Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Saturday, October 24, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...










 





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BOYFRIEND WITH AN EX THAT WONT LET GO



Dear stella. I'm in pains writing you this at 12:57 am Nigerian time. I'm depressed and I need your help.


It's a long read so please pardon me. But first of all thanks for all you do. I am a 25 year old lady currently dating a guy (let's call him J) . I met him about a year ago when things were not looking good for me and he comforted me and showed me love. About that same time I was working in a good firm where I was given an accommodation, but I refused to give in to my married boss' s#xual harassments(he's known for sleeping with his staff and finding a flimsy reason to discard them from work ) , so I resigned and also lost my accommodation.



 I couldn't go back home as my parents are separated and didn't want to be a burden to my mum who has health issues.


J asked me to move in with him, I did and he started taking responsibility for my every need. I got uncomfortable and started job hunting, J finally found me a job(tho not as juicy as the first). I was happy working and saving so I can move out. 


News came of my mum's health crisis, I had to send home all I saved. J was unhappy that I wanted to move out from his house. (I stay in a high brow city so rent money is not beans) He over pampers me in his house, doesn't allow me to do anything. Even now I'm working I send all my money home and he took up every of my responsibility. 


I found out he was still in contact with his ex he once told me how she cheated and pleaded and he forgave her. I noticed he was still seeing her. I was heartbroken and confronted him, he begged and promised to let her go. After that incident, I immediately went on birth control (secretly) as I couldn't risk having a child in such uncertainty. I moved to my colleague's house.

 Her cousins moved in so I had to move out . Note that all my salary was going home (mum's health). J heard and said I should come back. I did. 
We resumed dating.


Throughout the Lockdown, we were together, my office didnt open so we spent all the time together. We bonded and i found out how caring, loving a man he is. I had serious anger issues, even hit him many times over trivial issues, but he didnt take offense. Instead he introduced me to his friend who is a psychologist and I really improved after therapy.


 I never believed in this life that I could calm down. My dad abandoned us when I was a baby. So I grew up praying for God to give me a man that will be a father to me. Stella after the lockdown, he took me to his family as the woman he wants to marry. 


They even started the iju ese process(a tradition in igbo land that requires asking about the family and history of a prospective spouse) and fixed date to come see my people . Everything continued to be perfect till I discovered he was still seeing that his ex. I confronted him again. He then opened up that it was difficult for him to just dump her as they went very far in their relationship and were still dating when he met me. 


And he was heartbroken when he saw my contraceptive pills. That he felt I didnt take him serious to want to have a baby with him hence his ex reunion. That he has made up his mind to spend his life with me but I have to give him a little time to sort her off. I went livid in disbelief. 


 He obviously still has s#x with her and they still keep up with activities going on in each other's lives. His Facebook history is filled with search of her profile. I've stopped having s#x with him . she comes to visit him when I'm not there and she knows me. I've been applying for other jobs and finally I got a juicy job in another city..(he doesn't know about this) But the project doesn't start till February next year. 


My best bet would have been move home, but I want to be managing this job and supporting mum till February. And I'm still in his house.(renting another place is not realistic now) He has been behaving extraordinary good these days. Spent a lot of money to enroll me in a professional course. Making marriage plans, Our mutual friends says I should 'FIGHT' for the relationship. Mumsy says his good attributes are hard to find. But honestly stella and bvs I am tired and don't think I can do this.

 I just need an advice. My head is not clear right now. Thank you.

Did I mention that this so called ex once saw me and started famzing me. She even asked to visit me. one certain time he traveled . I agreed. But that day, I lost interest so I told her not to come again. She knows me and is always denying having anything to do with him






*Hmmmmm,from the time description shows you live in the diaspora......


Well at least you know his ex and know its only this one so you can sort him and give him ultimatum and walk if you give him one last chance and he doesnt change....Dont just give up on love and walk away,the next one might be worse.....work things OUT and make sure the she is history before you marry him.....
Some women are shameless,they will be gbenshing a man and calling him Uncle and famzing his babe...hisssss.

Good luck babe!!!

99 comments:

  1. This is a tough one. No matter how much you fight for this man, since he's a willing partner in his relationship with his ex. That ex will always be a shadow hanging over your marriage.

