It happened to me that the only friend that has my secret then passed away before I got Married. She was ill and died
    Poster two, let it slide, it’s no big deal. I would have been happy sef because I won’t have to pay for unnecessary clothes that I can’t wear after the occasion. be happy for her your day of joy will come too. She must be going through some things that she can’t tell you.

  16. it could be that he already heard about it and wants you to comfirm it. If you tell him,the trust might broken if you don't tell him and he gets to find out,the trust might be broken. You need divine direction laced with wisdom

  17. second poster your case is (you might not think so) more of entittlement. She might have her reasons,she probably loves you so much as a friend but decided to allow her sis in law be the chief maid.

  18. Poster 1

    You know damn well you are not going to tell him. Hopefully, your system is clean so you can go on to live a fulfilling life.

    Poster 2
    I get it. You had high expectations as your supposed best friend and you were ready to be front and center doing best friend duties. Don’t take it to heart, sis. In-laws can be pretty domineering..take it from someone that has seen firsthand.

    Sometimes, people do things to be at peace with people.

    1. Exactly Perxian! You just nailed it with the right words. I was ready to do so much best-friend duties for her. I was even planning to buy a top notch statement-making wedding gift. I finally gave her an envelope cos I felt side lined. No wahala sha. Everything's good

  19. Poster one...are you a learner or do you think he doesn't have a past too
    Let your past remain your past

    Poster to her about your feeling and hear what she has to say
    After hearing her.... you will decide what to do from her statement

  20. 8 wat??? Madam plz keep that secret to urself. But how do people get pregnant and abort continuously.

    Poster 2. Sorry Nne oo. U were the best friend but I guess she never took u as more.

    Good luck.

  21. Him no give woman belle too? Abi na only you sleep around the 4 corners? Repent o.

  22. second poster your case is (you might not think so) more of entittlement. She might have her reasons. She probably still loves you so much as a friend but allowed the sis in law be the chief maid

  23. Poster 1, Jesu iwo nikan tan! Anyway God is merciful, she may get married and have twins nine months later but haba you no try, why not take precautions instead of aborting 8 times.

  24. hmmmmm,,,so funny

    poster 1.. just keep it to ursef and pray to God for forgiveness and ask him to bless u with a bu,dle of joy(offspring) cuz the guy man that is asking you might have been hinted or might have seen somwthing which you yourself will mever evwn beleived such can be disclosed to him.

    let me give u this instance

    before i was to arrange my intro but something came up,i tried asking playfully so that she can tell me herself but she refused to amd confirm to me that nothing of such came up but she never knew i have not only gotten details but evidence to prove, that was why i changed my mind cuz any man or woman who jas that courage to swear on something she did by pretending and not even swearing for heeawld but using her unborn children then sich person can kill.

    pls be careful and thread carefully,but pls move closer to Jah.

    poater2....Aunty,,this is not what u should be bothered about,be happy she is married why cuz not everyone ypu make as a best of friends are friends to you.

    bwaide's, you dont know what transpired between her and the husband's family that made her changed her mind.

    so,,stay cool and dont be offended

  25. 8 abortion.
    I can't blame you, never.
    We all have our past..
    I hope and pray the past won't caught up with us.
    Shut up and face front.

    1. 8 and you cant blame her? Who will you blame???

    2. I repeat, I can't blame her , we all have done so many shitty things and that's her past.

      Sorry if you think I was supposed to blame her.

    3. Don you fall hand for this comment. She’s weak and irresponsible and that is not an assumption.

    4. chai.. 8?? like EIGHT??? wow!!! whats ur story? runs or lovergirl? you must have really low self preservation instincts..!!!

    5. Don, this comment doesnt sound like you.
      By the way, she has all the blame, no one else. Past or present or future, na she i blame..... 8??? Damn!!!

    6. Alternative act and Anon 19.23. I understand you both but I'm saying this based on my experience. I have done the worst thing you can ever imagine nder the sun but it's my past, doesnt defines me and blaming her right now won't change nothing, it's her past.
      We all have our secret past that we are not proud of.

  26. Poster one, it is hard. Just go to God Almighty and talk to Him about what you have done. Don't tell your fiance, he is not Jesus Christ that forgives and forget. Tell your fiance God is in control of you.

