Stella Dimoko Chronicles Of A Married Man - 28


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Sunday, June 06, 2021

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 28

Divorces are pretty expensive these days, much more is the costing of having to endure an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life.

Efe told me “Oga, I am going to do her engagement next week”.

With a confused look I replied him. “I thought you guys already fixed a wedding date?”

“Yes, we have. We just want to do the engagement just to make it official and also give her the ring”.

I just knew another social media marriage is loading. My guy does not really know what he is really getting himself into.

It was my wife that first informed me he was getting married. He couldn’t summon the guts to tell me because the last time we spoke about it. I told him he wasn’t ready. And now looking at the way he is going about it now, I can only pray and hope for the best for him.

Efe was one of my proteges in the business. I knew him through my wife as they were family friends from way back in Benin. He was among my set of 2017 (those I introduced to the job in 2017). I facilitated his employment to one of my affiliate companies when he was still doing is NYSC. I have always seen him as part of my family and have high hopes for him.

After the P and Anita’s saga. when my wife expressed her reservations about his fiancée, I promptly told her to let Efe be. Also, he started doing things without consulting anybody. I felt since he is already taking independent decisions, we might as well allow things play themselves out. So, we are sitting this one out.

With the way he is going about this marriage preparation, his attention is only on the ceremony and not the life after. He is most likely going to make some mistakes which will put him in a rat race that most marriages go through today.

Earlier in the year when he told me he wanted to get married this year; I told him not yet. I advised him to use this year to change his apartment and “gather himself” till next year when he would have been more stable. The next thing I heard was that he had rented a 2-bedroom apartment for 500k, which he is still struggling to furnish and has fixed marriage date for August!

The annoying part of this whole nonsense is that the girl he is intending to marry is just in her final year and is not dropping any dime of her own. The little contributions she is giving now are part of the money she gets from stipends from one of her hot-shot uncles who is sponsoring her education is giving her. But she has the taste of a spoilt brat. 

I am here looking at them and sipping my shots of “kuemmerling”

The funny thing about fixing a wedding date is that when you do that, you already set a chain reaction in motion and the pressure begins. The last time I spoke to him, his savings have dried up and he is now waiting for monthly salaries, support from friends, family and bosses; and the never-failing “grace of God”

The reason I’m sharing this story this week is to ask a very important question: “Why do young people tend to seek guidance and direction when they want to make career choices, buying stuffs and making other life choices. But when it comes to the issues of marriage, they want to “follow their hearts”?

It’s a great anomaly in this world today, that people go into the institution of marriage with so much ignorance and their actions are mostly dictated by the emotions. This, of course, is among the reasons for the high number of divorces today and lots of unhappy relationships.

I have witnessed at least to cases of these marital rascality within the last 4years and sadly one of them ended with the woman losing her life after the birth of their first child due of lack of care, money, stress and immaturity on the part of the man. The other one that got married because the girl got pregnant has become a shadow of his old self trying to cater for his wife and two children. And he is just 29!

Sometimes, when we want to interfere, people tell us to mind our business. That, we are not God and cannot tell the future. But over time, experience has taught us better. These days, all I do is to give my little support and prayers; then “sit down look” like the proverbial dog.

This is one area I would applaud the church involvement in marriages today. Were it not for the churches and religious organizations who help in conducting marriages these days, we would have had a much higher divorce rate. The churches through their marriage programs have helped a lot in advice and counseling for intending partners. Of particular note, is the practice in the Catholic church where you are expected to have a “sponsor” who is supposed to be your marital mentor.

I remember the case of two “hot-heads” that still wanted to go ahead with their marriage after they discovered that they were both AS genotype. If not for the insistence of the church and family members, they would have gone ahead.

Like I have stated before, love is still never enough. Also, people need to realize that they have to be prepared and ready before they go into marriage. People spend years preparing for their lifetime careers and other things. But when it comes to marriage, they just want to treat it with levity and “manage as you go”. But it doesn’t work that way.

Divorces are pretty expensive these days, much more is the costing of having to endure an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life.

I hope Efe ends well and find fulfilment in this journey he just started.

In other news, “fellowship” held last weekend. We’ve got a cheating scandal in our hands (side eyes to SDK religious and gender warriors). We have a date next week

Till then.