    He will be a good husband and father to you and his future kids, but when you are so engrossed with pregnancy, childbirth and taking care of the kids, he will seek for succour in the arms of his ex , and who's to say they won't get back together and leave you with caring for his children, while he fulfils his role as their father and leaves you sexually high and dry?

    If you were the one two-timing, how would he take it.

    Don't let his caring nature becloud your judgement on his cheating.

    Don't settle for less with your eyes wide open.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nawa o! This one pass my power o.It's left for you to choose to stay or vamoose...

      Delete
    2. Please fight for your love,don't give up.

      Delete
    3. No words! Be using they said he's the best man and be deceiving yourself.

      Do you know what he told his babe about you? Maybe to her you are a helpless family friend that needed shelter. Be there!

      He told you about her because side chics MUST know their madam.

      Being extra nice my foot. He knows the game!

      Delete
    4. He was with her and you snatched. Now we should feel sorry for you?

      Delete
    5. Pls fight for your man. Let him forget his ex. Fight for your man. I am married and if all you said is true this are signs of a husband material. Cause his cheating ? Lol. That one ma small thing abegi. Distance will do you both good. Cut off Comms with the lady. She's using you. Cause she knows he has moved on with you. Wake Up.

      Delete
    6. All this girls telling you to leave him would snatch him 🀣. In a relationship you use your head not your heart. Same girls on this same blog would say don't leave your eggs in one basket till you are hitched. Same girls will tell you to leave a man had you say shows you love cause he cheated. Truth is the girl would be in his life for awhile but typical of men to get over exes especially when you bring in your A game. Between you have no reason to ever have a discuss with the ex. Stop checking up on his status. Do yourself and glam up your status. Let him chase you. This girls sef.

      Delete
    7. For me poster cheating is a deal breaker. And you seem to already be in sifia pains, chei! Why is he not marrying his ex? Is the question you should be asking. If he eventually marries you, and there are no guarantees he would, know that you have already taught him you are amenable to cheating.

      Delete
  2. My friend RUN away from that J or whatever he is!!! When you marry him prepare to write 5 A4 papers of chronicles.. still sleeping with his ex??? How disrespectful could this be explained

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Girl, prioritize your needs in a man. Cheating is bad but all of us have different capacity of tolerance. If this is within your capacity, I would advise you play the game and floor this ex. He is worth it from all you have written. If he was a lay-about, beater, broke and lousy man now, then I will tell you he isn't worth it. Meanwhile, this girl cheated on him in the past and he forgave her. That is not a quality easy to find. It shows he has a large heart so, yes, bring in your A game such that he will not remember her.

      Marry him.

      Delete
  3. Dear poster,if they have a history together, believe me,she will keep being in your face. He will never ever cut ties with her. It's either you accept him that way or you move forward. I am saying this cus of a friends experience with this same situation...

    ReplyDelete
  4. It’s disgusting how some ladies will know a man is in serious relationship and yet secretly sleeping with the same man.
    Poster believe me it won’t stop even after you marry him, and it can be emotionally draining so I will advise you leave him. Except if you’re emotionally strong enough to handle it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really disgusting.

      Delete
    2. Go and read again. He was dating the ex in quote when this one came in. This one stole the guy and want permanent residence

      Delete
    3. What do you mean stole? So who is now doing hide and seek game? The ex is shamelessly desperate

      Delete
    4. The ex-girlfriend cheated on J according to this Chronicle.
      It's J that CHOSE to date poster and still cheats on her with his ex.

      J lacks self-discipline.

      Poster, you are young and probably not hard, if not you could go ahead, marry J and use his good qualities to reign him or deal with him (only a kid or two, build a good career and financial independence).

      Delete
  5. You saw a guy that is into you like this and you are doing what I dont know...
    He will soon leave you and marry someone else!..
    Trust me not even the ex sef cos he is done with her...
    This is so many girls prayer point..in fact drop his number abeg...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks queen and boss, if you leave him, he'd still not marry that ex, she has the yes or no button in her hand and he's hanging on because he feels pity for her. Men don't reason the way women do

      Delete
    2. Lol... his no for what exactly 😳

      Delete
    3. He is into her and disrespecting her? Women sef! Fish brains! Even if he gives her the world, it means nothing. A man who is a giver is a giver

      Delete
    4. Anon 17:22, loud it so those behind can hear! God bless you. Some of the mindset here shows what you're dealing with in life. Y'all can't give what you clearly lack. He's husband material yen yen. A man who loves you will NEVER disrespect you by cheating. Poster, use your tongue to count your teeth.

