Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative......

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Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative......

Hmmm,interesting Narrative!










STAND ALONE NARRATIVE:
MARRIED TO A GOLD DIGGER



Good day Madam Stella,

Please post in the Chronicle sections. It's a long read. Please bear with me. 


I was the lady that sent the mail that was published on 29th June last year. So I went ahead and married "the good man" and forgot about the other abroad guy. I was determined to make the marriage work and start loving him after all, they say love grows and loves is not enough in marriage. 


Everything was going on fine till during lockdown when I took in. Prior to my taking in, we agreed he will resign from his job under the guise of trying to complete his masters and start up on his own. 


When I took in, we started making plans for me to travel to maybe Germany or UK under the guise of education to give birth. He called his friend in Germany and that one agreed to help with the admission process and we will pay him. While waiting for that, a friend of mine encouraged me to try UK by myself since I wasn't going to spend anything. We tried that too. Then the process of raising money came, he actually dropped me at wuse market to sell my jewelleries to raise the deposit school required. 


Along the line, I lost the pregnancy. When my period started again, he said we should try and get pregnant again so that I can travel with pregnancy. I then told him that I am thinking we should hold on a little, let me go, know how things are there, get stabilized because there was no sufficient money. That if he wants me to be pregnant, then he should give me the balance of my fees and accomodation so I wont run into crisis when I come over.


 My husband flared up; and told me he is no longer in support of the trip that I should cancel it. That I should stay and give birth to one child before going so that he will have something to hold on to in the marriage. I told him I wasn't running away. I told him I had already sold my jewelleries, I had raised like 2million naira from the sale, that what will I do with the money if I dont go again.

 Besides, he doesnt even have a steady source of income and you want me to have a child in this condition? Meanwhile, we are living in Nasarawa state and I go to work in Abuja town. I wake up by 4am, get to the office by say 7:30 and get back home by 8pm or 9pm because of traffic that's leaving office by 5pm. I told him I was tired of the suffering, that this was an opportunity to upgrade and lift us out of poverty. 


Oh.. he started insulting me, "that I am very materialistic, that I want to control him the way i control my siblings, that I have refused to bring a land I bought to the family(I told him my mum added money for me to buy the land that I don't want to claim it yet, he got to know about the land because he prepared the documents), that i am not ashamed of myself that i came to his house empty-handed(the igbos have what you call "idu-mmadu", my mum said she didn't have money to settle me and true to it, my family spent money trying to renovate the villa house during the wedding so cash went down), that I didn't allow my people to settle me because I didn't want him to eat my money, that I am so stingy and wicked that's why I "stingyly" bring out 30k for us. 

 My salary is 80k, I send 30k to our family acc where he alone has access to the money(I was actually not interested in the money), oh..he said lots of things that broke me.


 During the wedding, he asked me what I will bring, i told him i didnt have cash but i brought 3 dubai bangles at that time that was worth 600k, i told him we can sell it to add to the wedding plans(meanwhile, I used 250k which was my office contribution for 5 months, I do with some people to sort out anything I needed without involving him). My mum took care of the cooking of the whole day. 


The only money my husband gave me was 800k. He kept complaining about how he spent so much during the wedding that I got pissed off one day and I asked him if he thought he was the only one that spent money. My husband said he knew I had a wicked heart and wanted to ruin him and he ran but I kept begging him to marry me. 


Then he started saying he wants divorce (for a marriage that was less than a year oh) that there's consensual divorce, that he is tired, that I should leave his house.


 I kept my cool because he wanted to involve my uncles about the divorce but I didn't want my uncles to know I was planning to travel. He said I was covering up claiming married that I should tell my people the truth. I kept my cool, looked for money and funded my account even though my husband had his brothers money that was in his possession, I told him, let's use it to fund my account(one of the times he was insulting me, he said because he didnt agree to give me his brothers money, that's why I am angry), i went out looking for money to fund my acc(i used the remaining Gold i didnt sell to borrow like 2m) and my family rallied the rest. 


One of the times, he told me I dont respect him that I went to borrow money without his consent meanwhile husband man never brought one kobo for the process. The few people he asked for money didnt have to give him and he didnt have any either. During the whole period, he was putting fire on me to leave his house with verbal abuse. 


