Hmmmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
A MARRIAGE SO SWEET BUT....
I married a divorcee with two boys age 11 and 15, they are with their mom but spend vacations with us. I love them, especially the youngest because he is a carbon copy of my husband both in looks and character. I also adore the older boy for the role he love to play as the big brother to my little twin-girls age 5.
I married at 38, not for lack of suitors but I had certain qualities I wanted in a man and I was accused of being too choosy and looking for perfection as the kind of man I dreamed of does not exist.
Stella, the theme of my prayers then was Lord, give me a man i don't ever have to hide my past and my money from. I had built my banking career(15yrs) that I kept meeting men who couldn't hide their interest in my pay check.
I had reservations about dating a divorcee but I was so tired of always getting it wrong with the men in my ideal "packaging" that I decided to give him a try. Stella, He met 95% of the qualities I wanted except that he has been married before so I went on and accepted the proposal and married him, did ivf, got my two girls and closed shop. The marriage has been heaven on earth and the wait was well worth it.
My husband is a consultant(medical doctor)but he was without a dime in his savings when we met. He is a perfect sanguine who loves his books and partying. He is generous to a fault so when he met me and I showed him my investments, he was impressed and till date I handle our income; investment, vacation, spending, the children, everything money.
Now...I have an old client I have come through for in the past and established a good relationship with and trusts my competence in handling things for him. He got an appointment and rewarded me with a contract. Even in my pregnancy, I had to beg my husband to travel with me to meet with manufacturers and ensure quality and specifications, I did not cut corners and I delivered beyond expectations. That was it. More doors opened, I didn't do much of omugwo, always dragging my husband each time I had to travel.
I had reservations about dating a divorcee but I was so tired of always getting it wrong with the men in my ideal "packaging" that I decided to give him a try. Stella, He met 95% of the qualities I wanted except that he has been married before so I went on and accepted the proposal and married him, did ivf, got my two girls and closed shop. The marriage has been heaven on earth and the wait was well worth it.
My husband is a consultant(medical doctor)but he was without a dime in his savings when we met. He is a perfect sanguine who loves his books and partying. He is generous to a fault so when he met me and I showed him my investments, he was impressed and till date I handle our income; investment, vacation, spending, the children, everything money.
Now...I have an old client I have come through for in the past and established a good relationship with and trusts my competence in handling things for him. He got an appointment and rewarded me with a contract. Even in my pregnancy, I had to beg my husband to travel with me to meet with manufacturers and ensure quality and specifications, I did not cut corners and I delivered beyond expectations. That was it. More doors opened, I didn't do much of omugwo, always dragging my husband each time I had to travel.
We made good money.
Before now, my husband had always suggested we buy or build a house but what we had was just enough for a decent house but I have a taste for a bit of luxury and beautiful houses which we can only afford to rent and I didn't mind the exorbitant rent, we continued renting till the last contract I did, we made enough money to buy my dream home over looking the sea.
I am not a believer in leaving inheritance for children. I believe in giving them dual citizenship, good education and sound up-bringing. I intend not to be of any burden on our children in the future while the live their lives and finding their own path. But this is Nigeria!
Before now, my husband had always suggested we buy or build a house but what we had was just enough for a decent house but I have a taste for a bit of luxury and beautiful houses which we can only afford to rent and I didn't mind the exorbitant rent, we continued renting till the last contract I did, we made enough money to buy my dream home over looking the sea.
I am not a believer in leaving inheritance for children. I believe in giving them dual citizenship, good education and sound up-bringing. I intend not to be of any burden on our children in the future while the live their lives and finding their own path. But this is Nigeria!
I am afraid my husband might not truly share this philosophy? What if tomorrow he sabotages me because my children are girls? I don't want to talk to him about it so I don't plant an idea that probably does not exist. I don't want to ask friends or family for advice for fear they might also be biased and plant worse ideas in my head. I thought of involving a lawyer but I have had a blissful marriage and don't want to taint it with a show of distrust. I am terrible at secrets so i cant even begin to hide money from my husband, it will eat me up inside.
What should I do to protect myself and my children? We are to go house hunting after the lockdown so please I need this advice quickly.
Thank you.
What should I do to protect myself and my children? We are to go house hunting after the lockdown so please I need this advice quickly.
Thank you.
*Hmmmmmm...You have a point!!!
let me read the comments cos i dont want to plant ideas in your head by telling you that your fear is valid.
How can you not want to leave an inheritance for your kids.Anyway good luck
ReplyDeleteI love d idea most landlords there children pray for there death.
DeleteAs dicey as your next line of action can be, don't make the wrong moves that will strain the beautiful relationship you have with your hubby. As you secure your girls future.
DeletePoster you have really done well for yourself am.proud of you. There is nothing wrong in leaving inheritance for your daughters or securing their future, it is advisable you have a will clearly stating what should go to them. Better still open a trust fund for them.
DeleteYou can discuss it with your husband over a candlelight dinner at home and see how it goes. The outcome of the discussion will determine your next line of action.
Remember your husband has not given you cause to worry.
Goodluck.
Lovelace.
So you want to eat all the money you made in this life yourself, because you did not give birth to a boy?
DeleteYou can still leave an inheritance for your daughters (even if they are not boys)
Enjoy the peace you have now with your hubby, but once the issue of leaving inheritance comes up, you MUST insist that your daughters also be given a very fair percentage (even equal with the boys)
Protect their future.
B) You can go for another IVF and sex-select a boy gender, so you can leave an 'inheritance ' for your own biological son.
Why not set up a trust fund for them?
DeleteAll I can say is that the large part of the peaceful home you have today is your openness and willingness to share and rise with your man together. GOOD men treat such women with so much love and respect and make their world heaven on earth.
DeleteNow do you want to destroy this peace?
If no, then be fair with this topic and how you go about it. Think of him and what will make him happy too so he keeps serving you peace.
Now my advice: since you didn't plan leaving anything for your kids before, start from opening a trust fund for ALL (yes including your hubbys boys). If you save 70% each for your girls, you save 30% each for them.
Your husband doesn't need to know about this. But if he finds out, he will still be proud of you that you thought of his kids.
As for properties, with time summon courage and write a will if the properties are in your name. If no, discuss your feelings and fears with him. I believe he will understand.
Just use wisdom. He thinks of this more than you do, believe me. So your thoughts are not wrong. Just be fair and maintain your peace!
My dear, you can't buy a house without getting lawyers involved. You should plan for the unexpected such as divorce or death. It should be clearly stated out who gets what percentage. We bought a house recently, I didn't contribute anything but I have 50% in case of divorce and incase of death it goes to my kids. Hubby did same thing. We didn't even discuss it. We just completed the forms that way. Xxbarbiexx
DeletePoster now is the time to prepare for all your kids as no one knows tomorrow. Discuss with your husband to know his views and your next line of action. Seek legal counsel. And if you can afford to leave something for your children, why not? Just don't bring them up expecting an inheritance and what you wrote up there is also a fair legacy. If you don't have a will and your husband too, things can get very messy in the eventuality of your deaths, God forbid. But I am simply saying it is good to prayerfully prepare for the future as much as possible.
