Hmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE EX THAT WONT GO AWAY
Greetings Stella!!! Thank you for everything you do through your awesome blog. I've been hooked since four years ago. Please help me post this so I can get other people's views...
It happens that I got married last year Easter. To be honest, my husband, although has his flaws, is a good man and we love each other so much. We met during my service year and dated for about nine months before tying the knot. Now to my reason for sending this, I noticed that his sisters are extremely close to his ex girlfriend. Note that they are four siblings altogether and the two girls are older than the boys.
My hubby is the first son. The second girl is particularly close to this ex, I mean she always posts her on her WhatsApp with endearing words and all that stuff.
Both girls are married by the way. During her son's birthday, she invited us over and we attended. On reaching there, I discovered that she also invited this same ex of hubby. She came with her other friend, both wearing very short dresses, heavy makeup, shouting wildly, even twerking at the party. My hubby casually asked my sil why she invited "this mad woman" (in his words) and she just laughed it over then told us that she was even the one that brought the birthday cake.
I was kinda uncomfortable with her presence throughout the party. Meanwhile, I also bought gifts for the birthday boy. Please note that I am very cordial with my sisters in-law and we have no issues at all. Also note that my husband told me back then that he didn't marry her because she was cheating on him, always clubbing and he even suspects she does runs because of the kind of wild friends she keeps.
Now, my husband's cousin's wedding is coming up next three weeks and she already posted the hash tag on her Facebook with "we turning up" meaning that she will be attending. Yeah, She knows the bride to be but they don't talk and they are not necessarily friends. That means my sils have invited her again.
I know how awkward it felt the last time and I do not want to experience that again. We are not friends on Facebook but she tagged my sils who are my friends so I was able to see the post. I don't know if I'm wrong to feel this way or what exactly I should do that's why I need other people's opinions. Thank you very much.
*I am struggling to understand this Narrative... So because she is your husbands ex and he told you Nasty things about her, your sisters in laws should not have her as a friend? She is obviously a good person and that is why she is still friends with everyone...Please leave her alone and face your hubby....
*I am struggling to understand this Narrative... So because she is your husbands ex and he told you Nasty things about her, your sisters in laws should not have her as a friend? She is obviously a good person and that is why she is still friends with everyone...Please leave her alone and face your hubby....
You can also be cordial with her... do not inherit anyone's enemy even if it is your husbands.. I am sure she also has her own story about how they did not marry...Just face front and leave her alone....
Change your mindset, your hubby probably made that comment because you were there
Change your mindset, your hubby probably made that comment because you were there
But madam why are you threatened? I don't understand. Please ignore her and face your home.
ReplyDeleteAbeg this one no be chronicle!
She is human and have every right to feel that way, I for one wont be friends with my SIL for this, why cause confusion? Why not move on, we all know how Okafor's law happens, this is too close for comfort Biko, my sister, your eyes and ears open to the ground, protect your family with prayers and wisdom. Be careful dont be too close to her so she doesn't have an opportunity to befriend you and attack when you are not looking. Pls be on guide, ur SIL hope she is happy with you, that is how we women act when we want to sire up things. Just shine eye my darling, it is well with your home. Tha is how they break people's marriage. Invite Holy Spirit ooo that is the only thing that can keep that home, if that lady wants your husband back, she is already in,
DeleteAyam with Stella on this. She hasn't done anything against you and she is human, she is also friends with your in laws. As long as you haven't observed her coming on to your husband and you are in peace with your in laws what is the problem? Just face front and mind ya business. Enjoy ya new marriage biko.
DeleteSome SILs are silly, this was how my hubby was always chatting with his ex, I told him to stop only for him to tell his sister and that supported his brother. I did it my own way with no regrets. case closed ndi ara
DeleteAnon 21:08
DeletePlease tell me how you did it cos my husband is still talking to, chatting with, and sending money to his ex. I suspect they are probably still fucking cos the way he defends this girl ehn... last year, he bought her an iPhone and bought me a Samsung π
Poster please don't relax o!