    Poster 2 .... You are free to react because of the 10 years friendship. Also be happy you did not spend on asp ebi and the rest.

    Hope you gave her gifts. Forgive her and still ask her. If no favorable answer leave it like that.

    Don't throw ,10 years in the gutters

  27. It’s her wedding aunty ,she has the right to choose or use whomever pleases her , quit with ur entitlement mentality Biko

    1. Thank u.People should learn to respect the level to which other people allow then into their lives.

  28. Poster two, you expect too much from your friend, I think that why you feel this way, now you know your position, just don't stress thing any further.
    See her as your friend still but probably you're not her best friend like you have been thinking.
    Move on

  29. Poster one... just so know, not all secrets remain buried, some get rotten in the ground and germinate, when you least expect, form thorns and prickles & stink your ass.
    He might know already.... 1 out of the 8 must have leaked outta the bag and into his ears, he wants to see how truthful you can be, or picture how straight you keep a face when you tell a blatant lie.
    Either way, you are fucked.

  30. Poster 1, a part of me says to advise you to shut up. The marriage may not hold after this. But then again, it's possible he has heard it somewhere but wants you to talk. As long as you're possible your past hasn't left you with fertility issues, you're fine. Let us know what happens after your marriage. However, the other part of me is putting myself in the guy's shoes. What if the guy is my brother or one of my good friends that have been straight forward men, men who are genuinely God fearing? Do they deserve to unknowingly have a partner with this kind of past? What if there are repercussions in future e.g. fertility issues. Do they deserve to be put in this kind of situation where they may remain childless because they believe in the marital vows they have made? Hmm.

    SDK, you were too harsh on Poster 2. I felt her pain. I have been in her shoes once though not about a wedding. It's the realization that people don't see you the way you see them.

    Poster 2, I advise you let go of your annoyance and remain her friend but I think she'll be the kind of friend that will forget her single friends. If she can be bullied by husband and in-laws not to have her close friend as her Chief brides maid, then she can be persuaded to let go of her single friends. If that be the case, let go and let God.

    1. God bless you anon 16:01. Everyone is telling her to keep quiet,but my question is: if this lady was your friend and your brother wants to marry her, knowing so much about her past, will you allow him marry her without him knowing what he is getting into?

      Please, let's stop saying the past is the past. We are giving the younger generation a license to misbehave, after all, they can also claim the past is in the past later in life. Like I always tell the young girls around me, 'be a lady the woman you will become can be proud of.'

      I think you should let him know you have aborted before(you might reduces the number of times though, eight times is scary), that way, it will be his choice to start. If any complication happens in the future, he will not be shocked.

      And please people, not everyone has a past that is bad please. So stop consoling the poster with 'does he he not have a past too?' the guy might have been morally upright all his life. If that guy is a praying Christian, God would have revealed her past to him and the guy is just giving her a chance to explain by asking her.

    2. God bless u anon 16.01 and Blessed one. In as much as i might not be in support of her telling the guy, i dont think an innocent guy should suffer the consequences of your past peradventure things go amiss in the future.

    3. Poster, avoid this advice like a plague.

    4. The issue is not the abortions but the fact that genital warts has no permanent cure but reoccurs. You will be infecting that poor guy knowingly.

    5. Even nature demonstrates one reaps an orange after sowing an orange seed. Not a pineapple; the Almighty will only give a truly upright woman in marriage to a truly upright man and vice versa. Any man/woman, wey carry his/her hand/eye go buy market,in the name of one kain yeye marriage,nah dem sabi at the end of the day.QED

  31. Poster one some things are better not said, do not say anything to him biko.

    Poster two pack well, if your friend feels that your class is not up to her own standard to be her maid of honour why are you over stressing yourself biko. Let go and keep on moving.

