Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Mrs Dee's Corner - Accepting/Enforcing Financial Assistance From Aged Parents...

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Friday, January 08, 2021

Mrs Dee's Corner - Accepting/Enforcing Financial Assistance From Aged Parents...

Parents should enjoy the fruits of their labour when they are old right?








It's the desire of every good parent to equip their child(ren) with the necessary tools that will enable them to fend for themselves in the future by being independent and eliminate becoming a nuisance to the family and society. 


Albeit certain factors such as the loss of a job, death of a provider and an investment gone wrong can cause an adult child to lose all they have laboured for and start life afresh. While some resolve to 'double their hustle' to avoid being a burden to their aged parents by asking for money, food or shelter, some others have no qualms about rashly demanding for money and even resort to threats or stealing.


I witnessed a situation where an old mother was complaining bitterly about how her married son with children whom hard times fell on was always on her neck for food and money. She was not just angry, she was livid because each time she turned down his request,he would go to her farm, harvest her cassava and sell for quick cash.


I have been in that place when things were a tad difficult for me and after trying to explain to my mum why I couldn't send her her monthly upkeep, she offered to help in her little way but I vehemently refused. It was hard for me to picture myself still accepting money from her instead of being the giver.


I am of the school of thought that our aged parents should be our last resort in seeking for financial relief, considering the fact that they have done their best for us. Even if a child decides to accept financial help from willing parents, it should be with a mindset of taking a loan which will eventually be paid back once the affected child bounces back.


At old age, parents should be enjoying all that they have worked for, it's not a time for grown children to squander their savings and investments.

31 comments:

  1. There are no hard and fast rules about this.
    In this day and age when an average Nigerian graduate is looking for a job after a decade of graduation.
    Where the government of the day has so impoverished the citizens that having a first class even in such fields as Engineering is not a guarantee for any better future?
    If ones parent is well of and can be of help to their offspring to thrive and keep body and soul together, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in being the receiver.
    The rule and giving and receiving does not have teams A and B like a soccer game. Anybody can be hit with bad times, anyone can also be a giver. 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 👍👍👍,Not that kids should be entitled to their parents taking care of them, but if the adult children are hit with hard times and parents can help, then they should please help.

      Delete
    2. All govt have to do is fix electricity and roads, especially roads leading to farms. In less than a decade Nigeria will be a different country. Nigerians are intelligent and smart, hard working.

      Delete
    3. Insecurity is a problem
      Alex

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    4. You spoke well Alexander

      Delete
  2. I got married immediately I left school as a doctor. I looked for a place for housejob for about 2 years. My mom was constantly sending money, food and beverages to my pregnant wife, child at some point and myself.
    It was a very trying time and I did not feel any shame for a situation that was none of my making. That is Nigeria for you dear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why would you get married when you didn't have a source of income? So that means your mum had to pay for the wedding and take care of your family or at least the first two years of your marriage.

      It's your responsibility to take care of your family. Nothing like "That is Nigeria for you".

      Delete
    2. @12:55
      You jumped into conclusion like a typical Nigerian.
      A society where a doctor is looking for a job has failed.
      My mom or nobody paid for my wedding. My wife and I did so, with our
      savings. It was our decision to get married. We did not oblige my mom
      to help us. She was just doing her wish.
      If you care to know, marriages can be sweet and not costly.
      Do we regret that decision? No and never.
      That our first child is in the university in a western country reading the course
      of his dreams.

      Delete
    3. @anon13:52, my apologies for jumping into conclusion. We just read a chronicle not too long ago of a cheating husband living under his parent's roof with his wife. I personally know of men who feel entitled to their parents' money and are still disturbing them with their own family responsibilities when their parents are supposed to be retired and enjoying their old age, hence my reaction.

      Delete
    4. @14:40
      Apologies accepted. Keep an open mind and you will learn a lot.
      No stereotype in life.

      Delete
    5. No source of income delay marriage

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    6. Anon 12:55, oooowwwwww.
      God bless your mum. She's so considerate and sees your future home to have belived that phase must pass.
      Now, tell me why mothers (parents) like that can't reap bountifully the fruit of their labour. Please shower her with love.
      @sdk, I think its a 2 way thing, no formula or ration of who should give or not. No one should feel entitled either to receive at all.
      Nigeria has failed its citizen tey tey, no be today...

      Delete
  3. Mrs Dee I agree that we should help our parents but sometimes entitlement mentality comes in and parents are now using their kids as ''retirement packages''..It is good that we give our parents and reward for their sacrifices and all but parents need to show example that you must live a prudent and teach kids to be financially responsible..Appreciate what is given to you but don't become so entitled to your kids' money..That is my take...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you even read the article? She's talking about adult children being dependent on parents, not the other way round.