      Delete
    5. Anon 17:22 I tire. I no even fit talk again because only women will clearly see A but delude themselves to believe it is B. There are a lot of pick mes in this blog that will come for you if you manage to tell them the bitter truth so me I'm not advising again. Anything they like they do and anything they see at the end they take it. Advising women is a waste of time cus like u said , fish brain esp when dickmatized

      Delete
  6. Poster the guy really loves you. But men will be men. Cheating is their forte...But truth be told, you're the person he lives, lives with and wants to settle with. If I were I'll marry him. But first, he has to break up with his ex once and for all and in my presence. Im married, im sure my husband cheats but I don't know whoever he cheats with so I don't care...But God forbid I ever know them and give him time to sort it out with the person bla bla...that one na insult upon the injury. I can't pretend you're faithful so long as I don't know who u cheating with talk more of the person famzing me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't tag all men with the cheating badge. It's not true.

      Delete
    2. So because he wants to marry her and live with her now, he loves her. El ol El. Pls men, come and tell me I am wrong.

      Delete
    3. Don't Mind them twins squared.
      That is how they will be lumping all men in the same basket like they can take it if same is done to them. Kilode gan gan.

      They will still put you in the 1℅ category if you say you are different and tell you you with stupid confidence that you will still cheat in the future like they are seers or tell you, you have a low libido like they have had a taste before or say you are not wealthy.

      They generalize men but will never accept their gender being generilized.

      They push the all men are cheats narrative so bad like they wish and can't wait to have a cheat in their lives .

      Ejoor Love is not enough ooo. A guy should respect you along with the love he claims he has for you. Love without respect is nonsense. Love a man and don't bother respecting him and see how he will replace you fast.

      Delete
    4. Please speak for the men you know. Not all men cheat.It's called love of God, discipline and self control.

      Delete
  7. Poster the guy really loves you. But men will be men. Cheating is their forte...But truth be told, you're the person he lives, lives with and wants to settle with. If I were I'll marry him. But first, he has to break up with his ex once and for all and in my presence. Im married, im sure my husband cheats but I don't know whoever he cheats with so I don't care...But God forbid I ever know them and give him time to sort it out with the person bla bla...that one na insult upon the injury. I can pretend you're faithful so long as I don't know who u cheating with talk more of the person famzing me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The guy loves her and keeps a side chick, what's your definition of love please?

      Delete
    2. Egbami ke aunty e haff do. Se ti gbo?

      No wonder... your husband cheats you think all men are like him. Stop using your husband as a measure for all men. All men don't have the same upbringing and lifestyle nitori olorun. If I hear all men cheat once again from your mouth or any other woman i may forget all my home training and put the low self-esteem babe who says it in her place.

      Delete
    3. Stupid talk!

      Delete
    4. @ poster, what kind of advice do you expect to get from a lady whose husband cheats? As if it isn't bad enough, she has normalized it. Dear 15:19, only God can save you.
      I repeat, a man who loves you will NEVER cheat on you.
      @ poster, i don't know what's a deal breaker for you. We all have our individual limits. If cheating is, please leave for your peace of mind. Forget naysayers here saying he's assistant Jesus. A better man will locate you. If cheating isn't, stick with him.
      Goodluck darling.

