Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

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Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

Hmmmmm.....








STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TIPS TO COPE WITH FAVORITISM AT HOME



Hello Stella.
Holla fellow BVs.

I'm sending this in to get what encouragement I can get, and practical tips to overlook favoritism at home.

Perhaps my parents didn't know,or they still don't, I don't reckon they are capable of loving more than a child. If they knew perhaps, they would have given birth to just one and left the rest of us out of their "proof of fertility" exercise.


Our dad used to be fair, but over the years, perhaps our mother influenced him or something, he also started doting only on this other sibling of ours.


I'll tell you a bit about this sibling of ours. He's self-centered, thinks everyone should worship him and cater to him, has the most insane mood swings for a guy, keeps malice over the littlest things and so on.


Our parents, our mum largely, does not hold him accountable for anything he does. We are always amazed by the kinds of things he gets away with. The rest of us can't even dream of getting away with half of them. He, his friends and his girlfriend are the priority in our house.


Before you guys think he provides for us, no. He is working, but earns just enough to take care of himself. Our parents have their own money, so they don't depend on him financially either.

I'll soon get a job God's willing. When I do, I plan to do everything possible to leave and take my younger sister with me. We try our best to keep things running smoothly at home, but what we get most of the time is complaints.


In fact, what prompted my sending this is that our mum called from her office in front of everyone there, saying the food I woke up early in the morning to cook so she can go to work with, is tasteless. I am a good cook. It wasn't tasteless. She does this almost every time. An important point. Whoever has a misunderstanding with her golden child, becomes her enemy till reconciliation. 


You'd be astonished the length she goes to make a person's life unbearable for that. No, he is not the only son.( As if that should make this right in a sane world). No, he is not the most hardworking. I have just come to the conclusion that he's just the one their hearts chose and that's just it.


Dear BVs,I pray almost daily for God to keep my heart pure and help me not to hate them. It's a struggle on many days not to just pack my stuff and disappear.
The whole point of this chronicle is to let this off my chest and learn from the experiences of others who may have experienced this. 

How did you deal with it?
N.B:
We are in our mid twenties.




Ah ah!... Maybe you should stop focusing on how much and care is shown to this sibling and spend your energy trying to get a Job and be better for yourself..... Could they have a valid reason for treating him so special?  Let me read comments!

60 comments:

  1. There are some parents like that, just overlook everything and concentrate on getting a good job for yourself, then go and get an apartment outside. Most cases, those parents tend to regret because most of children like that will turn out bad and won't even care about those parents




    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In your mid 20's? Don't worry. Things will level up at some point. Time heals everything. Someday, you will wake up laughing at your frustrations of those days. I just pity his wife of tomorrow and hope maturity finds him soon. Just keep it together,you are doing well.

      This is the best written article I have read in recent times. Not just on this platform o. You are an impeccable writer, darling.

      Delete
  2. I wish I could hear from each sibling. Reminds me of how one complained to my mom about favoritism only for d mom n siblings to tell their part n omg, turns out she was just exhibiting a jealous trait over nothing...and a pretty stubborn girl whom they just are using iron fist to tame.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I shared my chronicle here late year about my sisters, people called me names being the first born. Those who didn't come from such family won't understand you. So many things are going on in homes and parents are not paying attention or they choose not to.
    You need to see how my mum is trying to invest her love in me but I'm so sorry my heart has been built up after all I went through from childhood.
    If you're parent reading this,your first child is not a slave or assistant parent, don't kill them with house chores and responsibilities. Stop putting their siblings duty on them,your children can see all that you do.
    Poster just focus on yourself and your happiness. One thing that has helped me is seeing family beyond blood;I have friends I can call family,I share my thoughts freely with them and I'm not ashamed to cry before when things are not fine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The favourite child for different parents varies a lot... 1st child, 1st boy or girl, last born etc.
      They most always spoil that favourite child who becomes useless to himself and the entire family.

      Delete
    2. From a firstborn to a firstborn, Pele

      Delete
    3. Na wa oh. I have 4 children and try to treat all same. My husband is the one that want to start showing favoritism, and I'm not letting him at all. Treat all same. Posterr sorry oh,God would see you thru.

      Delete
  4. Fascinating!What are you on about? Why are your eyes so fixated on everything your parents do to their supposed special child? Focus your stamina on something else or trying to get the job you talked about and don't let everything they are doing get to you mbok

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since you don't understand what she's on about, try not to be insensitive with your comment!!

