Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative -UPDATE

Advertisement

Advertisement - Mobile In-Article

Wednesday, May 06, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative -UPDATE

WOW.....





Hello Stella, I am the lady that sent in a chronicle last year October, I saw all the advices and I am grateful... so I made enquiry on Domestic violence and I couldn’t get any good information, please keep me Anonymous.


I have a bigger issue at hand and I need advices on what to do. After sending chronicle to SDK, after reading advices, I decided to speak to our counselor which since then his been taking classes for me on how to heal concerning the hurtful statements my husband always uses on me. So our counselor told me to talk to him about the issue and then I decided to talk to hubby about it and it even turned into a Bigger fight, he told me that why would I be carrying forgotten issues in my heart something that has been since almost 7 months that I am still bringing up. 



Then I told him cause it was still hurting me and moreover he never apologized. So when I started explaining then I said he was a lier due to so many lies he had said to me, he then flied up and started reigning insults on me saying: 1,That he never loved me that it’s cause of pregnancy that made him marry me that if not for pregnancy he won’t even look at my face 2, That I should go and thank God I saw husband because no one would have married me cause I am after 1( meaning I already have a child) 3, That he regrets ever getting married to someone who has given birth before 4,That I am not his type of woman, 5, Started insulting my son saying, if I don’t see how useless my son is that his life is useless, all what I told him about my past life and the ones he knows he used it against me that night ....



 Stella and Bvs I almost fainted the only thing I could say was please the kids are sleeping don’t wake them you can continue with the insults tomorrow morning. Cause he was shouting on top of his voice, when he finished talking I didn’t know when I started crying and what he said was that if I like I should cry to death... He went to work the second day and when he came back I begged him crying because I wanted a happy environment for my kids. I also told him I was the one whom you hurt and I am still the one apologizing that he has told me many things about himself and family but never used against him, but whenever we both have misunderstanding his quick to tell me my life history. He quickly put on a loud video to over power my voice and i just kept quite.. 2 days later he came begging that he was sorry and never meant anything he said he only said it for me to get hurt and he knows it would be hard for me to forgive. He was sober when saying this. I did not just say anything I was just looking at him.


Now my problem is how do I live with someone I no longer have trust for and someone who told me to the face that he doesn’t love me, someone who said past months that my breast was so soft and it’s frustrating him and his just managing it, I even forgot to say these during the misunderstanding I saw him checking on sites where to get prostitute to go sleep with and also making advances to some females on his WhatsApp contact that’s after 2days of our fight.. NO I did not snoop I saw this on the laptop when I wanted working with it, he forgot to log out on all the sites he opened.


Since I got married he has refused getting a business for me.. he always give 1excuse to another... he doesn’t buy recharge card on my phone whenever I need to call i would have to use his phone... he woke up one day to say he would start giving me monthly allowances but never did which I kept reminding him.... when I started learning on how to make pastries on YouTube to sell he makes statements like, you are wasting Gas and these is not the right time for all this.... the only thing he does for me is cloth, food and water....


Please NO one should tell me to leave the marriage cause I don’t even have 5naira in my account to go anywhere or start up a little Business on my own, and my family is still struggling All I need is how do I let go of such a huge scar in my heart?


YES I Sweared for Him, 1, cause he knows fully well he never loved me yet he led me into marriage. 2, Before we started the relationship I told him about my child he said my child is not an issue that his okay with him.. why did he now say he regretted getting married to one who had a child before


Thank you Stella I Appreciate you.




*Gbege oh.............You locked yourself in this prison and threw the keys away...

123 comments:

  1. This is not marriage,it is captivity!!! And since you don't want us to tell you to leave,keep praying for him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're saying you don't wanna leave bcos you're broke right? I pray you don't snap one day and kill your husband thereby ending up behind the bars for life or him snapping and end up killing you bcos he has told you he can't stand your sight. One of these things might happen later on. If you know what's good for you you better pack your things And live that hell hole you called marriage.

      Delete
    2. Madam, brace up and find a way to cope and accommodate him like that. Better still turn to War-room. The Lord is your strength.

      For yet to be married sister's, biko, I beg you to please love yourself enough to be a whole standing human being financially before you walk down the isle. Equality in marriage and mutual respect is all about what you are able to bring to the table, what value you add to your partner. If you go to his house a dependant you have no right to demand any special kind of treatment. You will have to adapt and make-up with whatever is dished to you just as we expect dependent men to accept whatever we dish them if they sit home and expect us to feed them. There is nothing wrong with waiting and finding your financial feet before marriage. It's not all about biological clocks o. Take it from someone who has been there. If all you bring to the table is child-bearing, child-raising, home-keeping just like past generations of women, today's generation of women are much more than that. We are super-women! We raise and keep families and still occupy prestigious seats in board meetings making the millions alongside the men. Don't be any less. If you are, you will be treated less and you won't be able to walk away. And if you walk away, you will resort to all sorts to survive including selling your kidneys.

      Be wise. Make hay while the sun shines ladies.

      Delete
    3. Let me borrow space here.
      Madam poster please find something doing,if you can get a teaching job around you,good. But by all means get something doing. All these is as a result of "see finish". Get up on your feet and get something doing,don't be a liability cos that's how he sees you.
      It will also help to build your self esteem and distract you from his bad behaviour and I can assure you that the bad behaviour will reduce once you bring something to the table

      Delete
    4. Saphire, your second paragraph = 12 cartons of champagne + a truckload of strawberries + life time of dark chocolate. You nailed it.