Stella is speaking from Oyibo point of view. Your Sisters in-law do not love you, else they won't keep bringing your husband's ex back to him. Okafor's law is real o
Insecure?
ReplyDeleteIgnore her naa, she might just be a Gbaza queen. OR trying to pepper or get your husband attention, some ex can be devious u knowπ
Poster don't be cordial with your husband's ex,you have every right to feel this way. Hold on to your man and press the ignore botton,your sister inlaw likes drama
DeleteThank you Liz
Delete@Liz you hit the nail on the head,
DeleteYou're right to be wary and it's your hubby's job to protect you.
DeleteHowever, I'll tell you to remove your thoughts from it.
If the ex greets you, reply; if she doesn't, stay on your lane and observe.
I even attended the same church with hubby's ex and it was during an event we greeted each other and that was all. Although, she's married with kids.
Don't allow anyone to steal your inner peace from you ever.
God bless.
SDK I disagree with your red pen
ReplyDeleteThe ex is up to no good trust me but wifey just ignore her that’s all you can do. Do not be her friend at all.
Poster, you talk about sister in law, come and see my husband that still communicates with all his exss, only God will help me
DeleteAnnon 16:34, that must be a very stupid and petty broke man
DeleteMy ex husband does that too. It is one of the reason not the only reason he is an ex now.
DeleteGoodness gracious! You sound really insecure and getting yourself worked up over nada
ReplyDeleteGbam!!
DeleteGbam!!
Delete@Eloquent, I believe you are not married yet. You will understand why she is geeling this way if you are married.
DeletePeople like you will do worse mtcheew I hate pretense
DeleteI wonder why that ex keep pushing herself ro that family. The wife is not insecure, wait till same till happen to you or your husband gumming to his ex
DeleteNne, so far she isnt dragging your husband with you, you should have a free mind. Dont expect them not to invite her, maybe she is the friendly type. You feel she tagged your inlaws because you would see it? Abeggi, are you sure she notices you? Press ignore or join in the friendly flow jare. I am too big to inherit other peoples enemies. Because she is an ex doesnt mean you're better than her. Loosen up pls.
ReplyDeleteI am married btw.
Free your husband’s ex already. I’m sure she doesn’t notice you, do same.
ReplyDeleteYou don’t expect your sis in-laws to stop being friends cos of you.
Try and be yourself when you are in the same gathering. Dress really nice and classy. You don’t have to say hello to her, just mind your business.
If I hear say she no notice am. Coming to your exs niece's birthday party and twerking?. Nah.
DeleteHave some self respect.
Poster, just maintain your lane and totally ignore her, TOTALLY. Cos the next thing that will happen is a subliminal competition with you.
Ignore her totally.
Big lie!! She is deliberately doing that, she has an Agenda. Either to get back into the husband's life through the sister in law, or plainly to make the wife miserable and restless.
DeleteI honestly would start giving that sis in law some distance. Why is she acting like its a normal thing to invite both wife and ex chic to the same party? It's not right and makes no sense.
Poster you are right to feel a type of way, but pay the side chic no attention, act like she's not there and enjoy yourself. Don't give her that satisfaction of knowing you are bothered about her presence there.
Dainty T your head dey there.,orΓ αΊΉ wanbe,both the sis-in law and the ex are on mission. Please stay from both during the wedding party because that in law of yours might try to bring her closer to you and your husband. You shall overcome because she will remain in the past.
DeleteHow is this a problem?
ReplyDeleteMy own is that I want you to slay effortlessly to that wedding and ignore her totally.
Poster don't sleep on this 'Slay effortlessly' top it up with expensive perfume
DeleteGbam
DeleteLiz and Gift π (am not the poster but I so much love these pieces of advice)
DeleteAs in ehn, blind her with your slay on that day, not necessarily slutty slay like hers but you get right?