      Delete
    5. Huh?.wtf did I just read? Tingz dey really occur this 2020 na why women dey talk like say man wan finish for this life. Hard times. So people are really clinging for dear life to any man

      Delete
  8. Sis, you're on a situationship. Be careful before his ex poisons and kills you. You know what to do in your heart. Follow your heart

    ReplyDelete
  9. You just discovered one thing he hid from you, what other things has he hidden all these while?
    Does he have a child somewhere that you do not know of? And he is freaking out over pills? Really, what do you ladies take as a man being caring, loving, is it that he has sex with you and gives you money for all your needs? So he can keep other women and have sex with them and come and infect you for life and he is loving and "good?" If you go ahead and marry this man, you saw that you have a cowife and dived in. Do not blame him when the other lady fill his house with kids.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Babe I really feel your pain and disappointment. I appreciate the betrayal you feel right now but in all I think you should give this guys one more chance. He has been nice to you and I feel that should count for something, some fire don’t go out easy especially when the ex is still very much on his case but I advise you ensure all is sorted out before any marriage happens. FYI I am not a team we-die-here but I believe in fairness. Plenty love darling.

    ReplyDelete
  11. 1. Give your life to Christ.
    2. Stop sleeping with him.
    3. Break the relationship up, if he is destined to be yours he’ll clean his mess up to be with you.
    4. Stop depending on him financially and start being dependent on God, though it will be difficult adjusting but stop if you want peace of mind.
    5. Fast and pray against foundational problems and your anger issues, it’s already draining you as it is

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hmmmm. Poster, please don't marry J. You will regret it as he will not leave his ex, not now not ever. He is marrying you probably because you are the one that can cope with him or do what the "supposed ex" could not do, and not because he loves you. He still loves her.
    N:B to women: not all men marry women out of love. The fact that a man chose you out of other 2/3 women does not mean he loves you most. How I wish I can send Stella a story to elaborate this. It's a pity that many women are in a loveless marriage because the man that married them don't love and respect them.

    Poster, he will never stop contacting his ex and he will continue to paint her bad in ur presence. Just pray the ex gets married ( marriage is not even a guarantee that he would stop being in her business).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 3Amigos Bread @ 6 Okesalu St, Ikotun. 0813851632824 October 2020 at 17:25

      “ not all men marry women out of love. The fact that a man chose you out of other 2/3 women does not mean he loves you most”. FACT

      Men are very intentional and most times logical when it comes to marriage. It’s usually women that will be screaming love from here to France while the man will marry the one he gets whatever he wants in life from. Doesn’t necessarily mean he loves her, but there’s a need she is or will fulfill for him eventually. It’s not always about love for many of them. Some do marry out of love but many of them don’t. That’s why you more often than not come across cases where a woman will curse out all her loved ones, abandon them and give up her career/life to please her husband or “build him up” but the reverse is rarely the case. They tend to be intentional and logical in certain cases eg marriage, relationships, their career etc.

      Poster, deep down you already know the answer to your question. Above all, ask God to give you your soulmate. He will do it.

      Delete
    2. The ex would still be there. Wait the relationship out, don't end it yet. Come february go to your job and start dating someone there..
      Don't keep all your eggs in one basket.

      Don't break up yet. Wait it out. You need to act smart not irrationally. You need him now so chill till you are on your feet

      Delete
    3. I'm happy to see that women are waking up. That is why I am amused when someone get heartbroken that their ex married another woman. Sis u don't even know why he married her. Maybe he is gaining from her financially. If u were evil, do u know u can even disrupt that marriage the way this guys ex is disrupting this woman's relationship. Some women don't know their power sha n it really pains me

      Delete
  13. Disgusting EX, if I were u, I would detach emotionally or pretend to still be In love till my job commences n boom, I leave. Men plenty, same with women. You will always meet someone better or worse, dont manage a bad situation. That ex will always open legs for him even if she is married, I know those kinda loose women, they dont stop at all. So strong him along same way he is stringing u along. Na man, he wont stop cheating, dont mind him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Black
      What do you mean by "na man he won't stop cheating?" If a man made that comment about us women, you will scream, "not all women...?" Why not talk about the case before you. She submitted herself to whoredom and she should face the consequences or give her life to Christ to deal with it for her.

      Delete
    2. When it comes to cheating, there is no winner...married n single NO CAP. Times have changed

      Delete
    3. I didn't want to comment because of my bad phone.
      @Poster, God knows that "J" is/was deceiving you that's why he gave you a job so that you won't lack n depend on men. A job in another city probably you might meet another guy better than him there. No matter the sweet mouth, don't leave that job.
      2. They went through hard times together. Do you know if they had a child and hiding it from you? Hey, you don't know what he might have been telling that ex about you. Wise up and the fact that you stop having sex with him, kudos.
      3. Don't fight for any relationship, a man that truly love a lady won't disrespect her. He will always have conscience in whatever he's doing. Don't have a child for him, close that legs like a mermaid. Manage till Feb n move out, no carry🀰🏼 and if he's still serious about the marriage when you relocate, tell him that its up to him that you cant start a marriage on cheating foundation. You deserve better and pray for wisdom. God's gift is always perfect.

