Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists - Parenting A Child With Disability.

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Saturday, April 25, 2020

Saturday In House Gists - Parenting A Child With Disability.

For every parent, finding out that your child has a disability must be a very hard pill to swallow. 







You first start by asking God why it had to be you it happened to. You wonder how you are going to face the world with this child. Sometimes, some parents feel emotionally detached from the child. Anger for oneself, blaming yourself and even rejection from the family and sometimes the husband are the order of the day.

Disability is not just limited to the physical alone. We have the likes of dyslexia, Down syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Autism etc. It is really a difficult chore taking care of children with such disabilities and the financial and emotional strain can tear families apart.



One BV says...

''I have a friend whose baby was just diagnosed with Down syndrome. She is seriously contemplating giving the child up for adoption because according to her, she can never love the child. .....

Another friend divorced her husband because he asked her to terminate a pregnancy when the doctors discovered signs of disability in the fetus from the scan. She couldn’t bear killing a child she prayed for 12 years for and till date, she says that the baby is the greatest gift she has ever gotten''.


The stigma surrounding these disabilities is overwhelming because some people do not understand why other people are different from everyone else. Children with disabilities are often bullied by both family members and outsiders when all they need is love, patience and understanding .....

Do you have any stories to tell?

56 comments:

  1. Both decision is fine. From time immemorial you either keep and care for children with special needs on your own or you give them up for adoption.

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    Replies
    1. I am here to encourage everyone passing through this. Its not an easy journey.
      Nigeria as a country doesn't make provision for these kids.
      There are alot of disorders, that even go unnoticed, because these kids act do not really show signs of any disability or you as a parent do not recognize them.
      When they grow up, they have a problem learning at a different pace with their pairs and they label them "dull".
      To all parents, take out time to know your kids, this isolation has given you the perfect opportunity, know their strengths and weaknesses.

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  2. 😭😭😭😭😭😭To all mother's/parents going tru this, GOD sees ur efforts and it will be rewarded in due time. Ijn.

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  3. This situation is really a tough one for those in it.
    I know a very active, happy lady that has one.
    She is now a shadow of her former self, due to the total exhaustion that comes with taking care of her child.
    Sometimes, she is even confused of her feelings for her child, due to the toll is taking on her, coupled with the fact that she was abandoned because of the situation.
    Very 😔

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    Replies
    1. Let her join SUPER PARENTS on Facebook

      Delete
  4. Nobody prays for a special needs child but if you're blessed work one, then its your prerogative to bring up that child with all the love in you.

    They can be quite a handful, but most of them are usually really smart and sweet. Most of these really active kids that "do not hear word" may actually be on the autistic spectrum. Some parents try to beat it out of them but it doesn't work. Professional evaluation and counseling is needed if you are in this situation. Beating and yelling does not solve nothing.

    To all special needs parents and special needs kids, we see you, we love you. 🤗🤗😘😘

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  5. Nigeria doesn't have the right facilities in place to support children with disabilities, especially for the poor. That's why these children are often abandoned or not properly taken care of

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    Replies
    1. Exactly, the government has failed in providing a conducive environment for them, but citizens have failed too in showing them kindness. You'll be amazed that policies exist for them but we citizens have a role to play in implementing the existing policies before clamoring for new ones. Also Nigerian comedians for years made mockery of their conditions in their silly way of attacking the already oppressed while dancing with the oppressors. I'm glad they've all been called out and are now forced to rewrite their jokes or leave the profession.

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    2. There is one by Yabatech/Unilag. They r doing fairly ok there. Modupe or so. We as humans also owe it to such kids to visit or just do benevolence.

