Hmmmm
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
IRRITATING NEIGHBOUR
Why can't people understand what boundaries are ?
You will not let me enjoy the accommodation I paid for, I foot my bills without anyone assisting me but this my neighbour will never allow me have peace in my apartment. He comes to watch television, change channels like is his house, he will never allow me watch what I want to watch, once I put on my generator the guy will land inside to come and charge his phone and use my data.
The one that annoys me is when I have visitors both male or female this dude will never have sense to stay in this apartment but he will rather come sit with us and be listening to all our convo. Operating the remote control without considering what we want to watch.
He has done that when my bf came visiting and my guy was like you are sleeping with this guy. I don't gave anything with this dude but I am trying not to be seen as a wicked person but the guy is going too far. Look for work and do something meaningful with your life he will say, God called him to be a minister, minister that has no kobo not even under any church yet you love enjoyment, beautiful and classic babes is what he has his eyes on.
I want to pack out of this house to have my peace, he has the energy to ask me if I will put on my generator cos he want to watch music his sub has expired. When I told him no fuel he couldn't even buy fuel. I cannot enjoy my data anymore cos he is always coming to share data with me once I am around, I work and do little business not like I pick money on the floor but this dude is taking me for a fool.
The best option is to move out of this compound because no matter how I refused to give him face he will still come and knock at my door.
Eyaaaaah its not so bad is it? I am sure you dont know that you might be the one saving him from depression....why dont you have a talk with him?
If you warn him off subtly and he does not change, please move out.....
He is crushing. Sometimes, ask him Nicely to excuse you that you have visitors. You will not swallow poison because you are afraid of offending your host.
ReplyDeletePoster, I'm wondering if your mouth is paining you. Can't you tell him how you feel? Or better still don't open when he knocks, tell him you want to be alone when he knocks, tell him you don't have enough data to share and . Hopefully, he'll get the message.
DeleteYou want to move out of the house, because of a truant neighbour???
DeleteDon't you have a door that you lock? When he knocks, can't you keep silent or simply tell him from the inside of your room, that you're sorry, you're unable to receive a visitor at that time? And then, repeat this, till he gets the message?
Or can't you open and tell him straight up, that you don't receive MALE visitors any more? Because I don't get.
Why the need to be "nice"? Being nice is not a fruit of the spirit oh, especially when you're dealing with someone who Lacks basic human courtesies.
Ok let me say this to you; I have been there and I understand. This is what you will do.
DeleteBe nice, be wise. Not angry.
Tell him to call you whenever he needs something instead of knocking on your door. And when he calls for something and you have, give him so long as it does not involve coming into your flat.
I used to have a neighbour like that those days and I made it clear that I am very interested in friendship with him and his brother so long as they don't come into apartment. I don't go into theirs either but I shared food stuff, cash, any help they may need with them except coming into my house.
I suggest whenever he comes knocking, call him on the phone to ask what the matter is and sort him out on the phone. If you on gen and he wants to charge phone, tell him to get a power bank or if you can afford it, gift him one. So he won't use the excuse of charging phone to sit in.
Please what is not so bad Stella? From what she wrote it is bad, she seems like someone who likes her space. Country is bad, everyone is depressed but do you know if shes going through something herself.
DeleteDear poster, please tell him off.
Poster are you kidding me? What happened to your buccal cavity? You can't talk to him but you would rather pack out because of someone that you can tell him keep his distance...
ReplyDeleteStart by asking him questions and then tell him that you are not comfortable with him being in your face the whole time..Create healthy boundaries...In your post you never mentioned that you have spoken to him about this or is there more to this that meets the eyes? All the best o
I was just wondering same, move out ke? Poster dont let people take you for a ride because tou are forming good, if you are not bold enough, tell him your bf warned you about your relationship with him and that he should please stop coming to your house, that way you’ll put the blame on your bf and still look good before him
DeleteMake she sha dey careful, make he no jazz her.
DeleteTHE UNNY THING IS MOVING OUT ISN'T THE SOLUTION BECAUSE YOU MIGHT MEET THE SAME SPECIE IN THE NEW ENVIRONMENT. THE ABILITY TO STAND YOUR GROUND IS THE WAY OUT. FOR HOW LONG WILL YOU CONTINUE TO MOVE OUT BECAUSE OF SOMEONE? I NU KWA.