      Delete
    5. An abusive man will always be abusive even if the woman is a multimillionaire, the only difference is that the woman will be secured with her money.

      The poster story isn't different from what I went through with my ex but we didn't marry.

      I used to be a primary school teacher before I got the job I'm presently doing, I almost resigned from my job thank God I didn't succumb to him, from his false accusations, to insulting me with things I've told him about myself and family.

      At some point, he said I was avoiding pregnancy and he won't stop using a condom either, my self esteem was shattered. At some point I was believing everything he was saying from saying I'm fat when I am not, the list is endless.

      Poster, pick the rest of your self and secure yourself financially, get something doing

      Delete
    6. 18.43 I am sorry for your bad experience and thank God you are fine now. I had a colleague that was imposed on me from my head office because she had a hellish husband. HR transfered her to my branch in Abuja from Lagos just to get her away from him. She used to be a vibrant happy young girl only for a terrible marriage to happen to her. But her job kept her going and helped her find the strength to leave him.

      You can try confiding in a boss or your HR and they will work out something for you if they find you valuable and resourceful.

      Delete
    7. Saphire, your second paragraph isπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ.. More wisdom to you

      Delete
    8. Saphire@16:38, your mama born & raised you well. You spoke just the truth,reality and life and that will help women if they follow your counsel.
      Bvs and fellow women(married or single), pls note that when you put too much pressure on the men as liability that you are, he snaps and the relationship CANNOT be rosy. Sapphire has said it all. Can't say more. Take heed.

      Delete
  2. It is well, may God give you the heart to forgive and let go of all the hurt.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Father Lord!! 🀦
    Madam, this your husband no try atall.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am an after one but will not take bullshit from anyone, will rather not marry ser marriage is not a do or die affair it's better to be an after one and have peace than be in marriage bondage..abeg find work anyhow and leave the stupid man

    ReplyDelete
  5. Since he has apologized have you forgiven him? believe me subsequently he will do worse, you need to make something out of life for yourself, because it is only God that is dependable. Try to map out a plan for your life,learn a trade or service,you need to put your life in your own hand. I feel for you and I hope you find peace. Alot of things have gone wrong, pray to God

    ReplyDelete
  6. Forgiveness.
    That is the key.
    "Father forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sinned against us"
    A lot of us prayed that this morning but do we mean it?
    If yes, then forgive this man and free yourself. Then you will find the grace from God to live and enjoy your marriage.
    You sinned against God, fornication etc. he forgave you and you should forgive also. It is not hard.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Poster Please Please don't tolerate that toxic environment.. Try the option of separation for your sanity and that of the kids.. That man has not respect for you and you gradually losing your self-esteem ..Why not visit the office of the public defender in Surulere or speak with your lawyer on separation . Please leave that toxic environment I beg you..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. gradually ke ? she is lost it a long time ago and can never find it poster die there that is your business your children will only suffer and be left with a bigger scar you are varrying up and down.

      Delete
    2. Poster don't leave the marriage for your own dignity since you already have a kids with two different men. Endure this too shall pass. Just look for a job no Matter how small. It will bring a certain level of stability to your home. Even if he tries to be stupid you will be too occupied and happy to care

      Delete
  8. She said she doesn't want to leave her marriage, why suggesting to her that she should? She wants to raise her kids in a wholesome home. It is not that bad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What’s wholesome about this home

      Delete
    2. Is that home wholesome ? is that a home in the first place ? no wonder there are dysfuntional people everywhere in that country. Mtchew

      Delete
    3. Sarcasm of life. I actually LOL'd

      Delete
    4. @16:43
      I did not mean sacarsm. I meant what I wrote.
      If this woman settles the rift with her husband, the home becomes
      wholesome and she can raise her kids there. You all came to this post
      with a mind made up to help scatter it.

      Delete
    5. You are obviously in a damaged relationship. You deserve better,dear.

      Delete
  9. Cast all your cares and burden upon Jesus for He cares for you. It may not look like He cares now with all you are going through but I am assuring you, Jesus cares.. And he is waiting for you to come to him.. He is not just a Father, He is also a friend, the dearest one there is..
    Draw closer to Him, develop a close relationship with him today and you'll be marveled at the outcome.

    When all else fail, Jesus never fails. The psalmist said "I sought the Lord and he heard me and delivered me from all my fears". Take it to God in prayers

    This may not look like the kind of advice you want to hear, in fact I wasn't going to comment but that Bible verse up there just dropped in my spirit. May the grace of God be with you. Amen

    ReplyDelete
  10. Madam why have you given up on yourself?
    Learn a trade or any skill, at least to help yourself.
    This man wants to torture you all his life, he wants you to be miserable and guess what? You're helping him succeed.
    Dust yourself up and do something.
    You sound so damaged and confused.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I pray and pray for you not to go mad. More of these to come. I hope you know that but most of all, pray he doesn't walk out. Since you have no where to go.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I pray that one day you will give yourself enough sense and find courage to release yourself from this bondage. You are the key to your freedom.