DeleteGood advice@17:41
DeleteGood advice at anon 16:17. I don't plan on leaving inheritance for my children either cos I don't think that is what God wants us to do. I want to do charity, mad charity with majority of my money. And then, I will give my children dual citizenship, very sound education and settle them with the trust fund.
DeleteBut the trust fund I will leave them will be only money. Not too much money but a reasonable amount.
DeleteEven the bible says a good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children prov 13 vs 22. So don’t come and say that “I don’t think that is what God wants us to do” when you didn’t even read his word to know the mind of God . If you have the funds available set your children up.
DeleteMadam erase that thought and enjoy your marriage.
ReplyDeletePray for good health and long life so you can enjoy the fruits of your labour to fullest.
But if you keep doubting, get a lawyer, write a will and include your daughters name.
Be madam so so gra gra
Tell your husband to use your twins name to acquire the property.INSIST!!
DeleteDefinitely if anything should happen to your husband tomorrow (God forbid), even if the boys are angels the mother will ginger them to come after the properties.
Madam please take my advise because I came from a polygamous home ooo,most at times it is the woman that plant evil seed in the head of the innocent children,and mothers have a way of manipulating children ooo,then if the children should have useless friends plus wicked mother DANGER.
Use your no6 ooo
As simple as this .
DeleteWord#
DeleteAll I know is that a good parent leaveth inheritance for his/her children.
DeleteThat's the word of God. It's your choice to make but know that nobody knows tomorrow..
Set the record straight..
Your hubby has not given you any reason to worry, so just trust him to do what is right.
ReplyDeleteAs much as we try to plan for the future, we can't really tell what will happen when we are no more.
Buy the house in your names and also involve a lawyer for legal advice.
👌☑️
DeleteMadam you are right to have doubts he is human and with other kids from previous marriage. This is your money please buy properties in your girls name, find a way of making him agree to this. Àní ṣe iṣẹ́ lásán láyé.
DeleteYou have to change that your "philosophy" and involve all the kids, boys or girls in the "inheritance".
ReplyDeleteEquity will solve it for you.
I hope you didn't read the chronicles because if you did and this up here is your deduction from it. I'm sorry
DeleteEquity in their father's money I beg. They have their mum too.
Delete@Sherikoko
DeleteWhy don't you correct me since you understood everything.
It can only be equity if the money is from the man.Since the cash is from her,madam please peacefully advise your husband that the property should be purchased in your girls name.
DeleteSee how you girls are readying this woman to use her own hands to scatter her sweet marriage?
DeleteEvery wise woman builds her home, but with her own hands the foolish one tears her's down.Proverbs 14:1
Thank you soooo much @15:10.
DeletePoster please I advise that you follow this advice..... #EQUITY
Ma your fear is valid, pls if possible buy the property in your girl's name. It's your mind you know o, you can't tell what your husband is doing in his son's name.
ReplyDeletePlease do not listen to this advice dear poster.
DeleteUna don come again ooo @15:10.
DeleteHmmmmm you have a valid point regarding your 2nd sentence. She needsbto solidify her girls no matter what. Thisbis Africa where men think everything is their entitlement.
DeleteBut she said she isnt a believer in leaving properties for her children. Which fear is valid again?
DeleteMtcheww.The poster is jus confused Abeg.not a believer in leaving properties,then why scared,based on her belief shouldn't be scared.
DeletePlease do not listen to the person telling you not to listen to this advice. Use your twin girls ooo nkem wu nkem, nke anyi wu nke anyi
DeleteBuy and document in your daughters name biko. We did same in my house. It's just me and my hubby tho, but the kids started coming, properties where sealed in their names. Insurance, lands, etc
Delete15.10.. the serpent that tricked Eve in the garden
DeleteI will be right back.
ReplyDelete🤣😂😂😂😂
DeleteDo you see women? She has been managing the man's finances. Dragging him to attend to her contract jobs. And now you're thinking about only your daughters. So hs own sons will become like Aaron abi. O ga o!
DeleteAnon 18:51 ori e ti daru! Entitled manipulative man! I pity the woman that will open her legs for you. Let me correct your sentence.
DeleteDo you see men? This man has been living off her for years. He had no kobo when they met but now he’s living large. Sponsoring his kids education, upkeep, travel and feeding for years off this woman. And now she’s not supposed to think of her daughters if life throws lemons at her. So her own daughters will become like the foolish virgins abi. O ga o!
Interesting post to read🖕
ReplyDeleteMay God direct you dear poster....
Reading comments..
All I would say is do not let the devil sow evil seeds in your heart for it would truly germinate and the fruit would be very bitter.
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong with leaving inheritance for your children I mean all 4 of them you can have assets in their name.
Not every beautiful story ends up badly and yours could be one of the happily ever after in all ramifications.
If you constantly commit to God, desist from negative thoughts and external influence.
This is a very sensitive one. In all you do, have special plas for your daughters. We are in a world where some "men" like to oppress women.
DeleteYou have worked really hard to get to where you are today.
You have 4 kids, inclusing your husband's kids and I know you love them.
You never can tell what would happen tomorrow. God forbid anything bad happens to your husband, your husband's ex wife would show up and and poison her sons minds into claiming everything and leaving you and your girls stranded.
Then you will start to hear, it's my father's money, my father's properties. May God not let you experience that.....worst feeling ever.
Remember you are not their biological mother, I mean the boys. They will always love their mum more and do whatever she says. Please, protect your girls.
Sluttychic.
Four children with two living their mum.
DeleteThank you my exact thought.
DeletePoster, I agree with Sluttychic's view.
DeleteIn my experience and based on what I've come across, a child's allegiance and loyalty WILL ALWAYS be to the biological parents no matter what how you loved, suffered and cared for them.
It's just natural.
Madam, please kindly leave something in the bank for your girls, in their names. I would also advise that you also leave something for the boys even if it will not be the same amount with the girls. All the kids are yours also now. But, to your hubby and according to the way things are done, the boys always are next of kin. I doubt your hubby will pull that but everything should be passed on equally to all four kids.
ReplyDeleteBoys always are next of kin
DeleteBoys always are next of kin
Thank God for my mama and papa I inherited land oooooo
Thank God their thinking was not 1422ish
Poster you better put your girls first cos I'm sure those boys have mother. If anything should happen to you tomorrow do not allow those girls to be stranded in life. In short poster HAVE SENSE
DeletePoster you're a smart woman and I respect people like you who think and plan ahead. Now truth be told, this is AFRICA!!! Anything you have now with your dear hubby will go to his boys tomorrow. That is FACT. Unless you act now...I won't say he's sons shouldn't get any, I'll suggest you both write a Will now with a trusted lawyer and share things between your girls and the boys so your girls won't be left at the mercy of the boys tomorrow. Men can be funny sometimes so don't tell your hubby your fearsooo. Just suggest the will thing passively first and see. If he doesn't take it seriously, then raise it again after a while but be serious this time...