DeleteYOU CAN ALLOW HIM IN BUT NOT ALL THE TIME. THERE SHOULD BE A LIMIT TO EVERY THING.
Poster take anon 16:15 advice let your bf do the job, since you don't want to hurt him
DeleteYou are not serious
ReplyDeleteExtremely unserious.
DeleteInfact this should be put under Saturday and Sunday laughs.
The money for accommodation did you steal it? You tiff am???
MOVE OUT FOR WHO?????? What utter nonsensical garbage.
So you move out to another place and meet another clown just like this, or even worse, what happens? You place your load on your neck and pick race again??
So truly truly, people can mumu like this???
Better fling that feeding bottle you are holding and stand your ground and stop behaving like a tata. What nonsense. 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
I'm telling you 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteLike does he appear inside your house? No be you dey open door for am?
Simply refuse him entry into your house and when he complains, tell him you need your privacy 🤷🤷
15.50 I was having palpitations when I was reading your comment. Ha! Cha!!
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 15:50.
DeleteThat is a lazy man right there. Stand your ground and tell him to stop period. Don’t ever give him the chance of pouring out any useless feelings. When lazy Nigerian men see working class ladies, they begin to hover around. Lock your doors hence forth and he will get the message. No need for any confrontation since it looks like you are not a confrontational person. When he knocks, don’t open the door. If you have his number, send him a text and say I need my space. Respect the boundaries. After that, do not reply to any of his messages. If u need to block him temporarily, pls do. This is way too rude. Bring update o.
ReplyDeleteThis is very good follow this. Lock your door and tell him you are resting if he knocks through text message. Oshofree. He doesn't even assist in buying fuel. Stay away from users .Small time he will say you guys should be eating together. Mtsweesh.
DeleteThat's how you LL keep packing out from house to house.peoplf wahala no dey finish my dear
ReplyDeleteYou de mind am. This chronicle is so annoying. Please tell him to excuse you. What arrant nonsense. How did it even degenerate to this?
DeleteLEAN ON ME doesnt mean you should PRESS ME DIE
ReplyDeleteKnow this and know peace..Even Bible said "LOVE your neighbour AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF" rather you choose to Love your own neighbour more than you love yourself and your peace of mind..
Madam;Whatever costs you your peace is too expensive to be kept;even your phone apps gives you "Terms and condition" before use;not to talk of you a human being..
@MARTINS
I ji ya nna
DeleteHahahahahahaha @ Martins kuku kill me, you don finish the words, abeg poster read up and do the needful abeg, na you get your key 🔑 try to stand your ground for your peace of mind .
DeleteMartins, we reason alike and your second and third paragraphs are my mantra - love your neighbour AS YOURSELF...not MORE THAN YOURSELF.
DeleteYour peace of mind CANNOT BE COMPROMISED.
DEFINE IT from THE START.
Do good to others but DON'T LOSE YOURSELF.
Madam Stella pls we are all depressed in this country so that should not be an excuse, pls dear poster it's obvious you live in a flat or self contain so once you get inside LOCK YOUR DOOR even if he like let him knock from now till Jesus come don't open the door. Do that for one week & thank me later.
ReplyDeleteIn this life en,you gotta be able to stand your ground and make tough decisions especially when it affects your peace .Tell him,bro pls stay in your apartment,I need my privacy.Simple.He will tell people u did what u did and even lie sef but don’t worry about all that nonsense as long as your decision gives you peace.
ReplyDeletePls just help him out. You might be his Savior you know?
ReplyDeleteSit him down and explain to him ,how his destroying your relationship.
Which kind yeye advise be this. Poster,dont sit anyone down and explain anything before they rape or kill you inside your own house. U people always like them to keep pampering these foolish men. A whole man,lazy,broke and doesnt respect boundary and u are talkin abt saviour. E no go bettter for that savior. Rubbish and nonsense
DeleteI don't get it, is it that you can't lock ur door and when anybody knocks you look through your window before opening the door? What sort of pest is this in form of a neighbour? Does he pay NEPA and other dues to you?
