Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicles Of A Married Man - 2

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Sunday, December 13, 2020

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 2

“Why did I get married?”. That’s a question I sometimes ask myself. 








The answer always helps me re-adjust my reactions to certain challenges I face and helps me refocus. As married people, it is a question we need to continually ask ourselves especially in times of crises.


To answer that question in case you are curious to know. I got married for companionship. Not for love, not for bearing children or even for regular sex.


 I could get all that without being tied down and committing myself to one person for the rest of my life. I needed a companion in every sense of the word; so whenever I get burgled down I always asked myself if I still need my companion. 


The answer is always yes. Since the days of my singlehood with my own house and means I have always needed someone around in the house to talk to, play with, “press”, share my life experiences, express love and experiment with my cooking skills. I can’t imagine living my life as it is now without a wife.


So back in 2005, I told Oloye my good friend that I wanted to get married. He looked at me sternly and declared “Oboy you neva ready for marriage” and I couldn’t really say anything to him then but I felt belittled at not being taken seriously. I continued drinking my beer or whatever it was we were together back then. But looking back in retrospect, I discovered that Oloye was right. It took me another five years before I got married. As at the time of that discussion I didn’t even have a comfortable house I can call home, I was still a private school teacher and worst still didn’t even have a regular girlfriend. 

Imagine me wanting to get married!

This same way of thinking is what gets people in marital crisis today. 


People want to marry with “by the grace of God”. They marry a woman and take them to their parent’s house, they marry without a good job that can sustain a family, they faith everything and expect miracles from God because “he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from God”. They forget that he who finds a wife also finds responsibilities.


I had this same discussion with my junior colleague earlier this year. We were in the month of June and he wanted to marry by December. I simply told him “You are not ready”. I asked him if he had a house yet, he said no but that has enough money to rent and furnish the house and also get married. So I advised him to get the house first then we can talk. 

As at September when I asked him “How far the marriage?” He looked at me sheepishly and replied “Oga, the money don finish ooo”. The money he had saved was not even enough to rent and furnish the house talkless of getting married with it.

So my point in this whole story is, a man should be mentally, physically, financially, spiritually and psychological ready to marry. 

The same goes for the woman. But Because the onus of leadership of the home lies with the man. He need to be even more ready than the woman. Some men are just adult children who can’t even take care of themselves much more taking care of another man’s daughter. They become wife beaters, emotionally unavailable husband, stay-at-home-do-nothing fathers, God-will-do-it and let’s hope for better days’ partners. For life’s sake, ask yourself before you say “I Do”, are you ready for the “do”?


Continuing from last week.......So finally my father-in-law responded to me after I waited for three months. Of course he said yes and directed me to go see the pastor of his parish of Redeem Church. So on one fateful Sunday, I wore my Sunday’s best, properly tucked-in sleeve shirt, looking crisp like the early morning “akara”. That was how I met Pastor after Sunday service. And the following conversation ensued between us.

Pastor: “So young man, what is it you said you wanted to see me about?”

Me: “Sir, I was told to come and see you, I want to get married to one your members, Mr. XYX Daughter”

Pastor: “So how did you know she is your supposed wife”

Me: “I have taken my time to study and know her and I am convinced about it”

Pastor: “Did you pray about it? Did God reveal it to you?”

Me: “Yes Sir” …(but God didn’t give me any revelation ooo, I just wanted to finish the conversation and rush back to Port Harcourt that day to resume work the next day).

Pastor: “So what was the revelation?”

At that point I entered into what I call the “story of my life” mode, I was just “capping” anything that entered my head. When the Pastor discovered I wasn’t going to take "no” for an answer he told me to go and tell my wife to come see him.

You can imagine when my wife was asked the same question, she just said no to all the questions. She said she had prayed about it and no, God didn’t reveal anything to her, she does not have any spiritual conviction. But all her own be say she wan marry, Fullstop! That’s how Pastor told her to go back and pray more about.

After two months and four visits to the Pastor God still didn’t reveal anything to her. Pastor finally said Ok ooo. You can now proceed for counselling.

That was the start of another drama. Counselling took another six months and after some many delays we had to crash everything. But you see that counselling thing eh! That “thing” gat nothing on marriage! The success and failure of your marriage is solely that of you and your partner’s effort. No amount of counselling or marriage class can ever prepare you for the real deal.


One year later after I started the whole marriage process and with counselling completed, we were directed to go see the provisional Pastor. He is to give the final approval before the solemnization can be allowed in their church.

So we eventually secured an appointment with the Pastor. After the initial introduction and all other matters, we came to the highlight of the meeting. Then he asked us “Have you people had Sex together before?”

I am sure you want to know the answer too.

I will be back.

Ciao!




Hahahahahahahhahahahahhahaha i want to know if you both gbenshed before...you sound like a softie who doesn't take No for an answer....

41 comments:

  1. I also want to know the answer to the question.πŸ˜„
    I love your wife's honesty about her conviction. People get their convictions in different ways though some ways are more subtle than others. I believe hers was the peace she felt which was enough to make her take the bull by the horn and marry you.

    I am going through counselling right now and am I tired? 😩 I understand you, perfectly.

    Thanks, Stella. This is interesting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My guess is you guys gbenshed. At least I know sey ya wifey no go lie. Good job. I go dey follo ya story bumper to bumper.

      Delete
    2. Sabella dear,lend me your space pls. Chronicle writer,I think I'm gonna love your story. Welldone πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

      Delete
    3. Chronicle married man, come back and answer this question next week. See yaπŸ™‹‍♂️πŸ™‹‍♂️πŸ™‹πŸ™‹
      It seems your wife's honesty and gentleness made you rethink what marriage is truly for.