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS AFRICA 👍
DeleteWomen don’t realise how weak they are in this continent. They also never realise how powerful they are simultaneously because they have the benefit of predicting what will happen because this is Africa. The stories are always the same so just buckle up.
Dear Poster, your fears of the unknown are valid but you must not let fear make you take wrong decisions that might tear up your happy home.
ReplyDeleteTherefore, I suggest you buy the house in your children's name for a start, you can say it's a legacy you would like to live for them, even though you know it's a way of you ensuring the house remains your property indirectly.
Also I suggest you start encouraging him to do business for himself and stop dragging him into yours, that way he can plan over his on money and not yours.
I am not saying that he is looking at living off you but having having his own money would distract him for paying uncanny attention to yours.
Lastly love is transient and since you are not a mind reader who can tell what is going in his mind, please love openly but dnt loose your common sense in the process.
Good luck
LEP😛
God's blessings upon you and your home. The man will be to glad transfer equal shares to the boys even with the fact the woman owns it all.
DeleteProtect your girls cos african men befer leaving properties to the boys. Sorry to say your girls might just be jara for him.
ReplyDeletePoster any advice telling you to put your girls first should be taken. I am shouting because polygamy has damaged me oooo..
DeleteOh Jesus fix my damages
😂 @ oh Jesus fix my damages, this fan can never stop her comedienne ways 😂 😂
DeleteLol @Stella, you just did...
ReplyDeletePlus why did you close shop after the girls? You should have tried one more time to see if you'll have a boy. If not, you.close shop
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding me? What is wrong with you people and giving unsolicited advice bikonu?
DeleteMelancholy
@Melancholy/unknown
DeleteThe advice was "unsolicited?" are you kidding us?
The lady came here for advice and she is getting it.
She isn't complaining, is she?
Poster! Take anon 15:17 advice, she is so on point. In fact this is the most brilliant pieces I have read on this blog in recent time.
DeleteWhat you are saying doesnt even make sense. Na by force to born boy???
Deleteall children are equal,
DeleteGod bless my parents!!!
I hope you're seeing what women are doing in the World today.
Its not about gender anymore .
Madam,please try one more time to have a boy and if para venture the third produces a girl you can go ahead and close your shop.This is Africa and Africa men are not loyal when it comes to gender.
Delete*para venture*??? Please is this a typo or....peradventure ??
DeleteMy sister,that broom behind the door never leaves.wether u want to hear this or not,the heir to your husband aee those boys.they are all sweet just because they are still young.let them become men tomorrow and ul see another thing.your hubs is all sweet because when money enter love is sweeter.TRUST NO BODY WITH A PENIS,they are outright cunning!if u like make love blind your brain and you forget to put one on one.your children are those girls.your property is theirs.those boys will marry tommorw to strange women who will start putting ideas in their heads.before u put mr and mrs in a property document,pls remember that that mr and mrs belongs to your husband alone as the head.tell him you want to buy the new house as a gift for his lil princesses.let it BE IN THEIR NAMES.
ReplyDeleteThis comment here is 💯💋. I bow for the anon. This is real life.
DeleteThank you anon. If na igbo man be dat my dear buy day house in the name of your children if not they will collect everything thinking the property is for their father based on na me be the head of the house.
DeletePoster THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE OOO.. Discard Fan Emmanuel but don't joke with my today advice
DeleteIt is not just the igbo men its African culture.
DeletePoster I beg you in the name of God please follow this advice
DeletePoster follow this advice o
Delete"tell him you want to buy the new house as a gift for his lil princesses.let it BE IN THEIR NAMES."
DeleteI like this. Poster try this.
As much as your home is happy now, pls know that the boys will grow up and marry. Influences from their wives and mother may change them later in life.
Anything not explicitly written in your girls' names belongs to the boys, at least until contested bitterly in the courts. Both of you should write a will now or buy properties (with your money) in your kids' names, while leaving something for the boys.
ReplyDeleteJob 42:15 Nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful as Job's daughters, and their father granted them an inheritance along with their brothers.
If only we read our Scriptures!
I noted with curiosity and trepidity as well, that there was no mention of eternity/eternal preparation in your success stories.
Yes, God gave you a good family but the management of it has to come from you -going to his Word to find ways around issues you meet.
Instead of taking thoughts about tomorrow and the welfare of your kids, adapt the Biblical principle, like what Job did in the above quote and rest your mind.
You do not have a problem at all.
Take good care of your home
There are so many Scriptures that Nigerian men won't quote.
DeleteEspecially the pastors. I have never heard anybody quote that scripture
that female children can be given inheritance.
I find your comments quite resourceful.
@**** Wise words.
DeleteI've noticed your comments and Sabella's.
When one spends time with God (studying the Bible) it shows.
The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Prov 9 v 10
Dear Poster, in this life it's only change that is permanent, and you have every right to want to protect your children.
ReplyDeleteI think that in this life, there are some things that when they come to your mind, you just have to carefully and mindfully,implement them.
Both your Step and biological children's future are important, so call your husband, and discuss it with him.
But, please don't make it look like you only have the interest of your biological children at heart.
N.B: l don't think that there is anything wrong in making investments for your girls future abeg.
Your money, your children, your decisions too. 😎
Poster, you sound like a very wonderful person!
ReplyDeleteYou make a lot of money and you are also very good with planning. Apart from giving your kids dual citizenship, good education and good life; don't you think its wise you also have some money in the form of life insurance for them?! Have a fixed deposit accounts in each of their names.
You manage monies, you can do this for your kids.
As for the house you're going to buy with your husband, just make sure it has both of your names written boldly on it.
It is all beautiful and glamorous now, until your kids starts growing and they start mixing up with different people.
Just don't use your mouth to cause an everlasting problem for your home and your kids.
May God guide and see you through.
Don't do it!
ReplyDeleteI don't know why but I am scared for you. Since you said you do not believe in leaving inheritance, what does your husband think about inheritance? I do not even know what to tell you. Good luck
ReplyDeleteMelancholy
If your husband truly loves you, and he is exactly the way you said he is I believe it's best you communicate your fears and feelings to him, so that u both can put heads together and settle it now, than later tomorrow, bcoz if u don't someone else will plant an evil seed inside him, and ur fears will come to live. Take note, 'The ant you don't kill today will turn to be a giant tomorrow. My one cent.
ReplyDeleteDo you love your girls?do what is right and write their names in the properties you buy,consider your sons as well cos they have a right to what their father own. Focus on your four kids and give them sound education so they won't become burden on eachother.
ReplyDeleteBut Stella you already did albeit in a subtle way...
ReplyDeleteMadam I think you are just being unnecessarily paranoid. Those girls are your husband's children as much as they are yours. Do not create chaos in your home because of numerous stories that you've heard or read. Has your husband given you any reason for concern or showed you any sign that he has such in mind? You already said it that you are the one in charge of everything money in your home, so I do not see any problem here.
