Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmmm....








STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE FIANCE


Good day great people of SDK blog.


 Please I have one small issue bothering me and I'll like you people to please advice me. Please what do you do in a situation where your fiance is not someone who knows how to be available emotionally. Because of the way he was brought up, he just withdraws into himself and is more comfortable being on his own. 


He loves his own space. Doesn't know how to reach out but when you reach out, he's always available and can spend hours talking with you on phone(it's a long distance relationship) and every time I complain about him not being available, he'll beg for a little more patience, that he'll change.

 He's a great guy but this is like the only issue I have with him.





People that are emotionally unavailable are a time bomb..note this

63 comments:

  1. Poster please don't start what you can't finish.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dude sounds like he has a babe over there. If a guy loves you, you'll know

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    2. ''He loves his own space''.............be ready to give him, space sometimes when both of you are married......don't let love blind your eyes and experience open it...patience, watch and pray...distance relationship is difference from marriage ooooooooooooooooooooooo....who have ears let him or her hear...... married people want to be single again and many single people want to married...a word is enough for the wise...

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    3. start finding sometime that will keep you busy...stop being too emotional about the both of you..it will help you in the future..hold GOD strong..because you will become a prayer warrior by force in the future..am a guy, i know what am talking....

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    4. I had a guy like this, he loves me so much but he can stay 1/2 months without calling, he is a loner, but if I call he will not pick and immediately call me back and we will talk for length, but for Oga to initiate the call is 3/10
      Lol

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    5. He loves her so much不不不不不

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    6. Poster, na lie o. I dated one kike that and it took me 5 years to get over the motherfucker

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    7. Poster all I will tell you is that marriage doesn't change people. It only enhances what is already there.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. When a man loves a woman...the earth will hear and the heavens will know it without a iota of doubt.

      He is not that into you and you know it.

      Delete
  3. Please dear poster...is his name Demola? Does he live in lagos?

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    Replies
    1. Abi Debola from Ijebu Living in Lagos?? e get one were(Mad) Debola my sister marry sadist of life ni guy yen ,claiming he loves his space

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  4. Wahala for who dey emotional

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  5. Hmmm this is a tough one but not all are time bombs Stella, some just love being on their own; maybe they're introverts or that's the way they were brought up, whatever it is poster, just be more patient like he pleaded and see what happens.

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    Replies
    1. Poster don't deceive yourself he will not change. He will only get worse in marriage

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  6. If you careless
    But if you are the type that that likes attention biko gbawaa door

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  7. Since you say he is great great guy and is responsive when you reach out, perhaps when you get married and live in the same house it will be better

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    Replies
    1. They are in a distant relationship and he wants his space. Imagine what would happen if they are constant in each other's faces. Poster your antenna is up with good reason. If you are determined to married him, be determined to put up with what not. Don't claim you weren't warned.

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  8. Lmao. This must be my ex. My dear you will suffer and graduate from suffering university because he will abandon you to yourself when you travel abroad. Shebi Na abroad de so you? Frustration will almost kill you. Just make sure he’s into women sha.

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  9. Since it bothers you so much, maybe you should get him to talk to someone to enable him take practical steps on how to be better. I don't think it's something he can get out of by himself, hence he would have. Also, even when he starts improving, you'll need to be patient and he may not necessarily become what you expect of him, so you'll need to adjust too and if it's too much for you, you might just need to walk away.

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  10. Anything that doesn't change before marriage will hardly change after marriage.
    Let him work on the communication skill. Marriage without communication is dead on arrival oh

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  11. Hmm emotionally unavailable men or people are the worst o. You will suffer emotional abuse ehn. I was in relationship with an emotionally unavailable wicked man, it was one hell of a rollercoaster one minute he is sweet the next he is something else I am trying to couple back the pieces of my broken heart he scattered everything. I can't even describe all what I went through that man messed me up big time. Please run and don't look back for your sanity and mental health RUN! RUN! RUN!. Many Nigerian men are damaged I feel so sorry for a lot of women tsk tsk tsk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your man was plain wicked, sounds very manipulative. His emotional unavailability doesn’t seem to be the cause of your woes.

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    2. "Nigerian men are damaged" thought it was only me who thought so. I think a lot face trauma in their childhood. And the families are too focused on raising girls

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    3. Women that are naturally emotional. Even the toughest ones that try to hide it. Being with someone that withdraws emotionally is a form of abuse, especially when it is consistent. You will feel worse by the time you see him spend that emotion outside leaving you in the cold. Yes he will spend it outside on friends, colleagues and even acquaintances but will have an empty tank by the time he is home. Those outside would not believe you if you complain because he is different with them. The only thing that can save you is if he genuinely loves you, he won't want to loose you and would try not to. In your case, he doesn't seem to be putting much effort so it gives cause for caution. Also are you sure he is not already emotionally invested in someone outside? Eg a baby mama, a married woman or someone who doesn't want him enough to marry him, or is he gay? Look well before you leap because people can't help being themselves.

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  12. Let that man find who he truly loves please. When a man loves a woman there's nothing like "emotionally unavailable"

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    Replies
    1. God bless you picture. If he finds the love of his life,he will open up like an oyster. My dear Sis, please don't fight it if it's not working out.

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    2. That's just it. Don't force it poster. If he truly loves you, he will show care and always want to hear from you.

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  13. Know the things you can withstand in your relationship. No one is perfect!

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  14. Poster I am like that, n I'm not a time bomb. that I dont call u don't mean I dont love u. It's just hard.

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm. Will you be happy ending up with your kind?

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  15. He will not change because of you.
    If you cannot deal (& you shouldn't deal with emotional starvation, it kills the spirit), then go before you invest more time and miss out on a better time

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    Replies
    1. You are right. I find that some women are usually afraid they can't find someone better.

