Hmmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
When I was done with my secondary school, I applied for a job in my home town. The company is owned by a well to do man from a well to do background in my home town too who lives abroad. On one occasion, he saw me and asked why I wasn't in school yet. I told him I wanted to raise money to register for Jamb.
He then encouraged me to write jamb and that he will see what he can do. I wrote the Jamb and passed, got admission and he began paying part of my fees while I worked to take care of other things. He has since been very supportive and along the line encouraged me to learn a skill which I'm still learning.
I go to school, work and learn a skill.
Now to the issue on ground. At first, whatever I had with him was official. He was my boss but only offered to help so I was very formal in my dealings with him but at a point, he asked me to relax and see him as an ordinary person and feel free around him.
Now to the issue on ground. At first, whatever I had with him was official. He was my boss but only offered to help so I was very formal in my dealings with him but at a point, he asked me to relax and see him as an ordinary person and feel free around him.
As time went by, I began to feel comfortable talking to him and relating my activities to him since he sponsors me in school and helps out with cash one way or the other. He would make gestures that suggests he had interest in me but I would wave it off because I never fully understood what it meant or what other intentions he might have.
He has now made it glaring that he would love to marry me. He has plans for me to come over abroad to complete my studies. But he is married to a white woman who has three kids for him.
He has now made it glaring that he would love to marry me. He has plans for me to come over abroad to complete my studies. But he is married to a white woman who has three kids for him.
He also has a child with a white lady he dated before getting married making it four kids in all. I have severally shown concern for the fact that he is married and the many complications in the whole idea. But he says they have both agreed to have the kids but she can move on with another man, while he too can move on with another woman. He says he wants to move on with a woman back home. And since he has known me for a while now and has studied me, his mind is made up and he wants to settle for me. Despite my worries, I have come to grow fond of him but I may not know if I'm totally getting it right, hence my bringing it up here.
Please Stella and Bvs what's your take on this, should I agree to his proposal or back out. I need a resounding advice
Please Stella and Bvs what's your take on this, should I agree to his proposal or back out. I need a resounding advice
One more thing I forgot to add is that he is 20 years older than me.
*Please do not marry him...
DONT TRY IT.
which abroad? You no go even enter plane...
Trust me he is a faithful husband to oyibo and has fed you with lies....This is their format.
Do unto others what you would like them to do unto you.ogwu ka o ha m n'onu.
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeleteInspired by RegiNed.
DeleteWell, dig deep in your heart. What you truly want to do is in there.
I can't insist you say no to him only for to put up with a messed up single young guy who will show you hell tomorrow. And i can't tell you to jump on this man's proposal because most of us are not built to accommodate the challenges of polygamy.
Non guarantees happiness. Marriage is a leap of fate. If you have checked and you can handle polygamy and what this man is offering you is worth it in your own eyes, go ahead.
Lol, he just wants to use you for sex. Don't try it!!!
DeletePoster if you are 38years n above I advise you go ahead but if less than 30yrs, just chill n wait for your own man
DeleteShe can’t even travel abroad if he is still legally married to the oyibo if he does traditional marriage. U can’t travel on spouse visa either, he just wan use u nd enjoy your prime as you won’t see him regularly as he would shuttle from abroad and Nigeria, don’t marry him? I am sure he didn’t show u divorce certificate, keep posting him but don’t marry o
DeleteAnon 16:38, so she can't travel on a student or visting visa???
DeletePlease don't rush to comment on things you know nothing about!!!
If he marries you, just know that you will only become his naija wife with children. Also, 20 whole years difference, that's much now
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
You are correct @Starry Larry...But it's not necessarily a bad thing.
DeleteLet me break this down for all our ladies marrying abroad guys.
The soul/ foundation of most black (Nigerian men) born and raised from (25+) in Nigeria and finally moved abroad, is always ROOTED back in Nigeria. Yes they end up marrying white women for papers and perhaps raise kids with them in the process.
