Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicles Of A Married Man - Part 1

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Sunday, December 06, 2020

Chronicles Of A Married Man - Part 1

This is the pilot post of this new column....Hopefully as you read along,you become addicted and learn something............Please make sure no one else has your attention before you start reading......









Here goes for your reading pleasure.............


In my teenage years, I grew up reading “fatherhood with Ibe” a column by my amiable Dr. Ibe Kachukwu on “Hints” magazine. It was always such interesting read. I remember his stories about navigating through the waters of fatherhood and his relationship with his children. His write-ups inspired me to this because I learnt a lot from them. Also, we men go through lots of stuffs in marriage but because you have to man-up, we just bottle-up stuffs and die in silence. So I will be ranting, venting and sometimes putting out some personal opinions based on my experiences. I sincerely hope you will learn one or two things from my story.



So where do I begin…ok; let me start from the beginning, the getting married and marriage day drama. 


Marriage is a very interesting journey, an unending course of study without a manual, course work and failure could be life changing. We all had our childhood dreams of having the Cinderella and Prince charming wedding with the happy-ever-after experience. 

Howbeit, when I got married I has hit with bills, wife dramas, in-law politics and the ever changing world of having to have children and building a family; and of course there was love and happiness; I do have my good days. Hmmm…marriage is work, and having a happy one take lots of sacrifice and understanding from both parties.

So I decided to start this chronicles to just to tell my own story, the story of my marriage journey. Trust me it’s been a roller coaster of a ride. Sometimes we go for days without talking and the next thing you will hear is “na that small thing make you dey carry face like akamu abi? oya e don do”, and sometimes I just receive a call from madam and she is “so you forget our anniversary abi?” but other times it’s fun and hallelujah till the next school term begins or when I hear “pampers don finish ooo”; and am like will this ever end?

 Frankly, I had to get used to it because it’s a “we die here” something and in all I would say marriage is worth the fun and stress, afterall we signed up for it.

Many people started having issues in their marriages from the activities leading to their marriage and the marriage day fracas which were not properly handled.


 I personally had a terrible experience that has made me not to even watch my own marriage videos till this day. Marriages here in Nigeria are stressful and unnecessarily complicated due to way we do things. It’s even getting worse these days that even after the stress of the traditional marriage, church and court weddings, people still have time for wedding after-party after the wedding reception! That’s excluding the “first visit”, introduction, pre-wedding photoshoot, bachelor/spinster’s night (hope I got it right?) and the “ugwongwo” that goes with them! Anyways thank God for Redeem Church, they made things little easy for me on that part.


And as for those of you ladies keeping your “kobikobi” for the wedding night, you better wait for another couple of days after because you will be so exhausted from the whole marriage activities that having a wonderful first time sex where you will be breaking “bloody boundaries” is not advisable. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 


Wedding night sex are overrated. The couple just want to sleep after having that “thank God it was successful” breath because Nigerian marriages are such big deals. Anyways not everyone goes through this, if yours was easy, I am happy for you.

So here I was after wooing my wife and almost getting frustrated for two years, she eventually agreed to marry me. You can imagine her telling me, a whole Urhobo man to kneel down and propose, for what! 

Anyway las las, a man gats do what a man gat to do (but I nor kneel down ooo). I engaged her without a ring. In my mind, I was like who ring epp? 


Here is my take of this ring thingy. If you know the guy isn’t going to marry you within the shortest possible time, don’t take the ring. How can someone engage you with a ring for over one year? Why tie people’s daughter down in the name of engagement? 

Some people even engaged people’s children and ran abroad, maka why? 


I gathered liver and went to my father-in-law and told him I wanted to marry his daughter and will be coming with my people. After preaching sermon about how he has been praying about his daughter’s marriage and sowing seed; and how he has always wanted his daughter to marry a God-fearing man (wahala for who nor get fear of God, for my mind…ok oo). He eventually to told me to go, that he will get back to me.


Two months and counting later, baba hadn’t gotten back to me. Na then I know say e don red! Just wait till you hear wetin Redeemed Christian Church of God people do me.

I will be back…

Ciao!

