Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Tuesday, March 16, 2021

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmmm....









STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SO LONG A CHRONICLE...


Dear Stella and Bv's,


Thank you all for all you do. It's a long read please pardon my manners, I finally have a chance to pour my heart out and I just want to tell it all.


I grew up in a remote town in southwestern Nigeria. My mom walked out on us when I was six and my junior brother, four. 

She later died when I was eight. My aged father raised me and my junior brother. My mom has other grown up children elsewhere (I don't even know her first child). My dad has a grown up son before us. Despite the fact that my father is old, he tries his best to give us basic needs of life. 


My tragedy began when I finished primary school and I needed to proceed to secondary school. I was one of the top student in the state and I was offered scholarship but my elder brother (father's son) discouraged my father not to let me take the offer. His reason was.... 'I will be sent to boarding school and be maltreated' ....the fact that my dad so much love me made him take the bait because I later realized he did it not because he cares but because he hates me and my junior brother.


Going to secondary school was good and smooth until my dad became sick when I was in SS1, by this time my junior brother had been sent to Lagos to learn trade because my dad couldn't afford his school fees. I was left alone with my sick old dad. Please note that my elder brother was doing okay. He is married and working in federal government parastatals and lived less than an hour drive to where we stayed. He neglected us. I started doing menial jobs on weekends to make ends meet. I was just thirteen. I begin to lag behind in my academics.

A Once best student couldn't even make top five.


I later took a step that changed everything. 


In my second term in SS1, my school uniform was torn and my sandals became slippers. A guy promised to buy them for me if I let him sleep with me and I agreed, at the end of the day he did not keep to his promise and that was when I realized nobody was gonna help me. I threw myself into hard work. Every weekend I followed people to farm to help them and they paid me #200-#300 per day.

 I could put food on the table and afford one or two things. I used my old clothes for menstruation, washed them and kept them till next month. I joggled between three almost torn panties.


I graduated secondary school 2008 with five credits excluding Maths, English and Biology. I started working full time, from sales girl to hawking and all. In all of these my elder brother turned a blind eye and my mom's children are not even doing well for themselves. My mom's family are well to do but they neglected us like we never existed


I lost my dad year 2011, I was already nineteen and an area big sis offered to bring me to Lagos. That's when another nightmare began. She introduced me to prostitution and I refused and this sis of mine called everyone in my small hometown telling them I slept with her husband, person wey her husband don leave teytey because of her kurukere waka o.


 I couldn't go back home.

 A good samaritan offered me a job as sales girl and her shop as shelter. I finally felt ease in a long time. Things got better, I got another job and I could afford a place of my own (a room).


I gathered money, rewrote my 0'levels in 2013. I made it. ..8 credits. I put in for part time in one of the Polytechnics in Lagos. Finally, I can become somebody...I could do something with my miserable life.


All this time I've been having boyfriends and they always treat me bad..... either they cheat or become abusive or violent and any time I sensed danger I just move on and never look back except for two that was good to me I had to break up with one because he is AS and I'm AS and the other just broke up with me out of the blues with no good reason.


In 2015, I met a guy who I thought perfectly fits in.....godly, not abusive, not cheating and all. In 2016 December he asked me to marry him and I said yes. I thought he is the one....the best and I could trust him with me not knowing I only knew what he wanted me to know and saw the side he wanted me to see.


We got married 2017 and my nightmare began. I got pregnant immediately after marriage....I lost my job (I'm already doing my HND). He lost his job too (his boss relocated out of the country before our marriage, he told me his boss just went for a course only for me to realize the boss is not coming back. He said he didn't know his boss was not coming back but I think he lied).


 I also found out he borrowed to finance our wedding ( please note, I told him I wanted something small and intimate but he said he has always picture how his wedding day will be plus he can afford it) I had less than 50 guests out of the over 600 people that was at our wedding. We were jobless and in debt at the same time.


During pregnancy, I was looking for something in the house, and that's when I stumbled on his documents and realized hubby never had HND like he told me...he lied.... I confronted him and he made up a story, said he only has ND and even ND result we no dey see.....my world and the trust I had in him died that day.


Like the wedding ish will teach him a lesson, I gave birth and this guy still went to borrow money to do big naming ceremony just to show off and beat his friends that had done before. I shouted and fought him but he painted me black like I don't want him to celebrate the birth of his child.


