Stella Dimoko Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....


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Friday, August 14, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....




Good afternoon Stella and BVs.

 I want to share my story and I need your red pen and that of the beevees. I am in my late 20s and as we speak, I have no single achievement; no job, I have a business (but its not doing well as expected), red bank account, no relationship. I was born into a religious home and this made growing up so terrible for me. No fun, no going out, no interaction with other children. 

This made all we children introverts and we don't have friends like that. But out of all my siblings, I am the coolest or maybe worst when it comes to interaction. I got admission to the university at a reasonable age but I missed all the fun attached to school life. From class to church and to my hostel. That was how I lived my life for four years. 

All the social days in SCH, I didn't participate (only trying to explain how terrible I was and still am when it comes to social interaction). Stella, I am almost 30, still with my parents and they don't allow me wear trousers!! 

I feel not wearing trousers added to the fact that I don't have a boyfriend cos apart from not really going out, I just wear my skirts or gown whenever I wanna go out. I went for my masters program and I was always going from home. The kind of people that ask me out are not those that are not good for me, I know. Religious people, people of my type with no job, people who dress shabbily (and I feel with my situation, I don't need such people).

 I know i attract my type but truly speaking, I know I am good looking but I don't dress well cos I don't have much clothes to package well. I have only attracted a good guy and that was during my NYSC days. I have never gone out on a date, i have never received help from people (I don't feel entitled though). When one or two good guys ask me out and I say I don't have a job, they cut me off immediately, this has happened three times. 

Business speaking, I learnt a vocation even though I am not good with talking to people or advertising myself and its been affecting me. I don't know how to talk to people about what is bothering me. I have only had one bf and the relationship didn't last for more than 3 months. Till now, going out to have fun is a difficult thing for me. Anytime I summon courage to at least go out to have fun with friends, I end up changing my mind probably due to self esteem.

 I left a bigger church to start attending a small one cos the crowd was too large and I was always uncomfortable, now I am in a church of about 30 people or less and this isn't even helping at all. I am scared, lonely and tired. Its killing me. Most times, I wish I can be outspoken and brave. When someone hurts me, or insult me, I cry rather than speak for myself. Please help me guys!!

 I'm tired of this nature. What can I do to change it? What can I do to help my business? What can I do to be financially stable at least to leave my parent's house? I have been applying and still recently applied for jobs and I am hopeful it turns out to be positive. How can I sell and promote my business without fear? (My business page on SM is boring too as I don't have too many works to post). This is killing me, affecting me and I don't even know if anyone will understand what I am going through. How do I overcome this introverted life????

OH DEAR!!!!!!

I don't know what to say to make you feel better.....
The way some parents have damaged their kids eh.......I dunno how you can start but you gotta start from somewhere...
first step_start socialising,its a long journey though....

who are those saved as your friends on your phone?what state do you live in?


  1. Poster you need a change of mindset ASAP.

    I don't wear trousers, in fact, all my roommates were members of DLCF in school and we they are married and doing fine.

    Your mindset reeks of 'I haven't achhieved anything yet , so I am not worth loving and being in a relationship'
    If it were by your idealogy, then no Deeperlife and Redeemed lady should be married.

    Please let go of your mentality, even if you start wearing trousers today and do all sorts, you may still not catch a man.

    It is not only in the outward appearance, it's in the character, charisma and confidence you exude.

    1. Poster, go to YouTube and listen to Terri savelle foy and others as they teach on self love and confidence. Also practice positive affirmations. Be friendly and try to network as much as you can.cheers.

    2. You said it all. No mincing words.

    3. Similar to my life story. But mine is worse. Almost 10years older and never had a val๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

    4. Your problem is in your hand not your parents. The best thing every parent/s should give their kids is education.

      Redefine yourself and mindset. Don't use trouser as an excuse even in your skirts and gowns, my dear look good abi na Deeper life you be? You just crucified yourself.

    5. You just wowed me with this comment @ Twins Squared. Thank you!

      Poster, as a man thinks, so he is. If you will change your attitude, you have to start by changing your mindset about yourself. People have no idea how powerful our thoughts and our words are. Our thoughts influence how we act and our words influence our life itself!

