Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Sister Of Lady Who Died In Her Sleep After Years Of Domestic Abuse Writes A Long Memo

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Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Sister Of Lady Who Died In Her Sleep After Years Of Domestic Abuse Writes A Long Memo


She was in an extremely brutal physical and mentally abusive marriage for 25yrs and tried her best to be happy but she has been buried,safe from harm leaving behind four beautiful children .........

Sad story.........








Domestic Abuse


My Dear Sister, It hurts me deeply to write this, as I do not explicitly have your permission to do so, and as a part of me feels that you would have still been trying to hide this somehow. However, I somewhat feel like I do have your indirect permission because of the things you revealed to me in the discussion we had just a day before you passed, and also to a few other friends, in the few months before you passed, who have now also told us.


I am intentionally not adding this to my ‘x of 50’ series, as this is not a celebration of you! This is a part, I wish NEVER happened. This is a part, I wish I could have taken away from you. This is a part, I wish you never endured. I feel a guilt here somewhat as well, as to if I even did the right thing all these years.


But here goes, just so that if it helps anybody else’s Sister, Niece, Aunt, Mother etc etc, then this is not in vain. Male relatives also, but I am specifying females as this pertains to my Sister.


I have written a lot about happy times we had with C, and indeed they truly were, but today I am writing about a sad part of C’s life.


It took me a minute to get here as I wanted my focus to be on burying my Sister, with all the strength I had and no bitterness in my heart. After that though, a lot of conflicting emotions arose.

Unfortunately, so very Unfortunately, C was in an extremely brutal physical and mentally abusive marriage for 25yrs, which started, she told me pre-marriage actually (and I thought, hmmmm and you still married him?). They had been together for 32years.


While, NO LEVEL of abuse is acceptable, and not to excuse a shove, or a slap, or a <insert anything else milder here> (which many women have endured and are still with the perpetuators) but Carol endured, life threatening abuse. To the extent that in 2013, I had written the following to her husband (an excerpt from a series of emails):


“I called you 3 times and you did not pick up your phone. I needed to get a few things across to you. Most men do not wake up in the morning and say I will kill my wife at 2.15pm today. Accidents from domestic abuse gets them there.


I need you to know that you are on the hook henceforth for Carol's life. She best die after a prolonged illness in a hospital, if not we are coming after you with vengeance. She best not hit her leg funny and fall and die coincidently! or slide and fall in a bath coincidentally, as you will unfortunately have to answer for it.”


And here we are, 7 years later, C is gone, in her sleep. Yes, people do naturally die in their sleep, C is not the first and would certainly not be the last. But this is why no-one should abuse their spouse, because then it leads to questions, instead of Sympathy.


C did separate from her Husband, I must sadly say not willingly, but from a phone call from Franca(Sister in PH) to Francis(Brother in Lagos), to go and get her out of her marital home (during an incident) before she is killed. It lasted about a year.

However as most abused women do, Carol went back to her abuser. 6 years after that she is actually DEAD. I still hate to use the ‘D’ word, but in this case, it just makes sense to call it what it is.


While there is a lot of speculation in Lagos, and people have directly and anonymously called some of my siblings to disclose what they know, I want to absolutely clarify that there is no intent here to fan those ‘her husband killed her’ rumors, but the fact that C may have died unhappy, from years of physical and mental abuse, makes me really sad. We have heard from several people of several loud fighting/quarreling in C’s home, days leading up till her death, including just the night before. The intent here is to purely address domestic abuse, in the hope that it helps someone. C is DEAD and nothing can change that.


C, tried her best to seem happy and joyous, almost overly so, and hide the pain. C repeatedly covered up for her abuser, as most abused women do. We are not that family that talked her into going back to an abusive marriage, as our culture tends to want us to do. We were were ALL opposed to it. We supported her in court (Yup it sadly got there, her abuse is legally documented) but were not successful in keeping her away from him. They had a very strong bond.


Unfortunately co-dependency does this, but people protect the people they love. They do not abuse them. C has been with him since she was about 18, she knew no different.


C talked about losing hearing in one ear from a blow to her head in 1999, C suffered persistent headaches from these blows, C had to cover a patch on her scalp from where her hair was yanked out of her head. These amongst others is what we know of, as we all know the abused never tells the entire story!


If you know anyone going through an abusive marriage/relationship, be it physical or emotional, please advice them to LEAVE. Happiness is key in life, and you don’t want to bury a sibling amidst uncertain circumstances, like we just did.


As many of you know we are a family of VERY strong women, including my Mother, and yet this happened to us. This is to show that abuse crosses several boundaries. If you suspect abuse, please ask, if you know of abuse please OUT the person. It is the secrecy that fuels abuse, as men tend to NOT abuse their wives in public. Even they know that it is a shameful, demeaning, low self esteem act.


