Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative UPDATE...

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Monday, July 27, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative UPDATE...

Na wah!!!!







Dear Stella.


It's me again. I wrote to you some times back in respect of a horrible specie of a man I married as a husband. Recall he has a horrible drinking problem which makes him to sometimes act irrationally.


Another incident occurred after the on I send in in which he came back as usual drunk. Removed my son's phone from the charger n fixed his.


He then went to lie down and put the phone underneath his body and slept off. When I woke him up to asked where he kept the phone, he denied knowing where it was.


But when he sat up to shout. Lo and behold the phone was under him
I told him "u're drunk" and went to my children's room(that is where I sleep now, Alcohol and cigarette smell wld suffocate me if I sleep in our so-called room).


He displayed as usual and even the next door neighbors heard. Cos one asked me if everything was okay.
U punched the door and flinged my phone against the wall.
Now the screen is misbehaving.
Our kids were there and they were crying and he told them I made him do it.


But later on,I told the kids it's not so. I told them I'd explain to them one day.


Heard my son saying he was going to call his grandma and tell his dad threw my phone against the window and broke it and he told him not to.


I asked him why? Isn't he proud of what he did? I'm sure they would be mighty proud of his"manliness" since they believe he can do no wrong
For now.all they know is that hes older than me and can beat me.that's why they want to call his mum cos they said she's older than him an can beat him.


So recently, my sister came visiting and we were at home when my husband came home and sar in the dining section(he used the back door to enter).


She got up to get something to drink in the kitchen when she perceived a strong alcohol emanating from him while his head droops to his chest.


She had heard of our issue so decided to sit and tried to talk to him.


He told her his usual narration about how things are not working for him hence the drinking blah blah blah.he even cried in her presence while narrating it all.this man actually told her I'm single handedly responsible for the upkeep of the house


At the end he made the following allegations about me.


1. I do not respect him.


2. I have been insulting this family members.


3. I don't relate to my mum and that may be a reason his biz is not going well.


4. He helps in the house but I don't appreciate.


An in and on and on.


She tried to let him feel better by advising him to get a job to keep his sanity etc.


The next morning she tried to chide me on the issue of me insulting his family, she called my dad(he's not spoken to him over 5 years when we had an issue which was so bad my dad personally car to carry me).


So when she left.i asked him to pls tell me how I'm insulting his family?


His response that he doesn't mean insulting them per say.but that i say stuffs I dont like about them.


Example is that his sister who has never called me in A9bit 5 years suddenly called out of the blue to help her organise a birthday surprise for him.i felt bad in that that's the only thing that made he r call me.i still helped do it but didn't attend.


The second incidence is that I told him that I'm not happy with his bro.(Recall he has a way of crying when drunk) he once came back home and sat crying lamenting how things are not going well. So I tried to reach out to the bro to talk on how how they can help him out) so the brother ignored me and never responded.


So I replied that but that's not what wld make him rebrand these as "insulting his family" I also asked him how I felt when his dad told me to my face that my dad is a shameless old man who came to pick me from my matrimonial home when we had issues way back.


He replied that "of course now, he is a shameless old man. Who else comes to pick their daughters out if their matrimonial home".


Recall he told my sister that I'm the one doing 90% of the catering of the home.he just supports due to his financial issues. So I told him the joke is in him sha.cos he is the shameless old man too cos he knows his daughter in law is catering for his son and grandson.


He has gone out Sha. So I will find out more when he gets back from yet another drinking spree.
Stella im simply tired if this bull shit.i think I'd relocate to another part of town once this rent expires.(let him go back to his father's house and live there since he won't get a job and wants to drink 5 bottles of beer daily.
This is certainly not the best of times for me.i'm so disillusioned




*Madam this your story has gotten even more complicated.....If a marriage is not working out,take a walk and save yourself all these unhealthy toxic stuff......Its the same thing i would tell myself that i tell someone else so please pardon my advice if it does not go down well with you (or anyone else)
Marriage is not by force!!!

59 comments:

  1. Madam have pity on your kids. Move them out of this toxic environment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. madam it's not by force to bear Mrs please. For your sanity and that of your children, kindly leave your situationship that's not a marriage but a bandage.

      Delete
    2. There is something most men don't know. When a woman is doing the man's work, the man should treat her like an egg if you really wants respect.

      Madam you are there to complement, support and pray for him, not easy on that alcohol and cigarette. If there's anyone that he listens to, get him involve. Pls.

      Delete
    3. Leave the sham of a marriage and maintain ur sanity mbok

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    4. Ndi MRS. Na wa o.