There's always a time when his soul begins to draw him back home, that's when he realizes that his white wife and all the kids born and bred abroad, would never return/retire home with him. Would you blame them? NO. He begins to look for a wife at home to start all over again - But this time, to keep her in Nigeria and raise his kids in Nigeria until they are adults so that their FOUNDATION will be rooted in Nigeria. After all, who would take over his inheritance when he is gone? Who would take over all his businesses and properties, when he is gone? The abroad kids would never come home - they are lost kids.
So you see, he was just being STRATEGIC and nothing wrong with that.
The onus is on the young lady to understand his reasons and if she loves him, to chill and marry him. You will eventually travel abroad if that is your goal but trust me, he meant well for his lineage and inheritance.
The vision of a man and that of a woman travelling abroad are two different things.
A man whose foundation is rooted in Nigeria before travelling abroad would always want to retire back to Nigeria while most women though may wish to return home, may live out the rest of their lives abroad. His only FEAR is losing his kids abroad and also losing all his investments in Nigeria.
If you marry him and give him kids in Nigeria, you will eventually travel abroad with your kids but know that his goal is to have his kids souls rooted in Nigeria FIRST.
The choice is yours but trust me, he meant well.
If you love him, MARRY HIM. But if you don't, STOP collecting his money and move on.
But the man isn’t divorced na
Delete@Anonymous, that's a discussion they both need to have. What I know for sure is that most brothers who have ties back home always desire to come home to get another wife for companionship and transfer of inheritance except they want to live out the rest of their lives abroad.
Delete97% of the mixed raced kids you see abroad don't know their fathers or their fathers had already left their mothers, or will eventually leave and either moved back home or relocate to another city or country. These kids may visit but will never settle in Nigeria. It's a CATCH 22 situation for the men.
A girl marry him he means well for you that is why he have been investing on you for you to complete your education.si he can marry you and bring you abroad period.
DeleteWhy did he ask you to add a hand skill to your education?
Girl marry him this I know because within himself he knows he is going to divorce the white lady.
A girl marry him he means well for you that is why he have been investing on you for you to complete your education.si he can marry you and bring you abroad period.
DeleteWhy did he ask you to add a hand skill to your education?
Girl marry him this I know because within himself he knows he is going to divorce the white lady.
One chance. Unless you want to be d Nigerian wife n be bitter year in year out. Cos so far he is married to the oyibo, no way for u.
ReplyDeleteWetin dey bad for Nigerian wife
DeleteNa Nigerian wives dey write all the chronicles come this blog in the last 4-5 years
Stella your advice make sense
ReplyDeleteBut madam poster will not take it.
Person wey don see hersef for plane..she don agree already.
Poster that want to collect his cut.
So don't try try.
How she wan travel as wide if the guy is still married?
Delete*it*
ReplyDeleteMy dear marry him most Nigeria men don't feel complete until they marry a woman from home there's nothing wrong in marrying him.
ReplyDeleteIf you marry him, you are likely to be the home based wife. Ordinarily, there is nothing with that. If he cares for you, go for it. Women on this blog said if a man is very rich, he deserves more than one wife. This was in 2014. It doesn't necessarily mean you won't travel abroad with him at some point. Marry him joor. That he is 20 years older doesn't really count. Thousands of young girls like you are marrying rich older men every year
DeleteMarry him NOT poster, you are just starting out your life. Don't complicate your life with polygamy, it almost never ends well.
DeleteRespectfully tell him you can't marry him.
Smart thinking.
DeleteWomen rarely think long term/strategically....always emotional outbursts.
Poster, I think you feel this attachment to him because he has helped you out in so many ways financially and otherwise. However, you just put on your thinking cap and not be swayed by emotions.
ReplyDeleteAre you ready to carry extra baggages? This man already has 4 kids and probably is happily married.
Please, count your teeth with your tongue. Don't fall for it. You're still young and have a whole lot ahead of you.
In all, let God's wisdom guide you in making the best decision
Poster seek the face of the Lord in prayers.
DeletePoster, please don't fall for that shit! You're about to get played and be made a baby making mama in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteThe man is not leaving his wife for you! You will be his Nigerian wife.
Immediately some of you hear abroad, you immediately lose all your thinking faculty.
