Hmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOUR
God bless you for the fantastic work that you are doing, I never knew I would be sending in a chronicle some day.....well never say never.
Straight to the point, I have been married for almost 8 years with two kids, we live in the USA, my husband and I both work 9-5.
My husband is always praying and involved in Church activities so I really trusted him. When we first got married, I could swear with my life that he would never tell a lie.
Along the line, we started having in law problems and I realised he could actually tell lies so trust started fading and I started being cautious of him.
Anyways to the problem at hand, I got a 20 year old Au Pair (live in nanny), she is mixed race and very beautiful of course.
I trusted my husband and besides,I am a very body confident person (even though I dont see myself as being overly pretty,I have always had compliments and loads of toasters since I was young) and so wasnt bothered when I saw how beautiful she was during the interview.
I trusted my husband and besides,I am a very body confident person (even though I dont see myself as being overly pretty,I have always had compliments and loads of toasters since I was young) and so wasnt bothered when I saw how beautiful she was during the interview.
Fast forward to the day my Au Pair arrived,I was meant to pick her from the airport but was very busy so asked my husband to go instead. After picking her up, hubby and I were gisting and he said that the girl wanted to hug him when they first met at the airport but that he was like 'e be like say she no know say I be Oga'.
I found it strange cos a welcome hug to me is expected and most likely innocent. Anyways, I just thought to myself that its even good, let hubby know he is Oga and therefore define boundaries.
Please note that I have a CCTV in my home. 6 weeks after she arrived at about 10:34 pm, I was sleeping then suddenly woke up and started viewing the CCTV on my phone, Oga was lying down on the sofa and using his mobile phone, she also came downstairs to fetch something from the kitchen then Oga called her to view whatever he was viewing on his phone whilst still lying down, obviously, she had to take a very very close (trying hard not to use the word compromising) position to view the video as per he was lying down.
I saved the video, kept my cool and when hubby came upstairs, I politely expressed my displeasure at such closeness at that time of the night, he later explained that it was a video about her country bla bla bla and it was a mere coincidence that she was just passing at the same time he was watching the video. Even though I remembered some of the lies he said in the past, I apologised and let it slide.
I guess I was too embarrassed to make an issue out of it but I thought to myself, if I were in the sitting room with him, would such a 'coincidence' have happened? Besides, what happened to the 'e be like say she no know say I be oga' shit he fed me weeks ago.
Well, I prayed and had a message to quietly and nicely replace her. I cant even live with the fear of paying child support when we never sort out my children future finish (lol). I told Hubby that I was going to replace her but that he should please try to maintain a professional behaviour with whoever comes next..... guy man flared up o! that there is nothing wrong with the way he relates to her and that he would still relate the same way with whoever I bring next ........
my fellow BVs, I then became weary o, to top it up, he said its risky to bring in another person bla bla bla, the one that shocked me was when he said that whoever I bring next would only get food allowance that is like half what the current person gets.
I thought it was a joke o, Hubby started keeping malice with me on top the matter claiming that I dont trust him. I am so confused as he prays almost all the time so its really hard for me to even figure out where he stands. Do you guys think anything is going on? is it right for him to be that close to my Au Pairs?
Am I over reacting?
Please Stella, I need your red pen, experienced, married BVs, please advise me o, I will be in the comments section
Finally, please forgive typos, I am very confused right now.
Thanks
*You made a mistake in even confronting him with the video you saved...To make peace,apologise to him and continue watching them.....until you catch them you cannot accuse him of anything...If your hubby tries anything with her her and she is not interested,be sure to hear about it.....
Relax and set a trap for them,its possible your hubby is not interested..it is also possible he is........
Apologise to him to distract him from thinking you suspect him...
If you have to get another aupair,look specifically for a one not good looking at all...
I know a couple in London that their au pair crashed their marriage and married the man after the divorce.....
If you wanna get someone again, get an elderly woman. All this prayer holy men, fear them.
ReplyDeleteLolll, e be like say you no know Nigerian men, horny hegoats.
DeleteEven if the woman is 95 years, they will still want to try.
I suggest you get all those Chinese robots. Kpata kpata they will be wanking on the body of the robot na?
Poster, you spoke to soon. You should have observed the whole situation first.
DeleteThink he is looking for a way to frustrate you now. Saying new person would only get half.
For someone who prays as you say, your husband doesn’t exhibit the fruit of the spirit. Your husband isn’t who he claims he is.
Observe him closely while expectIng the worst so you wouldn’t be shocked when it happens.
You were at fault for asking him to maintain a professional behavior with who ever comes next. That was unnecessary since you both had trashed out the incident. Bringing it up again wasn't necessary. Perhaps, the in-law situation you talked about, kept you on you toes, but don't go about hoping for the worst in your spouse. So far as I deduce from your story, he is a good man despite his imperfections.
DeleteThe elders say there is a reason the ears were created open and the mouth closed. It's not everything that you quickly blurt out. Weigh and choose your words, how would the receiver take it, let your words be spiced with grace.
The always be observant and nip things in the bud silently.
What I would have done differently would be to search for someone else, fire her quietly and give my husband a story on why she had to leave.
"Be wise as serpent and gentle as dove"
Oturugbekeme!!!!! Stella ur closing comment got me o. Poster go with Stella’s advise I also think u shld not v confronted him.
DeleteSeriously poster, you made a mistake by confronting him too soon. You should have kept your cool and continued observing. Now he knows you are watching.
DeleteI don't think replacing the au pair is the answer. If i were in your shoes, i would really want to know who my husband really is, and what he is capable of. It's too important.
Distract him by being agreeable. If possible, let him know the cctv has been removed.
I'm sorry this seems like you don't trust him, but he has shown questionable traits and you deserve to know what is truly up.
