Stella Dimoko Chronicles Of A Married Man - 23


Advertisement - Mobile In-Article

Sunday, May 02, 2021

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 23

I walked into her while she was crying and she told me “I’m going to cheat on my husband, I won’t allow him to get away with this!”.

She had been having issues with her husband. He was cheating on her to the point that it got scandalous. At that point the husband had moved in with the other woman. Family and church had been called into the issue but everyone was advising her to stay in the marriage, even her pastor.

It all started when the husband went to Lagos for a construction job in Apapa in 2013 for a project. Due to the accommodation issues then, he had to get a room at the Snake Island close to the construction site. 

For those of us familiar with the Snake Island lifestyle. After the day’s work every evening; it’s all party and everything goes. That was how guy man got himself entangled with one of the girls who came to the island to “work”. 

What was supposed to be a one-night thing turned into something else. Friends tried to dissuade him but he was far gone.

The final straw that broke the camel’s back was when the wife’s younger brother joined the project and found out that his in-law was messing himself up. Hell broke loose, but in the end. Everyone advised him to mind his business that it’s between him and his wife. The wife found out and told him not to bother coming back home to Port Harcourt.

The long and short of it was that in 2016, he was fired. He came back begging. Friends, family and the church prevailed on her to accept him back. This was what started that conversation above.

“Is that what you really want to do?”, I asked her.

“Honestly, I don’t know. But he can’t just get away with this na. After almost three years of heartbreak and pains. Now he is back with no job and money. If I hadn’t saved before now, what would have happened? Now I have to take care of the children and his sorry ass”, she fumed.

“I feel for you. I can’t judge you. I understand your pain. But if you are going to cheat on him. Don’t do it for revenge. Besides, can you live with the consequences of your actions? your husband may be a “bad” person, but are you?”, I concluded.

“I’m depressed, I have been facing severe depression for the last three years”, She said amid tears from her eyes. Recalling her look that day brought a lot of sadness to me writing the piece today.

So, today let’s talk about depression in marriages.

A lot of married people are depressed today. The pressure of the modern-day realities has even made it worse, as some couples who will display the happy posture to people outside, yet they die of depression daily. Marriage is a very complicated institution that requires lots of maturity to survive.

To paint a picture of the origin of depression in marriages today. I will make an illustration with this movie: Shrek forever after. This was the fourth installment to the movie franchise.

Shrek, after is his many battles now have to settle down for the “forever-after” life. He became domesticated. The movie started with shrek enjoying the fun and surprises that comes with being married and having kids. But after a while, everything became mundane and monotonous. He started missing the days when he was a “real Ogre”. He became bored. That boredom became the cause of his problems.

The reality is that, most marriages today are like that. People who were very vibrant and active during their single days get into marriage to meet of life of monotonous activities where you have to do lots stuffs just because you are expected to do so and even become broken by the rigors of the marriage. That most times, is the beginning of depression.

A leading cause of depression today is cheating spouses, like the case of my colleague whose story I shared above. The society, especially in Nigeria, expect the man/woman to “manage” with your partner irrespective of whatever shit they dish out to you. Lots of people have lost their zeal for life because of their unfortunate marriages. Even five years after, this colleague of mine still look depressed sometimes when I see her. This was the once “miss hot legs” in the office then.

Another common form of depression these days is the notorious postpartum depression. A lot of young women and sometimes men have become depressed after child bearing. That reality of having to take care of another human being, lack of and change in sleep pattern, changes in lifestyle and even the attendant cost of having children all contribute to this form of depression. That’s why often we encourage the “omuguo” culture as some young women are thrown into the unknown territory without proper support especially from clueless and immature husbands.

Shey this write-up is becoming depressing abi?

Ok, let’s look at the fun stuffs. I have always said marriage is not all loomy and gloomy. Let me share three tips from my experience of been a married man who is also faced with the depressing vagaries of marriage, how I have survived so far.

One, learn to live your life. This is very key. One popular statement I often hear from married people is “I am living for my children now”. It’s always sad when I hear that. Like I said before, marriage is not the last bus stop of your life. It’s just a check point. People get marriage and forget about their life ambitions, their goals and the things that once made them happy. 

One of the habits I have keep going from my single day even up to now is, whenever I receive salary, I make sure I do one thing that will make me happy before I start spending for family and other things. I have learnt to live and enjoy my life, family or no family.

Two, life is in phases. Always remember that. Some people are married but want to live the “baby girl” life and still be the “neck turner” that they once were. Then, boom! The babies start coming and their shapes and lives change. The men want to keep the side chick and still expect the wife to be happy and give him peace. In life, you will sure have depressing moments. Even the most strong-willed amongst us also pass through such phases. When such moments come, always tell yourself “this will pass, I will get better”.

Thirdly, always see the good in everything and everybody. Many married people always focus on the bad side of their situation and their spouses, thereby missing the big picture. A colleague of mine was complaining the other day of how his wife has become fat. We almost insulated the living daylight out of him that day. We have all known how supportive his wife has been to him.

Finally, let’s all remember that no one is immune from depression. Whether you survive it or not will mainly depend on how you approach it. Even the best therapist can’t help you if you don’t help yourself.

Na so e be this week.



  1. Very apt write upπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ.Solution?Always try to find a balance😊

    1. Life as an adult in general can get boring, especially when you are doing the same job, come back to the same house...etc, it becomes a routine.