Interestingly my Brother told me this once, ‘Liz, I am a man, let me tell you this, there is nowhere men gather and another man walks in and says ‘hand me a beer, I just finished beating up my wife’ and the other men hail and high five him and hand him the beer!!! There are sadly some other bad things men do that we high five them for, but not abuse!’


Abuse is evil! Purely evil! I have spoken of, and shared pictures of, how extremely beautiful my Sister was, how graceful, how always beautifully dressed, how well spoken she was, yet she was belittled into feeling unworthy. Equally as evil, emotional abuse cuts deep!


Does anyone condone pedophilia? Does anyone condone physical child abuse? While we all agree there is a big difference between children and adult abuse, the abusers mind remains the same, target is just different. Grooming, planning and execution. Sadly domestic abuse is often treated as rape instead(crimes against mostly women), where some form of blame is attached.


Truth is the raped girl in the mini skirt, presented to a non-rapist will not be raped. They maybe cajoled into the same sexual act, but it will be consensual, a big difference. Domestic violence is never RIGHT.

People tend to want to stay ‘because of the children’, to each their own, however, the same children being protected, tend to witness the abuse and are scarred as well. a lose lose situation.

Please share this, in the hope that it helps, even if it is one more woman to escape abuse.

I apologize C, but your Children need to know it is wrong, our Nieces and Nephews need to know it is wrong. The more we address domestic abuse, the more it hopefully stops.


One wish I have is that you were here to speak to this, as you would do a marvelous job at it! Your public speaking was impeccable.

Like It was said in your tribute, you are now SAFE! Interesting choice of words.

Thanks so much for reading. I know it was a long read, but I really hope it touched someone, somewhere, enough to make a difference.


We all miss you dearly, My Sister, Continue to Rest In Peace. Till we meet again. I will still ask you then ‘what happened girl??!!! Maybe over some cocktail in the Heaven lounge??






121 comments:

  1. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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    1. Divorce divorce if you are in an abusive marriage or relationship

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  2. This is so sad to read πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ˜”πŸ˜ž God rest her soul! Nobody should condole any act of violence either physically or mentally! It's better to just walk away than die in the process of thinking about what society will say!

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  3. So deep. In all be it male or female, Say no to domestic violence.

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    1. Interestingly my Brother told me this once, ‘Liz, I am a man, let me tell you this, there is nowhere men gather and another man walks in and says ‘hand me a beer, I just finished beating up my wife’ and the other men hail and high five him and hand him the beer!!! There are sadly some other bad things men do that we high five them for, but not abuse!’
      Truth is the raped girl in the mini skirt, presented to a non-rapist will not be raped. They maybe cajoled into the same sexual act, but it will be consensual, a big difference. Domestic violence is never RIGHT.

      These 2 paragraphs hit me.

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    2. But my question is, are there women who are marked to be abused and others aren't? I know women who just keep finding themselves with brutal abusers right from their own fathers and brothers as children, through dating and 3 marriages.

      I also know a neighbour who beats his wife on a daily till he once pushed her and she broke her hip bone before she left the marriage. They were childhood lovers who got married and were together for 19years. This same man remarried to one smallish yellow girl. She worked with Zenith bank when he married her before she moved to work with ecowas. My parents said they have never heard Pim. The man who used to come home drunk seem to have been hypnotized into the triangle of work-church-home routine! I said Mr Udoh now goes to church?! They have been together 6years and we are still watching.

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    3. whatever the reason, the woman being abused is not to blame!

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    4. Sometimes it is actually a spiritual problem from the woman's side causing the man to misbehave. I know some of you will disagree but it's the sad truth. We have to be prayerful, this life is very deep.

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    5. @Sapphire, people who have been abused one way or the other are pulled towards people who abuse, however it is not inherent in the victim nor is it their fault, it is a cycle that needs to be broken either by counselling, prayer or some other form of therapy... Life indeed is deep!

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  4. 6all those blows must have left some brain scarring or a slow bleeding injury in her brain. People dont just die in their sleep.

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  5. So sad but all form of abuse should not be condoned. If the person you are with makes you sadder than you were before you met them kindly retrace your step.

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  6. This was really sad to read.Please, please,and PLEASE,if you're in violent relationship,dating or married,walk away.Nothing hurts more than leaving your kids behind o.If they hit you while dating,chances of them doing it when you get married if high.Your life is way more important than your status."What will people say",should not bother you.May her soul rest in peace.