    Enough said.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Keep enduring and may be God will change him for good one day.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You are a perfect candidate for suicide. That marriage u r saving. U ll use your hand and take your own life and hurt that son of yours even more.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Madam you are suffering from Stockholm in its severity. That your husband is a narcissistic sociopath. You don't have money and he knows this, that's his hold over you. He believes you have no life outside him. Plan to get a job (no matter how little) without informing him then leave.
    P.s you can still leave without money. You will survive. It will be very difficult but you surely will

    ReplyDelete
  16. So you cannot look for a way to start doing something so u can get money to leave (there are jobs u can do from home)or talk to your family member or a trusted friend that can accommodate you for now, I'm not saying divorce him ooh, since it would strip u off your 'Mrs title' separate for your own sanity, your self worth is going down the drain, give him space for now. You're carrying too much hurt in your heart, see you outlining the things he said, so you remember them and it hurts you which can have physical and psychological effects on you.
    Space to heal and forgive him and yourself is what you need right now!
    All d best.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Madam LEAVE!!! You are a woman, you can fend for yourself and kids. Don't allow anyone miss treat you and don't tell is what to tell you. All you need is a sane place where u can put up for few months and start selling the pasties you talked about. Akara gives money, pastries and zobo, you can do it. Stand up for yourself and kids.

    My friend married a single mother and uncle adores her, before you meet her, you have met her son. She says it anywhere and everywhere, she's expecting any moment from now. So bei6an after 1 or 10 means nothing, get your esteem back and walk the hell away like Johnny Walker...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for this comment. Women like this make marriages for single moms scary.

      I am single mum. I work, drive, take good care of myself emotional and spiritually. Y would I allow such into the peaceful and loving family I have. Companionship is good but this NEVER

      Delete
    2. I am always shocked when a lady says "leaving is not an option". I still don't get. You can't continue to drive me crazy and expect me to stay. I don't want to visit yabaleft
      On not having a source of income, it is only a lazy or handicapped person that would say that. I can sell sachet water, charcoal, tomatoes etc to survive. My friend left her abusive husband with three children. She sells pap in ikeja now and she's training them well. I don't get why one son of a woman would treat me like a rag and still burn to ashes.

      Delete
    3. She said she doesn't want to leave, why are you all goading her into leaving? Are you ladies marriage destroyers?

      Delete
    4. Some women never worked (paid or business)and dont know how to. Some women are raised to believe all they need is their looks and a man will take care of them. So all they fight for is how to be with a man rather than acquire skills with which they can earn a living. Imagine saying..."not an option", which means she has no hope of surviving without him, an ordinary human being ooh.

      Delete
    5. Thanks jare. What if he (God forbid) dies right now?

      Delete
  19. pray for your marriage, fast and pray, always take 21 days fasting every month, and go on your knees to pray that God should plant your love and that of your son in his heart. cry bitterly to God. Then when your husband start any of his quarrel, fall on your knees before him and beg him to forgive you. cry while begging him too. Ndo!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wao. 21 days fasting every month? For how long? Just to be in a marriage? What you are advocating is slavery. She should go on her knees before him when guy man starts any quarrel and beg to be forgiven even when oga is guilty too? I have never read anything like this before. All in a bid to answer Mrs?

      Kukuma advise her to be flushing his poo, brush his teeth, wash his hands before and after he finishes eating.

      Wonderful!!!

      Delete
    2. Just Bella you said exactly what she wants to hear. Had a colleague then that was in a terrible marriage but didn't want to leave and I became the bad person for telling her the truth, whenever she comes around I'll tell her to pray and forgive. poster next time he insults or body shames you kneel down and beg for forgiveness,You people are looking for who to tension this afternoon 😁😁😁😁

      Delete
    3. Let her turn Julius Berger untop marriage. To bear Mrs is not by force. I pray she doesn't run mental before leaving that shit hole. Very toxic environment to bring up children.

      Delete
    4. You guys will not kill someone, since she said leaving is not an option then begging is the best option. Poster keep on begging him, watch war room, drink coconut oil it will help .

      Delete
    5. Is this suppose to be sarcasm or this is truly an advise from an human being created in God’s image? Praying about/for one’s marriage is not a bad thing but fasting for 21 days of every month for this one, is beyond me. She should rather invest some of the energy in praying for a business idea, a job or divine helpers while also doing what she can(action). She should fall on her knees and start crying whenever he starts his troubles because he is her God? Has she reverenced God in such manner? God will even slap her if she does that to her fellow mortal because he is not interested in idol worshippers.

      Delete
    6. @ Baltika, your second paragraph is not a bad idea at all! poster please listen to that advice, flush his poo and brush his teeth too, also shave his armpit too.

      @ Yellow sisi abi oh! since leaving is not an option, that advice up there is the best option.

      Anon 16:44, Yes oh, she needs to keep her home! husband is scares oh, she can't leave her home for any other woman. poster fight for your home! πŸ€—πŸ€—

      @Excited courtesy... you are in the spirit!

      Anon.17:18, that one dey for your pocket oh!

      Delete
    7. 21days fasting for who Biko, marriage, I didn't know that if you get to heaven, you will need marriage certificate, nonsensical we over spiritualize everything even when it's apparent that the person needs help. I am going through similar issues for over 15yrs now, I have praised fasted still he apologizes today give him 2weeks we are back square one, at my age early 40s peace of mind is very important, I have started saving, God on my side everything will be over soon. Dear you are not doing your kids any good allowing him treat you like that. Ask God for directions I bet you,you will not know where the strength to push forward will come from.
      All the best, we both need it.