Please do not give room for the devil in your home. Do not taint the blissful marriage you have by making your husband think you don't trust him. The devil does not like hearing stories of happy homes like this and he's always looking for ways to come in and cause katakata. And it is through subtle ways like this that he comes in. You and your husband are one. Your children are also your husband's children. Do not see them just as your own because he has children from a previous marriage.
I pray the Lord will grant you wisdom to do what's right and may He continue to uphold your home in Jesus name.Amen
Prepare a will!!!! Make your girls the beneficiary of your estate upon your demise. Also make your girls next of kin in your documents and accounts. Make your will now!!!! And don’t let your husband know. This is the time for you to be as wise as the serpent. He’s definitely a good man but no one knows tomorrow. What if you die tomorrow or in 70yrs time? You can never ever tell what life will throw your way. Get a lawyer and trusted witnesses. Don’t be drunk in love.
ReplyDeleteI will read comments on this one.
ReplyDeleteWhat do mean by you don't believe in leaving an inheritance for your children?
ReplyDeleteDoes it mean you don't believe in writing will too? What happens to all your savings and properties.
Talk to your husband about saving for your children. There are parents who open accounts for their babies and they keep saving until their babies become adults.
Your husband will understand if you discuss it with him. This is what parents who are wealthy do for their children.
If your husband doesn't agree with you, then, I'd say you should do it without his knowledge.
Your children's future should be secured.
Does your husband tell you the investment he does in his boys name?
ReplyDeleteBetter start putting your children's name down in your documents. Like Stella said, your fears are valid.
Put the house in you name or daughters name ,no one know tomorrow,life happens ,so you won't be going in and out of court with him,his family or his sons over a house you got with your sweat ,no let love carry you waka,use your head sister.Na beg I dey beg you bikooo!!hint Do the transaction when he is not in town so you can just say the deal suddenly came up through a Realtor and you have to snatch it up before someone else does , so you had to use your name.Let me share my small experience here married to a widower we wanted to pay for a shop he filled out the form in his son's name I just smiled after his rubbish explanation ,again we started a water factory he used his son's name ,I laughed ,men are ALWAYS calculative !!but I like it tho since I don't owe him any investment in our names in future ,so I didnt fuss ,he leads I follow abi # headofhouse lmao!!
ReplyDeleteMany have your experience anon. The poster has a gender complex but the real issue here is about stepchildren. There is ALWAYS wahala there. When a woman tries to secure herself or her kids she’s seen as calculating. Men on the other hand are calculating their next move every nano second. Even if this man is lovely, you can’t predict the kids or other interference later. Where there is property, expect greed.
DeletePlease buy the property in you girls name.
ReplyDeleteMadam, you now have 4 children. Buy the house in all their names. Also, insist on setting up a trust fund for all your children. If you marriage has truly been blissful you take on each other's duties and responsibilities. Now, after the house thing is settled, you can open a 'wedding' account for the girls. This is what my Turkish friend did. She was open with her husband and all her daughters' child benefit money was saved for her girls and she would occasionally add money here and there till she had a substantial amount she presented her girls as their 'vex money' just before their weddings. You have to be wise madam.
ReplyDeleteYou see how you woke up with headache about gender...so you're not even comfortable with your girls, oh lawd! Go get you a son if you are so worried, go for another boy or twin boys so you can put your mind at rest.
ReplyDeleteBottom line baby, you do not TRUST your husband, forget this 'my marriage is heaven on earth'.
Don't mind her... Lol
DeleteCommunication is the key, talk to your husband u might be surprised to find out that he has great plans for your girl, you wouldn't know, and u might end up making a big mistake by harboring grudge against your husband and step sons, thereby taking drastic measures,talk to your husband don't carry it in your mind it will not go away, ask him mildly and wisely from there u will see his mind, don't allow assumptions to destroy your home. Assumption is very bad, don't let what u are not sure of eat u deep inside it will turn u into a monster. If u don't know how to start the convo, ask God for help, he is ever ready. Be wise
ReplyDeletePoster don't communicate anything cos he will sweet talk you into believing there's no problem. He may not even know there'sthere's a problem until those boys start demanding for their "right" tomorrow
DeletePoster, wht almost everyone has told you is the right thing. Abd no matter how much your husband loves u,you might never know the investments he has made for his sons, since it is your money, buy the house in your daughters name, men do it everytime without consulting their wives.
DeleteI am also married to a divorcee with 2 sons, he has buildings in both his sons name, bing structures and none in my name or my kids name, dont think people want to plant bad ideas on your head, since you are the one buying the house, secure your kids future, tomorrow is truly pregnant and no one knows what it will birth, your husband might be good,your sons good now as they are young ut all that might change at any time, more you dont exactly know what their mom feeds them. Dont bring it up with him, just do it and tell your husband it's a personal dream one true for you, that you have set it as a personal target to be able to buy a home in your name or in your kids name.
No matter how much you love his boys, they are not your children, you are only their step mom though if you are a nice person, they will also be nice to you but remember they have a mom who is alive. Be very wise, you need to use all of your thinking faculty to pull this one ut dont buy that property in your husbands name or in your name. Buy it in your kids name
If I were in your position, I would talk to my husband about it and hear his response. Whatever he says will make me decide what to do. You should also save money monthly for your girls. The boys' mum might also be saving for her kids.
DeleteIt is a matter of trying to create a problem where there's none. Sometimes as human beings, we question smooth ride and journey cos if happenings around us. We often challenge our experience cos some things are too good to be real and genuine. We want to be very careful not to have a bad end. The Lord is your strength in your pursuit. But I will suggest you don't start what you will regret, you have been meticulous enough.
ReplyDeleteI know right
DeleteBLESS YOU 🙏
DeleteThank you 😊 kai ,
Lol the comments are agitating me already 🤣
I agree with you anon 15:32
Deletewrite a will and secure your daughters future
ReplyDeleteI think u should put your daughters name on the property, your step kids mum is still alive , is she doing anything for your girls? I know ur marriage has been blissful but human beings are not to be trusted as they change
DeleteAnon 17:09 is very correct, like I said up there, there mom is still alive. Love them( you step kids) but secure your daughters
DeleteA good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the sinner's wealth is laid up for the righteous proverbs 13:22. Your mindset is wrong
ReplyDeleteStart up college and TRUST FUNDS for all your kids now and involve your hubby in it, if you guys want you can also get for the two boys and tell hubby this is you and him looking out for your kids for tomorrow and securing their future now while you can..The trust funds can have ultimatum attached to it and am sure if your hubby already trusts you with all the finances and planning now, then he will easily agree to this
ReplyDeleteYes trust fund for kids education
DeleteYou can buy the house in your kids names. Meanwhile, what's wrong in leaving property for your children? Enjoy your marriage.