      Delete
    2. Why won't it get to her?
      Is she not living with them?
      Is she blind to see?

      I like the advice you gave at the end sha

      Delete
    3. Eloquent, she is in her mid 20's. A very young adult that dropped her dippers only yesterday. You don't expect her not to feel bad when treated as she has described. You speak the truth but in a very insensitive way.

      Delete
    4. Cookie is right! If you don’t understand what she’s going through, don’t try to diminish her concern and pain. They are valid.

      Delete
  5. I understand cos I have been there.
    From my own experience, i cut off my mother for a few years. Told her to go to hell and blocked her lines. Disappeared for a few years and when I returned, she had learnt her lesson.
    Stop asking her to love you. Don't hate her. Just become indifferent.
    Harden your heart.
    Love God.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Harden your heart and love GOD in the same statement?? oh! shut up Ahitophel.

      Delete
    2. 15.36, why are some of you so rude? Why tell her/him to shut up?

      Delete
    3. You, spark your own grammar naw. Where is that my dictionary?

      Delete
    4. Oh! Its not even grammar. Just a name from old testament bible. Well, no knowledge is a waste sha.

      Delete
    5. 15:36 I think 15:13 meant 'tough love'.

      It's something I would do to keep my peace of mind - cut off and block those partial parents for a loooonnng while.

      Parents PROVOKE NOT your children to wrath!

      Delete
    6. Anon meant protect your heart aka harden your heart

      Delete
  6. I pity the poor woman who will marry your brother tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A typical narcissist in making, I married one. I always wish his mom is alive now, wanted to ask her how she trained him till he turned out like this. His family are doing everything for me not to leave him as I will be the second wife to do that, but God knows that I can't tolerate him again. He can never appreciate you, a big time gas lighter. Women should do better in training their male children, they're becoming something else in our society

      Delete
    2. 15:57, you better leave now for your mental sanity. He won’t change unless he’s ready to change and with Gods help. Don’t let your children grow up seeing that type of behavior!

      Delete
  7. EXACTLY HOW TO RAISE A NARCISIST. THEY WILL REGRET IT LATER WHEN HE STARTS HAVING PROBLEMS WITH EVERYONE COS THEY CANT TREAT HIM LIKE HES A MINI GOD,MTCHEW. JUST FOCUS ON BEING BETTER LIKE GETTING A JOB. NO ONE IS PERFECT EVEN YOUR PARENTS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Narcissist behaviors are not normal, it is a psychiatric problem.

      Delete
  8. Stop loving your parents. Harden your heart. Stop caring whether they love you or not. Become completely totally indifferent.
    If i tell me my own story, you will understand

    ReplyDelete
  9. Poster talk truth joor, you already hate this sibling & your parents.
    Your chronicles sounds really hateful & bitter. It is well with you
    I feel you take things too serious & your jealousy is easily triggered.
    I'm saying this because in my family we are 5siblings, my late father had his favorites(2nd & last born) while my mom has her own favorites,(1st & 2nd born)
    Growing up was hard for me cos it seemed I never got anything right in my moms eyes. In js2 I wrote a very long letter to my mom saying she hated me and I wanted to run away from home🀣🀣.
    This whole favoritism issue continued even after we all graduated from uni now.
    Until last year my moms favorite, her adorable did something that she really hurt her and I everything from the past years came back, she begged God for forgiveness for neglecting her other children and concentrating on a particular one specially.
    That day o was smiling all through(in my mind I thought nobody is perfect,it will all be fine lass lass)
    Ok so even when I was experiencing all these I never felt any atom of hatred or bitterness towards my parents or their favorites, (yeah I know they weren't hard on us the way your explained about your mom being enemies with whoever challenged her favorite)
    But then we were one big family. Even if i lacked somethings which the favorites didn't lack and u dare not voice out.
    Trust me these things happen o.
    But the way you handle it is what really matters.
    These things can be psychological too, cos I learnt when my mom had me in her womb my late dad cared less and it happened after birth some children will be more cared for.I don't even know jare
    All I'm saying is I'm doing very fine, all that favoritism didn't rub off badly on me, you need to find happiness in yourself and know they love you, you are a family. And even of some are more loved you need to ignore and live in love. Not like you are going to remain in that house.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na wa for you o. You claim to be a victim of such kind of favoritism yet you accuse the poster of hatred.