    1. Class keep? And she's always frequenting her house? Hmmmmm. You people always think that marriage is the end all be all

  32. I'm in need of selfcontain in umuahia,can anyone help

  33. What is he going to do with the secrets. Some secrets are best left in the dark past. Some secrets won't ever come back so why bring them back. If it were a child you had , yes, it would have been necessary to tell him because the child would or could show up but dead babies, treated diseases- just go and see no more

  34. Poster 1 pls take the secret to the grave. He will never marry you if u tell him.

  35. Not trying to judge you but nne, are you HUMAN??? 8Abortions???like you stopped eight good lives from existing?? Lives that were minding their businesses where they were. Why weren't you using condoms or morning after pills??Lord have mercy!! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑTo crown it all, you had a genital warts! OK let's do it this way, if you were a man, would you want to marry a lady like yourself?? Some men are suffering!! Imagine as a man, Having to live with a person with such baggages especially when you haven't done any abortions for or with any female. You need to repent of your sins, ask God for forgiveness, ask those innocent bloods to forgive you, Tell the man, yes tell him! This secret is too dirty and wicked to not let the person that genuinely loves and wants to make you the mother of his kids to not know, tell him.That should be your own way of letting God know that you're truly sorry! If he is truly the man made for you, he'd stay.... . God works in mysterious ways. This one he is singing it like a song to you to reveal whatever secrets you may be habouring, onyema?? Someone that knows you well enough might have revealed your dirty secrets to him and he just wants to comfirm from you๐Ÿคท‍♀️๐Ÿคท‍♀️๐Ÿคท‍♀️Who knows. Dear Nigerian ladies, getting admission to study in the universities is not a lisence to messing up your lives and doing all sorts of evil shits bikonu get your shits together. #CHISOM

  36. Poster two...
    3 years ago, I was in your shoes....

    My best friend....since nursery school... scratch that...her mom and my mom were friends before we were born.. so we grew up together as friends..
    She was bout to get married

    When marriage preparations started, she said I'll be her Chief BM.

    We agreed on colours of shoes and clothes,...we were to go buy the materials together...

    Out of excitement, I bought everything I'll be needing as her CBM in their respective colours including the for the fabric.

    I called to asked about fabric, and when we would be going to the market....she said her sis begged to be the CBM and her mom told her to allow her sis be the CBM.
    Therefore I'll have to join the bridal train...

    I agreed, after all, I'm friends with her sis too.

    Days,.weeks sign of the fabric for the bridal train...

    I kept calling, until I have myself.brain and stopped.

    A week to the wedding, she called and gave me a fabric, telling me is for asoebi, and that of the bridal train is finished..

    I collected, but didn't see it.

    The wedding came, I attended, and I was shocked....

    The fabric she gave me was the one her classmates wore.

    I shook my head...

    To think that she had two sets of bridal train, and I wasn't amongst any....

    That day, I knew something was fishy....

    She had something in mind against me, and if she didn't seem it fit to tell me, there's no point asking her....

    I just wrote her off as my friend.

    In essence, poster
    I feel your pain....and it's okay to be angry....

  37. Poster 2,I understand how you feel..... Let it go and move on with your life. To you, she was a best friend but to her, you clearly weren't. Forget everything and keep it going, learn your lessons, before befriending a person, Does she deserve you?? Are you to them what you are to them?? Move on Asa!!! #CHISOM

    1. *Are you to them what they are to you๐Ÿคฆ‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ‍♀️#CHISOM

  38. Poster 1, I'm a bit conflicted, my intended casually told me how he sponsored two abortions and I want to call it off because I don't want someone's recklessness to destroy my life.

  39. This is a tricky one. While honesty may be the best policy, not everybody can handle the truth or the ripple effect of said truth. I believe somethings are better left unsaid and are highly eligible to be taken to the grave. However, some secrets shouldn't be kept, especially if they may affect the person coming into your life, full disclosure is pious thing to do. It's better to lay the cards on the table from day 1. The minute your love interest is a potential life partner, come out clean and let the chips fall where they may. It's more of a challenge when he is already in too deep.

    Here are the 2 scenarios. Tell him the truth if you are so inclined, but have it at the back of your mind that you may lose him forever, he may pretend to handle it well now but crack later. He may still go ahead with the marriage but will use your past against you whenever you guys have a lovers' spat. God forbid you experience delay in conception, he may rehash your "colourful" past and may blame you for the delay. He may even confide in family, friends or both, and he will be encouraged to try getting a baby outside wedlock. Even if the fault is not from you, that decency to be patient will not be exercised in your favour because he will assume the fault is yours. Keep it to yourself and remain plagued with guilt and the fear that someone who knows your past may one day blackmail you or rat you out to your man. By then, the irreparable damage is done.