He said there was nothing showing I was married (my friend helped me apply and put single because I hadn't changed my name) I work with a government agency and when we got married, i told my husband i want to change my name but my salary will be stopped for 3months, he said I should hold on until we are financially okay. So when we started applying, we put single because my certificates still had my maiden name. 


Well, school gave me admission and gave CAS, by then he had started apologizing for all the hurtful words he said, I discovered that I can actually go with my husband and kids if i had any, I did add him for the embassy and I was given visa. But the truth is I am so deeply hurt. I have told him that I really need the divorce now. I have told him I added him in the embassy for him to know that truly I had nothing in mind against him even though it has ruined my chances of getting married there and becoming a citizen but because he has killed me with his words...that now I know what he thinks of me. That he actually came for what he will benefit...my fathers property(one of the times we were having a peace talk, he said if my family gives him one property, is it bad? Then i asked him, is my family owing you a property?) 


I told him that if he came for property then sorry, non will be given to him because even me that is a member of the family, I don't even remember my late dads property. I am deeply hurt. I am so pained that he didn't even contribute a penny for my traveling and wasnt even supportive, now he can come as my dependants. My mum has told me to forgive and let go but how do I sleep with someone who at the slightest thing, he starts cursing me, my family, my siblings. 


I told him "he who lives in a glass house dont throw stones" he comes from the poor of the poor, yet he had the effrontery to tell me "I should look round his house, that i cant lay claim to anything in his house. One of the times, I told him if i were to sell everything in your house, it wouldn't have raised me up to 500k but I got 2m, borrowed 2m and my family gave me the rest and you have mouth to insult me? I told him that if I was the one that came from a poor home, only God knows the type of insult you will be hauling at me at the slightest provocation.


Please bvs, am I overreacting? I have told him I want the divorce. Let's go ahead with the divorce that I am not interested anymore. I am just so hurt. 

I am deeply hurt!!! 


Is this how marriage is? Is it that I have unforgiveness? Yes, he has apologized countless times but I am stunned at how someone can just insult you because he is angry. I told him that when I am angry, I talk about the problem not insulting the person.

I told him I wasn't trained insulting someone when I am angry but was really surprised and shocked at how someone's husband will insult his wife because he claimed he is angry.






*Hmmmm and you want to relocate with this kind of man?Well,he is a very childish man and i dont know if men like this can change....Expect more of this behaviour when you both travel unless you have money to be giving him.
It is a good idea to wait and not get pregnant so that if it breaks nothing will tie both of you together...
I really dont know what kind of advice to give you but if it is me,i would need some space from someone like this.

110 comments:

  1. Please divorce him and go abroad alone. This one will show you shege.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The way Naija guys marry for money these days eeh, e dey shock me...later they'll say it's ladies. Shame on all lazy ass men who depend on their wives...

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    2. Poster please travel alone..
      This one go give you plenty wahala

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    3. What I see here is 2 greedy people

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    4. Please divorce him and move on alone. I’ll do same.

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    5. Dump his ass now, else you will regret it. Run away before he kill you o.

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    6. I know you will still carry him and go.

      Better leave before him and arrange a life separate from him before he arrives because he will still fuck up again.

      When he arrives, let him hustle with you from day1. If he doesn't, divorce him there and face front! Let crossing abroad be his only gain (many will kill for that self).

      He is too toxic. Many poor people are like this! They see your packaging and assume your family stashed billions somewhere. You wonder why the rich marry the rich? To avoid useless wahala like this.

      Somebody will come into your life and destroy the pure love you have for them because all they want is the imaginary money they think you have. Meanwhile people like that will find it difficult to buy even biscuits for you.

      Mtschewww

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    7. Omo anon 15:42 the rate is so much these days o. Small thing they will be asking what do u do? Where do ur parents live? I always make myself seem to be earning less than they do to test for reaction. I made the mistake of dating down only once in my life and will never do such again. The guy really drag me in the mud with him after we broke up.

      Such people have nothing to lose as they may have lived a rough life n have not had life so easy n not as many opportunities so when they fall out with u they will play very dirty.

