Stella Dimoko Chronicles Of A Married Man - 10


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Sunday, January 31, 2021

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 10

Does reading this Chronicle make you look forward to getting married? It should!!!

It is widely believed and published that married couples even with happy marriages do have s#x at most, three times weekly… my experience has proven that to be true. It even gets worse for some couples who barely do it for once a week.

As the years go by, especially for couples who have had children, sex becomes a routine and obligatory task which has to be done even if one of the partners does not enjoy it. It gets boring and a drag. Age, menopause and mid-life crises also add to the list of s#xual fun killers.

This may sound gory and discouraging for young unmarried people as this is not the kind of “lifetime fun” they were anticipating for. But alas…that’s the bitter truth.

 The fact that you get to see the same naked body and probably tried all the God-knows “styles” and positions and played out all your sexual fantasies together; and now you are wondering…what next! My dear it’s a “we die here” something. So, you have to figure out how to manage it for the rest of your married life.

Let me tell you how I have been holding up for the past years and counting…

The key is communication.

Like I said the last time, sex is a form of communication. And a large part of this communication goes with knowledge of your spouse and understanding them for who they are and who they have become as the years goes by.

It’s is madness for me to expect that the woman who has given birth to three children and has had CS, will be looking hot and sexy after more than eight years of marriage. Of course, the body has changed and naturally the sex appeal will not be like it used to be. So, one way of getting to “enjoy” her is by appreciating with she has become and knowing her on a different level than just the hot sexy girl I married years ago.

She on her part, she has learnt to complain less and avoid unnecessary nagging. She instinctively knows when I am really tired or stressed out and understood when to give me space. She has also understood that quality sex is a part of the whole package, sometimes she learns to compensate with other parts of the package.

We spend more time talking now than fucking. Basically, I try to make her “come” first and will follow later. These days, even “one good round” is precious. 

We also find time to visit our popular “joints” when we can; I have learnt to spend more times with her in the kitchen other than my normal weekend cooking, and we now engage in things the are more family oriented.

So, the deal is this…as the sex time drops (which it definitely will), learn to compensate by doing other things with your spouse together that will keep the bonding going. Learn to know her in other dimensions and evolve with her as the times go by.

For the women, learn more about your husband’s profession or work. The same goes to the men. As the man grows in his career, he wants to go home and meet a wife that can communicate with him about work and even give him advice and guidance. The man wants to be able to engage with his wife about politics, sports and other technical issues. At such point, the man wants a wife that will nag less and be more practical about the realities of their marriage instead of “keeping up with the Joneses”. By doing all these, the emphasis will shift away from sex to other issues of life which are equally important.

However, you still need the keep the engine of the sex life going no matter what.

Please do not get me wrong, my marriage is still fun and I am enjoying it. But the reality is that sex is not as “fun” as it used to be. And we have come to accept that while developing other aspects of our marriage. My wife has become my best friend and I get new revelations about her as the years go by.

I do not encourage people to divorce especially due to lack of sex, except their lives are at risk. Trust me, most of the problems you think you are facing in your marriage are not new neither are they peculiar to your marriage alone. So, not having the best sex is not the biggest problem you can face. But always trying to keep the communication lines open. Learn to talk to your spouse about how you feel and about your lack of sex thereof.

And one last thing, guys learn how to give good massage to your partner. One way of being “woke” as a man in this age is to know how to give a good massage. Even when the sex becomes boring, giving her a good massage will help make her feel good, reduce stress and in some cases even make her “come” before the main event. I learnt the wonders of massage at a young age and I have been perfecting it over the years. It’s one of those things that still keeps my sex life going.

The story of sex in marriage cannot be completed even in one life time. I am sure we will be visiting it again in the future as there are other aspect I didn’t talk about. However, let’s move on.

So, next week I will be telling you about Amaka… I am sure you want to know who she really was.



  1. Lovely narrative 👏👏👏

  2. I enjoyed reading this... I am waiting for amaka's gist

  3. Yeah you are right, well written

  4. Exactly, not everything is about sex, there are so many things to do or talk about. Sex is important but not the key to a happy marriage. Some couples should read and digest this.

