How do you handle living/dating such a person?
Sunday, September 13, 2020
Sunday In House Gists - Keeping Malice In A Relationship Or Marriage
Are you married to/dating someone who can win an award for keeping Malice?This person ends up being the Malice keeper whether they are right or wrong?
How do you handle living/dating such a person?
How do you handle living/dating such a person?
110 comments:
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Malice, holding a grudge is so not me. You hurt yourself more, thinking you're hurting the other person. I almost dated a guy that boasted he can keep malice. I asked him again, and he repeated it. I just told myself that starting a relationship with him will be a disaster.
ReplyDeleteU saved urself from a lot!
Deletethat was a wise decision you made Candy. Malice or passive aggression is damaging to any relationship.
DeleteBini darling, I did ooo. I don't even have energy for that.
DeleteAnon dearie, thanks. It's damaging and not healthy in any relationship or friendship.
Malice keeping was the norm in my husband's ex marriage. When we met and married and he saw how badly silent treatment affected me, like, I could literally loose my mind, he was supprise because he thought it was normal.
DeleteThen I taught him better ways to communicate and resolve issues. That was our first year of marriage. We are so good with communicating now that he recommends me to his friends who have marital issues bordering on communication.
My sister u are marrying someone else's husband. There's nothing like ex husband or ex wife. Every one should work on their marriage cos we all arent perfect. God detest divorce. Curse me all u want. Don't care
DeleteHouse of Janey dear, she remarried and happier as she told me when I insisted to have a talk with her b4 I took my final decisions. According to her, he was never her God-given husband and now married to her soul-mate.
DeleteTorh. It's been 7years this October and I have experienced fulfilment better than I thought possible.
We are fine.
Sapphire, ignore abeg.
DeleteYou get time to dey explain sef, just ignore house of Janey 😏
DeleteI will do what @Saphire did. I am currently dating a guy who only paid brideprice on his ex before they dissolved it. I told him that if i don't speak to his ex then i won't continue with him. I will stand on my ground with what you have said here.
DeleteI still stand by my words. The man or the woman involved shouldn't remarry till any of them dies. The lord also says he hates divorce. It's not justified cos she remarried. All of u are wrong. ( Malachi 2:16).
Delete@House of janey on grounds of divorce, they can both remarry.
DeleteI meant "grounds of infidelity"
DeleteKeeping malice is my weapon when I desperately want to collect something from my hubby. I don’t even know how to keep malice but I noticed that he doesn’t like it at all so I use it against him. Hopefully it doesn’t backfire one day sha
ReplyDeleteU see ya life?😃
DeleteYou are manipulating him and you know that. It's not nice. I'm sure there are other healthy ways you can get things from him.
DeleteKeeping malice in a relationship is another form of emotional abuse.
ReplyDeleteTalk it out instead of keeping malice
Exactly, it is a form of abuse and very unhealthy in relationships/marriages.
DeleteMs A,👍👌
Delete👌👌👌
DeleteMine is not dating, its about a girl I had as a friend dat can wake up n decide to keep malice for no reason. She will visit, we gist, n tomorrow she decideds to ignore ur calls n even when I go to find out whatsup..she will be behave like ogbanje, as if she dont recognize me. Then 2 days later she will visit unannounced like nothing happened. I will ask about d malice, she will say, abeg leave that thing... She did it again n I snapped, ignored her back, even when the thing clear from her eyes I ignored till today..I am d chairlady of that malice committee. Never will i be used to play 10/10. We move.
ReplyDeleteI had a secondary school classmate like that, you would laugh today and the next day she would just ignore you. I cut out from her immediately we left school, her name starts with B
DeleteMaybe she is bipolar.
DeleteOne of my child hood is like this, i deleted her number 2 years ago.
DeleteI’m like that oo.. I call it mood swings not ogbanje
DeleteI do it unintentionally
Bipolar behavior
DeleteWith my kind of husband, keep malice at ur own peril, he won't even know u are keeping malice and keeps acting like his normal self.