      Delete
  14. Poster,check well oo before marrying him. That was how I was made a baby mama because my baby daddy decided to go back to his ex ,his reason is that they went through a lot together. I will send in my chronicle one day.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Some people are sent to you for certain reasons. You said he has made you a better person and he's been very good to you. These are exceptional traits, however, his indecisive and not so straightforward nature is a big deal. The way he's so kind to you is the same way he's also kind to the other babe, that's why she can't seem to let go. He's one of those Mr. Nice guys, that know how to sweep a woman off her feet completely. I think you should step back from the relationship for a while, let him choose who he wants to be with. If he's insisting on being with you, he should cut ties with that lady. If he loves, respect, and wants to keep you, it should not be a problem. I don't even understand he how allows a lady he's sleeping with is to show her face you and act all nice around you Don't mind your friends. There's nothing to fight for. If he loves you, he should stick to you. Marriage doesn't change people, if you go on to marry him with all that's on ground, trust me, the guy will have two families, cheating on his wife, and she will be unsuspecting because of his nice nature. Try to see if you can get a place and give him some time. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is truth.πŸ‘†πŸ»

      Delete
    2. Poster read this and Re-read.

      Being Nice and Being in love is not the same ooo

      Delete
    3. But he promised her before, yet he was still seeing her secretly.

      Delete
    4. The guy has fulfiled a purpose...

      To help and make you a better person...

      Delete
  16. If he was my fiance, I will do below. Its not a good foundation. Dont marry him yet, get your job, move out and see if he changes, if you move out and his love leave your heart, leave him, but honestly good guys hard to find

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A guy who is still seeing his ex n lying about it is a good guy? Am I reading that right

      Delete
  17. My advise to you is don’t break up yet and don’t move out either since you can’t afford to, prayerfully watch the relationship from now till when next February when you will start your new job as that is when you will have a new lease on life, new environment, sufficient money to sustain yourself etc.

    If he hasn’t sorted himself out with this lady by then, then move on, you have “fought” for the relationship enough, you need to tell him that it’s his own time to start fighting his excesses and he has from now till January (don’t expose the exact timeline and the job details).

    Don’t ever give a human being a free pass to do whatever they like thinking you will always be there because they are nice to you, if he doesn’t love you enough to discipline himself and cut off that lady after all this while, then, thank him for all the love and care and LEAVE!!! Don’t listen to those that will say it rains everywhere, it rains continuously on those that are afraid to build their own shelter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @15:42
      Please remove that "prayerfully" from your comment. Praying to which god? The girl is living with and having sex a man that has not married her for goodness sake.

      Delete
  18. What if the supposed ex was never an ex? Poster, your last paragraph is an evidence that she is not in any competition with you and she is not seeing you as a threat ( red flag). On the other way round, you (the fiancee) is seeing the supposed ex as a threat.

    Two things are possible here.1) She is okay with her position and she will always be in the picture. 2) she knows your man loves her and respect her more than he loves you. Don't be surprised if your man is taking tutorials on how to deal with your excesses, how to run his home and cope with the relationship from her. She might even be the one advising him on how to treat you well. I won't be surprised if she gave her blessings on his wanting to get married to you. Trust me on this. If you can cope with this, marry him but get ready for emotional torture.

    He is still so much entangled with her( his Facebook history says a lot about this). If you want to fight for him, he will change for a while, badmouth the babe for you and put you on cruise but immediately he marries you, you will know whtsup. He will taunt you well and ask you why you married him knowing fully well how much he was still involved with the ex. The ball is in your court tho.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He RESPECTS NONE OF THEM @Prudent Tabitha.

      Good advice, though.

      Poster, move on to your new job. Forget J.
      Marriage is a long journey from your age 25. His cheating will frustrate you before your 1st anniversary.