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  6. God bless you Stella for bringing up this topic a lot of people like to avoid.This issue is a very sad one I must say It is not peculiar to Nigeria because I have been opportune to travel to places you would think things would be different but the case is the same.See Otedola for example with all his exposure and wealth and see how he shows off his girls compared to how he shows off his son that has autism.The truth is,it’s hard to take care of kids with special needs,it takes the life away from the parents cos you have to dedicate all your time in taking care of them.What parent will dedicate 24 hours of every day to a child?theres work,your own life and your partners involved too and if you say you want to take them where they take care of them or get a nanny,well some of us know how horrible that is.No matter how good anybody is,it is very very difficult.Thats the honest truth.

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  7. I really don't think it's right to give your "special needs"child for adoption Why?
    You can't have the child live with you? You don't love him or her? Why burden someone else?
    No child wants to come to this world with certain special needs. No matter what, your child is yours. Do all you can for that child,i don't know how draining it can be, but it is what is is and you must be responsible for that child.
    To all those with such special kids, may God give you the strength to carry on and comfort you.

    Sluttychic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Slutty pls b Objective, some humans don't even have love for themselves, some marriage has turned them so bitter not to talk of adding a special need child ontop? Ha no nah, if u can't care for them , KINDLY give her up to a family that can love or say can love her. No b do or die. Haven't u seen bitter married women all over d place?

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    2. Slutty chic, it's not burden when the person wholeheartedly wants the child. I rather you give the child up than resent the poor child for his/her condition.

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    3. I don't know if you know Heather Lindsey, an American pastor. She and like 19 of her siblings were adopted. Their parents, a middle class couple adopted rejected children.. her siblings all had one disability or the other. Only one of them was the biological child of the couple. The Dad is late now but their Mum is still alive. That story still gives me goose bumps till date..what love!! And there are couples like that who adopt lots of kids. Though Americans can be crazy, the kind ones among them are so deeply and selflessly kind, and they don't do it for any applause.

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  8. It is indeed a very difficult task to parent a child with disabilities whether physical or non-physical. It is much harder in Nigeria but the struggle for most parents is mental/psychological and that is why I say no matter the location it is still very hard. However, I am a firm believer in the fact that God that has designed all things and who is the author and finisher of our fate does not give us a load we cannot carry. He sees you and gives you that strength to go through. It is now left for the human in us to find this strength from within and surge on. I have three friends with autistic children and I know how they struggle especially when the other kids are developing as they should. . I respect them a lot because I know what they go through but they still radiate joy , laughter and carry on. I personally will struggle more with what that disability will do to the child in the midst of a society where disability is a major drawback in life.

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  9. Oh! this topic remind me of what we went through. my nephew had fever, which led to seizure and then brain damaged all at 3month, after spending 4months in the hospital, he was discharged to be managed at home, with hopes

    1 year, we knew he could stand or sit, 2,3 we knew he couldn't talk, sit talkless of talking, it was a sad period for the family. But we gave him the best care, we never took him anywhere

    4,5,6 years, it done on us that unless a miracle happens, this is it. He was so tall, and so handsome. But we were always so sad, A 6 years old boy that can't even sit down. We all love him, showed him so much care, he was bath, force fed cos he doesn't even know he should open his mouth

    One day he became sick, we treated him but it wasn't working, anything that enters his mouth, he vomit it out, he only ate custard all his life, he started getting aggressive, he will wake up at night to cry so much. After a month he was so lean, we gave him drip, and drip someone has to hold him till it finished. His breathe started getting slow. Dr said he won't survive it. Around 8pm he breathe his last

    We cried even when the life he was living, wasn't life at all. That boy suffered, and the mother lived all her life for him. We miss him everyday

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    Replies
    1. Sounds like my nephew. Same here. Don’t know where his parents get the strength. They are so loving towards him. May God strengthen them. Amen

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    2. This brought tears to my eyes. God rest his beautiful soul

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    3. Oh Jesus.
      God rest his little beautiful soul.

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    4. Tears
      May his soul rest in peace

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  10. If Nigeria is a working country, things would be easy for parents with special need kids here.