      Delete
    2. Did we read the same article?

      Delete
  4. I don't see anything wrong allowing your parents assist you when things are tough. You shouldn't get too comfortable though. My mum is a buisness woman & doing well for herself. When hubby & i were financially down my mum was always there for us. She will send money to me & even buy foodstuff. Its funny that I don't even ask her sometimes, she will just call to say she is feeling it in her spirit that I need her assistance. I'm happy that today hubby and I are doing well again & we haven't failed in showing our appreciation to her all the time. Perhaps is it not better to ask your parents for help than go to friends that might later mock you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Atimes we abuse the privilege. Some might even think that is their parents' right to still cater for their needs.
      Where the parents are not capable at all, who will they turn to.

      I believe only the bouyant ones still do that.

      Delete
  5. I don't see anything wrong allowing your parents assist you when things are tough. You shouldn't get too comfortable though. My mum is a buisness woman & doing well for herself. When hubby & i were financially down my mum was always there for us. She will send money to me & even buy foodstuff. Its funny that I don't even ask her sometimes, she will just call to say she is feeling it in her spirit that I need her assistance. I'm happy that today hubby and I are doing well again & we haven't failed in showing our appreciation to her all the time. Perhaps is it not better to ask your parents for help than go to friends that might later mock you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think it's only irresponsible children who are comfortable being dependent on their parents especially when the parents are done paying thier school fees. They don't owe you anything apart from school up to your BSc.

    The entitlement mentality I see in most adult children especially the males is baffling. They expect the parents to even look for jobs for them and even at that, still depend on parents for rent and other things. They never learn how to manage their finances and end up putting so much burden on their parents. See one comment of a man who got married without a job as if it's ok for his mother to be footing he and his family's bill for sometime. Why would you even feel comfortable getting married without a job? Reminds me of a lady I know who was paying for everything including rent and medical bills for her son, his wife and their children.

    Seriously, parents need to do better in raising their children. Let's stop using Nigerian economy as an excuse. There are people who are orphans and have had to struggle on their own. No parents to fall back on. Do they have two heads?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its May you not see problem in this life o. I know your type

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    2. @anon14:@9, I'm referring to children who feel comfortable being dependent on their parents when they are fully grown adults.

      Delete
    3. @14:19, she/he actually raised a good point. The best you would have done was given your side of the argument. I disagree because... or what about situations where...and that will be a civil communication. Your response is the emotional manipulation they teach you, which serves no purpose. Anon won't see any life problem and basic laws of finance will continue.

      Delete
    4. They keep blaming nigerias economy for poor choices. Nigerias economy has been bad since 19 gbo gboro. We all know that. So plan accordingly!
      . Dont start popping out kids when you are not financially bouyant!.

      Delete
  7. If your parents are well to do financially, I don't asking for assistance once in a while is an issue. Just imagine that you father is Dangote and you need financial assistance, I believe the first person you will call, it's your dad

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well it all depends on if ur parents can afford it.

    No sane parent will even see their kids no matter how old suffering or in need and not try to do something about it especially if they can. Most parents live for their kids so it's usually nothing to them.

    That's why I am usually so upset with those who choose not to take care of their deserving parents just cos westernization is telling them it's not their responsibility cos I trust those parents to come through if the reverse was the case.

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  9. Parents that loves their children comes through for them in difficult moments especially when they have what it takes. Even without the children asking they help out and even force the children to accept. It becomes a problem when some children are entitled, lazy and don't know their limits. Some will even tell you it's their parents and they are entitled to their help.Some lazy ones will wish their parents dead to acquire properties.

    Accepting help from parents is good, but the wise ones should have a limit to it and also hustle hard to grow and return the favours. Most importantly children should also consider their parents ability when seeking help from them.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My parents help us out when they can. My father can just wake up and send his 5 children 2m each. It happens about once a year. He also sends something for his 12 grand children every sept to
    be used towards their school fees. We have asked
    him to stop but he says he has nothing else to do and the money is ours so we should leave him. We try not to ask but once or twice when there are serious issues we ask and he always helps us out. We also buy them things they don’t ask for as a way of reciprocating.

    ReplyDelete
  11. There is a disturbing trend of above 30 year old males still at home, idle babied by mothers who do not want to let go often using them as emotional replacements for dead or MIA husbands

    Entitled , foolish yet feel deserving of a wife such lazybones look for desperate or gullible women to continue from where their mothers stopped

    Omo Alhaja or Mama so and so son at 42 even 50 living baby boy life in his mothers house feeling like landlord

    ReplyDelete

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