ReplyDeleteOpen a trust fund for your daughters. You can also advice your husband to do same for his children. It’s his choice. You just pay something into their account every month and you get to choose what age it can be accessed. I’m in a similar situation. I have been be doing this for my child and when hubby saw how I’m building a future for my kid, nobody told him to do same for his. This is after he told me he wasn’t interested.
ReplyDeleteI would have added write a will. You’re never too young to. But seems everything is shared with you guys.
Trust fund in the name of your kids that at a certain age they will have access to. The other kids, you will know whether all the love they are showing you will remain after the death of their father. Madam, no do mumu, this kind of thing dey boomerang. Protect your girls cos no one will do it better than you their mother.
DeletePlease,if it bothers you, talk about it.
ReplyDeleteCommunicate anything that you're disturbed about in your marriage, if it brings misunderstanding, there'll also be a meeting point.
It crossed your mind means your instinct has been activated.
You write like one who has a friend in her husband so TALK ABOUT IT!
Exactly! Communication is key in marriage.Don't just assume how your husband will react to a topic.
DeleteDont go looking for problems where there are none.
ReplyDeleteYou don't believer ininheritance for children, then you are afraid your husband will loathe that you have female children only, OR what exactly are you worried for.
Dont let the devil mess with your head.
You said you were rich when you got married, if he didnt change then, he wont change now.
Is not better you buy the house in your girls' name? In Nigeria the first son takes over the father's house. You don't know tomorrow, if anything happens to you, your girls won't smell anything o.
ReplyDeletePoster there's a popular saying in Igbo land,izu ka nma na nneji" No matter how perfect and peaceful a polygamous setting may seem, there's ALWAYS izu ka nma na nne ji.
Delete@Fan even NDI NNEJI KILL THEMSELVES OVER THEIR FATHER'S PROPERTY abeg.
DeleteFan, you're so right!
DeleteThen anony you can imagine ndi nnA ji. Polygamy is the mother of envy and wickedness. Ndi nnA ji is worse than ndi nnE ji.
DeleteBuy the property in your names and make yoir childrrn,your next of kin,dont go to the lawyer,behind him,involve him in creating a will,
ReplyDeleteShe should buy property in her name and the husband will be looking like a remote abi ?
DeleteThis woman is about to scatter her peaceful home...
Don, the Anonymous said "in your names", that probably means her and her husband's name.
DeleteDon why the man no work for him own money? Why ? It’s her money
DeleteMs A, I get now
DeleteBut the property in your names-she and her husband.
DeleteI think that’s what 15:44 meant.
Trouble dey sleep but NO O your yanga won wake am.
ReplyDeleteBe careful with any advice given here, before you will wake devil from slumber.Cos from what you explained, you have a happy home.
ReplyDeleteBv madam so so gra gra
for real mehn .
DeleteHow can a medical consultant nt ohave a dime when youet him? So you sponsored weddng, ivf, vacations, house rent all these while?
ReplyDeleteNa wa.
What women go thru to remain married.
My advice is your husband should find the money to buy house for you guys. Is he only good in providing sperm?
Those boys will always value their mom over you so keep inheritance for your girls you hear?i
Bianca you have said it all 🙌
DeleteI read it with my mouth agape, paying for everything chai SMH
There are so many men like that! You read where she said that immediately she came into the picture, money started coming in from both sides.... It means, she was able to now manage her husband's income.
DeleteMany men needs good women to help manage their finances.
He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtain favour from God.
Exactly the boys have a mother and you are thinking of them, will their mum think of your girls?
DeleteIt shows humans are wired differently. Once you get a good person cherish them @ 17:12.
DeleteLovelace
ur fears are valid...who knows what ur husband's ex wife is also planting in her children's minds knowing u have just two girls....like u said this is Nigeria,secure ur children's future my dear(I mean d girls),nobody knows tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteIntuition is everything plus Nigeria being the way it is with family and property. Nobody knows tomorrow. Too many of these stories since O was a kid till now. Women wake up please. When trouble starts love goes out of the window, everybody starts making claims.
DeleteTrust your instincts. For these thoughts to come to your mind it might not be now but one thing I know is that it's only God that is unchangeable. Please secure your daughters future as much as you can. God forbid what if you're not there tomorrow and your husband's relatives mount pressure on him will he still stand his ground? Please take care of their tomorrow maka adighi ama ama.
DeleteNo matter how you want much you tried not to say it, you don't trust your husband.
ReplyDeleteEven the Bible says we should trust only in God.. So her fears are valid, Abeg humans change
DeleteTo tell you the truth i can't relate. But if you're bothered that your Husband might short change you then i will advice you get a commercial building both of you are aware of and give different flats or shop to each child which they get custody of when they turn 21. Now you don't have to really open a trust or give them an inheritance. You can give them such property as them having their first job. This property should be for all the man's Children that is both your own twin girls and your step kids. I think this would reduce suspicion. Also don't you can on your own invest in all these baby saving schemes. They won't yield much. But look at it as charity to these small businesses, like piggyvest and the rest. I do not know but this is my suggestion.
ReplyDeleteMa, spend more time in praying for your twins to have the most beautiful future any human should desire for, the boys to be blessed beyond human imagination that they will never think of any inheritance, and for God to give you and your husband strong health and long life.
ReplyDeleteSave your marriage from being attack by the devil through this little trap (inheritance). Is obvious that the devil hates sweet marriage and his using this means to strike in due time.
May heavens bless you with more wisdom to defect any affliction the enemy is sending your way. More Happiness to your marriage Ma!!!
😘😘😘😘
DeletePoster, why are you involving your husband in all your business dealings? It's good to be transparent but you have to keep some things to yourself as well. I don't understand your fears because you wrote that you don't believe in leaving inheritance for kids, so what are you worried about?
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, discuss with your husband and suggest you both write a joint Will that your property be sold and money in investment or bank THAT YOU MADE TOGETHER be split equally between your 4 kids WHILE the money and investment you made before marriage be in your personal Will for your twin Girls.
ReplyDeleteI think this is an OPEN and FAIR SOLUTION.
He can Will his own personal investments before your marriage to his two sons.
I believe his ex-wife would also have her own investments for her sons.
A child that would be useful would be regardless of inheritance or dual citizenship.
My first uncle's children sold all their late dad's properties and assets over 27 years. All of them are not doing well because of a bad mother. Now they blame her for that wrong advise and because she refused to work when their dad got jobs for her and even started businesses for her.
Meanwhile the children of my other uncle that did not bother pampering them are doing very well.
He made his wife (their mom - trained to be a teacher in the early days of marriage) as the administrator of his estate upon his death.
Don't let what your children (yours and his) would become after you are gone ruin your present happy marriage. 💖💖💖💖
Poster
ReplyDeleteI just hope after reading all these comments you'd do what is right ,
Do not sow the seed of discord for nothing, when you agreed to marry a man with two kids I want to believe that you chose to accept them wholeheartedly .
All these fears and arrier pensé would harm your marriage , people do not listen to those telling you to invest in your daughter's names except you want to make such investments secretly .