ReplyDeletePoster, the earlier you start by not entertaining him in your house whenever he knocks the better for you! You've to harden your heart except there are more to this your story!
It’s you and i starting off writing the exact same thing for me. Lol
DeleteMy dear, open your mouth and spell it out to him but in a nice way.
ReplyDeleteAnd why is your door always open that he comes in and out anytime?
Your door and or protector needs to be locked always. When he knocks, you tell him if you want him in or not.
But before then, (if you can), have a talk with him and express these things you mentioned to him. How will be know you have a problem with it when you have not told him. Is he a mind reader?
Or tell him your boyfriend is not comfortable with another man looking all around you and you want to prevent jealousy and any future trouble.
If he wants to charge phone, collect it and tell him when it's full you will bring it back to him.
When you have visitors and he is in your house, whisper to him to pls excuse you or send him an sms.
Until you do the above, in your new apartment, there might still be someone like that.
And invade you move, set your boundary from the beginning. As a single lady and living alone, no male neighbour EVER entered my house. When you knock, I come out and attend to you.
If you want to charge phone, I will collect and charge for you.
Pls set boundaries for yourself.
Apt 🤏
Deletee be like say she dey even smile when opening her door for the 'nigga' that is why he get mind come knock when person boyfriend dey around.
DeletePeople dey oh
ReplyDeleteWhat you need to change is your character. At least you know his.
ReplyDeleteTalk with him and let him know that it is not always you want him to visit.
Or that your "boyfriend" is not comfortable knowing that he is in your house every night.
And please do not condemn him because he has "no job and no kobo..." these are neither crime nor sin
nor disqualification for God's call. The issue here is his character.
And from your boyfriend's tone, looks like you sleep with him; your boyfriend. Hope you have learnt
enough from this blog to close legs till marriage? 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
😕😕__😒
DeleteClosing legs doesn't guarantee anything. This is 2021.
DeleteBut it guarantees peace of mind and a good place with your maker which is all that matters
DeleteAnd let me add, " closing legs" also builds trust and self control maybe not at the dating stage but in marriage, it would
Delete@17:47/17:49
DeleteKudos; so refreshing to know that there are ladies here that reason wholesomely.
Kudos, kudos, kudos!
Tell him to please stop coming to your apartment that your boyfriend is suspecting you,and you don't want to loose your relationship and you will like some space,say it like you mean it and do not apologize.
ReplyDeleteIf he tries coming to your place again,open the door and go outside on no account should you let him into your apartment,how can you be promoting laziness in this Buharia times.
Just be firm..
I can tell you for free that this guy know what he is doing.
Of course
DeleteDear poster, that's the way it is oo, so rampant in my locality,but wanna know how I prevented this, I set boundaries and was firm about it from the beginning and they got the message.
ReplyDeleteMy former neighbor, who has lots of girlfriends and woman friends wanted to make me his cook, I refused cooking even for once, and I was firm about it, he got the message.
My new apartment nko, I did b set boundaries too and they have gotten the message.
I understand how tiring it could be, cos from give me this or that, omo guy would go in between your legs and shine your condo.
Babe do the needful, even if you want to pack out, pls in your next apartment, set boundaries and learn to say No. Don't be scared to be called a bad person cos our good Lord Jesus, was called a bad person despite his good nature.
E-hugs 😘
This chronicle is annoying. Poster u enabled dis nonsense, shuu! Tell him point blank to sit in his house!! How long will dis continue? Dt is how one jobless guy in my area too start gumming body thinking i am swimming in money, huh! I dey match am for outside any time he mistakenly knocks on my door. Ba lokacci!
ReplyDeletePoster:
ReplyDelete1. Who opens the door for the guy when he comes around? Or is your door constantly opened? Shebi, if your door is closed/locked, after knocking, if you ain't opening, he leaves when he gets tired of knocking.
2. Have you spoken to him about his attitude? Since he can't think for himself, that people need their space,maybe it's time you talk to him. While talking, better no shine teeth. Just maintain straight face.