      I understand that the way your parents raised you played a huge role in what you have become, and it's sad. Unfortunately you can't do anything about then but you can do something about now. It's totally in your hands. It's not easy, I know.

      To an extent, I have been where you are and I am still getting better every day. So somehow I kinda understand what you are going through๐Ÿ™‚. My transformation began when I made the decision to change and I had to be intentional about changing.

      So be intentional when it comes to breaking out of this.

      By being intentional I mean being determined and taking drastic steps towards it. You don't need to 'feel' like doing it to do it. JUST DO IT.

      ๐Ÿ‘‰Be intentional about working on your mindset.
      ๐Ÿ‘‰Be intentional about making friends. Pick up your phone a make those calls. Being snobbish is a turn off. Try to wear a smile and engage people in a conversation.
      ๐Ÿ‘‰Be intentional about reading books that address your situation. The Bible is also an amazing Book that will help you. Meditate on it.
      ๐Ÿ‘‰Be intentional about visiting with people.
      ๐Ÿ‘‰Be intentional about hanging out.
      ๐Ÿ‘‰Be intentional about doing that thing that you are afraid of doing. The way you conquer your fear is to do that thing you are afraid to do.
      ๐Ÿ‘‰Be intentional about appreciating yourself and loving yourself. Speak positively about yourself.
      ๐Ÿ‘‰Be intentional about dressing smart. Have a makeover! You mustn't dress in trousers to dress smart.
      ๐Ÿ‘‰ Be intentional about attending a bigger church and joining a ministry there - choir, ushering etc.
      ๐Ÿ‘‰ Be intentional about socializing.
      ๐Ÿ‘‰Be intentional about changing you from here on.

      It won't be easy at first. As a matter of fact you will feel awkward but as you keep doing it, it gets easier and better. And you will be glad you went on this life-changing journey. And it's start with a step. Take it a step at a time. You will be fine.

      All the best.

    6. Dearest poster, it all boils down to one thing, you're an introvert. Here's something that can help; Join a dance class. Yes I said it, it'll open you up to all sorts of people and you can be yourself! Plus everyone there too are just like you; they can't dance and they are eager to learn. You may also consider taking up acting classes. You'll be okay. HUGS

    7. Moreover, you needn't wear trousers to feel alive and wanted! You can still get the BEST job and man of your desire , even in your MARY MAGDALENE dresses or skirts! FACT!!! Confidence is what you are lacking

    8. You can get nice skirts and trousers

      You can do wood hair that looks like attachment better still carry your natural hair in style, a lot of babe have natural hair now that u can admire, wear fitting clothes, try smell nice and loosen up

    9. Guten abend
      Poster,as long as you're still in that your house ,you can't make a headway out .There's something about that your environment that will always try to stop you from coming out of your shell.I was like you .Leave that house.Be applying for jobs outside your present location.I knew who I was for the first time during my service cos I was far away from home.I discovered my true self.I realized that I have a good heart ,I started looking beautiful but when returned home after service ,I became my old self again.depression and frustration came.Thank God I'm no longer at home.I'm 10hours away.So my dear When you change your location,it will be easier for you to start a new life.

    10. I just knew they were going to blame you, I understand you but the fact that you don't have a job or source of income makes it hard to advice you don't you have a sibling or aunty, uncle in another town probably try changing your environment. As for the dressing you don't have to wear trousers there are lot of fine smart gowns, beautiful skirts browse online and see how people combine clothes (I understand you are not working yet getting funds to buy clothes will be a problem, chai). You didn't name the type of business you are doing we could have given ideas on how to promote the business on social media. By the way stop talking down on your self and work on changing your environment.

    11. Dear poster send me a message on ig @personalshopperbae. I’m a female baSed in Lagos. I’m almost 30 too. I can help in my own little way to boost your confidence.

  2. Your folks are religious like you stated, not spiritual. There is a difference. You have got to start from somewhere, dearie. Try hang out with your friends, do NOT change your mind. Are you active here, like do you have a blog name? It might sound silly, but try mingle with people here, it can also help (my opinion ooo). You don't need to have a lot of clothes to look smart, just know how to combine. Not long skirt and shirt o, that's a turn off on its own. Practice socialising in front of a mirror. Also take yourself out. Wish you all the best๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—

    1. Nice one! Poster follow this..You can break away from web or circle..If you keep allowing your parents control you, you will not grow..Babe you can still dress well without wearing trousers and look attractive without exposing your body..Eye dey chop before mouth, if you dress shabbishly you won't get the right attention..Change your mindset, renewal of the mind..Take yourself out!!