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  7. Oh my God it is heartbreaking

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  8. This just messed up my mind, so sad .May God rests her soul and comfort her loved ones.#saynotodomesticviolence#

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  9. Sad indeed,.may her soul rest in peace.
    Congratulations to everyone that left their abusive spouse, it's better to be divorced than die married. I wonder why she went back, those men do not learn, if she stayed back because of the children like they claim, what will happen to them now?
    If you in one,please leave now...

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    1. No o, It is better to die in the marriage miserable and unhappy than to be divorced. Don't forget that God hates divorce.

      Who is dead and buried now? The woman.

      Who will happily move on and remarry? The man.

      Who will be at the receiving end and will be likely mistreated? The children.

      Who is mourning? The woman's family, friends and her children.

      She endured and endured to what end? Only to die.

      If you are suffering DV in any form whether male or female, please run from the marriage and never look back.

      These fanatics will only remind you that God hates divorce but they won't give you any practical or reasonable advise on how to stay alive. They will even blame and judge you in death.

      RIP C.

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    2. God bless you Ms Abroadian, you nailed it aptly!

      May we never be shamed and may we not marry our enemy, Amen.

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    3. If I told you Religion and culture is to blame for the way women are portrayed and belittled thereby leading to DV by some beasts who are so called men, would you believe me? I once heard a guy say to me in Uni. 'Women are like children, and so they need to be disciplined like Children when they misbehave' well guess what that same guy is a Christian and a leader in the church he goes to and of course married.. I hope to God he has changed that analogy of his...

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  10. Went to the Instagram and cried. Eh God. To think she always had a smile on her face.

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    1. I know the couple well. Childhood sweethearts. She even had some delay having kids. Mr I ( that’s what his name starts with) never allowed C rest. And she was accomplished. Why she stayed with him o my God knows.

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    2. Mr I is the devil himself. May he rot in hell

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  11. 😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is so sad. Rest in peace C.

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  12. *C had to cover a patch on her scalp from where her hair was yanked out of her head* This reminded me of myself. I have this same experience. My braided hair was yanked off and left a big scar. I left the marriage from the hospital after his beating landed me in the hospital. I had no child but an innocent maid was staying with me. Each time the beating starts. The tears and shouting, rolling on the floor of the Innocent girl hurts me more than he beating. Most times when l sense quarrel l will lock her up in her room. But immediately she hears my cry. She will start shouting. Don't kill my mummy for me oooo. I can hear her voice as l type. I am crying loud as here. My hands are shaking. Oh God. The irony is that another woman packed in with him few weeks after l left and he married her four months later. I lost so much on that marriage. I lost focus on my career. Lost my job due to consist absent from work and even when am at work. I am absent minded. People advised me to do all sorts against him. Get a lawyer and make him pay for all the pains, share the property we acquired together bla bla bla. Oh. I don't need all those. The most important thing is that l am ALIVE though jobless. Its been 3 years. I am still very single but no iota of regret for leaving. I am Gods divine project. I am convinced he will never abandoned me.
    This post has messed me up so bad. Can't even control this tears. What a day!. I don't wish domestic violence on my enemy.

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    1. Oh so sorry dear. Be strong for thy lord is with you.

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    2. Soooo sorry, dearie. You are ALIVE, and I applaud you for walking out of that abusive marriage. You're right about being Gods divine project. I pray He strengthens you. Don't worry, He will surely surprise, just hold on to Him. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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    3. lady.
      So sorry for your ordeal.
      God be with you.

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    4. So sorry dear, the Lord will fill your heart with joy and replace all that you have lost, amen.

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    5. God Almighty give you cause to smile soon. It is well with you. You are a winner. Just tell yourself every time you looked at the mirror or wake up, you are God project and a winner.

      God has not forgotten you. Be rest assured you will smile again

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    6. ❤️❤️❤️❤️.

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    7. God is here for you...I can imagine how you feel...But guess what you are more than a conqueror and you are more than enough..

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    8. You're so strong for leaving that marriage. Don't worry God will bless you with a better job and a very good man that will treat you like the queen you are

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    9. You really endure dear, the Lord would strengthen you, a mouth watering job is coming your way. A good man would come and make you forget your past pain (that's if you still want to remarry)

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    10. ❤❤❤❤❤❤πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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    11. This jst made me sad.
      I'm thankful you're alive and positive that tomorrow would be better.
      I'm glad you've no regret, keep staying strong , the sun would shine again.

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    12. All my sisters had bad marriages with messed up children. That made me to hate marriage or stay close to an authoritative man. Strangely, I don't feel lonely. I don't want to go through that pain. You send a daughter to school, graduates then get married and next time you see her with a child on her back, load on her head and acting like a zombie. No, I'm not going through it.

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    13. Oh dear!

