Stella Dimoko Dr Freak's Journal - Busted In The Act..


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Monday, May 10, 2021

Dr Freak's Journal - Busted In The Act..

Ever been busted?

In the mid-80s, my father who had just retired from civil service decided to do something substantial with his gratuity, so he decided to erect a befitting "country home" in the village (pardon me fellow "countrymen," in Lagos, every other place is referred to as a "village". Argue with your data.) Dad hired artisans from Osogbo (his last station) and the team was headed by a certain "Alfa" (Islamic cleric).

Work commenced at the site and Alfa took full charge of the project. Alfa was endowed with a diminutive frame but he possessed a towering evil mien, mostly activated while dealing with hapless children. Alfa never liked me from day one, but hey! It was mutual. In my short sojourn on this side of the divide, I've had cause to tell one or two "tin gods" to their clean shaven faces that I know that they don't like me, but "Oga Ade," it is mutual! A gist for another day.

Alfa probably perceived that I was too "confrontational" and or "inquisitive". These two attributes were abnormal when I was a child, unlike now. Truth be told, I was a chatterbox at the time, but I was just an inquisitive young lad with a fertile mind who wanted to monitor the pace of work at the site and learn from the masters. Alfa never allowed me to come into the premises. Now that I'm older, I can relate more. The poor man was just trying to observe safety rules. I was a child. I had no boots. I had no helmet. Long and short, he forever "bounced" me from gaining access to "my own house" and this did not just go down well with me. Who knows, maybe I would have appreciated his concerns more if and only if he had adopted the right approach.

Under few days, we both succeeded in drawing the battle line and he resorted to cheap blackmail by reporting me to my ever-ready-to-flog Dad. He never spared the rod. Baba flogged us sha! And my siblings still tell me till date that I "enjoyed" because of the preferential treatment extended to me by virtue of my "vantage" position in the family. 

The man "sha" flogged me and from that moment, my vindictive consciousness was rudely awakened. I swore to get my own pound of flesh in return. Karma, they say is a b#tch..

In no time, the golden opportunity presented itself! It was Moslem Fasting period and Alfa was a deeply pious man. He never joked with any of the Five Pillars of Islam, to wit, 

1.Profession of Faith (shahada); 

. Prayer (salat); 

3. Alms (zakat); 

4. Fasting (sawm); 

 5. Pilgrimage (hajj). 

Most of his workers were Moslems too and he ensured total observance of the fasting among the rank and file. Interestingly, I had succeeded in striking a sizzling friendship with all his workers, unknown to him and we chatted freely whenever Alfa stepped out.

On a hot afternoon, I strayed into Alfa's makeshift room in our old house, lo and behold, I caught him in the very act, eating pounded yam and vegetable soul! 


 I've found it! Not only Apostle must hear of this, all my siblings must, all his entire workforce must hear of this hypocrisy. He was ready to strike a deal but it was too late, not after all those floggings. I bolted out and ran to the construction site to joyfully announce my latest discovery to the teeming crowd.

I scored a big point. He lost his respect among his followers and that marked the end of hostilities towards me. Alfa tried to manage me though, but I guess it was rather too late.

That was how and when I became a beneficiary of an "Indefinite Visa" to ingress and egress at will.


The second story is about my "First Love," the one I loved with my whole heart, but I hardly write about her, for personal reasons, and or maybe because even though she's dead, I still look forward to her "return" just like the Coming of my Lord Jesus Christ.

I had an enviable relationship with my Mum. I can't remember ever getting spanked by this pretty woman in my entire life, yet her words dug so deep through my stony heart. No mattock could have done a better job! She was a beauty to behold, but very tough and yet firm. Trust me, she was a strong woman. Quiet though. She was the "hard one". Dad was just a "noise maker". Mama was the boss!

Mama raised me to always speak the truth and as a child, I saw no reason why I should not start my rehearsals with her, afterall, she was my first Informal and Formal teacher in life. She actually taught me in Primary One.


Let me digress a bit, we were returning from a trip to Ibadan and somewhere around Ilesa, Osun (then Oyo) State, the car ran over a big python and trust Dad, he disengaged the gear of the VW Passat and engaged it in reverse mode and in no time we were at the "locus in quo." The reptile did not struggle so much with "Ogun", the "god of iron"¹ as it was lying by the roadside almost completely dead. Dad hit the head with a long stick and butchered the tail with an improvised stone and that gave me an insight into what the Stone Age looked like. Dad put the reptile in the trunk of the car and we furthered journeyed home. 

