On Saturday, she took to the U.K. parenting forum site to voice her woes about her new neighbors, in a post that has since sparked over 500 comments. Airing her grievances, the mother of three got candid and asked commenters if it’s irrational to fret about the future.
“When the house came up for sale next to us, my husband’s parents showed interest, it needed renovation so I never thought them buying the house would happen she said describing her MIL as “very fussy.”
“Anyway, they did buy it and have builders in there doing the renovations while they still live in their current house. Once or twice a week they drive down (over an hour’s drive) to have a look at what’s been done,” she explained, asking if it was irrational to feel frustrated with the situation at hand.
“It’s just it disrupts my day as they expect us to go and say hello/make them a cup of tea, want to use our toilet, etc. I know it’s not a massive deal but when I’m having a lazy day, no makeup, lounge wear on,I just don’t want to entertain unannounced people.”’
she said she’s truly “dreading” their eventual move next door and impending intrusion into her family’s daily life.
“I’m dreading being out in the garden and them wanting a chat over the fence every time I’m out there. I like my own space and feel they are going to invade it,It’s making me want to split with my husband who I have a great relationship with, it’s making me resent him.
“Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same?”
In the comments,she clarified that she wasn’t asked about how she felt about the real estate purchase before her in-laws bought it and didn’t think they would even go through with it, as the property itself is in “poor condition.”
As for her larger relationship with her spouse’s parents, LotsofLuv confessed that while she gets along with them, she’s never felt “completely comfortable” in their presence as they’re “quite judgmental” of others, from how clean people keep their houses to what clothes her children are wearing.
On the home front, she said her husband isn’t at all worried about his parent’s big move, arguing that they won’t be around much in the first place.
His wife, meanwhile, remains quite skeptical.
“Just for example, they don’t drink but I have a red wine most nights and if it’s nice weather I’ll sit in the garden,Now I’m going to be thinking they can see me out of their window drinking my wine in the garden, judging me and I’m not going to feel comfortable in my own garden.
from foxnews
😂😂 this just reminds me of the sitcom “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND”
ReplyDeleteThat series is funny and his mother and father truly drives his wife mad and angry, wow i miss that show😂😂
😂😂😂😂, esp Raymond's mother. And then she acts like she did nothing wrong. She wad my fav character, and then Raymonf's brother.
Deletewow candy so you also watched that show😂😂... it was so funny and hilarious, raymond’s mother is the worst and she always sees fault in anything debby does😂😂
DeleteFunny enough someone brought up this show on the thread
DeleteThe show is still airing on Fox
DeleteLeft the country when this happened. I don't think they mean any harm however, it's a very stressful situation to be in.
DeleteDivorcing her husband shouldn't be because of that,instead talk to him about how you feel and plan moving to another area if need be. Me I no like in-law wahala oh.
ReplyDeleteYou know!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteAnon 16:39 me and you both. I prefer loving them from afar biko.
DeleteBut it might not be easy moving for them, they have to start thinking of applying to school or nursery for their kids, childcare, when did they get their mortgage to start considering selling, looking for another property etc.
DeleteI sincerely understand how she feels but she should thank God she's not married to a Nigerian or Asian because na family go full her house.
As far as she get tall fence for garden then I wouldn't even bother myself.
She can even beg her inlaws to help drop and pick her kids from school on some days or drop the grandkids off for few hours with them.
One day the Almighty God will make you an inlawAmen. If I am your inlaw by the way, "I WILL CHOKE YOU WITH NO VISIT". I don't have "visiting leg" as yoruba people call. Now I am in my 70s I HAVE CANCELLED ALL LEG VISITING. If you come over I will welcome you, if not Thanks to mobile phone, zoom, face time, video call etc.
DeleteIf her in laws are like that, she won't be complaining.
DeleteAll these stems from what she thinks?Love would really heal the world if only we learn to take things easy and be gentle in spirit.