  5. I refuse to accept this as my reality. Me and my husband must enjoy decades of hot knacking till we’re damn near our graves and we wouldn’t tire of each other’s bodies 😭😭😭

    If my parents are still actively knacking at their age (don’t ask me how I know) and still seem to be deeply into each other, why can’t I have the same?🥺

    1. Chile, you are way in over your head.

      There are 3 stage of knacking
      1) Honeymoon stage (no babies)
      2) Drought stage (the bare intercourse few and far apart)
      3) Ancient stage (old wrinkly sex) which is prolly the stage your parents are at. 🤣

    2. Perxian, don't worry your head over this pikin. She think say na by shouting.

    3. Perxian listen, I choose not to accept that however a girl can only dream 😥

      who you calling a child? And who is shouting? Abeg go and service your significant other and leave me alone.

  6. I’ve been married for almost 9yrs with 3 kids. Our sex life has gone to shit. I’ve tried everything & it now looks like parenting is all that she does now.

    God help me not to cheat.

    1. 13:35 did you get her a dedicated elderly nanny to help with the children?

      Do you have date nights, say fortnightly?

      Do you shower her with attention and open communication?

      Did you space your kids? Did you allow her post-partum body to come back?

      Do you exercise together or go to the gym?

      Would you pay for her to get cosmetic surgery done (tummy tuck) ❓

      How often do you shop for her - quality shopping (clothings, perfumes, jewelry, hair)?

      Do you go on vacation alone?

      Please, go back to the basics of your toasting and courting days.

      There, you have your answer!

  7. A woman is all about how you take care of her, especially emotional support. And how you make her feel secure in your love.
    You've really had some nasty experiences in marriage.
    I have had a CS, had four normal deliveries. I am more than four decades in years and married for more than a decade and half. I am still fertile and mensturate normally. My husband and I still enjoy sex. There is no sexual intercourse between us that I do not attain orgasm, same with him. I have a more sex appealing physique than even before I married, and he tells me so. I am a career woman and some hardly distinguish between me from my teenage daughters.
    You want to know the secret?
    Go and read about the life of sarah, whom at age 90, men lusting after her recommended her to the (Gen. 12)King Pharaoh who took her into his palace to be his wife before God intervened!
    If you as a couple have your love founded on the principles taught by Christ, you'd have honeymoon for the rest of your lives; that has been my own experience! 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

    1. Thank you ma. Your last paragraph is the truth, caramelized to perfection.
      When I see single ladies express fear over marriage because of the gory stories they hear, I almost want to scream at the top of my lungs, " Marriage is sweet, when you get it right". Getting it right means having a right relationship with God to start with and having him direct your path which eventually leads to Him connecting you with one of his responsible, God-loving and God fearing bloke.

      Assuming you skipped that part, the mercy of God is still available, if both of you can reconstruct your foundation and set it upon the solid rock which is Christ, then stability is sure.

      Are there couples who do not have this foundation and have a blissful marriage? Perhaps, but this theory is essentially for those with the spiritual orientation of Christian living.

      I wish I could go into details of the sweetness of my half a decade marriage too but I have learned on this blog that oftentimes, people don't believe stories of good marriages. Before you say 'Jack' someone will question the faithfulness of your spouse and start bringing up infidelity issues that are non-existent.

    2. @15:15
      Irrespective of the nay sayers, I relate my experiences. Believe it or not, you are undoing yourself not me.
      People so easily believe in evil and the power of the devil, but they will question everything godly, that's the
      human being for you. It shows how shamelessly godless folks have become in this last days. Please go ahead and share your
      story. SDK's blog is for stories; good or bad, we will read it. If only one person believes you, you have achieved your aim.
      You have saved one soul, one marriage and perhaps, more!

    3. Aunty pls read your bible well, Abimelech took Sarah while Abraham was still on his journey to settle his family . Pls Sarah gave birth at 90 she wasn’t taken at 90. Why did she laff when the angel said she was going to have a child? Because she Was already old and wrinkly then probably 89. Abimelech took when she was young and sexy oh not at 90. Pls don’t twist the story becos you want to make a point

    4. 17:33. Prove your point.