DeleteYes oooo..1000 yes on this
DeleteWhat if the ex is more beautiful then the Mrs. which slay she want slay.
DeleteTiana follow me ask them oooooh maybe she go come resemble Juju Calabar
DeleteEven with her supposed beauty the husband chose the poster for life partner. Marriage okaja beauty jα».
DeleteI understand that the whole thing might be uncomfortable as it seems that the sisters are wishing your hubby ended up with her and not you but as it is, there's nothing you can do about it. Attend the occasion if you are invited, be yourself, don't attempt to outshine her or get angry at her antics, if what your husband said is true, she is probably jealous of you and trying to upstage you, she might even be overextending herself to keep being friends with your sisters in law.
ReplyDeleteMind your business and be prayerful, pray that if she is coming to all these occasions with the intention of renewing old flames and becoming a side chick, may God frustrate her plans and make her fall out with all your in-laws, if she is not, she will eventually get tired and face her life when she doesn't get the drama she is hoping for. All the best.
Poster read this twice
DeleteGbam o. Just pray her out of your family. She will just disappear, God will make her so occupied that she will not rememmber your family, sil and all. She still get time that's why, God may get her busy that she wouldn't even attened the wedding. Just be positive, don't wish her bad. Be yourself and ask for God's wisdom, guidance and help. This too shall pass. Na so newly wedded life dey be sometimes. Some unnecessary competitors will want to display thier shadow, ko jor
DeleteDear poster my advice is you befriend her husband's ex too and invite her to every family gathering... Let's see how thos turns out. After all she should be cool with her...
DeleteI understand your sisters in law are being insensitive. Emotional intelligence demands that they tone down on invitations that would throw her in your face.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the positive you should focus on now is the fact that your husband isn't giving you cause for concern; by virtue of seeing her at parties. This should be what's important to you.
So, focus on that, and see every other thing as noise.
One person gets it πππ
DeleteThis is apt! It is not a matter of insecurity, most women would not feel comfortable with such.who knows what the ex is up to. Poster, just Ignore her and be vigilant.
Delete@annon 15:22, you are right. I think there is a great need for emotional intelligence to be taught at schools so we will rid ourselves of silly adults like the sister in law.
Delete✌️
DeleteThank You!!
DeleteShe's Human and had every right to feel that way!
As long as your husband is on your side, you're good!
Ignore the others!
Thank you!!! Highly insensitive in laws.
DeleteThis chronicle nor just get head nor tail. Poster see how you condemned the girl totally, na you good. If your husband says that she's into runs that means his sisters are runs girls as well since they are good friends with each other. If you like nor free your mind, dey there dey give yourself unnecessary BP. Meanwhile, help me that your husband's ex that I would love to be her friend. Her vibe is infectious.
ReplyDeleteNo be only infectious πππ you sound like you are on the same boat with the ex
DeleteMadam, this one you no wan take eye see the babe, hope you will not jam her with your car while she's buying roasted corn and pear by the roadside one day o. Face your front. She's not threatening your marriage is she? Please leave her be. For her to be good friends with one of your SILs then they share some things in common (probably "wildness"). Forget Stella's advice about being friends with her. Just dey your dey. Don't be friends or enemies with her. She apparently doesn't send you. Leave it that way and face your marriage. She will even twerk more at the wedding. Get exhaust pipe for your husband because he will fume some more. Just sit by him and enjoy yourself at the party abeg. If anyone doesn't want her to be at the party, it shouldn't be you but your husband. Let him sort himself out
ReplyDeletesome of you can add pepper to gist. did she say she no wan use eye see am? i am sure her attitude is what is worrying her. if she was a quiet dey her lane ex trust me she will not feel threatened../
DeleteI understand how you feel and even suspect that they are doing it purposely, so you should know what to do to also disappoint them.
ReplyDeleteI suggest you just say hi, if you come across each other and then ignore her and her shenanigans.