Poster, you should have observed them longer before drawing conclusions. Good thing you have a CCTV so you would have been able to observe properly. By asking him, you may have put him on alert..that is if he had such intentions o. Bringing a very pretty young person as au pair was risky...some of them even come to seduce the man of the house. Good luck
DeleteMy SIL hubby that prays all the time. He greets and replies greetings with "God bless you" always carrying bible up and down. Mid night prayer 5nights a week. She trusted him so much. He was finally disgraced at work after he was caught with a female colleague in his office. Turns out other colleagues already knew about the affair but just kept mute.
DeleteDuring the family meeting this idiot claimed he wasn't really doing anything with her that she has been barren for years in her marriage and she only sat on his erect dick to tap anointing for fertility.
Some men are shameless
Let me give u a small story.My uncle's friends wife brought a Nanny to stay with them, his wife is from imo, achakacha nwanyi, she had her suspicions but guy man was too carried away by a mixed race, according to story, she fired the girl and d girl threatened to sue her, somehow she calmed down and over looked both of them
DeleteThe lady left months after, surfaced with a baby, Uncle started paying child support, problem upon problem. Finally,
Uncle was brought back home in a coffin , she blew his head off. The story was everywhere in Ogidi
Madam do what u have to do now and lay her off. I don talk finish
Haaaaha poster you are a learner
DeleteFirst of ALL I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO STELLA AND THIS BLOG
I've been here for years even before getting married and I learnt from the married women here before I got hitched...Thank you Ezenwanyi and Yinkus
I kept all my proof and records for 4 years before I dropped the bomb
Hacked every hackable after I noticed a lot of kurukere moves ...snooped and saved the info
I only dropped the bomb this week...guyman is shocked...keep your proof to yourself until you've been able to build a case...
My own can pray and give alms yet na I'm do pass...I learnt from the blog and on this marriage relationship that SOME of these dudes ain't loyal...trust them at your own detriment
Madam even me im a very confident beautiful person but i CANNOT hire an aupair o. My people living in the UK have live in nannys too. One was brought from Nigeria,shes been with them 8yrs now. The other too is an old Nigerian lady and they do a good job even clean and cook Nigerian food sef. Pls are there none of such people in ur side,they could be Ghanian too.
DeleteI personally too also have an old woman as nanny. They need alot of training sometimes cos they may have their old ways,but u will be patient and teach them ur own ways.
Pls send that aupair away. Iv heard too many bad stories abt dem biko.
I just thought you acted too fast.
DeleteHe might want to take it out of the house where you won't even know or suspect anything.
Just like Stella advised ,apologise ,and be on the look out.
You don't want to be the one that will be blamed after he must have cheated and made you feel like you made him do it.
Sherikok WHAT did you just gist us?!!! Inukwa fertility anointing!
DeleteMy thoughts too @ Brown Sucre. I agree with your first and second statements.
DeleteI think poster already knows by intuition what her husband is capable of.
Let her take precautions and prepare for the worst.
Poster please take image scale's advice... if your husband is really who he claims to be, he 'd listen to you just like Abraham listened to Sarah... your husband is up to something because if he isn't, your request shouldn't be an issue... may God see you through
DeleteGet a male au pair nah. Must they be female?
DeleteMale au pair? So they should molest her children because she wants to “keep” a grown man from cheating? What of the attractive women he works with
DeleteThe truth is, I'm scared on your behalf. You would have kept your cool instead of confronting him. Keep watching them, hope it will not turn out bad oh.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't have a married mother immigrant candidate?
DeleteIf it's me, I only say a very short prayer that God should move her to a better place. Anytime I pray in love about someone who could cause me discomfort, from no where the girl will just get an offer somewhere she can't resist and move.
Meanwhile, your husband is still the problem. I have never trusted spirikoko men.
He prays all the time? What a naive comment.untill he sell house ontop your head. Act like everything is perfect and keep your eyes open but please stop being oblivious
ReplyDeleteIt is not a naive comment. There should be certain expectations for a man who prays all the time.
DeleteNope! The Pharisees prayed always and for long, even in the public. Guess what? They are HYPOCRITES! All for show.
DeleteTrue Christian = Christ-like character i.e. the fruits of the Spirit.
Most Au pairs come with ulterior motives, take it to the bank. I know 4 mixed chics who became au pairs to Norway with motives up their sleeves.
ReplyDeletePlease what's au pairs,my learned fellow bvs?
Deleteyou're very correct.
DeleteEveryone just has to be careful .
A live in nanny...sometimes, from another country or state, takes care of your house n kids for a small fee.
DeleteFind the answer to your question by reading the chronicle@anony 16:54
DeleteBlackberry, it's the husband that has an ulterior motive in this story.
DeleteHe had to show the au pair 'something' on the phone that close, in such a position and at night. He's got no respect for wifey or self-respect.
Can you imagine wifey doing the same?
Better forget all this au pair business. My husband is an investment banker working terrible hours and combined we are at almost $1m annually.
ReplyDeleteIf you cannot find an old mama au pair please look after your children and work with what you have. Get a schedule for yourself and have a routine. Train your children to be independent. Forget Nigerian life of driver, cook maid etc and form a bond with your family.
Even if your husband is holy don’t leave room for any nonsense that will turn to apologies.
I work full time as an attorney in New York also. So dont imagine I’m a housewife
Delete15.30 anon did not say you are a housewife, she merely suggested working with what you have, which could be exploring flexible work hours, career change etc.
DeletePlease get an older woman please?
DeleteAnon 15.10 👍
DeleteIf he wants to cheat he will still cheat. They sleep with the old mamas and even the underaged girl. How do you stop a man from cheating ?Men that don’t sleep with attractive nannies aren’t he goats
DeleteBrings to mind what happened in Arnold Schwarzenegger's household. Choi!