      About how old do you think Sarah was when Abimelech desired her?

      This is Bible study time o! Lol

  8. Married for 4 years now and sex is not appealing to me again, may be because of my wife's attitude. Give her money to change her undies it becomes so difficult for her. Even to make her hair, I have to talk & talk till my brain spins.

    1. Looking for excuse to justify ur cheating... chai... continu oh

    2. rEad the comment above your own.

    3. Sorry about that. Maybe u should try a new tactics by teasing her about unkept women and how they can lose their spouse to well kept women

    4. @Olomo
      Playing with divorce and adultery is what you call "teasing?"
      I see you are teaching the man the way to scatter his home. 😮😮😮😮😮

    5. Buy her the undies yourself. Take her out (like on a date) to the salon. Assist her more at home, whether or not she has a maid.

  9. Hmmmmm, why do most couples enjoy sex in relationship (while dating) than in marriage?

    When they start dating, they can't do without having sex more than 5 times in a week but when they get married, it becomes a different story. Why?

    1. Who go answer this question now?

    2. In relationships, there's a sense of 'precious time' spent with the SO before you have to return to your base. They are still getting to know each other, so everyone wants to show out.
      In marriage, the realities of the responsibilities can be destabilising; especially for the womenfolk.
      Its now everyday cooking and home-keeping unlike before when it was only when she went to weekend at his place or as the spirit led.
      Then add on kids and the fact that 1st time mums get consumed in their entirety by their child(ren). The man gets resentful of not being her main focus like before and distances himself. The woman is naturally overwhelmed by this new experience and sinks further into her own realm.
      This shift in focal point and lack of spare time is the main reason for the reduction in sex.

    3. "... unlike before when it was only when she went to weekend at his place or *as the spirit led*.

      Please, it is THE FLESH that leads and misleads people to premarital sex.

  10. Really enjoy reading your post. More wisdom to you Sir.

  11. So, next week I will be telling you about Amaka… I am sure you want to know who she really was.

    Sir,is it who Amaka was or who Amaka IS?
    By the way, huncle, you know too much about having the somewhat perfect marriage. Men that tend to know this much,I dey fear them 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

    All in all,all I've gotten from today's write up is that one should marry one's best friend

  12. You mean people(couples)have sex up to 3 times a week? Is it not too much?? Well I don't know sha. I don't know how it all works. There's a lot to learn.

    Let me be married first. But Las Las I don't know if I will be able to keep up. Let me just wait till that department is activated.

    I honestly want to marry my friend. I want to enjoy my marriage. So help me God

  13. You mean people(couples)have sex up to 3 times a week? Is it not too much?? Well I don't know sha. I don't know how it all works. There's a lot to learn.

    Let me be married first. But Las Las I don't know if I will be able to keep up. Let me just wait till that department is activated.

    I honestly want to marry my friend. I want to enjoy my marriage. So help me God

  14. I like the part where you can use your love language to replace sex..

    The writer's own is clearly "Act of Service". 👍🏻

  15. No two Marriages can ever be the same. It all balls down to those involved and how they walk their way thru it. It's true that most people with high libido before marriage tends to shy away from sex after marriage, but its not a time to give up on sex life but to work on it and see how that can revive it.

  16. I enjoy reading this. Okay o, next week is almost here.

  17. Anonymous 13:35 and 13:51 you both are the ones cheating yourselves.
    13:35 if all she does is parenting, then you are slacking somewhere. If you join her in parenting; not just providing funds, then she'll have time to rest, feel sexy and pay more attention to you. Do you think a woman is a robot that can compartmentalise her feelings as suits you? Have you tried stepping up in childcare & giving her time to rest/nap, watch the kids so she can go out with her friends and come home feeling youthful and tipsily sexy? You better recognise where you also need to play a more active role.
    13:51 if you buy her the undies or lingerie, will you die? If you hire or get someone to watch the kids and take her away for a romantic weekend or dinner once in a while, will she refuse? The care and support you invest in her will be reciprocated back a 100 fold.
    If she thinks undies are not a priority, what does she use the money for? Figure that out fast & learn what's important to her.
    Finally, men no longer have monopoly of cheating; she can discover if you stray and reciprocate (no woman stays neglected forever), she will seek joy too.
    From today, be more hands-on, buy her little treats, give her pampering time and watch her blossom into a juicy sex mate.
    All of you should pray about it vocally with her, so she knows how much it's impacting you guys.