Please be classy about it, and don't do anything that will make them notice that you notice them.
I wonder why ladies do this sef
Some over sabi siblings think that they have the right to pick a wife for the brother but they won't tolerate it from their in-laws
DeleteHmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteIn as much as I respect ur red pen submission but on this,,,it's a no no for me.
This lady is up to something and she is ready to do and undo to get the attention of this man in question.
What I don't get is, why will my ex still attending every function pertaining to my family? Of what benefit will it be to me(of course ,no benefit) but wahala fit happen from there because we are human and blood flows in our gains..
Nobody, I repeat, nobody is above temptation, so it's better to cut it off.
The man has alot to do if truly he doesn't want to regret
Thanks
It's high time he had cautioned his sisters
DeleteSee me see Stella red pen o. Even a man can smell her desperation to be in y'all faces for a long time! She shouldn't be worried but be careful. Go to that wedding and comport yourself well and leave her to her gbagbati. Look good and smell nice. To hell with rubbish and irritants!!!
DeleteIt's very natural for you to feel awkward, but remember you are the one your husband chose so have no cause to feel threatened by her. Best thing to do is simply maintain your lane and ignore. Eventually she will disappear from the picture when she has her own family.
ReplyDeleteU don't min it????do you know when she will have her own family? Do you think having a family stop some people from misbehaving??
DeletePoster use prayer pursue her far far to the point that she will just lose interest in seeking your hubby's attention,
How will I know when she will have her own family? π it's my opinion, you don't have to agree.
DeleteObviously I don't
DeleteGood. Then drop your comment and move on, don't perch under mine seeing we obviously don't agree.
Delete*She is obviously a good person.
ReplyDeleteRed pen
You don't know her so how did you arrive at the conclusion that she is a good person?
I understand you are not comfortable having her around family events or whatever, quietly ignore her and face your marriage knowing your hubby chose you over her, after all such events don't come up everyday. Soon you will get over it.
ReplyDeleteDon't even try to be friends with her for any reason,so far she's not communicating with your husband,act like she doesn't exist,she wants to be in your face to get your attention and make you feel insecure,and that your sister in-law must not know anything happening in your home,attend that wedding,carry yourself well as the madam that your are,go with the mindset that you're in that wedding to have fun and no body is gonna spoil your Joy.
ReplyDeleteYou're married to him, the other one is an ex, who should be uncomfortable mbok. This should be an ex complaining not you. You can't expect everyone to stop being her friend cos the brother is married haba. It's even the ex that should be uncomfortable not you
ReplyDeletePlease do not be friends with her,stay your lane, attend the wedding and face your marriage..
ReplyDeleteIf i were you, i will be the best decently dressed slayer, with a wow makeup on that day
ReplyDeleteMy opinion is quite different from Stella's but I agree that the girl might not be a "totally terrible" person. However, her being a "saint" should not concern you. Your SIL can write the Pope to canonize her for all you careπ. I do not think you should be close with her AT ALL either! Just ignore her like she doesn't exist. Your husband broke up with her NOT you. If she was the one that broke your husband's heart to the point of attempting suicide, would his sister be forming bestie with her till today? Oh-ho!
ReplyDeleteThen you see that marriage-scattering witch that calls herself your SIL, AVOID HER!!! Shebi you see say I dey shout am. Again, AVOID HER! So that she can have enough time for her bestie-ship with your husband's ex. No allow her collect poison from the ex come give you o. That your SIL is even more dangerous than the ex in my opinion. She love the ex reach like that na im she nor disown her brother when he nor marry the babe? Yoruba people have a name for that your SIL. She is a senior "Alabosi" and your discomfort is valid because a friend to everybody is a loyal friend to none. I wish you knew her own husband's ex, so that you can send that one a friend request too; let's see how she'll react when she sees you are FB friends with her own husband's ex not to mention inviting her over to a family function. Onye iberibe.