      Delete
    4. Love your story already πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

      Delete
  2. πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘. I enjoyed reading this, it was also funny. The Pastor asking you what you heard from God🀣🀣. Mbok, come and give us the answer to the last question o.

    ReplyDelete
  3. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Your wife is really a piece of work. She even said she didn't get any revelation but just want to marry.lol

    In my former church if a man wants to marry he isn't supposed to meet the sister in question o. He is to go to his pastor first and share with him who will then give him a letter to take to the marriage committee. Those ones will now ask him who he wants to marry. From there,these sister will be called ti the marriage committee in the brothers absence.

    She will be asked if she is ready for marriage and if she has been praying towards that. She will then be asked who she saw in her revelation. That's where you will then see the sister mentioning someone else she has been eyeing πŸ™†πŸ™„πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    From there, she'll be told to go pray again.

    By the time the brother gets impatient, he'll then go back to tell her that it's him oust incase she goes back and is asked.lmao
    It's been a while. Don't know if they still do that there.
    The courtship time is another drama.
    Na for one if church mummy's house or daddy that they will both be meetywnd those ones will act as chaperone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your 2nd paragraph eh, na real wa! Religion!!!

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    2. Chai,And all these processes might not even guarantee a peaceful marriage o.

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    3. Lol, dem dey try sha. I no sure sey I fit..............

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    4. Candy it's very true o🀣🀣

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    5. This is rigorous and draining. That's how one church ruined my sister's marriage proposal....

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  4. Very interesting I can't waitoooh, chai how I love gbenshing stories

    ReplyDelete
  5. Replies
    1. Hi Pearl;here it is below..

      https://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2020/12/chronicles-of-married-man-part-1.html?m=1

      @MARTINS

      Delete
    2. Wow,what a selfless act, God bless you and your household Martin.

      Delete
  6. I love the way your wife was honest about her conviction... I'm really waiting for your answer to the pastor's question.

    Very interesting column

    ReplyDelete
  7. When's the next column ❤️
    Can't wait

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love this! 😁

    Stella, I'll suggest the link of the previous episode is included in the new one for easy understanding, though I read it last week.

    We didn't do that counseling stuff. God gat us jare and it has been sweet. Na God!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chai, thank God oooo Cynthia. I go like do sha, but for now I no know how e go be.

      Delete
  9. I also think all these churchy relationship speakers don't help matters. You will hear something like," When I started my marriage with my wife,I had just #2000 in my account"
    Chai!!!
    Whossai!!!πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™†

    Instead of telling men to wait up,save up before going to marry.
    The in thing now is marriage committees.
    Marriage committees will add your name and coerce you into pledging money to support the wedding.
    Before you know,they will be calling you so much to pay up.

    A guy will get a job after many years that his family had suffered in training him, two months after that,he wants to marry.
    To each his own sha

    Make I find money first. I have too many responsibilities now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. This poster really made a lot of sense.

      Delete
    2. Your 2nd to the last paragraph means a lot in marriage, especially from the man side. It takes God grace in such situation if the ma family contributed & support him during the trial time.

      Delete
  10. Wow beautiful column waiting for the next episode.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I like your wife honesty. Some will lie and say God told or reveal to them.

    That counselling stuff, my hubby and I didn't do it oh. We just had this conviction that we are meant for each other.

    You have to be physically, mentally, morally etc ready for marriage before going into it. Especially the man. W

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good for you... Some churches will frustrate you so much that want to give up...

      Delete
  12. I can't wait to read more....so interesting.

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  13. I really don't know what pastor and marriage counselling class got to do with marriage.
    It is not everyone that will get a vision concerning their spouse to be. It is not a must to get a vision.
    But I have been in two relationships where I got message from my dreams about both men(I dated the 1st and ended it then started dating the 2nd who is my current)
    The 1st i was in a dream and he took me to meet his parents and they blatantly rejected me, saying unpalatable things about me, I expected him to fight for me, but he didn't, I was sad and I woke up from that dream.
    My current BF just after 3months we started dating, I dreamt we were really getting on fine and somewhere another guy came along, and it seemed like I was drifting towards the new man, but somehow in the dream a voice spoke to me that if I left my BF to go with the other that I wasn't going to enjoy the marriage, that my BF is the one for me.
    Well I don't know if it was from God.
    But what I know is that my BF has been good, he hasn't given me much reason to look out. All the guys that ask me out seem not to beat him in any way,(both character wise and money wise) And I'm praying not to fall for any form of deceit. While I seriously hope that he pops THE QUESTION.
    I love my Sugarbear

    ReplyDelete
  14. We all want to know what your response was to the pastor. Pastors must ask this question each time before there will be joining in holy matrimony.

    ReplyDelete
  15. People who do not have a personal relationship with Christ and want to know his will in their marriages are joking.
    Jesus' foremost came to save you and I from our sins, not to give us the cravings of this life. What comes first should
    come first.
    And when people subject themselves to church dogmas and protocols and neglect the most important things in life, they are
    bound to err. What do I mean? Show me in the Scriptures, from Genesis to Revelation, where God mandated the church to join
    couples in marriages? Marriage is the responsibility of the girl's father to conduct; receive the bride price and hand the
    girl over to the man in marriage. Period. It is a family affair, not a church affair.
    Heb. 13:4 "marriage is honorable, the marriage bed kept pure but God will judge the adulterers and sexually immoral."
    πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

    ReplyDelete
  16. Please bring the concluding part
    I love πŸ’˜

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  17. In my own time 5 years ago we've gbensh and we were not asked directly but told to abstain from such acts. During the meetings in the province ( Redeemed church) we were asked but denied it. Finally a pregnancy test was conducted a day before the wedding and it was negative.

    ReplyDelete
  18. That question of sex is totally unnecessary.

    ReplyDelete

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