      Delete
  20. You really locked yourself up. Thank God he doesn't beat you as you have planted your placenta with him.

    ReplyDelete
  21. hmmn. this man can make a healthy woman go CRAZY I MEAN YABA LEFT (THAT IS NOT YOUR PORTION IN JESUS NAME AMEN). THIS INSULTS ARE TOO MUCH... You need to dedicate your life to JESUS< then tell him to heal your heart and help you forgive your husband to live a peaceful life cos without JESUS it might go worse. Commit your marriage into God's hands. I think you need space n time to heal... God will provide you with a job/ business. I realised been dependent on a man solely makes them spew anyhow insults on thier wives . Your marriage will be enjoyed and greatly blessed in Jesus name amen. All is wellamen

    ReplyDelete

  22. There is a story my uncle used to tell us when we were younger to make us avoid lying and be truthful to our parents. It may apply to your situation.

    A young boy went to swim in the river. His mother warned him against swimming but he disobeyed her because all his friends were swimming and he felt left out. If others could swim and return home safely why couldn’t he? After all he was taller and older than some of the boys swimming. He had watched them enough to know how to swim.

    One hot afternoon when no one was looking he snuck out and went to the river. He dived into the shallow end and felt the water cool his skin. He was waist deep in the river and loving it. An old man saw him and warned him to leave the river immediately but he ignored him. He splashed about happily wishing his friends could see him swim.

    Thirty minutes later, an old lady passed by and warned him to leave the river. He didn’t listen too. However, he noticed the water was almost at his breasts. He ignored it because he was still close to the river bank. He kept splashing and have fun.

    About an hour later, the sky turned grey and the current was strong. It was a struggle to stand firm and he was about to leave when his mother marched to the river bank and ordered him out of the river. Out of fear, he remained rooted on the spot. This went on for some minutes until his friends came around to observe the scene.

    On sighting them he shouted that they should teach him how to float in the river. To him, it was safer to float in the river than facing the wrath of his mother. They tried explaining to him but by then the thunder and lightening had started and they hurried home. The tide was high and the river was wild. He could feel the small fishes nibbling at his feet and could barely keep his mouth out of the water.

    It finally dawned on him to get out of the river and as he took a step to leave, a huge wave hit him and he went under. The boy was found three days later floating in the river. He had finally learned how to float but not in the way he would ever have had imagined.

    The story scared us all straight as kids and I want it to do same to you. So if you like stay there and expose yourself and innocent son to horrible emotional abuse. If your husband was a ritualist are you telling me you won’t have found a way out of that environment? What if he pushes you out on the street tomorrow won’t you find a roof over your heads? When this marriage consumes you, in your final hours you’ll realize that it’s better to get out and drink garri than have life altering damages inflicted on you and your son.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG!!! A very powerful analogy. I wish my mother had listened. Hmm. Story for another day.

      Delete
  23. Shey with all these things wey pesin dey read, I fit marry so? I am a very fragile person, and lil things do get to me, my bp rises at any lil thing that disturbs my peace of mind, so imagine I now get married and start facing all these rada rada? I am 25 and trust me, I av been really picky and taking things slow after I eventually pick, I am super scared of heart break and wahala, I don't want this kind of situation where I'd ever regret marrying a man. This life sef no pure, sometimes you court, you see the signs ignore and get married and things gets even worse, sometimes you don't even see the signs till after marriage, all of these things are really dicey and leaves me wondering how a person can get it right, can a person ever get it right? Guess no with all this Chronicles I read about marriages. Stella people should sometimes post about a happy home, so that it can encourage the singles and make them see a lil light in marital journey. Madam poster since you said he has apologized and was even remorseful about it, then try to forgive him, since you don't want to leave the marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Have you considered saving some or part of the money he gives to you for cloths,food and water? Just small small even if na from N500. Before you know it,it would be enough to start up something.

    When a woman becomes dependent on her spouse for money to survive, omo na gbege oooo bcos what works for you may not work for another.
    Try learn and acquire some skills.
    P.S.A good and stable marriage is made of two good forgivers.
    Since leaving your marriage is not an option you'd want to consider, try and empower yourself financially, protect yourself bcos for all you know your husband might already have a side chicken who he's currently happy with.
    For the sake of yourself, your sanity and children, forgive yourself and your husband.
    Above everything else, be happy,Do things that make you happy 😘😘😘.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Omo.. This is critical.. Very very.

    My advice to women;

    Please I beg you, have something doing, no matter how small.. Please

    It pains me when a man stops being responsible as a husband.

    2nd. A Man that emotionally abuses or insults his wife.. Haba.. That thing can kill someone's moral ehn.

    3rd. A man that marries a woman, claims her property, sells them, squanders his wife's money or uses his wife's money on side chic.

    Poster seems you have gba kamu..

    Your husband no try at all o..
    All what he said can make a woman think otherwise..

    Please be wise in handling him.