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    5. That so-called husband is simply a sperm donor in the marriage. Who gives him money to drink 5 bottles of beer per day? There may not be a solution soon. Simple move out and avoid the in-laws. They cant help you.

      Delete
    6. @Mao Akuh, exactly what Fr. Oluoma preached about men who sit at home while their wives go out to look for food for the house; he said such men shouldn't sit watching tv but make sure the whole house is organized and make food for the woman before she gets back home since she's the one taking the role of food provider, therefore, must not come back home to continue house chores again.

      Madam, he will soon graduate to hitting you and hitting the kids without knowing. Do what is good for you but it's better you raise your children in a safe environment while alive o.

      Delete
    7. Your husband has alcohol addiction problems and needs to get professional help. These alcoholics will continue to cry and blame their addiction on something cos they are usually not proud of their addiction. Addiction can be hereditary(there is actually a gene for that) so if you love him then get him to a psychiatrist. If he refuses to see one then get the fuck out of the marriage

      Delete
  2. A depressed and fault funding man. Hmmmm. You can't help him. Cos he will always find fault in anything you do.

    Maybe this your decision will change him.

    The children need to be shielded from this too

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    Replies
    1. Poster your father is the real MVP. So he should not pick you?

      Delete
  3. Please consider your kids' mental state. This kind of environment is not good for them, please. If a temporary separation will help, please consider it. This is not how marriage should be. God help you.

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    Replies
    1. Dear Poster, you speak ill of your husband and you even sound rude from the way you write. Imagine calling the man you are still married to a horrible specie of a man. Look at the comment section, see how everyone talks down at your husband because of how you have portrayed him. Your narration does not show you are seeking a solution but is full of petty complaints.

      This economy is working against so many people. Many men use alcohol as a way of escape from reality. You are the one who can help him cut it down considerably but if you are among the battles he has to escape from, this marriage is headed no where.

      Igba o lo bi orere...times change. The jobless man today can have a good job tomorrow, unless you are married to a never-do-good human being.

      Again, What concerns your sister in your marital affairs that she is sitting your husband down to talk to him? What concerns his brother in your marital affairs that you are reaching out to him to talk to your husband? Why do you pay attention to your husband's sister who called you out of the blues in 5 years? You can either oblige her and move on or you decline and face front. many of your complaints are PETTY. There are many women today who are married to hardworking professionals yet supporting their homes financially for the time being due to several reasons.

      Marriage is not by force truly. If you see no future in your husband, please walk away. If you think your home is redeemable, you need to change your attitude and strategy. completely renew your mind and choose to be patient and see the good. It is definitely not easy especially with the financial strains but if it is worth trying to save, please try.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous God bless you, cos you spoke my mind. This poster not is not blameless. She sounds rude and condescending. While I think your husband has issues. Madam, I don't think you are a good wife. Please leave then all this lamentations.

      Delete
    3. So she should contain all of these without reaching out to his family? Really? She is the one that will help him? Do, who is going to help her? A woman who took up the responsibility of her household when her husband is not capable is whom you judged this way? Really? Until you are in her shoes please concentrate on praying for Nigeria in distress. Bye

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    4. 17:07 you have said it all. Poster make up your mind and do whats right by you

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    5. Madam poster, seems your husband has an addiction to alcohol, he needs help, so sit with him and ask him what making him drink, I'm sure he wasn't this way when you guys got married, there is a trigger somewhere, tell him you want to help and let him confide in you. He seems a very unhappy man. Try to take things easy and stop involving people. You can talk to your pastor or a counsellor if you can afford it. I think u are a bit pushy and rude. see how you reacted to the phone issue, also bringing your sister in law matter in, if she don't reach out you can do do. She did something good for your husband you should have been happy. When women bring in money to a home there is a kind of spirit that follows them. Few remain submissive. It's not all about divorce all the time, rain falls everywhere. Work on your self and your marriage. Wishing you love and light πŸ¦‹

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    6. Anon 17 :07. U saved me d stress of writing to this poster. Poster take everything this anon wrote without leaving out any. Dont mind all these feminists supporters club members who dont reason with their brain again because they sense oppression everywhere even where there is non. Lastly, let me loud it that u are part of the problem and need to change ur attitude. Note that; U are also included in d family u care for.

      Delete
    7. Poster, read this 17.07 comment and bank with it.

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    8. Ahhh my dear poster @17.07 God bless you, you have said it all. Life is all about ups and downs, no man will be happy just being a sit at home husband.
      God can still make a way for him, nothing is impossible. Besides your wedding vows said "for better for worse" abi you no hear am🀷

      Delete
    9. You sound just like her husband! How else can you find a way to critisize her and find her husband blameless? Fancy asking why she is involving her sister? You want her to keep quiet until the day she kills herself out of frustration abi? I don’t blame you, it is this our useless country and stupid traditions that expect a woman to remain married to an earthworm just because it is labled a man!!!