3. If you move into another house and, God forbid, you meet his "twin brother" there, will you move out again to yet another one? Young lady, please talk to this man. Talk to him before he pour sand for your garri.
You shouldn't be doing good outwardly but dying inwardly as a result of it.
Your no 1 is apt👌 he will knock till he gets tired. If you feel like having company fine...if you don't, no need opening your door.
DeleteStella, it's not her keeping him from depression, the guy is just a user.
ReplyDeleteIt's so glaring.
Just wait until he drops his shorts, flips his pinisi and pounds the nightlights out of you
ReplyDeleteand you run here chanting rape, lape, rape, lape.
Telling someone you don't want him in your apartment at nights isn't being wicked; period
🎤🎤🎤🎤
Is something wrong with the latch on your door?
ReplyDeleteAre you afraid of asking for privacy in your own home?
If you are gonna be a people pleaser then don’t begrudge.
Dont mind her. She's yet to tell us the truth
DeleteEyaa Poster you were just like me when I was in school. I was too nice in school eh that there was no boundaries where I was concerned. I come from a very comfortable family, so life in school was very comfy. I carry foodstuffs in bags when going to school then. Even stockfish, my mother will give me a full big bag. I dey offload yam, plantain and potatoes from the truck that drops them off then. I was nicknamed "foodstuff market and mama G'. Generator, TV, fridge, sound system..I get the biggest sizes. Everybody wants to be in my room, some will sleep over..I feed 90% of the lodge,d ones wen go pack my food go pack. My money will be missing, my bags,shoes, hairs,clothes..they will collect without returning. Most were stolen. My key was duplicated to have access in my absence. I couldn't talk, was dying in silence. One day I just made up my mind that enough was enough. I changed my lock. Immediately I enter my room, I lock. They will be knocking but I will just keep mute. They knew I was inside o. Some will knock for hours, omo knock and break your hand, I nor open o. It continued like that for weeks till they eventually got the scope and stopped. I had peace. I had freedom. They were all users. None was a friend. It was all for what they could get. So my dear poster, when he knocks, just ignore. He will get the message
ReplyDeleteThere you have it, Ignore.
DeleteI did same to someone (course mate) that decided to leave her room to come to mine to sleep at night. She knocked one night and got tired and never came back again.
Yea this!
DeletePlayed cards with a former neighbour twice or so before I knew it, this guy will come knocking at my door every evening. Even the times I allowed him come in he would stay and refuse to leave even when I am yawning as a sign that I need to sleep...that was the end though. When he knocks I no longer open, till he stopped.
Poster i get you are trying to be nice...I was too though I preferred my privacy, I knew I had to do something about it when he would come and not want to leave in time and wanted to make it a habit.
Is this how you're going to live your life? Pleasing people against your self? How many apartments will you pack from? Are you this soft or weak?
ReplyDeleteIt is a selfish world and who you cajole, you control.
If you don't know how to tell him off, lock your door once you're in. He knocks, don't open. Nobody will query you for not opening. You might be in the bathroom or wherever.
You don't know how to say no? He tries to come in, tell him you will call him when you're free. Don't call him. If you do that many times, if he has shame, he will mind his business.
Do you know he might be thinking you like him and won't mind? The mind of men wonder far and wide regarding fantasies.
Stand up for yourself.
I dislike the entitlement mentality most people have.
ReplyDeleteDear poster you seem like a considerate person. However, you cant displease your self to please people. I am not a fan of explaining myself to people because whatever you say will most likely be misunderstood. Guys like this usually don't take subtle hints.
ReplyDeleteMy advice for you is to create healthy boundaries in all your relationships. Pls lock your door, don't answer when he knocks. If you happen to run into him and he mentions it apologize. Tell him you had a long day and needed to rest, or if your bf is around tell him you need your privacy. He'll get the message eventually. If he was a considerate person he'll give you space from time to time especially when your bf is around.
PLS NEVER DISPLEASE YOURSELF FOR PEOPLE THAT AREN'T INVESTED IN YOUR LIFE.
How you got to this point, I'll never understand. You seem like you'll have problems with boundaries in every area of your life. Me that I don't do more than 'hi' my neighbors. And you people are not even the same sex which would have been still been pushing things either way. Your boyfriend is try sha. Don't even know what to advise you.