      The key is to balance it out and also find your passion, something you enjoy doing, something you both can do together...this is why oyimbo people do not play with their vacations... something out of the norm.

      In a country like Nigeria, life is hard already, you end up doing so much to stay afloat...then boom!!! You have to deal with a cheating spouse.

      Wo it's tiring.

  2. Point 1 is so me.
    Every month end when salary comes I MUST get something for myself; sometimes it could be a nice wig, sometimes a shoe, or even a slipper or a very nice bra.

    Always, always get yourself something no matter how little every month, you worked for it, even if it's shawarma and ice cream 🍦, please do.

    No be you first get responsibilities and no be you kee Jesus.

    1. Women should learn to invest invest invest especially early in the career. Save up, buy land. Yes! Buy land as single lady and have investments that will keep generating income for you before you get married.

  3. How to survive depression is good; even better is not being the cause of depression in the other person😐.
    A man was comfortable being away from his family for 3years, and was shameless enough to return; people dey sha. May God help us.

    1. Because he thought that the average Nigerian woman deserved crumbs

  4. This is aptly written. God knows I'm going to enjoy my life as well while waiting for the wandering horseband to come if I'm your colleague in the story narrated above, I can't be wallowing in sadness for a man that care not for good three years. God forbid bad thing.

  5. Don't I just love Sandra...

  6. That point you made on always making ones self happy after the pay enters is key for me. Be it a wig, wears, delicious meal or snacks. A girl must relax and take care of herself, no time abeg.

    As for your colleague's husband that got fired, that's how God dealt with him so he can return to his senses. She should try and snap out depression abeg. It's not worth it.

    1. People helped him eat his cake and have it. What happened to the sisi that enjoyed his income while he had a job? The wife is stupid to let people make her take him back against jer better judgement. This is why some men are irresponsible because they know the church and society will plead on theor behalf last last. Nonsense

  7. I will only accept such a man back because of my children and the desire to raise them in a well structured family unit. This is very important for a child's mental growth and I will make the sacrifice for them. Not sure if I will truly forgive him but will try to co-exist in the home. These are one of the type of challenges that mean 'for better for worse' in marriage and also what makes marriage Hard. I have been married for 16 years so I know hat I can do.
    Poster as for not losing one's focus or goals in marriage, it is easier for men than women to do this. The challenges that come with raising a family make it almost impossible most times for the woman to maintain her path.
    To avoid depression in marriage it is also important to maintain one's individuality especially 'mentally' in a marriage. Not necessarily career wise but do not necessarily see you as being one with your spouse. That is theory of marriage and not marriage in practice ooo.

  8. And she took him back? Chai!

  9. Depression comes in different form for different people but what is important is, dont give room for anything that can lead you to depression.
    It will be good for people getting into marriage to understand that marriage does not stop you from leaving your life or pursing your dream neither does a wayward husband. The moment you begin to find out that your spouse can make you depress by their actions and words, please reprogram your life to act a buffer to them. Never settle for less, because your happiness depends on you.

  10. Please, let me correct you married man.
    Marriage is not a "complicated institution," human beings make is complicated.
    God made marriage blissful and those that know Jesus as Lord and Savior can attest to the bliss
    marriage has brought them. I do not mean those that "go to church or are pastors." I mean those
    who Jesus is Lord over their lives.
    I have been married for close to 15 years and it's been pure bliss; none ever cheated, we never
    quarreled, God has given us kids, we have peace with each other. If you want to know how to enjoy
    the bliss that marriage gives, study the Word of God and practice it. It is not proper to use your
    yardstick of marital woes to measure and invariably get people discouraged about marriage. Use God's
    Word for that is the standard. πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

    1. Anon 16:09 pls when the bible said marriage will come with its tribulations, what so you think it was talking about? Even the first couple Adam and Eve in their perfect state had their own gbege. If not, why eve listen to Satan? Please be realistic and preach realism. Let people know what they Care entering.

    2. πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ’―%
      Best comment @16:09

    3. @Loveto
      Please can you share with us the verse you are quoting in the Scriptures, I like to learn.
      And in that comment, I didn't read where she said that she had had no trials in her marriage.
      She said she has "not quarreled with her husband." You like marriages full of quarrels?

  11. Sound like my story. And now he is back to me with his cheating ass. I didn’t take him back I beg, I have had years to get over everything. I was very depressed but with time I am ok. Thank God like the lady up I saved and can take care of myself and my children. Everyone has been begging but I no gree. I didn’t go out to cheat back but used the time to get myself together. Now I am ready to enjoy life again. I just take life as it comes. I no come babysit man I beg!!

    1. Anon 16:26 biko chop kisses, i love u.

    2. Na woman you be, you no be doormat. Chop knuckle

  12. I won't ever take such a husband back...who he Epp...because he's broke and jobless he remembered house. Nonsense

  13. She took him back? I hope he went for tests.

  14. Taking him back get as it be.

    The most Complex B


Disclaimer: Comments And Opinions On Any Part Of This Website Are Opinions Of The Blog Commenters Or Anonymous Persons And They Do Not Represent The Opinion Of

Pictures and culled stories posted on this site are given credit and if a story is yours but credited to the wrong source,Please contact and corrections will be made..

If you have a complaint or a story,Please Contact Via
Mobile Phone +4915210724141