      Believe me you are more than a conquerer.
      God has not forsaken you.
      You will recover all that you have 'lost'!
      Your joy will soon be completed through Christ who strengthens us.
      I celebrate you beloved child of GodπŸ₯°πŸ˜πŸ₯°πŸ˜πŸ₯°πŸ˜

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    14. This made me cryπŸ˜ͺ. You are a strong woman. Give yourself time and may God heal you and give you superlative happiness.

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    15. Thank God for you and seeing you through! That girl you called 'innocent girl' obviously not so innocent if she can marry the man that almost killed you, that is wickedness.
      But I believe and pray in time God will vindicate you. Stay blessed and remain thankful and positive! Lots of love dear!

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    16. Your latter will be much greater than your past. Stay strong dearie, you're a survivor!

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    17. @Annonymous 13.59,pls was it yhe same story we read? Where on earth did the "innocent little girl" marry the man afree tge wife moved out?

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    18. Wow u are truly strong. Pls where is that ur beautiful hearted maid?? Hope u are still in touch with her

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    19. @Anon 18:20. The girl is doing very well. I left with her but when the going got tough financially l asked her to go to her parents. We are still in touch. She is my baby girl for life by Gods grace.
      Thanks @all for your prayers. I say amen to them all. May God bless you all. Love indeed lives her.

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    20. I remember my maid use to come between us when i was being beaten saying Daddy ejo e ma binu. He eventually rearranged my face and messed up my head and life. No job, no career, nothing. Just getting my life back on track. We're still together but the live is totally gone. Ladies please always make sure that you are grounded financially. Believe me, he'll think twice before messing you around because he knows you won't suffer if you leave. The psychological and emotional trauma messed me up. Still healing. DV is bad ladies. Please be selfish and love yourselves first. Had to go under anon! The fight if he finds iut ehn...

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  13. They would have done an Autopsy on their sister. That man needs to be in jail.

    May God console their family.

    Please separate if you are being abused... .It never stops.
    Your children need you alive. πŸ€— πŸ€—

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  14. Went to the Instagram and cried. Eh God. To think she always had a smile on her face.

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  15. Heartwrenching...

    You are safe now C

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  16. This is so sad! Moreso the fact that many women will still be to scared to leave such marriages until their untimely demise. Just read a post on Facebook where single mothers were being bashed by men. There were over 3k comments, 85% of which were demeaning and degrading to single motherhood. Yet we wonder why some prefer to literarily "die there" instead of seeking refuge for their safety.
    The Nigerian system need to do better. We cannot all be shouting "leave", yet condemn survivors of this plague.
    May her soul rest in peace.

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  17. Women who are abused cover for their abusers almost all the time. If you even point it out to them that look your spouse is abusing you, they will completely lock up and deal with the abuse alone. Please if you a dating someone he/she shouts on you, threatens you or hut please leave. Leave, because when you marry them the chances of leaving would be very slim. Culture plus religion (yes, religion) would be use to make sure you stay put in an abusive marriage. If you are in an abusive please leave to live. Recently, I visited my married friend and saw the way her husband was shouting and even called her stupid and threaten to beat her. When I tried to talk to her she shut it down and thereafter blocked me on Whatsapp. I couldn't tell anybody. All I'm left to do is pray she is fine.

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  18. The next time this my uncle tells me to go back to my children's daddy, I'll walk him out of this my small room I'm managing and out of my life forever!
    How dare he!!! Telling me he doesn't want any of his sister leaving her man's house bla bla bla.
    He's the only one in my family insisting I go back, then my elder sister's hubby too.
    Reading this now I just feel like going to Facebook to write mine and even curse the beast alot.
    As I am so I'm managing my life even though I've not gotten anything to my name.
    I'll definitely write I'm a survivor someday when I'm made.

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    Replies
    1. Yes you are a survivor..Please don't listen to your uncle at all..Be strong dear

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    2. Nne write it now o! From your lips to God's ears. You're a survivor!

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    3. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!
      God bless youπŸ’ž

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  19. this is just so sad.
    Everyday we keep hearing stories like this, I hope it ends soon.
    Life is already hard enough.... why make it harder for your spouse? I really can’t fathom that part.

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  20. What a sad tale!!! A very good friend of mine is in an abusive relationship that would soon go physical. The signs are there. He insists that she washes his bathroom, boxer and clothes every week because he's a man. He does not apologize but insist that she must be submissive. He breaks up with her at least once a month and when she tries to move on he comes begging. They've been on it since 2016. I've begged her to leave several times but she would say there are no men. God I'm tired!!!! She's a very nice lady I just want this he goat to leave her life so someone better can come. I'm sending this story to her right now. I hope she listens. What a heart wrenching story

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    1. Kai this is low self esteem...Imagine 4years after and she is still doing all these..Vermillion please show her this post maybe it will hit some sense into her head...