      Delete
    2. People are ment sha. U are one of them.

      Delete
  10. God will strengthen you not to be biased and be as loving as possible not minding the situation you are in..it's well with you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Stella, what could be the valid reason for this obvious favoritism?
    How do you want other kids to feel? Children of same parents. What is wrong is wrong.
    That you’re spending your energy on trying to get a job does not make you blind to your parents wrongs please.
    Poster, i will advise you to ignore what your parents are doing. Since you cant change or stop it, please try to keep your mind off it as you wont be in their house forever. And please try not to hate that sibling of yours. Try as much as possible to avoid issues with him. For your own peace. God bless you.
    One woman now will marry this one. Hehe. God help her and she should try to complain about him to his parents, This MIL will so frustrate her ehn, she will run 100mtrs. I pray again for that future wife.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please poster, focus your energy on job search. Ignore them and always do te right, God will help you

      Delete
    2. Could be the man has a mental issue, and the parent are doing everything to easy life for the sibling, you can see the way the writer gave description about the Man, he may have been sick from birth and they are doing their best to manage the situation, although they have forgotten the others in the process. Writer I was like you, my mum almost ended up creating bad blood, loving my sister, treating her different than me, she wasn't sick, it made her lazy and I became the house-girl of the house. Today tables are turned and before she died, she warned me not to favour any child because you don't know the one that will be your pillar tomorrow, I forgave her and was her pillar till she died, finished building their house for them, ensure they were properly feed, even in death I made sure they were properly buried. Love all equally. If there is a reason one child is treated differently, make sure others understand. As a parent it is not easy as you tend to give more attention to the weaker child or the one you believe will fly the flag of the family but only God knows. please read the story of David, Jesse didnt even present him as one of his sons but he became the chosen one. so no bi today the thing start. Please forgive, know that the love of God is there for all even the worst sinners. Hang unto it, distract yourself and leave the future to God/ E-hug darling/ We are here love you as one of our family

      Delete
  12. I so understand you poster. That is the best they as in your parent know and please do not hold it against them. Favoritism has made a lot of sibling enemy and most parents to me do not do this intentional. God help me not to have any favorite among my kids

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'll suggest you talk to your parents about how this makes you and your other sibling feel, it might change things for good and if it still remains the same, hold no grudge against them, focus on getting a job so you can be on your own. It is well.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Face your life and leave these people alone! Get a job and make your own money. Forget about your parent's love, some people grew up as orphans and they have not died. I am not saying that what your parents are doing is good; but its time to press the ignore button and focus your energy in building your life and your future. Last last, you will see how all these will play out. As far as you are in that house without a dime to your name, you will continue to be second class which can affect your esteem and on the long run affect your relationships in life where you will be craving love from your partner and doubting your own abilities; this is the time to be strong and build your future

    ReplyDelete
  15. Poster calm down.
    Stop being too hard on yourself.
    Ignore and overlook. Show them love, they will realise their mistake soon. Say no to bitterness .u go dey alright

    ReplyDelete
  16. Do your other siblings share this same sentiment or just you? With the way you kept addressing your brother, it’s clear you two don’t quite get along.

    And the whole he, his friends and gf being a priority is quite crazy to me cos I don’t get it. Are you saying your parents put his friends and gf above their own children? If yes then you need to move up outta there cos your brother might just be sinister and may be responsible for your parents behaviour.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ask you mom where she visited (mediums) before she gave birth to that child.
    What I read above isn't natural at all. It is a purely spiritual control mechanism
    that is peculiar to witchcraft and santeria. Tread carefully and fight this spiritually
    through praying (to Jesus) and fasting and never through bickering. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete
  18. Your parents may have discovered your brother has a behavioral problem (neurological) they cannot change but manage. If you drag it with him, he may explode. Hope they let his intending wife know about this. He should also consider staying single. Sister, take it easy, she may be trying to over-train the children that do not have any problem to compensate for the one with problem. Your mom does not hate you.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I took five mins from my busy work to post this for you because I have been in your shoes (not parent - but my aunt who was my guardian)

    Here's what you should do:

    1. Train your heart to stop wishing for our parents love. I know. It's hard. But if you dont you will get your heart broken twenty times and more and resent them and your brother.