      Thankfully I did not marry him and he has ruined everything for any guy in a similar financial position so my eyes dey shine well these days. Each time pressure from my mom to marry one guy (that my aunt introduced but he is not financially up to par) is getting too much and I wanna give in, i see such evidence in stories like this one above. Ladies pls do not date down. Men can date down. Women are naturally nurturing and can grow to love a guy and also will remember him when she starts making money. You can't even know if a guy truly cherishes u until he makes it and doesn't need you financially

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    8. He is not going to change. He is trying be sharp about it.

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    9. I beg you, don’t take this man along. He will complicate your life and the regrets will be too much

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    10. I just relocated to UK to meet my hubby last year September and I can tell you that, even with hubby being supportive and all, living here is not as rosy as I thought it would be. Unlike you, I left a well paying job in Nigeria to be with hubby who is based there, I also saw it as a chance for better living. It’s been 5 months that I have been here now and I still don’t have a job because I have refused to apply for cleaning or care jobs which are the only jobs for immigrants who do not have a UK school certificate.
      What I am trying to say is, you really need someone that would be very supportive and diligent in working, even with my comfort, I was so cared that if hubby mistakenly lost his job, we could both be back in Nigeria as the unemployment rate in UK has increased due to COVID and Brexit. Based on your story, I can deduce that your hubby is really a good digger and would impact negatively on your sanity which you need. I am schooling now, with hope that hubby’s salary can sustain us and that I can build my side hustle while praying I get a good job after my Masters. Seriously, as a new immigrant, I miss the togetherness of family in Nigeria although I do not wish to return any time soon.

      I do hope I have helped you clear any doubts.

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    11. Dear Poster,
      As a man I can tell you...na one chance you enter. “The heart of men is terribly wicked, who can understand it? “...your husband is clearly in the marriage for his own benefit...leave am Waka. Leave am for Naija. Na these kind man Dey shoot wife for abroad because she Dey do better than him...receive sense.

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  2. So sorry dear poster for the horrible words your husband told you, but hey, he is still your husband. In marriage you have to keep forgiving and forgetting. Now he is very remorseful, sit him down and discuss with him on what he did that hurt you and how to move forward from it. You have a good heart including him in your application and God will bless you for it. Pls be a bit patient with him. Dont forget to involve God in all your affairs including your marriage. God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao. People like this man never change. Never ever . Mark my words.
      If it was a woman that displayed 0.1 percent of this nonsense here, they would have thrown her bags for her ouside.

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    2. My dear, forgive him but move on with your life. Marriage is hard, but even harder with a childish man...

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    3. ๐Ÿ˜ณ please don’t ever believe anything about him being ‘remorseful’. Hรฉ is being calculative because the visa scaled through. He will deal with you when you get there. He has shown himself now, please run. Forgive but don’t let him back in. Horrible Much!!!

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    4. He is not remorseful anything

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    5. Once you arrive Europe he will leave you to marry a citizen with this behaviour you've described

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  3. Na wa...

    When you dont have money, dont have a socialite wedding.

    Work on your issues, and give him another chance with a long spoon. Dont just jump out of a marriage like that..

    Unless u have another man in the abroad waiting which u dodnt include in yo gist.

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    Replies
    1. 800k plus 600 plus 250 plu mum cooking is nowhere near a socialite wedding.

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    2. Neither is it a broke wedding. Unless they wanted 5m naira cake, 10m decor and hall of 100m.

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  4. I don't know whoever sold this lie that "Love is not enough" in marriage. Love is the only ingredient that can sustain a marriage if you know the Scriptures.
    Jesus loved his bride, the church, that he paid with his blood. in John 3:16, Love is the only attribute mentioned there. Everything else depends on it.๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜♥๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She doesnt love him and he actually resents her

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    2. Hmmmmmmm either love is enough or not. Love is understanding the true meaning of commitment. It's not feelings or emotions but commitment is wat it takes to love.

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  5. This man will frustrate you should you go with him.. Go and face you study. Let him hustle here and find the rich princess to milk dry.

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    Replies
    1. Even here in Nigeria he is already frustrating her. The appology is because he know she is travelling. He is an entitled, gold digging, short tempered, abusive low life.