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂 So no be only Africans dey dread inlaws' wahala
ReplyDeleteMy exact thought 😀
DeleteYou see it now.
DeleteThe return of the monster-inlaw.
ReplyDeleteNa was for this Oyinbo people oh, making a mountain out of a molehill.
ReplyDeleteSomething that has not happened yet, and even if it does, just politely tell them to mind their own business.
Even Oyinbo knows she can't be HERSELF around the in-laws,see how she knows she can't drink her wine in the garden?
DeleteSo how do you want her to politely tell her in-laws please go about your business, I'm just taking wine in the garden?😁😁
In-law issues....She should be as nice as possible and mind her business when necessary. Leaving because they live next door doesn't make much sense especially since she and her husband have a great relationship.
ReplyDeleteShe should check her character.i just guess so
ReplyDeleteLet's be rational in our approach to this matter. This is what I know.
ReplyDeleteThere are good mother-laws who have bad daughter-inlaws vice versa.
There are daughter-inlaws who will be so glad to have their mother-inlaws close to them.
There are also mother-inlaws who don't know their boundaries and are closely attached to their sons. A natural phenomenon.
There are daughter-inlaws who don't like their private space to be invaded. Also a natural phenomenon.
There are very bad mother-inlaws who intentional throw spanners in marriages so as to cause misunderstanding and divorce.
The list goes on and on. Know what you want and apply it. The worse feeling or betrayal anyone can get is when your spouse take side with his or her family against you.
Peace and healing to the world. Stella, we need our feminist space on this blog.
Natural phenomenon or not
DeletePeople should know their boundaries
Inasmuch as what one calls problem or inconvenience might not be what another calls it but this oyibo people self.
ReplyDeleteShe should talk over it with her husband or relocate other than trying to divorce him.
She has cause to be worried. If my in laws bought a house next to mine I'll be worried too no matter how nice they are.
ReplyDeleteOf course your husband won't be worried his parent moved close to the house the same way you the wife would never have been bothered if it was your own parent who moved close to the house. You would happily check on their safety, check to see if they are taking their drugs, check their meals since they are getting old. You would even see it as a much better option after all they aren't living inside your matrimonial home so why should your husband complain? You would ask. Since its better than sending them to old people's home.
ReplyDeleteSabella I think I understand your point It's true that if only we view other parent like our own parent we won't see any problem where there is none.
DeleteI stay in the same house with my mother-in-law as we speak and I thank God always. My marriage is blessed because of her, she is the best in law in the world that when she is going back to her house I almost want to cry.
She stayed with us the from my pregnancy to when my first child was 6 and came back when I birthed the second one and third child. She is here due to pandemic palava I am more than happy. I take good care of her the same way I would for my own mother and I don't mind jare and she loves me wella in return I have seen her messages to her son about me.
I remember I lied to her vigin son I was a virgin because I did not want to lose him. He found out after everything when I confessed to him about my escapades of sleeping around in the past and he said he wasn't doing again. He told his family about me and how I slept around. He felt duped because I deceived him. I ran to her she carried me on her back and commanded him to forgive me. She said Even if I was once a prostitute that God has died for my sins and old things have passed away. She drew me closer to God. I didn't even know who God was before until I married into their family. She makes my hair, teach me Bible verses and chastise me when necessary. His dad sent me to fashion school after I couldn't secure a job after I graduated. My husband sent me to school btw .She encouraged my husband to support my family whenever they are in need.
People think I am her daughter and her son is her son-in-law. God bless you My Queen. Very virtous woman of God. Almost 10 years in marriage with the best mother-in-law in the world.
There are good ones and bad mother-in-law everywhere however if you treat the good mother with love you will get love back instead of going in with a bad mind without waiting to see if the mother in law is good or bad.
Wow! Is your mother in law a Nigerian? God bless her o!
DeleteYes ooo A typical Nigerian woman. She is yoruba and I am not even from their tribe.