ReplyDeleteYou would then have no option than to either talk what is eating u up or snap out of it.
My hommie is this way lol.
DeleteThat's my husband's nature too,las las you will be the one to tell him what's eating you up.
DeleteI am quick tempered so when I am very upset with hubby, I give him the silent treatment. Most times he breaks the silence and we talk about it other times he shows me he can keep malice too but Usually it's short lived. Point is, hubby can't keep malice but I do, lol.but when he initiated a makeup, I don't do guy o, I quickly dive that opportunity Biko.
ReplyDeletemalice and silence treatment na two things I hate...I dislike people that rehearse what happened in the past over and over again...plain annoying to bring what happens months or years ago in the present....address things immediately or dont bring it up...let it go....when people aPOLOFGIZE,Forgive...bcos most people find it difficult to say I AM SORRY
ReplyDeleteYou're right, my can keep malice for weeks or months, and he has never say sorry even if his wrong, just tired of it and I'm thinking of breaking up with him
DeleteI am on this table. My husband when he is angry, says heartbreaking things to me. In turn, I would keep malice with him for weeks.
ReplyDeleteWeeks, haba? We only have 4 weeks in a month.
DeleteThis one weak me ooooo 🤷🏾♀️
Hubby can keep malice till Jesus comes...whether he is right or wrong, he likes being begged. I go shock am one day sha.
ReplyDeleteThis is the worst...expecting yo be begged. I was very foolish when i was single. He would brag about how"tough" he is that even his mother will be crying and begging him and he will not listen. We live and we learn.
DeleteMy husband is a chief malice keeper ,over the silliest things. I used to beg before but now, I just don’t even bother. It’s very tiring. I now rely on sleep aids, to help me sleep cos it was causing me sleepless nights.
DeleteAre we married to the same man.but in my case, he can keep malice i can keep malice too.we v kept malice for over a year self he was nt eating my food me i no send .he just started eating food the other day .as for sex we have not had it for a year and six month .i cant come and apologise to a man that tried sleeping with my own sister and boldly cheats.the last time he begged for sex l told him to go do hiv test ,since then guyman no talk about sex again.me ready to stay calibet for the rest of my life nonsense
DeleteI don't get? What are you still doing in the marriage? Infedility is a groynd for divorce according to the bible or you separate such an environment is very toxic how can you even call someone that tried to sleep with your sister husband he needs jesus.
DeleteNa wah, why are you still in the marriage Anonymous 19:01? God help you both, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
DeleteMy ex used to keep malice with me for days, I love communication, so he uses it as a tool for wickedness,I always want to tell him about my day and all.. he kept malice for up to 1wk, only calls to know where I am(so I don't cheat on him) when he confirms my location he ends d call, doesn't pick when I call him,one time he kept malice with me and I had moved on,he didn't believe it, begged and begged, I just told him I was done.
ReplyDeleteThats how he became an ex oh, 5yrs relationship. I'm in a better place right now. Only immature people keep malice IMO
You did well. Imagine being married to him. You would have been miserable.
DeleteSame with me. Kept malice till I just moved on he was shocked.
DeleteSame thing happened to me too, before he realized himself I had already moved on to my husband today. While hubby is the type that does not carry things in his mind, if you offend him he clears you straight up.
DeleteI don't know how to keep malice neither do I have peace of mind when someone I was close to keeps malice with me (this is the part I hate so much).
ReplyDeleteIt affects me when someone keeps malice with me, it disturbs my peace which I hate.
It gets so bad that I will have to pray to God to give me the grace to settle with the person so I can have my peace back. God has taught me so much on how to handle people that chose to keep malice with me to spite me when I did no wrong..
1. I'll talk to the person to find out what I did wrong.
2. If I'm the one at fault, I normally apologize with all honestly.
3. If I wasn't wrong at all, I'll still apologize and walk away.
This 3rd part helps me to find closure and have the peace I missed and I'm done with the person. Life goes on. If I don't do all these, I won't just have peace of mind. I've begged God to take this soft part of me away but I guess He has His reasons for making me this way which I'm still grateful for.