After the birth of our child, one of his friends who stayed with us a little while when we got married and knew what we were going through gave him #500,000 loan to do business but instead of doing business my husband realized our gas cooker is old and he changed it and used the money anyhow until we had #150,000 left. 


I fought him when I realized how much we had left and he gave me the balance left to do business. ( I forgot to tell you guys we are living in one of his relative house who stays outside the country). Their was a vacant shop in front of the house and I started selling provisions......nah for inside we dey feed and take care of our baby girl. Now the business collapsed during lockdown plus the owner of the house we are staying kicked us out during lockdown. We haven't pay back the loan till date.


Now we have no source of income, hubby just eats, sleeps and thinks of who to borrow money from to finance the next day....he is owing almost everybody on his contact list.


I've been looking for jobs but couldn't find any....the ones I see the pay can't even cover putting my girl in daycare while I go to work. One of the reasons I couldn't get a good job is because my HND certificate is not out(I graduated last November) and I can't clear my ND certificate. Even when I pass interview the fact that I can't provide my certificates just makes the employers kick me out....even the ones that reason with me tells me to come back when I have my certificate. I even want to learn tailoring but where do I get the fee from....do business? Where is the capital?




Stella, I'm back to the dark days and it is even worse this time because I have a child to look after. I'm so tired of life....I look down from our flat like I should just jump down and end it....but the fact that I know my baby girl will suffer double if I leave makes me reconsider (she will be three in May and she's so adorable).....my life sucks.....I wish days never break most days.... I've lost my vibes...my strength...my determination...my will...life feels like hell.... I cry everyday and I have stopped praying, fasting and trusting...


I am a Christian....God hates divorce. Even if I leave I have no where to go.... surviving on the streets would I have been easy without a child.....

I have no one to talk to until I stumbled on your blog.......help me guys...what do I do? I am fading each day   



*Read the War room and continue hustling you will be fine ...Also stop fighting him.He is a good man but just lazy and a liar.
God bless!!!

53 comments:

  1. ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค— this is me sending you warm hug,you've been through a lot.
    If possible apply to private school as a teacher, don't hide your story from them,promise to present your certificate immediately you get first two months pay.
    God will come through for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry if I sound judgemental but my problem with some poor people is that you end up repeating the same mistakes your parents made.

      Please where is your younger brother? Can he help you even if it's with business loan?

      The worst thing that can happen to anyone is getting married to someone who cannot save.

      If you have to separate for a while do so, so he will realize he has no option but to stand on his feet, you keep making excuses for him that's why he keeps being lazy.

      Wo I don't know again.

      Delete
    2. You write well poster. Don't give up.

      Delete
    3. @felicity, you said my mind!

      Poster, please na application letter you need to write to apply. Then when your certs are ready, you can do something else and your child can be attending the school as well

      Delete
    4. Don't tell me you disconnected from your little brother. Go look for him and don't get pregnant for now.

      Look for a sales girl job, encourage your husband to look for a driver job if he knows how to drive. Keep trusting God.

      Delete
  2. Mad oooo.
    Stella na you be this? You don wise up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stella don wise๐Ÿคฃ.

      Poster all you wrote about your life is only the negative thing that happened to you and hardships. Even when God blessed you with a husband, your ingratitude has blinded you so bad that you refused to talk about his good side nor acknowledge his strength. How will you feel if you over hear this man wrote a litany of your woes and misfortunes? You are his wife, madam. The bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. Good to know he brings home those monies even though they were misappropriated to please you. Join with him and seek ways out of your debts and poverty together. Now you are thinking of divorce after he got into mess because of you.

      No let God vex for you o. The essence of marriage is so one person don't have to go through life hassles alone.

      In fact I demand you resend this chronicle detailing the good things life has brought our way and the positive sides of your husband and marriage. That's where your focus should turn to and things will improve.

      #Power of positive thinking.

      Delete
  3. What exactly do you want to hear from us? Keep going,one day all will be well. Don't have another kid o.

    ReplyDelete
  4. God hates divorce? Then stay there and stop complaining.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Go to your church for help. I'm sure someone should be able to do something for you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You have only one child and You're complaining. You even have HND,just that the certificate is not out. My dear, get a job, even if it's a sales girl or house help work and reconnect back to God. You'll be fine. Life is not easy for everyone. Keep pushing, e go better. You no even get problem sef.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Obviously she has a problem.

      She has been through a lot
      A whole lot

      Stop trivialising her pain.