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  6. Aunt Poster....COMOT FOR THERE; NA BY FORCE TO MARRY, Please....mmmooovvveeee; go and better yourself both physically, mentally,emotionally and otherwise. Our Parents had serious shock absorber, not us. MMMMOOOOOVVVEEEE...This is also a hashtag endsars.
    Commot, before he talks you into committing suicide

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  7. I would also need some space from someone like this, to be honest. It may not be a divorce (you can call it anything) but I'll need some space.

    Use your discretion, sis.

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  8. I can't believe that someone who earns 80k used 1.65 million to do wedding, just blew that up in one day?
    Some money that could have been yielding incomes if well invested.
    Nne you helped to ruffle your bed and break the stand, share in the blame here. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon 15.22, poverty no good. What is 1.65million to do traditional marriage and church wedding? Are they going to wear rags or feed guests with kuli-kuli on both days or do wedding reception on the road? She seems to come from a relatively comfortable family, so it is not unexpected.

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    2. @16:36
      Really?
      Do "relatively comfortable family people" borrow 2Million to go to school? ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜
      I am a medical doctor and I spent less than 500k to wed. My salary is way beyond what this girl earns.

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    3. But if you didn’t get the visa will you have divorce on your mind? I agree that he is childish and I can predict that he would get there and he will be unbearable, you already gotten him the visa, allow him to go and use him emotionally until you can stand on your own. Make sure you don’t put your heart while dealing with him. Also, marriage is about forgiveness, I bet your siblings have said some hurtful things to you and you let it slide, please forgive, it makes you the greater person.

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  9. Poster I am not one of those that gave you advise to marry the good man or the abroad man. But what I want to say is when you people are coming to seek for advise from this blog, abeg tell the initial story well so that people can advise you well. I am sure a lot of the people that advised you to marry the good man will now come up to say well if you had plans to travel on your own, maybe you should have gone for the abroad guy. Either way, here is my advise. You need space. Take this man abroad and it will be one chance.thank God he showed himself adhead of time. God wanted you to see all this. Travel and go and succeed. Then after you must have seen how life is outside Nigeria, then I blive you will make informed decision on this issue.

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    Replies
    1. I wonder why she added his name sef. What sort of rubbish is that

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  10. You both have had a quarrel, and you have won. Let it go. You have put him in his place, and made him understand that 1) he is not entitled to your money or your family’s money 2) He can’t stall your life just because of his ego 3) You can achieve what you want whether he gets with the program or not; so I suggest you should let it go. Of course you feel resentful, his words were very terrible and showed the kind of person you got married to, but these are the things you look out for in the choice of a partner. Now you are married, you can’t just up and leave! Then it’s no longer marriage but something else.
    I say you have won because he has made a 360, obviously, he wants to go with you, and has to swallow those words he threw at you. Let it go. Give this time and it won’t hurt as bad.
    If you go without him, with this issue hanging over you both, that marriage will be as good as dead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with Mystic, you don marry am, give him another chance.. he knows your worth now so he wouldn't be disrespectful again and please focus on your future, your goals... He will improve on himself when he sees you are focused. I wish you all the best.

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  11. Poster please, if you like your life, do not go with him. Forget about the fact that you put his name, go alone without him. If you go with him, just know that you are relocating with a monster. He might end up killing you. I am giving you this advice from experience. My friend was in same position, she relocated to Canada with her husband, he killed her in cold blood and claimed self defense.
    No amount of begging should make you go with him. Please. For once, disobey your mother to stay alive biko NNE. Anyone that verbally abusive, would be physically abusive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That Man married you for what he can gain not out of love, he has shown you who he is if you like don't believe him and make excuses for him or listen to another wrong advice last last that man will kill you abroad and take all you have worked hard for and you should know that people can pretend well. Ladies shine your eyes o Men are becoming something else. He didn't even help you in anyway but was all out insulting you if the admission didn't work out he would have divorced you he is only apologising now because he worked out and what he stand to gain nothing more nothing less don't be fooled or deceived.

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    2. That Man married you for what he can gain not out of love, he has shown you who he is if you like don't believe him and make excuses for him or listen to another wrong advice last last that man will kill you abroad and take all you have worked hard for and you should know that people can pretend well. Ladies shine your eyes o Men are becoming something else. He didn't even help you in anyway but was all out insulting you if the admission didn't work out he would have divorced you he is only apologising now because he worked out and what he stand to gain nothing more nothing less don't be fooled or deceived.