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    2. Don't worry. She will pray and fast it away. Haba! It is not her portion o. She will soon block you and tag you a jelouse friend. That is the mind set of such women who believes men are scarce.

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    3. @Phoenix I've showed her o. Saphire I really like her as a friend and I'll continue to tell her o if not my conscience will continue pricking me. I hope she finally listens. I hate domestic violence with passion eh

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    4. What kind of low self-esteem is that - no men. Did you come to the world because of prick. I'm an overweight 50 +, in a not very happy marriage. But i can easily count 5 active toasters. It's all in your outlook to life. I've chosen to be happy and i suppose my positive vibes brings the men. Mind you i don't have money o. So girl, most importantly, leave with your life and hopefully God will send you a good man. Don't be desperate otherwise you will end up with another monster.

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  21. I am so angry, very very angry to God! Let me not say anything, cos walahi! I feel like blaming the dead. Wow! This is sad.

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  22. Father Lord this is sad to read, no human on Earth should be subjected to any form of abuse it is pure EVIL.

    May the soul of C and others who have died as a form of abuse rest in perfect peace amen.

    Please if you are in an abusive relationship of somewhat please please and please leave it's not worth loosing your life to itπŸ˜₯

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  23. Stella, l have a friend going through this same thing. She told me that the husband kicked her in the tummy on Sunday, and is not the first time. She wanted to leave to her sister's house. I advised her to pray, my bad! I am going to see her today, and show her this message. Hopefully, she will leave. I will encourage her to leave the man, and they don't have any child for 10years of marriage. Constant abuse from when she can remember. She told me her story yesterday, and l told her to pray. How stupid l am to suggest such to her! Gosh! I am so stupid to enable this! I am so going to help her in leaving the man.

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    1. Please encourage her to leave. What is she still there for though..

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    2. God bless you Amara..Please do it I pray God strengthens you because discouragement may come..but your friend will appreciate you on the long run..Help your friend..Thank you

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  24. I'm crying real bad right now. Reading this just brought back memories, the spot he broke my head with the head of his belt is aching me seriously now as I cry.
    How do I find closure? I need help!

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    Replies
    1. So sorry Please leave him alone!! Leave that place

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    2. @phoenix, I've left now going to 2yrs. This write-up just mess up my whole being.

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    3. Hey God😭😭
      The Lord will do you good sis!
      This post just made me scared
      Lord pls, let me not shi'marry oh😭😭 I don't have body that somebody will beat dear Lord😭😭

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  25. My God! I thank God for my sisters life. Marriage of a year with a 3 month old packed up cos he beat her. My parents tried to persuade her to forgive and forget,I asked if they would also forgive and forget if he kills her. I'm so happy we her siblings stood by her otherwise she may have been pressured to accept him in. Unfortunately,he's extremely irresponsible too(typical Abuja boy). I don't regret supporting her throwing him out of the house,hasn't spent 1 kobo on their daughter since she was born,won't buy food,pay bills does absolutely NOTHING for them Yet wants to eat the fattest meat.
    Ladies,please don't give into marital pressure no matter the circumstances. There's no gain whatsoever in it except the children. Domestic violence is a killer, you only know the beginning but can never predict how it will end

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    Replies
    1. Your sister is very lucky. Mine died 2016. 20years of horrible physical and mental abuse. She died. Sadness can kill oh! Didn't want to leave because of what people will say. He doesn't even take my calls, no one knows how the children are faring. Thank God the children ain't that young. Their father blocked us out. This post just opened the flood gates.

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    2. You should be celebrated Omeh!! I love seeing courageous and strong women..Chai you are my woman crush...Thank you for standing up for your sister..Please keep an eagle eye on your sister so that nonsense guy will not come close to her or her child..

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  26. Stella, I'm sharing this right away.

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  27. God will see you through.

    God really saved my sister, she chopped beatings but you know what, the man is sick sort of and can't even beat my sis again. God is in charge.

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  28. People shout leave. Leave. Speak Up. Same people will shame you to death of being divorced. Saying how no one in your entire generation has ever divorced and you are not allowed to start it. People look down on your children as being incomplete because he is brought up by a single mum. Oh did l forget how your female friends will abandon you for fear of snatching their husband and your married friends husbands insist their wives never associate with you for fear of corrupting them. Any man seen around you is your male friend and you are termed ashawo.
    In all these negatives. There are still positive once. People that will stand so firm for you. They rather have you alive than watch you die.


    Shout out to every woman who dammed all consequence and left a domestic marriage.
    Shout out to all the strong women.
    Life na once.