      KING XOXO MYSTERY

      Delete
    2. Even your church members and pastors can help. Go to them.

      Delete
  7. God will see you through this phase again poster. With your ND, you can still see work like front desk/Receptionist or teaching. This is not time to think and wallow in self pity. Get up and move round even anywhere you see poster for salesgirl and cleaner. Go and read the book title " START WHERE YOU ARE"

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dust yourself and tell yourself you cannot afford to be defeated. I have seen hell and back in this world but now I am the one lending to people to survive and do you also know that I am moving things with just my ND certificate. Take that job no matter how little the pay is and watch God bless you through it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. As those scammers done show stella something ๐Ÿ˜ซ. If na b4...
    This is quite pathetic o. Poster God hates divorce but not the person. If this marriage is making you fade, maybe you need to take a walk.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lady, as a Christian, you need to be thankful in all situations 1 Thess. 5:18; including this one. And you need to "pray always and not give up" Luke 18. God will definitely send help your way.
    Be thankful and hopeful even if it is for the sake of that "adorable baby."
    Stop fighting your husband. ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—

    ReplyDelete
  11. Poster since God hate divorce you can just continue with your lazy, careless husband till you both make it in life.

    You are suffering and smiling still talking trash to cover the man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Guess she loves him and it is alright to stay if she wants to remain.

      Delete
  12. Stella you are forming hard to get.
    Behind your advice I sense love.

    Poster look for a cleaning job.
    You should focus on your daughter.
    It is well.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Keep your hopes up and continue search for jobs. God will see you through

    ReplyDelete
  14. Poster your husband is a proud guy man. You are not helping matters too. If you can do menial job as a young girl. What happened now that you have a child to feed. woman wey get pikin no dey shame to work to feed her child. Wake up. Leave certificate. Most people with Masters are doing menial jobs in hotels. Don't allow that HND dull you. My cousin with her Bsc worked in a bank for 6 months before she got a job in the same back as a senior officer. She is now a big woman. Wake up. If your husband is lazing around. Listen to Timaya song. I must win.. The song said. Because l no get anyone to help me so I must win. You have prayed. You have fasted. Its time to take action. God said he will bless the works of our hands. Fry akara. Fry groundnut. Just do something and see God at work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *she worked as a cleaner for 6 months*

      Delete
  15. Hmm Poster I can imagine that feeling of going round and round in circles however you have to be strong enough to break from this bottomless circle...How? Prayer without action is dead...It is obvious you can't do office jobs why not take up cleaning jobs or do laundry for people...Just do it and with the little money you make, you can start building yourself and you take care of that baby..When he wants to borrow, don't follow or support him in appealing to beg..When you make some money, open a bank account and don't let your husband know about it...

    Forget about your elder brother or step siblings; depend on God only and keep doing your job, hold your head up high and work diligently..Onu kwuru njo ge kwu mma...God is working seriously in your favour..What about your younger brother as well? All the best

    ReplyDelete
  16. Poster, my advice for you is don't think of having another child till you stand on your feet..do not try that oo so it won't be double wahala for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Get a job what do you need daycare for? Your husband is at home. Let him take care of the baby.

      Delete
  17. Your husband is actually a nice guy,let him hustle

    ReplyDelete
  18. Can I be a bit harsh? What you are going through is nothing compared to what folks out there are going through. Fling that mentality of "if things are bad, then I'd kill myself" out of the window.

    Let me sound this to you and to all that care to read/listen; life has three basic necessities viz
    1. Food (at least one meal a day)
    2. Clothing (you are not naked)
    3. Shelter (you don't sleep in the streets)

    If you are privileged to have even one of the three listed above, then you should be entirely grateful.

    I've been in a far, far worse condition than yourself, that is not having any of the three at once. I turned to God and asked him how far. Guess what he said? My child you are ungrateful. Really? Grateful for what Sir? He answered, for life, sound health, sound mind... I fell on my knees and asked for forgiveness. From that point in my life, I kept thanking him for the things he listed. In the process, he kept showing me other things he had done for me which I knew nothing of.

    Now why the long epistle? Your write up shows ingratitude to God. Yes I know you had it rough growing up but that should tell you that you have a very great future ahead of you. The devil can't stand it that's why he brings distractions at every point of your life. Now from your write up you should be grateful for the following:

    1. Husband: (lol, trust me some ladies can pay to have one but yours just sailed to you)
    2. Child: (do you need me to talk about what women go through just to get pregnant not to talk of having the child itself.
    3. Education: whether or not you have your certificate, you are educated.
    4. Roof over your head
    5. Clothes: abi you dey waka naked?
    6.Etc. E plenty. You sef sabi.