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    3. 2 Timothy 3 vs 2 "For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy"

      This is literally that Bible passage coming to pass. People venturing into marriage now have got to be extremely careful. Times are evil. Nothing like love there. One has to use the brain and use it extremely well to remain unscathed when it comes to relationships today esp. Marriage. Weyrey poju

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    4. @Anon19:05, you are right.
      I'm so scared of getting married.I am one who loves peace and being on my own. I don't want a man that would subject me to any form of stress. God help me

      Delete
  12. Your husband is very petulant but i don't think he's a gold digger tho. I mean from the very beginning of your chronicle, he was onboard with your plans until it started looking like he's not included anymore then his tirades began.

    He really did you dirty but it seems you have checked out of the marriage emotionally, that's why you are finding it hard to forgive.

    Are you overreacting? No! Your feelings are very valid. Can you forgive him? Yes, you can if you want to.

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    Replies
    1. That Man is a very big gold digger. Poster if you like listen to stupid advice it is you that will suffer it in the end

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    2. 16:10 what advice did your nasty and rude self offer?

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    3. Poster please don't listen to this advice. A man that's after your late father's properties is the text book definition of a gold digger. I honestly don't see how this marriage can work because ot doesn't seem like either of you loves the other. Your man is a gold digger be wary of him please.

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    4. Persian did we read the same chronicle? Ha! The man that has calculated her father’s property for her? Lmao

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  13. Do you love this man enough?

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  14. Hmm
    Na wa o
    Dem no train this man well.
    Hmmm person with this mentality no dey ever change. Better prepare for a union full of insults and heartbreaks. Because it is clear this your husband will always exhibit this kinda behavior once you don't agree with him & at difficult times.
    Its your call. Your either leave or stay.
    Pele o.

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  15. Please what does CAS mean in the context of this story? ๐Ÿ™

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    Replies
    1. CAS stands for Confirmation of Acceptance for Studies. It's a UK student immigration requirement.

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    2. Confirmation of acceptance of study

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    3. Google and google

      Cas is a UK universities board that issue u the cert of satisfaction after conducting interviews, check your school doc etc and u use it to apply to UK Embassy for your Student Visa, ones you pass CAS u have 90% u get your UK Study Visa

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    4. Sorry to sound negative but why uk student visa.. why didn’t you try Canada first or a place where there is higher chances of adjusting your stay after graduation with cheaper fees

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  16. This hubby of yours wants riches not you either in Nigeria or abroad.

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  17. Do not take this man abroad with you. You don't have to divorce him, just take some space for yourself and watch him very well. I'm in Canada, and I made a friend that brought her husband here, and he had been behaving exactly like yours from the beginning, only difference is he beats her on top the verbal abuse.

    He is even worse now, coupled with them now having a child that he doesn't care about.
    The lady is a phd student that has to balance so much to make it work with the kids and he doesn't even send her and the child. Common to babysit so she can go to school or run errands he will take his car keys and leave the house. While he carries girls and does whatever he wants because he now officially has his permanent residence.

    You have seen the signs now, don't go ahead and then send back another chronicle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This thing dey happen a lot now. A lot of Nigeria men see marriage as a way to prop themselves up financially and nothing more. After they get what they want that 360 will shock you. I don't recommend a lady dating down, marrying down etc. Because it usually blows up in their faces

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  18. The guy is an oloriburuku somebody

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    Replies
    1. Why??? After he soend #800,000 on their wedding. To me they both greedy

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  19. After being single up till now at 39, and after changing boyfriends for several reasons some such a this, I've come to the conclusion that it takes two to tango. We all have short comings. If you don't learn to accept people for their flaws and acknowledge yours, nobody will be good enough for you.

    I think you need to tame your tongue, woman. No man remains 'husbandly' when they're disrespected, whether rich or poor. Infact, it's the poor ones that are more insecure.

    I want you to take an inventory of your husband's attitude and behavior overall. If you can score him 60 over 100, I don't think you should divorce him. I think you should seek and pray for wisdom to manage and improve him while working on yourself too.