  3. You need someone like me so you can point your fingers n say "that's d bad guy" ..๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ seriously...u dont really need trousers sef to be attractive, you are more hot in skirts, hot skirts...not Mary Amaka type.

    1. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

      Bad guy!

    2. I'm telling you .cu has taught me that skirt is the sexiest outfit in need to see us wearing very long beautiful skirts you will better go to yaba and find correct bend down select skirt and get you life together

  4. Dear poster, if you have an aunty or uncle who's cool you can ask to spend at least 2wks with them. You need the change of environment. It is very important. It is good you have realized your problem but it is also important to have a change of environment. Force yourself into uncomfortable situation where you have to meet people. I believe your church has a youth forum, you can join them. Get involved in church activities where you'd be forced to expose yourself.

    1. Her parent ain't her problem, her mind is!!

      She needs to renew her mind

    2. @cookie, yea but the parents Fu*ked up her mind! Poster needs to move out as soon as she gets the chance!

  5. I felt really sad reading this. ๐Ÿ˜”

  6. This is seriously serious .It is well. Start making conscious effort to hang around extroverts.

  7. Wow!
    So wearing trouser is now what attracts boyfriends?
    Wow! Nice to read you wrote "attract boyfriends" not husband.
    I do not wear trouser (because of what
    happens behind), I wore skirt, blouse, gowns, even maxi
    and by God's grace my husband was "attracted" to me. I wasn't even going to
    a church but, a house fellowship
    of just two families.
    You know the main thing?
    Jesus Christ. When you make him your Lord, you will know what love is.
    You will relinquish all those worries about this life. You won't attract "boyfriends,". He will give you a husband, a good and perfect gift.
    Discard "religion" and make Jesus your Lord and
    personal Savior. Not attending a church because your parents made you
    attend one but being in Christ out of a personal conviction.
    Ask Jesus to reveal himself to you dear and you will have peace in your life; liberating peace.

    1. Please follow this.. let Christ be your advantage.

      Take a pen, make a list of the blessings in your life, not your regrets.

      Write a list of your dreams, spend a little daily, think on them, day dream, let the hope flood your heart. Take your mind there and your body and life will follow suit.

      Wake up each day, Read the Bible, get on a bible plan on the Youversion Bible app. Meditate and speak God's word. Reaffirm your faith in Jesus..
      Let his glow flood your spirit and your life will follow suit..

      It's is well..Arise and shine your light has come..

      Fight for you life..don't be a victim..allow God use you to change the circumstance of your family..
      Love you ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿค—

    2. I love this! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘Œ

    3. This is great!!!

      YouVersion Bible app is just the best!!! No excuse not to read God's word in a day..... Esp the 'stories'๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

  8. Nawa o! I pray that God be kind to you IJN

  9. I know a lady like you. She had written herself off. Nobody in the area asked her out. Her dressing, the way she carried herself wasn't inviting at all.

    Till a young man who doesn't talk to any lady in the area asked her out. It was like a joke. He had a good job, his own house and his own cars. All the package ladies were embarrassed. Fine tall hefty guy with full pocket oo
    Very educated. The guy was obviously looking for a wife material who eyes never tear reach back and most especially, someone that will give him peace of mind. He went for her within a year they married. This was a lady that didn't have a job. She was squatting with her father's relative. This guy saw the relative female children but he said the lady was the one he wanted. She married and turned to Cinderella overnight. Even my mother was thanking God for this lady because for many years no man acknowledged her. They were going after correct chicks with class. After she married was when we all realsied she was extremely beautiful. The lady in question was my friend. They have been married for 10 years and you won't recognize her again. Money speaking.

    There are sometimes in life everything will seem against you not from any fault of yours. But situation beyond your control will create circumstance you can't run from. Continue to live, try the best you can and leave every other thing to God.

    Those guys you met that left. Because you didn't have a job are not your men. The one for you wouldn't care.