    Few years back, my department in church went to a down syndrome home, 30%of the kids there have been abandoned by their parents, phone numbers not connecting anymore, home and office address changed.

    They also don't get enough funding from government to take care of these kids. 90% of them are very talented but the talent is wasting.

    I know it's difficult taking care of a special need child but I think abandoning or giving up for adoption is very extreme.

    God help us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I concur.

      Very extreme and mean move.

      Find someone the child loves and watch him live normal.

      Delete
  11. At 4.5months , i got the heartbreaking news that my baby was going to be born with disabilities.
    The doctor gave me option of keeping it and care for the child for life or abort the baby.
    I chose to abort the baby, no child needs to come to this world suffering.
    I cried and kept asking God why, until i taught better and was grateful that prenatal test showed all this.
    I was born to deal with pain all my life , i didnt want that for my child.
    The diagnosis was horrible, doctor said baby's brain was filled with fluid.
    Now i am on birth control because of fear of having another baby.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am a very strong Christian but I understand you.

      If you have gone through a rough life as a normal person, you don't want to imagine how worse theirs will be. No human deserves that pain

      I am very happy to know there are now tests that detects that in pregnancy

      I pray medicine advances too to an extent that a drug will even eradicate such from conception so they don't put expectant parents in this type of dilemma.

      I pray God gives you another child that is fully normal and healthy very soon IJN, Amen

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    2. Same thing a distant cousin had, she had to end d pregnancy at 5 months. After a year she took in...fear in her heart, but finally she has a healthy baby. So u did well, not an easy decision but thumbs up.

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  12. May God give every parent strength going through this,taking care of a special need child is a life time task

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  13. I had a neighbor who gave birth to a down syndrome baby. After a month the baby died .it was later she confided in another neighbor that they couldn't stand him so they poisoned him. I was so sad about it. The woman is late now,the story long ooo

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    Replies
    1. 😲😲😲😳😳😳😳🤯 Poison????? Haaaa😷😷

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    2. Jesus😭😭😭😭. They need to do dry fasting and ask God for forgiveness. Otherwise that type of child will keep coming their way. I know someone like that.

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  14. Not easy raising such kids but I advise parents to try employing a nanny who that 'kid really loves' instead of giving up for adoption,it isn't fair. They are choosy with frienship so follow their choice.

    I know sign language well(learnt from home and school)because we had 2 cousins who were deaf and dumb, they always came over for hols somehow whilst growing up.
    Now the closest one to me in church a boy of 11, I make sure he follows us home after service on sundays after service sometimes,for about 6years now while the parents come pick him and the nanny at 5pm, he tells me virtually everything while I pass on to his Nanny and parents(some he insists his parents must not know when je is pissed with them)chats like an adult with Whatsapp and is set to enter JSS1 by september. He makes some sharp squeaky sound and can be violent when angry but once a call comes across to me, he calms down then his Mummy cries a lot. So much wealth and no fulfillment is frustrating.

    Don't know about down syndrome and others,never really been close to nor lived with any,I only meet them in children's section in church and they are difficult to care for.
    Whichever, be assured that they watch every of your step and know if you want them around or not.
    The more love you show them,the less stressful they become.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are one very exposed person. How you manage the lot you do I don't know. You are my woman crush for today. God bless you real good super woman.

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    2. In my church, they allow their nannies or whoever they are comfortable with stay with them in junior church.

      XP I hail you. You're too much

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    3. Thanks guys,learnt a lot as a teacher in Children's church.
      Yes to staying with a Nanny he loves and is comfortable with,once he joins secondary level,his parents will decide.

      Delete
  15. Parenting a child with special needs is not easy at all. It gives parents financial, emotional and physical stress. I think in this part of the world, arrangements such as physical therapy and support groups for children with special needs and their parents is not readily available.
    I watched a report about cerebral palsy recently and discovered that it can be managed through intense therapy. I know that will cost a lot of money.

