Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of A Married Man - 4

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Saturday, December 26, 2020

Chronicle Of A Married Man - 4

Tag this as a must read!!!






So here I was after receiving that call from my father-in-law wanting to dissolve the marriage for a crime, I wasn’t aware I committed. I wanted to react and even do something stupid but thinking about all what I went through getting married; I just calmed myself down, called my family and told them to go and settle whatever the issue was.


 I told my wife not to go to him that day to avoid any confrontation because I was pissed, I took my wife and travelled back to Port Harcourt that same day and the issue was later resolved by my family.


The subject of his anger will be a topic for another day but the lesson is this…be careful not to offend the wrong person in the course of planning your marriage. Temptations are everywhere. I also learnt my first lesson in “Family Politics -101” course from that incident.


People of God, there was no honeymoon ooo! By the time I was through with the marriage I was already in debt to the tune of 700k! When I took my wife home, I was having just 5k with me and we just have to start patching our lives together. So basically, we spent just three days at home together and hustle continued the next week. Of course, we had lots of great s#x and started the family-adjustment program.

With the way we do marriages here in Nigeria and the level of poverty, you hardly have enough time or money to do honeymoon after marriage. People spend such time paying debts and trying to wake up to the reality that their lives have been changed forever. For me, I discovered that I had lost my freedom forever and I can’t live my previous lifestyle again. I always remember that popular line for Tuface’s song… “if to say na just meee, I’ll be living like I don’t care…” Alas, it was not just me again. I had to consider her in all the decisions I make.



For the first three months of marriage, we were doing “I thought I knew you before marriage” because I found out that my wife was way different from my girlfriend I was dating. While we were dating, I could just ignore my wife (then girlfriend) when we have arguments and talk to her days later. But now, whether we quarrel, argue or fight. We must still sleep in the same bed. Things that were fun during the days of dating became “work” during marriage.


That was when my wife coined these words. “Seventy-Years”. Those were the words she used to say to me that ''whatever you are seeing now, be prepared to endure it for the next seventy years of your life''! So, you better adjust your expectations and manage whatever you see now in the marriage. I am now used to it that I just tell her “Seventy-Years” whenever I do anything stupid and she is complaining about something about me.


Na so marriage start ooo! I discovered that I cook better than my wife! And that I have to forgo my every morning food my mother taught me to always eat before I go to work.


So, woman often ask, how do I know the right man to marry and also some often wondered why a pretty looking girl with lots of suitors to pick from just decides to marry a not-so-good-looking man. 

I will always tell women. Marry a man that gives you security. That’s the key for me. Let me break this down. Even with all the love, great s#x and other good stuffs happening in a relationship, if there is no security everything about the love dies eventually.

Woman should seek physical security (can he protect you and your unborn children), financial security (can he take care of your financial needs and cater for you), emotional security (can he manage your emotional excesses and be strong in times of crisis) and family security (can he shield you from family/in-law wahala and also maintain a healthy family) …and love can be added for good measures.


I know you can’t get all the answers to this before marriage or completely know him because people change with time. But here are some few things to look out for. Even if he is not financially buoyant, does he give from the little he has? Even if he is earning 20k, he should be able to give something from that. How does he treat his family? If he doesn’t respect his family, he won’t respect yours with time. How does he address challenging issues? Does he give excuses or look for path of least resistance? How does he settle issues with you and calm you down when you are angry, does he apologize? When you look at all these without any emotional attachments, you will know if indeed you are secured.

Whenever I have opportunities to talk to newly married couples, I always recommend this book for them; “Love without fear” By Eustace Chesser. I first read that book as a young undergraduate and it helped me so much especially in my perception about s#x and I was a better lover for it. 


Story full ground, I dey come.


Ciao!

31 comments:

  1. Ogbeni, I opened this post to know what they said you did that would make father in law want to return bride price back

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  2. Nice one. Thank you for the lessons there about security. Let me download the book sharp sharp

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  3. why do people do this; take loan to marry? That's not good at all.
    Just a day celebrations? πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„

    ReplyDelete
  4. Seventy years, I was just imagining ur wives face as she made that statement, she is so me, giving my hubby some cute wahala hehehehehe😁😁😁

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  5. Off to get 'love without fear'

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  6. What did you do that made father in-law want to return bride price?

    We said you should say everything in its raw form hehehe 😊

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  7. Off to get that book.
    This was wonderful to read.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I couldn't download the book.
    Someone, please help!!!

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  9. Hmmmm, is it possible to get a man that give you all these "securities " in marriage?

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  10. Wedding ceremonies in Nigeria need a new legislation. It is now more difficult to do a small wedding without spending all your saving and borrow more.
    Wedding is now so capital intensive today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What about the endless experience Aso ebi we keep buying and pack away never to use again? 😒😒😒

      Delete
  11. Thanks for the lessons. I love reading this chronicle.

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  12. Nice read😁 wetin you do wey father in law wanted to capsize the boat. I like the way you write

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  13. Oh... I learnt so much from your "second to the last" paragraph.. Thank you.

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  14. Lagos Mainland girl26 December 2020 at 18:36

    Nice read

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  15. My mind is telling me that you are a writer with your own books in the market. I love your Chronicles.keep it up

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  16. You must have Said some strong words to your father in law that made him change his mind after he gave you his daughter. Thanks God everything was resolved.

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  17. COAMM writer.....you need to start writing a book. I'll definitely buy. Thumbs up as always.

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  18. What an interesting read so glued to the story despite busy.
    In the aspect of taking loan, I had discussed with my people to sell off a portion of my landed property I purchased when things where better but along the process baby girl really getting on my nerves and was saying all sot of things which I began asking myself is this what I will get for seventy years as your wife coined out.
    Well decision was cancelled off by me.

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  19. Lies.. He wants to sell his book. No b only security. How many can afford all of that stop putting stupid goals for women to look out for. A woman makes a home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fool! Only a woman makes a home abi? The man makes pankere se?
      May your wife make a home without you.
      Ewu Gambia...

      Delete

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