    2. Focus on yourself. Focus on becoming successful. Do everything legally and ethically to be successful. Once you are able to save money. Move out of your house. Then block your parents numbers for few years.

    Trust me. They don't value you because they are used to what you give without missing it.

    3. Do your best not to resent them or hate them. This is not for them. It's for you. You don't want bitterness in your heart because you will subconsciously transfer it to your own kids if. Ot careful.

    4. When you become successful, do your best to remain away from them. They will never change even if they become humbled.


    5. Ensure you feast your minds on what will.improve you. I will suggest watching lots of Ted talks on YouTube. It will open your mind to possibilities beyond what your eyes can currently see.


    I think your parent believe in 'male child' being the 'Olu omo', that's why they are doing what they did.

    And unfortunately they are ruining his life at you and your sisters expense.

    I pray for wisdom. Patience. And the strength to carry this burden. Bless

    ReplyDelete
  20. please do you...I understand you perfectly..I cut my mum off and now it is too late...it is hi and bye...don't waste energy on people who don't care...in the name of blood...

    ReplyDelete
  21. What I sense is not what I can put out here. It may not go down with 'certain' readers. But all I will always say is that in any situation in this life, there is something to glean.

    What I think you should glean is that you should CONCENTRATE on your life. What do you want to do with your parents' love at this stage of your life? Are you not big enough to start steering the wheels of your life? Your problem is your brother? Will you get a job, get married and climb higher in life if the situation was different? What if you were an orphan? I think the problem stems from two things:
    1. You are in your parents' house.
    2. You are jobless.
    If you are busy you won't have time for this pettiness. Yes I know it is painful but then you now know that in life there are certain things you can't change except God changes them for you.

    Strive and get a job (not necessarily big job), something that'd be taking you out of the house daily. Save and move out of your parents' house and build your life. The situation should even teach you that everyone in this life is actually alone.

    So many girls left their parent's house for higher institution, moved from there into their own apartment. Strive for that. Become successful. Success is the best revenge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I completely disagree on not needing our parents love in our adult life. Love brings more bond between parents and children no matter what stage in life. You’re able to share personal things with them (if you have a good relationship with them) on things you’re not comfortable sharing with your friends or siblings, they give you advise on certain things especially coming from your parents. Only thing is, as an adult, you’re more able to control life in a mature way and the emotional maturity is there to also handle things on your own. Those that are orphans, do you think they’re ok with not having parents? Some (also folks with no parental love) have messed up their lives with no proper direction, they look for validation anywhere, have a void in their hearts, etc...besides parents sha, Christ is the only one that fit genuinely help pesin.

      Delete
  22. Hmmmmm.... Poster, be comforted that you're God's favourite...
    Try practicing the following:

    1. Act like all is well and no one is favoured more than you..

    2. Ignore and overlook the ill- treatment or the favourism from your parents..

    3. Over look the favoured one excesses ,try and be courteous with him( try to accommodate his excesses)...

    4. Do your best to get a good job and move out...

    5. Avoid any form of confrontation with him...

    Remember, favourism is everywhere. Even at work place you will experience it. Just do your best to be happy and always ignore them...

    God be with you and grant you a good paying job...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. #2: actually she should sit down and have heart to heart conversation with her parents to lessen the burden in her heart! No be every time ignore ignore ignore. No wonder why a lot of naija people are so frustrated and angry! Let her speak her mind πŸ—£

      Delete
  23. Dear Poster. Ignore. Focus on getting a job and saving enough to move out. Focus on building yourself financially. Trust me, the time you would spend doing these things, you won't even have time to notice favorite pikin.

    Most importantly, pray to God for a calm and forgiving heart.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Poster so sorry for what u and ur other siblings are going thru.
    Are u sure this ur parents beloved child doesn't no about a hidden secret hence the extreme show of love.,I think theres something about ur parents that only him knows maybe a secret like belonging to a cult abi something bad they did and he knows about it.Ill advise u ignore ur parents,just try get a job and leave them,one day monkey go go market e no go come back again.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I have been there! it is not funny!! some parents don't know how to love their children equally yet, they have many. Many at times, the preferred always break their heart. Turn the dislike to something good to better your future. IRE oh

    ReplyDelete
  26. This is really sad.....
    can you leave home for some days..just travel