    Cheer up most times and Pray to God for direction

    ReplyDelete
  26. Emotional abuse is the worst of all abuse because the scar is where no other person will see it (heart). Madam I pray the Lord touches your husband's heart so that he can treat you right for the mean time stop complaining, don't expect much from him, swallow the insults and live for yourself and your kids

    ReplyDelete
  27. Madam, your hubby's wickedness is from the out of hell. Since you can't leave forgive and forget all he has done to you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Since there's no hope of leaving, he knows that, you also believe it then endure and grow a thicker skin. Cos nigga would say worse things to you in future. I will only pray you find peace in any way possible

    ReplyDelete
  29. Ok. So what do you want to do now?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hanty stay in the marriage....enjoy yourself since a man must cater for your needs!!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Poster I'm so heart broken about what you are going through, it's well with you, I feel so sad for your son whom your husband dragged, all I have to say to you is that it will only take your husband to have a personal encounter with Christ before he can stop all the abuse towards you. Secondly poster you might end up a "very" damaged woman if you don't work towards exiting that marriage, honestly speaking because an ideal mind is in the 😈 workshop, that is if you were busy, working or running a business, he would be the last person on your mind, you get. Honestly you need God's intervention financially most especially to stand on your own, in other not to loose your sanity, and I bet you no matter how you try to be financially independent your abusive husband will never support your in any where, he will continue to abuse you, that you will think very little of yourself. Please like I earlier stated start looking Up to God for financial help and upliftment for your sake and that of your kids, my heart goes out to your son, kindly change your thinking and be desperate to make money by all means in a legit way, I bet you he will be the least of your worries. It will end in praise for you, lastly don't forget that as a man thinket in his heart so is he, be mindful of what you think about yourself and what you say to yourself, and whenever he starts with his abuses try to ignore him totally, don't swear for him again please, leave him to God, and focus on God for financial break through. Jesus loves you and thinks highly of you. Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  32. My heart bleeds for for you. Am allergic to indifference at any level. Please continue with your online course. The burden becomes less when a woman is financially dependent to some extent. In all be strong.

    ReplyDelete
  33. The day u ll murder this man and end up in kirikiri u won't even believe it. U know u have an issue with forgiveness and u want to stay with a man who doesnt care he hurt u. I fear for your children.see what a man says about your son yet u want to stay because of your laziness and indecision to make a life out of yourself. He will soon start abusing your son verbally and ruin that boys future. U r a wicked woman and dont deserve those children.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope she will read this comment.

      Delete
    2. She should better come down here and read this FACT and TRUTH you wrote for her!
      It's actually laziness to choose to continue staying with such a person because you don't have 5naira!

      Delete
    3. Las las the man might be the one to leave. You don’t challenge the man, you fall at his every beck and call and you don’t value yourself. Even the devil loves a challenge... he will go outside and start dating Magaret Thatcher or Delilah

      Delete
    4. Gbam! Anon 18.25

      Delete
    5. Imagine! She had to beg the Ekwensu after all the abominable things he said to her and her boy, the ekwensu ignored her completely and increased the volume of the d
      emonic song he was playing, Chinekenna!
      She still came here to tell us to not tell her to leave because she does not have 5naira and she's also certain that she can't work to own her own money, nsogbu uwa!

      Delete
  34. Since you have no interest in even planning on leaving let me shut up and read comments from those who know where to buy metal hearts 🀦‍♀️

    ReplyDelete
  35. Remain in d marriage.dont go anywhere them burry ur placenta their.

    Last last nah low self-esteem go be
    Ur name.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Madam it's well with you..take it to God in prayers,ask him to help you heal and forgive him ! Only then you can still be able to live with him since you can't come out of the union

    ReplyDelete
  37. May God fix it for you..
    Madam, enter serious prayer for your family..
    Prayer is the next step since you are not ready to leave...

    ReplyDelete
  38. Madam,you need to choose to be happy 1st. I'm also like you. I love a peaceful home. If you want your husband to respect you 'start making your own money and also contribute to the home'. You will see that things will change for good.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Not all men are scum....but some are scum

    ReplyDelete
  40. Endurance and patience is the key here. You need to be earning/making money as fast as possible. See finish has entered the marriage. You don't need to apologize over what you did not do. Stop it. It changes nothing on the side of the man. It actually emboldens him. A couple can quarrel/disagree without name calling, shading or insulting each other on secrets told. Be focused, save like there's no tomorrow, start something and try to be as financially independent as you can get and watch the insults reduce.

    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Madam,since leaving isn’t an option,pls find a way to tighten ur heart wella,,make him look like a complete nobody,see him as a housemate,start looking for how to save small small from the food and cloth money,no matter how small,try,above all give yourself a little value cos if you keep crying in front of him,you can cry in ur closet o or when he goes to work but infront of him?he would keep downgrading you thinking he’s making senseπŸ™„

    ReplyDelete
  42. You see why women need to get a job and saving before marriage. Save some money. Save atleast 1m lowest in your personal account before saying I DO. But no! You all wanna rush to bear MRS. Ladies learn to take your time. Imagine what this poster is going thru. Am very sorry maa very sorry. But bear for now. Look for business no matter how small. Gather a little for yourself and decide what you want.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Dear Poster, I really feel your pains . First, please take everything to God in prayer and please forgive him for your own sake. Get rid of that bitterness so that it doesn't lead to depression and high blood pressure. Please look for a job or add something to your pastry business like selling soft drinks or bottle/ sachet water. You can start small,with good management it can become bigger. He doesn't respect you because you depend on him financially. Try and improve on yourself and determine that with God's help your children will not be useless on life. God loves you.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Hmmmm, is it possible you start saving from the money he gives you for food stuff? Can you do it?

    How did you get data to send in this chronicle if he doesn't buy ordinary recharge card for you?

    Do everything you can to avoid quarrelling with him. The words that come out of his mouth are terrible.