DeleteArnold Schwarzenegger’s nanny wasn’t even attractive. And she wasn’t even the only nanny they had (his wife is a Kennedy and by far the richer one). He still cheated
DeleteWhy were you not patient enough to gather enough evidence before confronting him?
ReplyDeleteIf he was up to no good, he now knows how to be xtra careful with his movements.
And what if it was actually a harmless thing...asking her to view something on his phone? Trust issues.
If you like, get an ugly nanny, a cheat will always cheat. Pussy ain’t ugly, I hope you know that.
Give him benefit of the doubt and calm your nerves. If you feel so insecure, maybe you should resign and look after your home.
I'm telling. Body parts ain't ugly. A cheat is a cheat.
DeleteAfter our first baby was born, my mum came to my house, took one look at our house help then and later told my wife, "they don't keep goat and yam in the same room"
DeleteOkoro so your are a goat. And you’re proud to type it here.
DeleteYa mum knows you wella......
DeleteI dont think it was wrong that you approached him about your concerns, just maybe you could have waited until you had more leverage to back up your suspicions or displeasure.
ReplyDeleteFirstly as a human being that feeling that someone is watching would come off the wrong way, whether you're viewing the cctv footage for good , he would now take it out of context as your way of monitoring him ,
Secondly there is absolutely nothing wrong with you having any form of insecurity especially if you're a free spirited person, when you have an odd feeling about someone you shouldn't take it for granted .
Thirdly for peace sake you should apologise to him and maybe make him know you went about this the wrong way and neither is it you don't trust him but you just have an unrest in your spirit .
If he's still keeping malice , give him some time to cool off.
But you should go ahead to replace her if he decides on only contributing a certain amount , makeup the balance and just set boundaries.
This issue isn't worth any marital crisis it shouldn't even be an issue as you both should be on the same page.
I know it's difficult but please try not to confront your spouse until you have evidence, undeniable evidence.
ReplyDeleteMadam, if you didn't confront him before now, you would have been able to lay off the lady peacefully.
But right now, pretend all is well, and lay off the lady, please do not keep her longer... i am also married to a man who doesn't miss any church activities, and prays every day, but his lies and escapades are worse than that of people who sniff cocaine and club every day.
Next time, get an older lady who is not so attractive, only bring in a hottie biracial when 'you are tired of the marriage and seeking an excuse to divorce him' because he will definitely fall. I don't trust any man.
Madam, I will call you only once! Your husband is a man with a d**k, forget if say na him dey hold bazooka for prayer. A pretty girl will surely catch his attention. The girl hasn't stayed a 6 months yet and he is already comfortable calling her to watch video on his phone. He is not a baby. He knows he should keep a healthy distance from her but his d**k is looking for the slightest opportunity to catch feelings. Don't wait to catch him doing nothing. You will be risking him developing more feeling for her. Send her away immediately. Don't say you were not warned, o. Men are visual creatures. He loves you but a young beautiful woman living in the same house with y'all is a BIG temptation.
DeleteI totally agree with Jay Stephen's. Make hay while the sun shines. Pls send her away
DeleteMadam so like you're the husband in the house. It's like you're the only one that make sole decisions and your husband is just a figure head.
ReplyDeleteSo that is all you got from the write up? Grow up Don.
DeleteMadam, that Au pair or whatever you called her will fill your house with babies! 😮😮
ReplyDeleteWhat is in that house that you cannot do that you need a live in Nanny?
Can't a nanny come and go and can't you get an elderly (preferably of pure African decent) woman instead of a "biracial beauty" for your husband?
Leemao!!! You think it's someone of African descent that is ugly and cannot have affair with her husband? Think again.
DeleteMadam, get someone to come in and clean your house on weekends. Outsource all housework you can't do by yourself. Put your kid in daycare or get someone to come in daily to take care of the kid till you come back from work.
Don't you or your husband have mother or Aunty to come live with you?
So someone cannot trust their spouse in this life again? God have mercy
Always trust your instincts ,you should have quietly replaced her,cos these meme are something else,id advise you still replace her
ReplyDeleteMen
ReplyDeleteWomen
DeletePlease your hubby is not saying the truth.
ReplyDeleteWhy should your decision to bring in another nanny make him flare up so bad?
He should have supported your move to go for another live in nanny when he sense your discomfort with the pretty one.
The truth will soon come out in the open, keep bidding your time.
*sensed
Delete*biding
Poster please do not wait for the truth to come out o... send that girl away... GOD will give her a better job, please.
DeleteSounds like the nanny is not interested in him but he’s crushing on her. Because if she was interested they would just continue outside. But as she’s not interested he wants to make sure he sees her as much a possible
DeleteDo not be deceived, even if he ‘PRAYS ALL THE TIME’ that does not make him a saint! Bid your time and pray yourself to the Holy Spirit who show all things that are concealed.
ReplyDeleteWhat's Au pair ?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteAre you this daft, bro? Did you not see where it was put in bracket live in nanny? Or did you not read the post? Ok, let me break it down for you in local language; it's called house help.
DeleteIf actually read thoroughly, you would have seen the meaning in the provided bracket
Delete15:51, you could have told him without calling him a daft, it’s not nice.
DeleteGuess covid 19 is making you have a bad day.
Did you need to insult him because he asked a harmless question? Na wa for una oh
DeletePlus, as someone training to be a lawyer, it's expected you should be well read.
DeleteEven Google or a dictionary would have given the answer if he didn't want to read the chronicle again. Lazy beevees.
DeletePrayer changes everything..stick to God and let him drive the affairs of your home.