    Wearing Skirt doesn't mean you shouldn't be smart looking. Make your hair( the lady in my story does not even use to make her hair back then) in all na God, dey give correct husband jare

    1. Very nice write up..✌✌✌✌๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™

    2. 15:18 Your last paragraph is so true. If the poster has sent this in around last year I would have thought I was the one that wrote what this poster wrote to stella.

      At least she has a business me ordinary business I did not have. I could stay indoors for months. I had no place to go. No friends, no enemy. Nobody to talk or fight with. Even Church I could not go due to money matter and you know most churches have one program or the other that needs money so I just stayed indoors. Parents were the ones feeding me. Looked for sales girl job but they said they no vacancy. Not office job but sales girl.

      My correct husband entered inside the house to find me. It's called grace.

    3. So a guy took you out of your self pity. You didn’t even work on yourself. And how did he enter your house? As in he literally knocked on a stranger’s door??? You’re not saying the truth abeg

  10. I think a lot of ladies make their lives complex by their mindset.
    You have already concluded that wearing
    trousers is what will attract boyfriends to you? And you do not at all consider that boyfriends will have to translate to fiance and then to husband
    and only God can give you a loving husband. You are worried about the
    church you attend, how large or how small
    but not at all concerned about your
    relationship with Jesus, how close or how far?
    Lady, your are carrying a heavy load
    and you know what Jesus said in Matthew 11:28?
    Come to me all you that labor and are
    with heavy loads and I will give you rest...You need rest girl.

  11. NNE you still a virgin at this age? ๐Ÿ‘Œ. My dear, dust yourself and go to bend down select and select first grade OK. Jeans, leggings, polo and etc. Wash them and iron them. Buy deodorant and perfume. Dress well and go out and socialize and try to get laid so to open yourself esteem. If my advise no balm, NNE kachi fo.

    1. Laid ke? She shd nt fornicate o, it does nt end well

    2. @Jerusalem
      Ironed and perfumed jean, "polo," leggings etc. aren't going to attract a husband.
      You know what they will attract?
      f8kboys, yes, just cookie eaters, who will eat and wipe their mouths.
      What will attract her husband to her is her good character.

    3. What an advise.๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝ‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝ‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝ‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝ‍♀️ May God help us all.

    4. @Jerusalem
      YOu forgot to add;
      "but dead human hair and gum it to your scalp"

    5. 15:31.did you read where she said her business is not doing well and she doesn't have good clothes? At least OK can solve clothes issue na. Neatness first before character.@anon 15:42.yea I forgot to add that one too even though it's not that important.

    6. @Jerusalem
      Neatness is part of character.

    7. Too blessed to be cursed14 August 2020 at 19:27

      @jerusalem, are you sure you dont want to change your name to sordom or gomorrah cause this your advice eeehhh๐Ÿšถ‍♂️๐Ÿšถ‍♂️๐Ÿšถ‍♂️

    8. Jerusalem how does getting laid open up her self esteem? If she is truly a Christian it would make her feel worse because she would feel guilty and unworthy, as sin can make one feel. This your advice no follow. However she can go for good second hand clothes, be clean and neat. Nothing wrong with that.

  12. Decided what you want your life to be, be bold (Confident) about it, and go for it.

  13. Poster the good thing is that you are able to acknowledge what the problem is. Now, the ball is in your court to take BOLD steps to fix it. Nothing will change particularly in terms of social interaction if you don't make that BOLD step to leave your comfortable and usual zone and explore new things. Go to places you are invited to ALWAYS. Reach out to past and current friends through phone or social media. You can be an introvert and still be happy. I am an introvert but still choose how to socially interact minimally. I have come to terms with who I am and I really enjoy my own company.
    As for the business side and financial independence....keep praying and waiting on the Lord. Pray the right prayer that your destiny will be fulfilled and watch and see that God's time will surely happen and will be best for you. P.S. You can wear skirts and dresses and still look good. Trouser does not particularly make one attractive and so many women/girls choose not to wear trousers. Best of luck. Your parents raised you the best way they know: Trying to protect you but maybe they were a bit extreme.

  14. To be honest, what I can see in your narrative is "self-pity"

    Stop blaming your parents, they've done what they could, it's time for you to take charge of your own life.

    I use to be timid and allowed low self-esteem to almost swallow me, God helped me to stand up to whoever tried to pull me down. Please, make it a conscious effort to stand up for yourself, develop self-confidence, and add it to all you do...