    Marriage is not for kids and nobody is perfect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is the meaning of your first paragraph.. You can go ahead and marry the poster's husband. @39 you still reason like a child. Just imagine your second paragraph, where did you read she a was talking to the mam anyhow. In a bid to be a Mrs you did not see the nonsense maltreatment from the husband...

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    2. @ 39 u still have a long way to go in terms of wisdom. Lemme tell u u have not seen some men that even if u bow down to lick the floor your respect will never be good enough to make them happy or act kind towards you. Pray you never meet such and God will forgive you for judging this woman harshly.

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    3. Madam 39 go and sleep. You are not twins. Your mindset is why you are in your situation. Work on your reasoning and self esteem. Afi tango

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    4. I am in my 50s and can never marry a man like this again. Your husband sounds like my ex. A good for nothing gold digging lazy ass. Better to live alone with peace of mind. Madam, TRAVEL ALONE. This man will be a yoke around your neck if you make the mistake of taking him to the Uk with you. Be warned.

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  20. Thanks @orire people will just use marriage word as if it’s sacred to foul people no it’s not. He’s a giggolo don’t travel with him he’ll dump you there and look for a paying sugar mummy.

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  21. If you travel with him,it would not be funny, he go show you oh, please be careful. No you are not overreacting

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  22. Poster forgive him bet don't travel with him.

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  23. I don't know how to advise you cos it seems you have checked out already.
    But verbal abuse is a big NO for me.

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  24. I had to google your previous chronicle in order to appreciate this present one. There's no need flogging a dead horse, you married him already. I want to believe your husband was frustrated and took it out on you or maybe not. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh. Watch him closely. In my opinion, that husband of yours will run you street if you eventually take him abroad. He's a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. How does a man sit down and calculate your money, property etc? To think this man isn't a child o. Hmmmm. Wahala be like armed forces remembrance pigeon, e no gree fly( shout out to aboki my darling and teacher) ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ
    I don't need to tell you his real colours will appear further when you don't take him OR you can choose to forgive him, heal, make plans to travel with him and keep us updated.
    Say no to lazy men and women. Say no to gold diggers irrespective of their gender.

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  25. Marrying beneath your social circles MOST TIMES never ends in praise

    THE ELDERS 1582

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    Replies
    1. Gbam! Gbammer! Gbammest! Never marry beneath you. I am paying dearly for doing that..

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    2. One million likes anon 16.27

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    3. I say this thing on this blog everytime but seems una no dey hear word. There's a special kind of secret resentment that such men have for u when u marry them from poor background. N they have a huge sense of entitlement to YOUR money n properties. I dated a guy like that n it was by special grace of God that it did not end in marriage. I tested the guy n it frustrated him into showing his real colors. Now he has cast his net on a bigger fish that works abroad. God save that woman and open her eyes on time the way he did mine because those men can be so meek and sweet when you are their newest victim. Poster saying the man was a "good" man. why won't he be good? U ever see a person being wicked when they are begging for something. These guys are street smart and if u ain't the suspicious type they will pull a fast one on you.

      Delete
  26. poster I am really angry with you cos I remember your chronicle. exactly how you felt(that fear) is what I felt. it was a sign that I didnt have peace but I also went ahead to marry him. I bet you you have not seen the worst of him. the minute you take in the physical abuse will start. like you, my family is well to do but he comes from a poorer family. I am divorced now so I guess u know where I am headed. the thing God keeps telling you is not your mind playing games. is God speaking to you. start afresh and wait on God. the worst thing than being single is being married to the wrong guess. this guy has a low self esteem, big ego, he will insult you till you get depressed then hit you eventually. dont listen to anybody, not even pastors cos no pastor will tell you to leave your marriage. only you know what your have seen. but your heart

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He wants to use the baby and trap her. No more no less

      Delete
  27. Pls go ahead with the divorce for your peace of mind

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hhhhhmm. This story is not pleasing to the eyes and heart. I think you are very angry and hurt that is why the story is incoherent.

    I think you need your space for now. Let him evaluate the reason he married you. Verbal abuse is really a turn off in relationship because it breeds resentment. Forgiveness does not take away the hurt but you need to find a way to let go of his wickedness towards you. That is why I suggest you take a break from him before hate sets in. Also if you guys can go for counseling before you travel it will do both a whole lot of good.