Sorry for the long epistle on a simple question.
Hmmm
DeleteYou are just like me, even when I actually want to retaliate and keep malice too, I'm the one that will lose sleep. My spirit will not be at peace at all, no matter how I try to ignore. So I just make peace for my own sake not because I necessarily give a hoot about the other person. Its worse when its someone I care about or someone that I see regularly.
Will I be overreacting if keep malice with my husband for inviting his ex to his mums burial? I couldn’t attend the burial because I just put to bed. He claims he didn’t invite her but sent a broadcast with the poster and she said she would be there! My annoyance is: I told him I didn’t want her there yet he couldn’t tell her not to come? She’s married by the way and she used to talk to his mum once in a while when she was alive. Please tell me if I am overreacting because I am so pissed! We have had issues because of this same woman oh I just don’t want her keeping in touch with him. Even her siblings still call my husband! This is so annoying but my husband thinks it’s not that serious.
ReplyDeleteI want to involve her husband too, let’s see if he will think it’s nothing serious too! Because my husband thinks I am being unreasonable! Please I need advice.
Hmm my dear, the Lord is your strength. They might even be gbeshing sef
DeletePlease don't cause a deeper issue in your home oh. She is enjoying peace in her own home. Don't scatter your own pls.
DeleteClamly tell your husband your mind and how you feel. Don't go and involve her husband yet, it never reach that level.
Your hubby must be a good man but he also needs to put a check on that.
Just Relax Pls and watch more.
It is serious oh. Ex should remain ex an move on and not keep coming into the picture unnecessarily. Haba, how would your husband feel if you had this kind of relationship triangle.
DeleteNsogbu adiro. Go ahead and involve her husband. Then her husband will chase her out of the marriage and she will now come for your husband with full force! U don't what's the big deal in the woman keeping in touch with your husband. Not every relationship ends on a sour note. My friend parted ways with her ex over genotype issue but till today, 20yrs after, they are still good friends. The man is still friends with her family including her parents. If any of parents dies today, the man will be there live. They are both married with kids. They don't sleep with each other or anything. They are just good friends. So madam, you better learn to ignore (unless you have adequate proof that they are still sleeping with each other), otherwise you may end up running your marriage you were seeking to protect.
DeleteInvolve her husband. If he ends the marriage and she comes for your husband, just know that something was already happening and the inevitable happened.
DeleteI don't understand that nonsense of you and your family staying in touch with an ex. Don't support that nonsense
Lmaooo...see the way u are vouching for two exes who are probably sleeping with each other while creating a friendly smoke screen for unsuspecting friends n family...you follow them bumper to bumper when they meet up or u know when they meet up, hehehehe..what my eyes have seen with married exes, hidden phone, occasional visits n hangouts with both spouses in attendance. d object someone intentionally forgets is not ordinary. if I talk, my estate table go scatter.
DeleteBurial o. Burial of a woman she probably had a good relationship with b4 you met uour husband. Burial o, where people come to pay their last respect to the dead and you think its up to you to invite or restrict anyone's attendance? Your level of insecurity is sky high nne.
DeleteI agree Saphire, this lady needs some mental health intervention. So because you are married to her ex she shouldn’t be at his mothers burial, who she was close to. You are sick in the head and you should focus on resolving those your issues you carry about from past relationships. If you try to scatter her home of which she did nothing to you, I pray she snatches that your husband that is like god in your eyes. Don’t go and find work to do. See the matter you are obsessing about.
DeleteYou’re overreacting a lot and I hope it doesn’t cost you. You have no reason to suspect anything, at least not yet. The ex was speaking to your mother in law while she was alive so it nothing wrong to want to attend the burial.
DeleteIf you have other reasons to be suspicious, then keep your eyes open and gather evidence. But as for this burial, nothing is there
Saphire dont worry, shebbi your husband has ex wife abi...We hope you live by what you type on SM.