Please, go and find your own husband or better still, wait for your own to find you and make sure he's not a married man.
Poster Lori Iro be this is oh; wait for your own man. He wants to make you Nigeria annex of bearing kids then he will be giving you handouts for his child then he ll later abandon you and then you ll become frustated FC of men-are-scum association. My dear he has helped you with completing school. Can you now tell him thank you and keep it moving like Johnny Walker? This handshake has passed the elbow. Egungun be kiaful na express you dey go
DeletePoster Lori Iro be this is oh; wait for your own man. He wants to make you Nigeria annex of bearing kids then he will be giving you handouts for his child then he ll later abandon you and then you ll become frustated FC of men-are-scum association. My dear he has helped you with completing school. Can you now tell him thank you and keep it moving like Johnny Walker? This handshake has passed the elbow. Egungun be kiaful na express you dey go
DeleteWho are you? :)..Mahd respect on your response to this our odondo poster.
DeleteChoi my belle oo. Mehn you ladies are spitting it raw
DeletePoster please listen to all this people. You will end up being Nigeria wife.
DeleteYou are still very young, with God, determination and hard work you can even be richer than him or marry someone far better than him in future.
I had almost the same experience and a lot of people adviced me to go for him, thank God for God, today am even ashamed to tell people that i almost fall for it.
Poster please don't do it, a better man will come for you that will love you and take good care of you
ReplyDeleteHope you have saved some money and can stand on your own. This man had agenda from the beginning.
ReplyDeletePoster for the fact that he is helping you, does not mean you must end up with him. The fear of him not helping you anymore is all I see in you.
ReplyDeleteIn 2014 you all said a rich man deserves more than one wife. Now you are all are shouting don't marry him. Hypocrites. When it is comfortable for you guys you say one thing, when it is not you say something else.
DeleteGbam! @ Alexander.
Delete"Wherever the belly face" is a fitting metaphor to describe Naija women.
Someone here almost cursed me because of my comment on Chronicles of a Married Man Part 11. She said I was against polygamy because it did not favour me.
Stella, may you live long for creating this platform.
My dear you have your whole life ahead of you. It’s unfortunate that some people still fall victim to old manipulators like this. Please play your part well and finish your school. Leave the old man to find an older person.
ReplyDeleteHe is looking for a retirement plan. God save vulnerable women from wolves like this
Exactly 👍.
DeleteMarrying him is 'risky'
ReplyDeleteHe only wants to sleep with you as your reward for his 'generosity'
Run and have it in mind that he won't continue taking care of you unless he has his way with you
First sentence that came to my mind was "youre in soup". Better stand your ground. Thats another woman's husband.
ReplyDeleteDon't marry him, am very sure he won't fufil that prpromise
ReplyDeleteMtschewww
ReplyDeletePoster
ReplyDeleteAll he needs is a Nigeria wife leaving in NIGERIA not any abroad and all you need is money. Pls dont come and say its love.No love here especially on your part. Cause I doubt you would have same feelings for a struggling 20 year older man.
If you have the mind and dont mind staying back rearing kids and getting to see your husband a few times in the year go ahead. Ensure you get settled here properly with reliable and steady income documented in black and white for life in your name. And please dont ever stop working or during a business. If he dies na oyo be your case.
And all this can put limitations on her future.
DeletePlease listen to anon 15.24.
DeleteMake sure you dont deceive yourself. See it as it is.
I have an uncle that has been married for over 26yrs to a white lady. He comes to naija several times a year. He has so much investments here. He knows his mixed race kid and oyibo wife are not going to come settle back here with him. Right now he is around and I am busy looking for a naija wife for him , as he requested.
My point is, be realistic and dont live in delusions.
The man has a company and stuff here, who will inherit it? You might turn him down, and meet as those one-chance guys. Then end up regretting it. Better remove yourself from the chains of poverty.