Na this kain nonsense dey make some wives separate their husbands from his iberibe family; then dem go come dey shout wicked wife upandan. Are you supposed to allow her scatter your marriage by inviting a "hostile" at every opportunity? While I have nothing against the ex, she sef dey find "something" by this continued association. She either wants to upset you (and ably supported by your SIL) or to "rekindle" something. In short, the ex sef no gree get shinkini self-respect or shame and you on the hand sound like someone who doesn't like wahala or drama. Pele dear. I wish you were related to me so we can attend the next function together. If that your SIL and the ex no "finish" Stellz inbox with serious chronicles after the event, make I naked baff for baffroom ☝π .
Attend the next event looking peng and acting classy. But tell your husband that if you find his ex at any family gathering again (because his sister invited her), that he should "agree" with you to leave the event/venue immediately. And if it indeed happens again, leave! Whether your husband agrees to leave with you or not, leave! If they will not respect you, respect yourself. Abi dem dey share free money for their family gathering ni? How would your husband feel if he saw your own ex at your family gatherings laughing freely with your parents and siblings? How would his sisters "judge" the matter if he reported it to them?
Thank you! The SIL is not a good person.
DeleteMaami...you always hit the nailππ
DeleteI agree your sil is very shady...i can underatand inviting her to the childs bday party. Maybe the child likes her..but the wedding of someone who she doesnt even talk to. Shady AF.
DeleteTell your hubby to talk to his sister about this. Its unnecessary. Your sil doesnt like...continue being friendly and nice to her but make sure you have good boundaries with her.
Word!!!!
DeletePoster..... READ THIS!!!!!
Deleteπππππ Enough said! Awon alabosi oshi. I said it up there, I won't stay friends with such in law, na hello hi get me and her when we jam.
DeleteAmebonawork chop kissπππ jor
Deletefor her to still be honoring invitations from your sils means she's trying to get your attention and trying to make you jealous. Plus she likes drama too. And yeah your feelings are valid...you are human and you are suppse to feel some type of way about this; however you shouldnt get really weary like you are doing now unless this starts occuring too much so for now keep your cool. Your sils are acting like it's not a big deal with what the ex is doing bc she's probably still buying stuff for them or their kids. In as much as people would say your sil dnt have to stop being friends with the ex because of you(which I also dnt support) but they should at least respect you or respect your husband. So ma'am, know your place. When you go to the wedding, sit far away from her... say hi if she says hi to you. Dnt over do it, you have nothing to prove to anyone....be yourself and God will take care of the rest if indeed she's trying to pull a fast one.
ReplyDeletePoster dont mind Stella o, don't ever be cordial with her and don't be her enemy either. Just ignore her,slay well in your dressing,let your makeover be top notch and if you can afford it,share souvenir too. May God bless your home. Don't feel threatened by her because she is absolutely irrelevant.
ReplyDeleteI understand this poster, anyone in her shoes will react same way. Your sister in law is very insensitive,and I suggest your husband should tell her point black to stop inviting the ex to any family function. Please always go to Family events with your goons too and make sure u enjoy yourself,and ignore that girl, behave as if she doesn't exist. May God teach you
ReplyDeleteπ
DeleteStella can type rubbish atimes eehh.
ReplyDeleteFinally someone said what I've always wanted to say,thank you
DeleteMY dear i dont know why you are insecured? my husband ex is my friend on FB. i even invited her to my hubbys birthday. I cant come and inherit peoples enemy. Please loosen up if you cant say hi to her and make sure you look good any time she sees you.
ReplyDeleteSo that she can become her rival baππ
DeleteAbi no be this world again
πππ @ anonymous 16:12
DeleteIf there is anyone on my contact that post things that make me uncomfortable on WhatsApp, I mute such person's status so I will not see what ever the person post. If the person is plainly stupid, I block such from seeing my status as well. I do this to protect my mental health. I hope u understand what I am trying to say. Stop going out of your way to even check their post on Facebook too. Face front. Only a silly person will be trying to do things to pepper others at this time. Protect your mental health. No one has the right to make you feel unpleasant unless you give your consent.