My parents chattered away as we progressed and occasionally made short references to that reptile that was lying lifeless in the boot. Wild thoughts ran through my little mischievous mind, what if the snake wakes up and crawls inside the car and I was the one sitting at the back. Choi! We got home quite early and on getting home, Dad did not forget to instruct my siblings and cousins to roast the reptile. Few minutes after, "food was ready." Mum boiled the reptile and later fried and ALL partook of the the feast. "The Feast Of Snake" I termed it.

Back to my story,

I accompanied Mama to her colleague and friend's house and as the two elders chattered away, I got busy with something else but something caught my attention! Mama was gisting her friend about the "The Feast Of Snake," and guess what, she lied! 

She lied to her friend that everyone else but her partook, meaning I also partook of the feast, but that she was a saint. At that point, I became furious as a 7-year-old and spoke up against my beloved mother. I innocently stated that she was lying. She tried to manage me, but Alas! It was too late. I gave her friend details of how she even ate one while frying and later ate two. Mum at that point became uncomfortable and our visit was truncated.

 I became her friend's favourite from that day. May the good Lord rest her fine soul.

Guess what, Mama never chastised me, she only said "one has to be careful around you these days oh Olakunle" and it ended there.

The question is this: "if you were my mother, how would you have reacted?"

Train up a child in a way he should go and when he grows up he would not depart from it.


¹The Yorubas attribute most of the activities of everything made of iron (steel) especially vehicles to "Ogun" (the god of iron).

Stay Safe 



  1. Wow such a interesting read!! Haa if say na my mama you receive ''Abara'' or soldering slap on that your mouth...Real fond memories!!

  2. In my family, why I didn't partook of the snake feast my grandfather killed was because I thought it was fish. I don't eat fish. Except that, I would have eaten it. See the way they were licking their fingers

    1. You just reminded me of one snake episode when I was a kid...Haaa I used to be called 'foodmonger' I like eating at my neighbour's house ...So i visited my neighbour and the father was eating..I was in their parlour watching cartoon but one eye was watching the man eating and smacking his lips...Kai my api ogologo no gree me and the man decided to help me out of my situation so he told them to bring me ''chicken''..Wow a whole me offered chicken, omo I ate the whole thing clean mouth so my mom will not notice...

      My neighbour's dad now said ''Nono my pikin that thing wey you chop no be chicken oh...Na snake meat be that''...I said no its chicken now..''He said na snake you chop'' I screamed and started crying that I was going to die that day, that the snake will come alive and eat me from within...I ran to my house, started crying and asking God to forgive me for being a long throat..Everybody was laughing and the man told me oh such will not happen...From that day I stopped eating at my neighbour's or anybody's house....

    2. Sorry NonoπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      I don't eat any sort of meat served whenever I go to my mum's family house because those people love dog meat a lot.

      Funnily, my husband also eats dog meat, now my kids have joined him but I will never join them.

      Kunle you make such an interesting read.

  3. Hmm, I dare not try it with my mom.

  4. Nice and funny right up by Dr. Freak. My mom would have gisted popsy how you embarrassed her, and both of them would call you into their room and lecture you on how not to "crash" into older people's gist when not invited. And you would be made to apologise. In my formative years, my siblings and i always wondered why dad and mum always collaborated to spank us, they first discuss it privately and beat you "collabo beating". Lol. Reading Dr. Freak's write up made me remember those days. (smiles).

  5. Lol..
    Your mom did well. I never challenge or argue with the truth even when I'm guilty of it.
    What is wrong is wrong and what is right is right, the person doing it doesn't make the definition change..

    Lol.. you for still cut bargain with alfa before still running off to out him.. na that one for pepper am pass.. alfa fuck boiπŸ˜„πŸ˜„

  6. if you try this with my mum, you will chop beating for five years! you wont even dare.

    1. Lolz πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ your mama and mine na soul sistersπŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£!

  7. I would have said exactly what your mother said

    In fact I do say that to my child

    We should always be mindful of what we say/do before our children because their brain na elele

    They don't forget easily...

  8. I just imagined mama Tao (Taoma) as your mom, u for collect better slap

  9. Very interesting read and funny too

  10. Such a beautiful write-up. My own mum was da 'indaboski', challenge her and go dumb from the numerous slaps. πŸ‘‹πŸ‘‹πŸ‘‹

  11. Alfa munafikirπŸ€£πŸ˜‚. Not even water, or tea, POUNDED YAM. I love how you outed him. E choke!

  12. Na Alfa own sweet me pass...hahahhahaa

  13. Sooo funnyπŸ˜‚, loved every line of it. You are such a good writer.

  14. Alfa be deceiving himself... Dem plenty here,,, correct busted

    Yourmum na good person.


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