      Delete
    2. So because they sin they shouldn't pray to God? Sorry to bust your bubble but you aint God, YOU CAN NEVER BE GOD, YOU CAN NEVER THINK FOR GOD, HIS WAYS ARE NOT YOUR WAY. pray do tell, Are you their maker? The same way and image that God made you is how God made them. Please Jesus came for sinners and yes all sinners can pray to God for he stands at your door never leaving your side, HE ALONE IS RIGHTEOUS AND WITHOUT SIN.

      Delete
    3. Lol... Keep living in sin and justifying yourself. Even the Bible says the prayers of a sinner are an abomination to God.. He is merciful and yes answers in his mercy but you cannot be actively in sin and be confident he will answer

      Delete
    4. Anon 22:50 πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

      Delete
    5. We sin,pray and stop it. But when you don't stop it nkooo?

      Delete
    6. Anon 00.01. I can't be a sinner and living in sin when he paid the price for me, when his blood washes me and i am the RIGHTEOUS OF GOD. my point is never you tell anyone that because they sin therefore they can't pray. You are not their God and they don't pray to you. You don't EVER condemn them. God leaves the 99 EVERY SINGLE TIME and is worried for this one lost sheep. (2) some of you think sexual sins are the only sins nope they are not. NO MAN/WOMAN is without sin. You may now live in christ and live as he lives so i expect that you encourage sinners to embrace Jesus and the love that comes from knowing him, surely one day their repentance will come. God does not want ANYONE to perish. GOD IS LOVE.

      Delete
  19. If he sincerely wants to cut ties with his ex, he will. That's one thing about men who are "woman wrapper" or weak willed. It's a GENERAL weakness...

    If he loved you enough he will give her up because you are enough for him. If the tables were turned, would he tolerate your ex man in your life??

    Honey please Dont mistake generosity or care as a complete show of love, especially when a man displays this. Men generally show love by giving their RESPECT. He loves you but not enough...

    ReplyDelete
  20. His excuse for not trusting you because you use pills is flimsy. He is using reverse psychology on you. I love the way you prevented yourself from getting pregnant, it shows you are in control of your life. I'm proud of you.

    ReplyDelete
  21. You better stay there and ignore the ex. My husband get side chick but shishi no gum am . But I ignore her and it’s working for me.

    ReplyDelete
  22. My own advice is this"Don't ever think of getting close or becoming a good friend with this ex o because you are practically digging your own grave if you do". Keep her at arm's length and say hi from a distance. But truth be told,it is really difficult for him to let go especially if they share alot together but he needs to set boundaries on his own side. The guy seem like a good guy so please have a heart to heart talk with him and also pray fervently to God to show you the way to go.

    ReplyDelete
  23. But poster you said J told you he was dating her when he met you, how is she Ex???

    ReplyDelete
  24. Maybe him and his ex have genotype issue and he thought of staying with you. Because it still seems like he loves her but can't be with her for some beyondtheir control. If she cheated on him trust me he wont want to have anything to do with her.but he still wants her.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Madam, see the handwriting on the wall and leave. He's just too cowardly to leave you. He wants you to be the one to do it for him.

    If you know you can't be an Annie Idibia, leave

    ReplyDelete
  26. Poster calm down and take Stella's advice

    ReplyDelete
  27. Dear Friend,
    Marriage is not a prize!!!!!! Read that again and process it: 'Marriage is not a prize!!!! Being happily married with no interference from a third party is the real prize.
    If you marry this guy, that ex will be a 'constant' in your life. There will be three parties in that marriage: you, her and J. Can you deal with that? He loves her, he loves her so fiercely and is addicted to her honeypot that he cannot let go, even if it means losing you. Remember he let you go the first time? He is only using your situation as a bargaining chip and advantage to get you back into his life. You're the 'wife material' and his ex is the 'unfit, but intensely desirable woman'. You're 25, Can you live the next 25 years with this guy and this ex in your face and your life? Your friend says you should fight for your love, right? How many more years are you willing to spend fighting for a man who is madly in love with a woman who he probably doesn't want to marry, but whom he is unwilling to let go of?