    There's the RARE chance that his love for you may cover the multitude of your sins, but sweetheart, I would certainly be remiss if I don't add a cautionary note that even with the best of intentions, many people who claim to be able to handle the truth, can't deal once the truth is out. You can never gauge, with certainty, a person's reaction to the truth until the truth is spoken, and by then, it's too late to take back. Unfortunately, it's impossible to unhear spoken words. The moral question is, should you hide the truth from the man you love and hope to marry for fear of losing him? Isn't he entitled to know what he's getting himself into? Honey, this isn't the issue of body count, which is well within your rights not to disclose. This concerns conception because your uterus may have been compromised from all the medical procedures.

    Bite the bullet and let him know. Take responsibility for your actions past and present. I wouldn't encourage you to start your marriage on the foot of deception. I pray you find peace regardless of the outcome.
    e-hugs and kisses.

    1. I agree with this dude.
      Well said Ronald.

  40. Poster two, don't be quick to judge.

    Some in-laws interfere in simple stuffs like bridal train, insisting you add their single daughters/sisters. They I had that experience and had to add two of my single SILs to my train.
    My mum wanted to interfere in younger brother's wedding for my sisters to be in the bridal train and I told her to leave the bride to do what she wants (it's her wedding).

    Maybe your friend wanted to overly please them by using her SIL, although I think she should have given you a heads up.

    On the other hand, maybe she doesn't see you as her bestie, or she felt threatened by such mundane things as you being more beautiful, taller, etc so you don't take the shine off her.

  41. @1. Tell him @ your own peril! A word is enough for the wise! There're things one can disclose but not theses over dirty things! Even if you did it for only 1 be as a fool in love, he'll still see you as a who're & that you'll barren in the marriage... God forbids! What if after wedding you have a slight delay, he'll remember the abortion & use it again you, you have to be very careful...

    @2. You're pained & took it too far! I've worn married aso-ebi for friends even when I'm not married! Because I'm too matured for confetti ladies & everyone cannot best her. What if it was her sister she used, would still be mad? You should had a deep discussion with her instead of judging from afar & concluding

    ... Jesus is my worth!

  42. I have done like 4 abortions which I'm not proud of,only I and my friends know..And they can't tell the number .So please in the name of the god u serve.Keep it to yourself..Take it to your grave.He isn't serious..let him know you have no secret to tell,except u want to put sand in your garri.U can also ask him to tell you his own secret .what kind of blackmail is that?Confess to your parish father if u're Catholic.

    1. I don't understand, why don't people rigorously use protection or even abstain after the 1st, 2nd abortion??

    2. And the "god" you serve is, Baal, Ashtoreth, Baphomet or Molech?

  43. Poster one, pray for God's mercy and take that secret to your grave, do not tell him anything if you truly love him and wants the marriage to hold.
    The number of abortions i did is more than yours thankGod i am happily married with 3kids.i am not encouraging anyone to dwell in my past abortion is bad and it is bad.
    I thankGod for His mercy over my life.

    Poster 2, ThankGod you attended the wedding, maybe she's your best friend and you are not hers. Just live it like that.

  44. Hmm, No 1
    Executed more than 8 babies? ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ
    Naija girls una dey try o. And you wan carry
    am for chest go grave, okwa ya?
    If you have repented of those murders, you ought to confess it
    as a shameful deed. "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of
    darkness but rather expose them" Eph. 5:11.
    And on wedding day, you wear "white" (signifies chastity). When you
    repent and mourn for those kids, wear that white with pride, but if not, ?????
    And nne, Read Exodus 1 and see the women God gave families. Read also Proverbs
    Please note that if you have genuinely repented of those deeds, Jesus blood washes
    away sins and does not keep record of wrongs.

    1. When ANG talks they'd bash her, now see!!!

  45. Poster 2.
    The first post has scattered my day and mood today.๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ข
    What happened is a good thing if you choose to see it
    that way. At least now you know where you belong.
    I know that you Naija Sisis like to be chief bridesmaid so that
    other dudes (abroad/loaded) go see una well well come grab of the the
    shelf okwa ya?
    But truth be say una no trust each other. The way Naija girls snatch like
    egbe -kite dey snatch chicks eh. Wedding fit finish and bridesmaids tummy is
    filled will babies and madam's own dey empty ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

    1. I really wonder how this girls claim to love somebody but hide such a
      huge secret from them.
      If your brother is getting married to your friend whom you know to have
      aborted eight times, will you like it and? tell her to keep it secret?
      if the answer is yes, then go ahead.