ReplyDeleteSome SILs nawa. I know someone that her SIL was hosting an ex of her hubby for about 6 months. They even lived in the same estate and her hubby started going to his sister's house to eat and the wife concluded it was because of the lady. I told the SIL either an affair was happening or not, she should mr more concerned about her brother's home and marriage than being a humanitarian and being charitable to the ex. How would she feel if the case were reversed since she was married too? She said she didn't see it that way and asked the lady to leave. A man that would cheat would cheat but as a woman put yourself in those shoes and don't encourage nonsense between your brother and anyone. Poster, discuss with your brother and let him tell his sisters that he's not comfortable with her in family occasions, he shouldn't say it's you but he should make them understand that he has made his choice and while he can't tell them who to associate with, they should not invite her to occasions where he and you would be present.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I think the husband should be able to talk to the sisters to tone it down with all this invites involving his ex. Temptation comes in any form of shape. As an ex, she already knows the mumu button of your husband and she can act on it if she chooses to. Like someone said, she is an ex doesn't mean you are better than her, Everybody got flaws too. Maybe that's the way she is, the friendly type who gets along with everybody and she slays too. Don't fret! Go to the wedding and be classy, enjoy yourself with your husband and don't overdo. Just mark your territory, bring food to your husband and dance with him, just enjoy yourself and even flow and relate with your in-laws.
ReplyDeleteAs for the ex, to me oo, no matter how close I am with an ex family, there are just where i draw the line. Just ignore her. If she relates with you, fine relate with her, but if she no send you, you self no send her papa. Just do you and be you.
Don't forget to take your aso ebi to a badass designer, for something classy and stylish.
Babe you no get problem, relax!!!
this evil ex is up to no good, except she was friends with your SIL before she dated your husband then no issues but if it was the relationship that eventually led to breakup that is still making her this close to your husband's sister then you have to be vigilant remember Okafor's law?
ReplyDeletefor the wedding please be prepared to slay and i highly recommend you go with a friend of your if possible ignore the ex and her friends.
Some SIL sef. Funny thing is if someone else does the same thing they're doing, na dem go vex pass.
ReplyDeleteAny SIL that invites my husband's ex to our family occasion is not my friend! Periodt!
ReplyDeleteAny ex that is jumping into her ex boyfriend's family affair like that is a compound fool with zero self respect.
How do people think Okafor's law keeps happening? It's because people that once had soft spots for each other keep seeing themselves and eventually, old feelings get rekindled.
The ex is trying you, she is very aware of what she is doing. The short gown and twerking wasn't by mistake.
Talk to your husband about it, let him tell his sisters that if they invite her for any event he is going to be at, he would walk out with his family.
This rubbish the SILs are doing, would they like it if someone does it to them?
Keep far away from them, keep to yourself. No need to dress over the top but be regal and carry yourself in a mature manner.
Don't go and be serving food at the event, or be seen everywhere. Just stay by your husband all through with your resting bitch face on.
I
Exactly
DeleteBefore you know it, they would invite her to your babys child dedication and birthday parties.
ReplyDeleteNne shine your eyes, talk to your husband to nip this nonsense in the bud immediately.
Nip what in the bud? So because he didn't marry her, she should leave the world? Her hubby can't atop his sisters from inviting the lady to occasions. The worst he can do is stop attending or not take his wife along.
DeleteShe doesn't have to leave the world..... She should leave his family alone! If she's rush special, why didn't he marry her? Why can't the SIL hook her up with their husband's siblings or relatives if they like her so much?
DeleteMake una dey talk true sometimes @lovetoloveu
Whether he married her or not, madam can't stop her sis in laws from inviting ex. Which one is true inside. Either she press ignore button, or she gets her hubby to handle the issue with his sisters. Or she can go and dig up her sis in laws ex like one madam down there said she did. The world doesn't revolve around us. Just cut ur space and protect it the best u can.