    1. @Anonymous 15:08, never knew women who cheats back are also seeking joy too. Didn’t even know one spouse is seeking joy when he cheats, so there is joy in cheating, wish you could enlighten us more in the joy in cheating

  18. That is why they say sex isn't everything joor, its true, sex no be food.
    Everyone of us will cross that bridge when we get there

  19. I love this. Waiting to read about Amaka next week.

  20. I love your write-up and I just pray my hubby will be like you.weve been married for 15yrs but this man won't let me rest and think abt my future and that of my kids in peace..everyday sex sex and sex.if I refuse he'll start making malice,like he's doing now since yesterday.i only sleep well during my periods.And it's not as if we are Ttcing o,I'm even done with childbirth.At this stage I am,sex shouldn't be our priority na,we've to think and plan abt our kids Future na..wo I'm tired oo.

    1. Lmao!
      After the do, when you’re winding down, you can think better.
      Don’t be tired you hear

    2. Wow 15 years n your hubby still finds you sexually appealing to be chasing you up n down .You're lucky.i know it can be tiring tho

  21. @anon 16:22

    We’ve got 2 nannies. My kids are well spaced. I’m a provider & most times when I buy things for her, she never appreciates so I stopped buying rather I give her the money for it. We live in a high brow area on the island. Kids were born in the US & the cash flow is still good. I’m not a violent person & I don’t cheat. I also do my bit for her people. She’s lost her focus on the marriage & she now concentrates on parenting.

    Please tell me, don’t I try? I’m trying to prevent a door from opening cos it’ll be difficult to close it if it opens.

    1. Please don't open that are a Good is a phase most women go through... COMMUNICATION is missing in your home. Take her out this weekend and explain your feelings in details to her. You loved her and married her. Don't allow anything to destroy that bond.
      You are also the head of your home. Pray for your wife. Child training can really be challenging and take the focus of the Home. I was once a victim and my hubby helped me retrace my steps...i still fail sometimes but I am better.
      I am rooting for your marriage plsssssss🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

    2. Oga I'm also rooting for your marriage.

      Don't give up on your marriage abeg.

      Plan a romantic dinner this valentine, take madam out, "toast her" afresh and watch her melt like butter.
      Trust me on this, as a hard "babe" myself. Na my husband format be dat o.

  22. Don't even know how to start my own story, it's so long but I hope to send it one day as a chronicle and my title would be a sexless marriage.
    My husband has an extremely low libido couple with financial challenges.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

  23. .i have been married 16 years this year and love making is expressed in many ways for us. at the beginning we use to make love like every 2-3 days, but now lets say averagely 4-5 days. some times we even stay 2 weeks sef...our relationships is fine and we laugh and play, pillow fights sef during the day and everyone just go sleep. sometimes we would gist till 4 am in the morning hubby always will touch my boobs like 100 times in a day when we pass each other. sometimes i go vex and other times i will just smile and tell him to waka far. the days we don't even make love we sleep and our legs might just be on top of each other if we don't cuddle. we give each other massages once in a while too. what i love about our sex life is anytime we make love we both cum..i don't come through penetrative sex but once he does his thing he will touch me till i cum, that is if i did not cum during fore play. marriage is sweet sha

  24. I’m tired of begging my husband to massage me. Even when I’m pregnant I’ll beg and beg, the only thing he can do is hold his phone on one hand (he can press phone for Africa) and then place the other hand on my feet( not massaging o). Sometimes my back hurts so much that I beg my house girl to massage me. I don’t know how else to get him to do it.


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