  46. Poster 1

  47. Poster 1 zip it !!! all the gist not even secrets ordinary escapades oooo i downloaded boo and hubby were used and still being used against me in arguments till Next life ,its a trap never fall for it men can't handle and forgive somethings ,the best advice i got from a friend a guy was never tell a man your secrets ,its a weapon ,but by then it was too late i already did and it's still biting my succulent ass! POSTER 2 I feel your pain sweetie ,the decision might have been outta her control but she should have let you know regardless,#lesson this bestie shiiiit is tricky maaaaan !!roll solo and protect your mental space .

    1. That’s the reason you people keep having issues in your marriages because everything is founded in deceit.
      If the guy truly loves her he’ll go ahead and marry her regardless..

  48. Poster.1. You either say it to him or keep shut but be ready for the worst either side of them. No matter how understanding he may be, there's 30 or 40% chance he will go on with the wedding after hearing a thing like that. If you chose not to tell him and he later finds out, it may turn messy and disastrous. Either way, be ready for the worst. First of all take time to study his reactions towards issues like that. He might know already who know.

    Poster. 2. Dont read too much into your friend's actions. May his sister inlaw applied for the position immediately they announced they were getting married. It will also be nice u speak to her about it that reserve such in your mind.

  49. Hes trying to use reverse psychology on you, he hasn't heard anything about you, he's just looking for a way to call off everything

    1. Seems poster no too wise..My kinda person will just shut you up immediately by asking u if there anything u heard or u wanna share yours.cuz me i gat nothing on me...Hoha

  50. Poster 1
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
    Some of those kids might have been twins or triplets.
    But you know what?
    Jesus saves and forgives. Mourn -fast for those kids,
    you will have peace and direction.
    And if this man has paid your bride price, he is your
    husband already. But you need God in this marriage so
    much. And you need him in this life and eternity.

  51. That is why I don't pity any woman that writes a TTC chronicle.

    1. You are very dense.

    2. @Nice mum
      You just used "nice" words, didn't you?
      So if this poster writes a TTC chronicle tomorrow, you
      expect her to tell you that she killed 8 or more babies?

  52. Keep your secrets to yourself cause He's going to use it against you

    1. Exactly..I once told an ex about a serious family secret?What led to my parent's u know this guy used it against me ..I swear..

  53. There's a lady in my church, before she got married she told her husband that she has aborted pregnancy before that led to the loss of one of her fallopian tube. The guy went ahead to marry her. They are bless with a child now.

    In fact she got pregnant the same month she got married.

    You have gone too far, you supposed to have open up before now

    1. Open up to who exactly??U guys are if u're the Fiance,will u still go ahead with the marriage.. if all that were revealed to you?

    2. I don't know what this generation has against correct tenses.

  54. Poster 2 from what u explained as anonymous is that she never saw u as a best friend because she literally had to push u for everything but u never did. Deep inside she might u guys didn't connect well and probably she met someone else who connect easily with her

  55. How could you have been so wicked to yourself to have gone through with 8 abortions!! 8!!!! What happened to contraceptives.. that’s extreme carelessness on your part. Now you want to put everything in the head of an innocent man, I assume. You better confess your sins and let it be his decision to go ahead with the wedding. If he hadn’t asked that would’ve been a different scenario. Now he’s asked, it’s your responsibility to say the truth and be free. Agents of darkness are telling you to be quiet. Very deceitful and selfish people.

    Poster 2 I’m sorry but it’s either you’re ugly or you’re broke, that shouldn’t matter though but why the sense of entitlement?.. it’s left for your friend to choose who she wants, it isn’t your call. Stop overthinking it, it’s nothing personal.

    1. What informs you he's an innocent man? Haven't you heard, when the gods want to finish a pesin, dey first make am mad?

  56. I would hope that poster 1 tells her fiancรฉ about these abortions and previous warts as there is a risk that he’ll be affected by The fallout if any. Better to lay all your cards on the table. It may be hard to do now but it might be your best bet.