    My dear start thanking God everyday. Write down everything you are grateful to God for and thank him immensely. One thing I've realised is that God moves constantly with those who are grateful to him.

    As for moving forward, if you attend a church (which you should) try to source for funds from them and start anything no matter how small. Secondly, be a giver. Give to the beggars on the road even if it is ten naira daily. In the spirit realm that ten naira is hundreds because it came from the little you have and will multiply and come back to you.

    Be patient. Things will change and you will testify. God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is a good one Jechix

      Delete
    2. Jechix this right here is what I do when I despair - gratitude to God, count my blessings and thank Him for His faithfulness.

      It never fails to surprise me how much God has blessed me with.

      Delete
    3. Wellsakd,jechix. I am eternally grateful to God for all the things I have while believing him for the things I am still waiting on( children of my own).
      I sing this hymn always..
      "When upon life's billows
      Thou are tempest tossed
      Do not be discouraged thinking all is lost
      Count your many blessings
      Name them one by one
      And it will surprise you what the Lord has done...."

      Now poster,you have a lot going for you,you just don't realise it. All you can see are the things that are not working and yo can't appreciate the ones you have. You have really tried in life to come this far. Believe me,it will get better.
      Take it one step at a time and things will work out in the end. Don't ever think of suicide.

      Delete
    4. Thank you @Jechix for giving me so much to ponder on.


      And thanks to everyone for their contribution. I wish I could reply all. Thanks guys

      Delete
  19. Oh no poster, reading your story just changed my mood. Such a difficult and challenging childhood right from the onset but I am glad you keep persisting, you never gave up and you won't give up trust me. The sun will shine soon at your end. Thank God you already finished your Hnd. Keep going out to look for a job or seek for help for funds to start a business, someone suggested going to Church to seek for help. Your angel is near. I wish you all the best ๐Ÿค—.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Stop telling the sob stories of your childhood and upbringing, everyone had sob stories to tell in this naija. Be grateful to God for how far you've come and focus on your presence which is doing something to survive. Stop wallowing in self pity and make sure you don't get pregnant again until you stand on your feet. You only have one child, what about women that have 4 or 5 kids wit a husband like yours. Seems you want to go lazy like your husband. You better wake up and face your reality. You have a lot to be grateful. I don't know if this your chronicle is to beg for help buh it's not working cos you no get problem and this your begging for help is not the best route to take. Reconnect back to work and go and hustle. There are lots of businesses to do and menial jobs to do. Everyone you see is struggling to survive and it's been positive. With God by our side we go make am one day.

    ReplyDelete
  21. There are several organisations that give grant money to aspiring entrepreneurs...even more so since the Covid-19 pandemic. Sometimes you will have to pay back the money within a set number of years, and other times, it is given out for free. Some will even give you the resources (like mentors, training workshops etc.) to ensure your business thrives and flourishes.

    Has the Tony Elumelu Foundation stopped giving out the 5000 USD per business? He hasn't, and its open across Africa. The deadline is 31st March, so get to it! Access Bank also gives out money to Nigerian female entrepreneurs. What about WIMBIZ; Root Capital (if you plan on going into the agricultural sector); Africa's Young Entrepreneurs; African Women's Development Fund (AWDF).

    The internet is a very useful resource, yet so many people only use it for browsing gossip blogs and social media.

    ReplyDelete
  22. God hates divorce but this man can drive you to suicide or murder; abeg choose your poison. A sister just told me how her husband's complacency drove her to divorce, that she didn't want to divorce but wanted to commit suicide and she was on her way to committing suicide before God intervened. Her eyes cleared and she just went home to ask him for a divorce. The guy wasn't drinking, womanising or abusing her, he was just crazily complacent. Funny thing is people didn't think it's enough reason for divorce, she almost killed herself, if she had succeeded same people would have blamed her for not taking a walk or she would have woken up one day to stab him and end up in jail. If you can keep managing him by all means, but once you start feel like committing suicide or murdering him abeg waka.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Double wahala... people will even come and console the husband sef and talk about how he is a good and gentle man not knowing he was the root cause of her problem. It is well jare. I know how it feels men and people will think it is small something until they jam complacent, religious man.