      Delete
    10. Help him ke, na she born an ni? Na who go help her with the children? Since the man has decided to take solace inside alcohol.
      Abegi! Poster find your square root and give yourself brain, before you spoil your kids .

      Delete
  4. All this narration over a hopeless marriage. What nonsense madam, which kind marriage be this? Is it by force? Abeg waka if e no let you do or stay and manage the situation and turn your sons into future wife beater. Why would you destroy the lives of your children over a useless pens cos I think that's all he has to offer at this point.

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  5. Madam, you are trying sha. But some women can drive der husbands nuts to loosen, either tru nagging or debasing dem.

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  6. May we have peace in our home πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™

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  7. Poster marriage no be by force biko walk away than writing long episode everyday.

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  8. Move out! Move out! Move Out! Don't raise those kids in such environment..How can a full grown man not own up to his mistakes and responsibilities? Madam it is enough..I am getting so upset. Take a walk like Johnny Walker abeg..

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  9. Please leave that marriage..kids are involved o. I don't get why you're still there. Don't wait for him to start beating you in front of your kids, before you take off.

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  10. Hmm.. men who drink alcohol & smoke excessively are ticking time bomb & that is one of the things a lady shouldn't condone. Madam, you sound frustrated at everything.. he even reiterated his disdain for your dad by calling him names simply because the old man came to rescue his daughter from death. If you're going to be true to yourself, that incident is most likely a DV something but no, you went back.

    I'm not judging you but you really need to reevaluate your life. Whatever decision you take, affects your children in the long run.

    Jesus fix it for you, ma'am.

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  11. I am not married but i still advise u to take it to God in prayers. When a man does not have a job or means of livelihood, its frustrating and tiring. Dt is why he sort solace in alcohol wich is wrong. A woman dt is taking care of d home is draining and can make her lash out thereby saying tins she does not mean. Madam pls pray for your family. Be ur husband's peace, be patient, its not easy but pls try. Its a phase, it wud pass. May God give him a job and restore peace to ur home in Jesus' name.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice advise here, madam stop being petty and be patient and prayerful as cup cake. Your attitude is not helping matters at all.

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    2. Tiana again you are stupid...do you know how long she has endured? Saying she is petty. Na your type Dey blame rape victims.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous you are very stupid and you sound like the poster. I repeat the poster is not handling her situation well. You both sound alike bunch of abusers. I stand unapologetic about on my view.

      Delete
  12. Marriage one overrated shii

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  13. Na real complicated. Hope you are not giving him money to go out to drink Biko?

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  14. This is sadly what goes on in most marriages nowadays.
    Madam, just separate from him for a while maybe that will reset his brain. Don't renew the rent, use the money to rent another apartment far from him and his people even if it is one room.This is sadly what goes on in most marriages nowadays.
    Madam, just separate from him for a while maybe that will reset his brain. Don't renew the rent, use the money to rent another apartment far from him and his people even if it is one room.

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  15. If you Christian, go into fervent midnight prayers and fasting. There's a serious force against your marriage.

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  16. If it's not working, it's not working, marriage is not a do or die affair.

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  17. I thought you sent a feedback to tell us the decision you took after bvs advice. The situation is still same abi worse self

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  18. A Nigerian woman in her state that didn't leave when her dad came to pick her will leave now?

    Odiro possible, I wish you made your papa very proud by not returning to that house, now see the insults he receives because fought for a daughter that would rather die in a loveless marriage than leave and find happiness again.

    I know you won't leave, so no need of telling you to, have fun in your fun filled marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you Olive K, just see insults on her father whose only crime was to save her from destruction. It's a shame.

      I rarely advice a married person to separate from their spouses BECAUSE, you alone is wearing the shoe and you know WHAT is BEST for you.

      Please make up your mind real quick.
      Make it work or you walk.

      Delete
    2. Imagine the FIL calling her Papa a shameless old man for coming to rescue her from neglect and abuse!!! The foolishness runs in the family. Like father like son. Both irresponsible.

      Delete
  19. Madam at this point you seriously need to take a break from the marriage for the sake of you and your kids.
    For a man to be out of job and still don't appreciate what his wife is doing to hold the family together is a big turn down for me. Instead he chooses to smoke and drink with the small money he has.please get your self a place with the kids and let him learn the hard way,if he truly wants the marriage,he will manup to change his ways and get a job.