If you have any fear trust me there are good ways you can talk about it and your fears would be allayed .
Please do not ruin the beautiful marriage you have, let all investments be in your names i mean husband and children trust me if your husband is as good as you claim he would never do you bad.
A lot of people give advice they cannot take, be careful what you absorb.
Poster, I hope you pay attention to this
DeletePoster, i feel so sorry you found yourself in this dilema.
DeleteIn addition to all that has been written, i will like to share this with you :
I used to be really close to a senior, well respected colleague who divorced his first wife to marry a second,some years back .
He told me that he has savings accountS he still ran with the first wife. I was shocked, asked him why and he said none could ever be like the first family he built with the woman he truly loved and whatever happened, his kids from his first marriage are his priorities, to think he has 3 kids each from the 2 women (2 boys and a daughter each).
I hate to complicate matters for you, just highlight the good advices given and blend them to know your next line of action.
May it all turn out right and fine.
You Said he has not given you any reason to doubt him so go with your instincts
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I will advise you go ahead with the plan to buy a house, only go for something slightly less expensive. Also invest heavily in gold and jewelries as this would stand as major investment and inheritance for your Gil's which would not raise suspicion of bias. May God bless you With the wisdom of Solomon.
ReplyDeleteI suggest every property bought should be in both your names, your girls can be your next of kin, while his boys his next of kin, that way the properties can be split consensually between the four children
ReplyDeleteWhen you marry someone who already have kids as a woman,do not involve him in your business activities.Buy your house in your name and use your kids as your next of kin.Let him buy his own properties in his name and use anybody as his next of kin.All his properties belongs to all his children.Your own properties belongs to your kids while his ex wife properties belongs to her own children too
DeleteThis right here is it. Simple.
DeleteThank you Officer's wife
DeleteI assume you think your husband has a share in the money you made as he was going with you for the deals. That's fair.
ReplyDeleteWhat is his attitude to money, his attitude to the money you made during those deals?
Does he think he has a share? if he does, how big a share does he think he has?
Have both of you ever spoken of inheritance?
Remember that there is a third but absent part in the marriage, the ex wife.
I don't know what kind of person she is, but people forget, people change.
The ex wife if good before can change, her boys can change, your husband might( be forced or influenced by people and circumstances to ) change.
The girls are also his, write the house in their name and tell him that you will like to give the boys a gift.
You can do this by opening a trust fund for them and your girls.
Nothing wrong with you not into inheritance thingy. But that is if you are the one deciding at the very end how things go.
Without a will, without solid documents
Only the living who are in power decide how money is spent.
Poster, because you painted your husband as such a loving and honest person, many blog visitors are hesitant to give you the advice they would give their sister. Me too🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️
ReplyDeleteLet me read more comments 🥤 🍷
Poster, I understand you. Please buy the property in your children's names. I mean the twin girls. Let your husband know your fears. Communication is key. But in all, you MUST buy the house in their names. It's their right. The future is bleak my sister. Those boys might grow up to be a thorn in your flesh. You never can tell. You dont know what their mum feeds them at home so be wise.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't buy any property so as not to raise eyebrows. Build a trust fund in the names of your kids at least you owe them that much, I would prefer you do it in foreign currencies so that it would have better value in future. This way hubby will realise the need to do same even the boys mum. Do not let love blind you reason with brain and don't use sentiments cos when push comes to shove you will know that owner of wrapper go remove him own from sun when e dry leave the one wey no be him get.
ReplyDeleteWhen a woman is in love all her senses go away. Poster well done. I won't say much.
ReplyDeleteYou know what's weird?
ReplyDeleteYou talked about your husband possibly sabotaging you and your girls but you are thinking of doing the exact same thing to him and his boys.
No matter what decision you take, include those boys because they are also part of your family. 🤗
I beg to differ. Those boys do not belong to her. Their biological mother has full custody and their dad only visitation rights. She owes them nothing but the love and care she shows them when they’re in town. From her narration I’m sure she spoils them silly and that’s lovely. Also, the money her husband is spending on them, she made it happen.
DeleteThe jokes on her if she thinks he’s not made some provision for the boys already. If she’s buoyant enough in a manner that will not inconvenience her girls she can make some provision for them. If not, she’s done God’s work by being a good hostess when they’re in town and giving their father the income to provide for them. That’s the blunt truth.
@ anon 17.16 oooh my God ohhh my God,you have plenty sense ooo,I swear this is what Judge Judy would say.poster you see some of those comments advicing you to do otherwise,they are men under those monikers and anon mode,and some are just naive with no much life experience.Wise up woman,that doesn't you don't luv your husband or you don't trust him,don't be a fool in luv,moreso no matter how your step children luvs you,they can never luv you more than their birth mother deep inside,even if their mother is a witch.you better set your brain well.
DeleteI will tell you what I think, but please keep an open mind, a very open mind.
ReplyDeleteHas your husband given you any reason to think for one minute that he would sabotage you? Or does this stem from the 'subconscious consideration that we are in a patriarchal society that places premium on boys and male children alone'? You have to answer that question honestly.
First, remember that your girls are not just your children, they are HIS CHILDREN too. If he chooses to sabotage you, would he also want to SABOTAGE HIS GIRLS?
what's your husband's opinion or philosophy on the rights of female children vis a vis male children?
Does he treat your girls any different from his boys? If he does, is he trying to make up for the fact that his boys do not live with him as their father, but only their mother? Has his treatment of your girls and his children generally given you any reason to worry?
You need to answer these questions honestly.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in leaving an inheritance for your children. Even the Bible says a godly man leaves an inheritance for his children. If you don't think an inheritance should be left for your children, why are you worried about your husband sabotaging you?
Be sure that these thoughts are not from the devil wanting to sow a seed of discord in your home,threaten your peace and happiness and make your children, his children and everyone of you unhappy.
I will continue my comment
I don’t usually comment but you seem like a good person.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to matters of the heart, only God knows how we truly feel. You cannot even predict your state of heart because we surprise ourselves. If we cannot totally vouch for ourselves how much more another human being.
I applaud your patience and covenant with God. But the truth is I’m very wary of men that are financially dependent on women. Even if it’s at the initial stages. It is well known that people are grateful to whoever builds them and as long as there is something to gain, will try not to bite the finger that feeds them.
You may believe that he’s never given you a reason to doubt but the mere fact you’ve thought of this to the point of bringing it here shows that there is a prompting in your spirit. Don’t ever ignore your intuition.
Although a husband and wife becomes one it is a deadly mistake to be completely naked to another person. The reason is simple. You can never ever fully vouch for the intent of another.
You’ve got two beautiful girls involved. Even though your chop life approach to life is understandable, you cannot tell what the future will hold. Death, misfortune, tragedy may strike at any minute and the worst thing you will do is be unprepared. COVID-19 should have taught us all a great lesson by now. Life is too unpredictable to take chances.