DeleteLady, you were someone's else's ex probably, right?
ReplyDeleteExes should not cease to exist because you are married
You should be concerned on how to build your marriage
on the foundation that is Christ, for that is what makes for
and enduring marriage.
Where did she write that she wanted exes to cease existing? What is YOUR view on this ex turning up at family events?
DeleteYou sound like you are still single wait till you are married then come back and check your comment
DeleteNobody is saying the ex should not exist ooo go back and read the chronicle again
I did not read any of you attacking stella for writing same thing I wrote there.
DeleteThe ex is existing in her family celebrations, invited by her SILs and she can't change that
she should focus on her husband.
Lol. I'll advice you not to look for trouble where there is none.
ReplyDeleteYour husband's ex may be wild but she obviously has a good heart which is why you sister inlaws love her regardless of whatever your husband has told you.
Your husband might have exaggerated to make you feel good.
Mind your business and try to ignore...this matter is not as serious as you think ooo...
Well when I got married ,my inlaws never likeD me but never showed it prior .
ReplyDeleteI just knew last year that my SIL was pushing a girl for him to marry whom he was casual friends with,the girl was giving them money steady and they vowed to her that he will marry her.
But in my case they had no history.
So best advice,just give all of them space,act like it does not bother you
Have a talk with your hubby and move on.
BUT if they invite the girls to any of your own family's occasion,DO NOT TAKE IT,WALK THE GIRL OUT IRRESPECTIVE OF HOW YOUR SIL'S WILL FEEL.
LET HEAVEN FALL,IT WILL SEND A DIRECT MESSAGE NOT TO BE DISRESPECTED.
Gbam @ bolded
DeleteWith women,wahala no Dey ever finish.you want your sister inlaws to share your obvious resentment towards ur husbands ex ?looks like you might have to start getting used to her presence once in a while cos it looks like she is close friends with your inlaws.Face your husband act like she doesn’t exist whenever she’s around you.Finish
ReplyDeleteAs long as she doesn't come for your husband, then, let her be. There are some exes that are very close to family members, that all you need do is face front and pretend she doesn't exist in your world.
ReplyDeleteyour sisters in law lack emotional intelligence and that ex too is a trouble maker, she is doing all these deliberately and for what ? your feelings are valid and no you aint insecure.
ReplyDeleteHey beautiful lady,
ReplyDeleteyour concerns and feelings are valid. Now, if your husband is the kind of person that you can have this conversation with, then TALK with him. Tell him you are a little uncomfortable with his ex being around and that you know that he can do nothing about it, but you just wanted to share that with him. Listen to his words of reassurance and if possible, you both can talk about 'rules' to guide your interaction when his ex is at a family gathering. Don't talk to your SIL, she may be genuinely acting without sense, or she may be trying to form I can remain friends with an EX even if my brother did not marry her. In any event, her motive is none of your business, so IGNORE HER. Also, mind ypur relationship with her, keep it cordial and nothing more (her actions show she is quite senseless, you don't have to be great friends with a senseless person or one who is indifferent as to whether or not your marriage is threatened by her senseless actions )
I don't want you to loose your personality or your sense of self because of this lady, so, don't go overboard with your appearance and make up, if you are not that kind of person. Don't become loud and brash at the party, just to send a message to her. BE YOURSELF!!!!! If your husband is a considerate and thoughtful man, he will make an effort to ensure that her presence does not cause you any discomfort whatsoever. In any event, you and your husband can agree to leave the wedding a little early (talk about this before hand) After the couple dance in, you guys could just leave, so that aunty EX and SIL will have a swell time. You can also both agree that there will be no private talks with the EX, every hello greetings should be in your presence. So, both of you should sit together, but please try to be yourself. if your husband is decent, and has self-control, you shouldn't have any problems.