DeleteAnd she got married a virgin a very godly Christian and that was how she brought all her children up so, it wasn't a case of her seeing her past similar to mine. She had no past her husband my father-in-law is her first and only man. Grandpa brags about it till date.
She tells me always life is vanity and I should always consider heaven in whatever I do. Very prayerful I love her.
You are lucky. I treated my mil like my mother but found out the hard way that she didn’t see me as her child. After that I treated her as what she was, which is my mother in law!!!
DeleteMay God bless your mother in love and may no one come in between you. You are blessed.
DeleteI am one unlucky person, got married as a Virgin but my MIL has been extremely wicked to me.
@ 20:10
DeleteThere are a lot of good women out there,
My mom is a wonderful mother-in-law to her sons and daughters inlaw she treats everyone equally if you come to my house you'd never know the difference if not that we've a very striking resemblance in our family ,
I'm going into marriage with the mindset that we are all one big family thankfully my soon to be inlaws are really awesome .
If you accept your husband's family regardless of their shortcomings it kinda makes it easier for you to live with them , i know people could be really difficult sometimes but we just have to find a balance.
@18:07 God bless your mother-in-law may she live long to enjoy the fruit of her labor .
00:19 keep praying for her do not relent in doing good and showing her kindness God would come through for you .🤗🤗🤗
I can totally relate to this, so I understand where she is coming from.
ReplyDeleteIn laws could drive you crazy especially telling u how to run your home.
I stay in the same area with my inlaws. I maintain my lane. I go visiting only when necessary, at first they labelled me arrogant. Truth is I like my space & hate unnecessary talk & drama in my life. They have left me to my thing. When we see we are cordial and I never interfere in my husband's relationship with his family so far it doesn't concern me directly.
ReplyDeleteThis is too funny. If I was in her shoes I wouldn’t even care self. I will still continue doing what I was doing before, the fact is that they must talk about her whether she lives near them or not.
ReplyDeleteDivorce is too extreme a move but I understand her consternation completely.
ReplyDeleteThese oyibo self, because NEPA no dey take una light naim make una dey do any how
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Deletekai 🤣 how did you even think of this 🤣😂😂
DeleteIf I were in her shoes, I'd feel the same way because my in-laws are also very nosy and judgmental. I on the other hand, like my peace and quiet, especially in my own home.
ReplyDeleteI'd rather move out with my husband the moment they move in. #cantdeal #letmedrinkmywineinpeace #nottodaynotever
I feel her pain but divorce is extreme. And if she tells her husband they shld move now,it will look too obvious they make her uncomfortable plus it may be their property.
ReplyDeleteI personally dont like it but oh well certain things u need to stomach in marriage. My brothers mother inlaw lives like 4 doors away from dem and dey never had a problem. Infact she was ALWAYS in their house helping with d kids,but then shes a nice inlaw and my bro takes care of dem well. It was similar situation,a house was up for sale near my bro and d inlaw was looking for property to buy dat period.
Your brother didn't have an issue with it because he is a man. If it was the other way around and your parent move closer to your brother your sIL would have been the one to write that up there. She would write about how your mother comes to their house everyday she won't say she was helping with her kids as you indicated. How can your brother wife's mother be in his house always? Don't you think She should give them space like the writer up there is clamouring for?🚶♂️
DeleteWhite people are different from us. They value their privacy a lot. My MIL was living with us. My husband decided to bring his Dad over. FIL now came. They lived with us for a year.
ReplyDeleteMy white neighbor, whose MIL, had been living with them before we moved here came over that he wanted to talk to me. I let him in and the first question he asked was, “how do you do it.” I asked what and he said, “living with two in-laws.” I told him l cook everything, clean the house, stock up and do laundry on my two days off, He was stunned. I work 16 hour shifts, five days a week. All that to stay away and avoid stories that touch. He had recently started working in my department and said, he couldn’t take it anymore. His family can never come visit nor stay over because Dawn’s mom is there. They can’t tell her nothing.