    Lovelace

    ReplyDelete
  29. A successful marriage is indeed the union between 2 great forgivers. While I totally agree that your husband has to take his eyes completely away from what you own, I believe that what I read up there are tough challenges but are not grounds for divorce.

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  30. I am angry with you cos you were advised. you story it's exactly how I felt before marriage(fear) but like u I went ahead to marry him. i am divorced now.I am sorry but this guy will mess you up. he is exactly like my ex. good girls like you think forgiveness and a good heart will make a man change. read narcissism. you will understand your husband better. he will break you till you are depressed. I wish you all the best. I hop u know he will not change. you are stronger than you think. do what your heart told you initially and wait on God for your husband. cos this man is your downfall

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm just scared for your life should you relocate with this kind of man poster. Can you predict what his behavior will be like when he sees the good life abroad? Na naija he dey, he don faraya so o.

    Hnmmmm may God help you make a decision that you won't end up regretting. That's my prayer for you.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Please divorce and move on, don't take him abroad, God showed you that part of him for a reason.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thanks anon16.37

    ReplyDelete
  34. What me I see here is that, you both don't love/know each other well enough before saying yes

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  35. Agreed, the marriage is still too young to be saying divorce. Husband no dey UK o, nowadays men are just looking for who to fool around with. Just take your worries to God in prayer and forgive so that you don't have hypertension biko

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And they told u that there is husband in naija abi. Lmao. See nonsense. U are part of the problem making naija women so desperate that they fall into the trap of users like this man

      Delete
  36. Poster you better don't travel with this man else you will send in another chronicle. This man is only after your money, your family property, he is only apologising because your plan is working out well and that will benefit him.

    Once you both travel and he doesn't get what he want, guy man will frustrate your life till you go gaga. You better share goodness in fellowship and go for your study. You will meet better men who are not after your money but are ready to treat you like a queen.

    ReplyDelete
  37. You were very STUPID to have put his name on the visa application someone that didn’t support you anyway even made it clear to you he was with you for your Family’s Properties and Money!!! When will Women stop enabling Gold diggers because of I must marry at all cost. You should have used the opportunity to go abroad to break up with him and start a new life over there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very stupid women they are the ones enabling these men and comimg out crying foul what do you expect?. See that one up there saying no man in uk that is why they die in marriages like fowl. Leave her now let her not follow her instinct and be looking for people's advice up and down. Women and pastors that will advice you to stay and be praying for an abuser to change is who you expect to take advice from that man have shown you a little of what he his if he doesn't get what he wants from you his going to either divorce you or kill you. Him wanting pregnancy by all means is to tie you down nothing o because his you that will still take care of the whole responsibility. Yes I am shouting because I left one efulefu like that your husband what my eyes saw ehn I can't even begin to describe it nobody told me to run.

      Delete
  38. This is what I would do, I would actually divorce him and start my life anew. He is a gold digger!! You are not obligated by law or any other rule to hand over your income to your husband. No, never allow a man feed your brain with this rubbish.

    I's rather divorce him now and cry, than 5 years down the line, this man would obviously not change

    ReplyDelete
  39. Repentance is very far from this idiotic husband of yours,you made a huge midtajm of marrying him in the first place,can't you see he is a minus to you and a huge setback you won't would have been in the abroad already but look how he is dragging you backwards,I hate divorce but pls go without him if it's still possible,also state your conditions for him to change and if he's not willing to,move on,he's your greatest mistake,sorry d nigga doesn't love you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When she leaves without him,he'l go about spoiling her name as a bad wife that left him when her bread got buttered.
      That's why i don't take those ones that rant about women here seriously. They will never tell you the real story behind their bitterness knowing they are the architect of their own problems.

      Delete
    2. Forget the conditions. He'l pretend and agree to whatever she says cos he wants to travel with her. Its when they get there he will unleash the real demons in him.

      Poster you read/listen to news right? Do not add to the statistics of Naija women killed by their husbands abroad. Just forget this guy! Do not go with him.