  57. No African man will marry a woman who had 8 abortions . You are own your own if you tell him. If you tell him ,he will tell his family members and you know what that means Good luck sha

  58. Hello Poster 1, leave your past in the past. Ask him if he has specific concerns, you can address them. You both should get tested for STDs, and get treated for any infections.
    You can also get a fertility test done, before you proceed. (PS, you both should). You both decide how to proceed based on findings.
    You can come to the table with clean hands without divulging sordid details. Everyone has a past, don't let your past hold you captive.
    If the screening identifies anything of concern, dont beat your self up,and attribute it to your past, look to improving your future. There are people experiencing infertility, and they never had abortions and vice versa.
    All the best.

  59. Poster 2, please chill. When my bestie got married, her hubby imposed his sister on her as her bridesmaid. I don't even like being on the spotlight in weddings and told her to let it be when she wanted to fight for me to be the one.
    I ended up being more useful to her on her wedding day by making sure that her family and colleagues were well fed and taken care of.

  60. Poster 1, the honourable thing to do is tell him, but the 'self preservative' thing to do is to keep quiet. I must tell you that 8 abortions is quite a number. Somebody, somewhere out there knows at least one. If one person knows, then it is not a secret and can come out when you least expect it.

    Poster 2, it hurts to be/feel undervalued or sidelined, especially by someone you didn't expect it from...before you cut her off or ghost her, please hear from her. Sometimes things are not all they seem to be. I am saying this because I have been in a situation, a little different from yours but nonetheless similar. I was supposed to be the CBM for a friend that was more like a sister to me. For very good reasons and circumstances beyond my control, I could not. (I attended the wedding though and was really busy behind the scene making sure all went well.) I tried to explain, but she had felt hurt and didn't want to listen. I tried to get through but she gave me the silent treatment after the wedding. It was years later, she got to understand my predicament then, and is feeling sorry for how she handled the issue. We are good now, albeit wasted years of strife. Give people the benefits of doubt.

  61. poster 1

    you are not in a good is possible your man knows some things already.
    ps do don't tell him.
    make sure you have no fertility issues, and you are free from any STD.
    if you have asked God for forgiveness...put everything in God's hand.

    the issue of what to disclose can be difficult to handle.

    I found out some things about my wife after more six years of marriage.
    I was frank about it....I told her if I knew about this I will not have married her.
    I did not walk away and I never used it against her.

    Good luck

  62. And one INNOCENT GUY is going to jeopardize his future by getting married to Poster 1. Please, let him make an informed choice otherwise this is SHEER WICKEDNESS.

  63. For poster 2,did you give the toast for the bride at the wedding? If No then you weren’t discerning all the while but if YES, she might have been pressured by the in-laws and she probably didn’t consider too far how you may feel.
    I’ll advise you to let it slide,I’ve been in a similar situation but I gave a memorable toast and kept my safe distance thereafter but with zero ill feelings.

    Poster 1,I’m afraid of you and if a woman tells me that kind of thing I’ll flee without looking back but I won’t judge.
    You might want to consider what that means.

  64. After reading everything, poster 1 pls let him know. I was once in that situation and I spoke and cleared my conscience. If he is yours, he will stay and if not, let him go. Why is he just brining this up now? Are u guys not suppose to have had this discussion before the talk of marriage? I blive that if you truly love someone, you should be free to say anything without shame. If he decides to use it against you, u don’t worry let God fight that one. But don’t hide it from him pls. As for those telling u to take it to your grave, do u know what that means? It means you and your secret will burn in hell!!! Do your restitution to your husband. If he chooses to go, then he was never met to be yours. I told my ex hubby everything including things I was not proud of but when he decided to use it against me, it hurt me so bad but one thing I must confess to you is that deep inside, I was happy because I knew I had done the right thing. Only for him to be the one who was always having sleepless night bcos he could not bring himself to tell me that he was gay. Am I surprised as to why he contracted hiv after our wedding in my absence? Not at all!!! God vindicated me. Always be honest and put the devil to shame. He that hideth his sin does not prosper. Think deep. Don’t go with the majority o. The broad way leads to destruction.

  65. These people shouting 8 abortions, are you sure you're in this world? 8 is even small. I've seen 20, 15 and more and they still have kids, even doing family planning in marriage.
    Some women can get pregnant like water! Most times, the bad effects of d&c is as a result of patronizing quacks. Go to a good doctor and you'll be fine. Mostly.

    Not that I'm in support of abortions, but this is life. These things happen. Don't judge people just cos you feel "holy"... Nobody holy abeg


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