She decided what they eat, what picture can be on the wall, etc. l told him to let her know where he wants the pictures. He said he did but each time he moved it, she moved it back and her daughter can’t say nothing. He’s tired of the back and forth and was going to file for divorce. I thought he was kidding. It less than three weeks, he moved out and went to Arizona. They had two kids.
All this happened in 2005. He has remarried. My neighbor is still here with the mom. The mom has killed every relationship that she has tried to get into.
Her father divorced her mom in 1998. She said the mom is still bitter. Her dad is remarried. Has money but cannot come to visit her. She told me her mom leaves the house if he has to stop by. He had been here once. Some Oyibo are a handful. I guess her in-laws might be like the woman next door.
As for me, l had my own in-law drama but they are all gone now. I have my house to myself and kids. It is not good for in-laws to be neighbors but l would rather they have their own place.
Chaiii such a wicked woman. There are some mothers like that if their own marriage didnt work they will forever be bitter and wont rest till their daughters marriage breaks too,so both of them can be single mother together. They will be poisoning the daughter against her husband.
DeleteMy mother can never live in my house abeg,she has lived her life and enjoyed her own husband. Let no one come and stop my life.
My mother even so much loves her house. Can you believe when i newly married my mother doesnt even come to my house. If this woman maybe wants to drop shopping for me from market,she will call me to come take it from her car and wont even come in. Till i told her my husband is kind of getting offended dat she comes and refuses to enter.
Its till i had my son was the first time my mum stayed in my house. She stayed for 2 months and was so keen to go back to her house. As soon as she got me a competent nanny,dis woman instead drives to my house daily to takecare of the baby and back to her house at night. We live close anyway.
If it's my parents inlaw, I won't move, in fact, I will love it. But if it's my husband's eldest sister, I will run 440 before she even pay for the house. Very toxic!. My advice to her is to wait, watch and see. They may even like their privacy more than her. Tho I also feel they bought the house so they can be close to their son and his family.
ReplyDeleteWhat did your husband eldest sis do you? Please talk o
DeleteNa so divorce easy,abeg take it easy
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, inlaws wahala
ReplyDeleteoyibo and divorce are like 5&6
ReplyDeleteJudgmental ppl only stop when karma reaches them. No point worrying about them. They will judge you if you do well and they will judge you if you do not. Best to just drink your wine and be at peace with your life.
ReplyDeleteMost BVs can't relate to this because the average Nigerian woman is taught to bear all things including cheating and domestic violence.
ReplyDeleteOyibo HATE inconvenience. People that can sue you for stepping on their shoe?
As she's already contemplating divorce, there's a 60% chance she'll do it.
Of course she will do it. Nigeian men really don't know what they have in their women and don't appreciate them
DeleteOyibo people who dey carry their mama and papa go court on top nothing,
Deleteoyinbo wey don leave house age 18 years dey feed demself when average naija pikin never enter school for 24 years and some still dey depend on parent after school since dem never get job but na the same parent wey dem believe dey make dem uncomfortable now they support to feed them then till they get the job.
Most divorce for stupid reasons anyway so I am not surprised.
The inlaws coming over to the house closer to her are they not white people like her? So judging from how you perceive the whites, you should also believe they won't disturb her peace or interfere with her live like she is exaggerating they would since whites don't like inconvenience. Cheers to her.
Its a tough situation, i hate having people in my ouse for more than 4 days and i ensure not to stay with people because i love my space so much. i wouldnt like my own mum to live next to me because she will end up scattering my marriage. shes the type that will draw your attention to somebody's fault that you never even knew existed. when she came to stay with me when i has a baby, she started complainin that my husband was eating too much, never gave us space to even talk in the sittin room, though my husband never complained but im sure i wouldnt do the same if it was my mother in law. its good that every ne stays in their space for peace sake.
ReplyDeleteParanoia, she's taking it to the extreme
ReplyDelete