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  20. Look at you madam. Just look at how you and that useless man are damaging those kids. You need to reread your post again. Can you imagine that your own children already know that “daddy beats mummy because daddy is older than mummy”. They want to call grandma to beat daddy...to help you. Big shame leave me catch you. Look at you going back and forth dragging the kids in your shameless mess and explaining your side of the story to them.

    For the fact that you are still writing in here shows that you won’t be going no where. Nigerian women and answering Mrs. You are looking for people to encourage you to continue to stay and pray. Nne continue to stay and pray until you raise damaged kids that will go on to damage other people.

    Let no one come here to tell me that I am victim shaming OP. It is one thing to be financially dependent on a man and be suffering abuse. It is a different kind of stupid to hold “the yam and knife” and still be chopping slap.

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  21. Madam you need to flee from that marriage, it's in shambles, you need a break from the toxicity, your kids need to experience joys of childhood not this bantering. Please move out if u have the means, not just for your kids, but for you also. Until dude puts his shit together, you are in a situationship not marriage. Wish you the best

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  22. Poster I am sorry to say but your confuse its like u don't even know wat u want,and ur just denying d fact that u love ur husband despite his drinking spree so pls if u make up ur mind to relocate to another part of the town,why are u still telling Stella? Pls just make up ur mind on wat u want if u like ur husband like DAT continue stay I g with him we won't judge u okay?

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  23. As he come to terms with fact that he's an alcoholic and has smoking problems? Can he get help from something similar to Alcoholic Anonymous in your area? is there a rehabilitation centre where he can go to? Try as much as you can help. This added to prayers can be the 1st stage for someone that wants to be helped. Finding something to do can be the next stage for him. If he's not seeking for help, you then need to take a break from him when the rent expires. This may likely reset his brain

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  24. Heavily drinks, heavily smokes is such a big turn off..
    What kind of example is he trying to set for his kids?
    That was how my secondary school class mate started smoking from secondary school.. Her dad will always send her to buy Indian hemp/ cigarettes for him & his friends..
    When we got to Ss1, she started experimenting on different joints without her parents knowing..
    She became a drug addict when we entered University (sk, codeine,, etc).
    Now, she is working in a big company & she is still an addict..
    She keeps telling me to put her in prayers, that she finds it hard to have savings because of her drugs lifestyle..
    She is very intelligent , book smart & keeps bagging more degrees for herself..
    I pray that she doesn't overdose one of these days..
    Dear parents, endeavour to hide your negative habits/ lifestyles from your kids because kids are very inquisitive, .. Trust me, they are watching & learning..
    Chizzy j

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  25. Kindly read Exodus 1:15-21
    Pay great attention to verse 21.

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  26. Separate from your husband for the main time may that will reset his brain. He is jobless but still have money to get drunk daily... Mtchew no pity.

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  27. Stella you said it. Couldn't finish reading the story as it was giving me headache.

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  28. Dear Poster,

    My dad used to be a drunk. My childhood was bad. He would drink and sleep on the road. Yes, it was that bad. But he never lifted his hands in us or my mom. They had fights tho exchanging words and all. And like you, mum catered for us 80% and he never took it for granted. Told us till old age how mom supported him all through. Along the line my sister (our family spirikoko) got led and prayed and fasted. And he stopped! Apparently it was a generational thing (his siblings did same too). Long story short, you don't want your kids have this as their memory. Remembering those days still hurts. He is the beat dad I most add. Gave us the little he had, loved us unconditionally till death. His was a testimony but I remember those days vividly. If he does not want help for himself, for the sake of your kids ad your sanity......leave!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dear Poster,

    My dad used to be a drunk. My childhood was bad. He would drink and sleep on the road. Yes, it was that bad. But he never lifted his hands on us or my mom. They had fights tho exchanging words and all. And like you, mum catered for us 80% and he never took it for granted. Told us till old age how mom supported him all through. Along the line my sister (our family spirikoko) got led and prayed and fasted. And he stopped! Apparently it was a generational thing (his siblings did same too). Long story short, you don't want your kids have this as their memory. Remembering those days still hurts. He is the best dad I most add. Gave us the little he had, and loved us unconditionally till death. His was a testimony but I remember those days vividly. If he does not want help for himself, for the sake of your kids ad your sanity......leave!

    ReplyDelete
  30. You people saying she’s rude and condescending, pray not to ever cater for your family 80%. You think it’s easy abi? Is she supposed to say sweet nothings about him when she is providing money for rent, school fees & feeding.

    You people on this blog sef...mscheeew

    ReplyDelete
  31. Poster your sanity is paramount, so please leave now that you can and give tour children a well deserved environment to grow and flourish.

    ReplyDelete

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