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    Replies
    1. Do people actually think like this? Cos I've met a lot of divorced women and I don't even see them differently so long they are living responsible lives.

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    2. Babes what is your own with all these nonsense. When you even leave you yourself should understand that its not a walk in the park and start to put in structures around yourself.

      When I left, I didnot wait for anybody to start doing me anyhow, me myself I moved from people who were not helpful to my situation. Like I left with nothing and my best friend at the time travelled and bought me one flimsy top but will show me several dresses or skirt suits she bought so expensively in the UK, I did not say anything but teh day she told me that I should come and pack her TM shirts that are now too small for her I understood that is why she didnt buy me anything sensible from her trip. She had budgeted that me I me take her left over clothes. Which was fine but I saw it affected me badly so I stylishly moved away from her. When she asked I said i dont want to be a seen as a bad influence BY HER HUSBAND. She tried but I knew she was not really my friend and tehre was no point hanging on to what was not. Pretending you care when you just want to show off your good life and make me feel you are in a better position. Fortunately God came through for me as well.

      What did i do?

      She used to give me a lift to work, I stopped following her because i suddenly realised all her gist were around her better life. Whether she did it intentionally I dont know and I took no offence but I knew it was affecting my mental state so I had to stop moving with her.

      I also saw that she was more into appearing nice than actually being nice, so I did not want to be her charity case.

      I started attending programs that ignited the drive to move forward in me. More often than not nobody n=knew me in these events so I just dress up and go and come back feeling better

      I buried myself in my work and it paid off eventually.

      I made new friends and ran when old ones tried to drag me back into unnecessary sentiments. You wont even see me to talk nonsense with sef. I was very intentional and protective of my peace of mind. Anything that disturbed it I remove from my path

      But one thing I must say i realise is I only was able to achieve all above with GOD. I know the modern day theories do not like to hera God in these thing but the journey is not so easy you need inner strength and direction. I had a cousin who called me to come for reconciliation for years I never went, it was not easy to keep her away but I had to and I believed that strength came from my spiritual state. So if it helps try God too.

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    3. 3 Gbosa for you Zaram, you just spoke my mind.

      Delete
    4. Thank you Zaram . Let’s not also forget those who shouts divorce is a sin.
      The ones that say divorce is a sin....And they still go ahead and preach that if you do bad, God will divorce you(leave your presence). Talking from both sides of their mouth.
      They are more faithful in keeping a marriage than God is more faithful in keeping his relationship with you as a believer.
      Who is more supreme, God or man?
      My religion clearly states that God is always available to give you rest you that is heavy laden.... be it rest from sickness, rejection, bad days, even divorce....
      So no I don’t believe divorce is a sin.

      Delete
    5. 11.49 please I think you became paranoid especially towards your friend. You started reading petty meanings to things that probably existed in your head. Good to know you are doing fine for yourself now.

      Delete
  29. Ohh dear. Glory to God almighty, I'm a living witness of this kind of experience. It's actually easier said than done but our society including most of you in this blog are the problem. You'll always say, hmm she could not even stay married for 5years. All these university graduates claiming they are different from other women, why could she not endure? Let's be sincere, how many of you ladies here, that have brothers that abuse their wives have EVER stood against such or told your brothers the truth?
    I was in a very abusive marriage and because I also married late ACCORDING TO OUR SOCIETY STANDRDS, I tried to endure all sorts of nonsense. My hubby was even holding my ATM cards and I only got alerts as often as he could draw my hard-earned money. I became a shadow of myself. I only knew he has received his salary, that was by the way one-third of mine, whenever he did not come home, and of course his lines would be off. When it gotrgot worse I had to receive sense and change my ATM card PINs and was ready for every repacaurion that came from my decision. His family never saw that as anything because, according to his mom, she endured such from her late hubby. The worst was him also abusing my little help with impunity and when I got aware and exposed him, all hell let loose.

    Long story short,I walked away and prayed earnestly that he died bc divorce and remarrying while he was alive, were both against what I believe.

    I never looked back and even now he died, his family still blamed me for not staying put and taking care of their terrible brother/son.

    I bless God that I healed and ready to remarry and live a fun-filled life.

    To any abused woman reading this PLS LEAVE NOW.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm it is well..Salute your courage dear..You have no hand in his death and never feel guilty about it..Just forge ahead, face your life and cut off all communication with his family if it will affect your mental health..E-hugs to you

      Delete
    2. waoh, to think I almost out of desperate got married to a twice divorced he goat with nothing to offer only for him to start ordering about, trying to disconnect me from my friends and family because he couldn't hide himself again. Prayer works. Single and free, if you like make fun of me but I'm happy and alive.