DeleteShe is long remarried and I am way too busy to worry about her. Meanwhile, we are cool and respect eachother. To the best of my knowledge, she is a responsible woman so don't worry about us, ok?
DeleteSapphire I don't blame you, sebi na person husband you marry. Rada rada, aeon Oni shinaa, mtcheeeeeeeeeelw 😏
DeletePlease, run away from people like this. They will abuse you emotionally. It's a torture. They are immature and don't know how to handle situations. In fact , some of them are never faithful partners, once they have a rift with their partner, they lock up and switch to other people. They are able to keep malice for months because they are talking and sleeping with other people. If you are dating someone like this, and they refuse to change...Run.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you are like this, it's not worth it tormenting someone you claim to love. Sit down and talk things out.Build your communication skills. Stop saying your partner likes you that way. It's a lie, everyone gets tired!I have been in such relationship, it was terrible. He loved me, but anger and malice overshadowed the relationship. Love is beautiful between two mature adults.
Oh! Forgot to add. Once we have a misunderstanding, he blocks me on WhatsApp and Fb. So funny, but it was not funny back then. Most of these people have deep seated issues they need to address. Abusive upbringing or so.
DeleteI used to be like this, my hubby was so sad about it, when I’m not talking to him he is unable to do anything, he is disorganized and so bothered but me I no send, so far as I have data, I no de miss anybody, but after some time he became stronger, he started ignoring me too 😂 but he still can’t do that for long, since our kids are growing and beginning to understand stuff like that, I’ve stopped it entirely, I’ve stopped keeping malice, I just state my anger and let it go plus I’ve grown to love him more and more and wouldn’t want to see him hurt like those days I didn’t care. Malice and pride go hand in hand sha, as a single girl I had so many toasters so I no send any guy, if you misbehave I move to the next toaster and be living my best life, no time to beg any man, thank God I married someone that loves me more and is peaceful if not this our marriage fit don pack up, but I’m glad I’ve grown and learned and stopped that hurtful behavior
DeleteI could have sworn i typed this😂😂😂😂.
DeleteAnonymous 15:32, are you me? Is you me, are me you ? Looks like I typed that 👆🏾 there 😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteIf u keep malice with my husband, u are just doing urself. Guy man doesn't care. #5 he no go give u. I have never seen a man dat is so emotionless and careless abt people around him. I don keep malice tired no show,even stop sex he no still send.Fear all this spiricoco church guys, they will drain ur happiness and leave dry.I pray I summon d courage to just run very far away from him with my kid without him knowing. I want him to be broken to that he will search for all for the rest of his life. Ones more fear all those guys that can pray for 10hours nonstop.Funny enough he doesn't cheat.
ReplyDeleteAnon u just described my husband after he will start praying prayers that indirectly include me, I am already hating him so much sometimes I feel like going away, my advice to singles run from these so called spiritual men cos they will always believe u r among the enemies chasing them wen u hv issue very manipulative humans
DeleteYou just described my ex hubby, he will totally ignore you o, he no just send me, in his words, if I can’t take his cheating I can leave the marriage that he is not begging me and I eventually left, e shock am o, he thought the usual me will call and settle but I’ve moved on, 3 months later he called me and said he has decided to give me a second chance(not that he is sorry o or begging me, he was still prouding), that I should think about the second chance and call him when I’m ready, I just laughed and ignored him, what he didn’t know was that I had just met a young rich guy that took me on a vacation and spoilt me silly, I never knew I could be loved that way , this guy spoilt me and my little baby with everything money could buy (in his words, I just want you to be happy and forget your ex, he knew my ex btw) I knew that was the end of that marriage and I was extremely happy.
DeleteE go backfire oooo i hate malice wth my last blood
ReplyDeleteMy hubby wasn't a malice type while dating but now he used malice and starvation to punish the children and i when he is angry
ReplyDelete😔
DeleteStarvation kwa!!! His own children?!