ReplyDeleteBrother nwannem
DeleteGive this advice when you catch a man on your wife shagging the living daylight out of her.
Can you give balanced responses to chronicles by putting yourself in the posters shoes?
If your kid gets back from school with other people's crayons stuffed in her pants so you will just pray and let it slide?
Na kwa echecki unku CJ
Poster do not just pray alone... pray and do something about it... send that girl away... what does the bible call Faith with out works?
Delete18.19 🤣😂
DeleteWhen you are in a marriage, trust is very important.
ReplyDeleteTo maintain this trust, you have to live in the Spirit; regular fasting times, Studying of the Scripture and praying. Just praying is not enough. The fear of the Lord which is the beginning of wisdom come through the knowledge of the Word of God.
So my dear lady, you cannot live in a home charged with mistrust. Discuss your fears with your husband and
since you "prayed and decided to sack her," I understand this as "a leading from the Lord". So you see why I talk about a discussion with your husband.
He should be able to understand your point of view in not needing the girl's services again.
Apart from this, a lot of work is required from you both to build trust in this marriage.
She said he started lieing and that's when she started having doubts...
DeleteMadam poster the problem here is the beautiful aupair you hired, men are easily carried away by what they see, now imagine she starts giving him attention. We're human beings and ANYONE can be temtpted, so stop it before it starts and why is he getting angry ????.
I have been in your situation I'll say follow your instincts and please apologise to him for peace to reign(as you did not catch him naa)
Are you guys for real here?? Pray, Sprit, and discussion will stop a man who has cheating in his DNA?
DeleteWhen your partner actually gives you reasons to be suspicious of his intentions, please trust your instincts and find out who he really is. Stop using prayer to cover things up, until you get badly burned.
Her husband and other men with roving eye haven't met an au pair from hell that will accuse or sue them for sexual harassment.
DeleteBiracial white or colourless, these black men be setting themselves up for a moment's sinful thrill.
The underlying issue is lack of trust. She has stopped trusting her husband, and sorry to say, he caused it. Still Stella is right in that you were too quick to confront without evidence. You need to be very prayerful, people that protest too much are usually guilty, so I too don't trust your hubby from your narrative. Send the girl away, but the underlying problem has to be dealt with or it will still rear its head. All the best poster.
DeleteYou been too forward. You would have relaxed and play along even if you see any suspicious act, don't be too quick to carry out action.
ReplyDeleteLeave the Nanny for peace sake, and be very smart and watch.
Man will always be man.
You can't keep goat and yam to get it, no matter how you trust your goat
Relax until her husband is snatched... so things can be avoided abeg
DeleteMadam, change the Au Pair!!!
ReplyDeleteUna go dy carry grown up ladies with curves everywhere to come and join you at home, all in the name of nanny, tempting the man like there's no blood in his vein.
ReplyDeleteNonsense.
Bring another one with big yansh and breast and watch her scatter your house.
My house, my kids, everything na him your own, where's "our own" ?
Even if she brings a baboon with flat chest and yash, does it make any difference??
DeleteAs much as I really don't agree with Don on anything, on this one he is correct. Even Madonna when she had her baby years ago, employed only elderly ugly nannies and she made sure they had no beautiful daughters come visit them. My point is au pairs i. general tend to be young, female and in their prime. Why on earth would you hire such a person. Imagine hiring a young, virile and good looking male nanny. No man would allow that. Madam, I live in a country where so many nannies ended up displacing the wife and the ogas end up marrying them. If you like be body confident and what not. You should never bring temptation into your own home.
DeleteNo excuse for weakness. Men have natural self-control like women. If not, how come these men do not cross the highway when they see a trailer or car hurtling down? 🙄
DeleteSin kills more than automobile accident because the first has eternal impact.
Brings*
DeleteNna leave "sin kills" matter there.
DeleteNa
ReplyDeleteWah for you o madam poster, you no sharp at all. You were not supposed to confront yet. You would have been monitoring your cctv all the time unti you catch him red handed if actually he had something to do with her. Well the deed had been done alreally, just apologize and don't give him any idea that you are still bothered about what happened, keep monitoring both of them.
You shouldn't have confronted him, instead after the prayer and message to replace her, you you should've stylishly fabricated a horrible dream about her which will convince oga to make her leave, somehow, it would've worked That has been my style for 20yrs
ReplyDeleteYou have been changing nannies for 20 years???????
DeleteNot like that I've had just 3, within my child bearing period and when my kids were still little
DeleteMadam there's fire on the mountain. I don't know why he's angry just because you want to change your maid. I smell rat here. Madam make sure you stylishly send the lady away whether Oga likes it or not. You're the madam of the house and once your instinct start telling you something you better act fast. Women institutions are one of their greatest assets on earth.
ReplyDeleteI guess you meant intuition.
DeleteThe nanny doesn’t want the man which is why he wants her around. Because he has no chance of seeing her outside the house. But it seems the man likes the nanny
DeleteDon't use your hand to destroy your marriage..
ReplyDeletePlease becareful in whatever decisions you are making..
You shouldn't have confronted him, instead after the prayer and message to replace her, you you should've stylishly fabricated a horrible dream about her which will convince oga to make her leave, somehow, it would've worked That has been my style for 20yrs. Because my oga also claims to be overly holy but from the conner of my eyes, i don catcham plenty times where he's doing apirori and postorori with house helps, so device a means of getting rid of the Au pair and get an elderly woman
ReplyDeleteYour hubby is not even supposed to interfere when it comes to your in house domestic staff. Let issues die down for now and quietly discharge her later since your not comfortable with them (trust your instincts).
ReplyDeleteIf your hubby ask tell him you can't live with someone you are not comfortable with as the woman of the home.