My advice to you is simple. Visit any of the big law firms like Aluko&Oyebode, Banwo & Ighodalo, Templars and ask to speak with a partner. Let them brief you properly on how best to secure the future of your children. Let them give you guidance on how to set up a trust for your kids. You owe no one an explanation on how you intend to share your assets.
Do not tell your husband of your consultation. I’m a bit skeptical of you buying the property in both your names. If he’s from my side, the South East, I am even more worried. But that’s something the lawyers can give you advice on.
Above all, please don’t be too trusting of anyone. My mother, and by extension myself, are paying dearly for being too trusting in a man. All her inheritance gone with my father. That will not be your case but be vigilant. Extremely vigilant. Never be naked to another human being.
Good advice for the poster.
DeleteOh what a poster living a fairytale in her head. He didn't have a dime in savings, partying and generous to a fault. You showed him your investments abi and now you feel he loves you more than the moon.
ReplyDeleteMy dear you had the upper hand in the relationship so your husband is only being loyal. I think you know in your heart that he dotes on his sons and they might have an upper hand. Please ask yourself this question if the roles were reversed and you had 2 sons from another man before marriage, would your husband buy a property that your sons would inherit first? Please you people should be using your head to love biko and more importantly be wise
Exactly!
DeleteHahaha leave her i pity her.
DeleteIf you have answered all these questions sincerely. Then let's look at some objective measures.
ReplyDelete1. How old are your children, if they are a little grown, or when they grow up, let them know everything about your business.. Trust them absolutely with your affairs.
2. You can ask your husband questions or tell him hypothetical cases (Maybe of a man that left all his wealth to his boys alone and left nothing for his girls), watch his reaction, that will help you assess his position on the equal inheritance rights of girls and boys. (But there is a risk that he might sense you're asking for the sake of your daughters, since you have only daughters and then tell you what you want to hear.
3. Do you have your own personal investment, money etc. I mean things that belong to you alone, not your husband and yourself. If yes,make a Will, appoint your husband and your younger sibling as Executors (get a lawyer) and will everything to your daughters. While you can both have your joint invesments and property, you can keep your own money etc in your own name. Use your daughter as next of kin. Carry them along in all you do.
Above all, trust God to preserve you so that you can train your children. Please keep an inheritance for your children. There is nothing wrong with keeping a godly heritage for your children.
At some point, you will need to have an honest conversation with your husband about how the both of you will divide YOUR JOINT PROPERTY among all the Four children.
Your husband is supposed to give his boys from HIS PERSONAL MONEY, PROPERTY etc. and give your girls from your joint property.
May God give you the necessary wisdom.
Poster all I have to say is anybody can change at any time
ReplyDeletePoster it's a good thing that you trust and love your husband. However, your fears are valid.
ReplyDeletePlease buy the property in your children's (twins)name.
I beg you, don't ever make the mistake of not buying it in their names.
Moving forward,life is so unpredictable. You need to be wise with your finances. No need to disclose everything to your husband. That's not say you shouldn't help your husband however you can. May God direct you.
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe some ladies are asking this woman not to secure the future of her daughters to avoid rocking the boat in her home. Who do una this thing? Hian!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I weak o!
DeleteAh Madam... Ah... I am not trying to put any ideas in your head... but, is it a human being you trust like this? A mortal, a human who does not even know what is in his own heart, he does not know what he is capable of doing?
ReplyDeletePlease Ma, wake up... You may be older than me but I am concerned and would advise you as a sister.
Please, wake up, on behalf of your children, ma. Let there be inheritance, if that will bring peace.
How will the boys believe that all the money or property is/was not for their father, in the event of any happening?
Let everything be on the table now, discuss with him now, for you to write a chronicle, it means you are concerned. Talk to him. If he does not have anything to hide, the issue should not cause any trouble. Don't sweep this concern under the carpet.
May God guide you in every thing...
Eerily similar situation, only that I had boys. Only advise I can give is remain open and let your husband see your vulnerability/fears genuinely. He will respond to it positively if your intentions are pure.
ReplyDeleteAlso, please ensure that what belongs to your children is clearly marked. In my case we decided that what we built and bought together will go to our children and not my step children. If you want to leave inheritance for all 4, please ensure it is clear.
I am going to assume you have a good relationship with the boys’ mother. If not, please try, it goes a long way. The caveat is that she is a reasonable and rational person. In any case, I’d advise you to lawyer up.
All the best.
If your parents are alive, plan with them to buy it in your daughters' names that's if your husband doesn't buy the idea.
ReplyDeleteMy banker friend bought a land but she gave her mum the money to get it in her name, and they thought it was her mum that bought it.
You can gift your kids things, open accts for them.
Chei! This is correct native sense.
DeleteI know a similar story.
The woman was (she's late now) rich but her husband had kids from other wives but she had only one surviving child, a girl.
Now, she couldn't gift her daughter her money cos she was married (her hubby is now late) and her husband had a son from an affair b4 marriage. The rich woman decided to buy properties in the names of her grandkids. The rich woman is dead now as well her daughter's husband.
Currently, villagers have told the illegitimate son to take charge and occupy the man's village home as is customary (Igbo). Luckily, the other lands were bought in the other kids' names, so those ones are safe.
Since 5 years, the rich woman's daughter hasn't set foot in that village house she toiled to build with her husband before he passed on.
THIS IS AFRICA.
Please protect your girls.i come from a poly home,dad made us believe we had equal rights with our stepbrothers.Everything was Rosy until his demise!Alas, little did we know!DADDY LIED!HE LIED THROUGH HIS TEETH ALL THESE YEARS!
ReplyDeleteOMG! Why?! See how he left a sour memory.
DeleteU see?Madam be wise as the Serpent!Shine your eyes..Your kids first before your step kids..They are not your responsibility..they have their father and mother.Buy that property in your name and daughter..include hubby if u like ..Put leave almost all for your own kids...
DeleteSeems you never see where man kills wife cuz of property .You need to see more movies and hear people's true life stories ..BE WISE...
Poster, there are two endings, good or bad, I just pray you do what's right for your family, but please understand that people change..
ReplyDeleteThe only reason that man is allowing her handle the finances without complaint is because he knows she brings more to the table and if he really calculates they are leaving above the means of his salary.
ReplyDeleteMadam my advice to you is this: my mom will always say buy yours I buy mine after all na the children go inherit everything. Please make sure to put your name alone on that document if you can not convince him to have his daughters names on it...this is reasonably fair because the money is actually coming from you. No matter how man good dem nor Dey know am finish and no matter how today sweet you nor go fit predict say tomorrow go sweet like that.