    If you can start saving From the money for food stuff, DO IT!

    ReplyDelete
  45. When they tell u pple to stop discussing ur pasts with ur men una no dey hear..wen Dem don tickle ur clit with toothpick ur mouth go start to run like tap.
    See eh madam I'll advise u to start cheating on this ur hubby..if u get one better Bobo wey go dey tickle u,u go forget say u dey live with ur hubby.wen he's around pick ur fone,make call and laugh out loud..always be busy with ur fone while u are always smiling or laughing.oga go do better u-turn and start licking ur feet

    ReplyDelete
  46. One of the reasons I pity lady getting married without a sustainable source of income. At this juncture, you're in a maximum prison.Ladies, don't depend don anyone for survival. It brings all sort of rubbish. Marriage is not a poverty alleviation program. I just pity this poster walahi

    ReplyDelete
  47. Something de worry you for head😑😑😠! No body should tell you to leave because you don't have 5naira and your family are struggling, so why the heck did you write this chronicle biko? Why? Ngwanu, STAY,stay inugo?
    Someone has told you to your face that he hates you, went as hard as involving your small child, an innocent boy,
    insulting and coursing his present and his future,Told you that his marring you was a mistake, dehumanises you and has continued to mess you up to an extent of not giving you money or allowing you do something to fetch you money,fuck it!you even have to make calls with his phone?Youddon't even have any freedom of space, privacy or respect.....And you said we shouldn't tell you to leave? Ngwa tell me, what exactly are you doing there in his house, what? Isn't it high time you stopped waisting your life and time with him and fircely go out and fight for your dignity? Get away from that imbecilic lunatic and go get your life back,with the way he's going, he'd make your son grow up to think so low of himself, to hate his existence and even hate and resent you, Leave that ekwensuuu you are leaving with, he hates you with a heavy passion, nothing good is ever going to come out of that morden day slavery you're ignorantly calling marriage.
    You won't die without him, trust me, you will so Survive, get out of that house bikoπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘, I am shouting and begging you at the same time, help yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Don't mind him continue learning the pastries I n YouTube, do it whenever he is not at home. Focus very well on chin Chin and small chops as they sell fast and very profitable. Apply for giveaway and start a small scale business. You will grow beyond your expectations, don't be scared even the Bible says we should not be afraid of little beginning. Please ignore him henceforth, pay little attention to his insults and rants and build your self esteem. Please stop begging him cos when you beg a man, he will feel on top of the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does that hubby of her look like someone who would allow her sell the pastry even after she's learned perfectly well?
      The man wants her to remain and die under his favour, that's why he refuses her working or venturing into any business, he doesn't even give her money, because he feels she might save up and start up a mini business, that man is a bad news in every ramifications of life, she should just leave him and go and struggle to get her own money, she can start anywhere pure water, sells rep,cleaner,Fruit seller anything at all,she should just walk away from the man biko.

      Delete
  49. Poster I'm short of words, may God heal your heart and straighten your life.

    ReplyDelete
  50. This Chronicle reminds me of my ex. I would have been sending Chronicles like this if I had gotten married to him. Thank God I left, thank God I opened up my heart to someone else after almost 2 years. I'm in a better place now and couldn't have asked for a better man.
    Poster, I really feel your pain and I pray God will direct you. Because there is no human advice that will work for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank God you dodged the bullet sisπŸ₯‚.

      Delete
  51. Don't mind him continue learning the pastries on YouTube, do it whenever he is not at home. Focus very well on chin Chin and small chops as they sell fast and very profitable. Apply for giveaway whenever Stella announces and start a small scale business. You will grow beyond your expectations, don't be scared even the Bible says we should not be afraid of little beginning. Please ignore him henceforth, pay little attention to his insults and rants and build your self esteem. Please stop begging him cos when you beg a man, he will feel on top of the world.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Madam forgive him if you can, but most importantly save up gradually and go learn a trade, with that you can take care of yourself and kids. Please learn something to earn money and get your life back.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Why do you women choose to live In sorrow? I'm angry..where's your self esteem and love for your own life? I feel sorry for you.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Some comments by some ladies are quite scarry, to continue praying to who? Until she drops dead, it's a shame a lot of Nigerian ladies have so much cheapened themselves because of rubbish,God gave us brains to think and not fuck, girl take a long walk from that marriage otherwise you end up like my mum,she went bananas for several years and later died, marriage is not a do or die affair

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you read the part where she said leaving isn't an option. Save your breathe nne. She die there!

      Delete
  55. Leaving is not an option but I guess death and insanity is your option. Shame on you for reasoning this way. You will suffer your children! Damn! Who raised such women? Where's your self worth? How do you love a human peace above yourself? God!!! Do you know what happiness means? Do you know what love and peace is? Do you?

    ReplyDelete
  56. How about looking into starting a service-rendering business like house cleaning, laundry, errand running, soup making etc. These businesses don't really need much capital and you can slowly build up your financial reserve. What you need now is self esteem and that esteem will come when you start working for your own money. Also lift your voice in prayer to the heavens. The larger percentage of your prayer should be dedicated to receiving healing from your husband hurtful words and actions; as well as your personal financial upliftment. If you need to go naked to say these prayers, please do. Remember to accompany the prayer with fasting. Take heart poster.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Almost similar to my Mum's life .....
    Poster ....just try and be financially buoyant no matter how little it could be and hold on to God .