ReplyDeleteTell him its your boyfriend that pays the rent and he has said he doesnt want to see him(the neighbour) in your house anymore.or tell him your church suspended you in your unit because a member came and saw him there at odd hours. that please you dont want any trouble. you would be glad if he doesnt come into your room anymore. anything he wants to gist or ask he should send you a text. as you dont have sense wait until he rapes you or drugs you and sleeps with you until you carry belle. He has seen you as his cash cow and will do anything to make sure you keep footing his bills. Inukwam pastor. abia!!!
ReplyDeleteExactly my thought,what happens to talking to him and setting boundaries.even if he paid your rent, you need privacy now....so if you pack out and meet another one you continue to move?? There is boundaries for everything especially because he is opposite gender
ReplyDeleteSo I don't know how to stand ur ground...ekpele o....u will continue packing out then...
ReplyDeleteI don't understand. Are you daft? How did it even get to this stage?
ReplyDeleteDey there. Na when he put jazz for your food your eyes go clear. What nonsense!
Exactly my thought. Na the jazz part dey scare me for her.
DeleteYou are the problem , not your neighbour. Start from accepting your faults and weaknesses. If you had defined boundaries this wouldn't have happened. Even children of 6 years olds have boundaries and get angry when you go against their boundaries. How many times you fit run from neighbours . Take care of your weaknesses and stop blaming your neighbour.
ReplyDeleteMwaah
DeleteI pray for her eyes of her understanding to be open and know that naivete is not friendship in Jesus name Amen
DeleteIn a bid to please him,you're displeasing and inconveniencing yourself even to the detriment of your relationship.You may be a nice person but being too nice will make you loose your self respect.Learn to put your foot down and assert yourself.All the best.
ReplyDeletePoster there's more to this story. So you can't tell him, your boyfriend is not comfortable with him coming around? Or are you scared of something? Or he told you, he is praying for you, or gave you yeye visions?
ReplyDeleteKia, people tolerate rubbish oh, cos from day 1 I will set my limit, the way I love my privacy ehhhhh, to even enter my house will be problem, talk more of holding remote. Them no born ham well
Hold remote as per shareholder of television ?
DeleteSee poster not everyone will like you
MAKE PEACE WITH THAT
2. Stop allowing foolishness to spread and grow, tell him firmly and lockup!
this thread is annoying sha, how old are you ? 17yrs age ? an adult who cant set boundaries herself, mtcheww.
ReplyDeleteLet me give it to you straight Poster #witharegisteredid:
ReplyDeleteYou are a very "weak" human being and an enabler of laziness and stupidity. How did you get close enough to a male neighbour to the point where he controls your remote and even shares your data when you have a serious boyfriend? How!
Shebi you know you will still move from the new apartment to yet another? It's not your business he isn't working; no one made him your responsibility madam Afo oma Oninure. Face front and lock your door before he takes it a step further and rapes you one day since he doesn't respect boundaries. In fact, if he even lies now that he has "browsed" you, do you think anyone would doubt him? No, Not I.
As for your boyfriend, he is a godsend and deserves your total respect. You obviously don't think so and that needs to change before you lose him to a more deserving, boundary-respecting lady. Stupidity is not charity darling. You and your neighbour don loose guard o. Change the narrative and "OWN" your fu**ing apartment and space NOW!
Stop calling someone weak.. We can't all be the same. Just because she hasn't learnt before now to draw the line doesn't make her weak. Our lives are different. You don't know where she is coming from or how she grew up.
DeleteThat her weakness is a strength in a way.
But she’s weak, it’s not a curse. Thankfully, it’s a flaw she can do something about. Even babies have boundaries not to talk of a full grown woman with boyfriend.
DeleteShe lacks self-preservation. Fear of molestation/rape will not let me do this kind of thing. Poster don’t you fear for your life?
@AdaBekee: Exactly👌. She no like herself at all especially with the way things are in Nigeria now. In addition, the dude is too broke to carry and pay a strumpet; so if he gets an erection whilst in her house during this rainy season, what would he do? No be to use Naija frustration scatter her calabash remain? Then, she'd start shouting rape upandan on social
Deletemedia😏.