    Lastly, pray to God about all you want. You need to have a positive mindset, be confident in yourself. I'm sorry if you don't believe in yourself and add confidence to it with God, you may not be able to nail that dream job, good guy et al. Stop looking down on yourself, dear...

    About dressing well, save as little as you can and buy good clothes which doesn't cost much, depending on where you're buying from.

    It's well with you.

  15. Poster first of all, calm down!
    I was once in your shoes. Infact, I got an award for "most religious girl" in my class when I was graduating. Funny right?
    First thing to do is to change your mentality. Next, change yourself outwardly(dressing). Note the word OUTWARDLY. This doesn't change you(character). Get DECENT dresses for yourself to change your "churchy" wardrobe. Do nice hair styles and always keep it neat. Take care of your skin and face. Trust me it boosts confidence when you look good. You might decide to use light makeup. Personally, I do very light ones that is almost natural cos I always love being natural (practice proper packaging). Then next, practice being social and jovial. Trust me it will help but be wise while doing this. You may or may not decide to change your church and friends.
    My dear, you will be fine if you follow these steps and you might even get more tips to remodel yourself. Good luck dear

  16. Now that you know and understand what your problem is, it's time for you to make a decision and do the needful. You know your low, while not work on it? Make friends, try to be out spoken, reach out to people, go out, be free with yourself and the rest. No one will help u, only u can do it.

  17. Saying you didn’t have a stable relationship because of trousers is simply not true.
    Have you considered you probably need to broaden your thinking to be interesting enough to hold a conversation? You strike me as someone who may not be that knowledgeable even though you may be educated. In a decent relationship, most of what you do is TALK; so can you hold your own? Do you read books, keep abreast of current happenings, devour positive knowledge from diverse angles to be able to have things to contribute in a conversation? What of your character? Believe me, you should also look inwards. Are you rude or slightly impolite? Are you condescending or judgmental, as is often seen in people from deeply religious homes. What of your looks? Lack of money or trousers shouldn’t prevent you from looking good, you just need to be interested.
    I agree, not being sociable can impact your earning ability. Perhaps after school, you didn’t get lots of information on entry level recruitments, that’s fine I understand. But I don’t understand how you will not give your all to a business you have decided to start. You say your social media pages are boring, so what have you done about it? Are you waiting for your customers to solve that for you? Can’t you meet people to teach you, if you can’t work the apps? If you identify something as necessary for your objectives, you go out of your way to get it. Let financial lack be the motivation you need to rise up and take charge of your life.
    Please go on the internet and take lessons on the use of social media, public speaking, networking and confidence. Use this to promote yourself and boost your self confidence. You give off a defeatist mien and that may account for your seeming lackadaisical approach to things that matter.
    On your business, I don’t know the vocation you learnt but I know the fastest way, especially in this period, to turn over money is by selling necessities. Can you start a business based on food? You will turn over your money faster and still have your vocation by the side. This could help you get financially independent. With independence, you will quickly learn how to handle your parents.

  18. You can actually look very beautiful in a good skirt and gown. It's all about knowing the best way to combine outfits.
    If the business you're doing on SM is one that doesn't need your face to promote sales, then I feel it's an advantage for you to push yourself real hard.
    Keep your page busy, post your work, motivational quotes etc. Just keep it busy.
    When did we start seeing Stella's face? Even now that we have, her picks comes ones in a blue moon.

    Buy a dark shade and go out on your own to exciting places. I always wear one when I dress too hot, so that people will not notice how shy I am.

    Nne, force yourself to socialize. Greet people even when they are not looking your way and compliment their dressing or looks.

    Life is all about decisions. If you make up your mind to try and put your fears behind you and change your life,it will happen. Good luck

  19. It’s not a boyfriend you need right now because no man in his right mind will ask someone with low self confidence out, just the same way no woman in her right mind will accept to date a man with low self eaterm issues. I do not mean this in a bad way, just that like attracts like, just as you mentioned.
    Please start seeing a therapist so he/she can help you dind yourself and unravel the damage done by your parents and environment.
    When you gain self confidence and self worth, you will be the one chasing men off. Self confidence is very sexy, that’s why many women fall for ‘bad guys’.
    Please go and see a therapist as soon as possible. Becaus of doctor-patient confidenciality, you won’t have to worry that what you talk about will be used against you.
    All the best.