102 comments:

  1. Hahahahah, pls come back o. I love your flow and I'm waiting for the continuation. Good one Stella

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    Replies
    1. This "marriage is hard work" "marriage is hard" is strange to me. I have never understood it and why so many people agree with it. Not even when I was single. I saw a lot of bad marriages that I always wondered why one or the two people involved intentionally become difficult. To me it's a choice and I recognised it in the relationships I had before I met my husband. I know and I know and I know people throw trouble in otherwise smooth relationship for the fun of it or for ego trip. My marriage is 7years and I think I have earned the authority to say MARRIAGE IS EASY.

      Na anonymous mode o😎 b4 them come for me.

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    2. Sapphire aka 15:01 I sight you.

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    3. aww why go anon to write something so lovely anon 15:01?

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    4. You know how to engage your audience and keep them glued. Thumbs up to this column.

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    5. Marriage is good when planned and prayed for.
      communication matters a lot.

      Waiting for the conclusion o.

      Delete
  2. Interesting column. keep it upπŸ‘

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  3. This one would be very interesting

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  4. I no dey like this ...to be continued thing
    You do write well

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  5. The stress in weddings are the make of the couples, especially the bride who wants to "make a big statement." You are stressed by what you allow, what you see others do and want to imitate. I set my boundaries, I focused on marriage and not wedding (day.) Focused on raising kids and savings, not mountainous cakes and gowns that trail to the seashores. In fact I wore skirt suit; yes just to be different, and wear it after the wedding.
    I made sure my fiance then was not going to get stressed by my family. I focused on building a relationship in Christ, together with my fiance during courtship, not waiting for a minted "god-fearing man." I focused on enjoying sexual pleasures with my husband for the entire duration of our marriage and not on one night called wedding night. Really nothing much happened on wedding night. But I can say that for years of being married, everyday is a honeymoon for us. Marriage can be pleasurable if you build with Christ. πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

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    1. I wish I know what I know now before my wedding.

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    2. The stressbin weddings are usually the make of coupleπŸ‘Œ.

      I totally agree. Thank God for my man, our wedding won't be stressful at all by God's grace cos we're planning a small, classy wedding.

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    3. Exactly my dear. People shouldn't stress themselves on things they can't control atimes. The aftermaths is the main thing.

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  6. I am soooo loving this segment. You write very well sir. Stella, thanks for keeping your blog super interesting. Since I started this blog I refresh hourly unless I am super busy

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  7. This column will be interesting, I'm waiting.

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  8. Nice concept Stella. I don't understand why people waste their energies in bogus weddings and still complain of
    hard economy. Why enter your matrimonial home in debts or stress of whatever form?
    I always read of god-fearing man here but I hardly ever read of god-fearing woman, why? Is it that every lady is
    assumed to fear God or that there are no god-fearing ladies, which is it?

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    1. I think reason is women being assumed to automatically be submissive to their husbands and expected to be naturally wired to be faithful to him for the rest of her life, are termed god-fearing enough for marriage in the eyes of her man. For a woman, we know that finding a man that has no knack for mischief as the society indulges them is not common. Therefore, when you find one who is kind, has a good head on his shoulder and doesn't philander, we call him god-fearing.

      I know for you it has to be that non-drinking, non-smoking, tongue-speaking, bible-seasoned and pulpit bound brother. Yerima said he fell in love and married his 13year old bride then cos he visited her family and saw that at that age she could recite the entire Quran by heart. To him, she was god-fearing. For Ned, it was virginity that defined god-fearing in a woman for him.

      So...πŸ˜‚. It depends on what your values are and finding who meets the standards.

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    2. People seem to miss what God said about marriage starting from the book of Genesis, Ephesians, etc

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  9. I enjoyed this. I can't wait to read the next part.

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  10. This will be a nice one. I can tell already

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  11. I'm loving this post alreadyπŸ˜€

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  12. I cant wait to read the way your gbensh your side chickens🀣🀣🀣..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€¦πŸΎ‍♀️

      Delete
    2. And if he doesn't include this part in his host, then, e no complete

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    3. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      Sending you queen a bowl of Isiewu 🍲

      Delete
    4. Relax he’s not your husband. He no get side chicken ode

      Delete
  13. Interesting read..pls be back soon.

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  14. Lol... Oga come and give us gist. I love this. Well done Stellz. More grease to ya elbow or wherever you need it.

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  15. Wow, loving this already. Please, how do I get a blog ID, e don reach. Been following Stellz from 1900.