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  16. My daughter is 3years and non verbal autistic.
    trust me it's hard ! really really really hard.
    I love her with all my heart but I am just scared for her future, the world is a cruel place and doesn't treat special needs kids nicely. that my only fear for her, what if something happens to me ? how would she cope?
    for the financial aspect I am good although it can be a bit draining but the emotional and psychological aspects, jeez so draining! nothing prepares you for it.

    And yes if you had a smooth pregnancy, did everything right and a stress free delivery, you would question God Forever!
    I mean Forever 5that why me God, why?
    but hey its life

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    Replies
    1. May God strengthen you.

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    2. May the Lord strengthen you. God bless you and your little one abundantly.

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    3. God would never leave you. Be strong for her. She would talk don't worry.

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    4. With Faith She will snap out of it. Remb that woman that woke up and her son spoke to her? Stella has published her story here. She gave him all her love but kept faith. Hers was even worst. Imagine ur mute and disabled son woke up beside u with breakfast? That story ehen. Gives me chills till date. ⭕️

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    5. She will gain speech as she grows older and you teach her if you can’t afford speech therapy. I have an equally autistic girl who was non-verbal and at 5 is gaining speech. I try to make her use words and take her for speech therapy too. It’s draining, I know. Hugs to you my fellow super baby mama.

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    6. @Anonymous 22:30, please don’t trivialise autism by using the words “snap out of it”. It doesn’t work that. Yes, she will gain speech since she’s only three, with the right therapy and as she grows and learns, but there is no snapping out of it. Some Autistic kids end up not being verbal at all. I have an autistic child too, who after years is now gaining speech through development in age and speech therapy.

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    7. thank you all for your kind words.
      yes I really do believe that she would talk, her sensory and cognitive would align. that faith I have. absolutely

      Delete
  17. I have a brother with down syndrome, and we show him unconditional love. There was a time an aunt of mine suggested to me that I should advise my mum to kill my brother, I was terrified by her suggestion. Till date, I didn't inform my mum about it. The best we do is to show him love.

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    Replies
    1. You are wise. God bless you.

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    2. God will reward u⭕️

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    3. My younger brother is also with Down syndrome, and thinking about it affects your whole life.
      Interestingly, these circumstances allows you show love more to everyone around; you are always compassionate and willing to forgive.
      Growing up with him was not too easy because you needed to be with him all the time. We thank God for grace.

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  18. Parenting a child with special needs is not easy o, especially in this our country. The stigma no be here, from husband to in-law.

    My first son just had complications when I gave birth, you need to see reactions from in-laws, different body language, chai! MIL ran away but today when they praise the same boy as their own gangan, I feel like stamping them with correct slap

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  19. it is really hard, hope i can survive it, one autism, the other speech delay and behavioural issues. God help me, cant remeber when i had a good night sleep. Thank you madam stella for bringing attention to special needs. God bless you

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    Replies
    1. It is well with you ma’am.

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    2. Chisom that explains y u act d way u doooooo. Oh dear I judged u without knowing the stress u r going tru. May God strengthen u everyday till it’s over( them getting healing) IJN. E hugs nwannem 🤗🤗🤗

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  20. This is a serious issue
    My sister's child is Autistic
    And it take a whole lot of attention
    And close watch..

    January this year dey came to Nigeria for their fathers burial.that
    Was wen I knew what my sister
    Has been passing through all this year's.
    At a point I got tired
    I started crying the stress is just too much.

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  21. May God strengthen all mothers with autistic children.
    I had an idea of what they go through when I taught one in school. Other parents complained to school management that they will remove their kids if the autistic girl was not moved to special needs school or another school entirely. They said she distracts their children in class. School management had to tell her parents to take her away. I missed her. Ay 7yrs old, she was not that bad. Could talk fairly well but was slow in learning. She used to scream and cry at any little thing too, other pupils reported to their parents at home.

    ReplyDelete

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