  20. Please dont blame your parents at all for your predicament. i grew up in a strict home too.. Infact my parents were deeper lifers.. I had natural hair (not these modern day ones that are good looking; i mean those spongy like smelly types) till i got into the university and decided to take care of myself more.. I didnt relax my hair if thats what you are thinking..

    I just started taking care of myself more.. I ditched the mary amaka skirts for knee length ones and also bought very nice gowns.. Due to my parents strictness, i wrote jamb just once and they shipped me off to a private uni( make i no spoil). to cut the long story short, i packaged myself well, mingled with others, picked the good i wanted and ignored the bad. i met my husband immediately i graduated.. It was at a friends wedding.. I was with other friends that had butt length weavons on and wore flashy dresses.

    I braided my hair nicely and wore a simple skirt and blouse with no minimal makeup on(i am already used to this).. he chose me, we dated for 4yrs and we have been married for 6yrs.. I still dont wear earrings till date( i dont have a hole in my ear).. I tried using magnetic and it felt uncomfortable so i ditched it.. i still dont wear trousers whenever i visit my parents( out of respect for them) but i didnt let their strictness define me.

    They wanted me to get married to a fellow church member but i vehemently refused.. Thank God i did cos i am married to the most wonderful "catholic" man on earth. I am 30 and i have a good business running.. I remember when i was 23 and working(had 2 jobs at the time) any time i come back past 9pm, my dad would want to start shouting.. one day i told him that if he wants me to quit the job so i can be coming home early, he should be paying me exactly the same amount i was earning.. The only free day i had then was sunday but i made the best use of it..

    poster take charge of your life and leave your parents out of it

  21. Poster, there are so many pretty skirts, Infact I look hotter in skirts because I get to expose my fine legs, that's when I get toasters more sef, So go to the market and get nice skirts,and fine tops too, then carry yourself nicely. Sometimes it's ain't about what you wear, but how you carry yourself.
    And also any man who truly likes you, would not lose interest because you don't have a job, A good man would rather help you get a good job or start up something for you, so forget those yeye boys, them no like better thing, they don't deserve you at all.
    Try and make friends, Take yourself out to nice places, sit pretty and be receptive and you would meet people.
    Concerning your online business, I do not know what you sell, but if it is hair, or clothing, wear them, make nice videos, post them, "smile baby girl" , You want to make money?, yea, Then make that money, Your videos would attract customers asap.
    Stop blaming your parents, the deed has been done, take charge of your life, Do not allow them still dictate what you should wear or not wear,Talk to them very politely about your decisions and simply do your thing.
    Stop being afraid and enjoy your life, This life has got no duplicate, Live now, because you ain't living forever, You dig!!.

    1. Well some Good men also want a woman who’s financial stable to help out in marriage. Naija’s economy is not smiling on a lot of people. It’s tough out there abeg. So having a job also helps!

  22. Youtube videos on self esteem, how to carry yourself and how to stop being shy can help. They helped me, together with prayers and a change of mindset. I was like you, and even after I got married, I used to run away from my friends and social gathering; people wondered why my outgoing husband married my kind.

    But today, my story has changed, I am more confident, and no, I still don't wear trousers. Let your confidence bring out the inner glow and beauty that you have in you.

    God loves you, He will show you how, just be ready to change. A turn around will come your way as you change your defeatist mindset.

  23. I learnt something new on SDK blog today.
    So all the girls that wear jeans do so to attract boyfriends?

  24. Poster you have to socialising with friends, make new set of friends from your new church. Buy trousers, buy sexy gowns and stop wearing sis sis gowns.

    If your parents stopped you from socialising, you should have helped yourself from doing so. I was born in a deeper life church and my parents gave us strong training but still some of us broke out a little.

    You can pay people to arrange your page, you can also learn hand work to add to your business.

    Make friends with people on this blog, start hanging out please.

  25. Poster, I was in your shoes some years ago. My mates from secondary school are always surprised when they see me now. I was timid and fearful of everything. Even till uni. And then one day, I woke up and went to a barking salon and cut all my hair off. I told myself, I’d recreate my life. You don’t have to be as drastic as I was but you literally need to choose to start again. Here are my top tips:

    Watch style/fashion videos and start incorporating some in your dressing

    Wear a smile on your face, it makes you more approachable

    Don’t try drugs.