Please, secure the future of your daughters. It's very very paramount
ReplyDeletePoster,with experience its very good to be open and trusting with one's spouse but life happens,if the table is turned will your husband agree to include your children in his will.secondly,does for husband seeks your consent with regards to his decision when it concerns his sons.Thirdly,what is your relationship with the boys mother having in mind that your influence over the boys is limited because of the presence of their mother in their lives. Now let's look at at this angle,don't you think the boys mother allow them to visit their father because of what they are enjoying and the good treat you give them,does she acknowledge you and tell you thank you after the kids comes back to base. Bear in mind that your kids cannot be as old as those boy so your husband will always want those boys come what may except very few men. I will advise that your own is your own and you cannot claim another woman's children as yours when their mother is alive. The heart of man is desperately wicked and deceitful...... I will advise pls invest in your children's names, you can gift the boys things because they have a mother who is thinking for them and planning for them, your children have only you!
ReplyDeleteLet's consider this...
ReplyDeleteAssuming each of the three parents has 50million to their names.
You and your hubby leave 100m for the 4kids equally (25m apiece) and the boys' mother leave them her 50m.
This means las las, your girls get 25m and their brothers 50m.
Is that fair?
Poster you are a very good woman, types like you are hard to find. Be also open to your hubby about this particular issue, BUT in the name of all that is right, leave an inheritance for your children, have a will, power of attorney and life assurance, please do not take these things lightly... Life happens, secure your daughters' futures, at least you owe them that, biko...
ReplyDeleteExactly. Why make all the money when u have no intentions of leaving them for your daughters.. what about your family members?
DeleteMy advice would have been different if your husband was a widower and you raised the boys.
ReplyDeleteYou should not split your kids' inheritance when the boys' mother will also leave them something pressed down and shaken together.
What about marriage makes Nigerian women so silly and naive. An intelligent woman like you recklessly exposing her children to future uncertainties. Nigeria is the 20th most dangerous place to be a woman, in case you don’t know (UN statistics). His friends and family may even still have loyalties with the first wife and you don’t know. The fact that you think this man is broke with nothing in his sons’ names...why are you so sure l? He may keep some things from you but you don’t do the same.
ReplyDeleteWell happened to my uncle. Let’s just say today his older children and their mother (ex Wife number 1) are living in the house that he and wife number 2 built. After decades the man’s family defended the property rights of wife number 1 as the first wife, even though she was a foreigner. Women please stop thinking you are the exception and throwing all caution to the wind. We always like to think we are special and immune from the bad behaviour of men even when signs are there. You can be discrete with your finances and your children’s future without letting your husband know. If anything happens to that man tomorrow, his extended family will drag you for his “property” and place his older children (who happen to be boys) over you and yours. Keep everything in your name and that of your biological children. Have a lawyer and well known law firm draft you a will. Establish trusts in the foreign country they have citizenship- which you can also use to avoid that the wealth they have isn’t exploited by relatives and gigolos. A word is enough for the wise. If you know how many women are also doing the same thing...
Poster..Ofcourse why won't your marriage be sweet when the man knows u have made it..How cie he had nothing to show for it as a medical consultant?Hmmm....Seek advice from a Reputable Lawyer..They will advise u better..There are a lot ongoing in marriages.. your hubby might meet someone with jazz tomorrow and all these lovey dovey act will disappear..All these Kayanmatan they are selling on IG ain't for nothing..MAKE HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES..
ReplyDeleteFEMALE CHILDREN DESERVES INHERITANCE.
As for the boys,it's left for your husband to leave something for them...They also have their mum.. Face your front ..
Poster please don't be in a haste to make any decision,think it through(pros & cons) before you take any step.I pray God in his infinite to Guide u in making a wise decision.
ReplyDeletePoster please use Google to find the millions of stories, court cases and injustice facing women who have made serious mistakes with their money in marriage. Your eye go clear. Then narrow it down to the African ones and you will cry your eyes out - especially the ones with stepchildren. Your instinct is everything now. Also pray for wisdom.
ReplyDeleteDon’t know if my comment will be relevant given the time, but it’s just 5pm here anyways. So madam, what I will tell you is since you always drag your husband to your project as stated here, that means literally you both work on the projects regardless and are entitled to whatever comes out of it.Why don’t you include all the kids name on the property and save a trust fund for your daughters or better still have both of your names on the property. My two cents though!
ReplyDeleteBest buy that house with the names of your girls shikena! No more, no less, Nothing wrong in leaving properties for ur kids. Nothing wrong there atall. if you buy it with you and your husbands names, when you are both gone the boys would inherit it.
ReplyDeleteIf your hubby's name is on the document just know the property is for your stepkids. Pls use your children's names, as noone knows tomorrow. Men are easily jazzed.
ReplyDeleteAbeg protect your children by putting the property in their names. Never put it in your husbands name because of his family. In future the story changes alwaysssss
ReplyDeleteThe way to deal with this is multi-pronged. I suggest you first ask you husband the name in which the document should be drawn up. That will give you an insights into his mind and guide your future actions. If he says both of you that is fine but ensure you write your full names and middle names and then surname so it is clear who the owners are. If he says the names of the children that is also fine. Use it. Sometimes it is better to pay a small price for future peace for your children and yourself. It may seem stupid now but will make sense in the future if anything goes south which I pray will not. Moreso, he has sweat equity in the success of the contract so let him have some stake in it.
ReplyDeleteNow to the fear you have expressed which is not unfounded because our intuition NEVER lies, I strongly advise you first deal with it using prayers asking God for guidance so that your fear does not dominate you and make you take bad actions that you will regret. Everyone experiences fear, jealousy, etc but as God said in Genesis do not make it dominate you. You should control it. Whilst you pray continuously also engage a reputable lawyer or trust company e.g. StanbicIBTC Trustees (I prefer law firms though) to draft your Will. Everyone needs a will because your beneficiaries need a Will or letter of administration to access your pension funds, gratuity, etc. Death can come anytime it does not wait for old age so secure your children’s education and future. If unfortunately they get to be beneficiaries before they are adults make provisions for that by choosing at least three (3) persons; one should be from the law firm or trustee, another from your family and then your husband (if he predeceases you then someone from your family). Reason I have gone into details is because of your blended family. It is hard enough when it is even a monogamous family and illegitimate children not to talk of a blended one.
In your Will designate your children as beneficiaries of all that you have. This means they get to have one-half of the house but whole of all you other wholly owned investments which I assume you still have and did not change to Joint ownership. I will strongly suggest you do a Trust Fund for your daughters to safeguard their education incase of any unforeseen event as they are still 12 years or so from University (you said they are 5 years). Make regular contributions abeg. Since you said you are bad with secrets you can share the idea with you husband but not the statement of account. However, he may bring up or wonder why you have not mentioned doing same for his sons so think well before you broach this topic cuz if you just talk about your children’s welfare he will make his calculator wake up. So once you start it know that you may have to do for his children but with your husband’s funds ONLY please do not add yours. I am certain their mother will have something stashed away for them.
Like a poster said do not be totally naked with people. Human beings tend to change but God does not so na only God you can show your nakedness (no pun intended). Last but not the least, continue to be good and fair to the children and your husband do not let your fear eat you up which is easy considering the many horror stories we hear of.
I hope the epistle makes sense.
I'm skeptical about you poster.
ReplyDelete