Thanks Anon 15:41, I really needed an answer to whether he is meant to interfere with my domestic staff.
DeleteAno 15:41 is right, he wasn't suppose to interfere... you're the madam of the house..do something about it asap to avoid stories that touch... may God give you the wisdom you need to go about this in Jesus name (Amen)
DeleteI really don't understand the advice I read here.
DeleteYou guys are basically encouraging this woman to continue distrusting her husband even without a single shred of evidence!
What is your husband is not supposed to interfere with your domestic staff? In a house that he also lives in? A staff that he also pays her salary?
Madam, kindly pray for wisdom and sieve the advice you read here.
Some of these people will lead you to destruction if you swallow everything.
I see you having trust issues. Work on yourself too.
Have you ever thought for just one minute If your husband was actually innocent of these allegations?
If he accused you in this manner, will you also like it?
I wish you well
@ ano 23:23 if he is entirely innocent changing the girl wouldn't be an issue
DeleteMy question is,why would he flare up when you told him you want to replace her? Something is really fishy.
ReplyDeleteHe prays regularly yet he is keeping malice with his wife. Who is does he usually pray to then?
Madam just calm down and observe them closely. God will still expose him if he is guilty.
Madam please do not take this advice... i bet you wouldn't like to catch him in the act.. it will be very painful, trust me... you need to act fast and you need to act now...if that girl is a temptation to your husband, he is human and will eventually yield to it if she remains
DeleteNa wa ooo
ReplyDeleteMadam help your husband get rid of sexual immorality. If David in the bible could fall prey, your husband is not jesus that cannot succumb to temptatio . therefore send that lady out. Even the bible says FLEE not think or rationalize because it's in a split second one gets arouse and the man's senses stop functioning. Get an older and overweight lady.
ReplyDeleteAnon 16:04... you are very much correct.. ano 16:05, until then, don't just assume... let her send the girl away first
DeleteThere is another issue.. what if he maintains contact with her even after you let her go?
ReplyDeleteAnd that's the worst part of it. The husband's attitude to the issue is very annoying and I want to assume he is a pretender. Most Spiriko men have ego issues and can pretend for Africa
DeleteNawa o...get another one. There's something fishy.
ReplyDeletePoster your husband is not the problem. I think the girls beauty eventually got to you. All of a sudden you started checking CCTV. What do you think you will see. Your description of what you saw is suggestive and is making the post seem one sided.
ReplyDeleteDon't use your insecurities to destroy your home, from your narrative your husband has never cheated before. Kindly get a child minder who can do 9 to 5 and you take charge afterwards.
Lovelace.
Wow..just wow. So her husband lying to her is not the problem? His getting unnecessarily cozy with the help is not the problem? Him flaring up at the idea of changing the help is not a problem?? She is the one with the insecurities, for no just cause. Wow.
DeleteThank you Mz Lynn. Red flags are there but people demand fire before their eyes can open. SMH
Delete1) you were too forward. To catch a monkey you act like a monkey.
ReplyDelete2) deed is done already now get rid of her as your spirit said so and for peace sake. Get a new one a older less attractive person please.
3)apologise to him draw a line and move on but pray and watch always if there is a next time you bid your time till you have solid prove.
4) if he says why are you getting rid of her as someone said above just tell him you feel uncomfortable with her in the house, might as well say this to him when you apologise and draw the line that for peace sake you will get rid and we can all start again.
I think you’re intimidated by her looks. Your husband would have hugged her and not even told you. It’s innocent. Stop giving him ideas. Don’t ever lose trust for your husband, I think you’re just being paranoid.. Relax
ReplyDeleteStop giving him ideas?
DeleteYou say?
JJC
Poster, like one BV said up there, you spoke out too quickly, you should have continue to monitor them.
ReplyDeletePlease, apologize to him just for peace to reign but, let him know that the au pair could sue him for sexual molestation in the nearest future (even if she consent to any secret affair with him)
You live in the state and you're very well aware of all the sexual molestation cases even when some consent to it.
Please, try and keep your peace and do not hate your au pair.
I pray peace and stability in your home.
Wow @ Mrs A! looks like you live in my house o(lol). I actually did not accuse him per say but started off by reminding him about all the molestation issues (me too movement etc). I told him he might not have any motive but the nanny had closed from work (she closes at 5:30) so he had no business calling her to the sofa at that time of the night and she could use it against him as she is street smart. I reminded him that some of the 'me too movement' stories were similar to his bla ba bla. Also, thanks, I prayed for grace not to hate the nanny and so far, God has been faithful as I have even been effortlessly nicer to her. Unfortunately, she cant leave ve now due to the covid 19 ish (flying to spain is quite risky you know). I will just keep praying.Thanks a lot
DeleteVery true about sexual molestation charge. This should reset his brain if he was even thinking it.
DeleteShe has to go .
DeletePeriod..
In the end he would be thankful you let her go.
I think this is the best advice here!! 'feed his fears' with sexual molestation stories innocently..... Changing the Nanny won't stop a cheating Man!!
DeleteThat is a really good point Ms A. Madam, please when you pray together, make one of your prayer points about that in a diplomatic way. Pray against the devourer destroying your husband's legacy and standing in the community. Pray the devil will not use negative press against him. Use the example of King David in the bible and stress that point with love. It is well.
DeleteY'all screaming prayer forget to mention that faith without work is nothing... that girl has to go,please...this shouldn't be an issue sef
DeleteListen to your heart.
ReplyDeleteHmn, all of you saying she should replace her, na wao. What is the helps crime? That she is pretty, so you all are in support of sacking her because she is pretty even though she might not have evil intensions. Put yourselfs in the househelp shoes, its not fair on her. If she was going to sack her just like that, then she shouldnt have employed her in the first place
ReplyDeleteMy dear.... The issue is even the husband and not the help!!!