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  16. It seems he is telling my own story, except for the father inlaw praying for daughter's future husband and the other my church was Catholic. Bros come and continue o

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  17. Me sef on my brother’s wedding night, na me , his wife and him sleep for the same bed. We just manage bathe for night and the next thing na sleep. The stress is always so much. I can’t even remember the side of bed wey I sleep sef. Lol

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    1. Haha.
      Was it in the villa?

      Sometimes newly wed will end up on grandma's bed because of crowd.

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  18. Lol. Truly the couple should wait till some days after to do their couple’s night though cos they will be too tired to get it as they really want it. Me sef on my brother’s wedding night na the three of us sleep for the same bed for their hotel room. The car supposed to come and take me back home could not make it back that night. We all just manage bathe and the next thing na crashing. The stress on the day is something else. I can’t even remember which side I sleep sef. Whether for his own side or my in-law side. Lol

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    Replies
    1. My period came on my wedding day. Lol

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  19. Marriage wikk work if you will both let go of your egos.it is the greatest institution made by God.

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  20. This is a very interesting read! We've been hearing from women, time to hear from menπŸ‘ŒπŸ½

    Oga abeg, nọr water wash am for us... Present it in its raw form.

    Can't wait to read the next episode 😊

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  21. Wow......this is a beautiful story from a man’s perspective.

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  22. I'M already loving it. Please do come and finish it.

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  23. Nice write-up, keep it comingπŸ˜ƒ.
    My ex had a small public engagement for me, at his house, with his friends and family (I don’t keep a lot of friends and my siblings were in school, so not his fault). Hmm, me that was already re-evaluating the relationship. I accepted the ring, just so I don’t embarrass him; in private I told him I will not wear the ring until he comes to my parents house while in my mind I gave him a deadline of 12 calendar months. I was not under pressure to marry (thank God for my parents) neither was I going to force him, never ever reminded him sef. One year and 3 months later, I broke it off and married someone else.
    So yes I agree with you. Accepting a ring and brandishing it for ages is very unwise.

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    1. I’m curious. Did you marry someone else as soon as you broke it off? How did you deal with that? Did any of them know about the other person?

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    2. @Adabekee, yes, married someone roughly 4months later. My now hubby had been asking me out but of course, I kept saying ‘I had a boyfriend’ (never fiancΓ©).
      How did I handle it? I had to be upfront with my ex. I went away in prayer and came out convinced that moving on was the right solution, and I told him. I didn’t say someone was in the works, because I wasn’t breaking it off just to date my now husband, but because I felt dissatisfied with the current relationship. It was hard, cos a lot of years and emotional investment had gone in but, you owe yourself the best decision you can make at every point in time, no matter whose ox is gored.
      So yes, hubby knew about my ex, ex didn’t know about hubby.

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    3. Nice one Mystic

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    4. The Holy Bible said we should be wise as serpent.
      πŸ™‹πŸ»

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  24. Oga abeg come back o..u need to finish dis gist o...I remember wetin one redeem mummy stress my friend last year because she want access my friend wedding gown o...we snap wedding gown send am to her for WhatsApp, she say my friend must carry d gown come show her n wear the gown in her presence... If not my girl no go wed for church o... DAT woman no get joy at all..even pastors dey fear to talk to d woman. Mstcheeew

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    1. I am a believer but I won't take that from any 'church mummy' or any holier-than-thou person that wants to be a stumbling block to my wedding.
      They can keep their wedding gown inspection. 🀦‍♀️


      I will simply go to my parents-in law's or my parents church and wed.

      Some people hide under the cloak of born-again to perpetrate all sorts of antagonism and self-righteousness. No joy. No love. πŸ™…‍♀️

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    2. I don't see any issue with that.She just wants to be sure that the gown is as decent as the church permits. If your friend was really a member then that shouldn't have been a problem. The woman was simply doing the job assigned to her by the church leadership and she would be held accountable if a bride appears wearing a gown that is not decent enough for them

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    3. sometimes find out why people do certain stuff before judging...do you know some gowns were inspected and the brides later turned up in very embarrassing gowns? why do you think they now do pregnancy test days before wedding? some got pregnant after test and some got their friends urine..lol...she wanted to see it in person cos you might send a holy looking picture then wear the sinful one to church...u will be amazed what people do

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  25. No dull moment im SDK blog. Bros please bring on the gist. We are here to learn.