      Delete
    3. Oh, you prayed for his death so your faith can let you remarry? Is that correct? Why not leave, get a divorce and move on with your own life? Ok, you are one of those who must not remarry so long as your ex is alive?

      Delete
    4. @saphire is that the only thing you saw in the whole right up? Smh

      Delete
    5. I am sorry for all you went through. But did u really pray for his death? I know God didnt answer your prayers cos he said he doesn't try us with evil. If and when our circumstances aren't bearable its better we leave before we start wishing or calling down death on others.

      Delete
    6. @saphire you don't have sense...that is her believe and it worked so what is your problem or business with that??

      Delete
    7. That was my thinking and the extent of pain and disgust I felt then. Now, I know better.

      Delete
  30. May her soul rest in peace hmmmm I je di uwa

    ReplyDelete
  31. "Like It was said in your tribute, you are now SAFE! Interesting choice of words." Safe now dead?

    This is so sad! Rest in peace Carol

    ReplyDelete
  32. God knows that if I know anyone in an abusive relationship, I will encourage them to leave, not to talk of my family member.

    God forbid!!!

    My aunt that the husband was beating then, when we were younger,will never forget how my father and his brother and nephew beat the hell out of him, and he landed I'm the hospital.

    After he tried it again after coming out, one of my uncles met him in the act and threw him down one story building, and they physically carried her out of the nonsense marriage. 😏

    My family is team leave if there is even a slap😎

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hmmm, I was in a childless and abusive marriage for 8 solid years! This man didn’t only physically abuse me, he also does it verbally to a point that I started feeling worthless. There was a day he hit and pushed me so hard that I landed on my back hitting the back of my head on the edge of our entrance, I fainted and when I opened my eyes, he was standing over me. Men! That guy will abuse me attracting all our neighbors, calling me “barren woman”. Infact it got to a point one day when one of our neighbors almost hit him.
    I woke up one morning, pick a few of my dress, went to rent an hotel, put in my resignation letter at work, stayed in that hotel for the 2 weeks notice at work to lapse and relocated to Abuja. I first traveled out of the country for like 3 months, when I returned, I registered my own company and started marketing my brand. However, I was still begging him to let me come back, master of fact, I begged him for 1 whole year, turning down every eligible suitors. But a day came, that I went to God in a vigil, I prayed from 10 pm till 4am and my prayer was “God, I have suffered for 8 solid years with a man, take me to where my reward is waiting”. 2 weeks later, my current husband showed up! We’ve been married for 10 years now with 3 beautiful children (all boys). Our life is beautiful in Canada!
    My ex? He got married to a Lady, she died after 2 years. He’s been married for another 4 years now, no child yet.
    Running from an abusive relationship is the cure, move away!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooooooh dear!
      You have seen it all.
      You are a warrior, God is still God!

      I know that God will never allow us to be shamed, it can take time but He will surely put a new song in our lips!
      I celebrate you.

      Delete
    2. No o. How dared you remarry?! They said you should wait around or fast and pray for your ex to die before you can move on or ever consider another marriage. That is what they said their bible said. Maybe by the time you found someone else and the ex refuses to die, you find a hit man to take them out. Nonsense And ingredients.

      God bless you marriage, my dear.

      Delete
    3. Sapphire stop this shade this post is to encourage women passing tru rough times in their marriage. That thing you wrote up there is not necessary. Be kind please. Anon 11:54 The man probably couldnt I'm pregnant a woman yet he was blaming you for that. I'm happy you are in a better place. God bless your home. #spotremover#

      Delete
    4. If you read again you will see I am supporting her for the way she handled her situation as opposed to the one who prayed for her ex to die b4 she can remarry.

      Pls ditch the abusive marriage and relationships. Date again and remarry if you find love again. You only live ONCE and time wasted in the clutches of the abuser or brooding a failed marriage is your loss. Do yourself a favour and face the sunny side with gratitude and optimism, cheer up and please live again. Not as a competition with your ex but because you deserve it.

      Delete
    5. Anon 15:08 go back to school and study literature. Sapphire is actually supporting her. Sapphire don’t mind them, that is how they have killed countless women talking them to pray and watch war room.

      Delete
  34. You see in this kind of post you will never see our blog hemaphrodite(don't know if I spelt it right)comment, the shemale will only read and pass but let the post be 'a woman disobeying her man'you will see her in her full regalia well perfumed jumping around the whole comment section like a fowl ready to mate..
    My late aunt was a victim of DV after several talks for her to leave,she refused..Today she's no more and her children are really damaged as a result.
    Rest in peace to the dead

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kisses to you.
      That one is busy heaping curses on it's head. Antichrist that nobody is noticing on this blog.