    With you he finds safety and security, but with her he finds passion, excitement and satisfaction. Wouldn't you want to be with a man who finds his ALL in you. With this man you will always second guess yourself. You will always ask yourself why am I not enough and you will always be unhappy.

    One day, he will have the courage to go to his ex and he will leave you broken, frustrated and a single mother.
    The things he has done for you are not soooo special, these are things I can do for a person that I like not necessarily love and a person I am sleeping with. He is a nice person and nice people can make you think they are in love. Being married to a nice person offers no guarantee of happiness, what counts are principles, commitment, discipline and fear of God.just as he has been nice to you, so also will he be nice to others. Don't go into a life of misery, don't act like a woman without options. MOVE THE HELL ON!!!!!!!! Life starts at 25!!!!!!

    Men sometimes marry the godly, homely woman, just so they can have peace, they keep the one their hearts truly beat for outside their homes, that's why infidelity never stops.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster, read this well and digest it. Thank you Anon for saying it the way it is. I'll forward the link of this post to someone in this same situationship but unfortunately for that my friend, she eventually married the man and she's emotionally drained in that Marriage. Her hubby married her cos she's the wife material but he is so much in love with the other lady outside. It sounds crazy right but this shit happens.

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    2. 3Amigos Bread @ 6 Okesalu St, Ikotun. 0813851632824 October 2020 at 17:41

      Here 🍾 🍾 🍾🍾 πŸ₯‚, it’s on me. Is your second name Apt by any chance? 😎😎😎

      Delete
    3. Anon 17.03 the last paragraph is the truth and nothing but the truth

      Delete
  28. Poster please take the advice of twin square,that ex will keep been on you guys matter and faces all the time cos he is still interested in her.

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  29. J is a nice man, but he is not a good man. You don't just need a nice man, you need a principled, disciplined, honest, considerate and good man.

    Why did he start a relationship with you when he hadn't ended the one with his ex? I'm sorry, but I really pity you. That guy will show you shege!!!!! He is MANIPULATIVE!!!!!! ask me how I know. Already he is using the fact that you chose to use contraceptives to prevent pregnancy as AN EXCUSE FOR HIS CHEATING , the worst part is that you believe him and AGREE that it is your fault, so you made sure to tell us that you decided to use contraceptives without telling him, so that we can all say he is justified to cheat with his ex because you used contraceptives without telling him. Does not sound reasonable?

    Is having a child before marriage the norm? Is that the proper course of life? Did both of you agree to have children before marriage? So what's the big deal about you getting on the pill or whatever!!!!! Is the only solution to a problem cheating? If he was unhappy that you were on contraceptives, why didn't he have a conversation with you first, why go ahead to cheat? Does his ex use contraceptives? Does he use a condom with other girls? Before you enter one chance, better give yourself brain. Even if he marries you, his ex will be in that marriage with you both, so better think things through.

    I hope you also know that if you give tacit approval to that affair, you can no longer complain when you both get married. He is just taking advantage of your situation. At 25, you're too young to get into a doomed marriage. Don't allow free Lunch - accommodation, money and sex to ruin your chance at happiness. RUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
    since he can't let go of his ex, why can't he marry her. If she is only good for sex, then maybe you're also only good for sex, company, homekeepig and maybe baby making.
    Better don't settle for less.
    Happy Sabbath guys!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Dear Poster
    This same man who made you better will destroy you further if you continue with this. You have healed , thanks to him, move on.

    It will get worse in marriage especially after childbirth. Dont try it. Take those pills. If he marries you and you give birth, he will flaunt his cheating on your face. You see that Febuary Job, grab it and hold it.