DeleteStarvation as punishment? Very bad
DeleteOk, your case calls for a serious intervention. Malice and starvation? That’s sick. He must be extremely controlling. Do you not have anyone that can call him to order?
DeleteThis is abuse you are describing.
DeleteThat's very heartless of him.
DeleteDon't mind those (fake) malice keepers
ReplyDeleteWhen they are horny at night, they will finish work
and continue with malice in the morning.
Is that one malice? 😏😏😏😏😏
This comment cracked my ribs no be Small 😂🤣
Delete😂😂😂
Delete🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂, and you sef give am. Omg this is so funny 😂🤣😂🤣😃
DeleteI forgot, there's a relative who keeps malice with his 6 year old twin boys...😁 if they annoy him. The wife would plead on their behalf n even call my dad to talk to him... cos the boys don't understand why their dad is ignoring them.
ReplyDeletePetty😑
No shit
Delete😁😁 That's beyond petty. He needs fixing.
DeletePetty
DeleteUmmmm 🤨, he sure needs help.
DeleteThis serious o, that man needs help.
DeleteThis serious o, that man needs help.
DeleteMy husband sits on this table. He will never initiate peace making and I always have to apologise. Just found out that he cheated on me while I was pregnant and attended several functions with her. This is someone my mum adores and thinks he is the best guy out there. Found pictures of them carefully hidden on his laptop, took a picture and sent to him so it appears as though someone sent it. My hubby was not sorry, infact he was upset that I saw it and was only bothered about who sent it. In his words, he just wants to know who his enemies are. I'm so broken that I haven't been myself in weeks and human no send me. This is someone that I have made so much sacrifice for which he takes with a pinch of salt. I would have loved to report him to his eldest sister whom he fears so they can see him for who he really is but she's a whistleblower and I'm afraid it will bounce back on me. Plus hubby hates third party involvement and it might even break my marriage. I'm so hurt right now that I have prayed and prayed but I can cant seem to forgive him.
ReplyDeleteThis is my husband o, he ll keep malice if you catch him red handed. Never apologizes for anything, if he manages to initiate peace, just know that quarrel is waiting for you in front. He ll fight with you over any little thing, so you ll end up apologizing to him. 9f you are sick and he isn’t talking to you , on your is your case.Very wicked childish man.
Delete🤗🤗🤗🤗 @ Mummy F and Anon 18:00, may God come through for you both.
DeleteKai, these men are damaged goods!!!
DeleteHis own kids??? That's some weird shit. He is not a father ...he is a lunatic. I hope they don't grow up hating and ignoring them too.
ReplyDeleteHim*
ReplyDeleteSometimes I want to go far away but then I look at my kids and I don't want any drama for them.
ReplyDeleteMummy F sending you e-hugs. To be betrayed is one of the most painful experiences to pass through but you will be fine.
DeletePls find a reason to be Joyful. Change your prayer point.... Ask God to restore your Joy and heal you.
This dark season will pass. Be strong dear 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
I really pray God Comes through for you honestly.
DeleteThis is so heartbreaking, May God lead you on how best to handle this .
Xoxo 😘 😘 😘
Sending you hugs and kisses. May those ladies have no peace
DeleteIt’s a crazy behavior. Very abusivr and these people cannot take what they dish. My capable malice keeping ex, kept malice and I moved on. He’s been back begging his life out. I don’t trust him anymore and I can not allow that disruptive behavior back in my life because it affects me very badly. With this new guy things are just moving so well and fast for me. With the other guy, instead of focusing on important things in my life I will be thinking of a useless relationship. Please dump malice keepers, they are energy sappers with their negative energy.
ReplyDeleteMy fiance can "die" when i give him silent treatment. He hates it with passion and also told me so. Now we communicate when we have issues and things are going on fine now. I believe keeping malice when hurt is a petty and childish thing to do. But each to his own Sha because some men will not succumb to a woman's demand until she keeps malice with him.