DeleteShe needs to speak to her husband meanwhile still keep an eye on them.... You can't just sack someone because she's pretty🤷♀️🤷♀️
Thank God for CCTV, keep evidence!!
Rainbow you spoke my mind on this. It's unfair to replace the au pair. Why should she be made to lose her job at a husband's indiscretion?
DeleteConsider how she went through the interview, was hired and flew out to take up the job.
She could even sue for being unjustly fired.
Poster keep her besides, your husband already knows you are unto his moves. He will caution himself.
@ Rainbow if her heart is pure... God will definitely bless her with a better job.. read up the story of Haggai in the bible...
DeleteAnd just because her heart is pure doesn't mean the devil can't use her to cause uproar in the marriage, please.
So if you were in the poster's shoes and your instincts alerted you, you would fold your hands and do nothing because you don't want to offend the pretty nanny?
DeleteAll of you saying bring old woman of African descent...hmmmm...those ones come with a whole set of REAL issues too. Poster you should also consider that your hubby may be reacting this way not because he had any intentions towards the au pair but because of your mistrust by watching him on CCTV and asking him about it. If it was an innocent act on his part, it could trigger anger. That is why you should have got more concrete evidence before confronting him.
ReplyDeleteAll ye people shouting concrete evidence, do you think it will be easy?... that might even break the marriage into pieces... please poster, do not wait for concrete evidence, you might regret it.
DeleteLet me tell you a story that happened in court madam poster. A woman filed for divorce against her husband and said alot of things against him, the man kept mute. She requested for all the properties, the man said no problem. The Magistrate now asked him if he had anything to say and he said no but he had a request, he pointed at the house maid sitting behind the wife and said that is what he wants. The house maid in question is very busty and hippy with better ass so you can imagine what happened next.
ReplyDeleteMadam ...use your tongue to count your teeth...the earlier u nip this in the bud, the better.
What does this even mean??
DeleteSo it's not obvious what the comment means? 😒
DeletePoster take Amethyst advice.
DeleteNa dem! Shiooor
DeleteSweetheart, your hubby may be a spirit filled, tongues speaking prayer warrior but the most significant of all these attributes is that he is HUMAN! It is rather brave or incredibly naive of you to believe a mere mortal cannot or will not lie. That's placing an unnaturally high expectation on your husband. Don't you think that's an unfair burden to place on anyone? I'm not referring to fidelity, by default, it's "expected" that partners should be faithful to each other, even when that isn't the case. I'm referring to the "no lies" ideology. Real talk? Everyone lies one time or another, for whatever reason(s).
ReplyDeleteJust because you're a skilled swimmer doesn't mean you should take dives arbitrarily, with zero considerations to the depth or strength of the waves in that particular body of water. Just because you are self-confident and believe your hubby is pious, doesn't mean you shouldn't be wary of whom you let into your home. A lot of men who cheat, never believed nor had the intention of cheating. They did because the day temptation catwalked into their vicinities, they were weak.
Don't be ignorant, darling, a man is physiologically wired to respond to an attractive woman. Why do you think some pastors insist that their wives be present during counselling sessions involving women? It's not that they are weak, rather they know to err is human and they don't want to take chances. Hiring a live-in, attractive au pair is possibly less than smart. True, you have no proof, but your hubby calling her to watch whatever on his phone is inappropriate. It's even worse when it involves close proximity. Boundaries must be respected.
In this era of the "me too" movement, your hubby has to be extremely careful. All a lady has to do is to claim sexual harassment and your hubby is stuffed! By default, a black man is guilty until proven innocent and not the other way around. There's a similar case I'm mediating over, luckily for the man involved, the lady has agreed to alternative dispute resolution instead of going straight to the police. This case is frighteningly similar to yours. Your hubby might just be one inappropriate move away from a sexual harassment suit. You guys are not in Nigeria, you are in a country where the wrong smile at the wrong lady can cost your hubby his entire life's savings.
It would be wise to shut this down before it escalates. He seems to be doing too much too soon. Bite the bullet and suffer the consequences of laying her off, you may just be saving your hubby for imminent danger. Next time be very careful while selecting a person who will be a de facto member of your family, who has access to your hubby and your baby. Your hubby isn't a saint and neither are you, stop expecting saintly returns so you don't get the shocker of your life.
e-hugs and kisses.
OMG! I feel so stupid I cant stop crying, you so right its all my fault. God I need you now more than ever. What was I thinking? Thanks Ronalda, thanks ya all. I will peacefully lay her off as soon as the lock down is lifted
DeleteI agree with Ronalda too and for the mean time, keep a close watch on her. God bless and keep your home
DeleteMrs Ronalda that’s not how sexual harassment or me too works. It’s one of the most under prosecuted crimes which is why so many women get assaulted and nothing happens. How many rich men do you know have actually been prosecuted. Even the poor ones. Lay the girl off all you want but if that man wants to cheat, he will. Also, if he has been looking for excuses to punish you or keep malice with you, he will definitely use that as an excuse. People hire underage or aging women to avoid cheating but that doesn’t stop the husbands from sleeping with or molesting those girls. Men cheat on their perfect stay at home wives with career women so there’s no avoiding cheating for someone who decides to cheat. She even leaves at 5.30pm. Lay the woman off to put your own mind at bay but remember at the back of your mind that if your husband wants to cheat or mistreat you he will, and it’s not your fault
DeleteMrs Ronalda please as a lawyer be more factual and responsible on me too cases especially as a woman. Au pairs are often the victims here and not lecherous goldiggers. Please Nigerian women do better. Not everyone is after your husbands. Be honest and admit that it’s most of them doing the chasing. It’s likely that this au pair is rebuffing the husband’s advances else she’d have left ages ago and used her beauty and mixed race advantage in the black community to become a rich man’s girlfriend or mistress
You are so sensible. You are one person an a very high IQ. Thanks for this piece of advice.