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  26. I know of a man that took out a huge loan at work to marry this big babe just to impress her and prove "haters" wrong. This is a girl that's used to sugar daddy pampering and the rest. He also borrowed from wedding vendors too
    After the marriage,the money he got was used to settle the vendors and there was still debt left.πŸ™ƒπŸ™„πŸ€£πŸ˜‚
    On the other had,when the loan is deducted from his salary, little or nothing is left.
    Life was so tough with them. The girl couldn't cope again and left him after a year or so.

    Now,huncle is paying loan till date on top wife that had left.
    Very funny but pathetic story

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    1. I don't feel sorry for him. I bet there was one or two simple girls who liked him but he liked big thing.

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    2. The guy and his ex-wife are birds of the same feather,who decided to live way above their means. I know a couple in a whose salary is about 300k, but they had a 'A class' wedding, everything was bought from top instagram vendors. After wedding, the man had to sell his car to pay the rent for their new apartment,they also didn't go for honeymoon because there was no money and they are still pretending and living the fake life.

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  27. This is the content I signed for.. We die hereπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜. This blog got my full attention.

    Oga, don't change the style of your story telling. Kudos

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  28. Keep it comingπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

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  29. We are waiting oooooo. Beautiful wirte up

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    Replies
    1. Are we going to wait till next Sunday to get the next episode 🀷🀷🀷 longer throat is doing me ooo πŸ₯΄πŸ₯΄πŸ₯΄

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  30. It's an interesting read. Anxiously waiting for the rest of the story. I just hope other married men on the blog can also contribute A lot of men need to tell their stories too.

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    1. Yes, so nice to get a man's perspective..........

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  31. For two people who have made up their minds to spend forever with each other, why stress yourselves out for just one day? I am over the big wedding thing and all that come "pre".

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  32. Oooooh! please do quick and come back 😏

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  33. Chai! We are waiting ooo
    Marriage no be small work and we keep learning and knowing each other everyday!

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  34. Nice one @poster... it's a breath of fresh air to get stories from a mans perspective.. I laughed out loud when you said "ugwongwo"🀣🀣🀣

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    1. I'm loving this too .
      Had to settle in properly before opening this post.

      Delete
  35. If I had my way, na only 50 people go dey my wedding

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  36. I already love the column. I beg hope it’s a daily thing o not weekly!!

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    1. Weekly! Daily will be too cumbersome

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    2. Daily would take the fun away. Twice a week is okay.

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  37. I knew it will be this good.. Am loving it alreadyyy. It's so good to hear from the guys though wedding nights are overrated. I was told to come and greet visitors from hubby's side. I excused myself to go and bath and passed out on my bed few minutes later. Couldn't even rest properly till we got back to Lagos.

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  38. Loving this already. Great read πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

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  39. I looooooove it, keep it coming sir!

    I can totally relate, kai i am nostalgic!☺

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  40. This is an interesting read, love this column already. Pls do and come and continue o.

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  41. Never a dull moment with SDK blog....
    Bring it on Bro,am here to read

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  42. This is indeed an intriguing one.
    I love chronicles of any kind as I look out for lessons therein.

    This man writes so well and I believe this will be a very interesting column.


    God, please bless me with a man that will make the journey a worthwhile one and equip us financially to be able to afford our needs.

    Amen

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  43. Marriage is good and I pray God blesses whoever wants it with a good spouse. God bless your marriages.

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  44. Looks to be interesting, I'm glued

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  45. Wow,I love this chronicles Stella
    This man write so well, please do come back with more stories.

    Am going to share this with my colleagues so they can also read and learn from it.

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  46. Can't wait to read more,quiet interesting.

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  47. Love this column already. πŸ‘πŸ‘

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  48. Wow! Poster, you write well. Dr. Ibe Kachikwu really rubbed off on you.

    MORE!!! πŸ˜€

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  49. Wow! This is very interesting. Please come back o😁😁😁. I want to hear what Redeemed Christian Church of God do to you.

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  50. Wow! Good Job SDK... I love this...Please give us the concluding part of the story...

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  51. If you are engaged this is the best year to marry. Use pandemic as excuse and have you a small wedding. Save your money for investments or vacation or honeymoon. Don't spend it on a judgmental society that will never be impressed no matter what you do.

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    Replies
    1. Every engaged girl on this blog, use this period as an excuse to get married that's if the man wants to settle down. This is the right time to sign and seal it. Don't get validation from people who wont help you at all.God is still God.

      Delete

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