    KING XOXO MYSTERY

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  31. Wait ooo poster, you hit him on different occasions and no one is saying anything about that.
    That is sign of domestic violence.
    Are you sure you won't hit him again in future or kill him?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I saw that too..this guy seems devious, dangerous and not as nice as poster thinks. When you hit a man or disrespect him and he says nothing, does nothing be very very careful..he is planning some form of revenge. I suspect this ex gf of his is part of his plan to seek out revenge on her. Another angle

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  32. Well if he willing to be with you given your history of being physically abusive on him, then maybe you can go ahead and marry him even with his lack of self control and polygamous nature. Both traits are deal breakers for many but both of you don't seem to mind. Goodluck πŸ‘

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's willing to be with her despite that because he is planning to exact revenge on her in a very humiliating way. His ex being a constant force in his life is part of that revenge plan. That is why if you are mean or disrespectful to a man and he does not call you out on it, hmph RUN O. This guy does not have good plans for this lady

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  33. Which sensible person would want to marry someone that beats him up. Is it until you stab him he will have sense. Please leave the guy. Save his life. The guy is too nice to be killed. Fine someone else who is wicked.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who is wicked? Kai!😁😁😁

      Delete
    2. He wants her to stay so that he can revenge by humiliating her by sleeping with his ex. He is doing that already. It's mental and emotional torture. If u study psychology or know some bad guys you will know and understand this tactic

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    3. The lady is not even his "ex", just deceiving the poor naive girl but I'm happy God has given you a good job to RUNNN n MOVE ON. Use your pills in fact close legs completely n tell him you have repented till February... You πŸšΆπŸΌπŸšΆπŸΌπŸšΆπŸΌπŸšΆπŸΌπŸ’ƒπŸΌπŸ’ƒπŸΌ. Nne you deserve better abeg.

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  34. Only God knows the issue he has wit his ex that he cant marry her. You need to find out. Maybe its genetype issue and he's hiding it from you. You need to find out the real truth why he cant leave his ex. You're in his house already.find out the truth.buh just know that if you marry this man, you'll never have peace, joy and happiness in the marriage. You deserve better.You are young, no need to rush into hell fire on earth. Take your time and make the right choice. Good men still exist. Get close to God to give you your husband. God's gift addeth no sorrow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If na genotype, them wan use her as baby factory then marry later n dump her.

      Delete
  35. Ha ha. My dear, I was in your exact position until I found out he was the one begging the ex this is their MO you are 25 please move TF on

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  36. Did u say u beat him and he forgot all about it?. Ahhh! Poster. That man is evil. Take it from me..when you slap or beat a man or even insult him or cheat on him sef and he does like ode and acts as if he is not affected, just know that he is planning a very serious revenge in the future. Don't forget men have fragile ego and respect to them is paramount. THEY have all the time on their hands to waste your time just to spite you.

    Already he is making u have headaches and sleepless nights by involving his ex
    Trust me he knows exactly what he is doing.
    He is already manipulating and gaslighting you. "he was heartbroken when he saw my contraceptive pills. That he felt I didnt take him serious "

    Sis this guy is a grade A manipulator he will continue to play the nice guy n u will continue to make excuses for him whilst he openly humiliated you. Poster he WANTS you to know he stillfucks his ex gf, he wants you to feel bad n knowing that u feel bad gives him utmost pleasure
    But trust me this payback is not enough for him. He will continue in marriage n stop only when he gets bored. By then u may be too emotionally damaged and drained. I know u will still do what u want but my own advice is RUN!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Poster he has shown you who he is believe him. You will continue to tolerate side chicks. Mr nice guy is also nice to ex that's why she can't leave. Stop allowing men do anyhow. He should decide who he wants and if he can't take a walk. He is not the only nice guy on planet earth trust me. If you found out after marriage that's a different thing, but before marriage and he feels so entitled for me it's a no no. Let's place value on ourselves ladies

    ReplyDelete
  38. Please DO NOT tell this J guy your plans about this new job coming up in February. Do not tell him the location or company name. Just know in your heart of heart you’re done. If you can figure out another accommodation even if you have to move back to your moms house and let her know it’s just temp as you’ve found a better paying job and it doesn’t make sense wasting money on rent when you’ll be moving to your new location soon. Cut off ties with this guy ASAP! Don’t wait too long. Unless you want to play along and enjoy his niceness/money before leaving. Do NOT tell him your plans I'm begging you. Just play along and disappear when you’re ready. Dude might be dangerous and he might decide to go on full revenge on you. Ps: please work seriously on your anger issues. You cannot put hands on or physically attack anyone! I had to learn the hard way. and continue to see a therapist (a different one from the one he recommended if possible) Completely cut all ties from him and those connected to him). And biko NO MORE SEX! Good luck and update us please

    ReplyDelete

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