Even if the Ex is mentally acting like she is a competition with you, remind yourself that you are not in any competition with her, so don't act like one who is, don't act like one who wants to be noticed. Be yourself and be by yourself and remain a mystery to her, let her wonder why you were chosen by your husband. NEVER ATTEMPT to be friends with her, DON'T TRY IT!!!!! If you both are introduced, say ohhh Hi bla bla bla.... and say no more, if she pushes, just smile and leave politely.
You will be fine. Please don't neglect prayer, I pray about the most trivial things, since this is causing you to lose your peace of mind, talk to God about it. You will be fine!!!!!! Do you know that I also feel uncomfortable when my partner's former love interests are around us? I am in a whatsapp group with One of them, I just had to talk to myself. Kisses girl.
Speak to your husband SWEETLY about how her presence makes you a little uncomfortable. Be gentle, make sure your voice is soft, tender and succulent. Don't argue, don't quarrel, just be calm and sweet while talking to him about it. Then apply all the good advice given above by some bvs. You will be fine.
ReplyDeleteBe careful too, so that your word don't put nasty ideas in his head..
I was looking out for a comment like this"
DeleteBe careful too, so that your word don't put nasty ideas in his head" read it again. Don't go yapping off about this ex of his or bad-mouthing her to avoid pushing ideas into your husband's head. Plus, don't let your husband notice you are feeling insecure about his ex.
Must you attend the event? If it makes you uncomfortable, stay at home. Tell your husband to talk with his sister abeg. Too much of everything is bad.
ReplyDeleteTwerking at a child's birthday party.. she is definitely wild.
ReplyDeleteDon’t worry poster, if you truly are the way you portrayed yourself in this write up, you will outgrow this feeling. Whatever intention she has, is her business.
ReplyDeleteYour reality is, that you are married to the man you love and who loves you. Otherwise, like others have indicated, have a conversation with your husband if you are still feeling uncertain, as this will abate some of the uneasiness and refresh your commitment to one another.
You are both responsible to and for each other, every other thing is secondary, external and irrelevant. All the best.
ππ. OK she is feeling threatened? No she is not. I experienced this after my marriage, my Sil was up and nasty with his ex so, I took my time to dig up and out her own husband's ex. She didn't need no body to tell her why I became good friends with her hubby's friend and even visit her home with her.
ReplyDeleteShe advised herself and cut all ties with hubby's ex.
Some relatives are envious of their brothers wife, don't know why but it's like that.
The energy I fcuk with no time; Connie I love youπ
DeleteI π you connie...im sure that SIL will never mess with you againπ
DeletePoster, focus on your husband and leave your sister in-law alone!!!! For them to still be friends with that lady means that she has something you are lacking (character wise) I am very good friends with my uncle's ex....
ReplyDeleteYou know why? She treated me like a younger sister when I met her and made me feel really loved.... Mind you, my uncle and I used to be very chummy back then, so I knew all his babes....I tried being friends with his wife just to make him happy, but the lady is something else........
Matter of fact, I am still very close to his ex, and most times I forgot I met her through my uncle...
Just talk to your husband, and ask him to tell his sister's to limit inviting her over ....
Truth be told, they might not even be reasoning both of you ohhhhh, it's possible they bonded very well and are always looking at her as a friend, and not their brother's ex
Sometimes stella view is so wrong. If your husband should bring his ex to function or in-laws How would you feel. Its really sad and also the marriage is still new. If it was 5yrs down or more I would understand. Its only only year and definitely she can't be cool with it. If you will feel sick and sad pls don't go for the wedding I love to respect people's feelings
ReplyDeleteWell like annnoymous said u need. To check your self too the older lady might just have a good character
ReplyDeleteWell i see nothing wrong in that. My brothers ex became very very close to me while dating my brother. For some stupid reasons he dumped her for a skinny light skinned girl... i love his ex to death and yes she gets invited to all family functions. I wont dump her for his wife. No way
ReplyDelete