      Delete
    2. hahahha real hermaphrodite shemale lol πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ‘ŠπŸ‘ŠπŸ‘Š

      Delete
    3. I was looking for shim too, as well as those women haters Ceaser and Alexander.

      Dunno why I opened this post. The comments are refreshing. I hope the women in abusive relationships learn from this.

      Delete
  35. This is very sad, may her soul rest in peace.
    Pls anyone in an abusive relationship should pls leave. I remembered a woman in my villa,she and her hubby were fighting when an uncle of the woman walked in,saw them fighting and he took a plank and hit the hubby,he fell down and that was it..he died.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my God, what happened afterwards, was the uncle arrested? The woman will blame her uncle o, say I no send you to kill am for me o, chai,sad mehn

      Delete
  36. Hmmmm!!!
    This is heartbreaking😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    Rip C

    ReplyDelete
  37. 😭😭😭😭😭😭
    Rest in peace C.

    ReplyDelete
  38. When someone has had enough of something they usually do something about it.

    You can’t be feeling somebody’s pain more than them. If someone insists on staying in an abusive relationship then leave them be, until they are ready to leave any help you render if futile. Too may wasted effort to care abeg.

    ReplyDelete
  39. On Monday evening at exactly 10:30pm,my first ever boyfriend who I lost my virginity to,asked that i marry him. I went through alot from my family and even this guy in that relationship of 4 years. This guy hit me once over one trivial issue like that. He is now saying i should marry him . Me that already have a serious relationship and just want to start balancing my life so that I can be financially stable in order to get married next year. I can't marry a woman beater abeg. I no get flesh wey Dem go get pound like fufu.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have a serious relationship? So why are you still in full communication with your ex to the extent that he is emboldened to propose to you.

      Ah, Women! Some of you like complicating life unnecessarily. I bet you would still be communicating with your ex after your marriage. And if your husband does not control himself, you would send in your chronicle to blame men generally, etc.

      Well God hates divorce. That is clearly stated in the Bible. But where there is domestic violence, separation is allowed for the both parties to reflect and sort themselves out. Most cases of death from Domestic violence arises from the refusal or failure to separate.

      And apart from the societal stigma, most women do not want to separate because of financial and material considerations. In some rare cases, there are spiritual oaths and transactions between the couples. Some women have been known to engage in money rituals with their husbands. Would such women leave the marriage if the men turn themselves to wife beaters.

      Delete
  40. If I tell you ehhhhh... I hate Religion with a passion, yet I know being Christ-like has absolutely nothing to do with being a Pentecostal, Evangelical, Charismatic, Catholic, Anglican, etc. Because all I mentioned above and the ones not mentioned, their doctrines are all flawed and will belittle women, condemn separation and divorce and inadvertently give men the right and courage to abuse their wives while quoting ' Obey me, I am the head' why won't there be tales of DV, when a so-called 'man of the Clothe' preached a message saying God created woman as an after-thought, tell me why won't men behave as demi-gods??? I despair really.. For the female child!
    #DarkLorde

    ReplyDelete
  41. It’s an unnecessary story if she won’t mention the man’s name. After stating that such men should be dragged and shamed... why did she neglect to mention a name? So others won’t fall into the same pit. If you want to expose somebody, do it with your chest!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon 14:44 - You are a very cold human being.

      You think the purpose of the "story" is to expose anyone? This lady is MOURNING the untimely death of her younger sister and at the same time, using her sister's circumstances to try and make a difference in the lives of those going through similar issues.

      If you want to find out more, quickly enrol in School of Investigative Journalism when you graduate, go and find out and you need to know, then come back and tell us!

      Inside ALL this sad and dreadful minini,it is one unfortunate man's name that matters most to you?

      Delete
  42. Rest in peace C, may God give every woman passing tru abusive marriage the strength to take a walk from it. #spotremover#

    ReplyDelete
  43. Personally, I am in an abusive home as a child. I am 25years of age with parents who fight themselves daily for the past 25years,this has affected my siblings and I. I don't know what to do bcos they haven't stopped. Always abusing and fighting each other... I can't even keep a good relationship without seeing faults in people. I don't have money to move out, I am scared of accepting any marriage proposal... My mind is messed up as regards marriage.

    How do I deal with this pls..., I need help.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Please what of situations where the woman has indulged in years and years f emotional AND physical abuse? Should he take a walk or keep managing her all in the name of love?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you are in an abusive marriage or relationship be you male or female, take a walk and dont look back!

      Delete
  45. The best decision is to leave. I don't have the strength to share my story tonight but will definitely come back to do that. This story is so sad. This would have been me but that God I borrowed myself brain

    ReplyDelete

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