Delete“A man is psychologically wired to respond to an attractive woman” but women can have drivers and security men but no one wonders how we respond. Do you know for a fact Ronalda that your husband doesn’t find your “ugly” nannies or friends attractive. Also the au pair doesn’t live In the house. She leaves at 5.30pm. Sometimes it’s like you rush to write these long epistles where you use nice words to judge the posters and you end up not really reading to understand. Anyway the poster seems to agree with you so well done.
DeleteAs usual it’s easy to judge the women: the nannies, the wives, the friends, mistresses even, because we are not a society that holds men accountable. The problem is not the nanny, even if she’s Beyoncé, the problem is that the man doesn’t even respect his wife enough to honour her decision to replace a nanny. And if this behaviour goes unchecked, he will surely do worse things to the wife and will lie to his family (as the poster said he has done before) and once again go unchecked.
Poster remove the nanny for your own insecurities (which I totally understand and don’t judge), but know that the problem here is your husband’s ego and how he treats you, and not the nanny
You too, poster, are a beautiful woman with an amazing career who has made a top class upper class life for herself. Not even many rich Americans can afford that. So remember that when this man disrespects you. You may love him and want to stay married at all costs, but remember that you too, are a prize. You’re worthy of respect and accountability
And before the lock down is over pls keep your eyes open to nip any useless play play in the bud. Be very prayerful.
DeleteFirst of all, why did you employ a young woman as a live in nanny? Haaa una get mind oooo. What happened to elderly women?
ReplyDeleteSecondly, you are too fast 8n confronting your husband. Your should have waited to get something tangible.
Lastly, please send that nanny packing asap before it's too late.
You think these women aren’t sleeping with their elderly nannies? Okay now. My aunty that sacked everyone and was cleaning her mansion by herself. Who did her husband impregnate? A groundnut seller. Should we also start hawking groundnut. If this woman was a housewife she’d get insulted for not having her own money
DeleteYour confidence and nature of being intentional is admirable of a woman but you are not HR to your spouse. Adulthood and relationship involves a lot of tact and diplomacy. Not all pain should be spoken of. Some pain requires decisive action not words. Once you sense this kind of incidents in your marriage, never speak until you have evidence. If you're (impatient) a no nonsense person like me, don't wait for rubbish. He will come home one day and sis would have been replaced. If he wants to sleep with her, he will pay for hotel, not inside my house, not caring for my kids.
ReplyDeleteApart from the fact that we are all humane and fallible, I have come to realize that there are 'prayer-Christians'.. people who love praying because of the power of prayer not because of love of God. As long as prayer helps them get what they want - their following God is based on outcomes of the prayers and not deep rooted. Be there a storm or trial of any sort and they jump to try alternative means (short-cut) without blinking. I have dated such guys who are prayer warriors but see nothing wrong with fornication or exam mal-practice (sorting), even while 'fasting'. It's heartbreaking to realize that they are different from what they portray, I know cos it's happened to me. Abeg, by their FRUITS you shall know them.
ReplyDeleteOn your husband matter, thread carefully. You already approached him too early, but just apologize and tell him that you are led by prayer to let her go. Ronalda raised a great point- your husband asking her to come close and watch whatever is WRONG. She is his subordinate, so he should be careful. Even a consensual affair between them will be frowned upon in a court of law. I cannot even tell any of my male students to come watch a video if we are alone in a class. You can bring this up with him and tell him to protect his image & career, this is ME-TOO era. Goodluck!
NB: By the way I love the whole me-too era. Only God knows what househelps, nannies and secretaries went through in the hands of their masters before CCTV and ME-TOO started catching them. Pls let's raise our boys to be wise & responsible.
Nice one nib, esp your first paragraph.
DeleteStella why didn’t you post my comment? Lady hirer of nanny. You better change your schedule and look after your kids. Two kids are not a lot, get a baby sitter if they can’t go to daycare.
ReplyDeleteAfricans always want to form rubbish. The real rich people don’t have foreign au pairs.
Don’t look back full of regrets.
Your mothers should help and you should adjust accordingly. Simple!
If she stays home and he cheats now (which is very likely) you people will insult her that she doesn’t have her own money and she should get a job. Stay at home and throw away your life to be a cleaner and nanny just for the husband to cheat on you with a career woman or have a mistress who makes him pay for multiple cleaners. Has anyone EVER told a Nigerian man to quit his job and become the plumber/driver/gateman? Please don’t send your daughters to school so they can spend all their days washing plates so their husbands won’t cheat
DeleteNigerian women will hire underaged girls and chop their hair off and make them wear big clothes, or hire aging women, be a housewife AND a career woman AND a sexy goddess AND a humble mute who never questions her all knowing husband ....so he won’t cheat
DeleteYet they still cheat. Because they know they will get away with it and will even be begged
They are still raping these underaged girls, sleeping with the grandmas, raping the foreign fillipino nannies, sleeping with anyone that will answer them. This disrespect of their wives is enough. What manner of rubbish
If it’s not a beautiful au pair today, if he wants to sleep with a McDonald’s cashier or career woman or university student, he will. And it’s because they are seen as prizes that can treat women anyhow.
Rich Nigerian men that marry white women also have good looking au pairs and I DARE them to treat their Oyibo wives that way. The wife is even begging him of me too and he won’t listen. The day he sexually harasses that girl he will now remember his Nigerian wife and he using her to beg
This one inferiority complex wan kill am
DeleteWetin concern Africans and forming rubbish?