    Go out of your way to try new things

    Never sacrifice your relationship with God.
    All said, you have to be careful too, there are many mad people roaming the streets.

    Know this: you are enough!


  26. My father is a deeper life pastor with serious child abuse punishments as discipline but I didn't let it get to me. After service, I took a hold of my life. Stop wallowing in self pity, take a bold step, leave your comfort zone and with conscious effort, overcome your fears and lack of self esteem

    1. Same here! Parents were deeper life before they established their own church. It was hell! Very abusive especially my dad. I don’t understand them. They always quote this bible quote of spear the rod and spoil the child to physically abuse their kids!

  27. Poster Your chronicle screams depression and if you don’t take care of this first, you won’t be able to do anything and you’ll continue to feel stagnant! Depressed people can become very introverted and this also affects social interaction/skills. You need to balance your brain chemistry ASAP. This can happen to anyone based on Negative life experiences. As soon as you get a chance to move out of your parents place, please move out! living there self will reminds you of your upbringing, Controlling parents, which can bring depressed mood. You’re a grown adult now and just taking that necessary Step will start to improve your mood. The more your mood improves, you’ll start regaining your self esteem, confidence which will attract men and females for new friendships. Also as others have stated, practice positive affirmations on self esteem, repeat to yourself over and over. Do deep breathing/stretch(breath in, hold your nose and breath out Slowly through your mouth. Do this about 20-25 times in the Am and before going to bed or do this after workouts),Exercise to sweat out the depressed mood. Exercise increases the feel good hormones (serotonin) in our brain. Go for a professional counseling when you have enough money or someone you’re comfortable talking to as talk therapy helps a lot. You may not want to hear this but include prayers as well. It’ll strengthen your mind. Pr
    Lastly, I don’t know if there’s 5htp in naija. Take it please. It’s a natural supplement that helps with mood, anxiety depression and sleep. Just take it for six weeks and you’ll be fine. If you don’t have 5htp, take vitamin D, fish oil for your brain and women’s multivitamin. go out and stay in the sun for at least 30mins in the morning or evening (not afternoon. You get vitamin D in the AM/evening time). I bet you, you stay indoor too much. Take that first step actually and start walking.cut down on white carbs (Switch to whole grains)and eat more veggies and fruits. The more you get better mentally, you’ll automatically feel the urge to get moving in life. You must move out of your parents though as soon as you’re able to. It’ll help you focus on you and do what’s best for you and even change your outward appearance. You’ll feel great! I’m able to tell you this because I grew up exactly the same way you did. Very strict religious background. you can’t hang out, You can’t wear this and that, I developed depressed mood and crazy anxiety. Not until I moved out of my parents and took charge of my life, that’s when I’m able to change my situation! It took a while to figure what’s up with me as I didn’t even know what depression and anxiety is at that time. University could have been a very good opportunity for you to break out of your shell but if brain is not well balanced, it can be very challenging and you probably suffer from social anxiety too. Stella please please and please post this. Poster needs to read this! Ps: poster can you make good akara/fried yam and package it well like ice cream cone shape and sell it as side business? Or sell small chops. You only need low capital to start. Update us poster! Goodluck!

  28. Wow, I really enjoyed this post, though I am not poster. Thanks to Stella, the poster for her courage to post and Bvs with their wonderful advice. E go be ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿพ

  29. Do something totally alien to you. You have to step outside of your comfort zone. And what I would tell you is so darn hard right now with the Covid. I don't know what to tell you to do that can be done right now with the whole social distancing situation. Maybe you could try to open a You Tube or TikTok page and start making videos.

    I pray for your deliverance from this spirit that has kept you trapped and imprisoned.

  30. She needs to leave that environment by securing a job far away from parents. During NYSC you should have been posted far away from your parents and remained in that state. Anyway you have to physically uproot yourself from your parents Then have very outgoing friends to guide you for socialization. See you have to be reborn and enjoy your life , your parents unfortunately will limit you and try to keep you in a mold and will still blame you for how you turn out. Please please start living a purposeful life.


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