    ReplyDelete
  58. Although, you said we should not tell you to leave, I am telling you to leave. Save money and leave that toxic environment. This week is mental health week in Canada and reading this makes me so sad considering all the awareness going on around me. You need to assess your mental health. Except you leave that environment, you and your children will be scarred for life. Your husband is destroying you in bits and he knows what he is doing.

    ReplyDelete
  59. May God help you to pull through since you said no one should advice you to leave your marriage,I wish you luck

    ReplyDelete
  60. This is so sad. The other day, I read a comment of an "after one" that got married but the new husband doesn't want the child so the child is with relatives. What's wrong with us? Both men and women, because as a man you can insult her and call her after one but when she opens leg you will fall inside yakata. Sleeping with her is fine, you then somehow end up marrying her and think you have done her a favour thereby taunting her everyday. Why not just go with single ladies. Last time I checked the world isn't bereft of single ladies.

    Anyway, women always bear the brunt of everything, single mothers why do you feel incomplete without a man. Society pressure will always be there but I dare say, you can only be pressured to an extent that you allow yourself to be. Why not empower yourself? Forget being a single mother, any woman married or not that decides to bring a child into the world must be ready for all responsibilities attached financial inclusive. Gone are the days when you think even as a married woman your only responsibility is to open legs, get pregnant and push out babies. Until we change our thinking and orientation chronicles like this will never end. The world has changed from the traditional roles and having a child should be your decision, so when you decide and have the child don't cry the father is dead beat and non existent. Some might have very good responsible men that will shoulder every responsibility but what happens if he dies suddenly? God forbid right? Okay now.
    Single mothers are settling for the ridiculous and I think laziness is the culprit. Someone is slowly destroying your self esteem but because you don't have money you stay. Hers is just an example. Your new husband doesn't want your child/ren but you accept it because he's giving you money and in your mind the money will help care for the children that you have abandoned to relatives(yes abandoned because they didn't ask to be brought into the world and the least you could do for bringing them into the world is to love, care and be present for them).

    Some allow their offspring to be abused by their spouses and tell the child to just bear it since new daddy is providing for them. Women enough of this laziness, you can't continue to move from one deadbeat man to another. Most got into the mess of single motherhood due to greed. He's giving you 5k, 50k and you think it will go on. You become pregnant intentionally or not and the man changes it for you and you realise the true picture of things. I've decided when motherhood comes to me, whether as a single or married woman, I will be able to take care of my children alone, what comes to their father will be an addition. I will never put them or myself at the mercy of any man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for this. Women keep on taking rubbish because they want to, simple.

      Delete
    2. Oh who are you. Your statement is an eye opener

      Delete
  61. You are living in bondage...You are not a risk taker...Must you wait for him to start a businesses...You mental reasoning is poor.He is angry because you are waiting for him to provide everything from toothbrush to food...You need to be a supportive wife and stop being idle...

    ReplyDelete
  62. Any woman who goes into a union without a source of income is a COMPOUND FOOL! poster what were you expecting?

    ReplyDelete
  63. Poster your laziness is enormous! For the sake of your son wake up and find something to do for yourself. Stop depending on a man. Work on your low self esteem. The world has long moved past lazy and totally dependent women. You see pregnant women with kids hawking , roaring corn doing any sort of jobs to keep their kids fed. Yet you have the effrontery to put up with crap in the name of marriage..... Mtchewww....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Which one is roaring corn bikonu na lion?

      Delete
    2. Roasting ... lol

      Delete
  64. Please forgive him and forget about everything. Erase everything from your heart, that's the only way u can be free and continue without any burden in your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  65. A lot of women with money and good jobs are in abusive marriages sha. If you give this woman 1million she won’t go anywhere, she’ll rather give the money to the husband. We need to train society to not judge women only by marriage. Some women would rather be married to a poor man that abuses them than be single. It’s the same people who judge Toke and assume every successful female celeb is a runs girl

    ReplyDelete
  66. I say this to the believers amongst us, marriages are under attack severelly, and it does noy matter whether you are a Christian or not, for someone you have made a vow to, to suddenly wake up and hate you, I mean totally hate you is not natural, I mean I find it hard to swallow, or perhaps they never loved you in the first place. Love is not a feeling, it is commitment and a decision... And afraid to say, this attack on marriages will only get worse, Solution... Turn to God truly and in faith, both men and women, not just women, and while at it, we should check our mental health, depression, bipolar etc can manifest in different forms... @Poster I really don't have words to say, but that you need to leave that toxic environment and take out time to heal, because truth is one day, one of you will commit murder...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marriages are not under any bloody attack. People have simply become lovers of themselves.

      Delete
    2. Good advice but she said she won’t leave.