Those who are telling her to ask her boyfriend to "do the dirty work", what if it turns into a fight and the neighbour stabs him to death (never underestimate a frustrated, unemployed person) na which account him mama go write that one put? Did she ask his permission before giving the dude 24/7 entry into her apartment? And even after the bf complained, she still hasn't been able to stop him. Haba! If the bf were my brother, I'd advise him to stay away from her and her compound until she's able to stop this neighbourly pandemic. We can't shout mbok. We no be Awilo.
Exactly Adabekee
Delete@Lady T what kind of rubbish dustbin 'strength'?
DeleteTo allow someone violate boundaries is a STRENGTH???
To allow someone loaf around and leech off you repeatedly is a STRENGTH???
To refuse to speak up and define your boundaries is a STRENGTH???
To not only continuously allow discomfort to self but to your boyfriend and friends is STRENGTH????
The way some of you reason can make a toy sound intelligent.
I dont have a problem with you yarning dust but do it to yourself, at midnight, preferably with a bag over your head.
There are many impressionable young girls who read this blog, let one not pick this terrible lack of social boundaries and think that it's one yama yama idiotic strength.
Poster, learn how to stand up for yourself.
Do not delegate that responsibility to your boyfriend.
You are an adult not a toy.
Speak for yourself.
That is what your mouth and brains are for.
Rape is real
ReplyDeleteYou enabled it from the beginning,you refuse to set boundaries when you just moved in. No need to confront him, simply don't open the door or answer when he calls out your name, if he comes in when you have a visitor then tell him to excuse you or that you do not need a company that you want to be alone. Do this every time and gradually he will stop. Also be watchful and observant incase he wants to plan against you.
ReplyDeleteThe next time he comes he tell him your boyfriend is not comfortable with him invading your privacy shikena..
ReplyDeleteThis is funny, u want to move out because of him? Laughable!!! Tell him your boyfriend pays the rent nd he is suspecting u with him and u would like he doesn’t come to your place anymore simple! How did it even get to this stage sef? Tomorrow he would tell people he has slept with u
ReplyDeleteNa today people dey spread lies?
DeleteEven if he says he has slept with you
It shows he is a colossal fool then
This is just an annoying chronicle. You has better let him know you need your space.
ReplyDeleteBring updates, please.
*had
DeleteSome of us don't have have a heart to tell people plain blank to stay clear and mind their business all in the name of not offending anyone. Please poster grow a thick skin towards him and stop this nice girl, I don't want to offend him but you rather offend yourself.
ReplyDeleteFace front and stop smiling with him, lock your door always.
I was irritated reading this chronicles, angry at the neighbour for being so intrusive till I got to stella’s advice. Honestly the advice touched me and I felt for the guy. I now see why people say Stella has a good heart. Poster, please follow her advice.
ReplyDeletePoster,ur chronicle is really pissing me off that i feel like rushing u some slap. You dont like yourself? He could have raped u or even done worse,he could plan something bad for u later sef bcuz he knows his way around. You dont do things like this,pls protect yourself and stop opening your door,let your bf also help u when he is around by warning him off. Stop this rubbish before it gets u killed abeg and that thing stella wrote,abeg no follow am. Which one is he could be depressed,so she is supposed to be depressed to make another person depression stop. Pls abeg stop opening your door and u dont owe him any explanation.Dont sit him down to tell him anything cuz it might get ugly. Its your house,do whatever u like without explaining anytin
ReplyDeleteAre you really sure u dnt have any feelings for him? Cos it keeping quiet shows and tells different. Maybe u wan be Mama GO, or u are waiting for him to ask u out and he didn't, hence u want him out,no vex oo. I jus want know.
ReplyDeleteAnyway since u can't talk yaa mind,let yaa money do the talking. Buy him a TV, decoder, generator, data etc.
Abeg this is May
DeleteChristmas is far away
When you refuse to set boundaries for your self you become a dumping ground for all nonsense, a word is enough for the wise
ReplyDeletePoster, do you want to wait until the guy tells you God told him you are his wife. Get sense and don't open your door whenever he knock.
ReplyDelete