      Delete
  23. Be strong cos you've got no other option.
    Look for a job, even if its a sales gal or work in a school where you can earn little and enroll your daughter too.

    Life has no room for anybody looking for pity party.

    Finally babes, hold unto God well. Know him personally. We don't walk with God with sentiments.

    ReplyDelete
  24. How is a lazy man who loves to borrow a good man? Any man who can't take care of his family is whose than an infidel. I feel your husband is a very proud lazy idiot. Can't he do menial jobs to sustain his family? How long will he keep borrowing? What then happens when he can't find who to borrow from?

    Dont bother reading any war room. Hustle a bit more and leave the lazy idiot alone, that way the burden of feeding will be less on you and you can save abit to give your child a better life.

    I wish you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I feel for you pls take any job you can find till your certificate comes out then hopefully get a better job. Even if you don't want to divorce him do not give him any money or have any other child for him till he is stable

    ReplyDelete
  26. Let me correct a notion. God hates divorce not divorcees. I feel that you have wrapped your entire existence around this lifestyle and you fear for what the future holds so much so that you're afraid of what life without him would be like. Don't let history repeat itself on you. Leave that man. He's holding you back. He's not worth your love. Your marriage can be annulled on grounds of a deceitful foundation.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thanks for the encouragement and the advice.....I would have taken up teaching job like you guys suggested but I kind of stammer a little/make mistakes when communicating verbally.

    So sorry I'm dumping my shit on you guys, I'm not doing this to beg or solicit for funds....I just want to let it all out so that I can be a little light + it is easy telling you guys my story than talk to someone close that will either make jest of me or spread it like gospel and I don't really have friends that I can trust with my secrets.

    I'm open to any job so far it is legit. Anyone with any job opportunity around abule-egba,ogba,oshodi,agege or ikeja can please hook me up. Thank you all

    ReplyDelete
  28. I know your childhood story is tough but not as tough as compare to mine, if I tell you how I and my siblings manage to grow up you go pity us but you know what we keep hustling making use of opportunities, my dear dust yourself look for job that can pay 10 - 15k then download opera mini on your phone, the one offers 50mb per day, join gramfree, it's legit, you get to earn $1500 after 8 months then you can use that one to start bizness. Am a beneficiary of this platform that's why am encouraging you to join. Then stop saying God Hayes divorce, marriage no be do or die affair.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thank you all for the advice...I am very grateful.

    I would have taken teaching job like you guys suggested but I kind of stammer a little/make mistakes when communicating verbally.

    I didn't write this epistle just to beg or solicit for funds. I just want to let it out and feel a little light as I have been weighed down a lot lately. I don't really have friends I can trust with my shit because I don't want to be make jest of or have someone spread it round like gospel.

    I don't mind if anyone has any job opportunity around abule-egba,ogba,oshodi, agege or ikeja. I can do any job and I am a fast learner.

    Thank you all.

    ReplyDelete
  30. God is never too late to answer. God is always there for you.

    Have a heart to heart conversation with God. Enough is enough. He has to bless you.

    And no, he won't chastize you for not being grateful enough. He will welcome you with open arms. Remind him he is a giving God, a God who makes a way. Talk to him. He is ever ready, forever affectionate and always giving.

    Talk to him, clean your eyes, step out look for what to do and watch him do miraculous things for you. You need to have a sit-down with your husband. You need to save. Look at the ants and learn.

    KING XOXO MYSTERY

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you King. I am very grateful

      Delete
  31. Dear poster, try doing anything. I have my degree but right now I work as a POS attendant. I work 8-6 for a token just to keep busy till I can save some money to start a business of my own.
    You can drop your baby with your husband while you go teach in a nursery School. I don't think you need a certificate to do that, plus you would have time to take care of your baby.
    Just pick your self up and get to work
    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hi Poster, you really cannot afford to give up on God. Please tune in daily to NSPPD via Mixlr/YouTube/Facebook. I’d like to support you with a little token, if you can provide proof that you are the poster, please send an email to princesslisaetall@gmail.com
    Take care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Anon 02:56. Thank you for everything. God bless you

      Delete
  33. Young lady,I go through your story,so pathetic,but u didn't mention your younger brother in your write-up,hope is still alive or what happened,I want to know.Thank u.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is alive and well @unknown 09:10. He is just not to balance on his own for me to add my baggage on top.

      Delete

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