ReplyDeleteI used to date a guy who can keep malice for Africa! Once his attitude comes on, he'll start texting 'hi'. His silent treatment game is so annoying, when I talk to him about it, he'll feign ignorance like nothing happened. Emotional manipulation at it's peak. I walked away for my sanity sake abeg.. hypocrite!!
ReplyDeleteMy Husband of 22 years can keep malice for Africa. It used to bother me but I learnt to live with it. When he starts, I just ignore him and face my life and my children. We have gone months without communicating. But Mr. Man does not keep malice with sex. He will do it and continue keeping malice. Who does that? He stopped eating any food I cook over two years ago - all in an attempt to keep malice. Me, I stopped cooking for him. Who has time for nonsense? I have three wonderful children, a wonderful job and my own money. When he is tired of the marriage he can move out of the house. I'm tired of him already. Very wicked man.
ReplyDeleteThis really bothers and scares me,been married for 17 years and he hasn't changed and i m worried my kids will start noticing. The painful thing is that he keeps malice over trivial issues.I m tired of praying to God to change him, instead i pray for him to strengthen me and make me immune to his behaviour.
DeleteMy Dear, I'm the anonymous at 20.53. Learn to ignore him. You must make up your mind that nobody will make you unhappy. Just make sure you have your own money and your children are well taken care of. And of cos, step up in your spiritual life. Pray for him but make yourself happy.
DeleteI like to be really quiet when i am really really mad. I prefer to talk when am calmer,it could be a few hours later or maybe the next day..Now a few times it has been assumed am giving silent treatment but talking at such times could backfire as some regretful words could be said
ReplyDeleteReading this brought back memories. Back then in school during my university days, I lived with my cousin whom I shared a bed with. She would wake up one morning and decide to keep malice with me for no reason. It went on for years then one day i had a picnic which was coming up soon, i wanted it to be a surprise cos she would love the idea. As usual the ogbanje in her made her not to talk to me during the period I was to embark on my picnic with some friends. Me I kuku didnt disturb her. On the day of my trip,she left home early,I was glad cos I didn't want her to know what was up. I quickly got dressed and left cos i had already packed without her knowing. It was a 3 days trip. I had so much fun on the trip, so when I got back she started asking me where I went to, I started forming Malice, she was so frustrated, then she started seeing posts on facebook. She was like am wicked that I didnt inform her that she would have joined us, that was when I asked her to shut up, I asked her why she would be in a good mood this minute and the next she is keeping malice. she said she had a dream that her dad died , I now asked her if I was the cause of his death in her said dream? She said no .I also asked her about the numerous times she kept malice with me she couldn't say anything. Some people are possessed periodt.
ReplyDeleteThere's this overinflated egomaniac I was briefly married to. So full of hot air and a sense of imagined superiority, he would talk like a lunatic when guests visited, interrupt every living thing, just to hear himself talk and always slyly seeking compliments despite being such a basic boy.
ReplyDeleteMalice is his name. I kid you not, the rearranged letters of his name is malice.
He would then be walking with his stout neck stretched to accommodate his large head tilted back, as he points his chin to the ceiling. Swinging his pot belly about and singing psalms. If YOU ignore him right back, he'd wake you in the middle of the night to complain and blame you for his unhappiness.
I gave him gbas gbos and took my joy and peace back, by the grace of God.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 okay, tew much. How does one swing a potbelly? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteHahah,you are so funny anon.I like your type,give him double dose of what he called for, nonsense.
DeleteStella please put this as funny comment,lol.See how she described her hubby,omg😁
DeleteWhen I noticed my wantedto start keeping malice,u quickly told him we r married cos we loved eachother n are supposed to make each other happy always but the moment that happiness is no longer there,I will just pack my baggage n leave. I wantyowbe happy for the remaining part of the my life. I have suffered enough to still get married n face suffering. Will rather stay on my own than be in a toxic marriage.
ReplyDeleteSome of your comments on this space are annoying.
ReplyDelete