  1. The truths you wrote here;
    1. People don't take time to prepare for marriage. And may I add that they prepare a lot for weddings.
    2. Marrying a spoilt brat when you aren't one is not advisable.

    And the lies:
    1. Churches conducting marriages lowering divorce rates. In countries with high divorce rates, churches still conducts marriages. And the Lord Jesus did not give the churches
    the mandate to conduct marriages. The girl's father give out the lady in marriage.
    2. One should wait till he is financially stable to marry. It all depends on who he is marrying and if they both know the Lord Jesus and are humble. They can learn to live within their means and make the best of their marriages without looking to be like others. Who was poorer than Jesus' parents who could not afford to buy a lamb to dedicate him?
    3. Sdk "religious zealots" attacking you for "cheating scandals in the church." Looks like that church of yours is a cheating place seeing that you have cheated on your wife before. Adultery is a sin punishable by God and the Lord says that this should not be mentioned among his people.

    I will always be candid to tell you when you make sense and when you don't.

    1. The 'fellowship' he mentioned is their hangout group not Church fellowship.

  2. You are the last person anybody should seek opinion from in terms of marriage and relationships because you have an archaic mentality when it comes to that, your problem is that you have a problem with ladies who are not like your wife, you like Mumu women and so it it irks you when any of your friend is not towing your footsteps.

    My advice to u is let people be, you always trying to meddle in people’s affairs thinking you are a basket filled with advise is irritating …. Mind your business oga

    1. He should mind his business when Efe is still looking for his token to add to "grace of God"?

      I get his angst abeg. When you are the one that would have to settle the matter when the matter arises, you'll worry ahead.

  3. A friend of mine married her husband without a dime to their names,no electronic in their house, few months after wedding,he got appointment with customs service, they live in their personal mansion,have fleets of cars, they're balling hard, very popular big girl in Lokoja now ,please allow people to do them, it goes both ways, it can work perfectly well for him or the other way, but do not discourage him, u never can tell ,the marriage might be a blessing to him

    1. Is the money from honest means? No.

    2. Hmmmmm, seems I know this pipu, let me just walk pass o, only if you know

    3. On civil servants salary? You people are funny. Just frame one of the naira bills in your pocket and begin to worship it.

  4. Always feeling good reading your write up.
    My dear, in matters of the heart eeh, I have since learnt to mind my business.
    Keep up the good work.

  5. “Why do young people tend to seek guidance and direction when they want to make career choices, buying stuffs and making other life choices. But when it comes to the issues of marriage, they want to “follow their hearts”?

    Like most of the married elders are any better.. was it not here some days back that a lady wrote about how her mother told her on her wedding night not to disclose to her husband if another man kissed her or 'brushes' his hand on her breast.. what to make of this advice is still what I'm still confused about..

    Let's just recognize people who speak the truth no matter how bitter it sounds and meet them for advice when needed.. whether you follow it or not is up to you, but at least it would serve as a guide through your path..

    Let's not even talk about the atrocities and bad advices these selfish and dumb elder give sometimes abeg.. some of them no get sense at all Bros..

    Nice write up tho..
    Have a blessed week ahead

  6. All I know is that intending couples should prepare for marriage life not jut the glitter of wedding /engagement / whatever photo shots and Co.
    Divorce will keep rising if people fail to understand each other, apply Godly principles (SWAT too), chasing money loaded suitors by some ladies, pressures from society to conform to anything, "cheating", lies, decayed character to mention but a few.
    Marriage is deep, deep and treasurable. Not only glamour
    Happy Sunday to you all.

  7. That kuemmerling you wrote up there made me remember that drink. Bittersweet drink. Nice writeup. My take is what works for one might not work for the other. Just do you.

  8. What work for one may not work for another. People should do what makes them happy.

  9. You said the honest truth o

  10. When you don't have a stable source of income and you get married, qhen it's time to give birth and you are billed 75k for delivery, you haven't bought baby items, there's no food in the house, you need to feed your wife too, that's when your eyes will open.

  11. Some people will leave the substance and start pursuing shadows. It's a general advice which one may take or disregard. Leave the adviser alone, he is speaking from his experience. If you have yours share. The total human experience about life can be gotten if we share ours and not by attacking another because we don't have the same.


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