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  16. Emotionally unavailable, is a no no. How do you cope? And it's a long distance relationship sef

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    Replies
    1. Long distance relationship in itself is a no no. You just never know what the other person is up to over there. Plus men are visual. It's a bit hard for a man to be emotionally connected to a woman he can't see and touch every day

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    2. Men are visual and still cheating and disconnected from the women they are seeing everyday. It is poor character that causes cheating not physical availability. Long distance wouldn't be a problem for this guy since he is cloaked up already, such an arrangement would suit him to a tee.

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  17. Poster this is me and I’m female; I love being alone and grew up an only child but if I love someone I do reach out but I don’t like disturbing people. I’m also very lay back in a relationship so o don’t disturb my man if he says he is just I back off and give him space; I have phd in space giving.

    I’m also a great person and a good lover but this space issue is a problem sometimes but I’m changing small small. Please be patient with him when you live with him it won’t be like this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol...I have PhD pro max in space giving o...lol

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  18. I can relate to his kinda personality... I am guilty of that as well.. He just may be someone who prefers physical presence. Doesn't mean he likes you less.

    Maybe hes gotten too comfortable with you and feels he doesn't have to put in as much effort in the relationship..

    I think you should make yourself abit scarce and see how he responds... then take your que from there.

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    Replies
    1. Yea because she’s the man in the relationship hunting! So the man is relaxed and letting her do the work na. Poster you never start. You’ll soon get emotionally drained. I’ve been there done that. It’s not worth it. And love yourself first and tone down the masculinity in you. Let him look for you. If he doesn’t, he ain’t the one for you.

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  19. You better leave him and look for someone else cos he won’t change , there’s a likelihood he has another babe too and he is just keeping u one place , u won’t be able to handle this in marriage cos he won’t change , leave him if u can’t cope , don’t stay with him cos u must marry by force else u would regret , emotionally unavailable peeps are difficult to live with as they don’t know how to love and u would basically be on your own whilst physically he is with u, the ball is in your court

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  20. If he truly loves you, he will be available. I'm talking from experience. If he's not into you, and you like to get his attention always, then leave him o. It could lead you to frustration

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  21. Whatever issues you have during courtship will be magnified in marriage. Obviously, you have emotional needs that he cannot and refuse to even attempt to meet. Your needs are meaningless to him. Why are you wanting to marry someone who refuses to meet your needs? Shine your eyes, you don't see the writing on the wall? Break off the engagement and go find someone that you are equally yoked with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not poster ooo, but this your advice is something to look into.

      Delete
  22. It’s not about him loving her! The guy may just be like that. Some people can never bond with others no matter how hard you try. They may find someone new and it will be shiny and bright. Before you know they are back to their old selves.

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  23. I'm exactly as this guy the Poster has described. I withdraw and can spent several months alone. I'm not a time bomb as Stella describes him. I just had a difficult time growing up and can't deal with people. But when I love you, I love you off -i wont reach out to you though; you'd have to prove you deserve my time

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Prove they deserve your time ke?

      Na wa oh

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    2. You need therapy dear, that's not healthy

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    3. Who has time for all that??? And how would he or she know they deserve your time when one one know jack sh*t about you?? Oh please spare me your yeye talk abeg. . Like chichi mentioned, you need serious therapy and prayers to get you out of that mood.

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    4. Hope you are working on yourself to do better so you don't hurt others unnecessarily? Or yes, you are definitely a ticking time bomb.

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  24. Had to leave my ex cause of this same issue. Who get time for nonsense

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  25. Many ladies keep lamenting about there fianc矇 bla bla bla but why don’t you check yourself and see what you are doing wrong. If a guy loves you he will definitely be there for you no matter what. A man won’t leave or want to stay away/ space himself from the lady he truly love. And most ladies take advantage of the fact that there fianc矇 gives them more attention and they misbehave.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stop it! You want to tell me of the billions of men on the planet they all behave the same and react to the same circumstances? Does that sound remotely possible even to you?

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    2. Someone said her fiance is emotionally unavailable. That that is his only fault. Automatically it now becomes her fault? Guy you have issues. Big ones at that.

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  26. Me I'm dealing with the opposite.. emotionally too available guy. He's extremely emotional, open and honest, and would cry once in a while. Unkind words hurt him deeply. But on thr other hand, he's very kind and considerate and calls every day.

    Me I'm kinda a love my space person. I really don't initiate calls but once you call I'm a chatterbox. However I believe if you really love someone you'll modify your lifestyle a bit for them. You will call, especially if you're the man and about to marry the woman.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I honestly feel like he’ll slow down once you guys are married and sees you every day. If he’s not the possessive type then it might work out. Too emotional is not good sha. Other person will be drained just like someone who’s not emotionally available. A good balance is the best.

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    2. His case is that he is extremely needy and sensitive. The opposite extreme of the same coin. If you are the otherside of the coin you guys may just balance each other out, which is likely to happen when there is genuine love. Or you guys will get extremely irritated and put off with yourselves. Hopefully that won't be your problem. All the best. In all things moderation is the key.

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    3. You and poster should exchange partners

      Delete
  27. The guy might need time to improve on his communication skills, keep speaking to him about it and check with his family members that there is no other "missus" somewhere. At least you're engaged I suppose from your narration.
    But I can't agree less with this word someone posted up there "Many Nigerian men are damaged, thought it was only me who thought so. I think a lot face trauma in their childhood. And the families are too focused on raising girls"
    Excatly,
    Poster, please check if your inner mind is at peace with him, he's a good man as you said.
    Goodluck

    ReplyDelete

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