Is everything thing ok?
Which one is the real rich people dont have foreign au pairs?
This woman was trying to save you from embarrassing yourself that's why your comment was not posted initially
Unen shoooooo
You’re saying rubbish dear. If “The real rich don’t have nannies” who is hiring those nannies that go to expensive academies in England and Switzerland and speak Mandarin and other languages. Mark zuckerberg and Tony elumelu’s wives are full time doctors. The wives of rich white men have charities and events to host. ONLY black women married to black men are tasked with worrying about disrespect because our community allows the men to act like kings accountable to no one.
DeleteBe a slave and cinderella in your home if you like but that won’t stop any man from cheating (especially Nigerian men who act like cheating is the reason they got married)
The post up there is the story of my life. Thank God for saving me from a married man that almost used me to destroy his home. In 1993, i worked as an au pair in the UK to make ends meet. I started working for this affluent Nigerian christian family in Cardiff. Big house good pay, very kind wife and very decent children. I decided to leave after a year cos i couldn't bear the kindness of the wife towards me while the husband fucks me almost every night. He kept telling me how lazy she was, how he was tired of her, how ds how dat. This man pumped me with cash and greedy me was enjoying the flow. My offdays were sundays and i go spend it with my sister. This man will arrange for us to meet in a hotel for a one hour fuck.........what opened my eyes was when she celebrated her 50th birthday, you need to see him on the Mic dishing out accolades, praying and speaking in tongues, he danced and kept holding and kissing her.....i opened up to my sister and left them. Mrs. A.S, i dont know if you are on this blog, my name is Oladapo (you fondly called me OlaRay), this was why i left. Please forgive me.
ReplyDeleteThank God you realized your mistakes
DeleteHusband cheats with friends- women stay away from friends
ReplyDeleteHusband molests or sleeps with nannies- women don’t have nannies
Husband cheats on housewife- women get jobs
Husband cheats on career woman- women stay at home
Husband cheats on perfect wife- woman blames (invisible) mistress
Husband molests daughters- women blame daughters or look away
There’s no woman that’s ugly. Even the “ugly” underaged ones or aged grandmas. Getting such a nanny soothes your own insecurities but doesn’t avoid any cheating of any sort. Get a nanny you feel comfortable with but know that this has nothing to do with the “attractive” au pair. She probably wasn’t even that attractive and was probably not interested in the husband- afterall she has access to richer, more successful men especially in a city like New York -but because of your husband’s behaviour you are now feeling somehow. I won’t tell you what to do but PLEASE, please don’t blame yourself for any wrong actions he will take. It seems like he is crushing on the au pair he isn’t interested in him and is lashing out at you for the imaginary chance he had to woo her
You need to tell us your age. Cos you're not intelligent at all. So you think it's by beauty that men stay faithful and don't cheat?! Ode!
ReplyDeleteGod made you see a video(Season 1, episode half, for that matter), You didn't wait to finish the episode, you confronted him with half evidence. Ani Ode ni e!
You used to believe he can never lie but the in-law issues made you realize he can lie. So there people who can never lie? Ani Ode ni e se!
Au pair is coming for the first time ever, (only) hubby went to pick her. Yet you believed a hug was basic. And it's good that Oga knows himself as oga. See confuionist! Ode ni yin ma.
With this your mentality I'm sorry for your husband. He may not even be such a man, but this your dundee attitude will definitely push him. Instead of you to focus on being a desirable and emotionally intelligent wife, mother and woman, you're there overworked by stupid suspicions. Yoruba says "igi gogoro ma gun mi loju... (See the last sentence of my entire comment).
I see a lot problems with your relationship with your husband than the au pair ish.
You need a lot of schooling. Oo gbon rara (you're not intelligent at all). I've never seen anyone more self righteous or sure footed. Talking about your beauty like it a pass to paradise. How are you even so certain? Beauty they say, is in the eyes of the beholder. You sound so vain with your comparison on your beauty with hers.
Go with Stella's advice though.
Who employs a pretty lady as a live-in nanny?!
So you can't make known your points without insulting the poster.Odè nlà
DeleteShe’s not a live in she leaves at 5.30. Sounds like you didn’t tread the write up you just felt like insulting the poster. Well done Mrs marriage wisdom. Hope you can vouch with yourself that your husband isn’t cheating (seeing as you have all the wisdom)
DeleteThe poster even brought up her looks to emphasise her self confidence. Is that what is paining you?
Poster don't mind anon10:15.
DeleteHer last sentence contradicts her argument against your self confidence.
If it is true that appearance is not a deciding factor in infidelity, then you employing a pretty nanny shouldn't be avoided, it shouldn't be what will make your husband fall.
Your confidence is good, but with another young woman in the house, your husband who might be approaching middle age might be experiencing some middle-age insecurities and want to boost it with attention from a young pretty nanny.
If you decide to beg you can use reverse psychology on him, tell him you thought she was coming on him as he is sooo fine and hot.....
If it's just middle-age crisis, it should work to cool him. Then keep watch.
Whatever decision you make, think about the possible consequences and how you mean to deal with them.
It will prepare you for whatever happens.
Anon 10:21, there's no way you typed these insults with a clear eye.
DeleteStay away from drugs love. You'll ruin yourself
Pls follow ur instincts
ReplyDeleteMen can be very funny
U should follow ur instincts
ReplyDeleteMen can be very funny
Relieve the girl of her duties.. employ an older black ,plain Nanny.Split the allowance btw your and your husband since he won't pay the full allowance if u get someone else..Cuz it seems he is already attached to this nanny..Imagine getting all work up over it.
ReplyDeleteNo be by prayer and spiritkoko oooo..Don't let that deceive you.Save all evidence.. Quit confronting him..