      Delete
  40. Dear poster,
    That man didn't marry you, he married what he can get from you. He never loved you, he is in love with what he can achieve through you.
    Arm yourself with this truth and take your decision.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Pls make show you go without him and observe his character from afar,meanwhile be open to dating when you get over there,make sure you don't repeat any mistake you made with your husband,if you find someone that loves and treats you right quickly come back and divorce his sorry black ass after all he asked for it,life is too short to spend with your toxic husband soon to be ex,FLEE POSTER FLEEE

    ReplyDelete
  42. Why does it seem like most of these marriage chronicles are some how, almost like the people were completely strangers when they got married. How can folks who are still supposed to be in the honeymoon period get so nasty. Why do ppl speak so unkindly to each other all over the things of life that are passing.

    Some ppl can never have wealth because the way they would treat ppl, they would walk and spit on ppl to how puffed up they would become, so God just hold them below because He sees their heart. Look at how he is watching and craving things that do not even belong to you, but your family. And keeping a balance sheet on every penny he has spent๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿพ I can't with these balance sheet relationships.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I don't encourage divorce but madam be very careful and prayerful with this kind of man...As per the future, if you change your mind I'll advice you keep your personal stuff(properties that you will still acquire and family acquisition known to yourself alone..God be with you.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Sweetheart, runnnnn, married a similar man to yours, their toxicity comes from their low self esteem as a result of their poor background. They can never change.. after 15 horrible years, just filed for divouce . What about their family cobwebs and their orientation? Sorry state

    ReplyDelete
  45. Travel alone. Let him find his own way and join you. But you will have coconut head and bring him with you. And your third chronicle will come. If he comes abroad and gets you pregnant OYO is your case. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Taking from experience your husband will not change. He's begging now because you are travelling abroad infact he will become worse like beating you. Your husband's character is the same like mine. My husband is from poor background while i am from middle class but never a day he will not insult my family even my parents.Before I married him he was managing till today he still blames me that,am the one preventing from being successful that I'm a witch. He even beats me on any tiny argument. The one that broke the camel's back, was when he told his people that my late mother was a bad woman that's where I learnt all my behaviours from.My mother he never met. From that day I made up my mind that enough is enough. We are separated now. The mistake you made was adding his name in your travelling document.If you people go the UK he might hurt you so bad cos he knows that there is nobody to defend over there

    ReplyDelete
  47. You won’t listen anyway so I don’t know why you sent this chronicle but here is my 2cent

    DO NOT TAKE HIM TO THE UK AS A DEPENDANT because if after 3 months in the UK you decide you no won do again with him in the UK you are still liable to support him for 2/3years.

    Use your head and go alone and send your fam to return the bride price while you are in UK alone for safety reason because this guy is desperate and a desperate man Issa dangerous man

    The choice is yours
    Shalom

    ReplyDelete
  48. Poster use your wisdom o.
    don't let him know you want to divorce him o let him not hack you to death because this your husband is so desperate, just go alone and divorce him when you are already there. Gold digger oshi

    ReplyDelete
  49. Ladies never marry down I beg u. I married down for love and the family’s collective inferiority complex has affected everything. When their son cheats they always find a way to justify it. They come to my house and have a sense of entitlement about it all. As for their son he has no money and acts like because we are married I should do everything. I have finally had enough and run. 10 years wasted.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Hmmm. I've observed that the majority of women who marry down have really bad experience.

    ReplyDelete
  51. You should pray very well. Pray and let God continue to guide you.

    Based on your version of events, this isn't a marriage worth staying in as verbal abuse is already accepted and will only escalate to physical violence sooner or later.

    I suspect you've already been praying and God allowed things to happen so this man revealed his true self to you, but keep praying sis. Let the full plan of his unravel, so you will know what to do. What I know is God never steers you wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Pls end this rubbish you call marriage. Haba, you are earning 80k and you drop 30k for him and he still complains? what a useless man indeed, his mates are providing for their families single handedly

    ReplyDelete
  53. Why didn't you apply for a University in either Canada or Germany, the UK doesn't give permanent resident after graduation

    ReplyDelete
  54. There are some chronicles that need advice.even a blind man will know he is after what you have.so please love yourself first and travel alone biko.if the tables were turned you will smell hell

    ReplyDelete

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