      Delete
  67. This is the exact thing happening to my friend now, her husband tells anyone Who cares to listen including their pastor that he doesnt love her anymore that she is still in his house bcos of the Child they have together,that he stopped loving her since 2016,she even caught him pants don with his Babe,she fought the girl and when they got home he beat her up and tried to strangle her But neighbours interverned, and she took the case to the pastor,and the useless man said the only way he can forgive her is if she goes with him to apologise to his girlfriend, she has been begging him But he refused, AM so angry and afraid that he might kill her and run away,so i adviced her to leave and she refused saving they built the house they are staying together and she already has one son at home, me i told her that if she doesnt love then she shouldnt tell me about their problems again,he gives her 200 naira for soup, he Will not buy Food in the house,no Cloth for his son or wife Just school fees and thats All then he gives her 3000 to stock the house and still comb her bush 7 times a week

    ReplyDelete
  68. Wow. My first real job in Nig at age 24 I was paid 133k/month. The fulfillment of being financially empowered is not something I can describe. Save some, give out some, bless your parents, buy good stuff for yourself by yourself. Made me realize how foolish some of us girls were back in uni, rejoicing for 1500 recharge card or 30k blackberry phones men were using to lure girls. When you can earn even more money. Get educated and get a job. Or learn a skill, start a business and learn a job. Network wisely, make good friends and good decisions. And have a job. There is no reason for a full grown non handicapped adult to not have a source of income. In 2020. None whatsoever.

    Unless you're a heiress. Unless you have an inheritance. Unless you're a trophy wife who hubby pays monthly and you have savings that yield interest in the bank. But to think that you're at the mercy of this husband without 5naira is a sad sad story. I tell young ones don't just be online for trolling. You can make money online as well. Start a youtube channel..cooking, makeup. Find free courses and learn some skill. Have good tweets/comments so you can network and someone could notice and help you. Start a gofundme for funds if you have a good business idea or need help to go back to school. Just put in the work positivelyand prayerfully. Good luck!

    And for singles, try to have some work experience before getting married or even after marriage. Cos once you have experience you can always go back to work. Or try to get a masters or certification. Just don't be idle, pray against laziness and procrastination. Pls don't spend your 20s trolling or on men. Have dreams and goals for yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  69. @poster, I will actually say you have a problem. I wonder how you claim not to get valuable information on DV yet you use a laptop. And you claim to be seeing a counselor, how and why pls? What is s/he counseling you on? And why is your hubby not part of d counselling?

    Just reading your chronicle pissed me off and sincerely your hubby is trying. You have made your choice - not adding any value to yourself or your hubby other than having children that's why he is mad with you.

    Since you have warned us on how to advice you then my advice is as follows:

    1. Stop nagging, release yourself of all you bottle up inside you. Stop bearing grudge against your hubby. Endure all he throws at you and pray to God that neither of you becomes so frustrated to the extent of ending the other's life.


    2. Add value to your life + Add value to your family + Add value to your hubby X 20 times pls.

    3. Make sure you train your children to prepare themselves emotionally, financially and spiritually before rushing into marriage or baby-making.

    If you the like, focus on my harshness, but be rest assured that these are what I would have told you as my daughter or kid sister. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  70. 1) You do not love yourself because if you love yourself, you will not let him treat you like that. You will never be happy if you refuse to love yourself. Also, forgive yourself for everything.
    2) Stop depending on him for everything. Can you use common sense that to handle the responsibility of the family is too much, and he is taking it out on you? I am not saying what he is doing is right, but please try to get a job or start even a small business. Do something and bring some income home. If you want to do pastries as you said, go ahead. If he sees that you are bringing in some money and it is paying some bills in the house, and he does not have to be responsible for everything, he will let you do it. My dear ALWAYS HAVE AN EMERGENCY FUND.
    3) Protect your son if you do not, when he grows up all this toxic family environment will affect him. Do not let your husband insult him. Your son is not the cause of your husband's frustrations. All you care about is your husband; what about your innocent son.
    4) Money is power, and you have given all your power all to your husband. Stop begging him he does not need that what he needs is support.
    5) You need to change your mindset. You have too many self-limiting beliefs.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Stella pls when there is a chronicle update, could you pls ask the poster to find the link to their first chronicle so you can include it in the post for those who missed the first part? Seems her first poster was about DV? And then this?? E-hugs poster, whatever you decide. e-hugs

    ReplyDelete
  72. Dear poster,
    I went tru what you are currently going through..
    1,You must develop a thick skin to all the abuse and insult.understand that your husband will always say those things deliberately at any slight provocation to hurt you.dont go crying and begging all in the name of peace.you will always be used.
    2)Get a job,go out in the morning and return in the evening.look good,wear make up..loose weight if you are on the bigside..it will help build your self esteem.continue with your pastry business to bring in side money.
    Build a good network of support system..esp family.join a sister's fellowship and be praying.
    Finally develope a good relationship with the holyspirit.you will realise the giant inside of you.

    ReplyDelete
  73. This man has told you the bitter truth. He does not love you. He does not even respect you. He did no have the decency to log out while searching porn sites for prostitutes to sleep with because HE DOES NOT CARE if you see it. He will also not even care if you get infected or not I am sure. Why are you begging a man that has no value for you?? Who made nigerian women like this. I feel like crying. Naija women you are the prize. Please stop putting these men on pedestals especially broken and badly raised traumatised men.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Poster is a thief. She wants to eat her cake and have it.

    ReplyDelete

Disclaimer: Comments And Opinions On Any Part Of This Website Are Opinions Of The Blog Commenters Or Anonymous Persons And They Do Not Represent The Opinion Of StellaDimokoKorkus.com

Pictures and culled stories posted on this site are given credit and if a story is yours but credited to the wrong source,Please contact Stelladimokokorkus.com and corrections will be made..

If you have a complaint or a story,Please Contact StellaDimokoKorkus.com Via

Sdimokokorkus@gmail.com
Mobile Phone +4915210724141