    ReplyDelete
  27. Dear poster, I feel your pain. I am in a similar situation as well especially the aspect of being enemies with whomever that offends the fav. I will advise you focus on yourself and developing your self as well. When they see you doing well, they would want to get close but be very careful cos it might be to get hold of what you have. Any parent that indulged in this kind of favoritism is indirectly breeding sibling hatred and rivalry. Move out if you can as well so you don't lose your mind. You could squat with a friend or relative while job hunting. Also try to get therapy so you can heal from the emotional turmoil. I know how this can affect people's self esteem. You keep feeling like you are not good enough. There are a few free therapy consultation firms in Nigeria. All the best and don't forget to channel the energy to your success. God sees all and you would definitely turn out well.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Poster I truly understand what it means to grow up in that kind of family! We are 5 kids in number in my family 4 girls and 1 boy. My dad died early so we were left with my mum. My mum loved our last girl so much,never corrects her when she is wrong,she talks to my mother anyhow,very selfish,thinks the world revolves around her,very manipulative,gossips like no tomorrow. My dear we never cared we all knew so we just moved on with our lives. At the end of the day my mom realized that my sister loved only herself, even my mother was sick for 3 years before she died my sister never slept in the hospital to take care of our mom.While our mother's body was in the mortuary my sister went on an expense trip to SA. Now that my sister is married she is having issues with her mother in law because of lack of respect. So my dear most parents should stop this favoritism within siblings it does not end well. Poster move forward with your life forget about your parents and your brother focus on making a better life for yourself. Try and struggle to be independent and be good to your parents leave everything and do not mind them. Your brother will have issues later in life.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Poster. Though its difficult but If you can overlook what is happening in your family today. Reciprocate with love. You will come back here in years to testify. The tables will always turn around in your favour. They do not understand what they are doing and there is nothing you will do for now that will make them change their minds. Focus on being a better person. Love God sincerely and watch him make you laugh loud tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Poster try and ignore even though it is not easy
    My mun do claim I am her favourite but her action says opposite, I am the first and always feel like I was adopted
    My father do claim he love us equally but everyone knew I was his favourite cause I came after 8 years of waiting, he was my everything
    When he died It felt like my world collapsed, I couldn't find cover in my mother
    She felt like a total stranger even till date, I will rather confide in my Aunty than confide in my mum
    I have learnt to live alone and act like she is just my vehicle.

    ReplyDelete
  31. God bless the poster that said its nice way of raising a narcissist. My siste is like that. And no it has nothing to do. With jealousy or envy onthe part of the poster. The truth is these kind of people who are raised like this are selfish and self centered and self absorbed. It so wrong. My sister feels she has to be there for any decisions taken meanwhile she is not the first ooo.
    She claims a closeness to my Dad. It was so bad she was more like my father's girl friend. She will come to the house when my Mum is not there. So many things.

    And yes it affects other siblings whether they like or or not. They always feel less, as though something is wrong with them. At some point I had to ask my Mum if I had another father somewhere. He never believed in me. I will give him something and he will be asking where I got the money to be able to do what I did. It's so not nice. It affects unconsciously.

    It is not good. It also affects the children negatively whether unconsciously or not. The relationship amongst the siblings always is a problem.
    I can't correct my Sis. In fact she doesn't take correction.

    Its a pity.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Parents are suppose to be fair to all their children
    ... Talk to them and if they don't listen just lock up. You are God's favorite

    ReplyDelete
  33. God please give me the grace to love all my children equally

    ReplyDelete
  34. Whatever decision you make Poster, pole do not block your parents' numbers for 'a few years '
    Tomorrow isn't guaranteed for anyone not to talk a few years

    ReplyDelete
  35. He has been initiated into their secret group.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Poster I understand where you're coming from my Mum is just like that or even more but what can one do, they are your parents. I will advise you focus on your self and pray for God's blessings. Try and get a job it will help you plan your life. Get an apartment and see them from time to time, that way you can keep a sane mind. Don't take it to heart instead learn from it and be a better mother to your children.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I understand you poster, favouritism pit a strain between my sister and I, we are just beginning to build a relationship after over 3 decades. I am the favorite child and it made her dislike me growing up that we never had a relationship. Even people find it hard to believe when I say I have a sister. My brothers didn't seem to care about my being the favorite child though and instead used it to their advantage. I am trying to raise my kids by loving them equally and not choosing favorites. It's not as easy as it sounds.

    ReplyDelete

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