Who falls for this shit in 2021 unless you’re desperate and the idea of abroad fascinates you.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you even considering a marriage proposal from a man 20years older than you? Regina Daniels sister 😒
Even the abroad how she wan go am? He can’t bring her over cos he is legally married , he is just using u ! You are young girl and trust me u would regret marrying him, he would get tired of u after u have kids for him, u would be frustrated cos he will spend more time abroad than in Nigeria , I pity u o and Gos forbid he dies , abroad government only recognise his legal wife and kids not u! U don’t need to marry him cos he helped u, na runs dem de use that type of man and not marry, of u are scared he will stop paying ur school fees , u can date him but don’t marry him, tell him u would marry him later and save up then leave him
DeletePoster date him but don't fall too deep in love or marry him don't. Just use him get yourself made and move
ReplyDeleteReally u think the guy is not smart?
DeleteJust use this guy to get what you want and start your life with a young fresh and promising young man. I have a bitter experience of this kinda stuffs and it never ends well. Some of them will come and carry the kids with the excuse of they want to train them abroad. Those kids would be gone forever. Some of them will actually try and apply for UK to come over but you will never get visa because you are not the recognised Mrs. See I am talking from a very painful experience. This happened to my MIL best friend. She has 4 kids. The man in question was a doctor and a very rich and successful one that was the best surgeon and had made a mad name for himself. He also has an hospital here. His wife did not have a child. He married this my MIL best friend and she has 4. He went with the kids and till date the girls never came back. The boys got so crazy. He sent them back and seized their passports with sense. Till date no embassy gives them visa. He his late now. The woman did not get anything from the whole marriage oh. Lost her daughters. Her sons stranded here. She is frustrated and still young. Like 70 now. He was like 20 years older. The only thing she got out of the bloody affair was a house he built for her. Nothing else. He was a billionaire. But she is not a shadow of herself. In those days she drove brand new cars courtesy of her man. She was the envy of society. Today shes in a terrible state. Her daughters have not stepped into Nigeria since the day he died. I will advice you to only use him and dump him. If you like carry belle. You will suffer. Dont say we did not warn you. Pls ignore any typos.
ReplyDeleteDon't listen to this advice, don't use anybody if you want to go far in life.
DeleteONLY USE HIM AND DUMP HIM???? Haha..You're funny.
DeleteWhat an amazing advice rooted in bitterness and resentment.
You are just envious period.
DeleteTo start with the age difference is much na.. Please don't marry him. You're still young and I'm sure you'll meet a younger man without baggage in future..
ReplyDeleteFollow your heart, I think you knew all these while where he was heading to but just playing along.
ReplyDeleteNo one here will give you the best advice, sleep over it and advice yourself.
If you don't want him, tell him no, and face whatever happened.
World no go end if he stop heping you.
Gbam. Life goes on if he stop helping you.
DeleteBest advice.
DeleteMy dear,
ReplyDeleteIf you truly care about him go for it.
True he is married. And, he’s probably happily married. But, he wants a Nigerian wife. Nothing wrong with that jor.
Is he a good man?
Does he care about you?
Don’t worry about outside factors. People will always talk, just do you. Do what make YOU happy. It’s your life. Not theirs.
Ask the guy anything you need to know then make your decision. Will he remain married or get a divorce. Will he be bringing you abroad or will u stay in Nigeria. If you’re staying in a Nigeria, how often will he come to visit? Etc
Look at Regina Daniels. She’s happy. 20 years isn’t a big deal. When there’s love.
Chai and your type will bash side chicks...if you are a woman with this thought, may your husband have multiple baby mamas and leave you dry...
DeleteNonsense
All the people advising the poster to use the man are just as evil as the man 😈
ReplyDeleteYou will end up as his Nigerian wife. Don't ever picture you and him abroad together because it won't happen...
ReplyDeleteHe will make you his baby making machine...
Poster by now u shld know what you wat is right and what is wrong. U shldnt because of gratitude do what is not right, advice urself properly bcoz no amount of advice we give you here will change ur mind if it's made up. A married man is a married man, whether married to a white or red. This is a modern age. All those shits abt oyibo wives and kids not being indigenous and not loving to come back to Nigeria is so outdated. When that man dies, and it's time for burial ur eye will clear, not just this, alot of things might spring up. Just be wise.
ReplyDeleteVery annoying
DeleteAs if oyinbo is lesser as wife
Why can't men help a woman without expecting any sexual reward? I hate it!!!
ReplyDeleteYou saw a young girl, chose to help her with her education, now want to coerce her into marriage. Haba!!!
Poster, are you a Christian? If yes, your answer should be "no". He is married, regardless of whether his wife is Nigerian or not, regardless of if there are kids or none.
All of you advising the poster to accept him because wife is abroad, may people advise your husbands to marry another women behind your backs. Tueh!!!
Thank you. It is sickening to read stories like this.
DeleteEvil and useless men who think with their prick.
Why can't naija men help women without expecting sex in return? Why? Why?
Proudly Foodie.
Nigerian women and abroad!! Please, is it a curse or something?? WTF!! If the white woman deals with you, your fellow side-chick association members will tell her to, "face the man alone"...meanwhile the mistress knew there was a wife there before she entered!!
ReplyDeleteThe fact that of you are even telling her to go ahead with marrying him is baffling! All because of the prospect of "abroad"! Abroad that she will never see because the man is legally married to someone else, and will not be able to apply for a spousal visa for the poster! Some of you are even using Regina Daniels as example. LOL. Ask yourself why Regina's 2 best friends now are alcohol and weed/pills!! You think it's because she is happy?!
Well unlike Nigeria those foreign laws don't see women as second class citizens. Women are protected there and men aren't allowed to get away with being dead beat fathers or wife beaters. Being a woman is safer there. Shall I say more?
DeleteFor not marry him but make sure you collected all your fees.
ReplyDeleteBabygirl don’t do it; I promise it will end in tears!
ReplyDeleteShalom
Please don't even think of doing it.
ReplyDeleteGod bless him for using him when you needed help.
It's time to thank him and move forward.
It won't end well
Oyibo woman is a HUMAN!!!!! JUST LIKE YOU
ReplyDeleteThank you Belle.
DeleteHonestly, reading through the comments just shows who we are behind our masks. Anyone remembers the golden rule?!
Do unto others as you want to be done to you. Before you do anything, ask if you would be okay if the tables were flipped. Oyinbos and akatas all have feelings!!! They are humans too!! It is not okay to hurt your fellow human being for whatever reason it is! Not cool at all. Using the want of companionship and affection to fool people is all shades of wrong.
So poster, ask yourself if you really want to make your bed with someone who neither possesses admirable core values nor good moral compass like this man. Just bear in mind that if he can do this wickedness to someone else, then expect your own nuance of his intrinsic vileness.
I wish you all the best!
Mbanu! Oyibo is not Nigerian, so she is half human or inhuman or alien or something worse. Why do we Nigerians feel so justified with using people callously?
DeletePoster No matter how you coat it, what is wrong is wrong. He is married to another woman. Period!
The only agenda I see here is that hebis looking for naija wifey. Just know if you marry him you no go enternplane talkless reach abroad that is just a bait to get you. If he is married to Oyinbo he knows the implication of marrying another person and so all na lie o. Please shine your eyes....with your education and all if you so desire u can sponsor yourself to travel out....leave this married man let him remain a sponsor and boss.
ReplyDeletePosted sincerely u would regret if u marry this man, it won’t end well!!! I live abroad and can tell u that u would have kids for Gina nd he would do passport for the kids coa they are his kids but u can’t go abroad and trust me he won’t divorce his wife cos na igbese he go entered especially if they have properties together then child support Wahala! He would take the kids coa they would be citizens but u no go get paper or passport cos u are not married to him and this even depends on which abroad he dey cos if na uk, only his kids would have British passport but u no go get anything and he might take the kids away and u won’t see ur kids again, this is a bad move and u go regret am, don’t marry him and don’t get pregnant for him , a word is enough for the wise
ReplyDeleteIf you feel he is capable of taking care of you and you will find happiness with him,marry him
ReplyDeleteThey always wanna come home to marry a naija girls and have naija kids, marry him!
ReplyDelete